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Gross Jokes
by Hinkler BooksSplit your sides laughing and entertain your family and friends for hours with this collection of gross jokes! Full of comical illustrations by Glen Singleton and hundreds of hilarious jokes, Gross Jokes is not for the squeamish.
Gross as a Snot Otter (The World of Weird Animals)
by Jess KeatingAnimal Planet meets Captain Underpants in the ickiest, squickiest, most fart-filled World of Weird Animals book yet, from the creators of Pink Is for Blobfish.The creators of Pink Is for Blobfish are back, and they've brought 17 of their most revolting friends: there are slippery, slimy snot otters, gulls that projectile-vomit on command, fish that communicate via flatulence, and chipmunks that cultivate healthy forests by pooping a trail of seeds wherever they go. But there's more to these skin-crawling creatures than meets the eye, and as zoologist Jess Keating explains, sometimes it's the very things that make us gag that allow these animals to survive in the wild. The perfect combination of yuks, yucks, and eureka!'s, this latest installment in the World of Weird Animals series will inspire budding scientists and burp enthusiasts alike!
Gross!: A Baby Blues Collection (Baby Blues Collection #40)
by Rick Kirkman Jerry ScottFor more than 25 years, the MacPherson family has brought the joy, humor, and poignancy of raising three children to funny pages worldwide in the popular comic strip, Baby Blues. Gross! reveals the sticky underbelly of parenting, shining a comedic light on everything from dealing with picky eaters to too much screen time. From gargantuan messes to legendary sibling disputes, readers will love following along as the MacPhersons--Darryl, Wanda, and children Zoe, Hammie, and Wren--overcome many of life's hurdles.Gross! offers a perceptive glimpse into the lives of modern parents, complemented by witty and informative commentary from the co-creators themselves. This collection will appeal to anyone who has kids or who remembers what it was like to be one.
Groucho Marx
by Lee SiegelBorn Julius Marx in 1890, the brilliant comic actor who would later be known as Groucho was the most verbal of the famed comedy team, the Marx Brothers, his broad slapstick portrayals elevated by ingenious wordplay and double entendre. In his spirited biography of this beloved American iconoclast, Lee Siegel views the life of Groucho through the lens of his work on stage, screen, and television. The author uncovers the roots of the performer's outrageous intellectual acuity and hilarious insolence toward convention and authority in Groucho's early upbringing and Marx family dynamics. The first critical biography of Groucho Marx to approach his work analytically, this fascinating study draws unique connections between Groucho's comedy and his life, concentrating primarily on the brothers' classic films as a means of understanding and appreciating Julius the man. Unlike previous uncritical and mostly reverential biographies, Siegel's "bio-commentary" makes a distinctive contribution to the field of Groucho studies by attempting to tell the story of his life in terms of his work, and vice versa. "
Groucho and Me: The Autobiography (Classics Of Modern American Humor Ser.)
by Groucho MarxThe “Me” in the title is a comparatively unknown Marx named Julius (1895-1977), who, under the nom de plume of Groucho, enjoyed a sensational career on Broadway and in Hollywood with such comedy classics as Animal Crackers, Monkey Business, Horse Feathers, Duck Soup, A Night at the Opera, and A Day at the Races. His solo career included work as a film actor, television game show emcee, and author of The Groucho Letters, Memoirs of a Mangy Lover, and his classic autobiography, Groucho and Me.With impeccable timing, outrageous humor, irreverent wit, and a superb sense of the ridiculous, Groucho tells the saga of the Marx Brothers: the poverty of their childhood in New York’s Upper East Side; the crooked world of small-time vaudeville (where they learned to carry blackjacks); how a pretzel magnate and the graceless dancer of his dreams led to the Marx Brothers’ first Broadway hit, I’ll Say She Is!, how the stock market crash in 1929 proved a godsend for Groucho (even though he lost nearly a quarter of a million dollars); the adventures of the Marx Brothers in Hollywood, the making of their hilarious films, and Groucho’s triumphant television series, You Bet Your Life!. Here is the life and lunatic times of the great eccentric genius, Groucho, a.k.a. Julius Henry Marx.“The book is never less than readable and its glimpses of American show business at its least glamorous are simple, true and sometimes rather touching.”—Times Literary Supplement“My advice is to ration yourself to a chapter a night—it’s that delectable.”—Chicago Sunday Tribune
Groundhug Day (Hyperion Picture Book (eBook))
by Anne Marie PaceMoose is having a Valentine's Day party, and all his friends are so excited! Everyone except Groundhog, that is. If Groundhog sees his shadow outside, he'll hide in his hole for six more weeks and miss the party! Determined to help their friend join them, Moose, Squirrel, Bunny, and Porcupine put their heads together and come up with a plan. But will it be enough to get Groundhog out to play? This heartwarming picturebook by the author of Vampirina Ballerina, with adorable illustrations by Christopher Denise, is sure to be a hit, whether readers are bursting for spring or snuggling up for six more weeks of winter.
