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Survival stratagems from Joan Rivers Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger. And always remember: Surviving is the best revenge Look at Alexander Graham Bell, who did 22,000 experiments before he hit on the telephone. Just a few more and he would have had call waiting. Whenever I hit bottom, the only thing I think of was set down by Jerome Kern: Pick myself up, dust myself off and start all over again. Dr. Kevorkian will get no call from me, unless I think he'd look good in a brooch. A fiercely honest and moving story of how Joan Rivers, one of comedy's greatest stars, survived the worst that life could throw at her, how she hit bottom and then made it back to the top.
"How do I love thee? Let me count the ways." - Elizabeth Barrett Browning, 1850. "How do I hate thee? How much time do you have?" - Joan Rivers, today, about two-ish. Joan Rivers is a groundbreaking, award-winning, internationally renowned entertainment goddess. She's also opinionated - especially when it comes to people she hates. Like people who think giving birth is a unique achievement. Or well-adjusted, a.k.a. boring, ex-child stars who don't even have a decent addiction. With all of her diverse experiences, it stands to reason that Joan has seen, done, said, and heard a lot of hateful things. Thank god, she took notes. Here - uncensored and totally uninhibited - she give the best of her worst to First Ladies, closet cases, hypocrites, Hollywood, feminists, and overrated historical figures. And even when letting herself have it, Joan doesn't hold back in this honest, unabashedly hilarious love letter to the hater in all of us.
Red-carpet fashion laureate, comic icon, and outspoken superstar Joan Rivers is uniquely qualified to talk about plastic surgery -- because she's one of the few celebrities unafraid to admit to the world what she's "had done" to keep looking so great. Now, in this no-holds-barred book, she gives women straight-talking advice on better living through looking better. Joan Rivers' abiding life philosophy is simple: in the appearance-centric society of the twenty-first century, beauty is key -- especially where men are concerned. Men like pretty women. And so, getting something lifted, tightened, adjusted, or removed is as fundamental as wearing makeup or using hair conditioner; it's become something we do to make ourselves look better. Now, for any woman considering her options, Joan Rivers takes the mystery out of cosmetic surgery with a practical overview, aided and informed by the country's top plastic surgeons, of almost every single cosmetic procedure legally performed in America today. She takes readers step-by-step through these entire processes, from fi nding the right doctor to the bruising truth about recovery and the facts about cosmetic surgery's very real risks. But don't worry -- there's dish, too. Filled with Rivers' personal anecdotes about life under the knife, Men Are Stupid...And They Like Big Boobs is also rife with Hollywood gossip about who's done what and how often. Part comic musing, part bitch-fest, and part hands-on advice, this is a bracingly funny, wildly frank, and genuinely passionate argument for a woman's right to do whatever it takes to be beautiful, to feel better about herself, and most of all to be happy -- not only with who she is, but who she wants to be. Throughout the book, Joan Rivers is right there, guiding and encouraging with no apologies, no excuses, and absolutely no shame. Take it from the woman who enjoys having it all -- done.
There's no one better equipped than the tart-tongued Maxine Taylor to hold court on the star-studded red carpet. But when Halsey Hamilton--young, fabulous, and fresh out of rehab--stumbles up to the mic, slurs a few cryptic words, and drops dead at the hem of Max's stunning Michael Kors gown, Max must embark on an undercover twelve-step investigation and find Halsey's killer in this smart, bracingly funny, and Über-stylish mystery.mble up to the mic, slur a few cryptic words, and drop dead at the hem of Max's stunning Michael Kors gown. To Hollywood, the starlet's demise was tragic but inevitable. To Max, it looks more like a perfectly calculated crime. After all, she alone heard Halsey's final whisper -- a clue that leads Max to the pricey rehab clinic Wonders. With a weakness for nothing more disturbing than artificial sweeteners, Max nonetheless goes undercover and embarks on a twelve-step investigation into murder. Once inside the luxury clinic, Max's list of suspicious players expands faster than the Jolie-Pitt family: Burke Norris, a professional cad and Drew's ex-fiancé; Halsey's father, who is still making money off his dead daughter's fame; Halsey's jealous younger sister; and Rojo Bernstein, a tattooed karate hipster who knew the troubled fallen star much better than anyone suspected. Now it's left to Max to unravel the sordid motives and find Halsey's killer while upstaging an over-the-top Hollywood memorial service and funeral where the ill-fated actress was buried in, of all things, a tacky designer knockoff! And you thought the Oscars were all swag bags and Jimmy Choos? Hah! Honey, it's murder. In Murder at the Academy Awards®, Joan Rivers delivers a very smart, bracingly funny, and pitch-perfect reflection of a Hollywood only she would dare to reveal -- all seen through the eyes of an indomitable, high-end amateur sleuth who isn't asking "Who are you wearing?" but rather "Whodunit?"
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