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OMG!: How to Survive 101 of Life's Most F'ed Situations
by Deborah BaerYou are mistaken for a prostitute...You fart during yoga class ...Your boyfriend has been posting pictures of his penis online ......And all you can say is OMG!But then what? In this laugh-out-loud funny guide, gossip queen Deborah Baer gives you the wildest, wittiest, even witchiest solutions to the dramas and traumas that make you say, "Oh my God!"So the next time your boyfriend asks you what you think about getting a boob job, or your former BFF hits "reply all" and "accidentally" spills your deepest, darkest secret to the entire world, don't cry out for divine intervention. Just consult your OMG! advisor and you'll know just what to do-any place, anywhere, any time!
OOPS!: The Worst Blunders of All Time
by David P. BarashTravel through history and around the world to learn about the greatest mistakes, blunders, and bloopers of all time! Everyone makes mistakes and nearly everyone likes to know about them, especially when made by someone else! The Worst Blunders of All Time: Shocking Tales from Pandora's Box to Putin's Invasion presents some of our most notable blunders, from the silly to the consequential, from ancient history to current events. It offers the pleasure of Schadenfreude and of an easy-going reading experience, as well as—here and there—some learning opportunities. The reader will see when relatively big things have gone wrong and couldn&’t be called back, such as iconic, mythical blunders like Pandora opening that troublesome box and Eve taking her ill-advised bite, to great historical oops such as Napoleon&’s invasion of Russia in 1812, as well as some less monumental but nonetheless exemplary mistakes, such as the &“Curse of the Bambino,&” when the Boston Red Sox sold Babe Ruth—at the time, a pitcher—to the New York Yankees. These and other exemplary oops are presented in a light-hearted way, with some exceptions being catastrophic, current catastrophes, such as Trump&’s egregious mishandling of the COVID-19 pandemic. Author David P. Barash will take readers from the tragic to the whimsical, with the latter represented by, for example, &“Wrong Way Corrigan,&” an early twentieth century aviator who thought he was flying nonstop from New York to California, but, confused by a heavy fog, ended up in Ireland. Pointing out these and other mistakes will be an exercise in Monday morning quarterbacking and 20-20 hindsight. Thus, The Worst Blunders of All Time shall &“backstrapolate&”: looking in the rear-view mirror at mistakes made by others.The Worst Blunders of All Time is neither an advice book nor a series of cautionary tales. It&’s an easy and accessible read, especially useful as therapy in these difficult times. However, its nonetheless accurate and informative, giving rise to some potentially useful take-home messages, keyed to its material. Ideally, we should all benefit from our own mistakes, making lemonade out of lemons, while also following Eleanor Roosevelt&’s advice: &“Learn from the mistakes of others. You cannot live long enough to make them all yourself.&”
OUTBACK WIFE AND MOTHER (Daddy Boom)
by Barbara HannayA suitable bride?Cattleman Fletcher Hardy welcomed a diversion like Ally Fraser during his tedious business trip in Melbourne. Until he found himself falling for her!He'd learned that city women were unsuited to Outback life when his Parisian mother fled their cattle station. Ever since, he'd vowed his bride had to be born and bred in the bush. So when news came that he'd become the guardian of his four-year-old godson, he returned to Wallaroo, intending to forget Ally for good.He hadn't bargained on Ally turning up at the homestead as little Connor's nanny, determined to prove she could survive the Outback-and make the perfect wife and mother!DADDY BOOMWho says bachelors and babies don't mix?
