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Hello: The Autobiography
by Leslie PhillipsThe autobiography of a true national treasure, an actor who has featured in more British Number One box office smashes than anyone else.Leslie Phillips's story begins with a poverty-stricken childhood in north London, made all the worse when his father died when Leslie was just ten years old. Soon after, he began his acting career, and since then he has worked with all the greats, from Laurence Olivier to Steven Spielberg.Best known for his comic roles in the Carry On and Doctor series, he took the decision in later life to take on more serious roles in films such as Empire of the Sun, Out of Africa and Scandal, as well as performing in plays such as The Cherry Orchard.Packed with hilarious anecdotes, in this long-awaited autobiography he recalls some of the great characters he has worked with, and also highlights how different he is in real life from his onscreen persona as a bounder. It is a fascinating story, brilliantly told.
Heloise And Bellinis: A Novel
by Harry CiprianiThis charmingly inventive, deliciously improbable seriocomic novel opens at eleven o'clock in the morning of July 14 in the year 2000 on the Avenue d'Angleterre in Beirut. Private George Smith of the American Peace-Keeping Forces in Lebanon is breathlessly chasing a hand grenade-which he threw in the line of duty-down the street. It seems he forgot to pull the pin. At that very moment, one Heloise Svejk is crossing the street from east to west, bearing an empty coffin on her shoulder. From this unlikely encounter is born one of the great love stories of the first year of the twenty-first century, not completely unworthy of that of Heloise's namesake nine centuries earlier.Private Smith is a reasonably sane soldier, as sane at least as any oversized American of mixed Swedish and Austro-Hungarian descent from Alabama who has not been with a beautiful for two years can be. Now Smith knows, inevitably and irrevocably, why fate has posted him to this godforsaken city. He disappears with Heloise for all the right reasons, but for General Custer, Private Smith's commanding officer, when you're gone for five days you're gone for good, fellow, and Washington is so informed. When news spreads that Smith is not dead but only hopelessly in love, the plot does not merely thicken but gets downright sticky. What will Custer tell the President? What will he tell George's next of kin, and how will he get back the posthumous award for unusual bravery he sent her? And yes, what about this Heloise they are all drooling over? In page after page, chapter after chapter, these and countless other cosmic questions are discussed and dealt with-with mixed results, as the author is quick to point out.Interspersed with the chapters are intermezzi in which the author muses and comments on George, Heloise, life, love, Harry's Bar, his father Giuseppe, peach nectar and champagne cocktails (aka "bellinis"), and Cousin Wanda-not to mention Abelard himself, the inquisitive, inflexible, and highly unimaginative friend of the author to whom the intermezzi are addressed.
Help
by Simon Amstell'A beautiful and clever book about being human' Russell BrandCOMEDY. TRAGEDY. THERAPY. Simon Amstell did his first stand-up gig at the age of thirteen. His parents had just divorced and puberty was confusing. Trying to be funny solved everything. HELP is the hilarious and heartbreaking account of Simon’s ongoing compulsion to reveal his entire self on stage. To tell the truth so it can’t hurt him any more. Loneliness, anxiety, depression – this book has it all. And more. From a complicated childhood in Essex to an Ayahuasca-led epiphany in the Amazon rainforest, this story will make you laugh, cry and then feel happier than you’ve ever been.
Help Is on the Way: Stay Up and Live Your Truth
by Kountry WayneComedic superstar and internet entrepreneur Kountry Wayne’s unflinchingly honest, often outrageous, but always hopeful and hard-won lessons on having faith. <p><p>Before he was one of Variety’s “10 Comics to Watch” and a comedy sensation followed by millions, Kountry Wayne found few legit options for a poor Black man in a small-minded Georgia town. For many years he resorted to running his own game, but thankfully friends and family (and one patient probation officer) convinced him that he had talent beyond hustling. Once he began posting short sketches based on his on-the-nose Southern Black truths, wildly funny observations, and inspirational guidance, he became an almost overnight hit. <p><p>Now a proud father of ten, Kountry Wayne is on a mission to give back. By sharing his seemingly impossible story, he hopes to help others see that no matter where you started from or how stuck you feel right now, the possibilities for living a rich, full life are limitless. Trust that the universe has got you! <p><p>His Kountry Lessons include:• Sometimes All You Have Is Your Pride: Often the only person who can push you forward is you.• Live Your Truth: Don’t hide from where you came from, celebrate it—this is what makes you an original.• Don’t Get Mad, Get Money: Ignore the people who want to tear you down and provide for the ones you love.• Stay Up: Even when the worst thing happens, you have to find the strength to keep going. <p><p>Whether you are simply looking for a laugh to boost your spirit or some real guidance to help you in life, love, or money, Kountry Wayne has got you covered.
