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How to Talk to Your Cat About Gun Safety: And Abstinence, Drugs, Satanism, and Other Dangers That Threaten Their Nine Lives
by Zachary AuburnThe cats of America are under siege! Long gone are the good old days when a cat's biggest worries were mean dogs or a bath. Modern cats must confront satanists, online predators, the possibility of needing to survive in a post-apocalyptic wasteland, and countless other threats to their nine lives. For over four decades, the American Association of Patriots have stood at the vanguard of our country's defense by helping to prepare our nation's cat owners for the difficult conversations they dread having with their pets. Written in a simple Q&A format, How to Talk to Your Cat About Gun Safety answers crucial questions such as, "What is the right age to talk to my cat about the proper use of firearms?" and "What are the benefits of my cat living a lifestyle of abstinence?" and especially "Why does my cat need to use the internet? Can't he just play with yarn like cats used to do?" Our country--and our cats--stand at a precipice. It will take courage, and it will take hard work, but armed with the knowledge within these pages, we can make our cats--and America--great again!From the Trade Paperback edition.
How to Talk to Your Cat About Gun Safety: and Abstinence, Drugs, Satanism, and Other Dangers That Threaten Their Nine Lives
by Zachary AuburnLong gone are the good old days when a cat's biggest worries were mean dogs or a bath. Modern cats must confront satanists, online predators, the possibility of needing to survive in a post-apocalyptic wasteland, and countless other threats to their nine lives.For over four decades, the American Association of Patriots have stood at the vanguard of our country's defense by helping to prepare our nation's cat owners for the difficult conversations they dread having with their pets. Written in a simple Q&A format, HOW TO TALK TO YOUR CAT ABOUT GUN SAFETY answers crucial questions such as, 'What is the right age to talk to my cat about the proper use of firearms?' and 'What are the benefits of my cat living a lifestyle of abstinence?' and especially 'Why does my cat need to use the internet? Can't he just play with yarn like cats used to do?'America - and our cats - stand at a precipice. It will take courage, and it will take hard work, but armed with the knowledge within these pages, we can make our cats - and America - great again!
How to Talk to a Widower: A Novel
by Jonathan Tropper"Beautifully crafted", "Fantastically funny." "Compulsively readable." Jonathan Tropper has earned wild acclaim---and comparisons to Nick Hornby and Tom Perrotta--for his biting humor and insightful portrayals of families in crisis and men behaving badly. Now the acclaimed author of The Book of Joe and Everything Changes tackles love, lust, and lost in the suburbs--in a stunning novel that is by turns heartfelt and riotously funny.Doug Parker is a widower at age twenty-nine, and in his quiet suburban town, that makes him something of a celebrity--the object of sympathy, curiosity, and, in some cases, unbridled desire. But Doug has other things on his mind. First there's his sixteen year-old stepson, Russ: a once-sweet kid who now is getting into increasingly serious trouble on a daily basis. Then there are Doug's sisters: his bossy twin, Clair, who's just left he husband and moved in with Doug, determined to rouse him from his Grieving stupor. And Debbie, who's engaged to Doug's ex-best friend and manically determined to pull off the perfect wedding at any cost.Soon Doug's entire nuclear family is in his face. And when he starts dipping his toes into the shark-infested waters of the second-time around dating scene, it isn't long before his new life is spinning hopelessly out of control, cutting a harrowing and often hilarious swath of sexual missteps and escalating chaos across the suburban landscape.From the Hardcover edition.