Groundhug Day: An eBook with Audio
by Anne Marie PaceMoose is having a Valentine's Day party, and all his friends are so excited! Everyone except Groundhog, that is. If Groundhog sees his shadow outside, he'll hide in his hole for six more weeks and miss the party! Determined to help their friend join them, Moose, Squirrel, Bunny, and Porcupine put their heads together and come up with a plan. But will it be enough to get Groundhog out to play? This heartwarming picturebook by the author of Vampirina Ballerina, with adorable illustrations by Christopher Denise, is sure to be a hit, whether readers are bursting for spring or snuggling up for six more weeks of winter.
Grover's Own Alphabet (Little Golden Book)
by Golden BooksGrover presents the alphabet in a Sesame Street Little Golden Book!Girls and boys ages 1 to 3 will giggle uncontrollably as Grover presents the alphabet in this Sesame Street Little Golden Book by BECOMING every letter from A to Z! As Grover twists and turns his furry blue self into 26 letters, little ones may even be inspired to try some of them.
Grow Up
by Ben BrooksYouTube suicides, possible pregnancies, drug comedowns, and getting straight As -- meet Jasper: a seventeen-year-old with his hands full. Weekdays are packed with visits to the psychologist, mounting parental pressure to achieve in school, scouring the Internet for porn, and trying to figure out whether his stepfather murdered his ex-wife. Weekends are focused on finding the next party, the best drugs, and sex -- preferably with Georgia Treely -- but really with anyone he can get. Brilliantly encapsulating the nihilistic and disaffected voice of a generation, Grow Up is a frank portrayal of one dark, funny, and twisted teen searching for his place in the world.
Grow Up, AntMan!
by Brandon T. SniderAnt-Man is a very mischievous Super Hero. So it's up to Cassie to tell her dad to GROW UP! Watch as Ant-Man shows you just how big he can grow. Can Ant-Man grow bigger than the Hulk? Can Ant-Man grow bigger than the Avengers Tower? But what happens when Ant-Man grows TOO BIG?! Told using playful repetition, this story will have parents and children alike saying "Grow Up, Ant-Man!"
Grow the F*ck Up: How to be an adult and get treated like one (A No F*cks Given Guide #1)
by Sarah Knight'It's a breeze to read and you won't feel so alone at the end of it' Marie Claire It's never too late to grow the f*ck up. And New York Times bestselling author Sarah Knight is here to help! With her no-bullsh*t bible for the modern adult, you'll become more self-aware, self-sufficient and resourceful - and turn grown-up responsibilities into exciting opportunities for making your life easier and more fun. You'll learn:- How to anticipate consequences and orchestrate outcomes- Four keys to effective communication- Strategies for slaying self-care- The perks of being independent and dependableAnd much more!Packed with practical advice and pro-dult tips for everything from balancing your budget to impressing your in-laws, Grow the F*ck Up is the perfect guide for anyone - at any age - who wants to be an adult and get treated like one.SARAH KNIGHT's No F*cks Given Guides have sold over 3 million copies and her TEDx talk has been viewed 10 million times.
