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I Now Pronounce You Someone Else
by Erin McCahanThe teen-girl fascination with weddings comes to fiction in this hilarious debut, as 17-year-old Bronwen Oliver plots her escape from her family . . . by marrying into someone else's.Here Comes the Bride -- If She Can Pass Chemistry.Seventeen-yaer-old Bronwen Oliver has a secret: She's really Phoebe, the lost daughter of the loving Lilywhite family. That's the only way to explain her cold, manipulative mother, distant stepfather, and good-for-nothing brother: Bronwen must have been switched at birth, and she can't wait to get back to her real family.Then she meets Jared. He's sweet, funny, everything she wants - and he has the family Bronwen has always wanted too. When he proposes fourth months after they meet, she says yes. But as the wedding day approaches, Bronwen begins to wonder if Jared is truly what she needs. And if he's not, she has to ask: What would Phoebe Lilywhite do?
I Only Roast the Ones I Love
by Jeffrey RossJeffrey Ross is one of the world's most foremost practitioners of insult comedy. Having escaped from his family's kosher catering business, he spent years in the comedy circuit and mastered his craft of delivering hilarious and often offensive insults. Mixing silliness and sincerity, Ross explains the overall history of the roast and explains the art of delivering a stream of "festive abuse" while eliciting laughs. Taking readers on an entertaining journey through his own career, he shares roasts straight from the Friar's Club and the ever popular Comedy Central television events and provides a narrative of his favorite roasts of friends and family, including: Flava Flav: "You really are the ugliest man in America. I mean, how do you roast charcoal?" William Shatner: "Man, you have really let yourself boldly go. If Scotty tried to beam you up now you' d break the f*n' transporter." Courtney Love: "Courtney Love, you're like the girl next door...if you happen to live next to a Methadone clinic." Featuring tips on timing, what's going too far, and dealing with hecklers, Ross shows readers how to channel their inner roastmaster--and emphasizes the all-important Friars' Club motto: We only roast the ones we love.
I Owe You One (Orca Young Readers)
by Natalie HydeAfter almost drowning in a swollen creek, Wes wonders if what his friend Zach says is true: Wes owes a life debt to the old lady who rescued him. It doesn't help that Wes keeps hearing his dead father's voice saying things like, "A man pays his debts, Wes," and "A man always treats a woman with respect, Wes." But how does a guy go about paying back a life debt anyway? And what if it involves a transmission tower, an ice-cream truck and a few sticks of dynamite?
I Owe You One: A Novel
by Sophie Kinsella<p>From #1 New York Times bestselling author Sophie Kinsella, an irresistible story of love and empowerment about a young woman with a complicated family, a handsome man who might be “the one,” and an IOU that changes everything <p>Fixie Farr has always lived by her father’s motto: “Family first.” But since her dad passed away, leaving his charming housewares store in the hands of his wife and children, Fixie spends all her time picking up the slack from her siblings instead of striking out on her own. The way Fixie sees it, if she doesn’t take care of her father’s legacy, who will? It’s simply not in her nature to say no to people. <p>So when a handsome stranger in a coffee shop asks her to watch his laptop for a moment, Fixie not only agrees—she ends up saving it from certain disaster. Turns out the computer’s owner is an investment manager. To thank Fixie for her quick thinking, Sebastian scribbles an IOU on a coffee sleeve and attaches his business card. But Fixie laughs it off—she’d never actually claim an IOU from a stranger. Would she? <p>Then Fixie’s childhood crush, Ryan, comes back into her life and his lack of a profession pushes all of Fixie’s buttons. She wants nothing for herself—but she’d love Seb to give Ryan a job. And Seb agrees, until the tables are turned once more and a new series of IOUs between Seb and Fixie—from small favors to life-changing moments—ensues. Soon Fixie, Ms. Fixit for everyone else, is torn between her family and the life she really wants. Does she have the courage to take a stand? Will she finally grab the life, and love, she really wants?</p> <P><b>A New York Times Bestseller</b>
I Put a Spell on You: From the Files of Chrissie Woodward, Spelling Bee Detective
by Adam SelzerCome spelling bee season, the tiny town of Preston erupts in excitement: the bee is televised, and is the hottest ticket in town. This year, an assortment of sixth-grade miscreants is going for the top prize: Jennifer, an over scheduled free spirit whose parents are obsessed with her college applications; Mutual, a previously home-schooled outsider who's enrolled in public school for the first time in order to participate in the bee; Harlan, the class clown who has spectacular plans for making the most of his time in the spotlight; and Chrissie, the constant observer, who suspects something is off at the bee and will stop at nothing to get to the truth. Principal Floren is acting shady to everyone--but, as he insists, "I am not a crook. "
I Put a Spell on You
by Adam SelzerCOME SPELLING BEE season, the tiny town of Preston erupts in excitement: the bee is televised, and the hottest ticket in town. This year, an assortment of sixth-grade miscreants is going for the top prize: Jennifer, an overscheduled free spirit whose parents are obsessed with her college applications; Mutual, a previously home-schooled outsider who's enrolled in public school for the first time in order to participate in the bee; Harlan, the class clown who has spectacular plans for making the most of his time in the spotlight; and Chrissie, the constant observer, who suspects something is off at the bee and will stop at nothing to get to the truth. Principal Floren is acting shady to everyone—but, as he insists, “I am not a crook. ” From the Hardcover edition.
