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In this hilarious and ultimately moving memoir, comedians and real-life married couple Annabelle Gurwitch and Jeff Kahn prove that in marriage, all you need is love-and a healthy dose of complaining, codependence, and pinot noir. After thirteen years of being married, Annabelle and Jeff have found "We're just not that into us. " Instead of giving up, they've held their relationship together by ignoring conventional wisdom and fostering a lack of intimacy, by using parenting as a competitive sport, and by dropping out of couples therapy. The he-said/she-said chronicle of their intense but loving marriage includes an unsentimental account of the medical odyssey that their family embarked upon after their infant son was diagnosed with VACTERL, a very rare series of birth defects. Annabelle and Jeff's unforgivingly raw, uproariously funny story is sure to strike both laughter and terror in the hearts of all couples (not to mention every single man or woman who is contemplating the connubial state). Serving up equal parts sincerity and cynicism, You Say Tomato, I Say Shut Up is a laugh-out-loud must-read for everyone who has come to realize that being "in love" can only get you so far. On Cohabitation He says: "Within days of Annabelle's arrival, I became very aware that she demanded solitude and had the housekeeping habits of a feral animal. " She says: "The guy had some sort of nudity radar. When I would take my clothes off for even a second, Jeff would be in front of me cheering as if he'd scored box seats at Fenway Park. " On Sex He says: "I want to have sex every day, but Annabelle only wants to do it once a week. So we compromise: we have sex once a week. " She says: "Jeff says talking about money before you have sex is a turnoff, but it's only a turnoff if you're talking about not having money. Talking about money before you have sex when you have money is actually a turn-on. " On Pregnancy He says: "For God's sake, all I wanted to do was have sex without a condom for a little while; now we were moments from bringing a new life into the world!" She says: "My ass was expanding so fast it was like a Starbucks franchise. On every corner of my ass there was a new branch of ass opening up. "
Thirteen-year-old Sarah Morrow doesn't think much of the fact that her mother winced a little when she hugged her. In fact, that first small indication of something wrong escapes the whole family. Three weeks later though there can be no escape. Sarah's mother has been diagnosed with incurable cancer and the love this family shares becomes a desperate clinging. But Sarah's mother has a gift. A gift for reaffirming life. And even as she leaves that gift, another one, a letter, will help bring Sarah through the most painful and trying time she has ever had. One of the most honest portraits of death, courage, and, most especially, love can now be shared again with a new generation of children. "Hermes, author of this . . . uncompromisingly candid story makes the reader aware of life's priceless moments and the need for courage. " -Publishers Weekly "A vivid, painful believability. " -The Bulletin of the Center for Children's Books "A sensitive, touching account. " -Instructor Magazine "This book is by far the best liked book in my reading class. We have read this book in my fifth grade class for the last eight years. The book gives us an opportunity to discuss many issues confronted by young kids while growing up. It also provides an opportunity to discuss death and the loss of a loved one. The students and I have had many heart wrenching talks while reading this book. Many tears have been shed by my students while reading and discussing this book. This is my all time favorite book to read in class. " -Online review
Being undead sucks. Literally. Just ask C. Thomas Flood. Waking up after a fantastic night unlike anything he's ever experienced, he discovers that his girlfriend, Jody, is a vampire. And surprise! Now he's one, too. For some couples, the whole biting-and-blood thing would have been a deal breaker. But Tommy and Jody are in love, and they vow to work through their issues. But word has it that the vampire who initially nibbled on Jody wasn't supposed to be recruiting. Even worse, Tommy's erstwhile turkey-bowling pals are out to get him, at the urging of a blue-dyed Las Vegas call girl named (duh) Blue. And that really sucks.
