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Man Walks into a Bar: Over 6,000 of the Most Hilarious Jokes, Funniest Insults and Gut-Busting One-Liners
by Stephen Arnott Mike HaskinsLarge Joke Book
Man Who Scared A Shark To Death
by Noel Boivin Christopher LombardoA British comedian, drunk on a gallon of wine, takes a one-pound bet to jump, completely naked, into an aquarium filled with sharks and stingrays, causing one of them to die of stress. An American man goes on such an astonishing bender he believes his girlfriend's claim that they got married while under the influence and only becomes suspicious when she is unable to produce a marriage certificate during the following seven years. Russian troops get so wasted that it seems like a good idea to make a little extra cash by selling off their tank ... to Chechen rebels. The true stories in The Man Who Scared a Shark to Death, taken from news reports around the world, serve as both cautionary tales (don't agree to "help out" with a stranger's robbery, even if he seems like a really nice guy) and comforting perspective (at least you've never woken up in a trash compactor). However cringe-making your own most embarrassing drunken moment might be, at least you're not the man who caught his privates in a mousetrap--twice.
Man Without a Badge (Lawman #7)
by Dani SinclairHe'd been stripped of everything...Detective Sam Moore had lost his badge, his job, his dignity. Now he was a fugitive, headed both for Marly Kramer's horse farm and for Marly's young charge, an eleven-year-old eyewitness to the murder of which Sam had been accused....Marly had been looking for a strong, hardy horseman. Soon enough, the way Sam filled out a Stetson and jeans convinced her she needed Sam. But then she began to suspect the horrible truth-that Sam had really come, not for her, but for the young child she'd sworn to protect.LAWMAN-There's nothing sexier than the strong arms of the law!
Man from Mundania (The Xanth Novels)
by Piers AnthonyWhen a princess from Xanth ventures to Mundania, she discovers an unexpected world of wonder in the New York Times–bestselling fantasy series.When Prince Dolph set out to find the Good Magician Humphrey, he wound up betrothed to two different women. With the magician still missing, his older sister Princess Ivy takes up the quest—and she’s bringing her brother’s co-fiancées along for the adventure. First they must retrieve a stolen magic mirror from the evil machine Com-Pewter. But when they try to transport themselves to Humphrey’s location, they find themselves in Mundania—in the company of a computer-loving college kid who’s looking for love.Grey Murphy is an ordinary guy who hopes a new computer program will find him his perfect match. When he meets Ivy, he’s sure she’s the one despite her claims that she is a princess from a fantasy world called Xanth. When Grey follows Ivy back home, his scientific skepticism soon reveals aspects of Xanth that nobody could have imagined—and the astonishing truth about the supposedly ordinary Grey.
Man of the Year: A Memoir
by Lou Cove"Hilarious and poignant" — People MagazineFor one 1970’s family, the center may not hold, but it certainly does fold.In 1978 Jimmy Carter mediates the Camp David Accords, Fleetwood Mac tops charts with Rumours, Starsky fights crime with Hutch, and twelve-year-old Lou Cove is uprooted from the Upper West Side of Manhattan to Salem, Massachusetts– a backwater town of witches, Puritans, and sea-captain wannabes. After his eighth move in a dozen years, Lou figures he should just resign himself to a teenage purgatory of tedious paper routes, school bullies, and unrequited lust for every girl he likes. Then one October morning an old friend of Lou’s father, free-wheeling (and free-loving) Howie Gordon arrives at the Cove doorstep from California with his beautiful wife Carly. Howie is everything Lou wants to be: handsome as a movie star, built like a god and in possession of an unstoppable confidence. Then, over Thanksgiving dinner, Howie drops a bombshell. Holding up an issue of Playgirl Magazine, he flips to the center and there he is, Mr. November in all his natural glory. Howie has his eye on becoming the next Burt Reynolds, and a wild idea for how to do it: win Playgirl’s Man of the Year. And he knows just who should manage his campaign. As Lou and Howie canvas Salem for every vote in town – little old ladies at bridge club, the local town witch, construction workers on break and everyone in between – Lou is forced to juggle the perils of adolescence with the pursuit of Hollywood stardom. Man of the Year is the improbable true story of Lou’s thirteenth year, one very unusual campaign, and the unexpected guest who changes everything.
