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First Golfer: Hey, how's your golf game? Second Golfer: Not so good. It seems the older I get, the better I used to be! Whether you're slicing your way through the fairway or chipping up enough dirt to build an in-ground pool, there's nothing like a good golf joke to keep a duffer from taking the game too seriously (you know who you are). This riotous collection contains enough material for you and your fellow golfers to laugh your way to the 19th hole, game after game. Two golfer and their caddies were out on the course one day. By the fifteenth hole one of the golfers had blown so many putts he went berserk. He started swearing out loud, grabbed his putter and, with a mighty toss, threw it at the water hazard forty yards away. One caddy turned to the other and said, Five bucks says he misses the water! For anyone with a sense of humor, even those who think that golf and golfers are best left to America's Funniest Home Videos, 501 Golf Jokes will always make a hold-in-one at parties, at the office, at any occasion. Franklin Dohanyos collaborated with Karoyln Grimes on the holiday bestseller Zuzu Bailey's It's A Wonderful Life Cookbook and is the editor of The Cats Of Our Lives. He runs his own public relations firm and lives in Royal Oak, Michigan.
Zombies are, or were, people too! Escape routes, defense plans, survival kits. Enough is enough! Zombies have gotten a bad rap, and it's time the redeeming qualities of these brain-eating (but potentially lovable) creatures come to light. Enter 501 Things to Do with a Zombie. Inside, you'll see that the undead make the perfect sidekicks for just about anything you've got going on. Can't convince a buddy to join you in karaoke? No worries! A Zombie never suffers from stage fright! Looking to take a leisurely stroll through the local farmers' market? Zombies know the secret to picking out the freshest tomatoes. Need to negotiate a new cell-phone contract? Bring a Zombie along to get out of the two-year commitment (he can strong-arm the sales rep--that is, unless it's missing). Sure, Zombies may have rotting flesh and nasty viruses, but don't we all have our faults? Open your mind and open this book for inspired ideas on how we can all learn to get along.
From the Book jacket: What's better than Dial-A-Joke? File-A-Joke. This is the book you've been looking for. The one that takes the worry out of wisecracks, the book that proves there is such a thing as easy humor (providing somebody else does the work!) This book does all the work. Now all you have to do is leaf through and enjoy. Or, better yet, pick a victim and look him up in the index. Your unsuspecting mailman, for instance: "Say, Charlie, why is this letter wet?" (Your postman gives a puzzled look.) "Must be postage dew." (Then duck, quickly.) And there's no need to stop there. Is your postman rather hefty? Then just flip to the back of the book and look under "Fat People" (no beating around the bush with this book). You'll find high-level intelligence quotients under "Smartness," conceit under "Stuck Up," and unmarried ladies under "Old Maids." Want a crazy excuse for being late for work? Try #3212. Or for never having learned to spell? #4923. And #4378 is great to try on ex-cons and football lovers. If you want to impress a literary snob who asks you if you know Shakespeare, quote #4595 and say, "Sure, I read his stuff as soon as it comes out." Search these pages to find out why Ireland is the richest country in the world (#5480), how we know Washington had a great memory (#4007), and who went two thousand miles on a galleon [sic] (#5025). In its unusual Introduction, 5600 Jokes for All Occasions supplies us with a valuable guide to making the most of the material. The Introduction gives hints on How to Select Material, Write and Tell Jokes, Adapt Jokes, and Write Sketches and Continuities. The humorous situations are broadly classified into Individuals and Institutions, and these are neatly subdivided so that every subject is related to the subjects before and after it. The most comprehensive collection of humor on the market today, 5600 Jokes is a laugh-makers dream.
Actor and comedian Billy Crystal has forged a highly successful career by portraying other people in movies like When Harry Met Sally...and City Slickers. But in 700 Sundays, a memoir based on his one-man Broadway play of the same name, Crystal tells his own story, dissecting an often complex relationship with his father and how that relationship resonated in other aspects of his life. His father, Jack Crystal was an influential jazz concert promoter and operated an influential jazz record label, affording his son an opportunity to tell stories of being taken to his first movie by Billie Holliday and seeing his grandmother suggest that Louis Armstrong simply "try coughing it up." But Jack died when his son was fifteen years old, soon after a forever-unresolved argument between the two, leaving Billy to cope with crushing grief while simultaneously and perhaps ironically trying to launch a career in comedy. This lends 700 Sundays much needed gravity in a volume that is packed with zingy one-liners and whimsical observations that serve to illustrate the comedy career Crystal forged, while also providing some decent laughs. Interestingly, there is very little reference to the better known accomplishments of Crystal's Hollywood career as the author chooses to focus instead on the seemingly mundane but highly entertaining aspects of his Long Island roots. Though 700 Sundays (the name comes from Crystal's estimation of how many Sundays he got to spend with his father) is packaged here in book form, it reads like a piece of theater and, more specifically, like a selection of memories about a father, lovingly and touchingly re-told by his loving son. --John Moe
A hilarious collection of malicious, crude and catty quotes taken straight from the mouths of well-known entertainers, authors, politicians and other public figures. Ross and Kathryn Petras are writers and media junkies. When not collecting other people's stupidities and nasty comments, they collect their own.
