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Please Don't Eat the Daisies
by Jean KerrThe &“refreshing . . . laugh-out-loud&” #1 New York Times bestseller about life in the suburbs that was adapted into a classic film comedy (Kirkus Reviews). One day, Tony Award–winning playwright Jean Kerr packed up her four kids (and husband, Walter, one of Broadway&’s sharpest critics), and left New York City. They moved to a faraway part of the world that promised a grassy utopia where daisies grew wild and homes were described as neo-gingerbread. In this collection of &“wryly observant&” essays, Kerr chronicles her new life in this strange land called Larchmont (TheWashington Post). It sounds like bliss—no more cramped apartments and nightmarish after-theater cocktail parties where the martinis were never dry enough. Now she has her very own washer/dryer, a garden, choice seats at the hottest new third-grade school plays (low overhead but they&’ll never recoup their losses), and a fresh new kind of lunacy. In Please Don&’t Eat the Daisies &“Jean Kerr cooks with laughing gas&” as she explores the everyday absurdities, anxieties, and joys of marriage, family, friends, home decorating, and maintaining a career—but this time with a garage! (Time).
Please Don't Feed the Mayor
by Sue PethickWhen the lumber mill closes, laying off most everyone in Fossett, Oregon, Melanie MacDonald plans to revitalize her beloved but beleaguered homestead by running her border collie Shep in Fossett’s mayoral race . . . Shep wins by a landslide. A lover of democracy and dog treats, Shep is rapidly earning the goodwill of Fossett’s citizens. Tourists are streaming in and everyone wants to glad-paw the new mayor. Suddenly Melanie and Shep are media darlings, with requests for interviews, game shows, and personal appearances through the roof. But there’s trouble in paradise. Determined to win back his former wife, Bryce MacDonald discovers a rival in tabloid reporter Chad Cameron, who’s in Fossett to dig up dirt on Melanie and Shep. He finds a willing co-conspirator in the malcontent who lost the election. Hounded by the press and desperate to head off a potential dog-napping, Melanie unwittingly puts herself in danger. Shep comes to the rescue, proving his mettle to save his faithful human at the risk of his own life . . . and new political career. Acclaim for Sue Pethick’s Pet Friendly “Quirky and endearing . . . This is a light, heartwarming read perfect for a wintry afternoon at home or a sunny beach vacation.” —RT Book Reviews, 4 Stars
Please Don't Feed the Vampire!: A Give Yourself Goosebumps Book (Give Yourself Goosebumps #32)
by R.L. StineChoose to be a vampire—or not—in this scary Goosebumps adventure that’s packed with more than twenty super spooky endings.You buy something called “Vampire in a Can.” At first you think it’s just a goofy vampire costume with a cape, plastic fangs, and a tattoo of teeth marks. But then you find a packet in the bottom of the can labeled: DANGER-KEEP AWAY!If you try to open the packet with your teeth, it rips in your mouth. Uh-oh. Looks like you’ve been transformed into a vampire—and you’re really thirsty. If you decide not to open the packet, your dog sinks his teeth into it. Now your cute little poodle has become a ferocious vampire dog! Can you save your pooch before he bites off more than he can chew? The choice is yours . . . Reader beware—you choose the scare! GIVE YOURSELF GOOSEBUMPS!
Please Don't Grab My P#$$Y: A Rhyming Presidential Guide
by Laura Collins Julia Young Matt HarkinsThrough campy pop culture rhymes and beautiful oil paintings, the narrator of our book guides you though a list of things you CAN grab while offering more poetic ways to refer to a woman’s genitalia than the word “pussy” that Trump so vulgarly used. As the narrator goes on, she lets you know more about her relatives (a reclusive aunt with a lazy eye) and her interests (Justin Bieber’s Instagram) while never losing sight of her mission to make the President as uncomfortable as possible. We think that the President, not to mention men in Hollywood, Wall Street, the news media and beyond, can benefit from reading our book. No matter who you are, or how dumb you are, you’ll be able to understand this book’s simple message: Hands off my pussy!