Help Me!: One Woman's Quest to Find Out If Self-Help Really Can Change Your Life
by Marianne Power“Consistently entertaining . . . she writes with unflinching honesty . . . Bridget Jones meets Buddha in this plucky, heartwarming, comical debut memoir.” —Kirkus Reviews (starred review)For years journalist Marianne Power lined her bookshelves with dog-eared copies of definitive guides on how to live your best life, dipping in and out of self-help books when she needed them most. Then, one day, she woke up to find that the life she hoped for and the life she was living were worlds apart—and she set out to make some big changes.Marianne decided to finally find out if her elusive “perfect existence” —the one without debt, anxiety, or hangover Netflix marathons, the one where she healthily bounced around town and met the cashmere-sweater-wearing man of her dreams—really did lie in the pages of our best known and acclaimed self-help books. She vowed to test a book a month for one year, following its advice to the letter, taking what she hoped would be the surest path to a flawless new her. But as the months passed and Marianne’s reality was turned upside down, she found herself confronted with a different question: Self-help can change your life, but is it for the better?With humor, audacity, disarming candor and unassuming wisdom, in Help Me Marianne Power plumbs the trials and tests of being a modern woman in a “have it all” culture, and what it really means to be our very best selves.“Equal parts touching and hilarious, Power’s account of the year she spent following the tenets of self-help books will make you feel better about your own flawed life.” —People
Help Me, Information: Poems
by David KirbyHelp Me, Information is propelled by the speed and motion of the poems that define earlier acclaimed books by David Kirby, poems that move the way the mind does on a good day, puddle-jumping from one topic to another and then coming in for a nice soft landing. Colloquial in tone, balancing narrative breadth with precise detail, Kirby’s poetry displays his voracious curiosity about history, science, literature, and popular culture. Yet here he also reinvents himself with poems that recall the compactness of Jack Gilbert, the sweep of Allen Ginsberg, and the introspection of Frank O’Hara.Help Me, Information presents a fresh Kirby, familiar yet new.
Help Me: My Perfectly Disastrous Journey through the World of Self-Help
by Marianne PowerA hilarious and heartwarming rampage through the world of self-careMarianne Power was a self-help junkie. For years she lined her bookshelves with dog-eared copies of definitive guide after definitive guide on how to live your best life. Yet one day she woke up to find that the life she dreamed of and the life she was living were not miles but continents apart. So she set out to make a change. Or, actually, to make every change.Marianne decided to finally find out if her elusive perfect life—the one without debt, anxiety, hangovers or Netflix marathons, the one where she healthily bounced around town with perfect teeth to meet the cashmere-sweater-wearing man of her dreams—lay in the pages of those books. So for a year she vowed to test a book a month, following its advice to the letter, taking the surest road she knew to a perfect Marianne. As her year-long plan turned into a demented roller coaster where everything she knew was turned upside down, she found herself confronted with a different question: Self-help can change your life, but is it for the better?
Help Me: My Perfectly Disastrous Journey through the World of Self-Help
by Marianne PowerA hilarious and heartwarming rampage through the world of self-careMarianne Power was a self-help junkie. For years she lined her bookshelves with dog-eared copies of definitive guide after definitive guide on how to live your best life. Yet one day she woke up to find that the life she dreamed of and the life she was living were not miles but continents apart. So she set out to make a change. Or, actually, to make every change.Marianne decided to finally find out if her elusive perfect life—the one without debt, anxiety, hangovers or Netflix marathons, the one where she healthily bounced around town with perfect teeth to meet the cashmere-sweater-wearing man of her dreams—lay in the pages of those books. So for a year she vowed to test a book a month, following its advice to the letter, taking the surest road she knew to a perfect Marianne. As her year-long plan turned into a demented roller coaster where everything she knew was turned upside down, she found herself confronted with a different question: Self-help can change your life, but is it for the better?
