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Idiots: Marriage, Motherhood, Milk & Mistakes

A fresh, hilarious, and relatable collection of essays about everything from motherhood and marriage to sobriety and work-life balance (or imbalance) from the nationally bestselling author of the &“honest, complicated&” (SheKnows) Idiot.TRIGGER WARNING: TORN EVERYTHING! In her first book, Idiot, bestselling author Laura Clery gave us mind-blowingly personal life stories about addiction, toxic relationships, and recovery—establishing herself as the preeminent voice of infinite conviction meets zero impulse control. Here she is two kids later asking, &“How did we get here?&” Sex. Sex is how we got here. Laura&’s life has changed a great deal since she wrote Idiot, but her hilarious candor has only increased with motherhood—plus she tells some of the stories she was too scared to tell in her first book (which is really saying something). In Idiots, Laura shares more than anyone ever asked for about: -Mucus plugs, vacuum extraction, and adult diapers -Dousing doulas, VagTime, and pelvic organ prolapse -Vaginismus, laxative overdose, and accidental lactivism -Placenta pills, mom brain, and vibrator manifestation -Nipple-twisting orgies and flinging a butt burrito in your doctor&’s face -ADHD, autism, postpartum depression, and the wisdom of a ninety-eight-year-old sage named Anne -Unsolicited dick, sexual assault, and sister-drugging -Stephen&’s cheating, Laura&’s cheating, fights, and forgiveness -Choosing love over fear and healing the world Laura does not hold back when it comes to sharing stories of screw-ups, triumphs, and learning from her mistakes. Whether she&’s crying into a diaper in a Whole Foods parking lot or desperately soliciting advice from a random elderly stranger (who has most certainly considered a restraining order), Laura is able to laugh at herself even during her worst moments—more important, she makes us laugh, cry, and feel less alone in the world.

Idiots: Marriage, Motherhood, Milk and Mistakes

As a busy mum with a newborn and a toddler, viral sensation Laura Clery has plenty to say about the ups and downs of pregnancy, childbirth, and being the best mum she can be while also balancing career success, sobriety, marriage and creativity. With her engaging and witty voice, she pulls back the curtain on all aspects of her offbeat life, including dealing with addiction and virtual AA meetings during a pandemic and maintaining healthy relationships with her son, daughter, husband, and most importantly, herself. Laura&’s life has changed a great deal since she wrote Idiot, but what hasn&’t changed is her ability to celebrate the laugh-out-loud moments of everyday life and share the tough times with humour, honesty and heart.

Idle Ideas in 1905

Idle Ingredients: A Sin du Jour Affair

"Hilarious, raucous — and leaves you literally hungry." —The Washington PostCatering for a charismatic motivational speaker, the staff of the Sin du Jour catering agency find themselves incapacitated by a force from within their ranks. A smile and a promise is all it took.And for some reason, only the men are affected. It’s going to take cunning, guile and a significant amount of violence to resolve.Another day of cupcakes and evil with your favorite demonic caterers. Idle Ingredients is the fourth Sin du Jour Affair by Matt Wallace.At the Publisher's request, this title is being sold without Digital Rights Management Software (DRM) applied.

Idle Thoughts of an Idle Fellow

Idle Thoughts of an Idle Fellow is a collection of humorous essays by Jerome K. Jerome. It was the author's second published book and it helped establish him as a leading English humorist.

Idénticas y opuestas (Karina & Marina #Volumen 1)

¡Llegan las gemelas más opuestas del mundo! ALERTA MÁXIMA:¡A Marina le han robado SU DIARIO! Y no solo contiene los pasos para la coreografía PERFECTA, también guarda algo aún más importante: ¡¡¡TODOS SUS SECRETOS!!! KARINA es la SOSPECHOSA número UNO, pero también es la ÚNICA que, gracias a su popularidad, puede ayudarla a descubrir quién es el verdadero culpable. ¿Serán capaces de unir sus fuerzas las gemelas más idénticas y opuestas?