Grow, Candace, Grow
by Candace Cameron BureHow did you learn patience as a child? In the story, little Candace decides to give her classroom garden a little help so it can quickly grow the flowers of her dreams . . . but soon discovers patience is the best plan after all. New York Times bestselling author and actress Candace Cameron Bure (Netflix&’s Fuller House) celebrates spring with Grow, Candace, Grow, the second book in her popular picture book series. Kids will enjoy reading about Candace&’s silly shenanigans, with her friends and hamster, Harry. Each page showcases bright illustrations featuring signs of spring with blossoms, butterflies and an occasional muddy puddle. Great for readers, ages 4-8Perfect gift for birthdays, Easter or any springtime storytimesTeaches young children about patience, self-awareness and productivity
Growing Girls: The Mother of All Adventures
by Jeanne Marie LaskasAward-winning author Jeanne Marie Laskas has charmed and delighted readers with her heartwarming and hilarious tales of life on Sweetwater Farm. Now she offers her most personal and most deeply felt memoir yet as she embarks on her greatest, most terrifying, most rewarding endeavor of all…. A good mother, writes Jeanne Marie Laskas in her latest report from Sweetwater Farm, would have bought a house in the suburbs with a cul-de-sac for her kids to ride bikes around instead of a ramshackle house in the middle of nowhere with a rooster. With the wryly observed self-doubt all mothers and mothers-to-be will instantly recognize, Laskas offers a poignant and laugh-out-loud-funny meditation on that greatest–and most impossible–of all life’s journeys: motherhood. What is it, she muses, that’s so exhausting about being a mom? You’d think raising two little girls would be a breeze compared to dealing with the barely controlled anarchy of “attack” roosters, feuding neighbors, and a scheme to turn sheep into lawn mowers on the fifty-acre farm she runs with her bemused husband Alex. But, as any mother knows, you’d be wrong. From struggling with the issues of race and identity as she raises two children adopted from China to taking her daughters to the mall for their first manicures, Jeanne Marie captures those magic moments that make motherhood the most important and rewarding job in the world–even if it’s never been done right. For, as she concludes in one of her three a. m. worry sessions, feeling like a bad mother is the only way to know you’re doing your job. Whether confronting Sasha’s language delay, reflecting on Anna’s devotion to a creepy backwards-running chicken, feeling outclassed by the fabulous homeroom moms, or describing the rich, secret language each family shares, these candid observations from the front lines of parenthood are filled with love and laughter–and radiant with the tough, tender, and timeless wisdom only raising kids can teach us. From the Hardcover edition.
Growing Home
by Beth FerryAn unlikely team of talkative plants, a curious spider, and a grumpy goldfish use their newfound magical abilities to defend their family from a greedy human in this charming middle grade novel from New York Times bestselling author Beth Ferry, with illustrations from the award-winning Fan brothers. Ivy is the beloved houseplant of young Jillian Tupper of Number 3 Ramshorn Drive, much to the constant dismay of Toasty the goldfish, who is technically the family pet—swimming in his special place of honor, the antique octagonal fish tank—and should be the most loved. It seems that’s how the cookie (or cheese puffs, in Toasty’s case) crumbles in the curious Tupper household, but soon a sequence of thrilling and magical events challenges that way of life forever. First, there’s the arrival of Arthur, a knowledgeable spider with a broken leg and a curious mind, hidden in an old typewriter. Then Jillian throws everyone for a loop when she brings home dear, sweet Ollie, a school houseplant who just wants to be friends and sing. When Toasty splashes the plants with his tank water out of frustration, the friends learn that they can do magical things—like lift heavy objects and turn things invisible! It turns out Toasty’s fishtank isn’t just for fish; it was made by a curious inventor who gave it special powers that, in the wrong hands, could disrupt everything forever. And a curious man with purple shoes just so happens to want that tank at any cost. Can Ivy, Toasty, Arthur, and Ollie grow to be friends in time to work together to save their beloved Tupper family from utter ruin?
Growing Old Disgracefully: How to upset and perplex your children with increasingly erratic and unreasonable behaviour
by Rohan CandappaDoes your mother think it's really charming to talk to every rose bush on the street? Has your father taken up obsessive fundraising for a donkey sanctuary on retirement? Does he collect elastic bands because 'you never know when you'll need one'? Do your parents make jokes about sheltered housing? Have they guessed that you've already sent off for the brochures? Do they seem to be having too much fun for a couple with two fake hips, a pacemaker and three steel pins between them? Then you need Rohan Candappa. The man who bought you The Little Book of Stress, The Little Book of Wrong Shui and The Autobiography of a One Year Old has hit the nail on the head once more. Full of wit and wisdom, Rohan will give you a much needed laugh in the face of your parents' increasingly barmy behaviour. Just one thing, you'll probably find your parents have bought it too. And they'll probably think its really funny.