Please Don't Read This Book
by Deanna KizisIn this laugh-out-loud book that begs readers to break the rules, silliness and hilarity reign supreme! Perfect for fans of The Book with No Pictures.Wait--are you reading this book? Even though the cover asked you not to? Well, if you're going to read it, then you'll have to follow the rules, or you're going to have WAY too much fun. And you don't want to have FUN, do you? DO YOU?! That's what I thought. So definitely, positively, DO NOT read this book! Join along for zany antics, silly sounds, and endless fun in this breaks-the-fourth-wall book that will have readers coming back time and time again--regardless of what the title says.Praise for Please Don't Read This Book:"Inviting of energetic engagement and laughter." --Kirkus Reviews"A brilliant job of engaging even the most reluctant reader, showing how much fun a book can be." --New York Journal of Books"'Please Don&’t Read This Book!' is hard to resist — and that&’s clearly the plan." --The Virginian-Pilot
Please Don't Sit on My Bed in Your Outside Clothes: Essays
by Phoebe RobinsonWith sharp, timely insight, pitch-perfect pop culture references, and her always unforgettable voice, New York Times bestselling author, comedian, actress, and producer Phoebe Robinson is back with her most must-read book yet. In her brand-new collection, Phoebe shares stories that will make you laugh, but also plenty that will hit you in the heart, inspire a little bit of rage, and maybe a lot of action. That means sharing her perspective on performative allyship, white guilt, and what happens when white people take up space in cultural movements; exploring what it&’s like to be a woman who doesn&’t want kids living in a society where motherhood is the crowning achievement of a straight, cis woman&’s life; and how the dire state of mental health in America means that taking care of one&’s mental health—aka &“self-care&”—usually requires disposable money. She also shares stories about her mom slow-poking before a visit with Mrs. Obama, the stupidly fake reassurances of zip-line attendants, her favorite things about dating a white person from the UK, and how the lack of Black women in leadership positions fueled her to become the Black lady boss of her dreams. By turns perceptive, laugh-out-loud funny, and heartfelt, Please Don&’t Sit on My Bed in Your Outside Clothes is not only a brilliant look at our current cultural moment, it's also a collection that will stay with readers for years to come.
Please Don't Stop the Music
by Jane LoveringA desperate jewelry designer falls for a mysterious musician in “a real gem of a story that completely caught me by surprise” (Romance Junkies). After a rough patch that she doesn’t like to talk about, Jemima Hutton is determined to build a successful new life. Unfortunately, her handmade jewelry business is on the edge of ruin. That is, until the enigmatic Ben Davies offers to stock her handmade belt buckles in his guitar shop and things soon start looking up. But Ben has his own secrets he’d prefer to keep quiet. When Jemima finds out he used to be the front man of a hugely successful indie band, she wants to know more. Like why did he desert the band on their US tour? And why is he now a semi-recluse? But the curiosity is mutual—which means that Jemima’s own secret is no longer safe. And only by trusting one another will Ben and Jemima be able to rock together, in this witty tale that earned RoNA Awards for both Best Romantic Comedy Novel and Romantic Novel of the Year.
Please Don’t Let Me Be the Oldest Mom in the PTA: Stories about mid-life motherhood
by Sharon O’DonnellMotherhood is not what it used to be, as more moms than ever before are having children later on in life.This is the must-have book for all moms who had a child after the age of 35—a group the medical profession not-so-kindly calls—‘advanced maternal age.’ Sharon O’Donnell writes about the humorous and poignant stories of having a child at 38 and how she discovered that breastfeeding and AARP membership aren’t really all that far apart. Sharon says being a mom of a certain age can be tough and rewarding—and rather alarming when you realize that all the TV programs you watch have commercials for incontinence or the Scooter Store.
Please Fire Me: Posts from the Revolting Workplace
by Adam Chromy Jill MorrisIf you work in the kind of place where your boss's door is always open, the coffee is always refilled, and professionalism reigns, then kindly put down this book and throw yourself off something very tall. If years of being frustrated by arrogant douche bags and mental pygmies have left you ready to burn the world to the ground while laughing, then prepare to discover someone actually has it worse.Inspired by the hugely popular website, Please Fire Me is"A venting ground for the malemployed." --Thrillist"A really funny, bitchy co-worker." --The L MagazineRead hilarious workplace horror stories and follow the PFM guide to surviving the corporate machine. "Your boss is illiterate, your co-worker eats her own hair--whine it all out on Please Fire Me."--Details.com"Read Please Fire Me and be happy your job isn't that bad." --Smart Pretty and Awkward"Hilarious." --Times & Transcript
Please God Let It be Herpes: A Heartfelt Quest for Love and Companionship
by Carlos KotkinHumorist-writer-mammal Carlos Kotkin is lucky in love-if lucky in love means he's had enough horrible, pathetic, and downright bizarre dating experiences to write a book. His trouble with females usually begins upon opening his mouth. Here, Carlos shares his ups and mostly downs of bachelorhood, including romantic conquests with a slew of childhood crushes, insane yogis, a Playboy vixen, a STD host, the flaky, the deaf, and the just plain dumb. His unique mating style is not to be duplicated, but it will definitely make readers laugh-and want to get tested ASAP. .