Help Wanted (An on the Job Romance #1)
by Allison B. HansonWho said mixing work and pleasure was a bad idea? For Kenley Carmichael, getting fired for sleeping with the boss’s husband is almost funny—at 28, she’s still a virgin. Not that her now ex-boss would believe it—Kenley’s got the face and figure to attract plenty of men, even if she’s never found the right one. A job at New Haven Custom Boats is a chance to start fresh and learn a whole new skill set. Trouble is, she can’t stop wishing her incredibly hot new boss would introduce her to some decidedly un-businesslike pleasure . . . Zane Jackson needs a new assistant, but when his pregnant sister hires her replacement, she chooses a girl who reminds him of the kind who broke his heart in high school. Zane might not be that shy boy anymore, but sweet, sexy Kenley makes him feel every bit as awkward as he did then—and even hungrier to kiss her. She’s the perfect woman for the job—but he wants her to be so much more. Interoffice dating can only lead to trouble—unless it leads to true love . . .
Help Wanted Human: No Experience Necessary
by Stephen WytrysowskiTHE ALIENS ARE HERE! Now How Do We Get Rid of Them! You've seen them on TV! You've read about them in the Global Inquisitor! Now, read the tell-all autobiography by Stephen Wytrysowski, of the US Interpreter Team and the subject of much of the controversy surrounding U.S./Alien relations. Why are they here? Are they're intentions as benign as they would have us believe? Can we make money of them? What atrocious humiliations are our citizens being subjected to at their super secret base? And what is their obsession with anal probing anyway? Steve reveals the answers in this book that our government does not want you to read! Get The Book That Is Banned on the Chricktou Home World! Act Now!
Help Wanted Human: Paid holiday
by Stephen WytrysowskiSteve's back with more exciting alien interpreter expose's. This time, the interpreters go on strike to protest Smash messing with the space-time continuum, The ambassadors give the interpreters an opportunity to test their skills when the embassy invites all their Washington contacts to a Christmas party at which Steve confronts his Chricktou nemesis, Awktrick. The interpreters go home for Christmas, Steve tries to get laid, and learns that you can go home again, but home just might want you to leave. Plus! More of Smash's illusionary life lessons. Happy Holidays!
Help Wanted: A Novel
by Adelle WaldmanOne of Barack Obama’s Favorite Books of the Summer A Best Book of the Year in Vogue, Vulture, Elle, and Economist A New York Times Book Review Editors' Choice “Poignant, funny, stealthily ambitious.” —Michelle Goldberg, New York Times From the best-selling author of The Love Affairs of Nathaniel P. comes a funny, eye-opening tale of work in contemporary America. Every day at 3:55 a.m., members of Team Movement clock in for their shift at big-box store Town Square in a small upstate New York town. Under the eyes of a self-absorbed and barely competent boss, they empty the day’s truck of merchandise, stock the shelves, and scatter before the store opens and customers arrive. Their lives follow a familiar if grueling routine, but their real problem is that Town Square doesn’t schedule them for enough hours—most of them are barely getting by, even while working second or third jobs. When store manager Big Will announces he is leaving, the members of Movement spot an opportunity. If they play their cards right, one of them just might land a management job, with all the stability and possibility for advancement that that implies. The members of Team Movement—including a comedy-obsessed oddball who acts half his age, a young woman clinging on to her “cool kid” status from high school, and a college football hopeful trying to find a new path—band together to set a just-so-crazy-it-might-work plot in motion. Adelle Waldman’s debut novel was a breakout sensation, lauded by the Los Angeles Times as an “exacting character study” with “excellent and witty prose” and described as “incisive and very funny” by the Economist and “brilliant” by both NPR’s Fresh Air and the Washington Post. In her long-awaited follow-up, Waldman brings her unparalleled wit and astute social observation to the world of modern, low-wage work. A humane and darkly comic workplace caper that shines a light on the odds low-wage workers are up against in today’s economy, Help Wanted is a funny, moving tale of ordinary people trying to make a living.
