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The Dick Cheney Code

by Henry Beard

A bestselling, Harvard-bred humorist plans to knock out a slapdash, quick-buck parody of a wildly successful, head-spinning, clue-laden thriller in a flagrant attempt to cash in on the publishing sensation of the decade, but the tousle-haired satirist's sleazy scheme goes awry when his two heroes -- beautiful, brilliant Sandra Damsel and brawny, brainy Professor William Franklin -- stumble on an explosive and frankly preposterous centuries-old secret that plunges them into a puzzle-packed, plot-crammed, prose-swollen Washington intrigue whose flabbergasting finale will determine the outcome of the 2004 presidential election. Cryptic praise for The Dick Cheney Code "1, 1!" (highest rating) -- The Fibonacci Report "Hysterical! Lacey shirt!" -- Anagram Monthly "I laughed so hard I xxxxxx in my pants!" -- Redacter's Digest "I bend over double! I hold my sides! I tickle my ribs! I slap my thighs!" -- Mime Magazine "Three syllables, sounds like: Upper arm? Broken arm? Broken bone? Radius? Humerus? HUMOROUS!" -- Charade Magazine "Too funny for words!" (9 letters, starting with P, ending in S) -- Acrostic Review

Encyclopedia Paranoiaca

by Henry Beard Christopher Cerf

IGNORE THIS BOOK AT YOUR PERIL! Did you know that carrots cause blindness and bananas are radioactive? That too many candlelight dinners can cause cancer? And not only is bottled water a veritable petri dish of biohazards (so is tap water, by the way) but riding a bicycle might destroy your sex life? In Encyclopedia Paranoiaca, master satirists Henry Beard and Christopher Cerf have assembled an authoritative, disturbingly comprehensive, and utterly debilitating inventory of things poised to harm, maim, or kill you--all of them based on actual research about the perils of everyday life. Painstakingly alphabetized, cross-referenced, and thoroughly sourced for easy reference, this book just might save your life. (Apologies in advance if it doesn't.) Beard and Cerf cite convincing evidence that everyday things we consider healthy--eating leafy greens, flossing, washing our hands--are actually harmful, and items we thought were innocuous-- drinking straws, flip-flops, neckties, skinny jeans-- pose life-threatening dangers. Did you know that nearly ten thousand people are sent to the emergency room each year because of escalator accidents, and, despite what you've heard, farmers' markets may actually be less safe than grocery stores? And if you're crossing your legs right now, you're definitely at serious risk. Hilarious, insightful, and, at times, downright terrifying, Encyclopedia Paranoiaca brings to light a whole host of hidden threats and looming dooms that make asteroid impacts, planetary pandemics, and global warming look like a walk in the park (which is also emphatically not recommended). *** The Definitive Compendium of Things You Absolutely, Positively Must Not Eat, Drink, Wear, Take, Grow, Make, Buy, Use, Do, Permit, Believe, or Let Yourself Be Exposed to, Including an Awful Lot of Toxic, Lethal, Horrible Stuff That You Thought Was Safe, Good, or Healthy; All Sorts of Really Bad People Who Are Out to Get, Cheat, Steal from, or Otherwise Take Advantage of You; and a Whole Host of Existential Threats and Looming Dooms That Make Global Warming, Giant Meteors, and Planetary Pandemics Look Like a Walk in the Park (with Its High Risk of Skin Cancer, Broken Bones, Bee Stings, Allergic Seizures, Animal Attacks, Criminal Assaults, and Lightning Strikes)

Golf

by Henry Beard

* An ingenious mix of facts and flights of fancy: The history of golf begins in 732 AD, when a relic of St. Andrew--patron saint of Scotland and of golf--was found wearing a copper arthritis bracelet. And who could forget 1492, when Christopher Columbus discovered the birthplace of Tiger Woods. Golf is the perfect gift for the serious--and not so serious--golfer. .* Bestselling humorist: Henry Beard has authored or coauthored ten parodies, five of which are New York Times bestsellers, as well as more than two dozen other humor books, including French for Cats and The Official Politically Correct Dictionary . .* Golf is Beard's game: In a New York Times interview, Beard once said "It's the most insidious of sports because once in a while you have a day where you do extraordinarily well and you think you can do very well--and you can't. It's just a tease. Even a Zen monk would be driven crazy by golf." Beard has written seven other golf humor books, including Golfing: The Duffer's Dictionary and The Official Rules of Bad Golf ..

Latin for All Occasions: Lingua Latina Occasionibus Omnibus

by Henry Beard

Hundreds of everyday English expressions rendered into grammatically accurate, idiomatically correct classical Latin, with pronunciation guide.

Latin for Even More Occasions: Lingua Latina Multo Pluribus Occasionibus

by Henry Beard

More English expressions translated into Latin, including "Please don't squeeze the Charmin", "Erin go bragh" and "Make my day."

X-Treme Latin: Lingua Latina Extrema

by Henry Beard

Everything you'll need to say in Latin for hipsters, party animals, slackers, pop-culture junkies, the corporately downsized and generally disaffected

Showing 1 through 6 of 6 results

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