A woman known only as A lives in an unnamed American city with her roommate, B, and boyfriend, C, who wants her to join him on a reality dating show called That's My Partner! A eats mostly popsicles and oranges, watches endless amounts of television, often just for the commercials-- particularly the recurring cartoon escapades of Kandy Kat, the mascot for an entirely chemical dessert--and models herself on a standard of beauty that exists only in such advertising. She fixates on the fifteen minutes of fame a local celebrity named Michael has earned after buying up a Wally's Supermarket's entire, and increasingly ample, supply of veal.Meanwhile, B is attempting to make herself a twin of A, who in turn hungers for something to give meaning to her life, something aside from C's pornography addiction. Maybe something like what's gotten into her neighbors across the street, the family who's begun "ghosting" themselves beneath white sheets and whose garage door features a strange scrawl of graffiti: he who sits next to me, may we eat as one.An intelligent and madly entertaining novel reminiscent of The Crying of Lot 49, White Noise, and City of Glass, Alexandra Kleeman's unforgettable debut is a missing-person mystery told from the point of view of the missing person; an American horror story that concerns sex and friendship, consumption and appetite, faith and transformation, real food and reality television; and, above all, a wholly singular vision of modern womanhood by a frightening, "stunning" (Conjunctions), and often very funny voice of a new generation.
Who says women shouldn't speak in public? And why can't they vote? These are questions Elizabeth Cady Stanton grew up asking herself. Her father believed that girls didn't count as much as boys, and her own husband once got so embarrassed when she spoke at a convention that he left town. Luckily Lizzie wasn't one to let society stop her from fighting for equality for everyone. And though she didn't live long enough to see women get to vote, our entire country benefited from her fight for women's rights. "Fritz?imparts not just a sense of Stanton's accomplishments but a picture of the greater society Stanton strove to change?. Highly entertaining and enlightening. " - Publishers Weekly (starred review) "This objective depiction of AStanton's? life and times?makes readers feel invested in her struggle. " - School Library Journal (starred review) "An accessible, fascinating portrait. " - The Horn Book .
Anyone can do a good deed, but some good works can only happen by an act of God. Around the world these acts are called miracles-not that even religious people expect to see one any time soon. But what would happen if millions of ordinary people walked out each morning expecting God to deliver a miracle through them to a person in need? You Were Born for This starts with the dramatic premise that everyone at all times is in need of a miracle, and that God is ready to meet those needs supernaturally through ordinary people who are willing to learn the "protocol of heaven." In the straightforward, story-driven, highly motivating style for which he is known, Wilkinson describes how anyone can be a 'Delivery Guy' from heaven in such universally significant arenas of life as finances, practical help, relationships, purpose and spiritual growth. You Were Born for This will change how you see see your world and show you what you can expect God to do through you to meet real needs. You will master seven simple tools of service, and come to say with confidence, "I want to deliver a supernatural gift from God to someone in need today-and I expect to!"
Want to change theworld? Did you know You Were Made to Makea Difference?This adaptation of OutliveYour Life for teens offers practical tips youth can take out into theircommunity to make a difference, plus real-life stories about those who havedone just that. Teens learn that God can use them to make a difference rightnow. He wants to use them today, without waiting for them to be older,stronger, richer, or even more "together." God can use their minds, theirspirits, and their hands and feet to make permanent change for His kingdom.Also included are valuable resources, interesting factsabout the needy in the world and how little it takes to make a big difference, andother interactive elements such as journaling opportunities for writingpersonal ideas and service goals. Teens will learn that their role in life is bigger thanthemselves, and that they're not too young to make a difference for God.Meets national education standards.
Stanley Klein, former editor of Exceptional Parent Magazine, brings a unique awareness about disability issues to this unusually forthright and positive book, aimed at parents of children with disabilities. Recognizing that parents are usually busy and overwhelmed, this book is composed of more than fifty short essays that can be read separately or in sequence. Parents write about diagnosis, treatment, education, and social issues, with poignancy and humor. Among the essays is the often quoted piece about "Going to Holland," which compares raising a disabled child to making a trip to an unexpected but ultimately rewarding destination.
This short story was originally published in Joe Hill's collection 20TH CENTURY GHOSTS.
Kayla McHenry's dad left, her grades dropped, and her BFF is dating the boy Kayla secretly loved for years. A boy named Ken with a disturbing resemblance to the doll of the same name stalks her. The ghosts of Kayla take her on a wild ride . . . but they MUST STOP.