A connoisseur's compendium of Freudian slips, spoonerisms, double-talk, and utter bosh from famous and infamous figures past and present -- a complete course in anti-eloquence by the foot-in-mouth champions of all time.
9-1/2 Years Behind the Green Door, a Memoir: A Mitchell Brothers Stripper Remembers Her Lover Artie Mitchell, Hunter S. Thompson, and the Killing that Rocked San Franciscoby Simone Corday
Before the advent of AIDS, the theater and its steamy live shows are a countercultural venue for celebrities in entertainment and sports, and for San Francisco politicians and journalists. Simone Corday, who danced at the O'Farrell and was a girlfriend of the late Artie Mitchell, shares her unique story and her insights. As the only woman insider, she writes about this insular when she was close to the impulsive Mitchells, and a friend of the O'Farrell's honorary Night Manager, Hunter Thompson.
The original taught you what it means to be an asshole--a cocky bastard who everyone wants to be, or at least wants to be around. The Cheat Sheet teaches you how to take that a-hole knowledge and apply it whenever you want to get whatever you want. Need to kick her out but keep her on the hook? Go from the nosebleeds to the floor without greasing palms? Score the interview (and the job) with zero experience? You're all set. Difficult's made simple as your day-to-day problems are tackled one by one. And you learn how to use your a**hole skills to get what you want without getting called out. Don't spend life being picked on like a pansy, or hated on like a douche bag. Stand up. Take control. Be an a**hole.
People love movies. People love lists. So The A-List is a natural. While there are plenty of encyclopedic lists of films, this compulsively readable book of 100 essays-most written expressly for this volume-flags the best of the best as chosen by a consensus of the National Society of Film Critics. The Society is a world-renowned, marquee-name organization embracing some of America's most distinguished critics: more than forty writers who have national followings as well as devoted local constituencies in such major cities as New York, Chicago, Los Angeles, Boston, Philadelphia, Atlanta, and Minneapolis. But make no mistake about it: This isn't a collection of esoteric "critic's choice" movies. The Society has made its selections based on a film's intrinsic merits, its role in the development of the motion-picture art, and its impact on culture and society. Some of the choices are controversial. So are some of the omissions. It will be a jumping-off point for discussions for years to come. And since the volume spans all international films from the very beginning, it will act as a balance to recent guides dominated by films of the last two decades (hardly film's golden age). Here is a book that is definitely ready for its close-up.
In this book, the author sees recordings as socially progressive and instruments of a musical vernacular, and argues that, just as photography redefined visual art, recording technology has transformed our understanding of art music.
Benoist moved from France to the US and became the accompanist of musicians such as Jascha Heifetz and Albert Spalding, with many tours, recordings, concerts and broadcasts over decades.
OFFICIAL RULES OF MORE THAN 200 POPULAR GAMES OF SKILL AND CHANCE WITH EXPERT ADVICE ON WINNING PLAY
The original purpose of Professor Backus's book was to collect and organize the scattered results of research, past and present, in the areas of scientific knowledge that are relevant to music: the physiological properties of sounds; the effect of acoustical environment; the acoustical behavior of musical instruments; and the various applications of electronics and computers to the production, reproduction, and composition of music. The aims and organization of the second edition remain the same; the results are more complete and up-to-date.
