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Top Secret-only for readers deeply interested in the Baudelaire case. How I pity those readers. With all due respect, Lemony Snicket
The first three novels in the Snicket series of unfortunate events, chronicling the lives of the ever-unlucky Baudelaire orphans. Very funny!
The elusive author provides a glimpse into his mysterious and confusing life, using fanciful letters, diary entries and other documents.
Imagine tales so terrible that as many as fifty million innocents have been ruined by them - tales so indelibly horrid that the New York Times bestseller list has been unable to rid itself of them for seven years. Now imagine if this scourge suddenly became available in a shameful new edition so sensational, so irresistible, so riddled with lurid new pictures that even a common urchin would wish for it. Who among us would be safe? Begin at the beginning - evenif it is a bad one - with the first in A Series of Unfortunate Events, now even more disposable in paperback!
Like bad smells, uninvited weekend guests or very old eggs, there are some things that ought to be avoided. Snicket's saga about the charming, intelligent, and grossly unlucky Baudelaire orphans continues to alarm its distressed and suspicious fans the world over. The 10th book in this outrageous publishing effort features more than the usual dose of distressing details, such as snow gnats, an organised troupe of youngsters, an evil villain with a dastardly plan, a secret headquarters and some dangerous antics you should not try at home. With the weather turning colder, this is one chilling book you would be better off without. Ages 10+
Warning: Your day will become very dark - and possibly damp - if you read this book. Plan to spend this spring in hiding. Lemony Snicket is back with the eleventh book in his New York Times bestselling A Series of Unfortunate Events. Lemony Snicket's saga about the charming, intelligent and grossly unlucky Baudelaire orphans continues to provoke suspicion and despair in readers the world over. In the eleventh and most alarming volume yet in the bestselling phenomenon A Series of Unfortunate Events, the intrepid siblings delve further into the dark mystery surrounding the death of their parents and the baffling VFD organisation. Ages 9+
Lemony Snicket returns with the last book before the last book of his bestselling Series of Unfortunate Events. Scream and run away before the secrets of the series are revealed! Very little is known about Lemony Snicket and A Series of Unfortunate Events. What we do know is contained in the following brief list: o The books have inexplicably sold millions and millions of copies worldwide o People in more than 40 countries are consumed by consuming Snicket o The movie was as sad as the books, if not more so o Like unrefrigerated butter and fungus, the popularity of these books keeps spreading Even less is known about book the twelfth in this alarming phenomenon. What we do know is contained in the following brief list: o In this book, things only get worse o Count Olaf is still evil o The Baudelaire orphans do not win a contest o The title begins with the word, 'The' Sometimes, ignorance is bliss. Ages 10+
Like an off-key violin concert, the Roman Empire, or food poisoning, all things must come to an end. Thankfully, this includes A Series of Unfortunate Events by Lemony Snicket. The thirteenth and final installment in the groundbreaking series will answer readers' most burning questions: Will Count Olaf prevail? Will the Baudelaires survive? Will the series end happily? If there's nothing out there, what was that noise? Then again, why trouble yourself with unfortunate resolutions? Avoid the thirteenth and final book of Lemony Snicket's international bestselling series and you'll never have to know what happens. Ages 10+
Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire are intelligent children. They are charming, and resourceful, and have pleasant facial features. Unfortunately, they are exceptionally unlucky. In the first two books alone, the three youngsters encounter a greedy and repulsive villain, itchy clothing, a disastrous fire, a plot to steal their fortune, a lumpy bed, a deadly serpent, a large brass reading lamp, a long knife, and a terrible odour. In the tradition of great storytellers, from Dickens to Dahl, comes an exquisitely dark comedy that is both literary and irreverent, hilarious and deftly crafted. Never before has a tale of three likeable and unfortunate children been quite so enchanting, or quite so uproariously unhappy. Ages 10+
Dear Reader, If you have not read anything about the Baudelaire orphans, then before you read even one more sentence, you should know this: Violet, Klaus, and Sunny are kindhearted and quick-witted, but their lives, I am sorry to say, are filled with bad luck and misery. All of the stories about these three children are unhappy and wretched, and this one may be the worst of them all.If you haven't got the stomach for a story that includes a hurricane, a signalling device, hungry leeches, cold cucumber soup, a horrible villain, and a doll named Pretty Penny, then this book will probably fill you with despair.I will continue to record these tragic tales, for that is what I do. You, however, should decide for yourself whether you can possibly endure this miserable story. With all due respect, Lemony Snicket Ages 10+
