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The 100 Words That Make The English
by Tony ThorneEnglishness is an ancient and powerful concept, but no one seems sure exactly what it means in the twenty-first century. In exploring our national identity, Tony Thorne has compiled a fascinating compendium of the hundred words and phrases that have become the cornerstones of modern English, and have been used - sometimes deliberately, but often inadvertently - to stake out our common ground, to define what makes us essentially English, and thus different from those beastly foreigners who lurk just off our shores.
The 100-Year-Old Man Who Climbed Out the Window and Disappeared
by Jonas JonassonThe international publishing sensation--over five million copies sold worldwide!A reluctant centenarian much like Forrest Gump (if Gump were an explosives expert with a fondness for vodka) decides it's not too late to start over . . .After a long and eventful life, Allan Karlsson ends up in a nursing home, believing it to be his last stop. The only problem is that he's still in good health, and in one day, he turns 100. A big celebration is in the works, but Allan really isn't interested (and he'd like a bit more control over his vodka consumption). So he decides to escape. He climbs out the window in his slippers and embarks on a hilarious and entirely unexpected journey, involving, among other surprises, a suitcase stuffed with cash, some unpleasant criminals, a friendly hot-dog stand operator, and an elephant (not to mention a death by elephant).It would be the adventure of a lifetime for anyone else, but Allan has a larger-than-life backstory: Not only has he witnessed some of the most important events of the twentieth century, but he has actually played a key role in them. Starting out in munitions as a boy, he somehow finds himself involved in many of the key explosions of the twentieth century and travels the world, sharing meals and more with everyone from Stalin, Churchill, and Truman to Mao, Franco, and de Gaulle. Quirky and utterly unique, The 100-Year-Old Man Who Climbed Out the Window and Disappeared has charmed readers across the world.ein's hapless half-brother--are cleverly spun into the raucous yarn, and all help drive this gentle lampoon of procedurals and thrillers."--Publishers Weekly, Starred "Eccentric, unusual and far-fetched in the best possible way."--The Bookseller "Scandi-crime's signature darkness is here dispelled by Allan Karlsson, the eponymous centenarian, who with unlikely sprightliness hops out of the window of his old people's home one afternoon . . . Fast-moving and relentlessly sunny . . . Like Allan, the plot is pleasingly nimble and the book's endearing charm offers a happy alternative to the more familiar Nordic noir."--The Guardian "Imaginative, laugh-out-loud . . . a brilliant satire on the foibles of mankind."--The Telegraph "A mordantly funny and loopily freewheeling debut novel about ageing disgracefully."--The Sunday Times "[A] witty caper. ***1/2"--People "The anti-Girl With the Dragon Tattoo . . . Jonasson's lighthearted novel shows the softer side of Sweden. . . . hilarious."--Marie Claire "This quirky novel is a sly, satirical look back at international relations in the 20th century through the eyes of an old man who has seen it all."--Library Journal
The 100th Day of School from the Black Lagoon (Black Lagoon Adventures #21)
by Mike ThalerThese fun-filled chapter books mix school, monsters, and common kid problems with hilarious results. You'll scream with laughter!Hubie's class is celebrating the 100th day of school by having each student bring in 100 of something. But Hubie has no idea what to choose. Should he go with 100 hairs on his head? 100 baseball cards? What can Hubie pick out of all the hundreds of 100 items he could bring?
The 101 Most Influential People Who Never Lived
by Allan Lazar Jeremy Salter Dan KarlanFrom Santa Claus to Buffy the Vampire Slayer, from Uncle Sam to Uncle Tom, here is a compelling, eye-opening, and endlessly entertaining compendium of fictional trendsetters and world-shakers who have helped shape our culture and our lives. The 101 Most Influential People Who Never Lived offers fascinating histories of our most beloved, hated, feared, and revered invented icons and the indelible marks they made on civilization, including: # 28: Rosie the Riveter, the buff, blue-collar factory worker who helped jump-start the Women's Liberation movement # 7: Siegfried, the legendary warrior-hero of Teutonic nationalism responsible for propelling Germany into two world wars # 80: Icarus, the headstrong high-flyer who inspired the Wright brothers and humankind's dreams of defying gravity . . . while demonstrating the pressing need for flight insurance # 58: Saint Valentine, the hapless, de-canonized loser who lost his heart and head at about the same time # 43: Barbie, the bodacious plastic babe who became a role model for millions of little girls, setting an impossible standard for beauty and style
The 104-Story Treehouse: Dental Dramas & Jokes Galore! (The Treehouse Books #8)
by Andy GriffithsNew York Times-bestselling team Andy Griffiths and Terry Denton invite readers to come hang out with them in their 104-Story Treehouse—the eighth book in the illustrated chapter book series filled with Andy and Terry's signature slapstick humor!Andy and Terry live in a 104-story treehouse. (It used to be a 91-story treehouse, but they decided it was still missing a few things.) It has a never-ending staircase, a burp bank, a deep-thoughts thinking room, Mount Everest, a mighty fortress reinforced with extra-strong fortress reinforcer, and a money-making machine (that also makes honey!). When Andy has a toothache that hurts so bad he can’t write any jokes for their new book, Terry knows just what to do: buy a Joke Writer 2000™ to write the jokes for them! All they need first is some money from their money-making machine and then it’s off to the store. It’s a foolproof plan—a Terry-proof one, even! What could go wrong?
