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I Really Want the Cake (Digital Read Along Edition) (Unabridged edition)
by Simon PhilipFor fans of laugh-out-loud, mischievous storytime favorites like Pig the Pug, No, David!, and Dragons Love Tacos comes a deliciously funny story about trying to resist one of life's biggest temptations... CAKE!Everyone knows the feeling. First you smell it, then you see it...CAKE!It's on the table standing there, you cannot help but stop and stare.The icing looks like such a treat, it smells so chocolatey and sweet!And before long...YOU REALLY WANT THE CAKE. This deliciously funny story chronicles the battle of one little girl who tries, with all her might, to resist her greatest temptation: cake. Readers join our spunky, mischievous, and charming heroine and her devoted side-kick pup as the temptation mounts, and a little lick becomes a bite. With bouncing rhyming text from Simon Philip and bold, expressive illustrations from Lucia Gaggiotti, this story playfully tackles all-important themes of impulse control, truth-telling, and making amends (or at least trying to), with humor, authenticity, and heart. Including a recipe at the end of the story, I Really Want the Cake offers readers a universally relatable and tasty tale.
I Really Want to Eat a Child
by Sylviane DonnioAchilles is tired of eating bananas every day. What he really wants is to eat a child - but mum and dad aren't being co-operative! What an idea! They try sausage and chocolate cake, but Achilles is not interested. Will Achilles finally be able to eat a child - or is he just a little too little!'An amusing story with wonderfully expressive illustrations.' - The Independent'The appetizing mixture of domestic breakfast concerns and fierce child-eating monsters will leave children hungry for more.' - Publishers Weekly
I Really Want to Win
by Simon PhilipPerfect for fans of mischievous storytime favorites like Pig the Pug, The Bad Seed, and Eloise comes a winning story about a spunky heroine and her sidekick pup who are ready to WIN!Today is Sports Day, I can't wait.And as I know that I'll be great,I've planned how I will celebrate...Because I'm going to WIN.Our heroine and her sidekick pup have their eyes on the prize and are ready to find something to WIN. They compete in a spelling bee, a dancing contest, hide-and-seek, and more in search of a shiny medal. But what will happen if they... don't walk away the winner? Playfully tackling themes of competition, good sportsmanship, and being a fair loser (and winner!), I Really Want to Win joyfully reminds readers that, sometimes, winning isn't everything. With rollicking rhyming text from Simon Philip, bold, expressive illustrations from Lucia Gaggiotti, and a spunky heroine in the middle of it all, this follow-up to I Really Want the Cake is sure to be a winner!"A great conversation starter about the frustrations of competition and the search for a personal passion." -- Kirkus Reviews
I Remember Nothing: And Other Reflections
by Nora EphronNora Ephron returns with her first book since the astounding success ofI Feel Bad About My Neck,taking a cool, hard, hilarious look at the past, the present, and the future, bemoaning the vicissitudes of modern life, and recalling with her signature clarity and wisdom everything she hasn’t (yet) forgotten. Ephron writes about falling hard for a way of life (“Journalism: A Love Story”) and about breaking up even harder with the men in her life (“The D Word”); lists “Twenty-five Things People Have a Shocking Capacity to Be Surprised by Over and Over Again” (“There is no explaining the stock market but people try”; “You can never know the truth of anyone’s marriage, including your own”; “Cary Grant was Jewish”; “Men cheat”); reveals the alarming evolution, a decade after she wrote and directedYou’ve Got Mail,of her relationship with her in-box (“The Six Stages of E-Mail”); and asks the age-old question, which came first, the chicken soup or the cold? All the while, she gives candid, edgy voice to everything women who have reached a certain age have been thinking . . . but rarely acknowledging. Filled with insights and observations that instantly ring true—and could have come only from Nora Ephron—I Remember Nothingis pure joy.