How to Tame Your Cat: Tongue-in-Cheek Advice for Keeping Your Furry Friend Under Control
by Sam HartA fully illustrated book of tongue-in-cheek advice for cat parents who struggle to tame their cat's inner beastHaving a cat can be such a joy. Little compares to the delight of cuddles on the couch, the sound of gentle purring, or the fun of playtime. But what do you do when your furry friend starts scratching all the furniture, ruining the flower beds, stealing your food and generally wreaking havoc?Luckily, this entertaining guide is here with top tips and tricks to tame your cat when the wild beast comes out, so you can spend more time giving head scritches and less time worrying about the state of your curtains.Become an elite cat parent with these nuggets of wisdom: If you're worried about items crashing to the floor, attach ornaments with string and they won't make such a satisfying "THUNK" noiseCity cats love the daily discipline of being taken for a walk; give it a try and observe the calming effect it has on themInstall a security-grade toilet-paper guard to avoid unsolicited homemade confetti
How to Tame Your Cat: Tongue-in-Cheek Advice for Keeping Your Furry Friend Under Control
by Sam HartA fully illustrated book of tongue-in-cheek advice for cat parents who struggle to tame their cat's inner beastHaving a cat can be such a joy. Little compares to the delight of cuddles on the couch, the sound of gentle purring, or the fun of playtime. But what do you do when your furry friend starts scratching all the furniture, ruining the flower beds, stealing your food and generally wreaking havoc?Luckily, this entertaining guide is here with top tips and tricks to tame your cat when the wild beast comes out, so you can spend more time giving head scritches and less time worrying about the state of your curtains.Become an elite cat parent with these nuggets of wisdom: If you're worried about items crashing to the floor, attach ornaments with string and they won't make such a satisfying "THUNK" noiseCity cats love the daily discipline of being taken for a walk; give it a try and observe the calming effect it has on themInstall a security-grade toilet-paper guard to avoid unsolicited homemade confetti
How to Teach Classics to Your Dog: A Quirky Introduction to the Ancient Greeks and Romans
by Philip WomackIt should have been a beautiful moment between a man and his dog. Philip Womack made a quip about Cerberus, the three-headed hell-hound, but for Una, the beloved lurcher, it was all Greek. Then she ran off after a squirrel. And Womack was left to wonder what else she didn&’t know about the great civilisations of the past. The Greeks and the Romans laid the foundations of so much of what we read, listen to and watch today, from the baked pies of Game of Thrones to the Lotus-eaters of Love Island. In this unique introduction, Womack leads Una and us on a fleet-footed odyssey through the classical world. You&’ll learn to tell your Odysseus from your Oedipus, your Polyxena from your Polydorus…but the story of the hunting dogs that tore their own master apart may be best left for another day.
How to Teach Philosophy to Your Dog: A Quirky Introduction to the Big Questions in Philosophy
by Anthony McGowanMonty was just like any other dog. A scruffy and irascible Maltese terrier, he enjoyed barking at pugs and sniffing at trees. But after yet another dramatic confrontation with the local Rottweiler, Anthony McGowan realises it&’s high time he and Monty had a chat about what makes him a good or a bad dog. And they don&’t stop at ethics. Taking his cue from Monty&’s canine antics, McGowan leads us on an enlightening jaunt through the world of philosophy. Will Kant convince Monty to stop stealing cheesecake? How long will they put up with Socrates poking holes in every argument? Do they have free will to pursue answers to these questions? Join the dutiful duo as they set out to uncover who – if anyone – has the right end of the ethical stick and can tell us how best to live one&’s life. But there is also a shadow over their conversations. Monty is not well… And so towards the end the biggest questions raise their heads: is there a God? Does life have a meaning? By the time of their last walk together, Monty – and the reader – will find that they have not just solved a few philosophical puzzles, but absorbed much of the history of Western philosophy.
How to Teach Philosophy to Your Dog: Exploring The Big Questions In Life
by Anthony McGowanBecause man’s best friend deserves to know the secrets of how to live a good life, too. Monty was just like any other dog. A scruffy and irascible Maltese terrier, he enjoyed barking at pugs and sniffing at trees. But after yet another dramatic confrontation with the local Rottweiler, Anthony McGowan realizes it’s high time he and Monty had a chat about what makes him a good or a bad dog. Taking his lead from Monty’s canine antics, McGowan takes us on a hilarious and enlightening jaunt through the major debates of philosophy. Will Kant convince Monty to stop stealing cheesecake? How long will they put up with Socrates poking holes in every argument? In this uniquely entertaining take on morality and ethics, the dutiful duo set out to uncover who—if anyone—has the right end of the ethical stick and can tell us how best to live one’s life.
