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A brave young gentlewoman dares to defy an infuriatingly arrogant earl Brave and beautiful Miss Emily Wingrave knows that it will not be easy to help her older widowed sister deal with the trustee of her late husband's estate. The trustee is none other than the willful, arrogant Earl of Meriden, and she is determined to stop him from meddling with her sister's struggling family. But as Emily engages the provocative Earl in a battle of wits and wills, she learns just how well armed he is: His surprising charm and seductive techniques will make her worry that she might very well be the one who surrenders.
The next song was slow, and the trumpet was more important than the piano. I closed my eyes. The trumpet purred and hummed, and sometimes it sang so sweetly it could have been a lullaby. I leaned my head back against the wall behind my chair. I wondered if Irma Lee knew how to do the Charleston. I didn't know anything about dancing. But if I tried it, I knew she wouldn't laugh at me.<P>I'd be her friend, just like I promised I would. I'd be her friend even if I had to climb down the walls of the asylum to go to see her.
"One of the funniest peole ever to tap tap on a PC. "PHILADELPHIA INQUIRERNot since George Bush's memorable dinner with the Japanese prime minister has the Land of the Rising Sun seen the likes of a goodwill ambassador like Dave Barry. Join him as he belts out oldies in a karaoke bar, marries a geriatric geisha girl, takes his first bath in public, bows to just about everyone, and explores culture shock in all its numerous humorous forms, including: Failing to Learn Japanese in Only Five Minutes (Or: "Very Much Good Morning, Sir!"); Humor in Japan (Take My Tofu, Please!); Sports in Japan ("Yo, Batter! Loudly Make it Fly!"), and more.
"RELENTLESSLY FUNNY . . . BARRY SHINES." --People. A self-professed computer geek who actually does Windows 95, bestselling humorist Dave Barry takes us on a hilarious hard drive via the information superhighway--and into the very heart of cyberspace, asking the provocative question: If God had wanted us to be concise, why give us so many fonts? Inside you'll find juicy bytes on How to Buy and Set Up a Computer; Step One: Get Valium Nerdstock in the Desert; Or: Bill Gates Is Elvis Software: Making Your Computer Come Alive So It Can Attack You Word Processing: How to Press an Enormous Number of Keys Without Ever Actually Writing Anything Selected Web Sites, including Cursing in Swedish, Deformed Frog Pictures, and The Toilets of Melbourne, Australia And much, much more! "VERY FUNNY ... After a day spent staring at a computer monitor, think of the book as a kind of screen saver for your brain." --New York Times Book Review
Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist, bestselling author, and Wheel of Fortune contestant Dave Barry exposes the shattering truth. Whether he's splashing with the U.S. sychronized swim team ("Picture a bunch of elegant swans swimming with a flailing sea cow") or reliving the Pilgrims' first Thanksgiving ("We've decided to obliterate your culture, but first may we try the stuffing?"), Dave Barry proves that one man can make a difference--by having the guts to answer the questions few people bother to ask: ¸ What makes people want to eat animals they would never consider petting? ¸ Where do the World's Three Most Boring People meet? ¸ Why is Colorado freezing so many human gonads? ¸ And just how does Oprah have the power to turn a 1957 Hotpoint toaster manual into a #1 bestseller?From the Trade Paperback edition.