Please God Let it Be Herpes
by Carlos KotkinHumorist-writer-mammal Carlos Kotkin is lucky in love-if lucky in love means he's had enough horrible, pathetic, and downright bizarre dating experiences to write a book. His trouble with females usually begins upon opening his mouth.Here, Carlos shares his ups and mostly downs of bachelorhood, including romantic conquests with a slew of childhood crushes, insane yogis, a Playboy vixen, a STD host, the flaky, the deaf, and the just plain dumb. His unique mating style is not to be duplicated, but it will definitely make readers laugh-and want to get tested ASAP.
Please Grow: Lessons on Thriving for Plants (and People)
by Alex TestereDiscover the life lessons plants can teach you—from the importance of putting down roots to leaning on others for support and nourishment—in this charming, illustrated guide to personal growth.Every idea, relationship, or project begins with a seed: A seed of creativity, a flicker of hope, an inkling of motivation. In Please Grow, illustrator Alex Testere takes us on a journey through the life of a well-tended plant or garden—from nourishing a seed to propagating, protecting, pruning, and beyond—relating the lessons we can learn from the natural world to our everyday lives, including:Planting a seed is only the beginning.A flower is a reminder of what is possible when the right circumstances align.Extending your roots is like building community--both are lifelines.Compost old ideas and experiences to create fuel for a fresh start.Nothing lasts forever--and in some cases, that can be a good thing.With sweet, vibrant art, ecological sidebars, and a sprinkling of practical plant care tips, Please Grow is a gentle reminder of life's cyclical, ever-blossoming nature. We all have the power to plant our own seeds and harvest our own blooms. So, what are you waiting for?
Please Let Me Help: "Helpful" Letters To the World's Most Wonderful Brands
by Zack SternwalkerZack is unemployed, overweight, recently divorced, and lives with his mother. Whilst a lesser man would wither away in emo-laden angst, Zack has found inspiration during this difficult stretch of life. A renaissance man, Zack conjures up brilliant ideas (soap on a rope, a Sammy Davis, Jr. biopic starring Tom Cruise, vases of flowers in Port-a-Potties nationwide), offers services (babysitter for Sophia Coppola, compiler and burner for a Beatles Best-of), and attempts to woo unsuspecting ladies with his lifelike sketches of firearms. Please Let Me Help is a collection of letters Zack has written to companies, actors, directors, his local police department, Hulk Hogan, Canada, and scores of other easy targets. Some write back; most don't. Please Let Me Help shows how we can turn our weakest moments into creative opportunities and never give up hope!
Please Miss: A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Penis
by Grace Lavery&“The queer memoir you&’ve been waiting for&”—Carmen Maria MachadoGrace Lavery is a reformed druggie, an unreformed omnisexual chaos Muppet, and 100 percent, all-natural, synthetic female hormone monster. As soon as she solves her &“penis problem,&” she begins receiving anonymous letters, seemingly sent by a cult of sinister clowns, and sets out on a magical mystery tour to find the source of these surreal missives. Misadventures abound: Grace performs in a David Lynch remake of Sunset Boulevard and is reprogrammed as a sixties femmebot; she writes a Juggalo Ghostbusters prequel and a socialist manifesto disguised as a porn parody of a quiz show. Or is it vice versa? As Grace fumbles toward a new trans identity, she tries on dozens of different voices, creating a coat of many colors.With more dick jokes than a transsexual should be able to pull off, Please Miss gives us what we came for, then slaps us in the face and orders us to come again.
