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Grumpy Old Couples: Men are from Mars. Women have just got back from Tesco¿s
by Jenny Eclair Judith HolderFrom that first date - and how it's all downhill from thereWe all know about the jungle of 'dating'. But once you've found your 'special' friend you'll have to pretend you like their taste in music, be nice to their mother and pick up their socks, and that's only year one.By the time you get into grumpy old middle-aged land, you're firmly on farting terms and over-familiarity has bedded in. The only thing to do with the whole business is to laugh over it, which is the idea of this book.
Grumpy Old Couples: Men are from Mars. Women have just got back from Tesco¿s
by Jenny Eclair Judith HolderFrom that first date - and how it's all downhill from thereWe all know about the jungle of 'dating'. But once you've found your 'special' friend you'll have to pretend you like their taste in music, be nice to their mother and pick up their socks, and that's only year one.By the time you get into grumpy old middle-aged land, you're firmly on farting terms and over-familiarity has bedded in. The only thing to do with the whole business is to laugh over it, which is the idea of this book.
Grumpy Old Drivers: The Official Handbook
by Stuart PrebbleHow modern motoring drives Grumpies to distractionWe've said that Christmas is the worst thing; we've said that working for idiots is the worst thing; we've said that holidays are the worst thing. But driving is the worst thing of all. It brings together so many of the multitude of individual elements which combine to make Grumpy Old Men and Grumpy Old Women grumpy.It's got queuing - at petrol stations, on side roads, on A roads, on motorways, at car parks and even at the 'drive through'. Very few things make Grumpies more grumpy than queuing.It's got being ripped off - when you buy a car, when you have it serviced, when you buy anything for it, when anything goes wrong, when you put petrol in it, when you wash it, when you park it, when it gets towed away and when some arsehole you've never met bumps into it.It's got being pissed about - when you want to book it in for a service, and when you get to tax it, insure it and get the MOT for it, and again when you want to sell it. And last but not least, it's got the most essential ingredient of grumpiness. Driving is a triumph of disappointment over expectation. When we were kids we thought driving would be the ultimate freedom and all it has turned out to be is a total pain in the tushkin.And that is not even mentioning Top sodding Gear...
Grumpy Old Drivers: The Official Handbook
by Stuart PrebbleHow modern motoring drives Grumpies to distractionWe've said that Christmas is the worst thing; we've said that working for idiots is the worst thing; we've said that holidays are the worst thing. But driving is the worst thing of all. It brings together so many of the multitude of individual elements which combine to make Grumpy Old Men and Grumpy Old Women grumpy.It's got queuing - at petrol stations, on side roads, on A roads, on motorways, at car parks and even at the 'drive through'. Very few things make Grumpies more grumpy than queuing.It's got being ripped off - when you buy a car, when you have it serviced, when you buy anything for it, when anything goes wrong, when you put petrol in it, when you wash it, when you park it, when it gets towed away and when some arsehole you've never met bumps into it.It's got being pissed about - when you want to book it in for a service, and when you get to tax it, insure it and get the MOT for it, and again when you want to sell it. And last but not least, it's got the most essential ingredient of grumpiness. Driving is a triumph of disappointment over expectation. When we were kids we thought driving would be the ultimate freedom and all it has turned out to be is a total pain in the tushkin.And that is not even mentioning Top sodding Gear...
Grumpy Old Holidays: The Official Handbook
by Judith HolderWelcome on board - holidays the Grumpy way!As every Grumpy Old Man and Woman knows, holidays are another way of keeping you all house-trained. They are civilised society's reminder to you that the tedium of everyday life is actually preferable to a fortnight spent in the company of nagging partners, other people's brats, bombastic in-laws; and - worse still - people who can't speak English. As soon as you check in at the airport you are marooned in a sea of screaming babies, dull-faced reps and bland airport food. Count yourself lucky if your optimistic expectation of a good holiday is even remotely fulfilled. Don't be fooled by the glamorous air-brushed photos of American models with tippexed teeth sitting by laguna pools, cocktail in hand. There may be beautiful sunsets by the beach in the brochure, but you'll inevitably find that a) you should have booked the neighbouring hotel (and if you're lucky she'll tell you so, 'ad nauseam') b) you picked the rainy/religious holiday/mosquito/plague infestation season - and wonder why it was so cheap and c) you'll have had too much sex or food by the third or fourth day and be bored of each other, but there's no-one else to talk to, apart from monosyllabic waiting staff and the ubiquitous Russians. A holiday is supposed to be a lovely break, isn't it? This book proves that it is the stay-at-homes who have all the fun.