I Represent Sean Rosen
by Jeff BaronSean Rosen knows what he wants. A ten-million dollar deal with a big Hollywood studio. The only problem is, he doesn't know a single person in show business. He and his mom (a nurse) and his dad (a plumber) live far away from Los Angeles or New York. Figuring it out as he goes, using only his laptop and his phone, Sean makes amazing progress in his quest, which no one else has a clue about. Except you, if you read this book. It's good. And it's funny. Trust me. I should know, because I represent Sean Rosen.
I, Robot: How to Be a Footballer 2
by Peter Crouch**A Daily Mail Book of the Year**What happens on the pitch is only half the story. Being a footballer is not just kicking a ball about with twenty-one other people on a big grass rectangle. Sometimes being a footballer is about accidentally becoming best mates with Mickey Rourke, or understanding why spitting is considered football’s most heinous crime.In How to be a Footballer, Peter Crouch took us into a world of bad tattoos and even worse haircuts, a world where you’re on the pitch one minute, spending too much money on a personalised number plate the next. In I, Robot, he lifts the lid even further on the beautiful game. We will learn about Gareth Bale’s magic beans, the Golden Rhombus of Saturday night entertainment, and why Crouchy’s dad walks his dog wearing an England tracksuit from 2005. Whether you’re an armchair expert, or out in the stands every Saturday, crazy for five-a-side or haven’t put on a pair of boots since school, this is the real inside story of how to be a footballer.
I Saw Mommy Biting Santa Claus: A Zombie Christmas Parody
by Matt Mogk Chad LewisI Saw Mommy Biting Santa Claus is a new spin on a holiday classic that tells the story of a suburban zombie outbreak and the little boy who knows just what to do. When Johnny finds out that his mother has turned into a zombie and has attacked Santa Claus, he knows that it's up to him to put the living dead (back) to rest.While the chaos spreads from the mall to the Christmas parade, Johnny finds his friends Glenn, Barb, and Ben, and they devise a plan to not only protect themselves--and their dog--but to make sure to get to Grandma's house before the zombies take over town. While they've planned for the worst, nothing could prepare them for watching jolly old Saint Nick get devoured by mindless zombies.This clever take on a Christmas tradition is right up the alley of anyone who ever wondered what would happen if a zombie outbreak took place during the holiday season. I Saw Mommy Biting Santa Claus is a beautifully gory tale that's sure to become a classic for fans of the holidays and the living dead.
I Saw Mommy Kicking Santa Claus: The Ultimate Holiday Survival Guide
by Ann HodgmanThe hilarious holiday handbook for those who are starting to see Scrooge's point of view. Let's face it-sometimes the joys of Christmas are enough to make us want to run away from home-with all of the eggnog, of course. But with a little wry humor, Ann Hodgman is here to tackle Christmas stress and bring cheer back into the holiday. Delving into such diverse topics as making Christmas for kids and adults, how many traditions are just too many, and much more, I Saw Mommy Kicking Santa Clausis full of helpful advice, recipes, and true holiday horror stories to let you know you're not alone.
I Saw You Standing There: Green Mountain Book 3 (Green Mountain)
by Marie ForceFrom New York Times bestselling author Marie Force, creator of the beloved McCarthys of Gansett Island, Quantum and Fatal series, comes the third book in her Green Mountain series. Fans of Debbie Macomber, Susan Mallery and Jill Shalvis will love the heartwarming, sexy romance series centered on the lives of the Abbott family. There's a budding romance on Butler Mountain, but in the Abbott family, keeping something under wraps is no easy feat... Colton Abbott and Lucy Mulvaney have a secret. Colton's siblings have begun to figure it out, but it's not like Lucy to keep things from those closest to her - especially her best friend, Cameron. Cam recently moved in with her true love, Will Abbott. But Lucy isn't about to tell Cam she's having a fling...with Will's brother. Flitting between New York and Vermont is exhausting, so Lucy is looking forward to a weekend with Colton at the Abbott family lake house. Too bad Will and Cameron have the same idea... With their secret out, will Lucy and Colton's clandestine romance lose its appeal or this the start of something lasting?Bonus Content: Features A Green Mountain Short Story! (Published in the USA as Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds) ***I Saw You Standing There is published in the USA as I Saw Her Standing There***For more spellbinding Green Mountain romance, check out the whole series: Your Love Is All I Need, Let Me Hold Your Hand, I Saw You Standing There, And I Love You, You'll Be Mine, It's Love, Only Love and Ain't She Sweet.