Follow the author as he goes on a harrowing journey from the US Olympic Training Center to homeless shelters to shooting heroin on the job to being declared dead. This story goes beyond addiction. It is about the fragility and tenacity of the human spirit and how that spirit can redeem each and every one of us by helping to push us through the darkness, whether the darkness is from death, divorce, or the disease of addiction.Acrobaddict is a story about the close relationship between athletics and drug addiction-how the same energy, obsession, and dedication that can create an Olympic athlete can also create a homeless drug addict.PUBLISHERS WEEKLY (Starred review) After reading former Olympic gymnastics hopeful Putignano's sinister yet intoxicating memoir of addiction, recovery, and more addiction, you wind up feeling like one of his closest friends. The first-time author, who now portrays Crystal Man in Cirque du Soleil's traveling production of Totem, divulges what must be nearly every significant detail of his journey from the basement of his parents' Massachusetts home, where as an 8-year-old he taught himself flips using old couch cushions; to the U.S. Olympic Training Center in Colorado Springs, where the author's insane quest for perfection exposed his insecurities and triggered his self-loathing; and finally to a seemingly never-ending series of addict escapades throughout his college and post-college years that somehow did not even climax after he was twice declared clinically dead. Putignano's homosexuality plays a crucial role in his story, and it is the one topic here he handles delicately. Elsewhere, his prose is unfiltered: graphic and intimate. Prone to hyperbole to the point of distraction, Putignano nevertheless writes so vividly about his highs that readers practically experience them with him. Similarly, his lows drop them into the private circles of hell on earth he created. A more powerful anti-drug missive would be tough to find. (Sept.)LIBRARY JOURNAL (July 22, 2013) Dale Farris, Groves, TX-Former star acrobatic contortionist and gymnast of the Cirque du Soleil's "Totem," performer in Twyla Tharp's musical The Times They Are A'changin, and guest on Dr. Sanjay Gupta's CNN show Human Factor, Putignano, shares his heartfelt, emotionally wrenching story of addiction to heroin. Putignano's memoir takes readers on an unsettling journey from his experience in the U.S. Olympic Training Center to homeless shelters to shooting heroin on the job, and even being declared dead. His vivid, brutally honest story begins with his realizing at an early age his innate talent for gymnastics, followed by his obsession with becoming an Olympic gymnastic champion, how he abandoned his Olympic hopes to chase his love of heroin, and ultimately how he managed to overcome his addiction and move into long-term recovery and stability. The narrative is replete with colorful descriptions of his many harrowing experiences, and deep musings that have formed the foundation for his commitment to remain free of drugs and a shining light for others who may be seeking guidance. VERDICT Putignano's honest memoir of drug abuse is a valuable addition to substance-abuse literature. His status as a successful gymnast and performer helps connect readers, and his impressive, erudite style results in a highly credible addition to this rapidly saturating genre.
"The actor will do, in public, what is considered impossible. " When the renowned Polish director Jerzy Grotowski began his 1967 American workshop with these words, his students were stunned. But within four weeks they themselves had experienced the "impossible. " In An Acrobat of the Heart, teacher-director-playwright Stephen Wangh reveals how Jerzy Grotowski's physical exercises can open a pathway to the actor's inner creativity. Drawing on Grotowski's insights and on the work of Stanislavski, Uta Hagen, and others, Wangh bridges the gap between rigorous physical training and practical scene and character technique. Wangh's students give candid descriptions of their struggles and breakthroughs, demonstrating how to transform these remarkable lessons into a personal journey of artistic growth. Courageous and compelling, An Acrobat of the Heartis an invaluable resource for actors, directors, and teachers alike.
So, you want to be an actor . . . but you have no idea how to get started. In the pages of Act Now!, you'll find a step-by-step process to show you not only how to get started, but also how to become a working actor. It will take time and commitment, but if you follow these steps you will find success. Author and acting teacher Peter Jazwinski explains every aspect of becoming an actor from start to finish. You'll learn about: * Improving Your Acting Skills * How Actors Get Cast * Finding Auditions on Your Own * Working with an Agent or Manager--and What the Difference Is * The Importance of Networking * And More! A frank and encouraging game plan for success,Act Now!will empower those who have the drive to stop dreaming and start making a living--as an actor.
Acting in Real Time by renowned Dutch director and acting teacher Paul Binnerts describes his method for Real-Time Theater, which authorizes actors to actively determine how a story is told---they are no longer mere vehicles for delivering the playwright's message or the director's interpretations of the text. This level of involvement allows actors to deepen their grasp of the material and amplify their stage presence, resulting in more engaged and nuanced performances. The method offers a postmodern challenge to Stanislavski and Brecht, whose theories of stage realism dominated the twentieth century. In providing a new way to consider the actor's presence on stage, Binnerts advocates breaking down the "fourth wall" that separates audiences and actors and has been a central tenet of acting theories associated with realism. In real-time theater, actors forgo attempts to become characters and instead understand their function to be storytellers who are fully present on stage and may engage the audience and their fellow actors directly. Paul Binnerts analyzes the ascendance of realism as the dominant theater and acting convention and how its methods can hinder the creation of a more original, imaginative theater. His description of the techniques of real-time theater is illuminated by practical examples from his long experience in the stage. The book then offers innovative exercises that provide training in the real-time technique, including physical exercises that help the actor become truly present in performance. Acting in Real Time also includes a broad overview of the history of acting and realism's relationship to the history of theater architecture, offering real-time theater as an alternative. The book will appeal to actors and acting students, directors, stage designers, costume designers, lighting designers, theater historians, and dramaturgs.