The Young and the Digital: Why the Migration to Social-network Sites, Games, and Anytime, Anywhere Media Means for Our Futureby S. Craig Watkins
S. Craig Watkins skillfully draws from more than 500 surveys and 350 in-depth interviews with young people, parents, and educators to understand how a digital lifestyle is affecting the ways youth learn, play, bond, and communicate. Timely and deeply relevant, the book covers the influence of MySpace and Facebook, the growing appetite for anytime, anywhere media and fast entertainment, how online digital gates reinforce race and class divisions, and how technology is transforming America's classrooms. Watkins also debunks popular myths surrounding cyberpredators, Internet addiction, and social isolation. The result is a fascinating portrait, both celebratory and wary, about the coming of age of the first fully wired generation.
Cam Jansen and her friends meet in the park to play baseball, but when their ball gets lost, it looks like the game may be over. Cam has a picture in her head of everything she has seen, and she says "click" whenever she wants to remember something. But does she have the picture she needs to find the baseball? With short sentences, plenty of repetition, and lots of clues, beginning readers will love solving this easy-to-read mystery right along with young Cam.
Cam and her friend Eric go to a birthday party where everyone is supposed to guess the number of toy dinosaurs in a jar. Did someone cheat?
Cam Jansen and her best friend Eric have headed to the beach. But after a day of sun and fun, they can't find Cam's mother. Was she abducted by aliens? Is she in disguise? "Click," says Cam, and the hunt is on. The Cam Jansen Adventure series has been a favorite with older readers for years. With the addition of the Cam easy-to-reads, now younger readers are able to help solve mysteries meant just for them. When it's time to make the transition to more difficult books, Cam Jansen will be waiting.
Now even beginning readers can join in the fun of cracking cases with Cam Jansen, the red-headed detective with the photographic memory.
A field trip to the zoo seems like fun for Cam Jansen and her classmates- until lunchtime. Everyone else's sandwich is safely delivered, but Danny can't find his anywhere! Did the lions eat it? Only Cam and her amazing memory can crack this easy-to-read mystery.
Aunt Molly is in town. Cam Jansen and her best friend, Eric Shelton, are at the airport to greet her. They find Aunt Molly, but her favorite high heels are missing! Did she leave them in Peru, or China, or behind a trash can? Will gumshoe Cam find Aunt Molly's shoes? Cam clicks her way through this brain-twisting easy-to-read mystery.
Cam, her father, and her best friend can't pass up eating at the best pizza place in the world. But they can't leave the mall until they solve the mystery of the missing jacket. Will Cam's photographic memory be enough?
When a cat appears in their classroom one rainy day, Cam and her friend Eric figure out where it came from.
Cam's photographic memory helps a scatterbrained substitute teacher, especially when he discovers that he has misplaced his coat.
It's field trip day in Cam and Eric's class. Only where is Eric's permission slip? He had it on the bus, but now it's gone! Did someone take it? Did it blow away? After a few red herrings, Cam's click-click memory kicks in just in time for Eric to join the class on their field trip to the zoo. Perfect for new readers, these Young Cam Jansen Easy-to-Read mysteries feature easy-to-follow storylines, brief sentences, and visual clues within the illustrations, and will introduce readers to feisty Cam, whose adventures can be followed in the Cam Jansen series for transitional readers.
Cynthia Voigt crafts a novel about discovery, perspective, and the meaning of home--all through the eyes of an affable and worried little mouse. Fredle is an earnest young fellow suddenly cast out of his cozy home behind the kitchen cabinets--into the outside. It's a new world of color and texture and grass and sky. But with all that comes snakes and rain and lawnmowers and raccoons and a different sort of mouse (field mice, they're called) not entirely trustworthy. Do the dangers outweigh the thrill of discovery? Fredle's quest to get back inside soon becomes a wild adventure of predators and allies, of color and sound, of discovery and nostalgia. And, as Fredle himself will come to understand, of "freedom. " "From the Hardcover edition. "
Young Fu is bound for seven years to be an apprentice to Tang the coppersmith, and his new life in the Chinese city Chungking is both exciting and terrifying. Young Fu endures the taunts of his coworkers, and must live by his wits on the streets, where restless soldiers will shoot a man if he does not carry a load for them, and beggars steal from those who pass them by.<P><P> Yet for Young Fu, the pleasures of the bustling Chungking of the 1920s far outweigh its dangers. Little by little he learns the ways of the big city and plunges into adventure after adventure. Young Fu's eagerness to help others and his acts of courage earn him many friends, and finally, more good fortune than he ever thought possible.<P> Newbery Medal Winner
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