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I Got a D in Salami (Hank Zipzer, the World's Greatest Underachiever #2)
by Henry Winkler Lin Oliver Tim HeitzIt's report card day-the most dreaded day in Hank's school year. And when Hank gets his grades, they're his worst nightmare come true: a D in spelling, a D in reading, a D in math. <P><P>After school, Hank and his friends go to his mom's deli. His mom is on the prowl-she knows a report card day when she sees one. Hank tries to stall her, but she's going for his backpack. He's cornered. Hank hands the report card off to his friend Frankie, who gives it to his friend Ashley, who gives it to Robert, who puts it into a meat grinder! Hank watches as his Ds are ground into a big salami, and this particular salami is being made for a very important client. How will Hank get out of this one? <p><b> Lexile Level: 650L</b></p>
I Had a Nice Time And Other Lies...: How to find love & sh*t like that
by The BetchesThe New York Times bestselling authors of Nice Is Just a Place in France and creators of the online humor and advice phenomenon Betches.com and Instagram account @Betches explain the brutal truths of how to date like a true betch, with insights from the Head Pro.In the age of Tinder, Hinge, or any other dating app that matches you with randos, the dating game has grown complex and confusing. Cue the Betches--first, we helped you win at basically everything, and now we're going to help you win the most important battle a betch can face. Maybe you're a Delusional Dater who needs to get in touch with reality (seriously, he's just NOT that f***ing into you) or perhaps you're a TGF who needs to stop being so desperate and start playing the game. Or maybe you're just tired of swiping left and ready for the pro of your dreams to put a 15-karat diamond ring on it so you can stop pretending to do work. Either way, we've got you covered. With insight from the Betches' own Head Pro, this book is a must-have bible for any betch looking for love. So put away the Ben & Jerry's fro-yo (just because it's low fat doesn't mean it's okay to eat the whole tub) and start dating like a winner.
I Hadn't Understood (The Vincenzo Malinconico Novels #1)
by Diego De SilvaThis &“sharp-edged comedic novel of a semi-hapless Italian lawyer&” who finds himself employed by the mob was a finalist for Italy&’s prestigious Strega Prize (Kirkus Reviews). Vincenzo Malinconico is a wildly unsuccessful lawyer who spends most of his time at the office trying to look busy. His wife has left him. His teenage children worry him to death. And he suffers from a chronic inability to control his sentence structure. When he is asked to fill in as the public defender for alleged Mafioso Mimmo &’o Burzone, Malinconico seizes the opportunity to turn his life around. Without dwelling too long on what it might mean to be employed by the mob, he rushes to re-learn the Italian criminal code. Soon, Malinconico&’s life becomes a comic battle to finish what he has started without falling further into the mafia&’s clutches. Diego De Silva&’s rollicking, Naples Prize–winning comic novel orbits the irresistible mind of one of contemporary Italian fiction&’s most beloved characters. Throughout his travails, Vincenzo contemplates every aspect of the life he sees before him in a wry voice that seduces, entertains, and moves the reader from the first page to the last.
I Has a Hotdog: What Your Dog Is Really Thinking
by Professor HappycatI HAS A BWAIN!! 1! An you thawt we dint! Now Professor Happycat tells you what's in it and, from I HAS A HOTDOG. com and beyond, lets over 200 LOLdogs loose on the world, all barking the truth about kibble, toys, and bad kitties. This collection of favorites and never-before-seen photos will have you barking for more! For all you hoomins, a LOLdog is a kay-nine picture with a funny, misspelled caption.
I Hate Ann Coulter
by UnanimousBy examining her life and writings, chronicling her black Tuesday (6/6/06) Today show appearance, and reading her interviews and comments, we hope to do our part in putting her out of our lives.
I Hate Everyone
by Matthew DibenedettiIt's true: Misery does love company. But what kind of company can you keep if you can't standanyone? This kind. No matter who they are or what they do that sets you off and gets you going, you'll find 'em inside. From rich people who are dicks to guys named Rich who go by Dick to those who are always cold to people who are just hot, no one is safe. But one thing is certain--everyone will find someone they equally despise. And you're gonna love it, period.