James Naremore focuses on the work of film acting, showing what players contribute to movies. Ranging from the earliest short subjects of Charles Chaplin to the contemporary features of Robert DeNiro, he develops a useful means of analyzing performance in the age of mechanical reproduction.
Expanding beyond the conventional western concept of theater, the reference explores current and historical rituals, festivals, and performances from countries and cultures around the world; contributions of women to acting and the performing arts; and cinema and the film industry. The cross-referencing is extensive, and entry-specific references augment the general bibliography.
Used to teach beginning acting on more campuses than any other text, Acting One contains twenty-eight lessons based on experiential exercises. The text covers basic skills such as talking, listening, tactical interplay, physicalizing, building scenes, and making good choices.
Demonstrating how offstage performance can be effectively adapted for the theatre, as well as how onstage training can be applied toward leading a full life outside the theatre. ACTING: ONSTAGE AND OFF is a humorous yet informative book that discusses the interplay between life on and off the stage.
Fifty of America's most influential acting teachers (including directors and actors who also teach) explain their philosophy and techniques. Each teacher interview is immediately followed by another with a former or current student describing his or her impact.
Acting the Song offers a contemporary, integrated approach to singing in musicals that results in better-trained, smarter performers who can use song to add drama and dimension to their roles. Directors, teachers of musical theater, and students--including actors, singers, or dancers--will find time-tested advice, exercises and worksheets for all skill levels. This book guides readers through musical theater elements, classroom workshops, and the world of professional auditions and performances. Chapters cover vocal and physical warm-ups, body movement, finding subtext, creating a character, song structure, interpreting text of music and lyrics, risks and spontaneity, memorization, collaboration, keeping a performance fresh, and much more. Both teachers and students will appreciate the sections for beginning, intermediate, and advanced performers. Everyone involved in musical theater, from new students to working professionals, will benefit from this rich resource.
Action! is a family saga in which five decades of Hollywood history are embodied in the lives of three generations of a movie dynasty, with each generation reflecting the changing values of the motion-picture industry. AJ Jastrow, the producer at the center of this story, seeks to build a movie empire and thus fulfill his father's legacy. Along the way he battles manipulative executives, power-crazed directors, drug-addicted actors, duplicitous agents, the FBI, and his own mother, Hollywood's wealthiest woman. Interwoven into the fiction are some of Hollywood's most colorful historical characters: Bing Crosby, Adolph Zukor, Steve McQueen, Romy Schneider, Ray Stark, Mike Todd, Julia Phillips, and a who's who of today's players. This book entertains on a number of levels, as a page-turning family drama, as an inside account of Hollywood's progress "or drift" from the end of World War II to the present, and as an intimate chronicle of how movies are really made. Author Robert Cort is the man to know what really goes on with movie producers in the ardently crazy business of movie making. In the world of Hollywood, Robert Cort is a "made man," the producer of fifty-two films, which have grossed more than $2 billion at the box office. His working knowledge of the studio system and his personal experience with the men and women who run it have enabled him to break the mold of the Hollywood novel by writing an inside story that is critical, compassionate, and real.
The Action Heroine's Handbook: How to Win a Catfight, Drink Someone Under the Table, Choke a Man with Your Bare Thighs, and Dozens of Other TV and Movie Skillsby Joe Borgenicht Jennifer Worick
Get Some Action! For every woman who wants to be as tough as Lara Croft, as nimble as the Bionic Woman, and as babe-a-licious as Charlie's Angels, The Action Heroine's Handbook shows you the essential skills you'll need to conquer the bad guys and save the day without breaking a sweat. Find out how the real action heroines do it, directly from a host of experts, including stuntwomen, jujitsu instructors, helicopter pilots, detectives, forensic psychologists, survivalists, primatologists, and many others. Learn to: * Profile a serial killer * Outwit a band of home intruders * Navigate white water rapids * Go undercover as a beauty queen * Outrun a fireball, and dozens of other Tough Chick Skills, Beauty Skills, Brain Skills, Brawn Skills, and Escape Skills. Special sections and appendices feature the top action heroine hairdos, handbag essentials, and the best footwear for every action situation. With step-by-step instructions and easy-to-follow illustrations, The Action Heroine's Handbook will prepare you to save the world, one baddie at a time.
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