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Headlines! Headlines! Headlines?: Read All About 'em . . . And Guess Which Actually Happened
by Neil Patrick StewartNew York Post absurd? Or Onion-like fiction? You decide!British woman weds dolphin! Two minor girls married off to frogs!Tennessee man marries goat!Here's the story: two of these headlines are true - and one's true bologna. Which are straight off the presses? And which one is straight out of the author's mind? It's up to you to decide!The headlines in this book are all so outlandish that it's hard to believe any one of them is true. From stories like "Teen steals bus, picks up passengers" to "World's priciest pigeon goes for $328,000," you'll need to have quite the discerning eye to recognize which are ripped from real newspapers.Filled with hundreds of outrageously authentic headlines, this book leaves you wondering, "Did they really print that?"
Headlock: A Jeff Reynolds Mystery (The Jeff Reynolds Mysteries #1)
by Burl BarerIn this riotous mystery, a Pacific Northwest PI is hired by an ex-pro wrestler whose suspicions are hard to prove—and hard to follow: &“A real winner.&” —Library Journal Jeff Reynolds—an author who became a PI to find ideas for books—is about to get some new material. He&’s having breakfast with a potential client who tells a long story involving barroom brawls, professional wrestlers, and prostitutes; reveals that this is the first time he&’s been out of the house in fifteen years; and announces that his father was murdered. What he wants is for Reynolds to find out whether they&’re still after him. Though when Reynolds asks who &“they&” are, he refuses to say since Reynolds could be one of them. From the New York Times–bestselling and Edgar Award–winning author Burl Barer, and featuring cameos by a few real-life mystery authors, this is a wildly entertaining PI tale in which it&’s hard to tell what&’s deception, what&’s delusion, and what&’s genuinely deadly—and all roads lead to McFeely&’s Tavern in Walla Walla, Washington . . . &“Clever, quirky, and often outrageous.&” —Lee Goldberg, New York Times–bestselling author of Mr. Monk Gets Even &“Undeniable talent, pizazz and imagination.&” —Jack Olsen, New York Times–bestselling author of Night Watch
Headmaster of Doom: Book 4 (Dark Lord #4)
by Jamie ThomsonDirk Lloyd, the Dark Lord trapped in the boy of a weedy schoolboy, returns in a darkly hilarious adventure set in the most ghoulish school you'll encounter this side of the Darklands ...Fourth in the brilliant series that began with the Roald Dahl Funny Prize-winning DARK LORD: THE TEENAGE YEARS, also chosen as one of the Sunday Times's 100 Modern Children Classics.Perfect for fans of Philip Reeve and David Walliams.
Heads You Lose
by Lisa Lutz David HaywardDave, I just finished the first chapter of a new novel-a real crime novel with a dead body and all-and I thought of you...<P><P> Paul and Lacey Hansen are pot-growing, twentysomething siblings sharing a modest rambler of a home in rural Northern California. When they find a headless corpse on their property they can't exactly call 911, so they simply move the body to another location. Let somebody else find it. Instead, the corpse reappears on their land. Clearly, someone is sending them a message, and it's getting riper by the day. But that's only half of the story...<P> Enter authors Lisa Lutz and David Hayward-former real-life partners (professionally and personally) who have agreed to reunite for a tag- team mystery novel written in alternating chapters. One little problem: they disagree on pretty much every detail of how their novel should unfold. While the body count rises in Paul and Lacey's wildly unpredictable fictional world, so too does the intensity of Lisa and David's rivalry. The result is a literary brawl like no other, and a murder mystery every bit as unanticipated (and bloody).