I Hate Everyone
by Matthew DibenedettiIt's true: Misery does love company. But what kind of company can you keep if you can't stand anyone? This kind. No matter who they are or what they do that sets you off and gets you going, you'll find 'em inside. From rich people who are dicks to guys named Rich who go by Dick to those who are always cold to people who are just hot, no one is safe. But one thing is certain-everyone will find someone they equally despise. And you're gonna love it, period.
I Hate Everyone
by Matthew DibenedittiIt's true: Misery does love company. But what kind of company can you keep if you can't stand anyone? This kind. No matter who they are or what they do that sets you off and gets you going, you'll find 'em inside. From rich people who are dicks to guys named Rich who go by Dick to those who are always cold to people who are just hot, no one is safe. But one thing is certain--everyone will find someone they equally despise. And you're gonna love it, period.
I Hate Everyone, Except You
by Clinton KellyBestselling author and television host Clinton Kelly pens a hilariously candid, deliciously snarky collection of essays about his journey from awkward kid to slightly-less-awkward adult.Clinton Kelly is probably best known for teaching women how to make their butts look smaller. But in I Hate Everyone, Except You, he reveals some heretofore-unknown secrets about himself, like that he’s a finicky connoisseur of 1980s pornography, a disillusioned critic of New Jersey’s premier water parks, and perhaps the world’s least enthused high-school commencement speaker. Whether he’s throwing his baby sister in the air to jumpstart her cheerleading career or heroically rescuing his best friend from death by mud bath, Clinton leaps life’s social hurdles with aplomb. With his signature wit, he shares his unique ability to navigate the stickiest of situations, like deciding whether it’s acceptable to eat chicken wings with a fork on live television (spoiler: it’s not). Clinton delves into all these topics—and many more—in this thoroughly unabashedly frank and uproarious collection.
I Hate Everyone...Starting with Me
by Joan RiversNOW WITH NEW MATERIAL FOR THE PAPERBACK EDITION "How do I love thee? Let me count the ways." --Elizabeth Barrett Browning, 1850 "How do I hate thee? How much time do you have?" --Joan Rivers, today, about two-ish Joan Rivers, comedienne, actress, jewelry monger, and an award-winning international star (she can sneer in eight different languages) lives by the golden rule: Do unto others before they do unto you--and for God's sakes, do it funny! Her career in comedy may have begun with self-loathing, but, after looking at the decrepitude around her, she figured, "Why stop here when there are so many other things to hate?" With all of her experiences, Joan has looked down at, turned away from, and thrown up over a lot of hateful things, deplorable places, and despicable people. Thank God she took notes. Here--uncensored and uninhibited--Joan says exactly what's on her mind...And HER mind is a terrible thing to waste. She proudly kicks the crap out of ugly children, dating rituals, funerals, and lousy restaurants. She nails First Ladies, closet cases, and hypocrites to the wall. She shows no mercy towards doctors and feminists, and even goes after Anne Frank and Stephen Hawking. Joan lets everyone--including herself--have it in this one hundred percent honest and unabashedly hilarious love letter to the hater in all of us. This is absolute Joan Rivers. You gotta love her. Even if she hates you. Includes new material!
I Hate Everything
by Matthew DibenedettiI hate that I'm going bald. I hate that I still make fun of bald people.I hate karma.Amateur haters, step aside. Time to learn what it really means to be miserable. Because this guy hates everything. From hating the little irks that happen now and then (like the water that squirts out of the mustard bottle) to hating the unfortunate realities of today's world (like that superheroes don't exist . . . but villains do), Matthew DiBenedetti tells readers how he really feels. With such a variety of miserable musings, you'll find something to laugh at--and someone to loathe with--in this book.
I Hate Everything
by Matthew DibenedettiI hate that I'm going bald.I hate that I still make fun of bald people.I hate karma.Amateur haters, step aside. Time to learn what it really means to be miserable. Because this guy hates everything. From hating the little irks that happen now and then (like the water that squirts out of the mustard bottle) to hating the unfortunate realities of today's world (like that superheroes don't exist...but villains do), Matthew DiBenedetti tells readers how he really feels.With such a variety of miserable musings, you'll find something to laugh at-and someone to loathe with-in this book.
I Hate Everything.
by Matthew DibenedettiI hate that I'm going bald. I hate that I still make fun of bald people. I hate karma. Amateur haters, step aside. Time to learn what itreallymeans to be miserable. Because this guy hateseverything. From hating the little irks that happen now and then (like the water that squirts out of the mustard bottle) to hating the unfortunate realities of today's world (like that superheroes don't exist . . . but villains do), Matthew DiBenedetti tells readers how hereallyfeels. With such a variety of miserable musings, you'll find something to laugh at--and someone to loathe with--in this book.