Dave Barry reveals the shocking secrets of his biplanetary identity in a transparent attempt to get on some afternoon talk shows and sell a few extra copies of this latest collection of his funniest syndicated columns. Maybe you read a really funny Dave Barry column and really, really meant to save it, but we all know how that goes: out with the rest of the recyclables. Or maybe you didn't get around to reading the newspaper one day and wondered if you missed the most hilarious Dave Barry column of all time. Well, that's why some smart marketing person invented "best of" collections, and that's why you need Dave Barry Is from Mars and Venus. It's got Dave's coverage of the Olympics, featuring an account of his participation with the U. S. synchronized swim team: "Picture a bunch of elegant swans swimming with a flailing sea cow". Also on hand are Dave's unfortunate appearance on Wheel of Fortune, his (non)lunch with Hillary Rodham Clinton, what happened when he shot a Gymnast Barbie doll out of a potato gun, the last word on turkey rectums, and much, much more from a guy who knows where he's coming from. Dave Barry is a Pulitzer Prize-winning columnist and the best-selling author of Dave Barry in Cyberspace (Crown, 1996), Dave Barry's Guide to Guys, Dave Barry Turns 40 (Crown, 1990), and other books. He lives in Miami, Florida. First, a few words about the title. It isn't easy, coming up with book titles. A lot of the really good ones are taken. Thin Thighs in 30 Days, for example. Also The Bible. Another restriction was that the publisher wanted a title with my name in it. Over the years, most of my book titles have had my name in them (Dave Barry Turns 40, Dave Barry Turns 41, Dave Barry Develops a Nasal Polyp, etc. ) I realize this sounds egotistical, but it's not my idea. I'd be a lot happier if the book titles had a name with more appeal to the mass public, like Stephen King, or The Beatles. If it weren't for the potential legal hassles, this book would be called something like Develop Washboard Abs in One Hour with John Grisham and Madonna (As Seen on Oprah). Anyway, the first title actually considered for this book was Another Damn Dave Barry Book. I liked that one, because it was punchy, yet at the same time it said absolutely nothing. But then Crown changed its mind and decided against this title, presumably on the grounds that the word damn would offend some people, who would therefore not buy the book. Of course you could argue that this was a good reason to use the title, because people who'd be offended by the word damn would probably suffer cerebral hemorrhages if they read the book's actual contents.
Since Dave Barry writes about weird things, you might be tempted to think he has a weird brain. He does, of course, but that's not the whole explanation: A lot of the things he writes about -- exploding Pop-Tarts, for example -- are real. In fact, Dave's main job as a humor columnist -- aside from playing Stealth Fighter on his computer to avoid writing humor columns -- is to point out what is already funny in a world that is seriously bonkers.In Dave's world, amazing but true adventures occur every day, as the Pulitzer Prize-winning columnist investigates a ground-breaking anti-flatulence product recommended to him by a justice of the U.S. Supreme Court; the ecologically dangerous shellfish attacking women's undergarments; and the epidemic of snakes and woodland creatures currently appearing in people's toilets. Dave's bad song contest required him to read thousands of entries from people like you; now, people like you could have the pleasure of being badgered all the bad songs that badger Dave.Dave also participates in real-life form of investigative journalism that actually require him to leave the house: marching with the Lawn Rangers precision lawnmower drill team of Arcola, Illinois; playing lead guitar in an extremely mediocre rock band with Stephen King and other literary lights; and taking his little boat Buster from its happy berth in the Barry garage onto Miami's high seas, only to run it aground. He's even appeared in an episode of "Dave's World," the CBS television show based on his real life -- only taller -- in which he bids for an air conditioner.Dave Barry Is Not Making This Up includes longer feature pieces by Dave in which many of the featured facts happen to be accurate. Now you can read Dave Barry on UFO thrillseekers and the Elvis lovers who hang out at Graceland -- all articles that show Dave at his best and smartest. Complete with illustrations by Pulitzer Prize-winning cartoonist Jeff MacNelly, Dave Barry is Not Making This Up brings you straight into the truly twisted center of Dave's world.On Buying His Son Sneakers: The salesperson's tone of voice carried the clear implication that he was going to call the Child Abuse Hotline if I didn't care enough, as a parent, to take out a second mortgage so I could purchase sufficient sneakerage for my son.... We need Congress to pass a law requiring the sneaker industry to return to the system we had when I was growing up, under which there was only one kind of sneakers, namely U.S. Keds, which were made from Army surplus tents and which cost about $10, or roughly $1 per pound.On Being Left-Handed: According to the researchers, left-handers die sooner than right-handers because they have more accidents. I know why this is: We read books backward...This saves us a lot of time with murder mysteries, but it's a bad habit when we're reading, say, the instructions for operating a barbecue grill, and we begin with "Step 147: Ignite Gas."On The Uses Of Exploding Pop-Tarts: When we detected incoming missiles, we'd simply hold the toaster levers down via some method (possibly involving Tom and Roseanne Arnold) and within a few minutes Whoom the country would be surrounded by a protective wall of flames, and the missiles would either burn up or get knocked off course and detonate harmlessly in some place like New Jersey.On Readers' Reaction To The Bad Song Contest: Sometimes the voters were so angry that they weren't even sure of the name of the song they hated. There were votes against "These Boots Are Made for Stomping"; the Beach Boys' classic "Carolina Girls"; "I'm Nothing But a Hound Dog"; and "Ain't No Woman Like the One-Eyed Gott."From the Hardcover edition.