How to Teach Relativity to Your Dog
by Chad OrzelIn this accessible introduction to general and special relativity for students and general readers, Orzel (physics, Union College) explains concepts such as the Big Bang to Nero, a cat who believes he is the center of the universe, and Emmy, the dog who mastered quantum physics in Orzel's previous book. The book alternates between humorous human-pet dialogues and plain language explanations using everyday examples. It includes b&w illustrations explaining concepts, plus an extensive glossary and a brief bibliographic essay. Annotation ©2012 Book News, Inc. , Portland, OR (booknews. com)
How to Teach Your Cat a Trick: in Five Easy Steps (How to Cat books)
by Nicola WinstanleyIn this hilarious and clever follow-up to How to Give Your Cat a Bath, a boy, a dog and a know-it-all narrator are thwarted by a cat who refuses to learn a trick. The perfect read-aloud for fans of Interrupting Chicken.Step one: Decide on a trickStep two: Get some treats readyStep three: Hold the treat in your hand and ask your cat to do the trickStep four: Watch your cat do exactly what you asked him to doStep five: Reward your cat for doing the trick Simple, right? This spoof on an instruction manual features an increasingly bewildered human, a nonchalant cat, a very good dog and a know-it-all narrator . . . who really doesn't know it all. How DO you teach a cat a trick? Read on to find out!
How to Teach Your Dog to Drive
by Mike HaskinsIs your eyesight failing, are you not very good at driving yourself, or are you simply blind drunk? These are just a few of the reasons why it would make perfect sense to teach your dog to be your new chauffeur.Here, for the first time, is a complete guide: how to get your dog acquainted with the controls, which breeds are the safest drivers, frequently asked questions; and how to get your dog successfully through their tests.Never again need you wait for a taxi, or make that long highway drive unassisted. If you are a dog owner and a car owner, then How to Teach Your Dog to Drive will be the most useful book you buy this year, or even this decade . . .
How to Teach a Monster (Magical Creatures and Crafts)
by Sue FliessWhat happens when a big furry monster no longer wants to be scary? How can he figure out what his other talents are? In this installation of Sue Fliess and Simona Sanfilippo's Magical Creatures and Crafts series, an unhappy monster is hoping to get out of the scaring business. But it's all he's ever known. So one day he realizes the key lies in learning a new skill. And who better to teach him something new than a group of kind and patient kids? The kids agree to help him and offer to teach him a number of things—and he chooses baking a cake. The story follows the monster as he learns how to bake and decorate. The journey includes funny monsterly snafus, but in the end he makes a monster of a cake and is proud to have learned and changed. Kids will delight in the monster's trials and errors, and cheer him on when he persists and finds success. Fliess&’s bouncy read-aloud rhyming text and Sanfilippo&’s energetic, whimsical illustrations will bring joy to young readers as they watch the children exercise patience with a monster who is just a little bit self-conscious and clumsy. Also included are guides for teachers and parents about popular monsters in stories and media, as well as instructions for making a monstrously fun and delicious cake!
How to Teach your Dog to Drive
by Mike HaskinsIs your eyesight failing, are you not very good at driving yourself or are you simply blind drunk? These are just a few of the reasons why it would make perfect sense to teach your dog to be your new chauffeur. Here, for the first time, is a complete guide: how to get your dog acquainted with the controls, which breeds are the safest drivers, frequently asked questions; and how to get your dog successfully through their tests.Never again need you wait for a taxi, or make that long motorway drive unassisted. If you are a dog owner and a car owner, then How to Teach Your Dog to Drive will be the most useful book you buy this year, or even this decade . . .
How to Tell Your Friends From the Apes (Nonpareil Book)
by P. G. Wodehouse Will Cuppy JacksWill Cuppy was one of the original staff of Harold Ross’s New Yorker and the author of How to Be a Hermit and How to Become Extinct. He is also, says P.G.Wodehouse in his introduction, “the author of the best thing said about Pekingese, viz. ‘I don’t know why they should look so conceited. They’re no better than we are.'” This quip sounds the characteristic Cuppy note: concisely expressed misanthropy, a.k.a. pith and vinegar. About the title: “I grant you there are plenty of old-fashioned and pretty ineffective ways to tell your friends from the Apes,” confesses the author. “What could be simpler, for instance, when you are at the zoo? The Apes are in cages. Yes, but when you are not at the zoo, what then?” “Then” is when we need to be taken by Mr. Cuppy’s incomparable hand, which, unlike the chimpanzee’s, is clean and has an opposable thumb.
