- Table View
- List View
If the Gods Had Meant Us to Vote They Would Have Given Us Candidates: More Political Subversion from Jim Hightower (Revised Edition)
by Jim HightowerIf anything, in this presidential election special, he's madder than ever!In his earlier bestseller, There's Nothing in the Middle of the Road but Yellow Stripes and Dead Armadillos, Hightower only began to tap into the deep yearning that Americans have for a new politics that speaks to them from a real-world, kitchen-table perspective. Now, with the year 2000 being an especially significant marker for contemplating our country's direction, not only for the new year but for the new century and the new millennium, it's time for citizens to reclaim their political, economic, and cultural heritage.Leading the way with his hilariously irreverent yet profoundly serious book is our name-naming, podium-pounding, point-them-in-the-right-direction populist, Hightower himself. He whacks conventional wisdom right upside the head,showing,with startling facts and compelling personal stories, that despite a so-called period of prosperity, America's middle class is getting mugged, and that far from being ordained by the gods,globalization is globaloney! Hightower rips the mass off of the candidates, the parties, the consultants, and especially the moneyed powers whoa re supporting all of the leading presidential hopefuls. he's mad about them all--but what he's maddest about, what really gets his goat,is that they are all the same! To paraphrase Jim, American politicians are alike because they don't come cheap. In fact, they're all very expansive. which is why only the rich can own them and why their allegiance is definitely not to regular,worka-day citizens.No one is spared in this insightful and engaging blend of horror and success stories, hard-hitting commentary, laugh-out-loud humor, useful facts, and sparkling language. An equal opportunity muckraker and conscientious agitator for "We the people," Hightower inspires us to take charge again, to build a new politics, and, together, to build a better tomorrow. Jim Hightower's If the Gods Had Meant Us to Vote They Would Have Given Us Candidates proves yet again that his is a uniquely wise and peerlessly singular voice in the maelstrom of political prattle.
If the Raindrops United: Drawings and Cartoons
by Judah FriedlanderA book of hilarious and ingenious comic drawings from the popular 30 Rock star and "World Champion" comedian Judah Friedlander, hailed by Tina Fey as "one of the all-time great weirdos." Most Americans know Judah Friedlander from his role as Frank Rossitano on 30 Rock and from appearances in films like American Splendor and The Wrestler. But long before he became a film and TV star and stand-up comic Friedlander drew stuff. Now, in this quirky, hilarious, and surprisingly profound collection of drawings, Friedlander shows a new side to his "terrifically entertaining" (New York Times) comedy. Whether imagining George Washington in Las Vegas, plastic surgery for imperfect triangles, and the Keystone Pipeline as a sex act, Friedlander's "Joodles" push boundaries as they explore the absurdities of American life, sex, and even history and human rights. If the Raindrops United is a milestone in the career of one of America's most inventive comedians.Praise for If the Raindrops United:"Judah has drawn a weird and funny book in the grand '70s tradition of B. Kliban! I think this book will probably fix the world."--Tina Fey"Some people meditate. Some people masturbate. But if you don't have the time or patience for either of those, I recommend reading If the Raindrops United to calm down, have a little laugh, or a big think."--Susan Sarandon"I've known Judah for many years and I still don't understand how his mind works, but it sure works. Seriously strange. Seriously funny. A National Treasure. Sadly, I need to get a restraining order against him."--Paul Giamatti"Judah thank you for writing a funny twisted book. It is such an easy read. Even dum dums like me can enjoy it!!! Buy this book."--Dave Attell"Judah's drawings are deceptively simple, yet they become more compelling with every page. His talent as an actor/writer/comedian is further conveyed in ANOTHER medium. He's a Quadruple Threat. He wears many hats. Literally."--Janeane Garofalo"Reading Judah Friedlander's new book is a lot like hanging out with Judah himself: occasionally baffling, frequently thought-provoking, but, most of all, consistently hilarious!"--Mick Foley"To compare Judah Friedlander to a great cartoonist like Jim Davis would be a compliment to Jim Davis."--Wyatt Cenac"Another hit from The World Champ tackling the signs and symbols you frequently question while dropping hot lava in your American Standard VorMax."--Eddie Huang
If the River Was Whiskey
by T. C. BoyleIn sixteen stories, T.C. Boyle tears through the walls of contemporary society to reveal a world at once comic and tragic, droll and horrific. Boyle introduces us to a death-defying stuntman who rides across the country strapped to the axle of a Peterbilt, and to a retired primatologist who can't adjust to the "civilized" world. He chronicles the state of romance that requires full-body protection in a disease-conscious age and depicts with aching tenderness the relationship between a young boy and his alcoholic father. These magical and provocative stories mark yet another virtuoso performance from one of America's most supple and electric literary inventors.