Pulitzer Prize-winning humorist Dave Barry is a pretty amiable guy. But lately, he's been getting a little worked up. What could make a mild-mannered man of words so hot under the collar? Well, a lot of things-like bad public art, Internet millionaires, SUVs, Regis Philbin . . . and even bigger problems, like* The slower-than-deceased-livestock left-lane drivers who apparently believe that the right lane is sacred and must never come in direct contact with tires* The parent-misery quotient of last-minute school science fair projects* Day trading and other careers that never require you to take off your bathrobe* The plague of the low-flow toilets, which is so bad that even in Miami, where you can buy drugs just by opening your front door and yelling "Hey! I want some crack," you can't even sell your first born to get a normal-flushing toiletDave Barry is not taking any of this sitting down. He's going to stand up for the rights of all Americans against ridiculously named specialty "-chino" coffees and the IRS. Just as soon as he gets the darn toilet flushed.From the Trade Paperback edition.
A Pulitzer Prize-winning humorist and columnist whose growing popularity is making him the next Buchwald has his way with the "history" of the mother country, including its founding fathers. An offbeat look at the U. S. for fans of Patrick McManus and Lewis Grizzard. Copyright © Libri GmbH. All rights reserved.
Yet another collection of Barry wit and wisdom by the Pulitzer Prize-winning humorist and the author of Dave Barry Turns 40.
If you're not already acquainted--nay, infatuated--with the works of the man who the New York Times calls "the funniest man in America," you can get cracking right now with this all-time favorite collection of Dave Barry's humor columns. Dave Barry's Bad Habits won't rot your teeth, cause your insurance premiums to go up, or make your kids go cross-eyed if they sit too close to it. It will, however, make you laugh so hard your middle actually moves (the best exercise, and possibly the only kind you'll be interested in after forty). Here, preserved for all time, are Barry's profoundest musings on such topics as how to get kids to stop smoking (eliminate tenth grade), what to do if your car is making loud noises (turn up the radio), and a solution to the battle of the sexes (let the men do housework, say, for the next six thousand years to even things up). Together they serve to expose the little insanities of everyday life and assure us that we're not completely alone in a world gone mad.
Based on the results from Dave Barry's monumental survey, Dave Barry's Book of Bad Songs is a compilation of some of the worst songs ever written, including such special categories as Teen Death Songs, Songs That People Always Get Wrong.
Dave Barry's Claw Your Way To The Top: How To Become The Head Of A Major Corporation In Roughly A Weekby Dave Barry Jerry O'Brien
Working up the corporate ladder is all well and good for most people, but you are not "most people." You are a highly motivated individual who wants to be on the fast track, and you cannot afford to fritter away valuable time working diligently and competently on the job. You need Dave Barry's surefire tips in Claw Your Way to the Top!<P> * "A good resume is more than just a piece of paper. It can mean the difference between not getting a job and not even coming close."<P> * "Can you get a job in business? Heck yes! Don't you listen to those Negative Nellies who tell you there aren't any good jobs anymore, just because the steel, automobile, shoe, clothing, railroad, and agricultural industries have all collapsed!"<P> * "I don't mean to suggest for a moment that all it takes to be a top executive is a custom-tailored European suit. You also need the correct shirt and tie."<P> * "Remember, your subordinates are not machines. They are human beings with the same dreams as you. OK, maybe not all the same dreams. Probably they don't have the one where you're naked in a vat of Yoo-Hoo with the Soviet gymnastics team."<P> * "Ask any business school professor, and he'll tell you a good memo is clear, concise, and well-organized. Now ask him what his annual salary is. It's probably less than most top executives spend in a month on shoe maintenance."