Oasis Talking Shite
by Not the Gallagher BrothersA hilarious unofficial tribute to the most opinionated and entertainingly cantankerous band in rock and roll history.Hello and listen up. In 1994, with the shock of the lightning that was Oasis&’s force-of-nature debut album, the British band&’s cigarettes-and-alcohol-fueled founding brothers Liam and Noel Gallagher went supernova all around the world. Most artists would have responded to this fame by opting to cast no shadow, saying less in public, or at least being more cautious when they did, reluctant to add to the weight of the world on their shoulders. Not Liam and Noel, who did a strange thing. As if born on a different cloud, they refused to be quiet ones and acquiesce to the typical masterplan for celebrity. For the next thirty years, they never stopped opening their big mouths and shouting out loud their opinions on everything underneath the sky. Whether as stormy as a cloudburst, as playful as a shakermaker, as wise as a headshrinker in a rockin&’ chair, as uncouth as a girl in a dirty shirt with mucky fingers, or as lewd as fuckin&’ in the bushes, their heathen chemistry was always electric—some might say as addictive as morning glory. Oasis Talking Shite celebrates these songbirds&’ refreshing candor, constructing a magic pie of memorable quotes and photographs into a wall of wonder. Here they go let it out on nearly every topic imaginable, including religion, politics, technology, sports, aging, America, aliens, the Big Bang Theory, open-toed shoes, Christmas, SpongeBob SquarePants, other bands, and of course their all-time favorite subject: each other. Timed to the long-awaited Oasis reunion tour in summer 2025, in which they are keeping the dream alive despite just getting older, this book will help you stop crying your eyes out if you didn&’t get tickets. In fact, it&’s an eyeball tickler. D&’you know what I mean? It&’s something to read while waiting for the rapture. It won&’t let you down and gives you something about which to talk tonight or on a Sunday morning call—an opportunity to look back in appreciation (not anger) as well as a reminder of why Liam and Noel will never slide away and definitely (not maybe) live forever as two of the most supersonic rock &‘n&’ roll stars to ever turn up the sun. So put yer money where yer mouth is, bring it on down to the bookstore register, and bag it up.
Obama's BlackBerry
by Kasper HauserWhen Obama stated that if elected, he would keep his Blackberry, debate echoed through Washington and among the ranks of the Secret Service. What would it be like to have a president who could Twitter, send text messages, and navigate the web with ease? What would it be like to receive a text message from inside the Oval Office and, most importantly, what would it say? Now, for the first time, We The People are privy to our new leader's epistolary back-and-forths on his wily hand-held device. We're about to discover that his emails (and the replies, from his wife and daughters, Biden, Palen, Rush, Hannity, the new first puppy, and even Bush) are so tuned in to the language of electronic correspondence they come hilariously close to the brink of legibility. This giftable, imagined glimpse into Obama's beloved Blackberry traverses the mundane and momentous contours of the Commander in Chief's life, from security briefings to spam, basketball practice to domestic bliss, and the panic of oops-I-hit-reply-all, to, of course, the trauma of dealing with the First Mother In Law.To wit: BidenMyTime: Hey U, whatcha doin? BARACKO: M rly busyBidenMyTime: Right :( Can I lv at 4:45?
Obama's Blackberry
by Kasper HauserThis is a pocket-sized glimpse into the world of the US president's beloved communications system, without which he is rarely seen and about which the world's press has already devoted numerous column inches. From ex-president GW Bush ('43') asking about lost property, to playing hide and seek with his secret service protection ('Dammit. U guys r good'), to hilarious correspondence with the likes of Tony Blair, the Kasper Hauser comedy group has filtered out the very best of the commander in chief's correspondence for your amusement. OBAMA'S BLACKBERRY will be the perfect gift for fans of clever satire, very silly humour, and anyone who wonders what's really going on inside the Oval Office these days...
Obama: The Greatest President in the History of Everything
by Frank J. FlemingIt's hard to remember the dark days before 2008. It was a time of hatred, racism, violence, obese children, war, untaxed rich people, and incandescent light bulbs -- perhaps the worst days we had ever seen. And at the heart of it all was a thuggish, thoughtless man, George W. Bush, who lashed out angrily at whatever he didn't understand -- and he understood so very little. Then there was that laugh of his -- that horrible snicker that mocked everything intelligent and nuanced. Also, he looked like a chimp.It seemed like the end for the United States of America. We would crumble in the hands of vicious, superstitious dimwits determined to hunt "ter'ists" or other figments of Bush's rotten mind. There was nothing left to do but head to Whole Foods to prepare our organic, sustainable, fair-trade last meal as the country ended around us. Despair had overtaken us, and we wondered aloud whether we could ever feel hope again.And then a man emerged who firmly answered, "Yes we can!"Oh, but Barack Obama was no mere man. He was a paragon of intelligence and civilized society. A savior to the world's depressed. A lightbringer. A genius thinking thoughts the common man could never hope to comprehend. And his words -- his beautiful words read from crystal panes -- reached down to our souls and told us all would be well. With the simple act of casting a ballot for Barack Obama, we could make the world an immeasurably better place -- a world of peace, of love, of understanding, of unicorns, of rainbows, of expanded entitlements. This was his promise. And now, having had him as president for more than two years, we can say without reservation that he has delivered all his promises and more and is the best president this country -- or any country -- has ever had or could even imagine to have.
