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Mommyfesto: We Solemnly Swear ($%*!) . . . Because We Have Kids: A Book about the Reality of Parenting
by Leanne ShirtliffeThe goal of parenting is to train your children to have slightly better manners than a dog. If you've achieved that by the end of day (or even if you've failed majestically trying), it is important to celebrate the little things. Like bedtime. And screw-top wine. And with Mommyfesto, by award-winning humor blogger Leanne Shirtliffe, you'll learn the nitty-gritty about what it means to be a real parent. Without resorting to stereotypical "poo and pee jokes," Shirtliffe finds humor in the insanity of raising children and celebrates using how-to-parent-like-an-expert books as paperweights for your child's art collection in the recycling bin. Mommyfesto contains more than 150 realistic (and downright humorous) truths about parenting, such as: A Band-Aid and a kiss solve most daily crises. So does talking like a pirate. Expectations of child rearing should be thrown out the window. It's better than throwing out your child. If you can survive parented piano lessons, you can survive a zombie apocalypse. And much more!Mommyfesto offers parents the opportunity to laugh at the absurdity of childrearing and to realize there is no right way to do it. Blank pages in the back of the book encourage moms (and dads, too!) to add their beliefs--whether bizarre, funny, or even serious--to the book, making this a go-to guide for generations of crazed parents.Leanne's blog, IronicMom.com, was recently declared the Best Humour Blog by the Canadian Weblog Awards, a juried competition. IronicMom.com garners 8,000-13,000 hits per month and has been featured on high-traffic sites such as The Christian Science Monitor, ProBlogger, Wordpress' home page, Canadian Family, CBC, the Calgary Herald, and Sweet Mama. IronicMom.com was recognized as one of the top five new blogs by the Canadian Weblog Awards (2010) and as the top parenting blog in Calgary (a city of over 1 million people) and as the Most Laugh-Out-Loud Funny blog by Sweet Mama, a popular Canadian website.
Moms Who Drink and Swear
by Nicole KnepperIf you feel like your kids are killing you, you've come to the right place. Attention all potty-mouthed, cheap-wine-drinking mothers: Prepare to meet your match. Any bad thought you've had about your kids, Nicole Knepper has had worse. Much worse. It's not that she doesn't love her kids. It's that she understands what a mind-f*?% it can be to try to civilize those wild little beasts. Based on her hugely popular Facebook page, "Moms Who Drink and Swear," this book reveals why family dinners are like herpes, how to avoid smashing toys that are being fought over, and the joy of hearing that your son has murdered his imaginary friend. As Nicole rants and raves about caring for children (without crushing their souls), family togetherness (without too many tears), the saving grace of girlfriends (and vodka), and love and marriage (and all the baggage that goes with them), she gets to the heart of what every exasperated mom is thinking, just much funnier.
Momzillas
by Jill KargmanThe mothers on Manhattan’s chic Upper East Side are highly educated, extremely wealthy, and very competitive. They throw themselves and all of their energy and resources into full-time child rearing, turning their kids into the unwitting pawns in a game where success is measured in precocious achievements, jam-packed schedules, and elite private-school pedigrees. Hannah Allen has recently moved to the neighborhood with her New York City–bred investment banker husband and their two-year-old daughter, Violet. She’s immediately inundated by an outpouring of advice from her not-so-well-intentioned new friends and her overbearing, socially conscious mother-in-law, who coach her on matters ranging from where to buy the must-have $300 baby dress to how to get into the only pre-pre-preschool that counts. Despite her better instincts and common sense, Hannah soon finds herself caught up in the competitive whirl of high-stakes mothering.
Momzillas
by Jill KargmanA hilarious and deliciously scathing send-up of motherhood as practiced in the upper echelons of Manhattan society, from the coauthor of The Right Address and Wolves in Chic Clothing.The mothers on Manhattan's chic Upper East Side are highly educated, extremely wealthy, and very competitive. They throw themselves and all of their energy and resources into full-time child rearing, turning their kids into the unwitting pawns in a game where success is measured in precocious achievements, jam-packed schedules, and elite private-school pedigrees.Hannah Allen has recently moved to the neighborhood with her New York City-bred investment banker husband and their two-year-old daughter, Violet. She's immediately inundated by an outpouring of advice from her not-so-well-intentioned new friends and her overbearing, socially conscious mother-in-law, who coach her on matters ranging from where to buy the must-have $300 baby dress to how to get into the only pre-pre-preschool that counts. Despite her better instincts and common sense, Hannah soon finds herself caught up in the competitive whirl of high-stakes mothering.