I ragazzi alla moda portano gli occhiali
by Fasoli Lara Teddy O'MalleyMandy Harper, una delle ragazze più cattive della storia, comanda a bacchetta la scuola: è lei a decidere chi è alla moda e chi no. Questo finché Kayla Littlebe non inizia a mettersi contro di lei. Mandy scopre però di dover iniziare a portare gli occhiali. Riuscirà a rimanere al comando o i nuovi occhiali la aiuteranno a vedere gli errori che sta commettendo? Alcune delle lezioni insegnate da quest'avventura: Amicizia L'importanza di essere gentili con gli altri Difendere gli altri Non giudicare un libro dalla copertina
I Rant, Therefore I Am
by Dennis MillerDennis Miller first gained national acclaim as the wise-guy anchor of "Weekend Update" on "Saturday Night Live." When HBO premiered his weekly talk show in April 1994, both critics and fans enthusiastically agreed: "Dennis Miller Live" was the most refreshing talk show on television. The accolades have continued to pour in. In September 1994, Dennis and his staff won an Emmy Award for writing and have been regularly nominated since. When he takes the stage, the audience demands, "The rants, the rants, the rants," and once again, Dennis Miller delivers the goods. Fans of his smart, quirky, irreverent style of humor are in for another treat-this set of rants is even funnier than the last two rounds.
I Really Didn't Think This Through: Tales from My So-Called Adult Life
by Beth EvansLike Mindy Kaling meets Hyperbole and a Half, I Really Didn’t Think This Through gets at the heart of what makes life both so challenging and so joyful—figuring out how to be a person in the world. Did you ever wish your best friend—the person you would trust with your innermost secrets, the person whose wisdom and comfort you seek in times of stress or self-doubt—could draw?Armed with her beloved illustrations, popular Instagram artist Beth Evans tackles a range of issues—from whimsical musings to deeply personal struggles—in this imaginative anti-guide to being your own person.This book is a compendium of Beth’s collected wisdom and stories, interwoven with her tremendously popular and loveable illustrations. The book is a wonderful mix of fun (playful meditations on the band Rush and international pen-pals) and thoughtful (Beth delves into her personal history with obsessive compulsive disorder and depression while commiserating on topics like dating and credit card shame) all with a simple candor that anyone from a teen to their grandparent can relate to. Through all of her experiences, Beth manages to extract valuable lessons, and the book is replete with friendly advice about caring for yourself, getting help no matter what your problems are, and embracing what makes you happy. Beth is a compelling storyteller, her drawings picking up where her words leave off, creating an approachable and immersive experience for the reader. Beth’s work feels like a hug from your best friend. And like a best friend, she’s here to say “You got this!”
I Really Dig Pizza!: A Mystery! (An Archie & Reddie Book #1)
by Candy JamesElephant & Piggie meets Narwhal and Jelly in this hilarious new early-reader graphic novel series about Archie & Reddie, two fox friends who have wild fun! In this first book, Archie finds a cheesy treat in the forest and tries to keep it a secret—until Reddie comes along, ready to solve an irresistible mystery!When Archie stumbles upon a gift-wrapped pizza in the forest, he wonders who would possibly leave a perfectly good treat just lying around? So he does the only sensible thing and buries it so he can dig it up later for dinner! But with tummy rumbling, Archie discovers Reddie is trying to solve a mystery. It seems she's found a pile of dirt and wants to get to the bottom of it! Will Archie attempt to derail her investigation? You bet! But will he also ultimately fess up and share the cheesy goodness with Reddie? And who left that present in the forest anyway? It's all a mystery, and you'll have to read to find out what happens!