Obamistan! Land Without Racism: Your Guide to the New America
by Damali AyoOn November 4, 2008, the citizens of the United States gave prejudice and discrimination a boot to the backside. The pride of this accomplishment was echoed from mountaintops to bus stops as Americans ran through the streets with tears streaming down their faces, crying, "Racism is over!" What does this dramatic evolution mean for you? This guide will help you familiarize yourself with the exciting postracist America--a land its loyal citizens now call Obamistan--through user-friendly explanations of new sights, sounds, and policies, along with eyewitness testimonials, news clippings, pop quizzes, and tips for those who miss the old America. From hot-button issues like immigration, foreclosure, gentrification, reparations, and health care to holidays, toilet paper, pronouncing people's names, and Dick Cheney's cozy new digs in Guantánamo Bay, this indispensible guide is guaranteed to help all Obamistanis feel right at home.
Obi: Gerbil on a Mission
by Michael DelaneyThere's a new puppy at Obi the gerbil's house, and he's bigger, furrier, and more slobbery than Obi. And he's getting all the attention. But when the puppy runs away, Obi feels it's her duty to bring him back. So off she goes, on a mission filled with obstacles from a hungry owl to a giant dog to snarky cats. But with perseverance and pluck, Obi is able to bring the puppy safely home. With clever illustrations, this funny, adventurous sequel to Obi: Gerbil on the Loose! will leave kids squawking for more.
Obi: Gerbil on a School Trip
by Michael DelaneyFor fans of The World According to Humphrey, Obi's newest escapade is taking her into uncharted territory-- the classroom! Obi the gerbil just has to know if she is Rachel's favorite pet. She'll do anything to find out--even if that means going to school as a stowaway in Rachel's backpack. She quickly finds that there's a lot to learn as she is thrust into a world filled with stampeding children, a secret society of class pets, and a whoopee cushion. Worst of all, Obi becomes trapped in the school overnight! With the same wits, determination, and bravery that make her first two books so appealing, Obi the Jedi gerbil's humorous adventures continue, peppered with the same comical cartoon illustrations that make each page a delight.
Obitchuary: The Big Hot Book of Death
by Spencer Henry Madison ReyesBased on the popular podcast, Obitchuary: The Big Hot Book of Death is a smart, funny look at the American culture of death and how we&’re remembered. It&’s safe to say everyone thinks about death—whether they want to or not. But have you ever wondered about what sort of keepsakes you can make with your remains, or given any thought to the most scandalous deathbed confessions throughout history? Well Madison Reyes and Spencer Henry have, and they've spent countless hours scouring the darkest corners of the internet, digging through newspaper archives, devouring documents, and picking the brains of death industry experts to bring you Obitchuary, a darkly funny and deeply poignant exploration of all things death. With chapters like &“Coffin Confessions,&” &“Executions to Die For,&” &“The Last Word,&” and &“If These Dolls Could Speak,&” Madison and Spencer guide us through surprisingly colorful history, traditions, and contemporary practices. They also demystify taboo topics with incredible and hilarious details, including FUNerals, as they call them, cremations and themed funerals, famous body snatchers, and so much more. Shocking, macabre, hilarious, and moving, Obitchuary digs deep into the physical aspects of death while also carefully exploring what death says about our humanity and the ways we choose to remember those we've lost. So go ahead, crack open the book—we know you're dying to read it.