Mon Petit Monstre
by Kaz Campbell Mathilde PerratBenjamin, un garçon de huit ans comme les autres se fait un nouvel ami: un petit monstre rouge que lui seul peut voir. Un jour, il décide de l'emmener à l'école.
Mon coloc est un sportif ? Achevez-moi ! (La Série Jock #1)
by Wade KellyIl est facile de devenir cynique quand la vie ne va pas comme on veut.Cole Reid mène une vie de reclus depuis ses quinze ans, âge auquel son homosexualité a été révélée au grand jour par son équipe de baseball. Depuis, son comportement obsessionnel compulsif et sa nature sarcastique ont fait fuir une bonne partie de la population. Quant aux autres, ils le détestent parce qu’il est homosexuel. Selon lui, il est voué à faire fuir n’importe quel ami potentiel – ne parlons même pas d’un petit ami –, alors à quoi bon faire des efforts ?Quand Cole entre à l’université, il est devenu un homme solitaire et maniaque. Cela ne lui cause aucun problème jusqu’au jour où son colocataire décroche son diplôme et que le service des logements annonce à Ellis Montgomery qu’il peut prendre sa place. Ellis est bordélique, magnifique, hétérosexuel et encore pire : un sportif !Pendant une année universitaire où se côtoient les amis bruyants, les mésaventures en camping et les parents intrusifs, Cole et Ellis développent un lien amical qui change la vision de Cole sur la vie. Ellis est bien plus qu’un sportif qui aime s’amuser – et l’attirance que Cole ressent pour lui ravive son espoir de trouver chaussure à son pied.
Mona Acts Out
by Mischa BerlinskiAn exuberant, darkly humorous novel by the US National Book Award-shortlisted author of Fieldwork Celebrated stage actress Mona Zahid wakes up on the morning of Thanksgiving to the clamour of guests packed into her Manhattan apartment and to a wave of dread: her in-laws are lurking on the other side of the bedroom door; she has been fighting with her husband; and in just a few weeks she will begin rehearsals to play Shakespeare&’s Cleopatra, the most challenging role of her career. On an impulse, and pretending she needs to do some last-minute shopping, Mona leaves her family and heads out into the city to visit her estranged mentor, Milton Katz, the legendary director who has been forced out of the theatre company he founded amid accusations of sexual misconduct. Mona&’s escape turns into an overnight adventure that brings her face-to-face with her past, with her creative power and its limitations, and ultimately, with all the people she has ever loved. At once funny and sad and wise, Mona Acts Out is a deeply moving novel about acting and telling the truth, about how we all play roles to negotiate our lives, and how the great roles teach us how to live.Praise for MISCHA BERLINSKIMona Acts Out &‘An instant-classic New York novel about theater, aging, sex and love&’ Joshua Cohen, author of Pulitzer Prize-winning The Netanyahus &‘Berlinski deserves a standing ovation for this bravura performance.&’ Publishers Weekly &‘Wonderfully constructed, witty, warm, wise, and filled with an extraordinary sense of the relation between theater and life&’ Kirkus Reviews Peacekeeping &‘Powerfully intelligent . . . There's magic in the way that Mr. Berlinski, in command of fact and emotion, pilots this big novel safely home.&’ – Dwight Garner, New York Times &‘Formidable&’ James Wood, New Yorker &‘Marvelous&’ Washington Post Fieldwork &‘Gripping and entertaining...you know you're in the hands of a writer to whom the novel form is, when all's said, as natural as an old overcoat... A quirky, often brilliant debut, bounced along by limitless energy&’ – Hilary Mantel in the New York Review of Books 'A killer novel... A great story... You can't stop reading.' Stephen King, Entertainment Weekly &‘This is storytelling of the highest quality: richly entertaining, intelligent and anchored in a deep sense of humanity&’ – Tash Aw, Guardian
Mona of the Manor: A Novel (Tales of the City #10)
