As the three Baudelaire orphans warily approach their new home Prufrock Preparatory School : they can't help but notice the enormous stone arch bearing the school's motto Memento Mori or "Remember you will die." This is not a cheerful greeting and certainly marks an inauspicious beginning to a very bleak story just as we have come to expect from Lemony Snickett's Series of Unfortunate Events, the deliciously morbid set of books that began with The Bad Beginning and only got worse. Ages 10+
Imagine tales so terrible that as many as fifty million innocents have been ruined by them - tales so indelibly horrid that the New York Times bestseller list has been unable to rid itself of them for seven years. Now imagine if this scourge suddenly became available in a shameful new edition so sensational, so irresistible, so riddled with lurid new pictures that even a common urchin would wish for it. Who among us would be safe? Begin at the beginning - evenif it is a bad one - with the first in A Series of Unfortunate Events, now even more disposable in paperback!
Dear Reader,<P> The guy who usually writes these letters asked me to do it instead. Maybe he was having a bad writing day. Maybe he wanted me to play the sap for him. Or maybe he ran into Trouble with a capital T.<P> Well, Trouble's in my business. I'm a dog. I'm a detective. The name's Bud Barkin. And this book is about the case I had involving a dame named Delilah Gorbish, whom I would call Trouble with a capital T except I've used that metaphor already, and the clown named Crusty Carmady whose calling card is a teakettle that he heaves through windows. Nice pair of birds. The mystery deepens with another character called the Big Fish, who isn't really a fish and who's addicted to the Home Shopping Network. <P> Hey, I don't write 'em--I just solve 'em.<P> Yours truly, Bud Barkin, P.E.
This new mystery from bestselling author Blue Balliett is now available in After Words paperback! When Calder Pillay travels with his father to a remote village in England, he finds a mix of mazes and mystery . . . including an unexpected Alexander Calder sculpture in the town square. Calder is strangely drawn to the sculpture, while other people have less-than-friendly feelings towards it. Both the boy and the sculpture seem to be out of place . . . and then, on the same night, they disappear! Calder's friends Petra and Tommy must fly out to help his father find him. But this mystery has more twists and turns than a Calder mobile . . . with more at stake than first meets the eye.
Everybody loves a carnival! Who can fail to delight in the colourful people, the unworldly spectacle, the fabulous freaks? A carnival is a place for good family fun - as long as one has a family, that is. For the Baudelaire orphans, their time at the carnival turns out to be yet another episode in a now unbearable series of unfortunate events. In fact, in this appalling ninth instalment in Lemony Snicket's serial, the siblings must confront a terrible lie, a caravan, and Chabo the wolf baby. With millions of readers worldwide, and the Baudelaire's fate turning from unpleasant to unseemly, it is clear that Lemony Snicket has taken nearly all the fun out of children's books. Ages 10+
This bewitching first novel is a puzzle, wrapped in a mystery, disguised as an adventure, and delivered as a work of art. When a book of unexplainable occurences brings Petra and Calder together, strange things start to happen: Seemingly unrelated events connect; an eccentric old woman seeks their company; an invaluable Vermeer painting disappears. Before they know it, the two find themselves at the center of an international art scandal, where no one is spared from suspicion. As Petra and Calder are drawn clue by clue into a mysterious labyrinth, they must draw on their powers of intuition, their problem solving skills, and their knowledge of Vermeer. Can they decipher a crime that has stumped even the FBI?