Man vs. Baby: The Chaos and Comedy of Real-Life Parenting
by Matt CoyneFrom a “hero for dads everywhere” (Daily Mirror), a hilarious, insightful, and heartfelt take on parenting based on a viral blog post that Ashton Kutcher called, “one of the best descriptions of fatherhood I’ve ever read.”One evening, while his three-month-old son Charlie briefly slept, Matt Coyne staggered to his desk, opened his laptop, and wrote a side-splittingly funny Facebook post about early fatherhood: Comparing his diaper-changing skills to that of a Formula One pit crew, birth to a Saw movie, and the sound of a baby crying at 3am to “having the inside of your skill sandpapered by an angry Viking,” he shared his observations with friends and family—and soon, to his surprise, the world. In the spirit of that post, which became an instant sensation, Man vs. Baby is the tale of one man’s journey through the first year of parenthood, told with wit, humor, and heart. Part memoir, part tell-it-like-it-is parenting book, this is a ferociously funny, inventively foul-mouthed, and genuinely touching account of a baby’s first year, filled with relatable references to Harry Potter, McDonalds, and the villain in Die Hard. Matt covers everything you need to know, from labor (a good time to play “profanity bingo”) to what you might find in your baby’s diaper, a catalogue that includes The Phantom, The Expressionist, and The Jeff Goldblum. Capturing both the comic helplessness of new fatherhood and his deep love and admiration for his partner Lyndsay and child, Matt’s story will appeal to anyone who has a baby—or is even contemplating the idea. Whether you’re looking for a reprieve from the news cycle or a reminder of what’s most important in life, Man vs. Baby will have you laughing out loud—and, if you’re a new mother or father, filled with relief at being truly understood. A fresh take on the bewilderment and joy of having a baby from a rip-roaringly talented new voice, this combination memoir and advice book is sure to charm parents everywhere.
Man vs. Child: One Dad's Guide to the Weirdness of Parenting
by Doug MoeA fresh, funny and practical guide to being a dad: “a delightful and helpful book that gives real advice about the Wild West world of raising children" (Amy Poehler).Most first-time fathers are intimidated by their terrifying new job of raising another human. But while most modern fathering guides center on men's oafish parental failings, comedian and author Doug Moe forgoes condescension in favor of fresh insight and irreverent wit.Man vs. Child tackles the real issues faced by modern dads—like how to be a good parent without becoming a BabyBjörn-wearing tool, or what to do if your child loves your iPad more than they love you. From caring for a newborn to dealing with a kid on the verge of adolescence, Moe breaks fatherhood down into survival lessons like "Time to Decide About God" and ask dads to reflect on perennial parenting questions like "Is My Child Too Annoying for This Restaurant?"Balancing relatable humor with heartfelt advice, Man vs. Child will appeal to any dad looking for both laughs and real guidance from a man who has had—and survived—these experiences himself.
Man vs. Hair: 60 Tutorials for Handsome Hair and Stubble
by Kieron WebbMan vs. Hair is your step-by-step guide to the latest and greatest in men's hairstyling and facial hair grooming.Groomed hair is a red-hot street style for men, inspired by bloggers, sports stars, actors, and models. With Man vs. Hair you can learn just how they do it. This is a collection of sixty fashionable men's hairstyles and facial hair looks. Step-by-step tutorials featuring simple how-to illustrations take the guesswork out of styling, while on-trend fashion photography demonstrates how to wear each 'do. With advice for different haircuts, types, and lengths, plus plenty of grooming tips, Man vs. Hair is the ultimate resource for amazing beards, braids, sideburns, mustaches, man buns, buzzcuts, and much more!Sharply packaged and easy to use, this is an ideal gift for any man of style.