by Armistead Maupin“Maupin is one of America’s finest storytellers.”—Neil Gaiman Set in the early 1990s, the long-awaited tenth novel in Armistead Maupin’s beloved and enduring Tales of the City series follows the adventures of Mona Ramsey, now the widowed Lady of a glorious old manor in Britain’s golden Cotswolds, and her fabulous adopted son Wilfred, as they come to the aid of an American visitor with a troubling secret.When Mona Ramsey married Lord Teddy Roughton to secure his visa—allowing him to remain in San Francisco to fulfill his wildest dreams—she never imagined she would, by age 48, be the sole owner of Easley House, Teddy’s grand, romantic country manor in the UK. She also didn't imagine that she’d need to open the manor’s doors to paying guests to afford the electric bill and repair the leaking roof. Yet somehow she and her young friend Wilfred--whom guests assume is serving as Easley’s charming-but-clumsy butler--and the loopy old gardener Mr. Hargis, are making it work. This delicate equilibrium is upended when Americans Rhonda and Ernie Blaylock arrive for a weekend vacation at Easley, and Wilfred stumbles onto their terrible secret. Now, instead of being able to focus on the imminent arrival of her old friend Michael Tolliver and beloved parent Anna Madrigal, Mona will need to focus all of her considerable charm, willpower, and wiles—and the help of Wilfred and Mona’s girlfriend Poppy, the town’s postmistress and local calligraphy whiz—to set things right before the Midsummer ceremony when the whole town will descend on Easley’s historic grounds.
Monday (Worst Week Ever)
by Matt CosgroveThe humor of Captain Underpants meets the blockbuster format of Diary of a Wimpy Kid in this laugh-out-loud series about Justin Chase, who is having the Worst. Week. EVER!Have you ever had a bad week? Justin Chase sure has and THIS is it!His mom has just married a vampire. His dad is driving a giant toilet on wheels. His cat has probably been abducted by aliens. A bully is making his first day at a new school miserable. And right now, he's hanging off the edge of a 30-foot-tall diving board in front of his entire class wearing nothing but rapidly disappearing crocheted swim trunks!And it's only...MONDAY!The first book in the new laugh-out-loud hilarious seven-part middle-grade book series based loosely off this husband and wife team’s own family!
Monday Morning
by Patrick Hamilton'If you were looking to fly from Dickens to Martin Amis with just one overnight stop, then Hamilton is your man' Nick Hornby'I recommend Hamilton at every opportunity, because he was such a wonderful writer and yet is rather under-read today. All his novels are terrific' Sarah WatersPatrick Hamilton's novels were the inspiration for Matthew Bourne's new dance theatre production, The Midnight Bell.'Beyond the fact that it was, in face of a vivid and calamitous ending, to reveal from his own experience the ardent splendours of Youth's adventure, he didn't quite know what his novel was going to be about.'Monday Morning wryly tells the story of Anthony, a young man taking his passionate first steps in life, in London, and in love. Not yet worn down by the world, Anthony is determined to write the novel that will bring him fame and fortune - and to marry the beautiful Diane. Patrick Hamilton's witty, playful first novel introduces us to the grimy world of metropolitan boarding houses and provincial theatrical digs that would be the setting for his later masterpieces Hangover Square and The Slaves of Solitude, and the hopes, dreams and regrets those who live there.
Monday Morning
by Patrick Hamilton'If you were looking to fly from Dickens to Martin Amis with just one overnight stop, then Hamilton is your man' Nick Hornby'I recommend Hamilton at every opportunity, because he was such a wonderful writer and yet is rather under-read today. All his novels are terrific' Sarah WatersPatrick Hamilton's novels were the inspiration for Matthew Bourne's new dance theatre production, The Midnight Bell.'Beyond the fact that it was, in face of a vivid and calamitous ending, to reveal from his own experience the ardent splendours of Youth's adventure, he didn't quite know what his novel was going to be about.'Monday Morning wryly tells the story of Anthony, a young man taking his passionate first steps in life, in London, and in love. Not yet worn down by the world, Anthony is determined to write the novel that will bring him fame and fortune - and to marry the beautiful Diane. Patrick Hamilton's witty, playful first novel introduces us to the grimy world of metropolitan boarding houses and provincial theatrical digs that would be the setting for his later masterpieces Hangover Square and The Slaves of Solitude, and the hopes, dreams and regrets those who live there.
