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Life was tragic enough before this spring started. With a distinct lack of boobage and an arse so big that birds of prey could nest within its shadows, Jess Jordan is saddled with the Goddess Flora for a best friend, a Britney Spears look-alike so gorgeous that one grain of her divine dandruff could make the blind see again. Jess knows that her soul mate is Ben Jones, a divine mixture of Leonardo diCaprio, Prince William, and Brad Pitt who oozes mystery and charisma. But the campaign to get Ben to notice her brings on a cavalcade of mortification and disaster, including, but not limited to, a minestrone soup explosion that takes place in her bra and a schoolwide viewing of a videotape that features a topless Jess referring to her breasts as "Bonnie" and "Clyde. " Meanwhile, Jess's death-obsessed Granny moves into her bedroom, along with her grandfather's remains; her hypochondriac dad, who sends her daily "horrorscopes" like "You will fall asleep with your mouth open, and a family of earwigs will move in," acts strange about Jess staying with him this summer; and her longtime friend Fred, a television violence addict and closet thumbsucker, has decided that he can't stand being around her. Jess is determined to make things right . . . but with her offbeat sense of humor and her wildly active imagination, things get complicated along the way. From the Hardcover edition.
A hilarious prequel rounds out our funny chick lit series. Jess Jordan is barely 15. Fred is her often-aggravating best guy friend; her father is a lonely bachelor; Flora is her gorgeous best friend, a constant liability; and Ben Jones is barely a twinkle in her eye. Into this innocent scene are dropped 30 or so helpless French exchange students. Jess and her mother are assigned to house Eduoard, a shy, awkward, and painfully English-deprived boy Jess's age. To counter what Jess fears is Eduoard's growing crush on her, Jess convinces her friend Fred to pose as her boyfriend, but he refuses to take their fake relationship seriously. Add a gorgeous, womanizing French student, an ill-fated camping trip in a student's backyard, and Flora just being, well, Flora, and you have all the makings of an international incident. Will Jess be able to keep the peace, or even translate the whole debacle to the confused French students? The future of England is on the line. . . .
It's never fun when a great summer comes to an end. Particularly when one argues with one's adorable, but grossly insensitive, boyfriend the night before school starts. It's such a terrible fight, Jess doesn't know --- are they broken up? Should she apologize? Too bad Jess is spending all her time in detention and can't talk to Fred to figure it out. A sadistic new English teacher has decided Jess needs an attitude adjustment, and Jess can't seem to stop making terrible mistakes. When she ends up pant-less in her own backyard, Jess is left to ask herself: Where did she go wrong? And what can be done to make it up to Fred and salvage this horrible, horrible year?
Disaster! Jess tried to hide her horror. Her mum frowned. 'What's wrong, sweetheart? It's what you've always wanted!' Jess's mum has finally capitulated and arranged a trip to see Jess's dad. But this is so the wrong moment: Jess has just got it together with Fred, and in an incredibly romantic way he has scraped money together to get them both tickets to the hottest music festival . . . ; but instead Jess is going on a road trip with her mum and her grandmother (and her grandfather, but he doesn't quite count as he is ashes in an urn). Jess is keen to keep in touch with Fred by text while she is away, but after a while he just stops responding. And her best friend Flora is now going to the exact same music festival Jess was supposed to go to! Jess can't help her paranoia about Fred working overtime. If Jess isn't careful, her worries are going to completely spoil her much-wanted visit to her dad. But when she gets there, it turns out that everybody has a surprise for each other. Needless to say, some work out better than others . . . ; In this sequel Sue Limb has surpassed herself. The writing is still fresh, funny and effervescent, but at the same time Sue has captured the difficult, prickly but above all loving relationship between a daughter and her parents.
"Not go??" cried Chloe. "Not go to the Earthquake Ball?? What about all those poor, homeless earthquake victims? Think of the music! The fights! The jealousy! The broken hearts." It's clear: Zoe and Chloe must go to the ball. But there's one problem--who's going to take them? All the guys they know are so immature they're practically fetuses. It's time for some fresh prospects, and what better way to find them than a want ad: "Strong, fit young man wanted for exciting weekend venture." Now that should produce results. Readers will find the antics of Zoe and Chloe deliciously captivating.
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