I Hate Martin Amis et al.
by Peter BarryThis is a novel quite unlike any other: even the most avid reader will find it original and unforgettable. It has the power to shock, disgust, and appall at the same time that it amuses, intrigues, and evokes sympathy, even empathy, for its monstrous central character, an anti-hero whose frustration at not being able to publish a novel fuels his descent into a very real moral abyss. "I Hate Martin Amis et al." provides a unique perspective on one of the worst war crimes of the modern age: the siege of Sarajevo seen through the eyes of a would be author and sniper killing innocent civilians just so he can write a novel about his experience.
I Hate My Cats (A Love Story)
by Davide CaliGinger is the weird one. She plays with peas, purrs at artichokes, and has a strange fondness for chicken (but only the neighbor's chicken). Then there's Fred. His greatest talent? Sleeping. Oh, and hiding. And when he's not hiding, he's conspiring with Ginger to destroy the house! Such is life with cats. . . can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em—if you love them, that is. And yet the question remains: Why are these captivating creatures so marvelously maddening?! From internationally bestselling author Davide Cali, this humorous picture book about a cat owner and his beguiling felines celebrates quirky cat companions, impurrfections and all.
I Hate Myselfie
by Shane DawsonThe book that more than 12 million YouTube subscribers have been waiting for! Shane Dawson's memoir features twenty original essays--uncensored yet surprisingly sweet. Shane Dawson has always been an open book. From his first YouTube vlog back in 2008, to his feature film debut "Not Cool," to a cover story in Variety magazine, Shane has documented his life pre-tty thoroughly. We've seen awkward and adorable Q&As with his mom, weight loss center drama, love life details, and the all-important haircut reveal. We've seen his hilarious spoofs of Miley Cyrus, Paris Hilton, and Sarah Palin. His music videos are awesome. But in I Hate Myselfie!, fans will finally get a chance to see the real Shane through personal stories that are at once humorous and heartwarming, self-deprecating and totally inspiring. Highlighting key moments of his childhood and adolescence, through his phenomenal success on YouTube, and continuing on to his more recent experiences as an actor and director, Shane's memoir will feature the silliness and satire his fans already enjoy, but it will be even more in depth, more real, and more portable (it's a book).
I Hate Myselfie: A Collection of Essays by Shane Dawson
by Shane DawsonThe book that more than 12 million YouTube subscribers have been waiting for! Shane Dawson's memoir features twenty original essays--uncensored yet surprisingly sweet.From his first vlog back in 2008 to his full-length film directorial debut Not Cool, Shane Dawson has been an open book when it comes to documenting his life. But behind the music video spoofs, TMI love life details, and outrageous commentary on everything the celebrity and Internet world has the nerve to dish out is a guy who grew up in a financially challenged but loving home in Long Beach, California, and who suffered all the teasing and social limitations that arise when you're a morbidly obese kid with a pretty face, your mom is your best friend, and you can't get a date to save your life. In I Hate Myselfie, Shane steps away from his larger-than-life Internet persona and takes us deep into the experiences of an eccentric and introverted kid, who by observing the strange world around him developed a talent that would inspire millions of fans. Intelligent, hilarious, heartbreaking, and raw, I Hate Myselfie is a collection of eighteen personal essays about how messy life can get when you're growing up and how rewarding it can feel when the clean-up is (pretty much) done.
I Hate Reading: How to Read When You'd Rather Not
by Beth BaconI Hate Reading is a highly visual chapter book designed to help even the most reluctant reader breeze through reading time, feel successful at reading, and even laugh! Get reluctant readers reading with I Hate Reading!OK. So, you have to read for 20 minutes, but you don’t want to. Maybe your mom or dad or teacher even has a timer—yikes!If you have to read, but you don’t like reading, this book is for you! If someone’s bugging you to open a book, grab this one. In this book, you’ll zoom through 20 minutes of reading . . . without really reading!Did you know that 65% of 4th graders in the US read below grade level? Learning to read can be frustrating. But it can also be fun. I Hate Reading by Beth Bacon validates the experience of reluctant readers and rewards them with laughter.