Grumpy Old Holidays: The Official Handbook
by Judith HolderWelcome on board - holidays the Grumpy way!As every Grumpy Old Man and Woman knows, holidays are another way of keeping you all house-trained. They are civilised society's reminder to you that the tedium of everyday life is actually preferable to a fortnight spent in the company of nagging partners, other people's brats, bombastic in-laws; and - worse still - people who can't speak English. As soon as you check in at the airport you are marooned in a sea of screaming babies, dull-faced reps and bland airport food. Count yourself lucky if your optimistic expectation of a good holiday is even remotely fulfilled. Don't be fooled by the glamorous air-brushed photos of American models with tippexed teeth sitting by laguna pools, cocktail in hand. There may be beautiful sunsets by the beach in the brochure, but you'll inevitably find that a) you should have booked the neighbouring hotel (and if you're lucky she'll tell you so, 'ad nauseam') b) you picked the rainy/religious holiday/mosquito/plague infestation season - and wonder why it was so cheap and c) you'll have had too much sex or food by the third or fourth day and be bored of each other, but there's no-one else to talk to, apart from monosyllabic waiting staff and the ubiquitous Russians. A holiday is supposed to be a lovely break, isn't it? This book proves that it is the stay-at-homes who have all the fun.
Grumpy Old Men: The Official Handbook
by Stuart PrebbleDo you know someone who is incensed by compulsory tipping? Who is infuriated if kept on hold for more than a minute? Who is positively apoplectic if someone answers their phone during dinner? If so, youve probably encountered the phenomenon of the grumpy old man. Following their first massively successful BBC1 series, this autumn will see the grumpy old men will return to our screens, and this time theyre grumpier than ever. Packed with funny and informative chapters such as Who are we, What are we grumpy about and How can you spot the signs of grumpiness coming on, this book will leave even the grumpiest of men with a grin on his face.
Grumpy Old Men: The Secret Diary
by Stuart PrebbleTo everything there is a season. A time to be born, a time to die ... and a time to have a bloody good moan. Following the huge success of Grumpy Old Men, Stuart Prebble, writer of the highly acclaimed TV series, gives us a more in-depth look at what it's really like to be a pissed-off man of a certain age. In painstaking detail, he takes us through a year in the constantly irritated life of a Grumpy Old Man, recounting the manifold vexations and absurdities he has to put up with in the perpetual torment that we call modern living. Drinks parties, holidays, hospital visits, his children's misdemeanours, buying presents for the wife, watching television, attempts to visit the gym, trips to the shops, the trials and tribulations of everyday life - each event has something to tip him over the edge. Stuart's diary proves that grumpiness is not just an occasional mood or a temporary feeling, but a way of looking at the world, and will strike a chord with all those who are proud to call themselves Grumpy Old Men.
Grumpy Old Women
by Judith HolderWe all know what it means these days to be a grumpy old man, because part of that role is to be outspoken. Well, we've heard just about enough out of the men, thank you very much! Grumpy Old Women gives us the other perspective: the female take on the million irritations of today's world. So whats the difference? Surely what is irritating to the mature members of one sex is equally annoying to the other? Not necessarily, and this is precisely what Grumpy Old Women seeks to address. Body image, visitors, children, animals, shopping, careers, parties, holidays and, yes, grumpy old men themselves all are very much on the list of what today's mature woman finds a source of concern. From the series producer and stand-up comic Judith Holder, the book incorporates material from the television series Grumpy Old Women, which features a diverse, colourful and very grumpy group of celebrities, including Janet Street Porter, Jenny Eclair, Ann Widdecombe, Germaine Greer, Kathryn Flett and Jilly Cooper. Written with wit, style and sympathy, the book is a source of both amusement and comfort to women everywhere - grumpy, old or otherwise.