I Saw Zombies Eating Santa Claus: A Breathers Christmas Carol
by S. G. Browne"One of America's best satiric novelists" (Kirkus Reviews), S. G. Browne seamlessly gift wraps this horrific and hilarious sequel to his "extremely strong" (Publishers Weekly, starred review) zombie novel Breathers. He sees you when you're sleeping . . . he knows when you're undead. How does the leader of a failed zombie civil rights movement from California rescue a group of his undead brethren and help a lonely Breather girl as he hides from a band of medical researchers while disguised as Santa Claus? If you've never believed in Christmas miracles, then you wouldn't understand. Andy Warner has just escaped from a zombie research facility in Portland, Oregon, where he's been subjected to experimental testing for the past year. With Christmas just days away, Andy figures that donning a jolly old St. Nick costume to throw off his would-be captors is just the ticket. But he never expects to encounter a sweet, lonesome nine-year-old girl who not only reminds Andy of the family he's lost but who thinks he's the real Santa. He also doesn't count on being recognized as last year's national quasi-celebrity by a clandestine group of decaying supporters who look to him for leadership. For the living and the undead, this unforgettable holiday tale will truly put on display just who is gnawing and who is nice. . . .
I Saw Zombies Eating Santa Claus
by S. G. Browne"One of America's best satiric novelists" (Kirkus Reviews), S. G. Browne seamlessly gift wraps this horrific and hilarious sequel to his "extremely strong" (Publishers Weekly, starred review) zombie novel Breathers. He sees you when you're sleeping . . . he knows when you're undead. How does the leader of a failed zombie civil rights movement from California rescue a group of his undead brethren and help a lonely Breather girl as he hides from a band of medical researchers while disguised as Santa Claus? If you've never believed in Christmas miracles, then you wouldn't understand. Andy Warner has just escaped from a zombie research facility in Portland, Oregon, where he's been subjected to experimental testing for the past year. With Christmas just days away, Andy figures that donning a jolly old St. Nick costume to throw off his would-be captors is just the ticket. But he never expects to encounter a sweet, lonesome nine-year-old girl who not only reminds Andy of the family he's lost but who thinks he's the real Santa. He also doesn't count on being recognized as last year's national quasi-celebrity by a clandestine group of decaying supporters who look to him for leadership. For the living and the undead, this unforgettable holiday tale will truly put on display just who is gnawing and who is nice. . . .
I See Life Through Rosé-Colored Glasses: True Stories and Confessions
by Lisa Scottoline Francesca SerritellaIn I See Life Through Rosé-Colored Glasses, the bestselling mother/daughter pair is back with another hilarious and heartfelt collection of essays about the possibilities and pitfalls of everyday life. The New York Times bestselling mother daughter duo are back with more hilarious, witty, and true tales from their lives. Whether they are attempting to hike the Grand Canyon, setting up phone calls with their dogs, or learning what “adulting” means, Lisa and Francesca are guaranteed to make you laugh, cry, and appreciate the funniest moments in life. Like the perfect glass of rosé, they’re always here to help you escape from your own busy, modern life and instead, get lost in theirs.Praise for the series:"This summer beach read—which is indeed “like a glass of rosé, between two covers”—is sure to cheer readers spanning the generations." —Publishers Weekly on I See Life Through Rosè-Colored Glasses“We all need down-to-earth wisdom and comedy now more than ever, and you will find both in abundance in I Need a Lifeguard Everywhere But the Pool.” —Connecticut Post“We get to be flies on the wall as the mother-daughter team fights, makes up, and hurls barbs just like you and your mom.” —O, The Oprah Magazine (“Perfect Summer Must Read”)
I See You Made an Effort