I Hate Rules! #5
by Nancy Krulik John And WendyKatie Carew (nicknamed Katie Kazoo by the class bully) always wished that she could be anyone but herself. Now her wish has come true - and she keeps turning into other people! When Katie gets caught breaking the rules, first passing a note, and later with a cell phone (that isn't even her's!), she loses her recess for the day. She's had it with the school rules! When she turns into the principal, Mr. Kane, she makes a new rule - that there are no rules! Things get out of hand and Katie turns back into herself before she can fix things. The real Mr. Kane loses his job because the parents and teachers are so angry. Will Katie be able to make things right and get Mr. Kane his job back? Illustrated by John and Wendy.
I Hate This Place: The Pessimist's Guide to Life
by Jimmy Fallon Gloria FallonFrom the Grammy-nominated star of Saturday Night Live and his equally talented sister comes a hysterically cynical look at life through a glass half empty. I Hate This Place is the book for anyone who's ever tired of crossing to the sunny side of the street, looking for that elusive pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, or reading self-help books that are meant to bring peace and prosperity. Guaranteed to shatter illusions, extinguish all hope, and keep the jaded and the disgruntled laughing all the way, it is filled with such daily 'affirmations' as 'If you don't have anything nice to say, welcome to the club,' and advice like 'Knock, and the door shall be slammed in your face.' Rife with the wit and wisdom of Jimmy Fallon and his sister Gloria, this book promises to tickle the funny bone of the pessimist in everyone.
I Hate Yoga: And Why You'll Hate to Love it Too
by Paul McQuillan&“It&’s pretty humbling to have a yoga guru call out our most common mistakes. Expect lots of laughs throughout this easy read.&” —Chatelaine, &“Six Yoga Books to Brighten Your Day&” In a cathartic journey from yoga-hate to yoga-love, I Hate Yoga explores why yoga has become so controversial in Western society, all the while growing in popularity. Social media, religion, a bad boy guru, yoga competitions and other unlikely bedmates are humorously and conscientiously exposed in this thoughtful look at the world of yoga today. You&’ll find yourself shocked, tickled, and perhaps even transformed as author Paul McQuillan takes you through a maze of dissent and praise—ultimately enabling you to arrive at your own surprising and unlikely conclusion. You&’ll want to put this book down, but only to go to yoga and begin your own love/hate relationship. &“It&’s refreshing to read a book that not only unabashedly explores the problems with yoga today, but also offers up some clear solutions to those issues. The end result is that we all benefit—yogis and non-yogis alike—from a message of laugh-out-loud wisdom.&” —Measha Brueggergosman, international opera star/avid yogi &“Even if you think you have no interest in yoga, you&’re going to love this book, because it&’s about the life journey that we&’re all on! With wit and honesty and a refreshing lack of pretention, Paul McQuillan doesn&’t just tell it like it is, he tells it like it could be. Take a deep breath, open to page 1, read. It could change your life. No kidding.&” —Toronto Star
I Hate You More
by Lucy GilmoreDiscover what makes Lucy Gilmore an instant fan favorite with this unforgettably funny enemies-to-lovers romcom starring:a grumpy dog show judgea determined former beauty queenand a Golden Retriever more interested in stealing bacon than winning Best in Show.Ruby Taylor gave up pageant life the day she turned eighteen and figured she'd never look back. But when an old friend begs her to show beloved Golden Retriever Weezy at the upcoming Canine Classic, Ruby doggedly straps on her heels and gets to work.If only she knew exactly what the adorably lazy lump of a dog was getting her into.If there's one thing veterinarian Spencer Wilson knows in this world, it's dogs. Human beings are a different story. Especially gorgeous women clearly in way over their heads. As judge for the local dog show, Spencer advises Ruby to quit while she still can, but her old fervor for winning has returned—and she wants to show the stern, broody-eyed judge that she's more than just a pretty face. In the end, she'll show him who's best in show."AS APPEALING AS A PUPPY."—Publishers Weekly STARRED for Puppy Christmas
I Hate You, I Love You