I Really Want the Cake (Digital Read Along Edition) (Unabridged edition)
by Simon PhilipFor fans of laugh-out-loud, mischievous storytime favorites like Pig the Pug, No, David!, and Dragons Love Tacos comes a deliciously funny story about trying to resist one of life's biggest temptations... CAKE!Everyone knows the feeling. First you smell it, then you see it...CAKE!It's on the table standing there, you cannot help but stop and stare.The icing looks like such a treat, it smells so chocolatey and sweet!And before long...YOU REALLY WANT THE CAKE. This deliciously funny story chronicles the battle of one little girl who tries, with all her might, to resist her greatest temptation: cake. Readers join our spunky, mischievous, and charming heroine and her devoted side-kick pup as the temptation mounts, and a little lick becomes a bite. With bouncing rhyming text from Simon Philip and bold, expressive illustrations from Lucia Gaggiotti, this story playfully tackles all-important themes of impulse control, truth-telling, and making amends (or at least trying to), with humor, authenticity, and heart. Including a recipe at the end of the story, I Really Want the Cake offers readers a universally relatable and tasty tale.
I Really Want to Eat a Child
by Sylviane DonnioAchilles is tired of eating bananas every day. What he really wants is to eat a child - but mum and dad aren't being co-operative! What an idea! They try sausage and chocolate cake, but Achilles is not interested. Will Achilles finally be able to eat a child - or is he just a little too little!'An amusing story with wonderfully expressive illustrations.' - The Independent'The appetizing mixture of domestic breakfast concerns and fierce child-eating monsters will leave children hungry for more.' - Publishers Weekly
I Really Want to Win
by Simon PhilipPerfect for fans of mischievous storytime favorites like Pig the Pug, The Bad Seed, and Eloise comes a winning story about a spunky heroine and her sidekick pup who are ready to WIN!Today is Sports Day, I can't wait.And as I know that I'll be great,I've planned how I will celebrate...Because I'm going to WIN.Our heroine and her sidekick pup have their eyes on the prize and are ready to find something to WIN. They compete in a spelling bee, a dancing contest, hide-and-seek, and more in search of a shiny medal. But what will happen if they... don't walk away the winner? Playfully tackling themes of competition, good sportsmanship, and being a fair loser (and winner!), I Really Want to Win joyfully reminds readers that, sometimes, winning isn't everything. With rollicking rhyming text from Simon Philip, bold, expressive illustrations from Lucia Gaggiotti, and a spunky heroine in the middle of it all, this follow-up to I Really Want the Cake is sure to be a winner!"A great conversation starter about the frustrations of competition and the search for a personal passion." -- Kirkus Reviews
I Remember Nothing: And Other Reflections
by Nora EphronNora Ephron returns with her first book since the astounding success ofI Feel Bad About My Neck,taking a cool, hard, hilarious look at the past, the present, and the future, bemoaning the vicissitudes of modern life, and recalling with her signature clarity and wisdom everything she hasn’t (yet) forgotten. Ephron writes about falling hard for a way of life (“Journalism: A Love Story”) and about breaking up even harder with the men in her life (“The D Word”); lists “Twenty-five Things People Have a Shocking Capacity to Be Surprised by Over and Over Again” (“There is no explaining the stock market but people try”; “You can never know the truth of anyone’s marriage, including your own”; “Cary Grant was Jewish”; “Men cheat”); reveals the alarming evolution, a decade after she wrote and directedYou’ve Got Mail,of her relationship with her in-box (“The Six Stages of E-Mail”); and asks the age-old question, which came first, the chicken soup or the cold? All the while, she gives candid, edgy voice to everything women who have reached a certain age have been thinking . . . but rarely acknowledging. Filled with insights and observations that instantly ring true—and could have come only from Nora Ephron—I Remember Nothingis pure joy.