Oblivion: Stories
by David Foster WallaceA visionary, a craftsman, a comedian ... He can do anything with a piece of prose, and it is a humbling experience to see him go to work on what has passed up till now as 'modern fiction'. He's so modern he's in a different time-space continuum from the rest of us. Goddamn him' ZADIE SMITHA recognised master of form and a brilliant recorder of human behaviour, David Foster Wallace has been hailed as 'the most significant writer of his generation' (TLS). Each new book confirms and extends his genius, and this new short story collection is no exception. In the stories that make up OBLIVION, David Foster Wallace conjoins the rawest, most naked humanity with the infinite convolutions of self-consciousness - a combination that is dazzlingly, uniquely his.'Wallace's talent is such that you can't help wondering: how good can he get?' TIME OUT
Obliviously On He Sails
by Calvin TrillinDoes the Bush Administration sound any better in rhyme? In this biting array of verse, it at least sounds funnier. Calvin Trillin employs everything from a Gilbert and Sullivan style, for describing George Bush's rescue in the South Carolina primary by the Christian Right ("I am, when all is said and done, a Robertson Republican"), to a bilingual approach, when commenting on the President's casual acknowledgment, after months of trying to persuade the nation otherwise, that there was never any evidence of Iraqi involvement in 9/11: "The Web may say, or maybe Lexis-Nexis / If chutzpa is a word they use in Texas."Trillin deals not only with George W. Bush but with the people around him--Supreme Commander Karl Rove and Condoleezza (Mushroom Cloud) Rice and Nanny Dick Cheney ("One mystery I've tried to disentangle: / Why Cheney's head is always at an angle . . .") The armchair warriors Trillin refers to as the Sissy Hawk Brigade are celebrated in such poems as "Richard Perle: Whose Fault Is He?" and "A Sissy Hawk Cheer" ("All-out war is still our druthers-- / Fiercely fought, and fought by others.").Trillin may never be poet laureate--certainly not while George W. Bush is in office--but his wit and his political insight produce what has been called "doggerel for the ages."From the Hardcover edition.
Obliviously On He Sails: The Bush Administration in Rhyme
by Calvin TrillinCalvin Trillin employs everything for describing George Bush's rescue when commenting on the President's casual acknowledgment, after months of trying to persuade the nation otherwise, that there was never any evidence of Iraqi involvement in 9/11.
Obvious in Hindsight
by Bradley TuskA tech start-up and their cutthroat consultants will stop at nothing to realize their dream of filling the skies of America&’s cities with flying cars…and their opposition is equally determined to bring that dream crashing down.Dozens of start-up tech companies are forming each week, innovating at a breakneck pace and forcing change overnight, ready or not. In the blisteringly funny Obvious in Hindsight, the new technology in question is flying cars, and they&’re coming to a crowded urban area near you. But before that happens, the slick and powerful political consultants campaigning to get the new tech adopted will have to manipulate political operatives to their advantage while overcoming fierce opposition from groups hostile to the idea, from the strategically aligned taxi cab and rideshare companies to the squawking, costumed Audubon Society, the socialists, and the Russian mob. This story takes readers on a richly imagined, page-turning journey through multiple cities populated by opposing special interest groups, hucksters, and corrupt power brokers. A riveting and ultimately insightful satire that provides an insider&’s view of how capitalism, politics, and entrepreneurship intersect, Obvious in Hindsight is a timely novel destined to become one of the most entertaining cautionary tales of the millennium.
Obviously: Stories from My Timeline
by Akilah Hughes"A refreshingly funny and blisteringly unsentimental coming-of-age memoir." -John Green, #1 New York Times bestselling author of Turtles All The Way Down and The Fault in Our StarsIn Akilah Hughes's world, family--and life--are often complicated, but always funny. Through intimate and hilarious essays, Akilah takes readers along on her journey from the small Kentucky town where she was born--and eventually became a spelling bee champ and 15-year-old high school graduate--to New York City, where she took careful steps to fulfill her dream of becoming a writer and performer. Like Tiffany Haddish's The Last Black Unicorn or Mindy Kaling's Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? for the YA set, Akilah pens revealing and laugh-out-loud funny essays about her life, covering everything from her racist fifth grade teacher, her struggles with weight and acne, her failed attempts at joining the cheerleading team, how to literally get to New York (hint: for a girl on a budget, it may include multiple bus transfers) and exactly how to "make it" once you finally get there.