"Dave Barry is one funny human."--San Francisco ExaminerFor thousands of years, women have asked themselves: What is the deal with guys, anyway? What are they thinking? The answer, of course, is: virtually nothing. Deep down inside, guys are extremely shallow.But that has not stopped Dave Barry from writing an entire book about them. If you're a guy--or if you're attempting to share a remote control with one--you need this book, because it deals frankly and semi-thoroughly with such important guy issues as: Scratching The role of guys in world history, including the heretofore-unknown relationship between the discovery of North America and golf Why the average guy can remember who won the 1960 World Series, but not necessarily the names of all his children The Noogie Gene Why guys cannot simultaneously think and look at breasts Secret guy orgasm-delaying techniques, including the Margaret Thatcher Method Why guys prefer to believe that there is no such thing as a prostate And much, much more"Whether you're a guy--or attempting to share a bathroom with one--Barry has some wacky words of wisdom for you."--USA TodayFrom the Trade Paperback edition.
WHEN DAVE BARRY IS ON THE LOOSE, NO ONE IS SAFE!What Dave Barry did for the men's movement in his Complete Guide to Guys and for foreign relations when he did Japan he now does for . . . everything in America. The rapacious observer of Tupperware ladies and leisure concept salesmen sounds off on:Football--Football is more than just a game. It is a potential opportunity to see a live person lying on the ground with a bone sticking out of his leg, while the fans, to show their appreciation, perform "the wave."Sailing--There's nothing quite like getting out on the open sea, where you can forget about the hassles and worries of life on land, and concentrate on the hassles and worries of life on the sea, such as death by squid.Gambling--Off-Track Betting parlors are the kinds of places where you never see signs that say, "Thank You for Not Smoking." The best you can hope for is, "Thank You for Not Spitting Pieces of Your Cigar on My Neck.""The good news: he's funny as ever. The bad news: the book is only 304 pages."--Los Angeles Daily NewsFrom the Paperback edition.
Containing four of Dave Barry's works: Dave Barry's Guide To Marriage and/or Sex, Babies and Other Hazards of Sex, Stay Fit and Healthy Until You're Dead, Claw Your Way To The Top. Humorous and light hearted. People are able to identify with it as the majority of the book is Barry saying what everyone else is thinking - however others are too polite to say anything whereas he just says it! .
A brilliantly funny look at the tumultuous recent past from the Pulitzer Prize?winning humorist. Remember when everything was going to go to hell when Y2K struck? That didn?t happen. Right? But what did happen? To provide a little perspective on a really messed-up millennium (so far), the one and only Dave Barry slips into his historian?s robe (it?s plush terrycloth) and revisits the defining moments in our country?s recent history?from the Bush years to?jeez, it?s still the Bush years! As an added bonus, Barry quickly?we?re busy here?tosses in the complete history of the last millennium, covering crucial turning points such as the invention of the pizza by Leonardo da Vinci and the computer by Charles Babbage (who died in 1871 still waiting to talk to tech support). Fellow Americans, the time has come to bone up with Barry as he puts the hysterical in history.