I hope, for your sake, that you have not chosen to read this book because you are in the mood for a pleasant experience. If this is the case, I advise you to put this book down instantaneously, because of all the books describing the unhappy lives of the Baudelaire orphans, The Miserable Mill might be the unhappiest yet. Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire are sent to Paltryville to work in a lumber mill, and they find disaster and misfortune lurking behind every log. The pages of this book, I'm sorry to inform you, contain such unpleasantries as a giant pincher machine, a bad casserole, a man with a cloud of smoke where his head should be, a hypnotist, a terrible accident resulting in injury, and coupons. I have promised to write down the entire history of these three poor children, but you haven't, so if you prefer stories that are more heartwarming, please feel free to make another selection. With all due respect, Lemony Snicket Ages 10+
As the three Baudelaire orphans warily approach their new home Prufrock Preparatory School : they can't help but notice the enormous stone arch bearing the school's motto Memento Mori or "Remember you will die." This is not a cheerful greeting and certainly marks an inauspicious beginning to a very bleak story just as we have come to expect from Lemony Snickett's Series of Unfortunate Events, the deliciously morbid set of books that began with The Bad Beginning and only got worse. Ages 10+
In their most daring misadventure, the Baudelaire orphans are adopted by very, very rich people, whose penthouse apartment is located mysteriously close to the place where all their misfortune began. Even though their new home in the city is fancy, and the children are clever and charming, I'm sorry to say that still, the unlucky orphans will encounter more disaster and woe. In fact, in this sixth book in A Series of Unfortunate Events, the children will experience a darkened staircase, a red herring, an auction, parsley soda, some friends in a dire situation, a secret passageway, and pinstripe suits. Both literary and irreverent, hilarious and deftly crafted, A Series of Unfortunate Events offers an exquisitely dark comedy in the tradition of Edward Gorey and Roald Dahl. Lemon Snicket's uproariously unhappy books continue to win readers, despite all his warning. Ages 10+
Dear Reader,You have undoubtedly picked up this book by mistake, so please put it down. Nobody in their right mind would read this particular book about the lives of Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire on purpose, because each dismal moment of their stay in the village of V.F.D. has been faithfully and dreadfully recorded in these pages.I can think of no single reason why anyone would want to open a book containing such unpleasant matters as migrating crows, an angry mob, a newspaper headline, the arrest of innocent people, the Deluxe Cell, and some very strange hats.It is my solemn and sacred occupation to research each detail of the Baudelaire children's lives and write them all down, but you may prefer to do some other solemn and sacred thing, such as reading another book instead.With all due respect,Lemony Snicket Ages 10+
The Baudelaires need a safe place to stay - somewhere far away from terrible villains and local police. A quiet refuge where misfortune never visits. Might Heimlich Hospital be just the place? In Lemony Snicket's eighth ghastly instalment in A Series of Unfortunate Events, I'm sorry to say that the Baudelaire Orphans will spend time in a hospital where they risk encountering a misleading newspaper headline, unnecessary surgery, an intercom system, anesthesia, heart-shaped balloons, and some very startling news about a fire. Ages 10+
Everybody loves a carnival! Who can fail to delight in the colourful people, the unworldly spectacle, the fabulous freaks? A carnival is a place for good family fun - as long as one has a family, that is. For the Baudelaire orphans, their time at the carnival turns out to be yet another episode in a now unbearable series of unfortunate events. In fact, in this appalling ninth instalment in Lemony Snicket's serial, the siblings must confront a terrible lie, a caravan, and Chabo the wolf baby. With millions of readers worldwide, and the Baudelaire's fate turning from unpleasant to unseemly, it is clear that Lemony Snicket has taken nearly all the fun out of children's books. Ages 10+
If you have not read anything about the Baudelaire orphans, then before you read even one more sentence, you should know this: Violet, Klaus, and Sunny are kindhearted and quick-witted, but their lives are filled with bad luck and misery. All of the stories about these three children are unhappy and wretched and will most likely fill you with deep despair. From The Bad Beginning to The End, this comprehensive collection with unfortunate bonus material that may or may not include trivia questions, character profiles, and several very sad sentences is the only choice for people who simply cannot get enough of a bad thing!