If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe: A John, Dave, and Amy Novel (John Dies at the End #4)
by Jason ParginNew York Times bestselling author Jason Pargin’s hilarious and horrifying John Dies at the End series continues with If This Book Exists, You’re in the Wrong Universe."Pargin once again delights with scathing social commentary thinly disguised as an outrageous action novel...This is a feast."—Publishers Weekly "Within the snarky humor is an incisive commentary on social media and the state of our connected world, and a story about trauma and how people lash out when they’re hurt...This isn’t just a funny tale of inept supernatural investigators; it’s a story of people struggling through pain to find a better path. Pargin offers us a welcome note of hope." — BooklistIf the broken neon signs, shuttered storefronts, and sub-standard housing didn’t tip you off, you’ve just wandered into the city of “Undisclosed”. You don’t want to be caught dead here, because odds are you just might find yourself rising from the grave. That hasn’t stopped tourists from visiting to check out the unusual phenomena that hangs around our town like radioactive fallout. Interdimensional parasites feeding on human hosts, paranormal cults worshipping demonic entities, vengeful teenage sorcerers, we’ve got it all.Did I mention the possessed toy? It’s a plastic football-sized egg that’s supposed to hatch an adorable, colorful stuffed bird when a child “feeds” it through a synchronized smartphone app. What’s actually inside is an otherworldly monstrosity that’s enticing impressionable wayward youth into murdering folks and depositing their body parts inside the egg as if it’s a hungry piggy bank to trigger the end of the world.That’s where Dave, John, and Amy come in. They face supernatural threats so the rest of us don’t have to—and sometimes even earn a couple of bucks to so do. But between the bloody ritual sacrifices and soul-crushing nightmares, our trio realizes this apocalypse is way above their pay grade.
If This Gets Out
by Sophie Gonzales Cale Dietrich"If This Gets Out is an absolute showstopper! Equal parts edgy and adorable, this bright, joyful book has everything I look for in a queer YA romance." - Phil Stamper, bestselling author of The Gravity of UsOne of the world's biggest boy bands. A secret love. What happens if the world finds out? A queer YA boy band romance from Sophie Gonzales and Cale Dietrich, perfect for fans of Only Mostly Devastated and What If It's Us.Eighteen-year-olds Ruben Montez and Zach Knight are two members of the boy-band Saturday, one of the biggest acts in America. Along with their bandmates, Angel Phan and Jon Braxton, the four are teen heartbreakers in front of the cameras and best friends backstage. But privately, cracks are starting to form: their once-easy rapport is straining under the pressures of fame, and Ruben confides in Zach that he's feeling smothered by management's pressure to stay in the closet.On a whirlwind tour through Europe, with both an unrelenting schedule and minimal supervision, Ruben and Zach come to rely on each other more and more, and their already close friendship evolves into a romance. But when they decide they're ready to tell their fans and live freely, Zach and Ruben start to truly realize that they will never have the support of their management. How can they hold tight to each other when the whole world seems to want to come between them?"Deftly explores the dark side of fame and the giddy thrill of first - and forbidden - love." - Mackenzi Lee, New York Times bestselling author"A sweet and swoon-worthy romance. Zach and Ruben are a pitch-perfect duet!" - Caleb Roehrig, author of Last Seen Leaving"Dazzles . . . with a narrative of queer boy-bandmates who wrestle with newfound fame, and newfound feelings for each other. Readers will fall in love." - Adam Sass, author of Surrender Your Sons"Blends the ache and the beauty of coming out under the lights of celebrity with the ways in which queer love is told to stay hidden, even when it's the only thing keeping the music going." - L.C. Rosen, author of Camp
If This Gets Out