I Represent Sean Rosen
by Jeff BaronSean Rosen knows what he wants. A ten-million dollar deal with a big Hollywood studio. The only problem is, he doesn't know a single person in show business. He and his mom (a nurse) and his dad (a plumber) live far away from Los Angeles or New York. Figuring it out as he goes, using only his laptop and his phone, Sean makes amazing progress in his quest, which no one else has a clue about. Except you, if you read this book. It's good. And it's funny. Trust me. I should know, because I represent Sean Rosen.
I, Robot: How to Be a Footballer 2
by Peter Crouch**A Daily Mail Book of the Year**What happens on the pitch is only half the story. Being a footballer is not just kicking a ball about with twenty-one other people on a big grass rectangle. Sometimes being a footballer is about accidentally becoming best mates with Mickey Rourke, or understanding why spitting is considered football’s most heinous crime.In How to be a Footballer, Peter Crouch took us into a world of bad tattoos and even worse haircuts, a world where you’re on the pitch one minute, spending too much money on a personalised number plate the next. In I, Robot, he lifts the lid even further on the beautiful game. We will learn about Gareth Bale’s magic beans, the Golden Rhombus of Saturday night entertainment, and why Crouchy’s dad walks his dog wearing an England tracksuit from 2005. Whether you’re an armchair expert, or out in the stands every Saturday, crazy for five-a-side or haven’t put on a pair of boots since school, this is the real inside story of how to be a footballer.
I Saw Mommy Biting Santa Claus: A Zombie Christmas Parody
by Matt Mogk Chad LewisI Saw Mommy Biting Santa Claus is a new spin on a holiday classic that tells the story of a suburban zombie outbreak and the little boy who knows just what to do. When Johnny finds out that his mother has turned into a zombie and has attacked Santa Claus, he knows that it's up to him to put the living dead (back) to rest.While the chaos spreads from the mall to the Christmas parade, Johnny finds his friends Glenn, Barb, and Ben, and they devise a plan to not only protect themselves--and their dog--but to make sure to get to Grandma's house before the zombies take over town. While they've planned for the worst, nothing could prepare them for watching jolly old Saint Nick get devoured by mindless zombies.This clever take on a Christmas tradition is right up the alley of anyone who ever wondered what would happen if a zombie outbreak took place during the holiday season. I Saw Mommy Biting Santa Claus is a beautifully gory tale that's sure to become a classic for fans of the holidays and the living dead.
I Saw Mommy Kicking Santa Claus: The Ultimate Holiday Survival Guide
by Ann HodgmanThe hilarious holiday handbook for those who are starting to see Scrooge's point of view. Let's face it-sometimes the joys of Christmas are enough to make us want to run away from home-with all of the eggnog, of course. But with a little wry humor, Ann Hodgman is here to tackle Christmas stress and bring cheer back into the holiday. Delving into such diverse topics as making Christmas for kids and adults, how many traditions are just too many, and much more, I Saw Mommy Kicking Santa Clausis full of helpful advice, recipes, and true holiday horror stories to let you know you're not alone.
I Saw You Standing There: Green Mountain Book 3 (Green Mountain)
by Marie ForceFrom New York Times bestselling author Marie Force, creator of the beloved McCarthys of Gansett Island, Quantum and Fatal series, comes the third book in her Green Mountain series. Fans of Debbie Macomber, Susan Mallery and Jill Shalvis will love the heartwarming, sexy romance series centered on the lives of the Abbott family. There's a budding romance on Butler Mountain, but in the Abbott family, keeping something under wraps is no easy feat... Colton Abbott and Lucy Mulvaney have a secret. Colton's siblings have begun to figure it out, but it's not like Lucy to keep things from those closest to her - especially her best friend, Cameron. Cam recently moved in with her true love, Will Abbott. But Lucy isn't about to tell Cam she's having a fling...with Will's brother. Flitting between New York and Vermont is exhausting, so Lucy is looking forward to a weekend with Colton at the Abbott family lake house. Too bad Will and Cameron have the same idea... With their secret out, will Lucy and Colton's clandestine romance lose its appeal or this the start of something lasting?Bonus Content: Features A Green Mountain Short Story! (Published in the USA as Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds) ***I Saw You Standing There is published in the USA as I Saw Her Standing There***For more spellbinding Green Mountain romance, check out the whole series: Your Love Is All I Need, Let Me Hold Your Hand, I Saw You Standing There, And I Love You, You'll Be Mine, It's Love, Only Love and Ain't She Sweet.