Idénticas y opuestas (Karina & Marina #Volumen 1)

¡Llegan las gemelas más opuestas del mundo! ALERTA MÁXIMA:¡A Marina le han robado SU DIARIO! Y no solo contiene los pasos para la coreografía PERFECTA, también guarda algo aún más importante: ¡¡¡TODOS SUS SECRETOS!!! KARINA es la SOSPECHOSA número UNO, pero también es la ÚNICA que, gracias a su popularidad, puede ayudarla a descubrir quién es el verdadero culpable. ¿Serán capaces de unir sus fuerzas las gemelas más idénticas y opuestas?

If All the Animals Came Inside

The walls would tremble. The dishes would break.Oh, what a terrible mess we would make! If all the animals came inside, bears would run down the stairs, kangaroos would bounce on the couch, and hippos would play hide-and-seek through the halls! Join one family's wild romp as animals of all shapes and sizes burst through the front door and make themselves right at home.Extraordinary collage artwork from beloved illustrator Marc Brown (Arthur series) pairs with Eric Pinder's hilarious rhyming verse to make this the perfect book to read aloud again and again.<P><P> Advisory: Bookshare has learned that this book offers only partial accessibility. We have kept it in the collection because it is useful for some of our members. To explore further access options with us, please contact us through the Book Quality link on the right sidebar. Benetech is actively working on projects to improve accessibility issues such as these.

If Dinosaurs Had Hair

This laugh-out-loud picture book by Dan Marvin, with tongue-in-cheek art by Lesley Vamos, is an irreverent exploration of what it might've looked like if dinosaurs had lusciously stylized 'dos.What if dinosaurs had . . . hair?Curled, crimped, feathered, and permed, this book imagines the wealth of colors, styles, and hair textures the Jurassic Period might have had to offer. As well as their epic hair warfare.But as with any great battle, one hairstyle must have risen above the rest—one that literally blew these dinosaurs away . . .Author Dan Marvin has crafted a hilariously escalating story that begs to be reread, and illustrator Lesley Vamos brings eye-catching dynamic color and personality to this picture book. If Dinosaurs Had Hair brings the dinosaurs back to life in full color.

If Harry Met Sally Again: the perfect feel-good romantic comedy

The perfect feel-good romantic comedy - When Harry Met Sally for the 21st centuryCan you write your own happy ending...?When Nina discovers her boyfriend in bed with another woman, she decides it's finally time to channel the spirit of her idol, Nora Ephron, and become the heroine of her own life.Her sequel to the most beloved romcom of all time - If Harry Met Sally - has been gathering dust in her desk drawer for years, but her best friend Astrid convinces her that this is the perfect moment to finish her script and make it as the Hollywood screenwriter she always wanted to be.There's nothing standing between Nina and her dream - apart from cynical film producers, her parents' mid-life crises, Astrid's turbulent marriage, and Ben, her utterly infuriating co-writer... As her life becomes ever more complicated, Nina must choose between seizing her chance of success, and staying true to what she's always wanted - for Harry, Sally and herself. It seems like happy endings are hard to come by, even when you're writing the script... Hilarious and heartwarming, this is the perfect romantic read for fans of Sophie Kinsella and Mhairi McFarlane, and everyone who loves When Harry Met Sally and You've Got Mail.

If Harry Met Sally Again: the perfect feel-good romantic comedy

Can you write your own happy ending...?Nina Gillespie has learned to settle. True, her dreams of being a Hollywood scriptwriter are somewhat on hold, her sequel to the most beloved rom com of all time - If Harry Met Sally - is gathering dust in her desk drawer, and her long-term relationship has lost a bit of spark. She might live and breathe Nora Ephron films, but life isn't like a romantic comedy, is it? But when she discovers her boyfriend in bed with another woman, Nina is determined to become the heroine of her own life and finally finish her screenplay. There's nothing standing between her and the New York brownstone she's always dreamed of - apart from cynical Hollywood producers, her best friend's turbulent marriage, and Ben, her utterly infuriating co-writer... As the film, and her own feelings, become ever more complicated, Nina must choose between seizing her chance of success, and staying true to what she's always wanted - for Harry, Sally and herself. It turns out that happy endings are hard to come by, even when you're writing the script... Charming, feel-good and a love letter to the wit and warmth of Nora Ephron, this is the perfect romantic read!