Man's 4th Best Hospital
by Samuel ShemThe sequel to the bestselling and highly acclaimed The House of GodYears after the events of The House of God, the Fat Man has been given leadership over a new Future of Medicine Clinic at what is now only Man's 4th Best Hospital, and has persuaded Dr. Roy Basch and some of his intern cohorts to join him to teach a new generation of interns and residents. In a medical landscape dominated by computer screens and corrupted by money, they have one goal: to make medicine humane again. What follows is a mesmerizing, heartbreaking, and hilarious exploration of how the health-care industry, and especially doctors, have evolved over the past thirty years.
Man's Best Friend
by Alana B. LytleA failed actress must decide how much she will give up—and what lies she will overlook—in order to live a life of luxury, in this irresistibly suspenseful and slightly surreal debut that is The Talented Mr. Ripley meets Nightbitch.Ever since her year as a scholarship student among the ultra-wealthy at a Manhattan private school, El knows what it is like to feel rich—to feel chosen. And being not chosen is her current living nightmare: at age thirty, she has given up her dream of becoming a famous actress, she has no passions, no great love, nothing to look forward to.Then El meets a mysterious trust-fund Cambridge grad who holds the keys to the world she has long dreamed of. Bryce may not be particularly good-looking, charming, or interesting, but he has chosen her. El allows herself to be lulled by the ease and safety that his wealth provides, becoming Bryce&’s little pet, and giving up her job, friends, and apartment in short order. But when a series of disturbing and slightly surreal events reveal that Bryce is not quite what he seems, but something entirely more sinister, El must face the consequences when his darkness—and her own—are unleashed.
Man, I Hate Cursive: Cartoons for People and Advanced Bears
by Jim BentonJim Benton's first cartoon collection was nominated for an Eisner. This new volume collects more of Jim's most popular strips from Reddit, shining a light on talking animals, relationships, fart jokes, and death. From whimsical to cutting, from gross to poignant, Benton's grasp of the form is on full and hilarious display.
Man-Eating Typewriter
by Richard Milward'A major talent' Irvine Welsh'Remarkable, beautiful, magic. Like Ulysses for those who can't cope with reading Ulysses' Paolo Hewitt'We're all in the gutter but some of us are ogling the sparkles.'Set at the fag-end of the 1960s and framed as a novel within a novel published by a seedy London purveyor of pulp fiction, MAN-EATING TYPEWRITER is a homage to the avant-garde counterculture of the 20th century. Told in Polari, it is the story of an anarchist named Raymond Novak and his plan to commit a 'fantabulosa crime' in 276 days that will revolt the world. A surrealistic odyssey that stretches from occupied Paris to the cruise-liner SS Unmentionable to lawless Tangier before settling in Swinging London, the book casts Novak as an agitator and freedom fighter - but, as his memoirs become more and more threatening, his publishers find themselves far more involved in his violent personality cult than they ever intended.Constructed like a hallucinogenic cocktail of A Clockwork Orange, Pale Fire and Jean Genet's jailbird fantasies, MAN-EATING TYPEWRITER is an act of seductive sedition by a writer with unfathomable literary talent and boldness. Wild, transgressive, erotic and resolutely uncompromising, this marks the return of a writer who is out there on an island of his own making; a book that will be talked about, celebrated and puzzled over for decades.