by Sophie Gonzales Cale Dietrich"If This Gets Out is an absolute showstopper! Equal parts edgy and adorable, this bright, joyful book has everything I look for in a queer YA romance." - Phil Stamper, bestselling author of The Gravity of UsOne of the world's biggest boy bands. A secret love. What happens if the world finds out? A queer YA boy band romance from Sophie Gonzales and Cale Dietrich, perfect for fans of Only Mostly Devastated and What If It's Us.Eighteen-year-olds Ruben Montez and Zach Knight are two members of the boy-band Saturday, one of the biggest acts in America. Along with their bandmates, Angel Phan and Jon Braxton, the four are teen heartbreakers in front of the cameras and best friends backstage. But privately, cracks are starting to form: their once-easy rapport is straining under the pressures of fame, and Ruben confides in Zach that he's feeling smothered by management's pressure to stay in the closet."Deftly explores the dark side of fame and the giddy thrill of first - and forbidden - love." - Mackenzi Lee, New York Times bestselling author"A sweet and swoon-worthy romance. Zach and Ruben are a pitch-perfect duet!" - Caleb Roehrig, author of Last Seen Leaving"Dazzles . . . with a narrative of queer boy-bandmates who wrestle with newfound fame, and newfound feelings for each other. Readers will fall in love." - Adam Sass, author of Surrender Your Sons"Blends the ache and the beauty of coming out under the lights of celebrity with the ways in which queer love is told to stay hidden, even when it's the only thing keeping the music going." - L.C. Rosen, author of Camp(P) 2021 Macmillan Audio
If This Isn't Nice, What Is?: Advice for the Young
by Kurt Vonnegut Dan WakefieldMaster storyteller and satirist Kurt Vonnegut was one of the most in-demand commencement speakers of his time. For each occasion, Vonnegut's words were unfailingly unique, insightful, and witty, and they stayed with audience members long after graduation.As edited by Dan Wakefield, this book reads like a narrative in the unique voice that made Vonnegut a hero to readers of all ages. At times hilarious, razor-sharp, freewheeling, and deeply serious, these reflections are ideal for anyone undergoing what Vonnegut would call their "long-delayed puberty ceremony"-marking the passage from student to full-time adult.This book makes the perfect gift for high school or college graduates-or for parents and grandparents who remember Vonnegut fondly and want to connect with him in a new context.
If We Were Us
by K. L. WaltherMorgan Matson meets Becky Albertalli in this story of two best friends who are forced to confront truths about their friendship, identities, and relationships their senior year at boarding school.Everyone at the prestigious Bexley School believes that Sage Morgan and Charlie Carmichael are meant to be. Even though Charlie seems to have a new girlfriend every month, and Sage has never had a real relationship, their friends and family all know it's just a matter of time until they realize that they are actually in love.When Luke Morrissey shows up on the Bexley campus his presence immediately shakes things up. Charlie and Luke are drawn to each other the moment they meet, giving Sage the opportunity to steal away to spend time with Charlie's twin brother, Nick.But Charlie is afraid of what others will think if he accepts that he has much more than a friendship with Luke, that he's never felt this way before. And Sage fears that if she lets things with Nick get too serious too quickly, they won't be able to last as a couple outside of high school and miss their chance at forever. The duo will need to rely on each other and their lifelong friendship to figure things out with the boys they love.
If Wishes Were Heroes
by Alice SharpeIt's just a lamp. Really. There's nothing magical about it.I bought it at a garage sale because I thought it would make a nice prop. It's just that, ever since then, some really weird things have been happening....But maybe I should make a wish-just in case.Now this gorgeous guy, Alan Kincaid, wants the lamp back. He seems to think there is something pretty special about it. That's crazy, right? I'm sure it's just a coincidence that my first wish came true. But I'm starting to think that Alan could be my wish number two-and three, and four, and...