Please Mr Panda (Mr Panda #1)
by Steve AntonyLearn to say 'Please' with Mr Panda in this charmingly funny picture book. Mr Panda has a tray of doughnuts. Patiently and politely, Mr Panda asks his friends if they would like one. Each animal says yes, but without the all-important 'please'! Is anyone worthy of Mr Panda's doughnuts? "An ideal book for kids to learn about good manners." The Sun"Simple yet funny enough for multiple readings." Kirkus"Does the job beautifully." The Times (Children's Book of the Week) Look out for more books starring the grumpy (but loveable!) Mr Panda. Over half a million copies sold to date! Thank You Mr Panda I'll Wait Mr Panda Goodnight Mr PandaMr Panda's ColoursMr Panda's Feelings
Please Scream Inside Your Heart: Breaking News and Nervous Breakdowns in the Year that Wouldn't End
by Dave PellFrom the publisher of the NextDraft newsletter comes a cathartic and humorous ride through the unnerving, maddening hellscape of the 2020 press cycle, reestablishing the line between "real" news and real life.Please lower your shoulder restraint and keep your hands and feet in. You&’re about to board a roller coaster ride through a year that was at once laughable and lethal.If you&’ve got an anti-anxiety prescription, now would probably be a good time to call in a refill.Please Scream Inside Your Heart is a time capsule; a real-time ride through the maddening hell that was the 2020 news cycle—when historic turmoil and media mania stretched American sanity, democracy, and toilet paper. Who better to examine this unhinged period in all of its twists and turns than news addict Dave Pell, aka the internet&’s Managing Editor? Fueled by the wisdom and advice of his two Holocaust-surviving parents, for whom parts of this story were all too familiar, Pell puts the key stories of 2020 into context with pith and punch; highlighting turning points that widened America&’s divisions, deepened our obsession with a media-driven civil war, and nearly knocked the country off its tracks. Pell also examines the role of technology in society—and how we somehow built the exact opposite of what we thought we were building. Why did the lies spread faster than the truth? How did our tech addiction contribute to the nightmare? Why do you feel a vibration in your pocket right now? In 2020, the news was everywhere, and everything was political—even the air we breathed. So brace yourself as you&’re hurtled through the twists and turns of the corkscrewiest year in American history; one that included two impeachment trials, a global pandemic, Black Lives Matter, the biggest election of a lifetime, a slide towards autocracy, and a warning from the makers of Lysol not to drink their products.
Please Sir!
by Jack SheffieldA NEW YEAR AT RAGLEY-ON-THE-FOREST SCHOOL...It's 1981, the time of Adam and the Ants, Rubik's Cube, the Sony Walkman and the Falklands War, as head teacher Jack Sheffield returns to Ragley-on-the-Forest School for another rollercoaster year.Vera, the ever-efficient chool secretary, has to grapple with a new-fangled computer - and enjoys a royal occasion - while Ruby the caretaker rediscovers romance with a Butlin's Redcoat. And for Jack, wedding bells are in the air. But the unexpected is just round the corner...
Please, No More Nuts! (Penguin Young Readers, Level 2)
by Jonathan FenskeThese silly squirrels are feeling a bit too nutty!The same squirrels of We Need More Nuts! have been eating nothing but nuts ever since--and now they're sick of them! Nuts in milkshakes, nuts in stew, nuts in pancakes. How will they ever be able to get rid of them all? Unless, of course, you'd like to take some off their paws...Breaking the fourth wall throughout the story, Theodor Seuss Geisel Honor-winning author and illustrator Jonathan Fenske's comic-like illustration style and clever, easy-to-read text make this hilarious book a must-have for every young reader's shelf.
Pleasing Her SEAL (Uniformly Hot!)
by Anne MarshSUBJECT: Navy SEAL Mason Black MISSION: Remain undercover...even if it means going commando! Wedding blogger Maddie Holmes is twelve times the bridesmaid and never the bride. Still, being on the sidelines of everyone else's happy endings has its perks, like staying at the luxurious, decadent Fantasy Island. The resort isn't just romantic-it's filled with sinful temptations...like delicious hottie resort chef Mason Black. And Maddie can't wait to take a bite! There's just a teeny problem with her plan. She has no idea that Mason is an undercover Navy SEAL who needs photographs Maddie took that put both his mission and her life at risk. Mason's plan? Retrieve the pics and indulge in a few X-rated fantasies with the curvy redhead...and hope like hell that being between the sheets doesn't blow his cover.
