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100 Bullshit Jobs

by Stanley Bing

The scholarly discipline of Bullshit Studies has blossomed in the last several years, fertilized by a number of critical works on the subject and the growing importance of the issue across a wide range of professions. Now, best-selling author and lifelong practitioner Stanley Bing enters the field with a comprehensive look at the many attractive jobs now available to those who are serious about their bullshit and prepared to dedicate their working life to it. What, Bing inquires, do a feng shui consultant, new media executive, wine steward, department store greeter, and Vice President of the United States have in common? What, too, are the actual duties performed by a McKinsey consultant? Other than sitting around making people nervous? Could that possibly be his core function? Likewise, what does an aromatherapist actually do, per se? Sniff things and rub them on people, for big fragrant bucks? Is that all? The answer in all cases is "Yes." They all have bullshit jobs. These few, of course, are just the beginning. Across the length and breadth of this shrinking globe, skillful bullshit artists have secured pleasant, lucrative employment, and are enjoying themselves more than you are. In virtually every occupation, from Advertising to Yoga Franchising, lucky individuals who "work" in these coveted positions enjoy the best lives imaginable -- they are paid well, they rarely break a sweat, and their professions are highly respected, because nobody really knows what they do. At once funny, useful, and tolerably philosophical, this groundbreaking work takes a close look at 100 bullshit jobs -- the money they bring with them, the actual tasks and activities involved (if any), and famous and successful examples of each position, who will provide the neophyte with inspiration. Most crucially, Bing goes on to offer what others so far have not--a clear, concise strategy to help job-seekers at every level reach for that brass ring, knowing full well that it may be attached to the nose of a bull.

The Big Bing

by Stanley Bing

A corporate mole's-eye view of the society in which we all live and toil, creating one of the most entertaining, thought provoking, and just plain funny bodies of work in contemporary letters. Stanley Bing knows whereof he speaks. He has lived the last two decades working inside a gigantic multinational corporation, kicking and screaming all the way up the ladder. He has seen it all -- mergers, acquisitions, layoffs, the death of the three-martini lunch -- and has himself been painfully re-engineered a number of times. He has eaten and drunk way too much, stayed in hotels far too good for him, waited for limousines in the pouring rain, and enjoyed it all. Sort of. Most importantly, Bing has seen management at its best and worst, and has practiced both as he made the transition from an inexperienced player who hated pompous senior management to a polished strategist who kind of sees its point of view now and then. In one essential volume, here is all you need to know to master your career, your life, and when necessary, other weaker life forms.

The Big Bing : Black Holes of Time Management, Gaseous Executive Bodies, Exploding Careers, and Other Theories on the Origins of the Business Universe

by Stanley Bing

For twenty years, Stanley Bing has offered insight, wisdom, and advice. In one essential volume, here is all you need to know to master your career, your life, and, when necessary, other weaker life forms

Bingsop's Fables

by Stanley Bing Steve Brodner

For more than twenty years, Stanley Bing has peerlessly explained corporate culture and strategy with wit and insight. Now he brings us this engaging and instructive book of white-collar fables that have charmed generations of businesspeople since Greece was glorious and Rome was grand, brilliant gems of wisdom flowing from the pen of the mysterious, legendary author known throughout the ancient corporate world by a single name: Bingsop. Bingsop's Fables is animated by a cast of archetypal characters that are as iconic and representative of human nature as were the jackdaw, the dull, the snake, the hare, the lion, the horse, and all the rest of the birds and beasts that populated the stories of that other fabulist, Aesop. The Stupid Investor, the Miserable Misery Mogul, the Ill-Tempered PR Person, and the Potentially Generous CEO-each struts and frets his hour upon the stage and, in the end, presents us with a moral that rings so true it would hurt if we were not also laughing. Festooned with provocative, witty illustrations by New Yorker artist Steve Brodner, this lean, muscular edition will equally be at home on the shelves of aspiring hedge fund managers hoping to kill their elders as on the credenzas of those beleaguered executives who hear the next generation coming up fast from behind. No business library should be considered complete without it.