Like an off-key violin concert, the Roman Empire, or food poisoning, all things must come to an end. Thankfully, this includes A Series of Unfortunate Events by Lemony Snicket. The thirteenth and final installment in the groundbreaking series will answer readers' most burning questions: Will Count Olaf prevail? Will the Baudelaires survive? Will the series end happily? If there's nothing out there, what was that noise? Then again, why trouble yourself with unfortunate resolutions? Avoid the thirteenth and final book of Lemony Snicket's international bestselling series and you'll never have to know what happens. Ages 10+
In their most daring misadventure, the Baudelaire orphans are adopted by very, very rich people, whose penthouse apartment is located mysteriously close to the place where all their misfortune began. Even though their new home in the city is fancy, and the children are clever and charming, I'm sorry to say that still, the unlucky orphans will encounter more disaster and woe. In fact, in this sixth book in A Series of Unfortunate Events, the children will experience a darkened staircase, a red herring, an auction, parsley soda, some friends in a dire situation, a secret passageway, and pinstripe suits. Both literary and irreverent, hilarious and deftly crafted, A Series of Unfortunate Events offers an exquisitely dark comedy in the tradition of Edward Gorey and Roald Dahl. Lemon Snicket's uproariously unhappy books continue to win readers, despite all his warning. Ages 10+
Warning: Your day will become very dark - and possibly damp - if you read this book. Plan to spend this spring in hiding. Lemony Snicket is back with the eleventh book in his New York Times bestselling A Series of Unfortunate Events. Lemony Snicket's saga about the charming, intelligent and grossly unlucky Baudelaire orphans continues to provoke suspicion and despair in readers the world over. In the eleventh and most alarming volume yet in the bestselling phenomenon A Series of Unfortunate Events, the intrepid siblings delve further into the dark mystery surrounding the death of their parents and the baffling VFD organisation. Ages 9+
Fast paced, funny, and full of surprises, The Grimjinx Rebellion brings Brian Farrey's epic and critically acclaimed Vengekeep Prophecies trilogy to an unforgettable close.Jaxter Grimjinx and his family haven't had much time for thieving. Through no fault of their own, they've been too busy saving the day. But the danger in the Five Provinces is only just beginning. The Palatinate Mages are almost ready to unveil their master plan, and legendary monsters will soon roam the land once more. Then Jaxter's sister, Aubrin, is kidnapped by the Mages. It seems she has a power greater than her family ever realized, and she may be the key to the impending battle for the Five Provinces. Jaxter will do anything to get his little sister back--even if it means pulling off the greatest heist of his life and starting a full-scale rebellion.A "rich fantasy" (Publishers Weekly, starred review) with a family of thieves who "couldn't be more likable" (Kirkus Reviews), the Vengekeep Prophecies trilogy takes everything you thought you knew about prophecies and spins it into pure magic.
A body on the tracks A teenage terrorist A mysterious wish-granting machine The world's worst private detective The second volume in the Guys Read Library of Great Reading is chock-full of mystery, intrigue, and nefarious activity. Featuring some of the best writers around, and compiled by certified guy Jon Scieszka, Guys Read: Thriller is a pulse-pounding collection of brand-new short stories, each one guaranteed to keep you riveted until the final page.
The Baudelaires need a safe place to stay - somewhere far away from terrible villains and local police. A quiet refuge where misfortune never visits. Might Heimlich Hospital be just the place? In Lemony Snicket's eighth ghastly instalment in A Series of Unfortunate Events, I'm sorry to say that the Baudelaire Orphans will spend time in a hospital where they risk encountering a misleading newspaper headline, unnecessary surgery, an intercom system, anesthesia, heart-shaped balloons, and some very startling news about a fire. Ages 10+
Dear possible reader of this book,<P> My editor asked me to write a third book in my series, Tales from the House of Bunnicula. And did I have trouble getting started! I was afraid I used up all my ideas. But faster than a writer can say "What if?" I came up with a story! It's about a lovable and smart (not to mention cute) orphan wirehaired dachshund puppy named Howie, who has a mysterious pain in his leg and is mysteriously invited to attend the Dogwiz Academy for Canine Conjurers. Together, Howie and his best friend, the very, very, very smart Delilah, who speaks in a British accent in this book for some reason, discover they must fight a sinister foe...The-Evil-Force-Whose-Nam-C'not-Be-Spoke!!!<P> Your friend, Howie