Heads in Beds: A Reckless Memoir of Hotels, Hustles, and So-Called Hospitality
by Jacob TomskyIn the tradition of Kitchen Confidential and Waiter Rant, a rollicking, eye-opening, fantastically indiscreet memoir of a life spent (and misspent) in the hotel industry. Jacob Tomsky never intended to go into the hotel business. As a new college graduate, armed only with a philosophy degree and a singular lack of career direction, he became a valet parker for a large luxury hotel in New Orleans. Yet, rising fast through the ranks, he ended up working in "hospitality" for more than a decade, doing everything from supervising the housekeeping department to manning the front desk at an upscale Manhattan hotel. He's checked you in, checked you out, separated your white panties from the white bed sheets, parked your car, tasted your room-service meals, cleaned your toilet, denied you a late checkout, given you a wake-up call, eaten M&Ms out of your minibar, laughed at your jokes, and taken your money. In Heads in Beds he pulls back the curtain to expose the crazy and compelling reality of a multi-billion-dollar industry we think we know. Heads in Beds is a funny, authentic, and irreverent chronicle of the highs and lows of hotel life, told by a keenly observant insider who's seen it all. Prepare to be amused, shocked, and amazed as he spills the unwritten code of the bellhops, the antics that go on in the valet parking garage, the housekeeping department's dirty little secrets--not to mention the shameless activities of the guests, who are rarely on their best behavior. Prepare to be moved, too, by his candor about what it's like to toil in a highly demanding service industry at the luxury level, where people expect to get what they pay for (and often a whole lot more). Employees are poorly paid and frequently abused by coworkers and guests alike, and maintaining a semblance of sanity is a daily challenge.Along his journey Tomsky also reveals the secrets of the industry, offering easy ways to get what you need from your hotel without any hassle. This book (and a timely proffered twenty-dollar bill) will help you score late checkouts and upgrades, get free stuff galore, and make that pay-per-view charge magically disappear. Thanks to him you'll know how to get the very best service from any business that makes its money from putting heads in beds. Or, at the very least, you will keep the bellmen from taking your luggage into the camera-free back office and bashing it against the wall repeatedly.
Heads, You Lose! (Goosebumps HorrorLand #15)
by R. L. StineGoosebumps now on Disney+!Jessica and her best friend, Ryan, really enjoy magic tricks. They find the perfect HorrorLand souvenir in Jonathan Chiller's gift shop--a two-headed coin with mysteriously dark powers.After an unlucky flip of the coin, Jessica and Ryan find themselves in a strange land being chased down by angry guards. HorrorLand was scary but this is much worse. Will they be able to escape with their heads still attached?
Heart Breaker: A Nashville Nights Novel (Nashville Nights #1)
by Erin MccarthyThey're perfectly in tune--but only when it comes to their music. This sizzling romance from New York Times bestselling author Erin McCarthy follows Nashville's hottest country music duo as they fight for love in a city where dreams often cost a broken heart. Self-made singer/songwriter Jolene Hart loves everything about being on top in Nashville. Well, everything except her very public breakup with Chance Rivers, her sexy masculine other half. Once the hottest duo on the scene, they turned Music City on its ear. Now their careers are as cold as their relationship. Which is why their manager has practically locked them in a remote cabin with nothing but a guitar, a bed, and time to do what they do best: make some beautiful music together. As Nashville royalty, Chance has big boots to fill--and the pressure that comes with 'em. He fell hard for Jolene, but he couldn't handle the spotlight, the crowds, and the fights that made headlines and killed any notion that love and success could go hand-in-hand. Still, Chance is more than willing to rekindle the one thing that worked: the wild passion behind their hit songs. Soon they're making up for lost time, in the steamiest ways possible. But Chance finds himself wishing for the impossible: that their intimate hideaway could last forever. Includes a special message from the editor, as well as an excerpt from another Loveswept title.
Heart Conditions (The Breakup Doctor Series #3)
by Phoebe FoxA “delightful, witty” novel about a relationship expert whose own love life is falling to pieces (Amy FitzHenry, author of Cold Feet). You’d think running a massively successful relationship counseling practice would guarantee smooth sailing in a girl’s own love life. And yet, Breakup Doctor Brook Ogden has spent the last year sifting through the fallout from the disastrous decision that led to her unconscious uncoupling with boyfriend Ben Garrett. Despite advising her clients you can’t be friends with an ex, she and Ben are becoming buddies—while Brook hopes for more. That is, until Ben introduces his new girlfriend, Perfect Pamela, a paragon of womanly virtues who is everything Brook is not. While Brook navigates her newly volatile emotional life, an unwelcome surprise shows up on her doorstep: the ex-fiancé who broke her heart two years ago. Between her ex’s desire to rekindle their attachment, her best friend Sasha’s unexpected crisis, and her own unquenchable feelings for Ben, Brook finds herself questioning the personal progress she’s made—and threatened with the highest-stakes Breakup Doctor failures she’s ever faced. “Will have you giggling out loud and shaking your head at the same time . . . Fox’s books are like a box of fine chocolates. Not to be eaten quickly but to be savored and enjoyed.” —Fresh Fiction
Heart Takes the Lead: Maybe Brain Is Not Always Right
by Scott StuartA heartwarming new picture book about being yourself from bestselling children’s book creator, Scott Stuart.Heart loves puppies, and chocolate, and roller-coasters, and dancing to music. Brain likes lists, and broccoli, and safety rails, and sensible clothing. Heart loves spontaneity and trying new things. Brain wants everything to be predictable and perfectly orderly.Most of all, Brain loves being right.Can Heart and Brain learn to see the world from one another's point a view?A beautifully written and illustrated picture book for young readers about being true to yourself, and the importance of listening to your brain and your heart.