Help Wanted: Female
by Sara PritchardSo there was all that: the ordinary twill of life; the ho-hum sturm und drang of the workplace: the ubiquitous absurdities, the annoying co-workers, the bloody deadlines and even bloodier bottom lines; the bland, eternal, Sisyphean, absolute, unrelenting, surreal certainty of the day-in-and-day-out of it all. Life as a slice of white bread, moistened with spit and rolled into a messy glob, a doughy ball that couldn't make the slightest dent in the iron gates of life.But then, suddenly, on August 27, 2002, all that changed. Suddenly, Rae-Jean's uneventful life began to leaven and swell with hypotheticals. 'What if' grabbed a hold of it and pumped it a few times in its death grip.The world in Sara Pritchard's book is a known world and yet a strange place, with a cast of homeless characters who wander in and out of the stories of the collection, all set in the same university town. The linked stories take place during the time when gender discrimination in the American workplace was blatant, and when classified ads were labeled "male" or "female" accordingly.Sara Pritchard is the author of the novel-in-stories Crackpots, a New York Times Notable Book of the Year, and the critically acclaimed linked-story collection Lately. She's lived in West Virginia for over thirty years and teaches in the Wilkes University Low-Residency MA/MFA Creative Writing Program.
Help Wanted: One Rooster
by Julie FalatkoThe search for the perfect rooster to save a struggling farm from chaos will leave readers howling—and trying out their very best cock-a-doodle-doo!A farm.Bucolic beauty, barns, and...sleepy animals everywhere?This farm needs a rooster, and Cow is determined to find the perfect candidate.One rooster, who wakes up first thing in the morning, with a resounding cock-a-doodle-do—is that too much to ask?YES!This tale of a frenzied farm and the beleaguered cow trying to keep it all together packs more than laughs. As each enthusiastic candidate learns: roostering isn&’t what you are, but what you do. And there&’s room for everyone. As long as they wake up early—er, I mean brew strong coffee—or is it press the big button?—oh never mind. All are welcome!
Help Yourself: A Novel
by Rachel Michael ArendsIn a small Southern town, a young woman is about to get some life-changing news . . . Lured away from her small mountain town by the promise of an inheritance from the biological father she never met, Merry Strand heads to a remote barrier island off of North Carolina called Topsail. This sudden and unexpected windfall could save her family from financial ruin. But there&’s a catch. Before she can get the money, she needs to complete a regimen of self-improvement tasks. Surrounded by her late father&’s lawyer, Fritz (who just wants to go home to London); an uncle who&’s hoping to steal her newfound legacy; and a widower staying in the beach house next door, Merry has her work cut out for her and plenty of obstacles in her way. And complicating matters are a crazy radio therapist, a suicidal software engineer, a matchmaking dog, and possibly a ghost . . . Set during the island&’s off-season, this lively tale, both poignant and packed with humor, shows how romance can come when you least expect it and how when it comes to improving our lives, we can all use a little help.
Help! I Smell a Monster
by Justin DaviesThis book STINKS . . . of monsters! A hilariously funny debut, perfect for fans of Pamela Butchart and David Solomons.When Alice is sent to stay with her Uncle Magnus, she soon realises that his job agency isn't quite ... normal. It helps monsters find work that makes the most of their unique talons - er, talents. Alice is shocked to discover that monsters are EVERYWHERE. There's even a Cyclops working in the castle as a pastry chef! But when he suddenly disappears, Alice smells something fishy. Can she and her uncle sniff out the missing monster before it's too late?
Help! I'm Laughing and I Can't Get Up: Fall-down Funny Stories to Fill Your Heart and Lift Your Spirit
by Liz Curtis HiggsDiscover seven reasons why people laugh, plus seven body benefits of laughter. Reveals the four humor personalities. . . and which category you fit in. Helps readers realize that God gave us a funny bone. . . we just need to find out how to use it.