Monday – Into the Cave of Thieves: Into The Cave Of Thieves (Total Mayhem)
by Ralph Lazar"Delightfully chaotic." — Kirkus ReviewsNew York Times bestselling author Ralph Lazar presents a hilarious action comedy for chapter book readers about Dash Candoo, who must defeat extraordinary foes every school day.For Dash Candoo, every day is... DANGEROUS!There is no such thing as a boring day for Dash Candoo.On Monday, before he can even enjoy his cereal and wombat juice, he is attacked by a squad of combat-ready scallywags and the two-tailed Devil Cat.And that is just before breakfast. The adventure explodes when Dash gets to school and must deal with a number of Total Mayhem Situations, including a missing Wobble-Ball trophy and the disappearance of one of the most expensive bottles of perfume in the world.Where will it all lead?
Mondays at Monster School
by Ruth Louise Symes Rosie ReeveEarly Readers are stepping stones from picture books to reading books. A blue Early Reader is perfect for sharing and reading together. A red Early Reader is the next step on your reading journey.Even little monsters get worried about their first day at school. It's a big step to take. Fred and Ted are two little monsters who aren't at all sure they want to go...but once they do, they soon find out it's fun. After a day filled with mud splashing and slime painting, some howling and growling practice and a good stomp and stamp, not to mention big helpings of worms for lunch - they can't wait for Tuesday!
Mondays at Monster School (Early Reader)
by Ruth Louise SymesEarly Readers are stepping stones from picture books to reading books. A blue Early Reader is perfect for sharing and reading together. A red Early Reader is the next step on your reading journey.Even little monsters get worried about their first day at school. It's a big step to take. Fred and Ted are two little monsters who aren't at all sure they want to go...but once they do, they soon find out it's fun. After a day filled with mud splashing and slime painting, some howling and growling practice and a good stomp and stamp, not to mention big helpings of worms for lunch - they can't wait for Tuesday!
Money Doesn't Grow on Mars: Self-control (How to Be an Earthling #8)
by Lori Haskins HouranActing like an Earthling isn&’t easy! Follow the adventures of Spork the alien in the How to Be an Earthling series. Each book covers a different character trait to help kids think about what they say and do. Making money is easy! Jack gets two dollars to sweep the sidewalk, a dollar to take out recycling, five dollars to dust. Soon he&’ll have enough to buy a special issue of his favorite comic book! Jack has it all under control, unlike Spork, who&’s crazy for video games. But Jack forgot one thing. Making money may be easy. Keeping it is hard! Every How to Be an Earthling title includes fun back-of-book activities that build on story themes. (Character trait: Self-discipline)
Money For Nothing
by Donald E. WestlakeOne of America's best-loved authors returns with a delightfully chilling new stand-alone in the vein of his bestsellers The Ax and The Hook. Josh Redmont was 27 when the first check arrived, and he had absolutely no idea what it was for. Issued by "United States Agent" through an unnamed bank with an indeterminate address in D.C., someone seemed to think Josh was owed $1,000. One month later, another check arrived, and then another, and another... and Josh cashed them all. Month after month, year after year, never a peep from the IRS, never an explanation for all this seemingly found money; the checks even followed Josh from one address to another as he moved through life. Now, after a full seven years, we find him on his way to meet the wife and kids for a summer vacation. Puzzled by the approach of a smiling stranger, Josh's stomach seizes with dread when the unwanted greeting begins with, "I am from United States Agent." Dumbstruck, Josh attempts to feign ignorance until he hears the words, "You are now active."
Money Man's Fiancée Negotiation (Kings of the Boardroom #4)
by Michelle CelmerFinally, after an intensive search Ash Williams had found his runaway mistress. Melody Trent couldn't even remember him, but Ash was determined to discover the truth. Had he fathered her child? And the only way to bring her to his home was to claim her as his fiancée—even if she had no memory of him whatsoever. At Maddox Communications he could handle any crisis with icy calm. Even so, having Melody back in his life—amnesia or no—would mean using all his resolve to keep his heart from ruling his head.