Pleasing the Ghost
by Sharon Creech Stacey SchuettEver since his father died, Dennis has been seeing ghosts. Lots of ghosts. They blow in on the breeze, visit for a while, and fly off again. But one night the ghost of his Uncle Arvie floats in the window. And Arvie wants to do more than chat. Together, they find a lost love letter, finish a special painting, and dig up buried treasure--all for Arvie's widow, Julia. Dennis loves having his uncle around again, but there's still one ghost he's longing to see. Perhaps on the next ghost wind . . . Master storyteller Sharon Creech has woven a wonderfully funny, romantic tale. Arvie's eccentric antics and wonderful word play keep the reader laughing, but at its tender heart, the story reveals the holes left in our lives when we lose the ones we love.
Pleasure Games (Dare)
by Daire St. DenisA honeymoon for one…Pleasure for two!After catching her fiancé cheating, Jasmine Sweet is on her Parisian honeymoon alone. She’s determined to have an adventure! But an altercation resulting in temporary amnesia is more the stuff of nightmares. Then she meets a gorgeous stranger, and her time in France becomes a tour de fantasy! Luca shows her desires she never dreamed of—until their sexy dalliances become more than just a game…“Dare is Harlequin’s hottest line yet. Every book should come with a free fan. I dare you to try them!” —Tiffany Reisz, international bestselling author
Pleasure Palace: New and Selected Stories
by Marian ThurmShort fiction filled with both warmth and dark wit by a writer who &“embraces the ironies and the absurdities of the ordinary world&” (Newsday). At the age of twenty-five, Marian Thurm began publishing short stories in the New Yorker, and over a remarkable career, her work has been compared to the short fiction of Lorrie Moore, Ann Beattie, and Amy Bloom. Known for her uncanny sense of the absurd along with her empathy for her characters, Thurm&’s acclaimed writing has been featured in The Best American Short Stories, as well as numerous other anthologies. This volume, selected from her four collections—with stories written over a span of forty-two years—shows Thurm&’s remarkable craft, never failing to reveal both her emotional acuity and her pitch-dark humor. &“Marian Thurm is either a movingly compassionate observer of human foibles or a charmingly ruthless one.&” —The New York Times Book Review
Pleasure Seekers
by Rochelle AlersThree successful women join an exclusive escort service and change their lives forever in this romance by a national bestselling author.Ilene is a captivatingly beautiful supermodel, Faye is an award-winning advertising executive and Alana is a brilliant editor for today’s hottest fashion magazine. Now all three women are caught in the whirlwind of the superrich and famous. They find themselves the objects of the desires of every man—from movie stars, politicians, CEOs and rock stars to European royalty—men for whom there are no limits, nothing is too expensive, nothing is forbidden.From Manhattan to Paris to Southampton, their new worlds are a torrent of sensual delights and unlimited luxuries. But will they ultimately discover that all the money and power in the world mean nothing without . . . love?
Pleasure Under the Sun
by Lindsay EvansPassion is the ultimate seducer They meet at an invitation-only party in Miami. Desire instantly ignites. Financial advisor Bailey Hughes knows better than to get involved with playboy Seven Carmichael. But the gorgeous, world-renowned sculptor refuses to take no for an answer. And soon Bailey finds herself aboard a private yacht-enjoying days and nights of pleasure beyond her hottest fantasies. The moment he saw her, Seven was obsessed. From Key West to an intimate Jamaican paradise, he's embarked on a campaign of seduction to make Bailey his. With a passion the wary businesswoman can't resist, he's breaking down all her defenses. What will it take to win what he wants and needs most-Bailey's carefully guarded heart?
Pleasured By the English Spy (Undone!)
by Bronwyn ScottEnglish spy Andrew Truesdale has been sent to Florence on a mission--to befriend widowed contessa Olivia di Montebaldi and discover if she's plotting a nationalist revolution in the aftermath of Napoleon's defeat. Andrew expects the assignment to be easy. After all, his job with the British Diplomatic Corps required him to perfect the art of flirtation and become a consummate seducer of women.Everything changes, however, when he arrives at Olivia's villa. Instead of the middle-aged woman he expects, Andrew finds a vivacious young beauty who piques his interest...and his lust.But while Andrew may be taken aback by the contessa, Olivia knows exactly who Andrew is...and that he is dangerous. She may let him claim her body, but can she trust him with her secrets?