Grumpy Old Workers: The Official Handbook
by Stuart Prebble'I owe, I owe, so off to work we go.' A Grumpy perspective on the daily grind.Whether we are celebrity chef or hapless waiter, engineer or oily rag, commissioning editor or TV producer, all of us have a whole daily wagon-load of s**t to deal with in the name of work. From boardroom to boredom, from 'what's the point?' to Powerpoint, from 9 to 5 to P45. And that's what this new book from uber-grump Stuart Prebble is all about; the utter everyday relentless crapulence of working for 'the man', or indeed 'the woman'. The workplace is a piece of cake for someone of his curmudgeonly quality. It's not possible in a book of this size to include ALL the grumps arising from the working day - the office politics, the shortcomings of IT, the interminable meetings and some of your colleagues' weirder habits, but he is giving it a go. Grumpy? I'll say we are ...
Grumpy Old Workers: The Official Handbook
by Stuart Prebble'I owe, I owe, so off to work we go.' A Grumpy perspective on the daily grind.Whether we are celebrity chef or hapless waiter, engineer or oily rag, commissioning editor or TV producer, all of us have a whole daily wagon-load of s**t to deal with in the name of work. From boardroom to boredom, from 'what's the point?' to Powerpoint, from 9 to 5 to P45. And that's what this new book from uber-grump Stuart Prebble is all about; the utter everyday relentless crapulence of working for 'the man', or indeed 'the woman'. The workplace is a piece of cake for someone of his curmudgeonly quality. It's not possible in a book of this size to include ALL the grumps arising from the working day - the office politics, the shortcomings of IT, the interminable meetings and some of your colleagues' weirder habits, but he is giving it a go. Grumpy? I'll say we are ...
Grumpy Unicorn Hits the Road (Grumpy Unicorn Ser.)
by Joey SpiottoGrumpy Unicorn returns in his first graphic novel! He's out in the world and ready to straight up not have a good time in this hilarious collection of comic stories.Grumpy Unicorn is bored. Really bored. And what's a Unicorn to do when the town he lives in has nothing fun to do? Hit the road in search of adventure, of course!In this laugh-out-loud original story, everyone's favorite magical grouch sets off to find something or someone that doesn't totally annoy him. And sort of succeeds. With new characters like Sassy the Sasquatch, Jack the Jackelope, and some out-of-this-world friends, this hilarious journey is a must-have for fans of Grumpy Unicorn: Why Me?
Grumpy Unicorn Saves the World: A Graphic Novel
by Joey SpiottoGrumpy Unicorn returns in this laugh-out-loud graphic novel!Grumpy Unicorn is back home after hitting the road in his first graphic novel. There's nothing that this Unicorn would love better than to just stay in, watch some TV, and veg out. But when his house is dirty, Grumpy decides to buy a cool self-cleaning robot... that due to a factory defect, is determined to conquer the world! It's up to Grumpy to save the day in this hilarious, action-packed, ridiculous adventure!
Grunt: The Curious Science of Humans at War
by Mary RoachA finalist for the Los Angeles Times Science & Technology Book Prize &‘The most entertaining writer in science&’ – The Times, Books of the Year War. Mention it and most of us think of history, of conflicts on foreign soil, of heroism and compromise, of strategy and weapons. But there&’s a whole other side to the gruesome business of the battlefield. In Grunt, the inimitable Mary Roach explores the science of keeping human beings intact, awake, sane, uninfected and uninfested in the bizarre and extreme circumstances of war. Setting about her task with infectious enthusiasm, she sniffs World War II stink bombs, tests earplugs in a simulated war zone and burns the midnight oil with the crew of a nuclear submarine. Speaking to the scientists and the soldiers, she learns about everything from life-changing medical procedures to innovations as esoteric as firing dead chickens at fighter jets. Engrossing, insightful and laugh-out-loud funny, this is an irresistible ride to the wilder shores of modern military life.
