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So you've watched the movies This Is Spinal Tap and Monty Python and the Holy Grail a hundred times each, and now you desire another brilliant opus to tickle your cranial sponge in a similar fashion. Well, look no further, fellow Berzerkers! Golden god Zakk Wylde and his brother-in-Metal Eric Hendrikx are about to take you on a Black Label Crusade of World Tour Domination, sharing never-before-told stories of backstage lunacy and Metal-maniacal anecdotes for the aspiring Berzerker like you. Why would you need to buy this book about a modern-day Viking who strums his own fiddle for a living? You'd better ask yourself one simple question: Would you rather have us come beat the money out of you, or do you want to give it up the easy and painless way? As a twenty-five-year veteran of the Ozzy Osbourne band and Black Label Society, Zakk Wylde has managed not only to stay alive against all odds but has also survived numerous attacks on his life by members of his own band, his wife, his children, his manager, and even his dogs. Among deranged tales of onstage indecent exposure and booze-fueled destruction, Wylde continues your Metal awakening with the sacred founding myths--explaining, for instance, how the forging of Metal in Valhalla begot the Black Label Empire--and lays out the battle-tested Rules of the Road. For the young Metal Loki, Wylde offers exclusive tips on how not to make it in the business, insights about planning your band's tour and outfitting the Black Vatican recording studio, plus more useful advice on how to set up a shooting range on a tour bus and how to survive a mosh pit. Bringing Metal to the Children will make you laugh, weep, vomit--maybe even soil yourself--and if you aspire to new heights of Metal mayhem, get on the bus and get ready for the Metal ride of your life.