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Ketchup Is a Vegetable: And Other Lies Moms Tell Themselves
by Robin O'BryantIf you don't have anything nice to say about motherhood, then… read this book. Robin O'Bryant offers a no holds barred look at the day to day life of being a mother to three, running a household and the everyday monotony of parenting. It's not always pretty but it's real. Whether she's stuffing cabbage in her bra… dealing with defiant yet determined daughters… yelling at the F.B.I... or explaining the birds and the bees to her preschooler… you're sure to find dozens of humorous and relatable situations. From the creator of Robin's Chicks, one of the South's most popular blogs on motherhood, misunderstandings and musings, comes a collection of essays that will not only make you laugh and cry, but realize that you're not alone in your journey.Sit back and relax, pour yourself some "mommy juice," throw a fresh diaper on your baby and deadbolt the bedroom door to keep your kids out… because once you start reading you'll be too busy wiping away tears of laughter to wipe anybody's butt.
Kevin Belton's New Orleans Celebrations
by Kevin Belton Rhonda K. FindleyThe hilarious book that the South&’s very own Dolly Parton described as &“fun, informative, and oh-so Southern,&” Talk Southern To Me is a love letter to the South, y&’all. Essays &’bout charm, beauty and style, chewin&’ the fat, love, parenting, and more—full of yes ma&’ams and no sirs, casseroles and cheese balls, taffeta and pom-poms . . . plus more Southern phrases than you can shake a stick at. If you&’re not from the South, bless your heart, pay attention cause there&’s a ton of wisdom to be found in these heartfelt, humorous ways. Southerners speak their own unique version of the English language, and you&’ll come to understand it in these pages. It&’s a linguistic art. And it&’s gooder than grits, y&’all. South Carolina native, Julia Fowler, is the creator of YouTube&’s Southern Women Channel, home of the viral video series, Sh%t Southern Women Say. She is an actor, writer, and producer who has worked in television, film, and on Broadway. She currently resides in Venice Beach, California, and is generally irritated that it&’s void of proper fried okra. Visit her at www.southernwomenchannel.com.
Kevin Keller Vol 1: Welcome to Riverdale (Archie Graphic Novels)
by Dan ParentKevin Keller is sure making a splash at Riverdale High! Recently elected class president, Kevin has gone from new kid in town to one of the most well-known and popular students in school. Struggling to stay on top of his new duties while trying to find time for a social life, Kevin is subject to all the pratfalls and mayhem that have been a staple of high school life in Riverdale for decades. From his first date to his first prom to his first summer job, it's a year of new beginnings for Kevin. In typical Archie fashion, though, nothing goes off without a hitch--particularly when he decides to ask his romantically-challenged friends Archie, Betty, Veronica, Reggie and Jughead for advice! He even has to face the force of nature that is Cheryl Blossom, who can test the mettle of the toughest teens. But if anyone can make it through the chaos of high school unscathed, it's Kevin Keller!
Kevin Keller Vol 2: Drive Me Crazy (Archie Graphic Novels #3)
by Dan ParentKevin Keller sure is making a splash at Riverdale High School! Kevin has gone from the new kid in town to one of the most well-known and popular students in the school! Struggling to stay on top of his new duties while trying to find time for a social life, Kevin deals with the mishaps and mayhem that have always been a staple of high school life in Riverdale. From his first car to first dates to a starring role in a school play (written by Veronica?!) it’s bound to be an eventful year for Kevin. Not to mention a surprise appearance and introduction by none other than George Takei!
Kevin Kramer Starts on Monday
by Debbie GraberKevin Kramer is the new senior vice president of the Products Profit center at Production Solutions. He's worked hard for all his success. It's taken him years to perfect a non-clammy handshake. But Kevin Kramer harbors many dark secrets. In fact, for everyone in these stories, avoiding the truth is a full-time job: An HR manager tries desperately to maintain order, even as the entire software department vanishes under mysterious circumstances. An estranged sister devises her comeback by throwing together a DIY wedding shower. A man who wears a Chewbacca costume feels he is uniquely qualified to divide the world into winners and losers. And a call center representative tries to give himself a pep talk after a particularly egregious client interaction. The satirical short stories in Kevin Kramer Starts on Monday tell the tales of souls adrift in a corporate netherworld. The collection details the delusions the characters wear as comfortably as their khakis and no-iron button downs to skewer corporate culture and more generally, the lies we tell ourselves as humans in order to persevere.
