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Mother of the Year
by Karen Ross‘I often think my mother would prefer colonic irrigation to hanging out with me...’Beth Jackson is a national treasure, celebrated for her television shows and winning the Mother of the Year Award three times in a row.Only, her daughter just wishes that Beth would be more like a normal mum...
Mother to Son, Revised Edition: Shared Wisdom from the Heart
by Harry H. Harrison Jr. Melissa HarrisonWarm and fuzzy, anchored in values, and filled with simple words of wisdom, this beloved, bestselling book for parents speaks to the important business of raising sons, and distills their timeless lessons into one nugget of wisdom per page—some lighthearted, some serious, some practical, and some intangible, and all supported by a strong moral backbone.Freshly updated, the book begins with the Five Keys of Parenting, a guide to navigating the extraordinary, even if sometimes exasperating, journey of parenthood. It’s filled with the importance of nurturing responsibility: Teach him that the world will judge him by his actions, not his intentions. Fun stuff: Have tea with him in the afternoons. Serve cookies. And when he’s ready to go: Hug him fiercely.
Mother: A Book of Quotations (Dover Thrift Editions: Speeches/Quotations)
by Herb GalewitzThis delightful and entertaining collection includes scores of quotations, sayings, and speculations about motherhood — from the Roman poet Virgil and St. Augustine to movie-maker Mack Sennett and comedienne Phyllis Diller. Shakespeare is quoted, as are Euripides, Thomas Alva Edison, Abraham Lincoln, Oscar Wilde, Napoleon, Edna Ferber, Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis, Gloria Vanderbilt, Ralph Waldo Emerson, Harriet Beecher Stowe, and many other writers, statesmen, celebrities, biblical figures, movie stars, and others.There’s solid advice from Abigail Van Buren ("If you want your children to turn out well, spend twice as much time with them, and half as much money."), profound utterings by President Theodore Roosevelt ("Into a woman's keep is committed the destiny of the generations to come."), as well as tongue-in-cheek comments from American humorist Will Rogers ("I doubt if a charging elephant or rhino is as determined or hard to check as a socially ambitious mother.")A wonderful little time for browsing, this book will also serve as a handy reference.
Motherhood Comes Naturally (and Other Vicious Lies)
by Jill SmoklerNewly pregnant and scared out of her mind, Jill Smokler lay on her gynecologist's examination table and was told the biggest lie she'd ever heard in her life: "Motherhood is the most natural thing in the world." Instead of quelling her nerves like that well-intentioned nurse hoped, Jill was instead set up for a future of questioning exactly what DNA strand she was missing that made the whole motherhood experience feel less than natural to her. Wonderful? Yes. Miraculous? Of course. Worthwhile? Without a doubt. But natural? Not so much. Motherhood IS HEARING THE WORD "WHY" AT LEAST A HUNDRED TIMES A DAY AND, MOST OF THE TIME, NOT HAVING AN ANSWER. Jill Smokler's first memoir, the New York Times bestseller Confessions of a Scary Mommy, rocketed to national fame with its down-and-dirty details about life with her three precious bundles of joy. Motherhood IS USING YOUR SLEEVES TO WIPE RUNNY NOSES AND YOUR SPIT TO CLEAN DIRTY FACES. Now Jill returns with all-new essays debunking more than twenty pervasive myths about motherhood. She gives you what few others will dare: the truth. Motherhood IS NEVER PEEING OR SHOWERING IN PEACE. This is not a parenting manual or how-to guide (there are plenty of those out there and you've probably read more than your share). Think of it instead as a coping resource. Motherhood IS ALWAYS FEELING MILDLY SICK BUT NEVER BEING ABLE TO WALLOW IN YOUR OWN MISERY. If you've ever wondered why nobody bothered to tell you what having kids is really like, or felt like you were in (six feet) over your head, this book will show you that you're far from being alone. You're not the only mother who's wanted to spend Mother's Day as far away from her children as possible, and you aren't the only one with a frenemy who happens to be nine years old. Join Jill and her army of Scary Mommies united by a deep love for their children, an understanding that motherhood isn't always easy, and a mission to survive in one piece.
