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The candid and inspiring stories in BEYOND MOTHERHOOD provide validation for women who have chosen to forgo motherhood as well as guidance for those who are making decisions about it. WOULD MOTHERHOOD SUIT YOU? If you are currently trying to decide whether or not to have a baby, don't postpone asking yourself this question. Really think about it, starting now. It's important to know as much as possible about your feelings, your conflicts, your fantasies, and your needs. Talk to your mate, talk to your friends, but most importantly, talk to yourself-and listen carefully, with an open mind, to what you have to say. How do you really feel about children? If you feel uncomfortable, is your reaction based mostly on inexperience-or are there other reasons? Do you think that some problem in your life-such as an unhappy marriage, depression, or poor selfesteem-will be solved by having a child? Remember that the only thing having a baby can solve is the longing for a baby. Think about your own childhood. What was good that you would want to repeat, and what was bad that you want to repair? Are you ready to confront your past in order to be a good parent? Is someone trying to talk you into pregnancy even though your heart is really not in it? Do you find yourself repeatedly making excuses not to have a baby, such as "we can't afford it right now"? Maybe you are trying to tell yourself something. As Jeanne Safer writes, "No carefully considered decision, responsive to your real feelings, born of honest self-examination, will be the wrong one."
In this book for general readers, Safer, a psychotherapist who has written for O: The Oprah Magazine, draws on 60 in-depth interviews with adult siblings, as well as her own experience with her estranged disabled brother, to explore the causes and consequences of sibling strife. Although she emphasizes the potential for healing and reconciliation, she also acknowledges that reconciliation is not desirable if the relationship is too toxic. She explains why siblings can't talk to each other and gives advice on dealing with siblings who sponge and managing sibling strife in a family business. The author has written several other self-help books for general readers. Annotation Â©2012 Book News, Inc. , Portland, OR (booknews. com)
Although five percent of the population loses a mother or father. . . few of us are psychologically prepared for the experience in later life. Death Benefits explores the uncharted territory each of us enters when a parent leaves us, and offers a blueprint for positive change in every aspect of our lives. Death Benefits demonstrates through powerful stories (including the author's own revelatory experience) how parent loss is the most potent catalyst for change in middle age and can actually offer us our last, best chance to become our truest, deepest selves. Safer challenges the conventional wisdom that fundamental change is only for the young; and that loss must simply be endured or overcome. Filled with moving and engaging stories of real men and women re-imagining themselves after a parent's death, it is a fresh, impassioned, and sophisticated look at self-transformation in later life.
In our culture the belief that "To err is human, to forgive divine," is so prevalent that few of us question its wisdom. But do we ever completely forgive those who have betrayed us? Aren't some actions unforgivable? Can we achieve closure and healing without forgiving? Drawing on more than two decades of work as a practicing psychotherapist, more than fifty indepth interviews, and sterling research into the concept of forgiveness in our society, Dr. Jeanne Safer challenges popular opinion with her own searching answers to these and other questions. The result is a penetrating look at what is often a lonely, and perhaps unnecessary, struggle to forgive those who have hurt us the most and an illuminating examination of how to determine whether forgiveness is, indeed, the best path to take--and why, often, it is not.
In the first book of its kind, renowned psychotherapist Jeanne Safer examines the hidden trauma of growing up with an emotionally troubled or physically disabled sibling, and helps adult "normal" siblings resolve their childhood pain. For too long the therapeutic community has focused on the parent-child relationship as the primary relationship in a child's life. In The Normal One, Dr. Safer shows that sisters and brothers are just as important as parents, and she illuminates for the first time the experience of being "the normal one. "
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