How to Tell a Joke: An Ancient Guide to the Art of Humor (Ancient Wisdom for Modern Readers)
by Marcus Tullius CiceroTimeless advice about how to use humor to win over any audienceCan jokes win a hostile room, a hopeless argument, or even an election? You bet they can, according to Cicero, and he knew what he was talking about. One of Rome’s greatest politicians, speakers, and lawyers, Cicero was also reputedly one of antiquity’s funniest people. After he was elected commander-in-chief and head of state, his enemies even started calling him “the stand-up Consul.” How to Tell a Joke provides a lively new translation of Cicero’s essential writing on humor alongside that of the later Roman orator and educator Quintilian. The result is a timeless practical guide to how a well-timed joke can win over any audience.As powerful as jokes can be, they are also hugely risky. The line between a witty joke and an offensive one isn’t always clear. Cross it and you’ll look like a clown, or worse. Here, Cicero and Quintilian explore every aspect of telling jokes—while avoiding costly mistakes. Presenting the sections on humor in Cicero’s On the Ideal Orator and Quintilian’s The Education of the Orator, complete with an enlightening introduction and the original Latin on facing pages, How to Tell a Joke examines the risks and rewards of humor and analyzes basic types that readers can use to write their own jokes.Filled with insight, wit, and examples, including more than a few lawyer jokes, How to Tell a Joke will appeal to anyone interested in humor or the art of public speaking.
How to Tell if Your Boyfriend Is the Antichrist
by Michael Miller Patricia CarlinBoyfriend From Hell or Perfect Angel? Your days of dating liars, cheaters, and total scumbags are over! Here are identifying characteristics for more than 70 potential boyfriends, along with advice about who to keep and who to kick to the curb. Find out if your guy is: * Married with Children * A Cult Leader * A Player * An Extraterrestrial * Actually Twins * And Dozens More! Includes a handy index of personality traits so you can quickly decipher the hidden meaning of all your boyfriend's behaviors.From the Hardcover edition.
How to Think Like a Cat
by Stéphane GarnierLearn the secrets of being calm, cool, and charismatic with this “playful self-help guide . . . sure to please cat lovers” (Publishers Weekly).Do cats worry about retirement? Nope. Do cats do things they don’t want to do? Definitely not. Do cats rush around at all hours of the day when they’d rather be licking their paws and looking out a window? Please.Calm, free, charismatic, wise, elegant, self-assured—our beloved feline pets strut those traits that we humans spend a lifetime aspiring to. No wonder everybody wants to be more like a cat.After observing his own cat, Ziggy, for years, bestselling French author Stéphane Garnier decided he would be much happier if he could just live more like Ziggy. Closer study only confirmed his suspicion that cats have that je ne sais quoi, and he set out to share Ziggy’s innate wisdom with the world.Whether at work, at home, or in your social life, your cat can teach you how to manage stress, cultivate independence, and live life on your terms. Peppered with humorous yet inspiring tips for living a day in the life of a cat, cat secrets from Ziggy, and a quiz to assess your “cat quotient,” How to Think Like a Cat is an inspiring, humorous, and remarkably insightful guide to the subtle art of living like a feline.
How to Think Right
by Brad StineGood, clean humor about a dirty word-liberalism Watch out, blue-staters: Brad Stine is about to spoil your party. This conservative Christian comedian doesn't use profanity to get laughs, just good old-fashioned common sense. In How to Think RightHow to Think Right will come as a breath of fresh air-if only you can stop laughing.
How to Think Right
by Brad StineGood, clean humor about a dirty word--liberalism Watch out, blue-staters: Brad Stine is about to spoil your party. This conservative Christian comedian doesn't use profanity to get laughs, just good old-fashioned common sense. In How to Think Right), Stine takes aim at a host of sacred cows, delivering hilarious and insightful commentary on topics such as "How Liberals Have Created a Nation of Wusses," "How Bumper Stickers Can Teach You Religion and Science," and "Why Dangerous Toys are Good for America's Kids." For anyone who's had enough of latte-drinking, Volvo-driving, politically correct liberal America, How to Think Right will come as a breath of fresh air--if only you can stop laughing.