I Saw Zombies Eating Santa Claus: A Breathers Christmas Carol
by S. G. Browne"One of America's best satiric novelists" (Kirkus Reviews), S. G. Browne seamlessly gift wraps this horrific and hilarious sequel to his "extremely strong" (Publishers Weekly, starred review) zombie novel Breathers. He sees you when you're sleeping . . . he knows when you're undead. How does the leader of a failed zombie civil rights movement from California rescue a group of his undead brethren and help a lonely Breather girl as he hides from a band of medical researchers while disguised as Santa Claus? If you've never believed in Christmas miracles, then you wouldn't understand. Andy Warner has just escaped from a zombie research facility in Portland, Oregon, where he's been subjected to experimental testing for the past year. With Christmas just days away, Andy figures that donning a jolly old St. Nick costume to throw off his would-be captors is just the ticket. But he never expects to encounter a sweet, lonesome nine-year-old girl who not only reminds Andy of the family he's lost but who thinks he's the real Santa. He also doesn't count on being recognized as last year's national quasi-celebrity by a clandestine group of decaying supporters who look to him for leadership. For the living and the undead, this unforgettable holiday tale will truly put on display just who is gnawing and who is nice. . . .
I Saw Zombies Eating Santa Claus
by S. G. Browne"One of America's best satiric novelists" (Kirkus Reviews), S. G. Browne seamlessly gift wraps this horrific and hilarious sequel to his "extremely strong" (Publishers Weekly, starred review) zombie novel Breathers. He sees you when you're sleeping . . . he knows when you're undead. How does the leader of a failed zombie civil rights movement from California rescue a group of his undead brethren and help a lonely Breather girl as he hides from a band of medical researchers while disguised as Santa Claus? If you've never believed in Christmas miracles, then you wouldn't understand. Andy Warner has just escaped from a zombie research facility in Portland, Oregon, where he's been subjected to experimental testing for the past year. With Christmas just days away, Andy figures that donning a jolly old St. Nick costume to throw off his would-be captors is just the ticket. But he never expects to encounter a sweet, lonesome nine-year-old girl who not only reminds Andy of the family he's lost but who thinks he's the real Santa. He also doesn't count on being recognized as last year's national quasi-celebrity by a clandestine group of decaying supporters who look to him for leadership. For the living and the undead, this unforgettable holiday tale will truly put on display just who is gnawing and who is nice. . . .
I See Life Through Rosé-Colored Glasses: True Stories and Confessions
by Lisa Scottoline Francesca SerritellaIn I See Life Through Rosé-Colored Glasses, the bestselling mother/daughter pair is back with another hilarious and heartfelt collection of essays about the possibilities and pitfalls of everyday life. The New York Times bestselling mother daughter duo are back with more hilarious, witty, and true tales from their lives. Whether they are attempting to hike the Grand Canyon, setting up phone calls with their dogs, or learning what “adulting” means, Lisa and Francesca are guaranteed to make you laugh, cry, and appreciate the funniest moments in life. Like the perfect glass of rosé, they’re always here to help you escape from your own busy, modern life and instead, get lost in theirs.Praise for the series:"This summer beach read—which is indeed “like a glass of rosé, between two covers”—is sure to cheer readers spanning the generations." —Publishers Weekly on I See Life Through Rosè-Colored Glasses“We all need down-to-earth wisdom and comedy now more than ever, and you will find both in abundance in I Need a Lifeguard Everywhere But the Pool.” —Connecticut Post“We get to be flies on the wall as the mother-daughter team fights, makes up, and hurls barbs just like you and your mom.” —O, The Oprah Magazine (“Perfect Summer Must Read”)
I See You Made an Effort