Grunthar's Revenge #2 (The Outer Space Mystery Pizza Club #2)
by Bruce HalePerfect for fans of The Alien Next Door, this second illustrated chapter book in the Outer Space Mystery Pizza Club series is an out-of-this-world adventure!With their trip to Kroon behind them, Mateo, Tina, Booker, and Jennica are back on Earth, Elvis the dog is no longer missing, and all is safe and sound...right?Wrong! Hot on their tails are Grunthar and his motley alien crew. NoWay and Clorox have made their way to Earth, too, ready to help the kids against whatever Grunthar is planning. Tina is determined to be the hero this time, but will she be able to figure out what the alien inventor is up to before it&’s too late?Author Bruce Hale and illustrator Luke Séguin-Magee have crafted another rollicking tale featuring extraordinary black-and-white illustrations throughout.
Grün und Blau trägt wessen Frau? (...hat meine Mutter immer gesagt)
by Colette KebellGiGi (alias Griselda Griswald) ist eine Frau mit einer klaren Mission: Menschen helfen, besser auszusehen, selbstbewusster und letztlich glücklicher zu werden. Die Rolle als Personal Shopper ist eine finstere Kunst, die kaum greifbare Früchte trägt. Das Business verbreitet sich per Mundpropaganda, aber ihre Kunden würden niemals zugeben, dass sie Hilfe nötig haben. Nicht einmal unter Folter. Ganz ehrlich: Wer gibt schon gerne zu, dass er Styling-Tipps bitternötig hat? Es ist wie bei Alkoholikern: Der erste Schritt ist es, zuzugeben, dass man Hilfe braucht, und zu erkennen, dass diese Leggings einem mit Mitte fünfzig nicht mehr wirklich sehr schmeichelt. Wer diese Erkenntnis gewinnt, ist schon auf dem Weg der Besserung, und da kommt GiGis Service ins Spiel, auch wenn ihre Mutter findet, ihr Job sei gar kein „richtiger“ Job. Die Leute brauchen einfach Tipps, und oft hilft eine neue Sichtweise, einen Kleiderschrank auf Vordermann zu bringen, der im Laufe der Zeit immer langweiliger geworden war. Aber würden sie es zugeben? Nie und nimmer! Also geht es nur darum, shoppen zu gehen, und den Leuten zu Kleidern und Schuhen zu verhelfen? Nicht ganz. GiGi ist knapp bei Kasse und ihre reichen und äußerst exzentrischen Kunden wissen oft selbst nicht, was sie wollen. Sie und ihr Geschäftspartner Ritchie versuchen mit Händen und Füßen, sich über Wasser zu halten, aber wie würden sie es in der Höhle der Löwen ausdrücken? GiGi ist „äußerst investierbar“. Jedoch mit dem Erfolg kommen auch neue Schwierigkeiten. Bald soll das Battersea Fashion Center direkt gegenüber ihrem Büro eröffnen, das sich als harte Konkurrenz versteht. Ein mächtiger Gegner bringt sich in Position, um sie zu verschlingen, denn GiGis Arbeitsweise wurde bereits als nicht zu unterschätzen eingestuft. Während sie neue Wege sucht, ihr Beratungsunternehmen zum Erfolg zu verhelfen, findet sie nebenbei noch die potenzielle Liebe ihres Lebens.<br
GuRu
by RuPaulFOREWORD BY JANE FONDAA timeless collection of philosophies from renaissance performer and the world’s most famous shape-shifter RuPaul, whose sage outlook has created an unprecedented career for more than thirty-five years. GuRu is packed with more than 80 beautiful photographs that illustrate the concept of building the life you want from the outside in and the inside out."You’re born naked and the rest is drag."As someone who has deconstructed life’s hilarious facade, RuPaul has broken "the fourth wall" to expand on the concept of mind, body, and spirit. This unique perspective has allowed RuPaul to break the shackles of self-imposed limitations, but reader beware, this is a daily practice that requires diligence and touchstones to keep you walking in the sunshine of the spirit. Once you’re willing to look beyond the identity that was given to you, a hidden world of possibilities will open its doors.Throughout the history of humans on this planet, there’ve always been shaman, seers, and mediums who are able to interpret both high and low frequencies and remind humans to look beyond the surface for the truth of who we really are. And who we really are is an extension of the power that created the universe (aka: God in drag). FYI: most people are not willing to hear or accept that.That is RuPaul’s secret for success, not only in show business, but in all aspects of life, especially in navigating the emotional landmines that inhibit most sweet, sensitive souls.If you think this book is just about "doing drag," you are sorely mistaken because for RuPaul, drag is merely a device to deactivate the identity-based ego and allow space for the unlimited.