by Elizabeth HayleyThere’s a fine line between love and hate. And these two can’t decide which side they’re really on. . . . Poetry professor Naomi Price is loved by her students, happily works around the clock, and has credentials no one could deny. Except, it seems, for her arch-nemesis at Hainamor University. The man never has anything polite to say, and now the two of them are competing for a prestigious honor that just so happens to come with a cash award. With every move Naomi makes to impress her colleagues, her rival is right there beside her, elbow to elbow, making it impossible to ignore how devastatingly hot he is—even if he is a total bastard. Sebastian Blake knows what Naomi thinks of him, and he’s trying hard not to care. Maybe he’s been grouchy with her in the past, but she isn’t making his life any easier with her crusade to win over the Personnel Committee and earn an honor that is rightfully his. Naomi just doesn’t quit, and though he’d never admit it, there’s something sexy about her. Something that has him tied up in knots. Something that makes him want to move beyond his painful past and take a chance—at least for as long as it takes to kiss her silly and see what happens next.Warning: Intense bickering leads to intense sexual chemistry! This ebook includes an excerpt from another Loveswept title.Advance praise for I Hate You, I Love You“With smart, plucky heroines and the swoon-worthy men who fall for them, Elizabeth Hayley never disappoints!”—#1 New York Times bestselling author Meredith Wild “Every time I open an Elizabeth Hayley book, it’s a moment of excitement. I know I’m going to get every important feel on my list—sighs, swoons, laughter, love—in a tale I won’t be able to put down. Smart, sexy, bold, and brilliant—Elizabeth Hayley brings it all to the page! I worship their mad storytelling skills!”—USA Today bestselling author Angel Payne
I Hate Your Guts
by Jim NortonWhen New York Times bestselling author and comedian Jim Norton isn't paying for massages with happy endings, or pretending to be fooled by transsexuals he picks up, he spends his time wondering what certain people would look like on fire... What do Heather Mills, the Reverend Al Sharpton, and Dr. Phil have in common? Jim Norton hates their guts. And he probably hates yours, too, especially if you're a New York Yankee, Starbucks employee, or Steve Martin. In thirty-five hilarious essays, New York Times bestselling author and comedian Jim Norton spews bile on the people he loathes. Enjoy his blistering attacks on Derek Jeter, Hillary Clinton, fatso Al Roker, and mush-mouthed Jesse Jackson. It's utterly hilarious -- and utterly relatable if you've ever bitten a stranger's face or thrown a bottle through the TV screen while watching the news. But don't think Jim just dishes loads of shit on his self-proclaimed enemies; he is equally atrocious to himself. He savages himself for his humiliating days as a white homeboy, his balletlike spins in the outfield during a little league game, and his embarrassingly botched attempt at a celebrity shout-out while taping his new HBO stand-up series. Uncomfortably honest, I Hate Your Guts is probably the best example of emotional vomiting you'll ever read. But there is hope; at the end of each essay, Jim generously offers helpful suggestions as to how the offender can make things right again: Eliot Spitzer: If you run for re-election, instead of shaking hands with voters, let them smell your fingers. Reverend Al Sharpton: The next time you feel the need to protest, do so dressed as an elk in Ted Nugent's backyard. Hillary Clinton: When you absolutely must make a point of laughing publicly, don't fake it. Just think of something that genuinely makes you laugh, like lowering taxes or any random male having his penis cut off. For the legions of devoted fans who know Jim Norton for his raw, sometimes brutal comedy, I Hate Your Guts is what you've been waiting for. But even more important -- it's a great book to read while taking a shit.
I Hate to Complain, But...
by Jim FosterIt is rare that one can pick up a book and find all the answers to the problems of Life. Yet in this one book, we find these answers, and learn a few more things that will keep us up at night. What really happened when Mike Harris woke up after emergency surgery in a hospital still smarting from budget cuts? Why did Linda Tripp turn on Bill Clinton? How many people knew that after the Manhattan Project, the world’s leading scientists gathered at Jane Russell’s house to devise the strapless bra?This is a book for everyone: it’s an exercise program for the not-too-ambitious senior, a step-by-step guide for the teenage lad on his first date, an advice column for the young spinster who, at the ripe old age of 22, is still trying to find a first-class man.We listen in as two American broadcasters cover the Olympic Games as only Americans can.We learn that even the big guns at the TSE were unaware of the biggest corporate takeover in history when S Claus Corp seized control of its philanthropic rival, EasterBunCo.Yet, for all its humour, the book still brings us close to tears as the author reveals the tragedy of his thirty-year love affair with Sophia Loren.If Shakespeare were alive today, he would read this book?