Ocean Beach (Ten Beach Road Ser. #2)
by Wendy WaxWendy Wax, author of the "warm [and] wry" (St. Petersburg Times) Ten Beach Road, returns with a novel of three women in need of a second chance...or is it a third? Unlikely friends Madeline, Avery and Nicole have hit some speed bumps in their lives, but when they arrive in Miami's South Beach neighborhood, they are all hoping for a do-over. Literally. They've been hired to bring a once-grand historic house back to its former glory on a new television show called Do-Over. If they can just get this show off the ground, Nikki would get back on her feet financially, Avery could restart her ruined career, and Maddie would have a shot at keeping her family together. At least, that's the plan - until the women realize that having their work broadcast is one thing, having their personal lives play out on TV is another thing entirely. Soon they are struggling to hold themselves, and the project, together. With a decades-old mystery--and the hurricane season--looming, the women are forced to figure out just how they'll weather life's storms... .
Ocean Prey: A Lucas Davenport & Virgil Flowers novel (A\prey Novel Ser. #31)
by John SandfordLucas Davenport and Virgil Flowers join forces on a deadly maritime case in the remarkable new novel from internationally bestselling author John Sandford. An off-duty Coast Guardsman is fishing with his family when he calls in some suspicious behaviour from a nearby boat. The slick craft has stopped to pick up a surfaced diver, who was apparently alone, without his own boat, in the middle of the ocean. None of it makes sense, and his hunch is proved right when all three Guardsmen who come out to investigate are shot and killed. They're federal officers killed on the job, which means the case is the FBI's turf. And when the FBI's investigation stalls out, they call in Lucas Davenport. But when the case turns lethal, Davenport will need to bring in every asset he can claim, including a detective with a fundamentally criminal mind: Virgil Flowers.In a case like no other, Flowers and Davenport will need to work together to catch the killers – before they become targets themselves.***READERS LOVE THE PREY SERIES*** &‘One of the great novelists of all time&’ Stephen King &‘A series writer who reads like a breath of fresh air&’ Daily Mirror &‘John Sandford knows all there is to know about detonating the gut-level shocks of a good thriller&’ New York Times Book Review &‘John Sandford has the Midas touch&’ Huffington Post &‘Delivers twists to the very last sentence&’ Daily Mail &‘Crime writer John Sandford is one of the best around&’ Sun
Ocean of Color (Step into Reading)
by Bill ScollonDisney/Pixar Finding Dory reunites the friendly-but-forgetful blue tang fish with her loved ones, and everyone learns a few things about the true meaning of family along the way. This Step 1 Step into Reading leveled reader based on the film is perfect for boys and girls ages 4 to 6. Step 1 Readers feature big type and easy words. Rhymes and rhythmic text paired with picture clues help children decode the story. For children who know the alphabet and are eager to begin reading.
Ocean! Waves for All (Our Universe #4)
by Stacy McAnultyFrom writer Stacy McAnulty and illustrator David Litchfield, Ocean! Waves for All is a light-hearted nonfiction picture book about the formation and history of the ocean, told from the perspective of the ocean itself.Dude. Ocean is incredible. Atlantic, Pacific, Artic, Indian, Southern—it's all excellent Ocean! Not part of any nation, his waves are for all. And under those waves, man, he holds so many secrets. With characteristic humor and charm, Stacy McAnulty channels the voice of Ocean in this next "autobiography" in the Our Universe series. Rich with kid-friendly facts and beautifully brought to life by David Litchfield, this is an equally charming and irresistible companion to Earth! My First 4.54 Billion Years; Sun! One in a Billion; and Moon! Earth's Best Friend.