by Annabelle GurwitchActress and humorist Annabelle Gurwitch returns with I See You Made an Effort, a book of essays so wickedly funny it may make you forget your last birthday. Not one to shy away from the grisly realities of middle age, the 'slyly subversive' (O, the Oprah Magazine) Gurwitch confronts the various indignities faced by femmes d'un certain age with candor, wit, and a healthy dose of hilarious self-deprecation Whether falling in lust at the Genius bar, navigating the extensive--and treacherously expensive--anti aging offerings at a department-store beauty counter, coping with the assisted suicide of her best friend, negotiating the ins and outs of acceptable behavior with her teenage kid, or the thudding financial reality of the 'never-tirement' generation that leads her to petty theft, Gurwitch's essays prove her a remarkably astute writer in her prime (in so many ways). Is this the beginning of the Eileen Fisher years? Where does one conduct an affair with a younger man? Is fifty the new forty? Or is fifty still just . . . fifty?Scorchingly, surreally honest and riotously triumphant, I See You Made an Effort is the ultimate coming-of-middle-age story and a must-read for women of all ages. Reading glasses not included. Praise for I See You Made an Effort'Annabelle Gurwitch is the child prodigy of the literature of aging At the youthful age of fifty, when most of us are stealthily burning our AARP magazines so the neighbors don't find them in the recycling, she has figured out how to make the humiliations of aging hilarious the only downside of this book is that it is bound to deepen your laugh lines. ' Barbara Ehrenreich, author of Nickel and Dimed'The stories in Annabelle Gurwitch's book are unexpected and imaginative, and her observations just plain cracked me up It's so great it should be required reading for everyone between the ages of forty and death Scratch that - even after death it's a must-read. ' Bill Maher'Hooray for Annabelle Gurwitch, whose funny and clear-eyed book proves that the best way to face aging is with copious amounts of laughter Peals not peels!' Henry Alford, author of Would It Kill You to Stop Doing That?'I See You Made an Effort is so funny, humble, and nutty that you'll wish Annabelle Gurwitch lived next door I laughed and commiserated with all the indignities of getting a wee bit older in a youth-obsessed world After reading this book, you won't feel alone in your secret thoughts anymore and you'll laugh really hard - the frosting on the cake!' Julia Sweeney, author of If It's Not One Thing, It's Your Mother'Comedy! Tragedy! Laughter! Tears! To be clear - more laughter than tears! Be warned: I See You Made an Effort is a book about the worst thing a person can do in America: get older Even worse: Annabelle is getting older in Hollywood of all places A tragedy and a crime But relax, the ego-wrenching tales in this book are funny because they happened to her, not you - yet. ' Bob Odenkirk'Smart, hilarious, and deeply moving, I See You Made an Effort captures the highs (few) and lows (more than a few) of not just turning fifty, but turning fifty in our time Annabelle Gurwitch lays bare the harsh reality of hitting the half-century mark in a way that keeps you simultaneously laughing and turning pages. ' Cathi Hanauer, author of Gone and editor of the Bitch in the House'I so relate to this brilliant and wildly hilarious latest work by Annabelle Gurwitch that, sadly, I think there is a middle-aged woman's body trying to break out of my own. ' Richard Lewis
I Shit You Not: Weird and Wonderful Facts from Around the World
by Hugh JassburnWhat a weird and wonderful world we live in. Countries banning letters of the alphabet, the accidental teabag, and have you ever wondered how many horsepower a horse actually has? Well, you’ll be amazed and amused by the revelations and illustrations inside this book of fascinating facts – I shit you not.
I Should Be So Lucky: an uplifting and hilarious novel from the ever astute Astley
by Judy AstleyCertain to raise a smile and warm your heart; escape for an afternoon with this gem from Judy Astley. Perfect for fans of Jenny Colgan, Milly Johnson and Trisha Ashley...'Warm, funny and unerringly true to life' - Katie Fforde'A light, enjoyable, well-written read populated by appealing characters you won't be able to resist warming to.' - Sara Lawrence, DAILY MAIL'Frothy fun from an author worth noting' - DAILY EXPRESS******************************************************SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO MAKE YOUR OWN LUCK...Viola hasn't had much luck with men. Her first husband, Marco, companion of her youth and father of her only child, left her when he realised he was gay.Her second, Rhys, ended his high-octane, fame-filled life by driving his Porsche into a wall. No wonder her family always believes she needs looking after, and her friends think she really shouldn't be allowed out on her own. Which is why, at the age of thirty-five, she finds herself back at home, living with Mum.Viola knows she has to take charge, and fast.With a stroppy teenage daughter, a demanding mother, and siblings who want to control her life for her, where is she going to turn?