Kevin the Unicorn: It's Not All Rainbows (Kevin the Unicorn)
by Jessika von InnerebnerA unicorn's bad day turns into a laugh-out-loud look at the pressure to be perfect and the importance of expressing your feelingsEveryone knows that unicorns are perfect. They are glamorous and glittery, and their smiles make rainbows appear! But Kevin is having a less-than-perfect day. First, he wakes up on the wrong side of the bed ...on the floor. Then he discovers that his mane is so wild that even his Super-Perfect-Hair-Day-Spray can't tame it. And the day just gets worse from there. Kevin does his best to keep his outlook sunny, but it's hard to keep smiling when everything goes horribly wrong!
Kevin the Unicorn: Why Can't We Be Bestie-corns?
by Jessika von InnerebnerKevin the Unicorn learns that you can't force a friendship in this companion to Kevin The Unicorn: It's Not All RainbowsWhen a new unicorn moves in next door, Kevin is certain he's about to make a new magically awesome best friend. After all, everyone loves unicorns (especially other unicorns)! But it turns out Eric loves scary movies (eek!) and clam juice (blech!) and he doesn't like camping or skateboarding or any of the activities Kevin adores. In fact, apart from his sparkly mane and radiant horn, Eric doesn't have all that much in common with Kevin. Could it be that Eric and Kevin aren't destined to be the best of buds?
Key Lardo
by Bruce HaleHold on to your fedoras, Gecko fans: Chet and Natalie have at last met their sleuthing match. That's right--a new detective has arrived at Emerson Hicky Elementary. His name's Bland. James Bland. Bland immediately cracks a case that has baffled Chet and Natalie. Do our favorite PIs get jealous? You'd better believe it! And if this wasn't bad enough, when Bland suddenly goes missing, the blame falls squarely on Chet. The only way for our hero to clear his name is to rescue his tubby rival. It's either that or face a stint behind bars--and we're not talking the jungle gym. This twelfth installment in Bruce Hale's Chet Gecko series is full of the hilarious characters, witty one-liners, and fast-paced mystery that have made Chet a favorite with middle grade readers.
Kick Butt and Other Advice on Aging
by Jerry Van AmerongenKick Butt is a special collection of aging cartoons from the Ballard Street cartoon panel. The droopy people of Ballard Street have an unmistakable, if not energetic, approach to aging that&’s sure to elicit a chuckle from even the moodiest of birthday honorees.Van Amerongen sees &“each cartoon panel as a little movie scene, and we&’re looking at a single frame from a small piece of film—something happened prior to our peek, and something&’s going to happen afterward.&”&“Most cartoonists ignore the graphic possibilities of the comic strip, but Jerry Van Amerongen understands that a picture can be the funniest part of the story. On a comics page crammed with crudely drawn characters who never move, it&’s a pleasure to see Jerry&’s seriously disturbed middle-aged suburbanites. Each panel is deftly composed to let the reader piece together the story behind the caption. Here at last is a strip that&’s fun to look at.&” —Bill Watterson, creator of Calvin and Hobbes
Kick Me: Adventures in Adolescence
by Paul FeigThe creator of the cult classic TV series, "Freaks and Geeks," offers a truly hilarious and blisteringly honest look at his real-life high school experiences to which every adult can relate.
Kick the Ball, Marcie!
by Charles M. SchulzIt's football season and Peppermint Patty wants to organize a team. When she tries to teach Marcie how to punt, block, and tackle, the results are hilarious--and painful--as Marcie pulls Peppermint Patty's hair and tackles a tree. Will she ever learn to play football?
Kicking Up Dirt: A True Story of Determination, Deafness, and Daring
by Ashley Fiolek Caroline RyderAt nineteen, Ashley Fiolek is already the top female competitor in a tough men's sport: motocross, a form of off-road motorcycle racing that is one of the most competitive and dangerous extreme sports in the world. Since going pro in late 2007, Fiolek has taken gold at the X Games, won the American Women's Motocross Championship twice, and become the first woman in American motocross history to be signed to a factory team—the highest echelon of industry backing. But Fiolek's rise has not come without obstacles. Fiolek was born profoundly deaf, a handicap that makes everyday life difficult—and competition on the track downright dangerous. Originally misdiagnosed as "mildly retarded," she was a painfully shy and introverted child—until her parents introduced her to the world of dirt bikes, which helped her escape the silence in her head and connect with others who shared her passion. She began racing at seven, and as her successes grew through hard work and no small number of broken bones, so did her confidence.Fiolek has never believed her disability should stand in the way of her dreams. Nor has she allowed her gender to limit her career—motocross historically has been a men's sport, but with the love and support of her dirt-obsessed family, including her "Grandpa Motorcycle," her little brother, Kicker, and her dogs, Turbo and Rocco, Ashley has emerged as one of the sport's most talked-about stars, changing the way the entire industry views women. Armed with her extraordinary talent, contagious grin, and deep faith in God, Fiolek continues to venture into unknown territory, relentlessly pushing herself—and women's motocross—to ever-greater heights.Kicking Up Dirt is a remarkable, inspiring tale of a young woman's courage and determination to succeed in the face of truly challenging obstacles.