Motherhood Is a B#tch: 10 Steps to Regaining Your Sanity, Sexiness, and Inner Diva
by Jill Kargman Sheryl Berk Lyss SternYou’ve had a kid or two . . . or three. Now, every time you look in the mirror you ask yourself, "Who the hell is that tired, washed out woman looking back at me?” What happened to the stylish, stiletto-wearing woman who prided herself on living the fabulous life? It’s time to reclaim your pre-baby body, mind, and mojo. No more sulking, stressing, or resenting other moms who have it more together than you and wondering how they do it. Motherhood is a B#tch! tells you how YOU can do it.This guide tells it like it is and explains how women lose their sense of self once they have children and why it’s so important to reclaim it. Motherhood is a B#tch! tackles the toughest issues facing moms today and empowers you to regain your once fierce and fab self. In the end, you’ll be happier, healthier, and hotter than ever.Motherhood is a B#tch! is the modern mom’s bible for dealing with the day-to-day chaos with style and grace. It’s written for the stressed out working mom and the harried stay-at-home mom, who have sacrificed their lives, careers, bodies, and sanity to become moms. And, honey, it’s time to take it all back!
Motherhood: The Second Oldest Profession
by Erma BombeckMotherhood is the second oldest profession in the world. It never questions age, height, religious preference, health, political affiliation, citizenship, morality, ethnic background, marital status, economic level, convenience, or previous experience. It's the biggest on-the-job training program in existence today.
Motherhood: The Second Oldest Profession
by Erma Bombeck#1 New York Times bestseller:A hilarious look at one of the toughest jobs on earth, by a writer &“with the comic equivalent of perfect pitch&” (The Boston Globe). Anyone who thinks motherhood is easy has never had children. To care for children, a husband, and oneself is a superhuman task, and any woman who appears to be expert at doing all three simultaneously is not Supermom—she&’s a good actress. For three decades, Erma Bombeck chronicled motherhood&’s daily frustrations and victories. In this classic anthology, she presents all sorts of mothers, and even a stay-at-home dad, on good days and bad. With hilarious anecdotes and deep compassion, she shows that there is no other profession that demands so much, and rewards so highly. This ebook features an illustrated biography of Erma Bombeck including rare images and never-before-seen documents from the author&’s estate.
Mothering Heights: A year of joy and survival in the trenches of early parenthood
by Rachael Mogan McIntoshFollowing Rachael Mogan McIntosh over the year she gave birth to her third child and completed her shapeshift from wild to mild, Mothering Heights is a hilarious, moving celebration of early parenthood.The sudden and total identity theft of motherhood leftRachael with a kind of emotional whiplash. One day, she was wearing a funky outfit in a dark club, and the next she was performing 'Dingle Dangle Scarecrow' for an underwhelmed crowd of toddlers.Rachael adored all three of her tiny dictators and their non-stop comedy shenanigans, but the life of service was a tougher job than she had ever imagined. Through joyous heights and heartbreaking lows, motherhood cracked her heart wide open.
Mothering Heights: A year of joy and survival in the trenches of early parenthood
by Rachael Mogan McIntoshFollowing Rachael Mogan McIntosh over the year she gave birth to her third child and completed her shapeshift from wild to mild, Mothering Heights is a hilarious, moving celebration of early parenthood.The sudden and total identity theft of motherhood leftRachael with a kind of emotional whiplash. One day, she was wearing a funky outfit in a dark club, and the next she was performing 'Dingle Dangle Scarecrow' for an underwhelmed crowd of toddlers.Rachael adored all three of her tiny dictators and their non-stop comedy shenanigans, but the life of service was a tougher job than she had ever imagined. Through joyous heights and heartbreaking lows, motherhood cracked her heart wide open.