TAKE YOUR TRAVEL TIPS FROM DAVE BARRY, A GUY WHO IS REALLY GONE! Complete with maps, histories, quaint local facts (France's National Underwear Changing Day is March 12), song lyrics, helpful hints on how to get through Customs (all insects must be spayed), and tidbits from Dave Barry's own fond vacation nightmares, DAVE BARRY'S ONLY TRAVEL GUIDE YOU'LL EVER NEED is just that. You'll find everything you need to know in this incredibly comprehensive reference, including: - Air Travel (Or: Why Birds Never Look Truly Relaxed) - Traveling as a Family (Or: No, We Are NOT There Yet) - Traveling in Europe ("Excuse me! Where is the Big Mona Lisa?") - Camping: Nature's Way of Promoting the Motel Industry
A hostage to the vagaries of a search engine, Dave Gorman has become a 21st century Dice Man throwing his fortune to the fates--the only difference is that the dice Dave rolls has 3 million faces... If someone called you a 'Googlewhack' what would you do? Would you end up playing table tennis with a nine year old boy in Boston? Would you find yourself in Los Angeles wrangling snakes, or would you go to China to be licked by a performance artist? If your name is Dave Gorman, then all of these things could be true....Fuelled by a lust for life and a desperate desire to do anything except what he is supposed to be doing (writing that novel and growing up), Dave falls under the spell of an obscure internet word game--Googlewhacking. Addicted to the game, and gripped by obsession, Dave travels three times round the world, visiting four continents and the unlikeliest cast of real life eccentrics you'll ever meet in what becomes an epic challenge, a life-changing, globe-trotting Googlewhack adventure.
Catch up on Dave Robicheaux's latest adventures.This boxed set includes the three most recent novels featuring fan favorite Detective Dave Robicheaux, The Tin Roof Blowdown, Swan Peak, and The Glass Rainbow, plus an excerpt from the next Robicheaux novel, Creole Belle (publishing July 2012). Robicheaux's creator, New York Times bestselling author James Lee Burke, is a rare winner of two Edgar Awards and in 2009 was named a Grand Master by the Mystery Writers of America.The Tin Roof BlowdownIn the waning days of summer, 2005, a storm of unfathomable force peels the face off southern Louisiana. This is the gruesome reality Iberia Parish Sheriff's Detective Dave Robicheaux discovers as he is deployed to New Orleans: Hurricane Katrina has left the commercial district and residential neighborhoods awash with bodies, as well as looters and predators of every stripe. The power grid destroyed, New Orleans is reduced to the level of a medieval society. There is no law, no order, no sanctuary for the infirm, the helpless, and the innocent. In the midst of an apocalyptic nightmare, Robicheaux must find two serial rapists, a morphine-addicted priest, and a vigilante who may be more dangerous than the criminals looting the city.Swan PeakSwan Peak finds Detective Robicheaux far from his New Iberia roots, fleeing with his wife and his old buddy Clete Purcel from the harsh, gritty landscape of post-Katrina Louisiana to a ranch in rural Montana. The serenity of the untouched wilderness is soon shattered when two college students are brutally murdered in the hills behind the ranch, and Clete and Dave are quickly ensnared in a dangerous mystery with a twisted cast of characters including a vicious oil tycoon, a sexually deviant minister, an escaped con and former country music star, and a vigilante Texas gunbull out for blood. All the while, Clete can't shake the feeling that he's being haunted by a ghost from his past: Sally Dio, the mob boss he sabotaged and killed years ago.The Glass RainbowDetective Dave Robicheaux and his partner, Clete Purcel, are on the trail of a killer responsible for the deaths of seven young women--a trail that always seems to lead back to the notorious pimp Herman Stanga, whom they both despise. But the case takes a nasty turn when Stanga turns up dead after a fierce beating by Purcel in front of numerous witnesses. Adding to Robicheaux's troubles is his daughter Alafair's romantic involvement with the scion of a once-prominent Louisiana family whom Robicheaux suspects is involved in some very shady business. To protect his daughter and clear his best friend's name, Robicheaux will need every ounce of guts, wit, and investigative chops he can muster.Creole Belle (excerpt)Creole Belle begins with Dave Robicheaux in a recovery unit in New Orleans, not quite sure what is real and what may be the effects of the painkillers he's been taking. While there, he receives a nighttime visit from a Creole girl named Tee Jolie Melton, who leaves him an iPod with the country blues song "Creole Belle" on it. Then she disappears. Obsessed with the song and the memory of Tee Jolie, Dave goes in search of her sister, Blue, who later turns up inside a block of ice floating in the Gulf. Meanwhile, an oil well blowout on the Gulf threatens the cherished environs of the bayous. In the face of public indifference to both the blowout and Blue Melton's murder, Dave and Clete must find their own way to bring those responsible to justice.