If You Ask Me
by Libby HubscherWhen an advice columnist&’s picture-perfect life implodes, she opts to go rogue in this hilarious, heartwarming romance from the author of Meet Me in Paradise. Violet Covington pens Dear Sweetie, the most popular advice column in the state of North Carolina. She has an answer for how to politely handle any difficult situation…until she discovers her husband, Sam, has been cheating on her. Furious and out of sensible solutions, Violet leaves her filter at the door and turns to her column to air her own frustrations. The new, brutally honest Dear Sweetie goes viral, sending more shock waves through Violet&’s life. When she burns Sam&’s belongings in a front-yard, late-night bonfire, a smoking-hot firefighter named Dez shows up to douse the flames, and an unexpected fling quickly shows potential to become something longer lasting. A lot of people want to see the old polished Violet return—including her boss, who finds her unpredictability hard to manage, and Sam, who&’s begging for another chance. But Dez appreciates Violet just the way she is—in fact, he can&’t get enough of her. The right answers don&’t come easily when Violet finds herself at her own personal crossroads. But maybe, by getting real, Violet can write her own happy ending.
If You Can't Take the Heat: Tales of Food, Feminism, and Fury
by Geraldine DeRuiterNATIONAL BESTSELLER • From the James Beard Award–winning blogger behind The Everywhereist come hilarious, searing essays on how food and cooking stoke the flames of her feminism.&“With charm and humor, Geraldine DeRuiter welcomes us into her personal history and thus reconnects us with ourselves.&”—Mikki Kendall, New York Times bestselling author of Hood FeminismWhen celebrity chef Mario Batali sent out an apology letter for the sexual harassment allegations made against him, he had the gall to include a recipe—for cinnamon rolls, of all things. Geraldine DeRuiter decided to make the recipe, and she happened to make food journalism history along with it. Her subsequent essay, with its scathing commentary about the pervasiveness of misogyny in the food world, would be read millions of times, lauded by industry luminaries from Martha Stewart to New York Times restaurant critic Pete Wells, and would land DeRuiter in the middle of a media firestorm. She found herself on the receiving end of dozens of threats when all she wanted to do was make something to eat (and, okay fine, maybe take down the patriarchy).In If You Can&’t Take the Heat, DeRuiter shares stories about her shockingly true, painfully funny (and sometimes just painful) adventures in gastronomy. We&’ll learn how she finally got a grip on her debilitating anxiety by emergency meal–planning for the apocalypse. (&“You are probably deeply worried that in times of desperation I would eat your pets. And yes, I absolutely would.&”) Or how she learned to embrace her hanger. (&“Because women can be a lot of things, but we can&’t be angry. Or president, apparently.&”) And how she inadvertently caused another international incident with a negative restaurant review. (She made it on to the homepage of The New York Times&’s website! And she got more death threats!)Deliciously insightful and bitingly clever, If You Can&’t Take the Heat is a fresh look at food and feminism from one of the culinary world&’s sharpest voices.
If You Cry like a Fountain
by Noemi VolaA quirky and surprisingly funny picture book about the many practical uses for tears, for fans of Big Feelings.In an attempt to cheer up a sad-looking worm, a narrator makes things worse by causing the worm to cry. But in the process of trying to make the sobbing worm feel better, the narrator starts to think of the various ways tears can be used productively. For example, if you&’re sad around lunchtime, cry until you fill a pot with your tears and boil pasta — you won&’t even need to season with salt! Crying can be used to dilute paint, and with paint, you can make beautiful art. Crying also serves lots of different purposes. Without tears, the rivers would dry up. Clouds would keep getting bigger and bigger. And crying also helps the pears to grow, and with pears, you can make jam. Jam makes people happy, and can help staunch the flow of tears . . . at least until the jam runs out!Join a tearful worm and a bungling narrator as they explore the many uses for tears in this hilarious and quirky picture book by up-and-coming author-illustrator Noemi Vola.