Mothers-In-Law Do Everything Wrong (MILDEW)
by Liz BluperDoes your mother-in-law still buy your husband underwear? Show up at your home unannounced? Do you keep hoping that aliens will kidnap her? If so, you must have MILDEW!MILDEW, the playful acronym for Mothers-In-Law Do Everything Wrong, has allowed authors Liz Bluper and Renee Plastique to conduct covert conversations about their MILDEWs for the last decade—without drawing the ire of their husbands. As humorous stories accumulated over the years, they began to broaden their MILDEW storytelling circle. Soon, that circle spanned the globe, resulting in the first-ever truly fun humor book on mothers-in-law. From the all-too-revealing quiz to the laugh-out-loud stories to the Hey, that really might work strategies, this book gives new meaning to the word MILDEW.MILDEW gave me a Thigh Master for Christmas one year. —Margot, ConnecticutWhen I was pregnant with my first child, a son, MILDEW wanted us to name him after her husband, Ken. My husband and I, however, decided to name our son Jacob. MILDEW refused to accept this, and proceeded to call our son Ken. What's up with that? —Gretchen, MaineRunning the gamut from famous MILDEWs—such as the queen of England—to everyday MILDEWs just like yours, this witty insightful book transcends age, gender, culture, geography, and time. The hysterical tales of holiday chaos, helpful child-rearing advice, pre-wedding moments of horror, and MILDEW gift giving gone awry will keep you laughing and dying to share it with your friends.
Mothership
by John BrosnanShrewd, devious, cunning and a born liar - but as a Court Jester, Jad's a disaster. So when he's sent off with the warlord's son, Prince Kender, on a spying mission, he's hoping that his less desirable traits will actually save his life. Since the Day of Wonder, when all the electric lights stopped working, there have been rumours of unrest in the neighbouring domains . . . and no one has seen hide nor hair of any of the Elite, the ruthless technocrat class that have ruled Urba for centuries. What most of the inhabitants don't realise is that their world of Urba is actually a giant spacecraft, an ark built more than a thousand years ago to save as much of the Earth's population as possible before the sun went nova. The Elite were originally the ship's crew, and as a social experiment, the ship's population were forced to live a pseudo-mediaeval life . . . and as the centuries passed, the Elite became decadent, corrupt and cruel and the truth about Urba became hidden. And now Jad and his courageous - if thick - Prince are about to find out what happened to the Elite - and what's happening to the people of Urba . . .
Mothership (The Ever-Expanding Universe #1)
by Isla Neal Martin LeichtTeen pregnancy is never easy—especially not when extraterrestrials are involved. The first in a new trilogy that’s part Juno and part Aliens.
Mothership Awakening: The Story Continues
by John BrosnanReturning to the lives of Jad the disaster Court Jester, Prince Kender and the Elite of the Mothership Urba, MOTHERSHIP AWAKENING is the never-before published story that concludes the epic journey started in MOTHERSHIP.
Mothership Awakening: The Story Continues
by John BrosnanReturning to the lives of Jad the disaster Court Jester, Prince Kender and the Elite of the Mothership Urba, MOTHERSHIP AWAKENING is the never-before published story that concludes the epic journey started in MOTHERSHIP.
Mothertime: A Novel
by Gillian WhiteIn this dark comedy, five siblings who are fed up with their mother&’s negligent parenting conspire to teach her a lesson Caroline Townsend is a nightmare for her children. The former actress and current alcoholic hits her nadir on Christmas Eve. Her five young children hope for a Christmas celebration. Instead, they get a fight with their mother, who&’s absolutely plastered and fresh off yet another failed relationship. After lashing out at her children, Caroline passes out under the bent and mangled Christmas tree. For the Townsend children, this proves to be a rare opportunity—a chance to set things right with their mother. Together, they concoct an elaborate ruse designed to teach her a lesson, once and for all. Mothertime finds Gillian White at her uproarious best as she nimbly skewers motherhood and modern marriage.