Crazy Bosses

by Stanley Bing

Since the latter part of the century just past, Stanley Bing has been exploring the relationship between authority and madness. In one bestselling book after another, reporting from his hot-seat as an insider in a world-renowned multinational corporation, he has tried to understand the inner workings of those who lead us and to inquire why they seem to be powered, much of the time, by demons that make them obnoxious and dangerous, even to themselves. In What Would Machiavelli Do?, Bing looked at the issue of why mean people do better than nice people, and found that in their particular form of insanity lay incredible power. In Throwing the Elephant: Zen and the Art of Managing Up, he offered a spiritual path toward managing the unruly executive beast. And in Sun Tzu Was a Sissy, he taught us how to become one of them, and wage war on the playing field that ends in a dream home in Cabo. Now he returns to his roots to offer the last word on the entity that shapes our lives and stomps through--and on--our dreams: The Crazy Boss. Students of Bing--and there are many, secreted inside tortured organizations, yearning for blunt instruments with which to fight--will note that he has walked this ground before, looking for answers. In 1992, he published the first edition of Crazy Bosses, which was fine, as far as it went. Now, some 15 years and several dozen insane bosses later, he has updated and rethought much of the work. Back in the last century, Bing was a small, trembling creature, looking up at those who made his life miserable and analyzing the mental illness that gave them their power. Today, while still trembling much of the time, he is in fact one of those people his prior work has warned us against. His own hard-won wisdom and now institutionalized dementia make this new edition completely fresh and indispensable to anyone who works for somebody else or lives with somebody else, or would like to. In short, Bing is back on his home turf in this funny, true, and essential book, peering with his keen and frosty eye at the crazy boss in all his guises: the Bully, the Paranoid, the Narcissist, the Wimp, and the self-destructive Disaster Hunter. If you loved the original, classic Crazy Bosses, you'll be thrilled to plunge back into the new, refurbished pool. If you are new to the book, strap yourself in: it's going to be a crazy ride.

The Curriculum

by Stanley Bing

The Only Business School You'll Ever NeedFrom the mind of bestselling author Stanley Bing, the ultimate corporate mentor, comes The Curriculum: Everything You Need to Know to Be a Master of Business Arts, a no-nonsense, real-world strategy for success. Sharp, practical, and amusing when it needs to be, and lavishly enhanced with charts, graphs, and other illuminating illustrations, The Curriculum is certain to occupy a place of pride on any shelf dedicated to books that explain how business works, and how that knowledge can be used to achieve power, happiness, and indefensible amounts of money. Included are key chapters on not appearing stupid (mandatory for entry-level students); fabricating a sustainable business personality; management, group dynamics, and the art of selling; self-branding and self-marketing; mastering electronic communications; and dealing with bosses and other crazy people.After contributing thousands of columns to Fortune, Esquire, and the Wall Street Journal, and writing nearly a dozen books on corporate strategy, Stanley Bing is at the top of his game, dispensing a lifetime's worth of hard-won wisdom to the next generation of masters. Enroll in The Curriculum, and his secrets will be yours--along with an attractive diploma, suitable for framing.

How to Relax Without Getting the Axe

by Stanley Bing

If business is a hamster wheel, what kind of hamster do you want to be? The one who runs all day long, huffing and puffing to keep things turning? Or the sleek and happy rodent who works in the corner office down the hall? Stanley Bing has seen the way the big furballs operate in good times and bad. Core skills taught in this book: Delegation Telling people what to do and having them do it. Absence Operating from the digital vacuum. Abuse of status It can be done. Decisiveness Even when confused. Engagement But only when necessary. Step off the wheel. Grab this book. And relax.

How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying

by Stanley Bing Shepherd Mead

From this classic tome, learn everything you need to know to land the corner office: · How to make money · How to make more money · How to choose the right company (one big enough so that nobody knows exactly what anyone else is doing) · How to cultivate the appearance of extreme busyness through strategic desk management · How to delegate responsibility (have plenty of assistants!) First published in 1952, this guide inspired the beloved Pulitzer Prize-winning musical, which returns to Broadway in 2011 in a production that stars Daniel Radcliffe and John Larroquette. Updated with a brilliant new introduction by the king of business satire, Stanley Bing, How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying is essential reading for the ambitious and the lazy alike.