Heart and Brain: An Awkward Yeti Collection (Heart And Brain Ser. #1)
by Nick Seluk The Awkward YetiBoasting more than two million pageviews per month, TheAwkwardYeti.com has become a webcomic staple since its creation in 2012. In addition to tons of fan favorites, Heart and Brain contains more than 75 brand new comics that have never been seen online. From paying taxes and getting up for work to dancing with kittens and starting a band, readers everywhere will relate to the ongoing struggle between Heart and Brain.
Heart and Brain: An Awkward Yeti Collection (Heart And Brain Ser. #2)
by Nick Seluk The Awkward YetiHeart and Brain return with over sixty brand-new, never-before-seen comics in this riotous collection by a New York Times–bestselling author. Vigorously demanded and highly anticipated, Heart and Brain: Gut Instincts is the follow-up to the tremendously popular New York Times bestseller, Heart and Brain: An Awkward Yeti Collection. The Awkward Yeti&’s Heart and Brain comics perfectly illustrate the ongoing, internal struggle betwixt head and heart.Heart and Brain: Gut Instincts features the same lovable characters as the first book and introduces a host of other vital organs like insatiable Tongue, irritable Bowels, and abused Stomach.Perfect for fans of Poorly Drawn Lines, Liz Climo, Randall Munroe, and The Oatmeal.
Heart and Brain: An Awkward Yeti Collection (Heart And Brain Ser. #3)
by Nick Seluk The Awkward YetiHeart and Brain: Body Language continues the adventures of the loveably conflicted sentimental Heart and rational Brain, as well as other bodily inhabitants like Gallbladder, Muscle, and Tongue. Warm-hearted and laugh-out-loud funny, these comics bring our inner struggles to vibrant, humorous life.
Heart of Barkness (A Chet & Bernie Mystery #9)
by Spencer QuinnTHE INSTANT USA TODAY BESTSELLERSpencer Quinn's Heart of Barkness is the latest in the New York Times bestselling series that the Los Angeles Times called “nothing short of masterful"…Chet the dog, “the most lovable narrator in all of crime fiction” (Boston Globe) and P.I. Bernie encounter heartache and much worse in the world of country music. They’re both music lovers, so when Lotty Pilgrim, a country singer from long ago, turns up at a local bar, they drive out to catch her act. Bernie’s surprised to see someone who was once so big performing in such a dive, and drops a C-note the Little Detective Agency can’t afford to part with into the tip jar. The C-note is stolen right from under their noses – even from under Chet’s, the nose that misses nothing – and before the night is over, it’s stolen again. Soon they’re working the most puzzling case of their career, a case that takes them back in time in search of old border-town secrets, and into present-day danger where powerful people want those secrets to stay hidden. Chet and Bernie find themselves sucked into a real-life murder ballad where there is no one to trust but each other.At the Publisher's request, this title is being sold without Digital Rights Management Software (DRM) applied.