Motorworld
by Jeremy ClarksonJeremy Clarkson invites us to Motorworld, his take on different cultures and the cars that they drive.There are ways and means of getting about that don't involve four wheels, but in this slice of vintage Clarkson, Jeremy isn't much interested in them.Back in 1996, he took himself off to twelve countries (okay, eleven - he goes to America twice) in search of the hows, whys and wherefores of different nationalities and their relationships with cars. There were a few questions he needed answers to:* Why, for instance, is it that Italians are more interested in looking good than looking where they are going?* Why do Indians crash a lot?* How can an Arab describe himself as 'not a rich man' with four of the world's most expensive cars in his drive? * And why have the otherwise neutral Swiss declared war on the car?From Cuba to Iceland, Australia to Vietnam, Japan to Texas, Jeremy Clarkson tells us of his adventures on and off four wheels as he seeks to discover just what it is that makes our motorworld tick over. _____________Praise for Jeremy Clarkson:'Brilliant . . . laugh-out-loud' Daily Telegraph'Outrageously funny . . . will have you in stitches' Time Out'Very funny . . . I cracked up laughing on the tube' Evening Standard
Mount Chicago: A Novel
by Adam LevinFrom the award-winning author of Bubblegum and The Instructions, a daring new novel about the irony, the humor, and the heartbreak of survivorship."Adam Levin is one of our wildest writers and our funniest." –George Saunders, bestselling, award-winning author of Lincoln in the Bardo A one-in-ten-billion natural disaster devastates Chicago. A Jewish comedian, his most devoted fan, and the city&’s mayor must struggle to move forward while the world—quite literally—caves beneath their feet. With this polyphonic tale of Chicago-style politics and political correctness, stand-up comedy and Jewish identity, celebrity, drugs, and animal psychology, Levin has constructed a monument to laughter, love, art, and resilience in an age of spectacular loss.
Mount!: The fast-paced, riotous steamy romance from the 2024 Sunday Times bestselling author of Rivals (Rutshire Chronicles #10)
by Jilly Cooper OBERupert Campbell-Black takes centre stage once more, this time in the cut-throat world of flat racing.Rupert is consumed by one obsession: that Love Rat, his adored grey horse, be proclaimed champion stallion. He longs to trounce Roberto's Revenge, the stallion owned by his detested rival Cosmo Rannaldini, which means abandoning his racing empire at Penscombe and his darling wife Taggie, and chasing winners in the richest races worldwide, from Dubai to Los Angeles to Melbourne.Luckily, the fort at home is held by Rupert's assistant Gav, a genius with horses, fancied by every stable lass, but damaged by alcoholism and a vile wife. When Gala, a grieving but ravishing Zimbabwean widow moves to Penscombe as carer for Rupert's wayward father, it is not just Gav who is attracted to her: a returning Rupert finds himself dangerously tempted.Gala adores horses, and when she switches to working in the yard, her carer's job is taken by a devastatingly handsome South African man who claims to be gay but seems far keener on caring for the angelic Taggie. And as increasingly sinister acts of sabotage strike at Penscombe, the game of musical loose boxes gathers apace . . .-----------------------------------'Packed with warmth, wit, and unforgettable characters, this is an utterly joyous read' Daily Express'Pure, unadulterated joy' Sophie Kinsella'It's Cooper doing what she does best ... it's a thoroughly enjoyable roll in the hay' The Times'Witty and wonderful, as always' Trisha Ashley'This endlessly fun humdinger of a novel is an absolute riot' Heat
Mountain Man Dance Moves: The McSweeney's Book of Lists
by McSweeney'sIf a mountain man felt compelled to dance, how would he do it? If koala bears could talk, what would they say? And what's the right pickup line, if you're a necrophiliac? (Maybe "I'm pretty sure I'm not going to get you pregnant.") In the throes of debates like these, we're lucky to have the learned people of McSweeney's Internet Tendency, America's best low-budget humor website, and their edifying work. From their best-looking writers comes this collection of over three hundred lists, including..."Signs Your Unicorn Is Cheating on You.""Errors in Communication Between My Hairdresser and Me, in the Form of What I Said and What He Heard""Things This City Was Built On, Besides Rock 'n' Roll""Things This One Girl Sitting Near Me in a Movie Theater Said Out Loud When One of the Characters Was Shown Pulling Into a Gas Station""Future Winners of the New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest""Adjectives Rarely Used by Wine Tasters""The Collected Apologies of Lawrence H. Summers, President of Harvard""Exactly What I Mean When I Say My Ex-Girlfriend Kristin and I 'Wanted Different Things from Life'"And much, much more...