Kid Amazing vs. the Blob
by Josh SchneiderKid Amazing’s secret base is equipped with every gadget a superhero needs to defeat evil, but there is one villain who remains elusive—the Blob (a.k.a. his baby sister). Will Kid discover the superpower needed to defeat her before the entire city succumbs to her stink and slime? From Theodor Seuss Geisel Award winner Josh Schneider, this reassuring take on a common childhood issue proves that laughter can defuse even the most epic sibling rivalries.
Kid Christmas Rides Again
by Eric ArvinThese are the epic adventures of Kid Christmas! The unthinkable has happened: the Jolly Old Elf himself keeled over, and the Committee to Oversee the Christening of Kringle (COCK) had to find a replacement. Enter the Kid: a lot more fit, a little less clumsy, and quite a sight in that tight red uniform. His mission to deliver Christmas around the world is threatened as he fights the evil Snow Globes, but all is not lost as he escapes traps, finds love (and more love, and more love) with Johnny Longjohns, and stops at a disco on his quest to reclaim his magic sled, the Claus 3000. Hold on tight: this humorous romp may have you spitting your eggnog!This novella includes the previously released short story Kid Christmas Meets Snow Globes and the original three graphic images by Absolutbleu plus 10,000 words of new erotic adventures and 4 new Absolutbleu illustrations.LOL! No wait, that isn't good enough. ROFLMAO! Yeah that's better. This story is a level of humor that is truly brilliant. Laugh out loud, spray your drink all over, spit through your nose brilliant. The story is hilarious and is filled with every euphemism you can possibly imagine. This is a racy adult tale filled with dirty sexual innuendos and it's rauncy and fun and a laugh riot. I loved the humor and am convinced that Eric is the kind of guy you want to have around when you need a good laugh. ...If you need a good laugh, grab this story for a quick read that will have you rolling on the floor and laughing out loud. - Enigmatically Emily
Kid Swap
by Michael Lawrence Ellis NadlerJiggy is horrified to hear that his parents have signed him up for a reality TV show called Kid Swap. He is to move in with another family and everything he does will be filmed. Sadly, most of what he does while the camera is pointing his way is not the kind of thing he wants to share with millions of total strangers. And then, on top of it all, there's his bizarre skin problem...Find out how Jiggy copes with TV fame andflick the pages for a disgusting dinner!
Kid Swap (Jiggy McCue #10)
by Michael LawrenceJiggy is horrified to hear that his parents have signed him up for a reality TV show called Kid Swap. He is to move in with another family and everything he does will be filmed. Sadly, most of what he does while the camera is pointing his way is not the kind of thing he wants to share with millions of total strangers. And then, on top of it all, there's his bizarre skin problem...Find out how Jiggy copes with TV fame andflick the pages for a disgusting dinner!
Kid the Goat Won't Wear His Christmas Coat
by Lana StennerThis romping Christmas tale is a kid-approved reminder to wear your winter coat! Lana Stenner of the Grace-Filled Homestead (which is also filled with goats, chickens, and sheep) shares this hilarious story about a young goat who would rather stay in his pajamas than wear his coat at Christmastime.Kid the Goat runs to the Christmas tree to open his presents and saves the biggest for last. What could be inside such a big box? After ripping off—and snacking on—the wrapping paper, Kid opens the box and finds . . . a winter coat. Clothes for Christmas? What a bu-u-ummer! When Kid refuses to wear his coat, Maa-a-a makes Kid stay inside while the rest of the family enjoys Christmas Day outside. How can Kid make ice skating, building snowmen, sledding, and caroling just as fun while inside the house by himself?Filled with cute and cuddly artwork, this relatable and laugh-out-loud rhyming storyis for ages 0 to 4,shows kids the consequences of not dressing for the weather, andis a perfect gift for Christmas and Advent.Grab a copy for your coat-averse children today. They will Totes McGotes love this book!
Kidnapped for His Royal Duty: A Contemporary Royal Romance (Stolen Brides #6)
by Jane PorterHe needs a substitute bride…And she will be his queen!When desert prince Dal’s convenient bride is stolen, he must find a replacement—immediately. Suddenly shy secretary Poppy is kidnapped by her merciless boss and whisked away to his kingdom. She’s shocked to find herself willingly surrendering to his expert seduction! But when it becomes clear that Dal has more than pleasure in mind, will Poppy be persuaded to accept his royal proposal?