Heart of Hope: A Small Town Romance
by Lucy ScoreWhy would a professional hockey player fly out here, seduce me, and then vanish again? I can't believe I fell for a liar. I was an idiot. A blinded-by-lust, hopeful idiot who threw myself into bed with a sexy stranger, invited him to dinner with my entire family, and then woke up alone to a note. I hope you can forgive me for lying. Ha. Like that's ever going to happen. If Beau French or Evanko or whatever the hell his name is ever shows his hot, bearded face in this town again, I'll make sure he regrets it. To be fair, I practically threw myself at his crotch. And okay, fine. Getting naked with him was the first time I'd felt anything worth feeling since losing my little sister. It's almost kinda nice to be fueled by the fires of rage instead of the numbness of grief. But I'm certainly not going to thank him for lying and then sneaking out of my bed like a thief in the midafternoon. Thankfully, I have my older sister's Christmas wedding to distract me. There's no way he'd show his face there. Besides, there's no excuse good enough to make me forgive him.
Heart of Junk: A Novel
by Luke GeddesA hilarious debut novel about an eclectic group of merchants at a Kansas antique mall who become implicated in the kidnapping of a local beauty pageant star. The city of Wichita, Kansas, is wracked with panic over the abduction of toddler pageant princess Lindy Bobo. However, the dealers at The Heart of America Antique Mall are too preoccupied by their own neurotic compulsions to take much notice. Postcards, perfume bottles, Barbies, vinyl records, kitschy neon beer signs—they collect and sell it all. Rather than focus on Lindy, this colorful cast of characters is consumed by another drama: the impending arrival of Mark and Grant from the famed antiques television show Pickin&’ Fortunes, who are planning to film an episode at The Heart of America and secretly may be the last best hope of saving the mall from bankruptcy. Yet the mall and the missing beauty queen have more to do with each other than these vendors might think, and before long, the group sets in motion a series of events that lead to surprising revelations about Lindy&’s whereabouts. As the mall becomes implicated in her disappearance, will Mark and Grant be scared away from all of the drama or will they arrive in time to save The Heart of America from going under? Equally comical and suspenseful, Heart of Junk is also a biting commentary on our current Marie Kondo era. It examines why certain objects resonate with us so deeply, rebukes Kondo&’s philosophy of wholesale purging, and argues that &“junk&” can have great value—connecting us not only to our personal pasts but to our shared human history. As author Luke Geddes writes: &“A collection was a record of a life lived, maybe not well or happily but at least with attention and passion. It was autobiography made whole.&”
Heart of Texas (Man of the Month)
by Mary Lynn Baxter"Cozying up to the enemy makes sense."-Clark Garrison, urban cowboy and ruthless capitalistClark Garrison had his reasons for returning to River Oaks and wasn't about to let anyone stand in his way-especially not Dr. Sara Wilson. Hell, she was just as beautiful and infuriating as he remembered, and clearly she still considered him the same swaggering bad boy she'd known years ago. Though he wanted to lure the lovely doctor to his bed, she was unquestionably off-limits. After all, it wouldn't be long before she discovered that the reason he was back had everything to do with her...Some men are made for lovin'-and you'll love our MAN OF THE MONTH!
Heart to Heart (I Can Read!)
by Jane O'Connor<P>Almost everything about Valentine's Day is fancy . . . especially with Fancy Nancy! <P>Mystery is in the air when Nancy receives a valentine from a secret someone. Join Nancy as she follows the clues to find out who it is--all in her trademark fabulous style, of course. Gorgeous stickers included!
Heartbeat
by Joan JohnstonNew York Times bestselling author Joan Johnston returns to Texas with a captivating story of justice, secrets, and a love that can heal all woundsDedicated Texas Ranger Jack Kittrick is hard on the trail of a killer who is preying on the helpless in a large San Antonio hospital . . . a hunt that leads him to Maggie Wainwright, the beautiful, enigmatic legal eagle who had access to the victims—and a motive for the crimes. The more Jack learns about Maggie, the more this secretive lady—who makes his spurs tangle and his heart run wild—enthralls and perplexes him.When her own son becomes the killer's target, Maggie can no longer keep silent about her painful, shadowy past. With everything she truly cares about at stake, Maggie must cast her fate to the Texas winds . . . and trust her future, and her love, to the determined lawman who has more questions for her than she has answers.