Mouse House Hunter (Geronimo Stilton #61)
by Geronimo StiltonWhen you're with me, Geronimo Stilton, it's always a fabu-mouse adventure!Sally Ratmousen broke some shocking news: The Rodent's Gazette was out of money and in danger of closing. Then Grandfather William broke even worse news to me: I needed to sell my comfy, cozy house in order to save our paper! How terrible! But could I sell it -- and find a new home -- in time to help?
Mouse Noses on Toast
by David Roberts Daren KingWhen Paul Mouse overhears a customer in a restaurant ordering mouse noses on toast, he assumes it must be a joke. Mouse noses on toast is a myth, isn't it? But when the waiter asks if that would be with or without whiskers, Paul knows it's no joke. So begins a laugh-out-loud funny ride involving mouse activists and cheese addicts. Along with his friends-- Sandra the Christmas tree ornament, Rowley Barker Hobbs, a shaggy sheepdog, and the Tinby, a sort of monster, Paul Mouse, who's sadly allergic to cheese, campaigns to bring an end to this disgusting human eating habit. This inviting chapter book will keep young readers giggling.
Mouse Overboard! (Geronimo Stilton #62)
by Geronimo StiltonWhen you're with Geronimo Stilton, it's always a fabumouse adventure!My family and I, Geronimo Stilton, were invited to Lisbon, Portugal, to retrace the journey of the great explorer Vasco da Gama. He was the first European to reach India by sea -- and was apparently an ancestor of the Stiltons! But once we got on the boat, I learned that someone was trying to sabotage the voyage. Could I figure out who?
Mouse Was Mad
by Linda UrbanWho knows the best way to be mad? Bear stomps. Hare hops. Bobcat screams. Mouse? He just can't get it right. But when he finds the way that works for him--still and quiet--he discovers that his own way might be the best of all. Linda Urban's story about self-expression and managing anger is both sweet and sly, and Henry Cole's cast of animal friends is simply irresistible.
Mouse and Mole Fine Feathered Friends
by Wong Herbert YeeIt is a blustery spring day, and Mouse and Mole are very excited. They are going to go bird watching! They are planning to make bird books! Mouse and Mole pack paper and crayons and hurry outside. It turns out, birds are not so easy to watch. Splashing in puddles scare them away. Stepping on crunchy leaves does too. <P><P> Mole rubs his snout. Mouse twirls her tail. Together, they come up with a plan to get closer to the birds. A plan that includes glue and feathers...<P> Join Mouse and Mole on another high-flying adventure in which teamwork, brainstorming, and good ideas always make for a fun day out!<P><P> Winner of the Theodore Seuss Geisel Honor
Mouse and Mole: A Perfect Halloween (A Mouse and Mole Story)
by Wong Herbert YeeShare another vibrant autumn season with Mouse and Mole in the sixth installment of this Geisel Honor Award–winning series."Eeny, meeny, miny, mumpkin —Which of you will be my pumpkin?&” Mouse likes Halloween. In fact, Mouse loves Halloween. And with only a few days to go before the big day, Mouse has lots of preparations to make. There are decorations to hang up and pumpkins to carve — especially for the big pumpkin-carving contest! Mole does not like Halloween nearly as much. It is scary. It is creepy. And who left that broom on the front step? Thankfully a pumpkin-carving contest is not too scary. But the pumpkin-carving contest is just the beginning of Mouse and Mole&’s Halloween adventures. What&’s Mouse to do when her best friend has turned into a big Scaredy-Mole?Theodor Seuss Geisel Honor Award Winner Wong Herbert Yee is a master of combining text and illustration for this age group. His onomatopoeic language paired with his vibrantly stylized illustrations make for an early reader series that is both artful and accessible.