Man-Eating Typewriter: Shortlisted for the Goldsmiths Prize 2023
by Richard Milward'A major talent' Irvine Welsh'Remarkable, beautiful, magic. Like Ulysses for those who can't cope with reading Ulysses' Paolo Hewitt'We're all in the gutter but some of us are ogling the sparkles.'Set at the fag-end of the 1960s and framed as a novel within a novel published by a seedy London purveyor of pulp fiction, MAN-EATING TYPEWRITER is a homage to the avant-garde counterculture of the 20th century. Told in Polari, it is the story of an anarchist named Raymond Novak and his plan to commit a 'fantabulosa crime' in 276 days that will revolt the world. A surrealistic odyssey that stretches from occupied Paris to the cruise-liner SS Unmentionable to lawless Tangier before settling in Swinging London, the book casts Novak as an agitator and freedom fighter - but, as his memoirs become more and more threatening, his publishers find themselves far more involved in his violent personality cult than they ever intended.Constructed like a hallucinogenic cocktail of A Clockwork Orange, Pale Fire and Jean Genet's jailbird fantasies, MAN-EATING TYPEWRITER is an act of seductive sedition by a writer with unfathomable literary talent and boldness. Wild, transgressive, erotic and resolutely uncompromising, this marks the return of a writer who is out there on an island of his own making; a book that will be talked about, celebrated and puzzled over for decades.
Man-amorphosis
by Rick R. ReedI awoke one morning from uneasy dreams to find my penis had transformed itself into a vagina ...Thus begins the story of a very unusual day in the life of one utterly baffled gay man. After the shock wears off about his new genitalia, this promiscuous, fun-loving gay man wonders how he can take advantage of his bizarre gift. Bagging a straight man is the first thing that comes to mind. Well, actually bagging whole battalions of straight men ...There's only one problem: while he now has his very own love taco, he has none of the customary toppings to go with it. Enter Pete Thickwhistle, friend and drag artist extraordinaire.Pete quickly sets about making his friend's appearance go from butch man to convincing female as fast as you can say "Max Factor." Rick, now Rickie, sets off on his quest for straight-man flesh. Little does he know that what awaits is not his lust's desire, but his heart's. Rickie finds that when you go out looking just for sex, you may end up with something a lot more substantial ...
Manalive
by G. K. ChestertonPerhaps the most light-hearted of all Chesterton's "serious" works, Manalive pits a group of disillusioned young people against Mr. Innocent Smith, a bubbly, high-spirited gentleman who literally falls into their midst. Accused of murder and denounced for repeatedly marrying his wife and attempting to live in various houses (all of which turn out to be his own), Smith prompts his newfound acquaintances to recognize an important idea: that life is worth living.
Manchester City Ruined My Life
by Colin ShindlerColin Shindler has previously written of his deep love for Manchester City in the bestselling Manchester United Ruined My Life and three other previous books. Now he tells the story of his sorrowful disenchantment with his home town club as, on the instruction of its new foreign owners, it turns itself remorselessly into a global brand. Trophyless since 1976, in 2011 Manchester City won the FA Cup and set off on their quest for the Premiership and the Champions League. In their zeal to win every competition the new Manchester City has spent money with wild abandon, signing outstandingly talented players as well as a few ordinary ones but in almost every case at hugely inflated prices. From the nail-biting win over Gillingham in the League Two Play Off final at Wembley in 1999 to the climax of the 2011 season, Shindler watches his team get steadily more successful and, to his own bewilderment, feels steadily more alienated from it. This is the story of a frustrated romantic who finds in the glitz and glamour of the current media-obsessed game a helter-skelter of artificially fabricated excitement. As he details how football courses through his veins Shindler tells how it intersects with his own life, a life that has been marked by family tragedy, and how he finally found personal redemption even as his team lost its soul.
Manchester City Ruined My Life
by Colin ShindlerColin Shindler has previously written of his deep love for Manchester City in the bestselling Manchester United Ruined My Life and three other previous books. Now he tells the story of his sorrowful disenchantment with his home town club as, on the instruction of its new foreign owners, it turns itself remorselessly into a global brand. Trophyless since 1976, in 2011 Manchester City won the FA Cup and set off on their quest for the Premiership and the Champions League. In their zeal to win every competition the new Manchester City has spent money with wild abandon, signing outstandingly talented players as well as a few ordinary ones but in almost every case at hugely inflated prices. From the nail-biting win over Gillingham in the League Two Play Off final at Wembley in 1999 to the climax of the 2011 season, Shindler watches his team get steadily more successful and, to his own bewilderment, feels steadily more alienated from it. This is the story of a frustrated romantic who finds in the glitz and glamour of the current media-obsessed game a helter-skelter of artificially fabricated excitement. As he details how football courses through his veins Shindler tells how it intersects with his own life, a life that has been marked by family tragedy, and how he finally found personal redemption even as his team lost its soul.