by Annabelle GurwitchActress and humorist Annabelle Gurwitch returns with I See You Made an Effort, a book of essays so wickedly funny it may make you forget your last birthday. Not one to shy away from the grisly realities of middle age, the 'slyly subversive' (O, the Oprah Magazine) Gurwitch confronts the various indignities faced by femmes d'un certain age with candor, wit, and a healthy dose of hilarious self-deprecation Whether falling in lust at the Genius bar, navigating the extensive--and treacherously expensive--anti aging offerings at a department-store beauty counter, coping with the assisted suicide of her best friend, negotiating the ins and outs of acceptable behavior with her teenage kid, or the thudding financial reality of the 'never-tirement' generation that leads her to petty theft, Gurwitch's essays prove her a remarkably astute writer in her prime (in so many ways). Is this the beginning of the Eileen Fisher years? Where does one conduct an affair with a younger man? Is fifty the new forty? Or is fifty still just . . . fifty?Scorchingly, surreally honest and riotously triumphant, I See You Made an Effort is the ultimate coming-of-middle-age story and a must-read for women of all ages. Reading glasses not included. Praise for I See You Made an Effort'Annabelle Gurwitch is the child prodigy of the literature of aging At the youthful age of fifty, when most of us are stealthily burning our AARP magazines so the neighbors don't find them in the recycling, she has figured out how to make the humiliations of aging hilarious the only downside of this book is that it is bound to deepen your laugh lines. ' Barbara Ehrenreich, author of Nickel and Dimed'The stories in Annabelle Gurwitch's book are unexpected and imaginative, and her observations just plain cracked me up It's so great it should be required reading for everyone between the ages of forty and death Scratch that - even after death it's a must-read. ' Bill Maher'Hooray for Annabelle Gurwitch, whose funny and clear-eyed book proves that the best way to face aging is with copious amounts of laughter Peals not peels!' Henry Alford, author of Would It Kill You to Stop Doing That?'I See You Made an Effort is so funny, humble, and nutty that you'll wish Annabelle Gurwitch lived next door I laughed and commiserated with all the indignities of getting a wee bit older in a youth-obsessed world After reading this book, you won't feel alone in your secret thoughts anymore and you'll laugh really hard - the frosting on the cake!' Julia Sweeney, author of If It's Not One Thing, It's Your Mother'Comedy! Tragedy! Laughter! Tears! To be clear - more laughter than tears! Be warned: I See You Made an Effort is a book about the worst thing a person can do in America: get older Even worse: Annabelle is getting older in Hollywood of all places A tragedy and a crime But relax, the ego-wrenching tales in this book are funny because they happened to her, not you - yet. ' Bob Odenkirk'Smart, hilarious, and deeply moving, I See You Made an Effort captures the highs (few) and lows (more than a few) of not just turning fifty, but turning fifty in our time Annabelle Gurwitch lays bare the harsh reality of hitting the half-century mark in a way that keeps you simultaneously laughing and turning pages. ' Cathi Hanauer, author of Gone and editor of the Bitch in the House'I so relate to this brilliant and wildly hilarious latest work by Annabelle Gurwitch that, sadly, I think there is a middle-aged woman's body trying to break out of my own. ' Richard Lewis
I Shit You Not: Weird and Wonderful Facts from Around the World
by Hugh JassburnWhat a weird and wonderful world we live in. Countries banning letters of the alphabet, the accidental teabag, and have you ever wondered how many horsepower a horse actually has? Well, you’ll be amazed and amused by the revelations and illustrations inside this book of fascinating facts – I shit you not.
I Should Be So Lucky: an uplifting and hilarious novel from the ever astute Astley
by Judy AstleyCertain to raise a smile and warm your heart; escape for an afternoon with this gem from Judy Astley. Perfect for fans of Jenny Colgan, Milly Johnson and Trisha Ashley...'Warm, funny and unerringly true to life' - Katie Fforde'A light, enjoyable, well-written read populated by appealing characters you won't be able to resist warming to.' - Sara Lawrence, DAILY MAIL'Frothy fun from an author worth noting' - DAILY EXPRESS******************************************************SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO MAKE YOUR OWN LUCK...Viola hasn't had much luck with men. Her first husband, Marco, companion of her youth and father of her only child, left her when he realised he was gay.Her second, Rhys, ended his high-octane, fame-filled life by driving his Porsche into a wall. No wonder her family always believes she needs looking after, and her friends think she really shouldn't be allowed out on her own. Which is why, at the age of thirty-five, she finds herself back at home, living with Mum.Viola knows she has to take charge, and fast.With a stroppy teenage daughter, a demanding mother, and siblings who want to control her life for her, where is she going to turn?