Help! I'm Trapped in My Principal's Body
by Todd StrasserA bully is beating up students in Jake Sherman's eighth grade class and it looks as if no one can stop him, until Jake causes his buddy Josh to switch bodies with the principal. <p> <p><b>Lexile Level: 590L</b></p>
Help! The Grandchildren are Coming: Activities, Games, Jokes, Puzzles, Magic Tricks and More!
by Clive Whichelow Mike HaskinsKnock, knock. Who’s there? The grandchildren.It’s one of the few phrases guaranteed to fill you with both delight and dread – the grandchildren are coming! Of course you love to see them, but what do you do with them for the next few hours – or even days?Thankfully, this book is here to guide you through. Choose from a whole host of delights:Games old and newMagic tricks that even you won’t be able to mess upJokes that will make you the first sit-down stand-up comedianThe hours will fly by and, with any luck, you’ll have just as much fun as they do!
Help! There's a Ghost in My Room! (Full House Dear Michelle)
by Judy KatschkeDear Michelle, Help! There's a ghost in my room! I just moved into a creepy old house and it's totally haunted. I'm really scared. What should I do? From Ghost Girl I slept over at Ghost Girl's house last night. You won't believe what I saw...
Help! We Have Strange Powers! (Goosebumps HorrorLand #10)
by R. L. StineTwelve-year-old twins Jillian and Jackson are startled when they discover they can read each other's thoughts. But that's not all. They can read other people's thoughts, too! The strange new powers are exciting... at first. But soon they discover that somebody else knows their secret. Somebody who will stop at nothing to control their powers. They can't start trusting people in HorrorLand, either. One of the kids might be a traitor. Every time is looks as if they are getting away, the bad guys are waiting for them. Who's too blame?
Help! We Have Strange Powers! (Goosebumps HorrorLand #10)
by R. L. StineGoosebumps now on Disney+!Jillian and Jackson freak out when they suddenly can read people's thoughts. But the trick turns to terror when the twins are stalked by a strange scientist who wants to know exactly what's on their minds. Will the twins ever lead normal lives again? Not in HorrorLand they won't. There are free meals, free games, and free falls down the Doom Slide. Someone's watching their every step. But is she friend or foe?
Help, I Can't Stop Laughing!: A Nonstop Collection of Life's Funniest Stories
by Barbara Johnson Karen Linamen Shari MacDonaldBut be forewarned, once you start, you may not be able to stop! Help, I Can’t Stop Laughing! offers a collection of nonstop fun, foibles, and rib-tickling humor for those who know that laughter is the best medicine.Contributors like Barbara Johnson, Martha Bolton, Mark Lowry, Patsy Clairmont, Becky Freeman, and Chonda Pierce share their most hilarious and embarrassing moments to remind you that God’s love and a little laughter will keep you smiling no matter what curves life throws you.This cheerful collection of quips, stories, anecdotes, and quotes offers a continual source of refreshment in the midst of life’s struggles and stresses. Let the laughter begin!
Help, I'm Trapped in the Duvet!
by Howard LesterMost people understand that what an emergency is and only call out the police, fire brigade or ambulance when they really need to. However, there is a weird minority who will dial 911 if they lose their keys, if their phone isn't working, if they need a lift home from a party or even if they have become hopelessly trapped in their own duvet!This hilarious collection of true stories brings together some of the world's most ridiculous emergency calls, including:- The woman who called the police because MacDonalds was out of Chicken Mcnuggets.- The priest who dialed 999 because WHSmiths at Manchester Airporte wouldn't let him use their toilet- The boy who called an ambulance because his poodle was looking sad.- The man whose watch read the same time for three hours who called the police to report that...wait for it...time was standing still- Then there was the man who had taken too much viagra...
Help, I'm Trapped in the Duvet!
by Howard LesterMost people understand that what an emergency is and only call out the police, fire brigade or ambulance when they really need to. However, there is a weird minority who will dial 911 if they lose their keys, if their phone isn't working, if they need a lift home from a party or even if they have become hopelessly trapped in their own duvet!This hilarious collection of true stories brings together some of the world's most ridiculous emergency calls, including:- The woman who called the police because MacDonalds was out of Chicken Mcnuggets.- The priest who dialed 999 because WHSmiths at Manchester Airporte wouldn't let him use their toilet- The boy who called an ambulance because his poodle was looking sad.- The man whose watch read the same time for three hours who called the police to report that...wait for it...time was standing still- Then there was the man who had taken too much viagra...