Mandoa, Mandoa!: A Comedy of Irrelevance (Virago Modern Classics #211)
by Winifred HoltbyMandoa is a small African state. At its head a virgin princess conceives (immaculately) further princesses. The old traditions are undisturbed until the Lord High Chamberlain visits Addis and discovers baths and cocktail shakers, motor cars and telephones. This is 1931.
Mandy is still a Banana
by Zoe ArenaMandy is a banana. A yellow, bendy, half-moon-shaped banana. The problem is, Mandy doesn't want to be a banana. She would rather be a prickly pineapple like Pedro, a round watermelon like Wilhelmina, or - frankly - ANYTHING other than a banana. It takes a plucky little blueberry called Blip to help Mandy focus on her 'haves' rather than her 'have-nots' and to celebrate what makes her so unique, so bendy, so brilliant and so absolutely, utterly . . . BANANA!A quirky celebration of learning to love the skin you're in, featuring an all-star cast of fruit-bowl friends. Heartwarming and funny in equal measure, Mandy is Still a Banana is guaranteed to be a hit with little ones and adults alike.
Manfried Saves the Day: A Graphic Novel (Manfried the Man #2)
by Caitlin MajorIn this hilarious graphic novel, the roles of cats and humans are reversed, putting humanoid felines in charge of tiny, dimwitted little man-pets. Manfried the Man was named one of the Best Comics of 2018 by A.V. Club and PasteCan a pet man who spends most of his time eating and sleeping take first prize at the Manflower Man Show? If not, the local shelter for stray men will be forced to shut down forever! Based on the hilarious webcomic, this sequel to Manfried the Man is an all-new stand-alone story that can be enjoyed by followers of the series and new fans alike.
Mango Bridge Club: Double Dealing
by Annette CorkhillBridge players are a strange, obsessed bunch. So, at least, think the fruit bats that hang upside down in the mango trees outside Mango Bridge Club, observing with incredulity as the seniors stare at bits of cardboard and appear to derive from this activity their own peculiar brand of grim pleasure.No wonder. The bridge club is their life. It is the reason they get up in the morning, the reason they go to bed without despair. But the elderly members soon find their beloved club under attack from destructive forces both within and without. The warring committee is bent on achieving absolutely nothing, and the club faces an existential threat from a dodgy shire councillor and his allies - a professor of sexology with a keen interest in ostrich sexual discourses, and a misogynistic erotic robot inventor with a depressed goldfish. Add to the mix the odd explosive bridge player not too happy with partner's play, a badly behaved octogenarian, and a romance between the unpopular club president and a beautiful newcomer to the town, and the members of Mango Bridge Club find themselves with dilemmas fit only for super sleuth bridge players.
Manhattan Dreaming
by Anita HeissFrom award-winning Wiradyuri author, Anita Heiss, comes a fun, light-hearted and empowering story featuring a deadly Koori heroine who is forced to choose between her dream job and the man of her dreams. Lauren is a curator at the National Aboriginal Gallery in Canberra. She's good at her job, passionate about the arts, and focused on her work – that is, when she's not focusing on Adam, halfback for the Canberra Cockatoos. But Adam is a player, both on and off the field. Lauren knows he's the one, but he doesn't seem to feel the same way about her. If she just waits long enough, though, surely he'll realise how much he needs her? Then her boss offers her the chance of a lifetime – a fellowship at the Smithsonian in New York. Lauren has to make some big decisions: the man or Manhattan?