I Shouldn’t Be Telling You This: (But I'm Going to Anyway)
by Chelsea Devantez"It&’s f*cking great!!! Raw, intimate, hilarious, actually inspiring.&” –Jon Stewart*A MOST ANTICIPATED BOOK FROM GOODREADS, PUREWOW, SHREADS, BOOKRIOT, AND MORE*A dynamic memoir-in-essays by comedian, screenwriter, and podcaster Chelsea Devantez, detailing her tumultuous upbringing and uproarious career path into Hollywood.There are things Chelsea Devantez probably shouldn&’t be telling you. Many of them are in this book: some are embarrassing (like when she tried to break her three year spell of celibacy using a guide of seduction tips). Some are confessional (getting sentenced to the &“hell hill&” at Mormon church camp). Some are TMI (a series of outrageous doctor visits that ended with one doctor misdiagnosing her as &“pregnant.&” Woopsies!).Then there are things Chelsea really shouldn&’t be telling you: like the time her biggest family secret was publicly outed, or about the drive-by shootings and the precipitating domestic violence she survived. Yet through it all, it&’s the women in Chelsea&’s life who kept her going – from the lowest points of her childhood when she and her mom had only $100 left to their name, all the way to her career highs as the Emmy-nominated Head Writer for The Problem with Jon Stewart and sensational podcaster deemed &“the celebrity memoir whisperer&” by her fans. In I Shouldn't Be Telling You This, Chelsea centers each story around a different woman who shaped her life, taking us on a tour of friends and strangers, fictional characters and celebrities, heroes and villains who will destroy any Netflix algorithm for a &“strong female lead.&” Reading it will feel kinda like that moment at a party when your friend beckons you close, sloshes her martini around, and covertly whispers, &“I really shouldn&’t say this, but…&”
I Shrank My Teacher (Sixth-Grade Alien #2)
by Bruce CovillePleskit and Tim&’s plan to prank a bully goes horribly awry in this second book of the hilarious, fast-paced, and accessible sci-fi series Sixth-Grade Alien from the bestselling author of Aliens Ate My Homework, Bruce Coville.All Pleskit Meenom wants to do is fit in on his new planet. But bullies like his classmate Jordan Lynch make it clear he never will. Not even taking a trip to the mall and getting some Earth-style clothing is enough to stop Jordan&’s teasing or blend in at school. After one dig too many from Pleskit&’s bully, Pleskit and his best friend Tim decide to teach Jordan a lesson.So they borrow a shrinking ray from the embassy. Shrinking rays are tricky machines, and this one turns out to be more than the boys can handle. Instead of cutting a mean kid down to size, they end up making Tim and their teacher Ms. Weintraub no bigger than a pair of pencils!If word gets out of this misuse of alien technology, it could ruin Pleskit&’s mission. But how can you hide the fact that you&’ve shrunk your teacher?
I Shudder: And Other Reactions to Life, Death, and New Jersey
by Paul RudnickI Shudder is a side-splittingly funny collection of essays from Paul Rudnick, one of America’s preeminent humorists. Rudnick, who writes for The New Yorker and has written the screenplays for the films In and Out, Sister Act, and Addams Family Values, shares his hilarious observations on life in New York City and New Jersey, the perils of show business, and dealing with one’s family, however crazy they may be. As David Sedaris says, “There’s no book wiser or half as funny as I Shudder.”