Heartbreak Boys
by Simon James Green"One of the most hilarious, heart-flippingly romantic, charmingly observant writers in the game right now." —Becky Albertalli, author of Simon vs. The Homo Sapiens AgendaA road trip rom-com about heartbreak, social media hijinks, and learning to be happy with who you are, perfect for fans of Heartstopper, Becky Albertalli and Phil Stamper.When their ex-boyfriends get together and start Instagramming a disgustingly perfect summer of love, Jack and Nate decide to concoct a mutual Insta-worthy summer adventure of their own to prove they’re just fine and everything’s great.Of course, it’s hard to have an epic summer road trip when they’re stuck in a van with Nate's mid-life crisis-bound parents and his annoying younger sister. And it’s been years since Jack and Nate have said more than a few sentences to each other. But their followers don’t have to know any of that.How hard could faking the high life be? Posting as @TheHeartBreakBoys, the duo stumbles into one hilarious situation after another—and each discover that maybe the cure for heartbreak has been the boy riding next to him all along.
Heartbreak Hotel
by Deborah MoggachBy the author of the bestselling The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel and Tulip Fever, the hilarious and romantic novel set in a crumbling bed and breakfast In her effortlessly winning novels Tulip Fever and The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, Deborah Moggach charmed readers and critics alike with her generous prose and hilarious dialogue. With Heartbreak Hotel, Moggach has triumphed once again.When retired actor Buffy decides to leave London and move to rural Wales, he has no idea what he is letting himself in for. In possession of a run-down bed and breakfast that leans more toward the shabby than the chic and is, quite literally, miles from nowhere, Buffy realizes that he needs to fill the beds--and fast. Otherwise, his vision of the pastoral countryside will go up in smoke. Enter a motley collection of guests: Harold, whose wife has run off with a younger woman; Amy, who's been unexpectedly dumped by her (not-so) nebbishy boyfriend and Andy, the hypochondriac postman whose girlfriend is much too much for him to handle. But under Buffy's watchful eye, this disparate group of strangers finds that they have more in common than perhaps they first thought. A charming romantic comedy that will captivate even the most determined urbanite, Heartbreak Hotel is a supreme entertainment.
Heartbreak Hotel: A Novel
by Deborah MoggachBy the author of the bestselling The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel and Tulip Fever, the hilarious and romantic novel set in a crumbling bed and breakfast In her effortlessly winning novels Tulip Fever and The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, Deborah Moggach charmed readers and critics alike with her generous prose and hilarious dialogue. With Heartbreak Hotel, Moggach has triumphed once again. When retired actor Buffy decides to leave London and move to rural Wales, he has no idea what he is letting himself in for. In possession of a run-down bed and breakfast that leans more toward the shabby than the chic and is, quite literally, miles from nowhere, Buffy realizes that he needs to fill the beds--and fast. Otherwise, his vision of the pastoral countryside will go up in smoke. Enter a motley collection of guests: Harold, whose wife has run off with a younger woman; Amy, who's been unexpectedly dumped by her (not-so) nebbishy boyfriend and Andy, the hypochondriac postman whose girlfriend is much too much for him to handle. But under Buffy's watchful eye, this disparate group of strangers finds that they have more in common than perhaps they first thought. A charming romantic comedy that will captivate even the most determined urbanite, Heartbreak Hotel is a supreme entertainment.
Heartbreak for Hire: A Novel
by Sonia HartlA smart, sexy, and witty romantic comedy—perfect for fans of Christina Lauren and Sally Thorne—about a twentysomething who lives out every woman’s fantasy: getting paid to give men who do us wrong a taste of their own medicine. But when a previous target unexpectedly shows up at her office, she’s forced to rethink her life as a professional heartbreaker. <p><p> Brinkley Saunders has a secret. To everyone in the academic world she left behind, she lost it all when she dropped out of grad school. Once a rising star following in her mother’s footsteps, she’s now an administrative assistant at an insurance agency—or so they think. In reality, Brinkley works at Heartbreak for Hire, a secret service that specializes in revenge for jilted lovers, frenemies, and long-suffering coworkers with a little cash to spare and a man who needs to be taken down a notch. It might not be as prestigious as academia, but it helps Brinkley save for her dream of opening an art gallery and lets her exorcise a few demons, all while helping to empower women. But when her boss announces she’s hiring male heartbreakers for the first time, Brinkley’s no longer so sure she’s doing the right thing—especially when her new coworker turns out to be a target she was paid to take down. <p><p> Though Mark spends his days struggling up the academic ladder, he seems to be the opposite of a backstabbing adjunct: a nerd at heart in criminally sexy sweater vests who’s attentive both in and out of the bedroom. But as Brinkley finds it increasingly more difficult to focus on anything but Mark, she soon realizes that like herself, people aren’t always who they appear to be. With Sonia Hartl’s “bitingly funny” (Publishers Weekly) prose, Heartbreak for Hire is a clever romcom you and your girlfriends won’t be able to stop talking about.