Guardian Demon (Hell Bent)
by Aurora AscherOil and water. Angels and Demons. Some things shouldn&’t mix. But when a disgraced angel needs the key back to heaven, her only hope in a world where between Grumpy and Sunshine lies irresistible passion, may be a crow-shifting demon.New York Times bestselling author Aurora Ascher blends spicy demon romance, cozy fantasy, and rom-com for the latest in her wickedly funny, warm-hearted Hell Bent series – perfect for fans of Hannah Nicole Maehrer, Brynne Weaver, Jenna Levine, and Kimberly Lemming.A demon with a forgotten past . . . Raum is the quiet one who rarely smiles. He&’s felt numb since Heaven erased his memory as punishment for crimes he can&’t recall. His only relief comes from his penchant for theft and his unusual connection with animals. Until, that is, he crosses paths with a beautiful angel.An angel searching for redemption . . . A loyal servant of Heaven, Sunshine is fighting to regain her rank and redeem herself for her shameful past. Tasked with retrieving a grimoire from Hell, she binds Raum into her service with an unbreakable contract. He must help her navigate the underworld—or lose everything he holds dear. But her plan backfires when she finds herself drawn to him, like a moth to a flame.A forbidden desire . . . The rivalry between demons and angels is ancient, deep, and …obvious. Yet it can&’t extinguish their scorching attraction. But when hints of Raum&’s past finally come to light, a web of deception and betrayal is revealed that changes everything.
Guardian Groom
by Shelley CooperPROTECTORAs far as security specialists went, Steve Gallagher was the best. Driven and downright tenacious, he'd never lost a client. And he refused to let harm befall the woman who'd once been his wife.LOVERWith just a look, Kate owned his heart. She always had. But though loving this lady was as natural and necessary as breathing, Steve feared his dark past would spell disaster for her, even more than the threat dogging her now.HUSBANDGuarding Kate by day-and night-was absolute torture. Because, for Steve, their marriage had never ended. Kate was his bride. He was her groom. But to make this second chance last, first they had to survive....
Guardian Groom (Landon's Legacy #2)
by Sandra MartonDon’t miss out on a second chance to get your hands on this tempting tycoon from bestselling author Sandra Marton.The billionaire’s virgin wardWhen his late father appointed him guardian, Grant Landon expected his ward to be a child—not the sexy woman he’s just shared a spontaneous and passionate kiss with! Christa Adams is irresistible and infuriating in equal measure, so brooding bachelor Grant decides they should keep out of each other’s way.But when Christa’s home is damaged in a storm she must call on her guardian for help. Her purity and her spirit soon slip past Grant’s defences, and it’s not long before Christa finds herself at the mercy of her desire for her powerful protector… Book 2 in the Landon’s Legacy quartetOriginally published in 1995.