Money Out Loud: All the Financial Stuff No One Taught Us
by Berna AnatSo no one taught you about money, either? Let’s figure this me$$ out together. In this illustrated, deeply unserious guide to money, Berna Anat—aka the Financial Hype Woman—freaks out her immigrant parents by doing the unthinkable: Talking about money. Loudly. Because we’re done staying silent, anxious, and ashamed about our money. It's time to join the party and finally learn about all the financial stuff that always felt too confusing. Stuff like: How to actually budget, save, and invest (but also make it fun) How our traumas shape our most toxic money habits, and how to create new patternsHow to build wealth in a system designed to keep us broke How to use money to fund our biggest dreams—and change the worldNo more keeping our money on mute. It’s time to grab the mic.
Money Pizza Respect
by The Fat JewFrom the creator of the hugely popular @thefatjewish Instagram comes an outlandish collection of hilarious personal essays and images, which might be the most ridiculous book in the history of arts and letters. If Steven Seagal and Barbara Streisand had drunken sex and conceived a baby boy, he would have show business chops and be proficient in martial arts. That boy would become Josh Ostrovsky, often known as "The Fat Jew." Born and bred in New York City, Ostrovsky's overbearing mother entered him into "the biz" as an 8-year old with exquisite cheekbones and the singing voice of an angel. He appeared in a plethora of television commercials, and after his child-acting career fizzled, Ostrovsky took 20 years away from the limelight to focus on finding himself, eventually opening a yoga center in Toronto, and receiving his MFA in pottery at Middlebury College. JK, he mostly just did drugs. But in 2009, when social media became a thing, he triumphantly returned to a life in the spotlight. He exfoliates daily, plays the harp, bakes his own croutons for every salad he eats, once saved a baby deer with a broken leg who had fallen into a stream, and speaks fluent Portuguese. With an army of followers on social media that often border on fanatical and creepy, he is a "rising" "star" whose backup plan is to marry Suri Cruise when she's of legal consenting age. Channeling the brilliance of his online presence, MONEY PIZZA RESPECT rolls out one ludicrous story after another-from puking on his grandfather after a debaucherous drunken night to saving his deaf neighbor from a burning building, to hiring prostitutes for the sole purpose of reenacting scenes from Mel Gibson's Braveheart. In this, the next milestone of his glorious life, Ostrovsky will attempt to reinvigorate the dying medium of books.Writer.Plus Size Model.Horseback riding enthusiast.Instagram Legend.Josh Ostrovsky: The Fat Jew.
Money Wanders: A Novel (A PR Crisis Management Mystery)
by Eric DezenhallMoney Wanders from author Eric Dezenhall is a wild and uproarious tour of spin and media manipulation from the lobbied halls of Congress to the dilapidated boardwalk of Atlantic City.Jonah Eastman, disgraced Presidential pollster, is summoned home to Atlantic City by his ailing grandfather Mickey Price--a legendary Atlantic City gangster and owner of the Golden Prospect casino. When Mickey dies, Jonah is "persuaded" by mob boss Mario Vanni to help improve his image by launching a misinformation campaign aimed at gaining public acceptance and ultimately a way "outta the life."So Jonah goes to war through a comical and audacious manipulation of the media which includes online rumoring, exploiting romantic myths of the mob, and orchestrating a union-backed pseudo-vigil after Vanni is arrested. To pull off these stunts, he enlists the help of his grandfather's Prohibition-era cronies, pimply-faced hackers, a disgruntled Secret Service agent, a cagey Washington lobbyist, a slick Philadelphia publicist, and a street-fighting rabbi.