The 117-Story Treehouse: Dots, Plots & Daring Escapes! (The Treehouse Books #9)
by Andy GriffithsNew York Times-bestselling team Andy Griffiths and Terry Denton invite readers to come hang out with them in their 117-Story Treehouse—the ninth book in the illustrated chapter book series filled with Andy and Terry's signature slapstick humor!Andy and Terry live in a 117-story treehouse. (It used to be a 104-story treehouse, but it just keeps growing!) It now has a pajama-party room, a water-ski park filled with flesh-eating piranhas, an Underpants Museum, a giant-fighting-robot arena, and the Door of Doom (don’t open it or you’ll be COMPLETELY and UTTERLY DOOMED!).For as long as Andy and Terry have been writing books together, Andy has always been the narrator and Terry has always been the illustrator. But when Terry tries to prove that he can narrate as well as draw, the story goes completely out of control and the Story Police arrive to arrest the whole treehouse team for crimes against storytelling! Andy, Terry and Jill go on the run, but how long can they evade the Story Police and stay out of Story Jail? Praise for Andy Griffiths and the Treehouse series:"Anarchic absurdity at its best. . . . Denton's manic cartooning captures every twist and turn in hilarious detail." —Publishers Weekly, starred review, on The 13-Story Treehouse"Will appeal to fans of Jeff Kinney and Dav Pilkey. . . . The wonderfully random slapstick humor is tailor-made for reluctant readers. . . . A treat for all." —Booklist on The 13-Story TreehouseRead the whole series!The 13-Story TreehouseThe 26-Story TreehouseThe 39-Story TreehouseThe 52-Story TreehouseThe 65-Story TreehouseThe 78-Story TreehouseThe 91-Story TreehouseThe 104-Story TreehouseThe 117-Story Treehouse
The 12 Dares of Christmas (Sycamore Cove Games #1)
by Leigh W. Stuart&“A cheerful, lighthearted romp…cleverly mixes in a seductive game of alternating dares that morphs into more than just a holiday hookup…[a] joyous tale.&”—Publishers Weekly Lauren Hall has one wish for Christmas this year—raise money to build a new, no-kill animal shelter for the little Virginia town of Sycamore Cove. And she is prepared to do anything to make it happen. Even dare a man she just met to perform a strip tease for the local knitting society. Gabe Nicholson has one wish too—obtain the job of a lifetime to launch his career. But his wishes get snowballed when his best friend's little sister hands him a pair of stripper pants and a bottle of eggnog-flavored body oil. It&’s all sugar plums and mistletoe until a scandal caused by Lauren&’s fundraiser threatens to ruin everything. With Gabe's work opportunities disappearing before his eyes and Lauren's fundraising efforts tanking, their game of dares stands to burn them both. Unless it ignites a spark of Christmas magic…
The 12 Days of Christmas
by Greg PizzoliElephant is delighted to get a gift, but as the twelve days of Christmas continue, presents pile higher and higher! A partridge in a pear tree? Cute! But soon, her dad despairs. Two turtle doves? THREE French hens?! And just what are they supposed to do with ten lords a-leaping? Kids will love each silly spread in this raucous take on the classic carol that is perfect for reading aloud around the fireplace.