Barns are burning in Amish author, Linda Byler's, second book in the 'Lancaster Burning' series, and no one knows who's doing it or why. Can Sarah Beiler end the terror that is pulling apart her community, even as her own heart is pulled between two young men? Barns are burning in the Lancaster County's Amish community, and no one knows who's doing it or why. Sarah Beiler's barn was the first to burn and it was quickly followed by two other barn fires. The entire Amish community is on edge and wrestling with how they should respond to these seemingly random crimes. Sarah thinks Ashley, whom she's learned to know at the local farmers market, knows more about the fires than she will admit. But Sarah can't convince her to share her secrets. Should the Amish consider police protection as Sarah's cousin, Melvin, insists, or should the community continue to follow their traditional peaceful approach to violence as Sarah's father, Davey, the local minister, counsels? Then another barn burns, this one more devastating than any other, and the community again rallies around the distressed family. Even in the midst of this chaos, life must go on for Sarah and her family. But now it feels as if nothing is normal. The local Amish school board asks Sarah to take over teaching a school where the students are out of control. How will she handle obstinate Amish kids and their defensive parents? Matthew is asking if the Amish church is the right fit for him. Will Sarah follow him if he decides to leave the community? Sarah's mother can't stay out of it and keeps urging Sarah to pay more attention to Lee, the well behaved Amish man, who helps anyone in the community in need. How will Sarah respond to all of the forces that are pulling her in different directions? She is Davey's daughter, after all, raised to love and respect the long-held traditions of her people. But will the outside forces become so great that she gives up her parents' ways and decides to leave her community? Will her father agree to police protection for the vulnerable Amish farmers especially for those who are widowed-or continue to insist that God will provide?
David, Viscount Fairly, has imperiled his honor... Letty Banks is a reluctant courtesan, keeping a terrible secret that brought her, a vicar's daughter, to a life of vice. While becoming madam of Viscount Fairly's high-class brothel is an absolute financial necessity, Letty refuses to become David's mistress-though their attraction becomes harder to resist the more she learns about the man... Perhaps a fallen woman can redeem it. David is smitten not only with Letty's beauty, but also with her calm, her kindness, her quiet. David is determined to put respectability back in her grasp, even if that means uncovering the secrets Letty works so hard to keep hidden-secrets that could take her away from him forever... Award-winning New York Times and USA Today bestselling author Grace Burrowes's extraordinary writing will immerse you in a Regency world unlike any you've experienced.
The outstanding life of David L. Gregal who was blind from birth in 1938 to 2004. The Washington Post cited him as one of the outstanding person's to pass away in 2004. The church where his funeral was held, was overflowing with people who knew him. The author was a life long friend of Dave's from his earliest days.
Of all the figures in the Bible, David arguably stands out as the most perplexing and enigmatic. He was many things: a warrior who subdued Goliath and the Philistines; a king who united a nation; a poet who created beautiful, sensitive verse; a loyal servant of God who proposed the great Temple and founded the Messianic line; a schemer, deceiver, and adulterer who freely indulged his very human appetites. David Wolpe, whom Newsweek called "the most influential rabbi in America," takes a fresh look at biblical David in an attempt to find coherence in his seemingly contradictory actions and impulses. The author questions why David holds such an exalted place in history and legend, and then proceeds to unravel his complex character based on information found in the book of Samuel and later literature. What emerges is a fascinating portrait of an exceptional human being who, despite his many flaws, was truly beloved by God.
The Bible calls David "a man after God's own heart." But what does that really mean and how does that apply to us today? With his unusual warmth, clarity, and simplicity, Dr. McGee takes a look at the life of David, helping readers move beyond the exciting action stories and into the heart of what David's experiences have to teach us. Dr. McGee said, "Perhaps the most familiar Bible story to every boy and girl who has attended Sunday School is that of David and Goliath. It is a thrilling action story. But the greater thrill is the splendid spiritual truths that are applicable to our present-day lives as believers."