If You Didn't Bring Jerky, What Did I Just Eat?: Misadventures in Hunting, Fishing, and the Wilds of Suburbia (Laugh Lines Ser.)
by Bill HeaveyA hilarious collection of essays dedicated to life in the great outdoors from Field & Stream’s acclaimed Sportsman’s Life columnist. For nearly a decade, Bill Heavey, an outdoorsman marooned in suburbia, has written the Sportsman’s Life column on the back page of Field & Stream, where he does for hunting and fishing what David Feherty does for golf and Lewis Grizzard did for the South. If You Didn’t Bring Jerky, What Did I Just Eat? is the first collection of Heavey’s sidesplitting observations on life as a hardcore (but often hapless) outdoorsman. Whether he’s hunting cougars in the desert, scheming to make his five-year-old daughter love fishing, or chronicling his father’s life through a succession of canine companions, Heavey brings his trademark wit to a wide-range of outdoor enthusiasms, running the gamut from elite expeditions to ordinary occupations. In turns hysterical and poignant, entertaining and educational, this is an irresistible addition to the collection of any avid outdoorsman—or any suburbanite intrigued by the call of the wild.
If You Don't Laugh You'll Cry: Life and love from either side of the TV screen
by Angie KentAngie Kent won hearts and friends when she partnered with best friend Yvie Jones to commentate from the couch as we watched them watching TV on Gogglebox. Then Angie proved a stalwart on the 2019 season of I'm a Celebrity ... Get Me Out of Here! And THEN she became the unforgettable 2019 Bachelorette. It's clear Australia can't get enough of Angie - and now she gives us some of her quirky, funny, warm-hearted wisdom on life, love and everything in between, in the form of a book.With no holds barred - just as you'd expect - Angie talks about her challenges with mental health and body image; her family and friends; what has and hasn't worked in her relationships, and what she has learned - the hard way - about life. There are plenty of laughs, and some tears, and always plenty of heart. Angie's is the voice of your imaginary best friend - the one who always has your back, and who knows just what to say because she's been there before.
If You Ever Want to Bring a Circus to the Library, Don't! (Magnolia Says DON'T! #3)
by Elise Parsley<P>If you see a poster that says "You Can Do Anything at the Library!", it is NOT giving you permission to put on a circus! <P>But Magnolia doesn't see any problem with setting up her own big top. She's got a lot of gusto and one mean human cannonball routine. <P>So what if her greatest show on Earth won't fit between the bookshelves? <P>Elise Parsley's boldly expressive illustrations perfectly complement this mostly-librarian-approved guide on how to be everything BUT quiet in the library!
If You Ever Want to Bring a Piano to the Beach, Don't!
by Elise ParsleyElise Parsley's tale of the charismatic and willful Magnolia's disastrous trip to the beach follows up her New York Times bestselling debut, If You Ever Want to Bring an Alligator to School, Don't! If your mom says to get ready to play at the beach, she means with a boat, or a Frisbee, or a shovel. She is NOT talking about the piano. But Magnolia is a little girl with a big idea, determination, and one very heavy upright piano that, she insists, she needs to take with her. What's the worst that can happen? In a riotous series of mishaps, Magnolia quickly learns that--not surprisingly--a piano doesn't mix well with sand, sun, and seagulls!
If You Ever Want to Bring a Pirate to Meet Santa, Don't! (Magnolia Says DON'T! #4)
by Elise ParsleyThe fourth book in the New York Times-bestselling Magnolia Says DON'T! series that started with If You Ever Want to Bring an Alligator to School, Don't! is another loud and cautionary tale of what not to do...when you visit Santa.If your dad says you're going to meet a bearded guy with a red suit and a bag full of treasures...he is not talking about meeting a pirate! But Magnolia has already invited the misbehaving swashbuckler to jump in line to meet Santa. So what if pirates are on the Naughty List? She'll just teach this one to change his scurvy ways--no plundering or sword-fighting or plank-walking allowed! Plus, Santa is happy to hear everyone's wish list. Right?It's YO HO HO versus HO HO HO in this rowdy and raucous holiday guide on how not to meet Santa, from Elise Parsley, the bestselling creator of If You Ever Want to Bring an Alligator to School, DON'T!
If You Ever Want to Bring an Alligator to School, Don't!
by Elise ParsleyNote to self: If your teacher tells you to bring something from nature for show-and-tell, she does not want you to bring an alligator! <P><P>But nothing will stop Magnolia, who's determined to have the best show-and-tell of all--until her reptilian rapscallion starts getting her into some major trouble. <P>Now it's up to Magnolia to find a way to send this troublemaker home--but what could possibly scare an alligator away?