If Henry Could Dance

Everyone in Henry’s family can dance, except him! No matter how hard he tries, he just can’t get it. If only he could enter the dance competition with the rest of his family! But what happens when he accidentally sits on top of an ant hill? Will his moves be good enough to win the competition?

If I Ever Get Back to Georgia, I'm Gonna Nail My Feet to the Ground

Funny, sad, outrageous, irresistible, and unforgettably true, here is Lewis Grizzard's one-way, non-stop climb to the top of the newspaper heap. Of course, along the way, he drove a train and was a preacher, but the one and only life for this self-proclaimed Promising Young Man from Georgia was that of the ink-stained, stop-the-presses, honest-to-gosh newspaperman. This is his story. Other books by Lewis Grizzard are available in this library.

If I Get Hit By a Bus Tomorrow, Here's How to Replace the Toilet Paper Roll

With this delightful, tongue-in-cheek guide for men who can win a case before the Supreme Court or run a conglomerate but can't find the butter, Ms. McHugh provides a step-by-step guide for making breakfast, emptying the dishwasher, finding the clothes hamper and doing the laundry, along with an assortment of other domestic necessities.She continues with wise advice for men whose wives are pregnant-"How to Live with a Pregnant Wife Without Complaining about Anything While Making Her Feel Sexy and Desirable At All Times", tells them how to go without sleep for three months after the baby is born, and finishes up with "How to Watch Football and the Baby at the Same Time."A chapter on taking care of three small boys while staying sane should be on every young father's emergency list for times when his wife is out of town on business or visiting her mother in Iowa.And finally, instructions on answering a ringing telephone, folding shirts for a business trip and finding his wallet, keys, glasses, socks and underwear are absolute must-reads for every man who thinks some invisible being does all those things.Aimed at busy women of all ages, this book will also make grown men laugh and might even be useful when they run out of underwear.

If I Ignore It, It Will Go Away: And Other Lies I Thought Were True

Have you ever thought… My daughter will take care of the dog… I can keep house like my mother-in-law… I’ll never dothatagain… Not only has author Marsha Marks believed the lies many of us hear and tell on a daily basis–she’s willing to talk about them! Tickling the funny bone to get to the heart, Marks shares the real truths she’s discovered behind everyday lies. Here you’ll enjoy heavenly advice woven into hilarious stories as Marks offers a good dose of reality in a way you’ve never heard it before.

If I Knew Then: Finding wisdom in failure and power in aging

Jann Arden--bestselling author, recording artist and late-blooming TV star--is back with this funny, heartfelt and fierce memoir on becoming a woman of a certain age. The power, gravity and freedom she's found at fifty-seven are superpowers she believes all of us can unleash.Digging deep into her strengths, her failures and her losses, Jann Arden brings us an inspiring account of how she has surprised herself, in her fifties, by at last becoming completely her own person. Like many women, it took Jann a long time to realize that trying to be pleasing and likeable and beautiful in the eyes of others was a loser's game. Letting it rip, and damning the consequences, is not only liberating, it's a hell of a lot of fun: "Being the age I am--that so many women are--is just the best time of my life." Jann weaves her own story together with tales of her mother, grandmother, and great grandmother, and the father she came close to hating, to show her younger self--and all of us--that fear and avoidance is no way to live. "What I'm thinking about now aren't all the ways I can try to hang on to my youth or all the seconds ticking by in some kind of morbid countdown to death," she writes, "but rather how I keep becoming someone I always hoped I could be. If I'm lucky one day a very old face will look back at me from the mirror, a face I once shied away from. I will love that old woman ferociously, because she has finally figured out how to live a life of purpose--not in spite of but because of all her mistakes and failures."