Sun Tzu Was a Sissy: Conquer Your Enemies, Promote Your Friends, and Wage the Real Art of War

by Stanley Bing

A modern version of the book The Art of War. Bing's setting is not a Chinese battlefield, but today's urban life, and In Bing's world, only loved ones are entitled to the smallest sliver of loyalty--everyone else is the enemy.

Sun Tzu Was a Sissy: Conquer Your Enemies, Promote Your Friends, and Wage the Real Art of War

by Stanley Bing

We live in a vicious, highly competitive workplace environment, and things aren't getting any better. Jobs are few and far between, and people aren't any nicer now than they were when Ghengis Khan ran around in big furs killing people in unfriendly acquisitions. For thousands of years, people have been reading the writings of the deeply wise, but also extremely dead Chinese philosopher Sun Tzu, who was perhaps the first to look on the waging of war as a strategic art that could be taught to people who wished to be warlords and other kinds of senior managers. In a nutshell, Sun Tzu taught that readiness is all, that knowledge of oneself and the enemy was the foundation of strength and that those who fight best are those who are prepared and wise enough not to fight at all. Unfortunately, in the current day, this approach is pretty much horse hockey, a fact that has not been recognized by the bloated, tree-hugging Sun Tzu industry, which churns out mushy-gushy pseudo-philosophy for business school types who want to make war and keep their hands clean. Sun Tzu was a Sissy will transcend all those efforts and teach the reader how to make war, win and enjoy the plunder in the real world, where those who do not kick, gouge and grab are left behind at the table to pay the tab. Students of Bing will be taught how to plan and execute battles that hurt other people a lot, and advance their flags and those of their friends, if possible. All military strategies will be explored, from mustering, equipping, organizing, plotting, scheming, rampaging, squashing and reaping spoils. Every other book on the Art of War bows low to Sun Tzu. We're going to tell him to get lost and inform our readers how real war is currently conducted on the battlefield of life.

Throwing the Elephant

by Stanley Bing

Sit down. Breathe deep. This is the last business book you will ever need. For in these pages, Stanley Bing solves the ultimate problem of your working life: How to manage the boss. The technique is simple . . . as simple as throwing an elephant. All it takes is the proper state of mind, a step-by-step plan, and a great leap of faith. This humble guide provides all these and more. It is Zen that enables one to take an object of enormous weight and size and mold it in one's grasp like a ball of Silly Putty. For senior management, in truth, is the silliest putty of them all.This comprehensive course walks budding business bodhisattvas through basic skills needed to provide the simple elephant handling that makes everyday life possible, including but not limited to the primary task of following along after the elephant with a little broom and dustpan. Serious students will then move to intermediate steps, from Polishing the Elephant's Tusks to Hiding from the Elephant When It Has Been Drinking and Feels Quite Nasty. Beyond this level lies the land of the practiced Zen masters, culminating in the ability to leverage and then throw the now-weightless elephant--and even play catch with it at corporate retreats.If What Would Machiavelli Would Do? was the meanest business book since the Renaissance, Throwing the Elephant provides the yang to that yin. Because sometimes you've got to be selfless, compassionate, and completely empty to get the job done.Stanley Bing is a columnist for Fortune magazine and the author of What Would Machiavelli Do? and Lloyd: What Happened, a novel. By day, he works for a gigantic multinational conglomerate whose identity is one of the worst-kept secrets in business.

What Would Machiavelli Do?

by Stanley Bing

What Would Machiavelli Do?He would feast on other people's discord He wouldn't exactly seek the company of ass-kissers and bimbos, but he wouldn't reject them out of hand, eitherHe would realize that loving yourself means never having to say you're sorryHe would kill people, but only if he could feel good about himself afterwardHe would establish and maintain a psychotic level of controlHe would use other people's opinions to sell his book!

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