Kidnapped! (Forbidden Fantasies)
by Jo LeighOkay, it's certainly an unconventional way for Manhattanheiress Tate Baxter to conquer her fears. But when yourwhole life takes place behind the tinted windows of a limoand your household staff are all gun-toting ex-CIA, drasticmeasures have to be taken. Especially when one memberof that staff has got her all hot and bothered. Chauffeur Michael Caulfield has just one assignment-keeping Tate safe. But when she's kidnapped for real,the only way he can save her is to become a prisonerwith her. He may be just "the help," but as her take-chargeprotector, he's the Michael of her sexual fantasies.Maybe a man she can trust and even dare to love?Except once out of his uniform, he isn't exactly layingbare all his secrets...to Tate.
Kids Are Turds: Brutally Honest Humor for the Pooped-Out Parent
by Jenny SchoberlWhen do you know for sure that you’ve become a parent? For Jenny Schoberl, it wasn’t when a human fell out of her lady parts or the first time her baby said "Mama.” It was when she found herself, a grown woman, hiding in the bathroom to eat a candy bar, just so she didn’t have to share. <p><p> Parenthood changes people’s lives in horrifying and inevitable ways. No matter how hard you resist, you soon find yourself being that parent far too often to deny it. It won’t be long before mom jeans and minivans are calling your name.Discussing bowel movements over dinner? Guilty. Peeing with an audience? Check. Grocery shopping alone? Sounds like a tropical vacation! Watching cartoons hours after the kids have gone to bed? Now your only hobby!What do you do when motherhood turns you into someone you hardly recognize? When you open your mouth and, holy hell, your mother comes out? <p> Kids Are Turds proves that you don’t need to be Super-Mom to be a "good” mom (whatever that is), but you absolutely do need a sense of humor to get through the hard days. Either that, or you can give in, yank up your mom jeans, and rock a mile-long camel toe. So for the love of retinas everywhere, be strong!
Kids Are Weird
by Jeffrey BrownAs he's shown in his previous hugely popular books, Jeffrey Brown has a real gift for finding humor in quirky yet universal truths. Now the bestselling author of Darth Vader and Son and Vader's Little Princess brings his witty comic observations to terrestrial parenting in this perceptive book celebrating the more surreal moments of raising a child. In charming colorful panels, Brown wryly illustrates his fiveyear- old son's take on the world around him, from watching TV ("Elton John looks pretty in that shirt") to playing with toys ("This truck can survive on very little water") to odd requests ("Don't feel happy at me"), capturing the sweetly weird times that mothers and fathers everywhere experience with their own curious, pure-minded kids.
Kids Are Weird: And Other Observations from Parenthood
by Jeffrey BrownAs he's shown in his previous hugely popular books, Jeffrey Brown has a real gift for finding humor in quirky yet universal truths. Now the bestselling author of Darth Vader and Son and Vader's Little Princess brings his witty comic observations to terrestrial parenting in this perceptive book celebrating the more surreal moments of raising a child. In charming colorful panels, Brown wryly illustrates his fiveyear- old son's take on the world around him, from watching TV ("Elton John looks pretty in that shirt") to playing with toys ("This truck can survive on very little water") to odd requests ("Don't feel happy at me"), capturing the sweetly weird times that mothers and fathers everywhere experience with their own curious, pure-minded kids.
Kids Pick The Funniest Poems: Poems That Make Kids Laugh (Giggle Poetry)
by Bruce Lansky Stephen CarpenterBetcha laugh!This is one of the most popular collections of funny poetry for kids ever published. It's a classic because it's the first collection of poems selected by kids! It includes clever creations from some of the most popular names in children's poetry, including Bill Dodds, Timothy Tocher, Joyce Armor, Robert Pottle, Bruce Lansky, and Kenn Nesbitt. Humorous illustrations by Stephen Carpenter make this book even better.
Kids' Klangers: The Funny Things That Children Say
by Richard BensonThe world is a confusing place, especially for children, and their innocent observations and questions can be side-splittingly hilarious. They can also be a tiny bit embarrassing if you're, say, behind an elderly gentleman at a busy checkout and your little angel asks you...'is that man all wrinkly because he's been in the bath too long?'
Kids' Klangers: The Funny Things That Children Say
by Richard BensonThe world is a confusing place, especially for children, and their innocent observations and questions can be side-splittingly hilarious. They can also be a tiny bit embarrassing if you're, say, behind an elderly gentleman at a busy checkout and your little angel asks you...'is that man all wrinkly because he's been in the bath too long?'