Dear possible reader of this book,<P> After I wrote my first book, It Came from Beneath the Bed!, my editor asked me to write another one. (Another one! This is hard work! I'd like to see him write another one!) So anyway...in this book the lovable and smart (not to mention talented) wirehaired dachshund puppy named Howie and his friend, the beautiful and brilliant Delilah, face their biggest challenge yet: the Mind Swappers from Asteroid 6!TM Along the way Delilah gets turned into a squirrel and has to beg for acorns. (Hey, don't ask me! Read the book!)<P> Your friend, Howie
Dear possible reader of this book,<P> I want to be a writer, just like my uncle Harold, who wrote a bunch of books about our friend Bunnicula. So I wrote this story. And boy! Did I ever get into trouble! My friend Delilah stopped speaking to me because I put her in my book. Uncle Harold stopped speaking to me because I didn't put him in my book. A writer's life isn't easy!<P> But back to my story: It's about how a talented and lovable (not to mention smart) wirehaired dachshund puppy named Howie saves the world from a disgusting, evil menace named...oops, that would give away the story. But trust me, this menace is disgusting and evil, all right!!!<P> Your friend, Howie
I hope, for your sake, that you have not chosen to read this book because you are in the mood for a pleasant experience. If this is the case, I advise you to put this book down instantaneously, because of all the books describing the unhappy lives of the Baudelaire orphans, The Miserable Mill might be the unhappiest yet. Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire are sent to Paltryville to work in a lumber mill, and they find disaster and misfortune lurking behind every log. The pages of this book, I'm sorry to inform you, contain such unpleasantries as a giant pincher machine, a bad casserole, a man with a cloud of smoke where his head should be, a hypnotist, a terrible accident resulting in injury, and coupons. I have promised to write down the entire history of these three poor children, but you haven't, so if you prefer stories that are more heartwarming, please feel free to make another selection. With all due respect, Lemony Snicket Ages 10+
In this inventive, short, yet perfectly formed novel inspired by traditional Norse mythology, Neil Gaiman takes readers on a wild and magical trip to the land of giants and gods and back. In a village in ancient Norway lives a boy named Odd, and he's had some very bad luck: His father perished in a Viking expedition; a tree fell on and shattered his leg; the endless freezing winter is making villagers dangerously grumpy. Out in the forest Odd encounters a bear, a fox, and an eagle-three creatures with a strange story to tell. Now Odd is forced on a stranger journey than he had imagined-a journey to save Asgard, city of the gods, from the Frost Giants who have invaded it. It's going to take a very special kind of twelve-year-old boy to outwit the Frost Giants, restore peace to the city of gods, and end the long winter. Someone cheerful and infuriating and clever . . . Someone just like Odd .
Dear possible reader of this book, What's faster than a speeding bullet and more powerful than a pound of Gorgonzola cheese? It's Stinky Dog, the hero of my new book. By a stroke of fate (or is it destiny?) the lovable (not to mention cute) Howie Monroe is transformed into Stinky Dog, protector of the innocent. (Don't worry, he's still lovable.) (Not to mention cute.) The secret of Stinky Dog's power is Super Stench--an odor so strong it can bend steel! (Am I good or what?) Joined by a smart-mouthed sidekick, a sparrow named Little D, Stinky Dog tries to save Center City from villainous, low-life, miserable, rotten, wicked, kindergarten-scissors-stealing gangs who roam the streets, knocking down little old ladies and running off with their handbags! Your friend, Howie e
Lemony Snicket returns with the last book before the last book of his bestselling Series of Unfortunate Events. Scream and run away before the secrets of the series are revealed! Very little is known about Lemony Snicket and A Series of Unfortunate Events. What we do know is contained in the following brief list: o The books have inexplicably sold millions and millions of copies worldwide o People in more than 40 countries are consumed by consuming Snicket o The movie was as sad as the books, if not more so o Like unrefrigerated butter and fungus, the popularity of these books keeps spreading Even less is known about book the twelfth in this alarming phenomenon. What we do know is contained in the following brief list: o In this book, things only get worse o Count Olaf is still evil o The Baudelaire orphans do not win a contest o The title begins with the word, 'The' Sometimes, ignorance is bliss. Ages 10+
Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire are intelligent children. They are charming, and resourceful, and have pleasant facial features. Unfortunately, they are exceptionally unlucky. In the first two books alone, the three youngsters encounter a greedy and repulsive villain, itchy clothing, a disastrous fire, a plot to steal their fortune, a lumpy bed, a deadly serpent, a large brass reading lamp, a long knife, and a terrible odour. In the tradition of great storytellers, from Dickens to Dahl, comes an exquisitely dark comedy that is both literary and irreverent, hilarious and deftly crafted. Never before has a tale of three likeable and unfortunate children been quite so enchanting, or quite so uproariously unhappy. Ages 10+
Dear possible reader of this book, I wasn't sure I'd be able to write a book ever again after Canine Quarterly reviewed my series, Tales from the House of Bunnicula. They said I would never win the Newbony Award. Was I depressed! And I didn't even know what a Newbony was! Luckily Delilah's read a lot of Newbony books, so she helped me write this one. It's about a poor (but very cute) orphan dachshund puppy named Howie Monroe, who lives on the prairie and yearns for a chicken bone. (I know. Trust me.) Things really get exciting when Howie and his best friend, the smart and well-read Delilah, find a time machine and travel back to ancient Egypt where they uncover...the mystery of the Pharaoh's tomb!!! Your friend, Howie
If you have not read anything about the Baudelaire orphans, then before you read even one more sentence, you should know this: Violet, Klaus, and Sunny are kindhearted and quick-witted, but their lives are filled with bad luck and misery. All of the stories about these three children are unhappy and wretched and will most likely fill you with deep despair. From The Bad Beginning to The End, this comprehensive collection with unfortunate bonus material that may or may not include trivia questions, character profiles, and several very sad sentences is the only choice for people who simply cannot get enough of a bad thing!
Lemony Snicket's unhappy tale of the unlucky Baudelaire siblings begins with The Bad Beginning. In this short bothersome book alone, the three orphans encounter a greedy and repulsive villain, itchy clothing, a disastrous fire, a plot to steal their fortune, and cold porridge for breakfast. Should you not mind deadly serpents, slippery salamanders, lumpy beds, large brass reading lamps, long knives, and terrible odors, then proceed with caution to the second book in the miserable series, The Reptile Room. Readers unbothered by inclement weather, hungry leeches, and cold cucumber soup will want to continue with the third installment, The Wide Window. Others will not. If you've got the stomach to wade through the first three tragic tales in Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events, then this troubling collection might be the one for you. Several loathsome extras, including a compilation of unsettling quotations and a very disturbing portrait, await those who successfully complete the wretched journey. You've been warned!
If you have come this far, it is likely too late. Readers who have experienced the first nine volumes in A Series of Unfortunate Events by Lemony Snicket are usually so weakened by their dreadful knowledge of the Baudelaire orphans' story that they spend most of their time moaning and weeping, and have no strength to read The Slippery Slope, The Grim Grotto, The Penultimate Peril, or The End. If, by chance, your moaning and weeping is more or less under control, there is no need to further risk your physical, emotional, and literary health by reading the four remaining volumes in the series. It would be better to regain your strength by spending your time indulging in less alarming activities, such as whistling or making cupcakes for the elderly. After all, this collection contains all of the calamities in the last four volumes of A Series of Unfortunate Events, including abandoned condiments, cigarette smoking, a shocking revelation, a ridiculous laugh, a fearsome storm, a herd of wild sheep, a truly haunting secret about the Baudelaire parents, another shocking revelation, and Phil. There is no need to exposure yourself to such atrocities, not after all you've been through already.
Would you rather sprain your ankle, bruise your hip, and lose a toe to frostbite on the same day? Or would you rather have these accidents happen on three different days? This electronic collection of volumes 7 through 9 in A Series of Unfortunate Events by Lemony Snicket is the e-equivalent of having three ghastly accidents right in a row. Contained here are such unpleasantries as kidnapping, disguise, murder, paperwork, another disguise, heart-shaped balloons, false allegations, stiletto heels, a shattered crystal ball, a cryptic map, an irritating song, and quite a few more disguises, all bundled together into a continuous barrage of horror and dismay. The more sensible approach would be to read The Vile Village, The Hostile Hospital, and The Carnivorous Carnival months or even years apart from one another, so you have time to recuperate from the misery each volume offers--or better yet, to turn your eyes away from Mr. Snicket's work and find an electronic experience that would cause you no distress whatsoever.
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