Lemony Snicket's unhappy tale of the unlucky Baudelaire siblings begins with The Bad Beginning. In this short bothersome book alone, the three orphans encounter a greedy and repulsive villain, itchy clothing, a disastrous fire, a plot to steal their fortune, and cold porridge for breakfast. Should you not mind deadly serpents, slippery salamanders, lumpy beds, large brass reading lamps, long knives, and terrible odors, then proceed with caution to the second book in the miserable series, The Reptile Room. Readers unbothered by inclement weather, hungry leeches, and cold cucumber soup will want to continue with the third installment, The Wide Window. Others will not. If you've got the stomach to wade through the first three tragic tales in Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events, then this troubling collection might be the one for you. Several loathsome extras, including a compilation of unsettling quotations and a very disturbing portrait, await those who successfully complete the wretched journey. You've been warned!
If you have come this far, it is likely too late. Readers who have experienced the first nine volumes in A Series of Unfortunate Events by Lemony Snicket are usually so weakened by their dreadful knowledge of the Baudelaire orphans' story that they spend most of their time moaning and weeping, and have no strength to read The Slippery Slope, The Grim Grotto, The Penultimate Peril, or The End. If, by chance, your moaning and weeping is more or less under control, there is no need to further risk your physical, emotional, and literary health by reading the four remaining volumes in the series. It would be better to regain your strength by spending your time indulging in less alarming activities, such as whistling or making cupcakes for the elderly. After all, this collection contains all of the calamities in the last four volumes of A Series of Unfortunate Events, including abandoned condiments, cigarette smoking, a shocking revelation, a ridiculous laugh, a fearsome storm, a herd of wild sheep, a truly haunting secret about the Baudelaire parents, another shocking revelation, and Phil. There is no need to exposure yourself to such atrocities, not after all you've been through already.
Would you rather sprain your ankle, bruise your hip, and lose a toe to frostbite on the same day? Or would you rather have these accidents happen on three different days? This electronic collection of volumes 7 through 9 in A Series of Unfortunate Events by Lemony Snicket is the e-equivalent of having three ghastly accidents right in a row. Contained here are such unpleasantries as kidnapping, disguise, murder, paperwork, another disguise, heart-shaped balloons, false allegations, stiletto heels, a shattered crystal ball, a cryptic map, an irritating song, and quite a few more disguises, all bundled together into a continuous barrage of horror and dismay. The more sensible approach would be to read The Vile Village, The Hostile Hospital, and The Carnivorous Carnival months or even years apart from one another, so you have time to recuperate from the misery each volume offers--or better yet, to turn your eyes away from Mr. Snicket's work and find an electronic experience that would cause you no distress whatsoever.
The Baudelaire children are in the quest of a new guardian again, here the aphorism that "it takes a village to raise a child" has new meanings for the children. The mysterious village of V.F.D. and his inhabitants, the crows, and more over the thousands of rules of behavior they have are the new challenges for Violet, Klaus and Sunny. Count Olaf had kidnapped the Quagmire triplets to steal their saphires, whether the Baudelaire orphans will be able to discover their place of hiding and rescue them lies the central narrative of THE VILE VILLAGE(A SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS, BOOK 7)
I should have asked the question "How could someone who was missing be in two places at once?" Instead, I asked the wrong question -- four wrong questions, more or less. This is the account of the second.In the fading town of Stain'd-by-the-Sea, young apprentice Lemony Snicket has a new case to solve when he and his chaperone are hired to find a missing girl. Is the girl a runaway? Or was she kidnapped? Was she seen last at the grocery store? Or could she have stopped at the diner? Is it really any of your business? These are All The Wrong Questions.
In a fading town, far from anyone he knew or trusted, a young Lemony Snicket began his apprenticeship in an organization nobody knows about. He started by asking questions that shouldn't have been on his mind. Now he has written an account that should not be published, in four volumes that shouldn't be read. This is the first volume.
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