Money: A Suicide Note
by Martin AmisNamed one of Time’s 100 best novels in the English language, Money is “savagely hilarious. It risks, it boils with energy . . . it even manages to shock” (The Washington Post).Including a new introduction by Lorrie Moore, author of I Am Homeless If This Is Not My HomeOriginally published in 1984, Martin Amis’s classic novel Money is a searing critique of late-stage capitalism that remains a poignant and relevant commentary on the trappings of materialism and the illusions of success.Money is everything. Especially to John Self, a successful commercial director from London. He spends his days steeped in booze and pornography and prostitutes, lost in the hedonistic lifestyle of his peers.But John has bigger dreams, and he sets off for America on the invitation of the filmmaker Fielding Goodney in the hope of getting his first feature film, titled Good Money, off the ground. It is in America where John must contend with his degenerative proclivities, or risk the life he’s built.Money is Martin Amis at his very best: a hilarious, razor-sharp, and wholly singular storyteller.
Monkey Brother
by Adam AuerbachA clever and surprising tale of sibling rivalry and unconditional love from an Ezra Jack Keats Honor Award winner.Little brothers can be a handful. They’re wild and messy. They follow you everywhere and they love to copy everything you do. But what if your little brother was a monkey? Would he drag you into a special kind of monkey mischief? Find out in Monkey Brother, a clever and surprising tale of sibling rivalry and unconditional love from Ezra Jack Keats Honor Award winner, Adam Auerbach.A Christy Ottaviano Book
Monkey Business: A Flying McCoys Collection
by Glenn McCoy Gary McCoyDoesn't get better than this. . . . The world of the McCoy brothers mirrors my own talking dogs at an AA meeting." --Whoopi Goldberg * Brothers Glenn and Gary McCoy, creators of The Flying McCoys, syndicated by Universal Press Syndicate, deliver their high-wire act onto the printed page by rotating duties daily.These brothers are the real McCoy. Glenn and Gary take turns writing and drawing their own panels each day. Such a balancing of efforts ensures a fresh approach to each and every McCoy cartoon panel.* The brothers' delightfully absurd take on superheroes, office humor, huggable animals, and twisted relationships is the stuff of the New Yorker, Conan O'Brien, and Mad magazine combined.* Both Glenn and Gary have been honored for their cartooning talents by the National Cartoonists Society.
Monkey King and the World of Myths: A Graphic Novel (Monkey King and the World of Myths)
by Maple LamPercy Jackson meets Dragon Ball in the second book of this adorable, funny, and action-packed graphic novel series! Now the Monkey King and his sidekick Cerberus are bursting into the world of Japanese folklore!Monsters of the East, beware! Sun Wukong (aka the Monkey King) and his trusty three-headed pal Cerberus are headed on their next monster-hunting mission to Heian-Kyo, capital of ancient Japan—a city where long ago humans and beasts lived together in peace. But since the great war, the beasts have been cast out of the city and things seem more divided than ever.When he crash lands in the city, Wukong finds himself in the middle of it all. He soon meets a boy named Momotaro who believes the beasts have stolen an important magical object, and a kitsune named Kit who is convinced humans have burned down the beast&’s only source of food in the wild. With these latest incidents, the tension between beasts and humans comes to a breaking point.But Wukong suspects something more sinister is behind everything: a monster trying to get the two sides to fight. He and his new friends must race against the clock to uncover the true villain before all-out war breaks out in the city. Packed with characters from Japanese folklore, magical weapons, and epic battles, this will be the Monkey King&’s greatest adventure yet!
Monkey King and the World of Myths: The Monster and the Maze
by Maple LamPercy Jackson meets Dragon Ball in the first book of this adorable, funny, and action-packed graphic novel series! Follow along as the legendary Monkey King tries to save the world from a mysterious new threat—and smashes his way through the world of ancient Greek mythology in the process!A long-forgotten evil has reemerged, determined to transform everyone—humans, beasts, and gods alike—into monsters. And there&’s only one being who can stop it, or at least that&’s what he thinks. Sun Wukong, aka the Monkey King, is said to be the mightiest of all beasts, and he&’s made a deal with the gods. They will grant him his greatest wish and make him a god too. All he has to do is battle these monsters, defeat this evil, and basically save the world. What could possibly go wrong?Wukong must first journey to Greece, where he&’ll have to figure out how to escape the underworld alive, be a good pet-sitter for a three-headed dog, and ultimately find his way through a labyrinth. But when he comes face-to-face with the Minotaur, will he have what it takes to slay the monster . . . or will the Monkey King&’s story end up a Greek tragedy?