If I Knew the Way, I Would Take You Home

A KISS cover-band leader pondering a fertility-driven criminal act, a boy watching his hair-metal dad search for love on reality TV, a quiet teenage metalhead stumbling into her own voice while trailing her former roadie father#151;these are the characters seeking resolution, tempering expectations, and occasionally finding grace and the dignity and strength to go on. Dave Housley's collection examines the quiet desperation and occasional triumphs of growing up and growing older through the prism of music. Dave Housley's work has appeared in Hobart, Mid-American Review, Nerve, and elsewhere. A founding editor of Barrelhouse Magazine, this is his third book.

If I Never Met You: A Novel

Bestselling author Mhairi McFarlane returns with another heartfelt romantic comedy perfect for fans of Josie Silver, Sophie Kinsella, or Sally Thorne.One of Shondaland's 5 Must-Read Books for March!If faking love is this easy... how do you know when it’s real? When her partner of over a decade suddenly ends things, Laurie is left reeling—not only because they work at the same law firm and she has to see him every day. Her once perfect life is in shambles and the thought of dating again in the age of Tinder is nothing short of horrifying. When news of her ex’s pregnant girlfriend hits the office grapevine, taking the humiliation lying down is not an option. Then a chance encounter in a broken-down elevator with the office playboy opens up a new possibility. Jamie Carter doesn’t believe in love, but he needs a respectable, steady girlfriend to impress their bosses. Laurie wants a hot new man to give the rumor mill something else to talk about. It’s the perfect proposition: a fauxmance played out on social media, with strategically staged photographs and a specific end date in mind. With the plan hatched, Laurie and Jamie begin to flaunt their new couple status, to the astonishment—and jealousy—of their friends and colleagues. But there’s a fine line between pretending to be in love and actually falling for your charming, handsome fake boyfriend...

If I Ran The School

Homework Would Be Fun... If Your Teacher Assigned This Book as Required Reading! If you've ever considered playing sick, had a hard time getting started on your homework, thought your teacher was on your case, or wondered how many days were left until summer vacation, this collection of funny school poems is for you. Bruce Lansky has written five new poems for this book and selected nineteen others from some of his favorite poets, including Jack Prelutsky, Kenn Nesbitt, Ted Scheu, and Robert Pottle.

If I Ran the Circus (Classic Seuss)

Dr. Seuss's classic celebration of youthful imagination! The Circus McGurkus! The World's Greatest Show On the face of the earth, or wherever you go! Young Morris McGurk's has a BIG imagination. He wants to turn the vacant lot behind Sneelock's Store into the Circus McGurkus—the most colossal, stupendous, tremendous show in the world! Here you'll be entertained by bizarre creatures like the Drum-Tummied Snum, the Juggling Jott, and the Harp-Twanging Snarp, and fantastic circus acts performed by Sneelock—a sleepy shop keeper whom Morris images as the daredevil star of his big top! This is Dr. Seuss at his best, celebrating youthful imagination and creating a fantasy world that will delight and transport readers of all ages.

If I Ran the Circus: Read & Listen Edition (Classic Seuss)

Step right up for Dr. Seuss&’s classic rhyming picture-book tale of young Morris McGurk&’s big circus dreams. This circus has more than a mere lion tamer and trapeze artist! At the Circus McGurkus, you&’ll be intrigued by the wink-hooded Hoodwink, terrified by the Spotted Atrocious, and amazed by the daring feats of the great Sneelock. And these are just a few of the astonishing things you&’ll find under this big top. Told with the humor and originality that are synonymous with Dr. Seuss, If I Ran the Circus is a crowd-pleasing showstopper!This Read & Listen edition contains audio narration.