How to Throw a Golf Club: Learn to Throw for Distance and Accuracy
by Tom CareyClub throwing is an art! It relieves stress, burns calories and it keeps the other players on the course on their toes. So there's no need to lie, no need to be embarrassed. You're a club thrower--welcome to the club.Here's your official guide to the art of club throwing, and it includes:--Throwing clubs for distance and accuracy--Club throwing Q&A--The 20 basic throws --What to do when you're REALLY teed off
How to Toilet Train Your Cat & 61 Other Ill-Conceived Projects: And 61 Other Ill-Conceived Projects
by Bathroom Readers' InstituteFor more than 25 years, Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader has helped you learn amazing things you didn’t know (and amazing things you didn’t know you didn’t know). Now, Uncle John will show you how to do things you didn’t know how to do. . . and probably shouldn’t ever, ever, ever actually do. It’s Uncle John’s How to Toilet Train Your Cat. A new approach to survival guides and how-to books, this book provides step-by-step instructions for how to make commonplace items. If you’re expecting "how to make your own beef jerky,” think again. This book shows how the "sausage is made”--literally. Read all about: *How to make gelatin from scratch (by boiling hooves) *How to make high fructose corn syrup *How to make glue the "old-fashioned” way (from animal hides) *How to build a nuclear reactor *How to embalm a corpse *How to make prison wine *How to turn a cow into a hamburger *How to make a diamond *How to make electricity *How to remove your own appendix *And lots, lots more!
How to Train Your Dragon (The Heroic Misadventures of Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III #1)
by Cressida CowellChronicles the adventures and misadventures of Hiccup Horrendous Haddock the Third as he tries to pass the important initiation test of his Viking clan, the Tribe of the Hairy Hooligans, by catching and training a dragon.
How to Train Your Dragon: A Hero's Guide to Deadly Dragons
by Cressida CowellIt's Hiccup's birthday, but that's not going to keep him from getting into trouble. To save his dragon, Toothless, from being banished, Hiccup must sneak into the Meathead Public Library and steal the Viking's most sacred book. But the Vikings see books as a dangerous influence, and keep them locked up and under heavy guard. To save his friend, Hiccup must brave the Hairy Scary Librarian and his dreadful army of Meathead Warriors and face off against the formidable Driller-Dragons. Will he make it out and live to see his next birthday?
How to Train Your Dragon: Book 1 (How To Train Your Dragon Ser. #12)
by Cressida CowellRead the HILARIOUS books that inspired the HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON films! Hiccup Horrendous Haddock the Third is a smallish Viking with a longish name. Hiccup's father is chief of the Hairy Hooligan tribe which means Hiccup is the Hope and the Heir to the Hairy Hooligan throne - but most of the time Hiccup feels like a very ordinary boy, finding it hard to be a Hero. In the first How to Train Your Dragon book Hiccup must lead ten novices in their initiation into the Hairy Hooligan Tribe. They have to train their dragons or be BANISHED from the tribe FOR EVER!But what if Hiccup's dragon resembles an ickle brown bunny with wings? And has NO TEETH? The Seadragonus Giganticus Maximus is stirring and wants to devour every Viking on the Isle of Berk . . .Can Hiccup save the tribe - and become a Hero?How to Train Your Dragon is now a major DreamWorks franchise starring Gerard Butler, Cate Blanchett and Jonah Hill and the TV series, Riders of Berk, can be seen on CBeebies and Cartoon Network.
How to Train Your Dragon: Book 1 (How to Train Your Dragon #1)
by Cressida CowellHear the books that inspired the Dreamworks How to Train Your Dragon films.THE STORY BEGINS in the first volume of Hiccup's How to Train Your Dragon memoirs read by David Tennant... Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III, was a truly extraordinary Viking Hero. Warrior chieftain, awesome sword-fighter and amateur naturalist, he was known throughout Vikingdom as 'the Dragon Whisperer', on account of his amazing power over these terrifying beasts.But it wasn't always like that. In fact, in the beginning, Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III was the most put upon Viking you'd ever seen. Not loud enough to make himself heard at dinner with his father, Stoick the Vast; not hard enough to beat his chief rival, Snotlout, at Bashyball, the number one school sport and CERTAINLY not stupid enough to go into a cave full of dragons to find a pet...Hear the rest of Hiccup's exploits in the How to Train Your Dragon series in How to Be a Pirate, How to Speak Dragonese, How to Cheat a Dragon's Curse, How to Twist a Dragon's Tale, A Hero's Guide to Deadly Dragons, How to Ride a Dragon's Storm, How to Break a Dragon's Heart, How to Steal a Dragon's Sword, How to Seize a Dragon's Jewel, How to Betray a Dragon's Hero and How to Fight a Dragon's Fury.Check out the Hiccup website at www.howtotrainyourdragonbooks.com. It's the place to go for games, downloads, activities and sneak peeks! Read all about Hiccup and all of your favourite characters, learn to speak Dragonese and train your own dragon to do tricks!(P) Hodder Children's Books 2004