Manhattan Lullaby
by Olivia De GroveWhen a girl with a cockscomb of pink hair, wearing a red balloon skirt and army boots, drops off a surprise "gift" during Bradley and Janie's wedding, a saga of chaotic hilarity is set in motion. Who is the baby cooing beneath the folds of tissue paper in the Bloomingdale's bag? Will the CEO of an internationally successful pet products corporation take him in? What about Maxine, from the famous advice column "Dear Maxine," who is a dating disaster? Perhaps there had been a mistake at the sperm bank where the receptionist plays her own version of Sex in the City. Maybe the father of the "groom" at a Yorkshire terrier wedding will provide a haven for this bundle in a bag. Or will the hard-hearted social worker take the baby away from them all?
Manhood
by Terry CrewsFrom NFL player turned film and TV star Terry Crews comes a wise and warmhearted memoir chronicling his lifelong quest to become a good man, loving husband, and responsible father. What does it mean to be a man? Terry Crews, TV's iconic "Old Spice Guy" and co-star of the hit Golden Globe Award-winning series Brooklyn Nine-Nine, has spent decades seeking the answer to that question. In Manhood, he shares what he's learned, telling the amazing story of his rise to fame and offering straight-talking advice for men and the women who love them. A self-described "super-driven superstar alpha male," Terry Crews embodies the manly ideal for millions worldwide. But as he looks back on his difficult childhood and shares hard-learned lessons from the many humbling experiences he endured to get where he is today, he shows how his own conception of manhood is constantly evolving. Crews offers up a lively, clear-eyed account of the ups and downs of his twenty-five-year marriage, revealing the relationship secrets that have kept it going--and the one dark secret that nearly tore it apart. Along the way, he shares his evolving appreciation for looking good, staying fit, and getting it done for the people you love. Being a man is about more than keeping your core strong. It's about keeping your core values stronger. With insightful observations on spirituality, work, and family, Terry Crews shows men how to face their inner demons, seek forgiveness from those they've wronged, and tear down the walls that prevent them from forging meaningful relationships with others. From the NFL gridiron to the Hollywood backlot, Terry Crews has survived it all with his sense of humor--and his marriage--intact. In Manhood he shows men everywhere that real strength is not measured in muscle mass--unless that muscle is the heart.From the Hardcover edition.
Manic Pixie Dream Earl (Earls Trip)
by Jenny HolidayTed Lasso meets Bridgerton for a 19th century spin on The Hangover in USA Today bestselling author Jenny Holiday&’s laugh-out-loud bromantic comedy featuring three Regency-era Earls on their annual trip—ride-or-die buddies offering one another unconditional support in everything from Lady problems to family woes—especially when this trip is crashed by one earl&’s pen pal. The complicated fallout from his alter ego being exposed may just be the most challenging problem the boys have to solve yet! From the author of CANADIAN BOYFRIEND, the perfect romp for fans of Evie Dunmore, India Holton, Virginia Heath, Manda Collins, and Suzanne Allain!An annual earls&’ trip should provide an escape from a gentleman&’s cares, but in this refreshingly modern Regency-era series, three handsome BFFs find that wherever they go, romantic complications follow . . . When not writing, poet Edward Astley, Viscount Featherfinch, spends his time fending off the young ladies of the ton—and some of its young men—and avoiding his cruel father. As heir to the earldom, Edward knows he must marry someday. Alas, he is already hopelessly in love with someone. Hopeless because not only is Miss Julianna Evans not a member of the aristocracy, she is employed. She is a magazine editor—the only one to publish his work. Also, in all their years of increasingly personal correspondence, they&’ve never met. Also, she thinks he&’s a woman. Named Euphemia. Julianna is baffled. How can her soul mate not want to meet? Could it be that Euphemia is not the simple country girl she claims to be? Perhaps she&’s wealthy. After all, she&’s never cashed any of the bank drafts Julianna has sent. Perhaps Euphemia simply doesn&’t want rank to come between them. Well, no more. Having extracted the details of a trip Euphemia is planning, Julianna squanders her meager savings and surprises her at the scene. He is very, very surprised. As is she. Now the two will have to decide what is true, what is not, and whether the truest thing of all—love—just might be worth an earldom . . .