I So Don't Do Famous
by Barrie SummyHaving a boyfriend in eighth grade makes me kind of a celebrity at school. I'm also known throughout the spirit world--I've helped my ghost mom solve some tough cases. And now I'm on my biggest one of all . . . in Hollywood!Everyone is so famous here. But there's no time for stargazing. Somehow I managed to stumble upon a mystery right on Hollywood Boulevard. Homes of young celebs are being burglarized, and it's up to me to figure out who's behind the million dollar crimes--and prove it to the Beverly Hills police. And to complicate things? The ghost of a teen star is dying to help me. One thing you never hear in the land of glitz & glamour? I so don't do famous.From the Hardcover edition.
I So Don’t Do Makeup
by Barrie SummySherry and her friends are having an awesome sleepover, having fun with eye shadow, glitter, and hair products. But when the girls wake up the next morning with serious skin issues, Sherry is freaked. Someone tampered with her makeup. But who?
I, Soddit
by A.R.R.R. RobertsThe hilarious autobiography of the legendary hero of THE SODDIT. Adam Roberts' THE SODDIT was a bestseller and sold 150,000 copies. But what happened to the Soddit after his adventures, and after his account of them was published. . .
I Speak Boy
by Jessica BrodyA phone-obsessed twelve-year-old girl, frustrated by the cryptic boys in her life, discovers a magic app that can read boys' thoughts in this modern-day retelling of Emma by Jane Austen.After a matchmaking attempt for her best friend, Harper, goes wrong, Emmy is fed up. Why are boys so hard to figure out? But then something amazing happens--she wakes up with a new app on her phone: iSpeak Boy! Suddenly Emmy has the information every girl wants to know--the super-secret knowledge of how boys think . . . and who they like!Now Emmy is using her magical app to make matches left and right. But can she use it to help Harper, the only person who doesn't seem to buy into Emmy's "gift"? And when her secret gets out and the app ends up in the wrong hands, can Emmy figure out how to undo the damage she's caused?
I Spy! (The Secret World of Alex Mack #13)
by John PeelWhen her family hosts Veronique, a foreign-exchange student, during her stay in the United States, Alex and Annie worry about how to hide Alex's powers from yet another person, until they discover that Veronique is not French at all.
I Spy Fly Guy! (Fly Guy #7)
by Tedd ArnoldDuring a game of hide-and-seek, is Fly Guy lost forever?When Fly Guy and Buzz play hide-and-seek, Fly Guy hides in his favorite place--the garbage can. But as Buzz finishes counting, the garbageman drives away with the garbage and Fly Guy, too! A very worried Buzz follows the truck to the dump, where he sees zillions of flies. Where is Fly Guy?Time after time, Buzz thinks he spies Fly Guy, only to be snubbed, boinked, or bitten. Then he realizes they've been playing a game. He yells, "I give up. You win." And Fly Guy leaves his new hiding place--he was on top of Buzz's hat allalong!Using hyperbole, puns, slapstick, and silly drawings, Tedd Arnold delivers an easy reader that is full of fun in his NEW YORK TIMES bestselling Fly Guy series.
I Still Have It . . . I Just Can't Remember Where I Put It
by Rita RudnerI bought a new wrinkle cream. If you use it once a day, you look younger in a month. Twice a day, you look younger in two weeks. I ate it. As the years go by, and the decades begin to pile up, people will do just about anything to reverse the signs of aging: LASIK surgery, industrial-strength hair dye, seven consecutive forty-ninth birthday parties. Rita Rudner is no exception. When she turned fifty, she couldn’t even bear to say the word. InI Still Have It . . . I Just Can’t Remember Where I Put It, Rudner writes with humor and candor about all of the small indignities and everyday absurdities that have become standard fare. From the perils of catalog-ordering addiction to the challenges of keeping up with the latest in electronics, lingerie, and reality television to the joys and worries of being an older mother to the long search for the perfect retirement house, Rita covers it all. So put on your bifocals and power up your sense of humor! Just don’t blame Rita when your laugh lines get visibly deeper. Refreshingly honest and undeniably hilarious,I Still Have It . . . I Just Can’t Remember Where I Put Itis a laugh-out-loud look at the wonders and the surprises of life on the dark side of fifty. From the Hardcover edition.