If I Stopped Haunting You

"If you're in the mood for a steamy enemies-to-lovers romance but also a chilling haunted-house horror, GET YOU A BOOK THAT CAN DO BOTH! I blazed through this book in one sitting because I just couldn't wait to find out what would happen next!" - Alicia Thompson, USA Today bestselling author of With Love, from Cold WorldAn enemies to lovers romance where two feuding writers end up on a writers retreat together at a haunted castle in Scotland...It's been months since horror author Penelope Skinner threw a book at Neil Storm. But he was so infuriating, with his sparkling green eyes and his bestselling horror novels that claimed to break Native stereotypes. And now she’s a publishing pariah and hasn’t been able to write a word since. So when her friend invites her on a too-good-to-be-true writers retreat in a supposedly haunted Scottish castle, she seizes the opportunity. Of course, some things really are too good to be true.Neil wants nothing less than to be trapped in a castle with the frustratingly adorable woman who threw a book at him. She drew blood! Worse still, she unleashed a serious case of self-doubt! Neil is terrified to write another bestselling “book without a soul,” as Pen called it. All Neil wants is to find inspiration, while completely avoiding her.But as the retreat begins, Pen and Neil are stunned to find themselves trapped in a real-life ghost story. Even more horrifying, they’re stuck together and a truly shocking (extremely hot) almost-kiss has left them rethinking their feelings, and… maybe they shouldn’t have been enemies at all? But if they can’t stop the ghosts pursuing them, they may never have the chance to find out.Full of spooky chills and even more sexy thrills, If I Stopped Haunting You by Colby Wilkens is the funny, fast-paced romp romance readers have been waiting for!"I didn't realize I needed a romance book married to cozy horror but now I'm wondering where this particular mashup has been all my life. Can't wait to read the next!" - Jessica Clare, New York Times bestselling author

If I Told You, I'd Have to Kiss You: A Novel

Mr. and Mrs. Smith meets The Pairing in this heart-racing romance of secrets, spies, and steam.A few rules for the international superspy:(1) Never blow your cover.(2) Never accept the first plan.(3) Never fall for anyone at the agency. Especially if she’s your ex-girlfriend.Yardley Whitmer, code name “the Unicorn,” can do no wrong. She’s honed her spycraft and become an instant legend in the field. If only breaking up with her girlfriend were as easy as rappelling off the Eiffel Tower. Living a full-time cover story has slowly eroded her relationship until there’s nothing left but lies. KC “Tabasco” Nolan, hacker extraordinaire, can crack any code—except the one that would tell her the right moment to confess her secret job to Yardley. Now it’s too late, and she’s in danger of losing the best chance at love she’s ever had. When an undercover shakedown goes wrong, Yardley and KC discover the unbelievable truth—that they’ve both been working at the agency for years. To salvage the mission, they partner up and fly across oceans, race through winding European streets, and give in to inconvenient passion while hiding in an ambassador’s linen closet. But can they throw away their rules and fight through their secrets to fall in love with each other’s true selves?

If It Fits, I Sits: Cats in Awkward Places

Anyone who has met a cat knows how much they enjoy squeezing themselves into weird places and uncomfortable-looking positions.Will we ever know why?Probably not.Featuring over 100 photos of cats and kittens, and the sarcastic comments we know they would make if they decided to communicate with humans beyond meowing, IF IT FITS, I SITS celebrates the simple truth that if it fits... they'll sits.

If It Makes You Happy

Grab your favorite fall candle, cuddle into a comfy blanket, and travel back in time to 1997 in this cozy, slow-burn romance set in the autumn glow of small-town Vermont.My new next-door neighbor seems to have everything figured out. Small town golden boy? Check. Single dad extraordinaire? Check. Hot baker forearms? I didn&’t notice them, I swear.I, on the other hand, don&’t–at all–have anything figured out. Trust me, I didn&’t think taking over my mom&’s dream bed and breakfast in Copper Run Vermont was going to be easy. It should be a good place to heal after my divorce. But apparently my scones belong in the garbage with my small talk skills. As pointed out by none other than Cliff.Cliff is inescapable. He knows exactly what people need–always. His charm, the way he wears flannel, and even his pastries, make not wanting to be friends with Cliff and his daughters pretty hard.Friends? I can make friends. That&’s safe. Except I&’m leaving in three months to pass the inn off to my little sister and get the promotion in Seattle I&’ve been working towards. So ask me why I&’m thinking about kissing my hot neighbor.