Guarding His Heart: A Basketball Romance (Scoring for Love)
by Synithia WilliamsA basketball star and a photographer are complete opposites but can't keep their hands off of one another in this steamy sports romance by Synthia Williams!Sizzling-hot professional basketball star Kevin Koucky plans to end his career with a bang by posing au naturel in a magazine feature. When photographer Jasmin Hook agrees to take the assignment, she never expects the risqué photo shoot to end with a sensual slam dunk. But the handsome athlete comes with children and an ex-wife—emotional baggage Jasmin can&’t handle. Little does she know that Kevin always plays to win…Don't miss out on more steamy sports romance in the Scoring for Love series: Full Court Seduction Overtime for Love Guarding His Heart His Pick for Passion
Guarding a Notorious Lady
by Olivia ParkerA Regency battle of the sexes begins between the scandalously mischievous Lady Rosalind and her dashing secret guardian . . . A woman of pristine breeding, Lady Rosalind Devine is also an unrepentant meddler and snoop—which is why her brother refuses to leave her to her own devices while on his wedding trip. But Rosalind will not make things easy for any unseen, unwanted “nursemaid”—and vows to use her considerable wiles to expose her mystery guardian.Nicholas Kincaid, the Marquess of Winterbourne, agreed to secretly guard his friend’s spoiled, stubborn sister, though her infuriating penchant for mischief is causing him to question his decision. Though he’s bound by the rules of society—and friendship—Rosalind’s spirit and sensuality have sparked a fierce desire in Nicholas to play a very different role in her life, one that entails passion, ecstasy—and unavoidable scandal . . . Praise for the author“Utterly charming.” —Julia Quinn, New York Times–bestselling author of the Bridgerton novels“Sexy, funny . . . delightfully entertaining.” —Publishers Weekly
Guards! Guards!: A Discworld Novel (City Watch #1)
by Terry Pratchett“Patchett demonstrates just how great the distance is between one- and two-joke writers and the comic masters whose work will be read into the next century.” —LocusMagic, mayhem, and a marauding dragon combine for extraordinary fun in this cheeky Discworld novel from New York Times bestselling author Terry Pratchett.Insurrection is in the air in the city of Ankh-Morpork. The Haves and Have-Nots are about to face off. Again.It’s old news to Captain Sam Vimes of the city’s ramshackle Night Watch. But this time, something is different—the Have-Nots have found the key to a dormant, lethal weapon that even they can’t fully control, and they’re about to unleash a campaign of terror on the city.Long believed extinct, a draco nobilis can now be seen patrolling the skies above Discworld's greatest city. Not only does this unwelcome visitor have a nasty habit of charbroiling everything in its path, but it’s also soon crowned King.Can Vimes, Captain Carrot, and the rest of the Ankh-Morpork City Watch restore order (before it's burned to a crisp)?The Discworld novels can be read in any order but Guards! Guards! is the 1st book in the City Watch collection and the 8th Discworld book.The City Watch collection in order:Guards! Guards!Men at ArmsFeet of ClayJingoThe Fifth ElementNight WatchThud!Snuff
Guards! Guards!: The Play (Discworld Novels #8)
by Terry PratchettTerry Pratchett's infamous city of Ankh-Morpork is under threat from a 60-foot fire-breathing dragon, summoned by a secret society of malcontented tradesmen.Defending Ank-Morpork against this threat is the entire, underpaid, undervalued City Night Watch - a drunken and world-weary Captain, a cowardly and overweight Sergeant, a small opportunistic Corporal of dubious parentage...and their newest recruit, Lance Constable Carrot, who is upright, literal, law-abiding and keen. Aiding them in their fight for truth, justice and the Ankh-Morporkian way are a small swamp dragon and the Librarian of Unseen University (who just happens to be an orang-utan).
Gucci Gucci Coo
by Sue MargolisThe acclaimed author of Original Cyn finds fertile ground for her wicked wit in this ferociously funny new novel about babies, sex, celebrity...and daring to date a gynecologist. Ruby (still single at thirty-two) Silverman has made a name for herself at Les Sprogs, her exclusive baby boutique where trust-fund mothers swaddle their infants in the hottest designer wear. But all those bumps and babes can’t prepare Ruby for the bombshell her fifty-year-old mother drops on her: Ruby’s about to get…a baby brother or sister!