Growing Old Doesn't Mean Growing Up: Hilarious Life Advice for the Young at Heart
by Clive Whichelow Ian Baker Mike HaskinsSee the funny side of ageing with this collection of amusing observations, silly suggestions and humorous illustrations – the perfect gift for any birthday girl or boy with more than a few candles on their cakeSo you’re a little bit older. So what? Just because you’re getting on a bit doesn’t mean you have to start acting ancient. The universe is over 13 billion years old, and you’re probably nowhere near that yet – well, not quite anyway.Frankly, it’s never too early to start enjoying your second childhood, to stop taking life so seriously and to start acting a bit silly again. This book will be your go-to guide for inspiration and merriment while clocking up birthdays like they’re going out of fashion.Across these pages, you’ll find all kinds of wild recommendations and questionable advice, including:Things it’s never too late to doGrown-up and less grown-up ways to behave at workHow to keep up with modern technologyWays you can blend in with younger peopleThings you can have tantrums about as you get olderSo forget the creaking joints or fleeing follicles and embrace the opportunities for mischief and mirth – after all, growing old doesn’t mean growing up!
Growing Up (Virago Modern Classics #369)
by Angela ThirkellBarsetshire in the war years. Growing Up is the story of ladies, gentlemen, and their irrepressible children keeping the war at bay in their country town. Trying to do their part as the Second World War ravages Europe, Sir Harry and Lady Waring open their estate to convalescing soldiers - bringing romance, drama, and subtle life lessons to the Warings' young niece and her friends.
Growing Up Beth
by Beth Ann YorkMeet 9-year-old Beth, a no-nonsense truth-teller with five brothers and laugh-out-loud childhood stories. Debut author Beth York draws on her childhood to tell relatable short stories full of love, family, and laughter. An illustrated, fast-paced chapter-book that 6-9-year-olds will enjoy!9-year-old Beth marches to her own beat and her family falls right in, from her stern-but-loving mother to her take-no-nonsense stepfather, Bob, to her five boisterious brothers!Through fast-paced, episodic, and illustrated chapters, young readers will be pulled along with Beth's large family through Beth's everyday life full of love, family, and lots of laughter.A new and welcomed chapter book heroine to sit alongside Sara Pennypacker's Clementine and Debbi Michiko Florence's Jasmine Toguchi!
Grown Ups
by Marie Aubert"The perfect summer read." --British Vogue A whip-smart novel about modern motherhood and sibling rivalry, from one of Norway's rising stars--perfect for fans of Emma Straub and the films of Greta Gerwig!Exhilarating, funny, and unexpectedly devastating, Grown Ups is for anyone who has ever felt the fear of being overtaken by a sibling, who feels almost--but not quite--grown up, and who's struggled to navigate a new future for themselves. Ida is a forty-year-old architect, single and starting to panic. She's navigating Tinder and contemplating freezing her eggs, terrified that time has passed her by, silently, without her ever realizing it, which feels even more poignant and common in our COVID era. All she sees are other people's children, everywhere. Now stuck in the idyllic Norwegian countryside for a gathering to mark her mother's sixty-fifth birthday, Ida is regressing. She's fighting with her younger sister, Marthe, and flirting with her sister's husband. But when some supposedly wonderful news from Marthe heightens tensions further, Ida is forced to mark out new milestones of her own.
Grown-ups Never Do That
by Benjamin Chaud Davide CaliForgetting to do chores? Running late? Burping? No adult would ever behave so poorly! At least, that's what you might think. But by the end of this outrageous, laugh-out-loud picture book from celebrated author-illustrator team Davide Cali and Benjamin Chaud, you'll know better. Unbelievable as it may seem, sometimes even grown-ups misbehave! The duo behind Junior Library Guild selection I Didn't Do My Homework Because . . . and A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to School . . . are back with another relatable, rollicking tale, this time showcasing the humor—and the humanity—of the most important people in kids' lives.