Heartbreaker: A Hell's Belles Novel (Hell's Belles #2)
by Sarah MacLeanNew York Times bestselling author Sarah MacLean follows her highly acclaimed Bombshell with Heartbreaker, featuring a fierce, fearless heroine on a mission to steal a duke’s secrets…and his heart. A Tempting ThiefRaised among London’s most notorious criminals, a twist of fate landed Adelaide Frampton in the bright ballrooms of Mayfair, where she masquerades as a quiet wallflower—so plain and unassuming that no one realizes she’s the Matchbreaker…using her superior skills as a thief to help unwilling brides avoid the altar, all while hiding her own scandalous past.A Powerful DukeHenry Carrington, Duke of Clayborn, has spent a lifetime living in perfection and has no time for the scandals that arise every time Adelaide ends another groom. His own reputation is impeccable—and the last thing he needs is a frustrating, fascinating woman discovering the truth of his past, or the secrets he holds close. A Perfect MatchWhen the two find themselves on a breakneck journey across Britain to stop a wedding, the duke has no choice but to follow her across Britain on a trip filled with bad weather, bad luck, and a surprising lack of beds. Adelaide soon realizes that this perfect duke kisses like a proper scoundrel, and is turning out to be a thief in his own right…one who won’t stop until he’s stolen her well-guarded heart.
Heartburn (Virago Modern Classics #19)
by Nora Ephron'I have bought more copies of this book to give to people, in a frenzy of enthusiasm, than any other . . . Heartburn is the perfect, bittersweet, sobbingly funny, all-too-true confessional novel' Nigella Lawson Seven months into her pregnancy, Rachel discovers that her husband is in love with another woman. The fact that this woman has a 'neck as long as an arm and a nose as long as a thumb' is no consolation. Food sometimes is, though, since Rachel is a cookery writer, and between trying to win Mark back and wishing him dead, she offers us some of her favourite recipes. Heartburn is a roller coaster of love, betrayal, loss and - most satisfyingly - revenge.This is Nora Ephron's (screenwriter of When Harry Met Sally and Sleepless in Seattle) roman a clef: 'I always thought during the pain of the marriage that one day it would make a funny book,' she once said - And it is!Books included in the VMC 40th anniversary series include: Frost in May by Antonia White; The Collected Stories of Grace Paley; Fire from Heaven by Mary Renault; The Magic Toyshop by Angela Carter; The Weather in the Streets by Rosamond Lehmann; Deep Water by Patricia Highsmith; The Return of the Soldier by Rebecca West; Their Eyes Were Watching God by Zora Neale Hurston; Heartburn by Nora Ephron; The Dud Avocado by Elaine Dundy; Memento Mori by Muriel Spark; A View of the Harbour by Elizabeth Taylor; and Faces in the Water by Janet Frame
Hearts And Minds: ‘Ambitious, compelling and utterly gripping' Maggie O'Farrell
by Amanda Craig'A novel written with passion and moral outrage' Sunday Times'Sympathetic, thought-provoking and often deeply moving' Daily Telegraph'You can't put this down' Independent Rich or poor, five people, seemingly very different, find their lives in the capital connected in undreamed-of ways. Job, the illegal mini-cab driver whose wife in Zimbabwe no longer answers his letters; Ian, the idealistic supply teacher in exile from South Africa; Katie from New York, jilted and miserable as a dogsbody at a political magazine, and fifteen-year-old Anna, trafficked into sexual slavery. Polly Noble, an overworked human rights lawyer, knows better than most how easy it is to fall through the cracks into the abyss. Yet when her au pair, Iryna, disappears, Polly's own needs and beliefs drag her family into a world of danger, deceit and terror.Riveting, humane, engaging, Hearts and Minds is a novel that is both entertaining and prepared to ask the most serious questions about the way we live.