If You Follow Me: A Novel
by Malena Watrous“I love, love, love If You Follow Me. It’s fearlessly honest, occasionally heartbreaking, and extremely funny, and I can’t recommend it highly enough.” — Curtis Sittenfeld, New York Times bestselling author of Prep and American Wife“Graceful, smart, and filled with wonder, If You Follow Me is a heartfelt delight from beginning to end.” — Michelle Richmond, bestselling author of The Year of FogBeautifully wrought and deftly written, If You Follow Me is the stunning debut novel from author Malena Watrous. It tells the story of Marina, who moves to Japan to teach English shortly after her father’s tragic suicide, and finds unexpected solace with her Japanese supervisor and seemingly indifferent neighbors. Fans of the works of Curtis Sittenfeld, Diana Spechler, and Min Jin Lee, as well as those interested in Japanese culture, will love If You Follow Me.
If You Give a Cat a Cupcake
by Laura Joffe NumeroffThe lovable cat who first appeared in "If You Give a Pig a Party" now stars in his very own book--the newest story in the "New York Times"-bestselling series.
If You Give a Kitty a Cocktail (Addicted Animals)
by Sam MiserendinoA raucous parody—DEFINITELY NOT FOR CHILDREN—of the popular If You Give a Mouse a Cookie series, Sam Miserendino and Mike Odum present the third installment of the Addicted Animal Series. Following the success of other adult-themed parodies of children&’s books, author Sam Miserendino presents a delightful tale that will entertain readers with its charming combination of innocence and lack thereof. A humorous play off of the famous If You Give a Moose a Muffin, the book tells the story of a kitty who plunges into a night of adventures and misadventures after she invites her friends over for a cocktail or two...or three. It's a night she'll never forget that she can't even remember. Featuring gorgeous full-color illustrations by illustrator Mike Odum that accompany the text, this heartwarming cautionary tale informs readers of the dangers of mixing alcohol and small mammals.
If You Give a Man a Cookie: A Parody
by Laura Joffe NumeroffIf you give a man a cookie...he's going to want milk to go with it...God forbid he should get it himself.If You Give a Man a Cookie is a woman&’s commentary about her helpless man and the chain of events that leads him on a journey from the bed to the bathroom to the couch and back to bed at nightfall.
If You Give a Moose a Muffin (If You Give...)
by Laura NumeroffIf a big hungry moose comes to visit, you might give him a muffin to make him feel at home. If you give him a muffin, he'll want some jam to go with it. When he's eaten all your muffins, he'll want to go to the store to get some more muffin mix...In this hilarious sequel to the beloved If You Give a Mouse a Cookie, the young host is again run ragged by a surprise guest. Young readers will delight in the comic complications that follow when a little boy entertains a gregarious moose.The If You Give... series is a perennial favorite among children. With its spare, rhythmic text and circular tale, these books are perfect for beginning readers and story time. Sure to inspire giggles and requests to "read it again!"Other favorites in Laura Numeroff and Felicia Bond's bestselling series include:If You Give a Cat a CupcakeIf You Give a Dog a DonutIf You Give a Mouse a CookieIf You Give a Pig a PancakeIf You Give a Pig a Party
If You Give a Mouse a Brownie (If You Give...)
by Laura NumeroffMouse is back in this ninth picture book in the beloved #1 New York Times bestselling If You Give... series! If you give a mouse a brownie, he's going to ask for some ice cream to go with it. When you give him the ice cream, he'll probably ask you for a spoon. He'll start drumming on the table. Drumming will get him so excited he'll want to start a band. . . .Mouse makes his long-anticipated return to the spotlight in this winning picture book from the acclaimed team of Laura Numeroff and Felicia Bond. Fans of If You Give a Mouse a Cookie won't want to miss this!
If You Give a Mouse a Cookie: A Treasury (If You Give...)
by Laura Joffe NumeroffIf a hungry little traveler shows up at your house, you might want to give him a cookie. If you give him a cookie, he's going to ask for a glass of milk. He'll want to look in a mirror to make sure he doesn't have a milk mustache, and then he'll ask for a pair of scissors to give himself a trim....The consequences of giving a cookie to this energetic mouse run the young host ragged, but young readers will come away smiling at the antics that tumble like dominoes through the pages of this delightful picture book.