Octavia: A light-hearted and hilarious romcom from the Sunday Times bestselling author of Rivals
by Jilly Cooper OBEThe unmissable romcom from the bestselling author of Rivals'Absolutely brilliant' 5 STAR reader review'Such good fun!' 5 STAR reader review'I couldn't put it down . . . one of the best books I've read!' 5 STAR reader reviewAs soon as Octavia catches a glimpse of Jeremy in the nightclub, she knows she just has to have him. It doesn't matter that he's just got engaged to an old school friend of hers: good-natured Gussie. His look suggested bed rather than breakfast, and made her weak at the knees...Rich and stunning, Octavia is used to men falling in love with her at a moment's notice and an invitation to join Gussie and Jeremy for a cozy weekend on a canal barge comes like a gift from the gods. How can she fail to hook Jeremy?But the other part of the foursome is whizz-kid business tycoon Gareth Llewellyn, a swarthy Welshman with all the tenderness of a scrum-half...definitely not Octavia's type!And one way and another, he certainly manages to thwart her plans...'There is no one else like Cooper' Guardian'The Jane Austen of our time' HARPERS & QUEEN'The funniest and sharpest writer there is' Jenny Colgan'Flawlessly entertaining' Helen Fielding[cover may vary]
October Kiss: Based on a Hallmark Channel original movie
by Kristen EthridgeHe's a brilliant businessman, but there's one thing she can teach him: how to enjoy the moment.Poppy&’s tried a lot of things. Yoga instruction. Pizza making. So far, none of them have seemed like her thing. Still, she doesn&’t have to know where her life is headed to live it with enthusiasm. Ever since his wife&’s death, Ryan&’s thrown himself into his work. Launching a successful new app will secure his children&’s future…even if it means he can&’t spend much time with them now. As a short-term nanny for Ryan&’s children, Poppy brings some much-needed fun and laughter. She&’s never been one to commit, so why is she feeling so attached to these children…and even more, to their dad? Could it be she&’s found her place at last? This funny, feel-good romance contains a free Hallmark original recipe for Pumpkin Soup with Parmesan Croutons.
Odd Animals (Readers)
by Rose DavidsonGet to know the weirdest, silliest, most unique critters in the animal kingdom, from the axolotl to the star-nosed mole! This quirky early reader from National Geographic Kids is full of awesome animals that march (and crawl, swim, and fly) to the beat of their own drum.Perfect for beginning and young readers, National Geographic Pre-readers include simple, expert-vetted text and large, engaging photos on every page. A vocabulary tree at the beginning of the book introduces kids to key words in concept groups, helping kids make connections between words. Plus, a wrap-up activity gives kids a chance to use what they've learned, while expanding their understanding of the world.
Odd Couple: A Comedy in Three Acts
by Neil SimonThis classic comedy opens as a group of the guys assembled for cards in the apartment of divorced Oscar Madison. And if the mess is any indication, it's no wonder that his wife left him. Late to arrive is Felix Unger who has just been separated from his wife. Fastidious, depressed and none too tense, Felix seems suicidal, but as the action unfolds Oscar becomes the one with murder on his mind when the clean-freak and the slob ultimately decide to room together with hilarious results as The Odd Couple is born.
Odd Ducks
by Bryden MacdonaldWelcome to the small town of Tartan Cross, Nova Scotia, where skeletons rattle in closets and past histories are so intertwined that the lives of four fortysomething, eccentric characters have become so complicated that something needs to change. In the comedy, Odd Ducks, award-winning playwright Bryden MacDonald positions his four characters at the brink of existential angst - and the action unfolds from there.At the centre of the drama is Ambrose Archibald, an irredeemable reprobate and the type of guy who rants philosophically at the bar while mooching beer from his friends. He's a narcissist who thinks he's God's gift to women. And he's having an affair with the charming and beautiful Mandy Menzies, who was the high school beauty queen but is now stuck in a marriage of convenience and a life of boredom. Her housekeeper, Estelle Carmichael, has seen it all, but her prickly exterior belies a loving heart. The dryly funny Freddy Durdle is the perfect counter-balance to over-the-top Ambrose.All four oddballs seem stuck in their lives, but searing sarcasm relieves the boredom and crazy, everyday dramas aid their struggle to move on and keep things lightCast of 2 women and 2 men.