Grown-ups Never Do That
by Benjamin Chaud Davide CaliA picture book reminding us that everyone is human and makes mistakes . . . even grown-ups: &“Hilarious.&” —Kirkus Reviews (starred review) Whether it&’s forgetting to do chores, running late, or burping, no adult would ever behave so poorly—at least, that&’s what you might think. By the end of this outrageous, laugh-out-loud picture book, you&’ll know better . . . From the duo behind Junior Library Guild selection I Didn&’t Do My Homework Because and A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to School, this relatable and rollicking tale will have kids (and the adults who read with them) in stitches—and remind them that it&’s okay not to be perfect all the time . . . and that manners exist for a reason. &“Illustrated with irony-laden wit . . . Delightfully droll text.&” —Kirkus Reviews (starred review) &“A fun, simple, and goofy read for both adults and kids.&” —School Library Journal &“Comically elegant, jewel-toned vignettes by Chaud, which detail an entire page of adult klutzes, a cheating chess player, and an amusing four-panel sequence of a father staring at his phone from breakfast to bedtime, hit the mark every time.&” —Publishers Weekly
Gruel and Unusual Punishment (An Amish Bed and Breakfast Mystery with Recipes – PennDutch Mysteries #10)
by Tamar MyersAn Amish Bed and Breakfast Mystery with Recipes – PennDutch Mysteries #10 Pennsylvania Dutch Inn owner Magdalena Yoder is back in the tenth book in the mouthwatering series... Conman Clarence Webber career has been long and very lucrative—until he landed himself in Hernia’s jail, and is promptly poisoned. Since Magdalena’s PennDutch Inn provides all of the meals for Hernia’s tiny jail, all eyes are on her. She retraces Webber’s criminal path through Pennsylvania—and even Maryland!—she soon discovers that he left a long list of victims, all with good reason to try to do the conman in!! With the reputation of her beloved PennDutch Inn on the line, Magdalena puts on her investigator bonnet to learn who in Hernia poisoned the gruel… “Bubbling over with mirth and mystery.” –Dorothy Cannell b>“A delicious treat.” –Carolyn G. Hart “Charming and delightful...Tamar Myers [keeps] it fresh and original.” -- Midwest Book Review
Gruesome Grown-ups: Cautionary tales for lovers of squeam! Book 2 (Grizzly Tales #2)
by Jamie RixGrizzliness is out there. Every child has the makings of mischievousness, and can be lured into committing dastardly deeds. The six stories in each of the Grizzly Tales books show the rise and hard fall of vile and villainous children. In this book, parents and teachers are to blame for the murk and misery of the children's lives. Luckily, there are top tips for dealing with gruesome grown-ups - although no child is clever enough to defeat the Darkness completely ...We are completely reinventing the Grizzly Tales format for today's readers - ingenious concepts to link the separate stories, new format, design and illustrations, but still capturing Jamie Rix's legendary brilliant for creating stories that linger in the mind long after the lights go out at night!
Grumbles from the Town: Mother-Goose Voices with a Twist
by Jane Yolen Rebecca Kai DotlichFourteen Mother-Goose rhymes enjoyed by generations of children are creatively presented as "poem pairs"—with a twist!—in this playful poetry picture book. Mother Goose has a few secrets tucked in her feathers! Did you know that the shoe loved the Old Woman and her many children? And that the three blind mice weren&’t actually blind, only near-sighted? Or that Humpty Dumpty fell when skateboarding on a wall? Featuring wildly different voices and perspectives, this terrific read-aloud features with stunning illustrations and hilarious details. The book includes the original Mother Goose rhymes, endnotes that briefly describe their history, and an introduction that invites readers to imagine their own poems from unusual perspectives and "create magic."
Grump: The (Fairly) True Tale of Snow White and the Seven Dwarves
by Liesl ShurtliffFrom the New York Times bestselling author of Rump, comes the true story behind another unlikely hero: a grumpy dwarf who gets tangled up in Snow White's feud with the wicked queen.Ever since he was a dwarfling, Borlen (nicknamed "Grump") has dreamed of visiting The Surface, so when opportunity knocks, he leaves his cavern home behind. At first, life aboveground is a dream come true. Queen Elfrieda Veronika Ingrid Lenore (E.V.I.L.) is the best friend Grump always wanted, feeding him all the rubies he can eat and allowing him to rule at her side in exchange for magic and information. But as time goes on, Grump starts to suspect that Queen E.V.I.L. may not be as nice as she seems. . . . When the queen commands him to carry out a horrible task against her stepdaughter Snow White, Grump is in over his head. He's bound by magic to help the queen, but also to protect Snow White. As if that wasn't stressful enough, the queen keeps bugging him for updates through her magic mirror! He'll have to dig deep to find a way out of this pickle, and that's enough to make any dwarf Grumpy indeed."Liesl Shurtliff writes the perfect middle-grade page-turners that fourth graders can gobble down on the plane, train, and automobile trips ahead this summer. . . . [she] excels at turning familiar worlds on their heads. --The New York Times Book Review"Hilarious and heartfelt . . . Lovable Borlen's grumpy first-person narration explores themes of belonging, friendship, and doing the right thing. Sure to please fans of reimagined fairy tales." --Kirkus"A hilarious reimagining of its origin story with a wonderfully detailed world and interesting twists on classic characters. Sure to be a hit with fantasy fans looking for comedy." --Booklist"The story moves at a fast pace and deftly balances lighthearted humor with emotional weight. . . .a sure hit for Shurtliff's fans." --School Library Journal