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Building a Marriage That Will Last a Lifetime Authors Greg and Erin Smalley open their hearts and share their lives in Before You Plan Your Wedding...Plan Your Marriage so that you can know not only how to build a marriage that will last, but also how to have the kind of marriage where you and your spouse feel safe and honored and valued. When you feel safe, your heart will be open -- and open hearts make for fulfilling, powerful relationships. Find out about the "fear dance" and how to stop dancing it. Discover the two biggest issues that threaten every marriage and how to stop them before they start. Learn what's more important than finding your soul mate and the significance of happiness in your union. As wonderful as a wedding is, it lasts only for a brief time -- yet marriage is meant to last a lifetime. This important book will show you how to plan your marriage before you plan your wedding.
Gary and Greg Smalley are psychologists as well as father and son. They share insights from their relationship as well as their experience with their clients. They teach parents how to create a loving, respectful, and nurturing relationship with teenagers. Topics include offering loving discipline, handling the family car, dating, and letting go as teens reach adulthood.
HAVE YOU EVER FELT AS IF YOU'RE . . . Repeating the Same Mistakes in Your Relationships? Dr. Gary Smalley tells you the whys and hows of relationships. His insights are based on five years of relational research showing amazing results: a more than 90 percent success rate in resolving conflict and a 72 percent increase in relationship satisfaction.
In this counterintuitive book, author Dr. Greg Smalley maintains that fighting is actually good for a marriage. When couples fight, they have the opportunity to get to the real issue lurking below the surface about money, sex, in-laws, kids, etc. And that real issue, Dr. Smalley says, is fear--fear of rejection, inadequacy, or powerlessness, to name a few. What assuages these fears are things like intimacy, respect, validation, love, and connection. Learning to take advantage of the opportunity that conflict provides is what this book is all about. The good news of Fight Your Way to a Better Marriage is that conflict--when handled correctly--is the doorway to intimacy and under-standing. As Dr. Smalley leads readers through the many faces of conflict, he is open and candid about his own marriage and the unproductive fights he and his wife have had. He uses his fears and emotional triggers as examples to help read-ers discover their own. Couples will learn how to fight their way to a better marriage, using the skills, concepts, and exercises shared in this remarkable book. *** Typical marriage fights = money, sex, in-laws, and kids. But what if fights could = trust, respect, intimacy, and understanding? WHAT IF CONFLICT IN MARRIAGE COULD BE A GOOD THING? The truth is that marriages and spouses can't grow without conflict. Some of the many values of conflict include: * An opportunity to break old, ineffective patterns * A way to guard against being too comfortable or too complacent, which breeds mediocrity and boredom * Insight into your own personal issues * A window for viewing each other's deepest feelings and needs * Reduction of tension as emotions are vented and stress is released * Greater trust and intimacy after pushing through difficult and heated conversations * Higher levels of marital satisfaction every time you manage the conflict well * The sole reason we have the amazing experience of makeup sex
The Wholehearted Marriage offers practical tools for helping couples keep a passionate connection with one another and understand the role their hearts play in their lives. Drs. Smalley and Stoever maintain that circumstances, such as busy lifestyles, differences between spouses, personal baggage, the loss of a loved one, childhood trauma, etc., trigger reactions that condition us to close up our hearts for protection, blocking the flow of love. A disengaged, protected heart makes it impossible to experience an intimate, connected marriage. As a result, couples drift apart, trying to find some version of contentment, or they give up altogether and look for love somewhere else. Through their experiences in marriage counseling, Drs. Smalley and Stoever discovered that the commonly heard phrase "I don't love him/her anymore" is merely a camouflaged misunderstanding about what true love is and God's design for it. They affirm that love is more than just a feeling, and that to have true, lasting intimacy, couples need to learn to love wholeheartedly.
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