The 12 Screams of Christmas (Goosebumps Most Wanted #2)
by R. L. StineThe infamous, Most Wanted Goosebumps characters are out on the loose and after you. For the first time ever, it's a Goosebumps Christmas! <P><P> Kate Welles doesn't want to be special. She just wants to play the lead in her school's Christmas play. Her annoying "friend" Courtney is constantly getting in the way of that. Can you even call someone a "friend" if all they do is make fun of you and ruin everything all of the time? But Kate has to get along with Courtney or else neither of them will be allowed to take part in The 12 Screams of Christmas. Kate and Courtney's teacher decides they need to find a special place to rehearse. A certain house with a special history. The kind of place that Kate would normally be pretty frightened to go into. The kind of place that gives new meaning to the term: Christmas Spirit.
The 12-Step Bush Recovery Program
by Gene Stone Carl Pritzkat Tony TravostinoThe first step is admitting that you have a Bush problem–and that you have ten bucks for this book. • Do you think that after eight years of George Bush, this country is in good shape? • Do you feel that the U. S. Constitution has too many Amendments? • Do you often dream of George Bush in a flight suit? If you answered yes to one or more of these questions, it’s time to seek help. In the tradition of the bestsellingBush Survival Bible,The 12-Step Bush Recovery Programis a lifesaving handbook that will help you recover from the Bush years. This vital guide to post-Bush era wellness features useful discussions of important issues such as Avoiding Relapse, Dealing with Embarrassment, Making Your Home a Recovery Zone, and Staging an Intervention. George W. Bush isn’t just a nuisance, he’s a problem that afflicts nearly three out of four Americans. So if you or someone you love has a Bush problem, know this: You don’t have to face it alone. Help is within reach. WithThe 12-Step Bush Recovery Program, you can share in the promise of a better you, a better America, a better world, and a better solar system. Does The 12-Step Bush Recovery Program work? Just look at these unsolicited testimonials: “The 12-Step Bush Recovery Programis the best book of its sort that I’ve ever read. ” –G. Washington, Virginia “Every American should read this book in order to understand the depth of the problem as well as the need for a new president. ” –A. Lincoln, Illinois “I liked this book, but I still don’t understand what it’s about. ” –G. W. Bush, Texas “Read this book and I will shoot you. ” –D. Cheney, Hades From the Trade Paperback edition.
The 13 1/2 Lives of Captain Blue Bear: A Novel
by Walter MoersFrom an author who is “equal parts J.K. Rowling, Douglas Adams, and Shel Silverstein,” the zany illustrated adventures of a sea-faring blue bear. —The Washington PostCaptain Bluebear is a bear with blue fur, a creature as unique as the fantastic adventures he undergoes. Unlike cats, which have only nine lives, bluebears have twenty-seven. This is fortunate, because our hero is forever avoiding disaster by a paw's breadth. In this remarkable book, Captain Bluebear tells the story of his first thirteen-and-a-half lives spent on the mysterious continent of Zamonia, where intelligence is an infectious disease and water flows uphill, where headless giants roam deserts made of sugar, and where only Captain Bluebear's courage and ingenuity enable him to escape the dangers that lie in wait for him around every corner. In company with our indomitable hero, we enter a land of imaginative lunacy and supreme adventure, wicked satire and epic fantasy, all mixed together, turned on its head, and lavishly illustrated by the author.Praise for Walter Moers:“Sheer craziness . . . very amusing.” —Daily Telegraph“Moers's great strength, as evidenced by the multitude of characters he presents, is his creativity. Less a text and more an imagination on paper.” —Philadelphia Enquirer“Moers’ creative mind is like J.K. Rowling on ecstasy.” —Detroit News
The 13 Clocks (Penguin Classics)
by Neil Gaiman James Thurber Marc SimontA giant of American humor makes his Penguin Classics debut with "probably the best book in the world" (Neil Gaiman, from the Introduction), in a stunning Deluxe Edition featuring the original, full-color illustrations The hands of all thirteen clocks stand still in the gloomy castle on a lonely hill where a wicked Duke lives with his niece, the beautiful Princess Saralinda. The Duke fancies he has frozen time, for he is afraid that one day a Prince may come and win away the hand of the Princess--the only warm hand in the castle. To thwart that fate, he sets impossible tasks for Saralinda's suitors. But when the bold Prince Zorn of Zorna arrives, disguised as a wandering minstrel, and helped by the enigmatic Golux, the cold Duke may at last have met his match. Since it was first published in 1950, James Thurber's sublimely whimsical fairy tale of love forestalled but ultimately fulfilled has delighted readers of all ages. It is published here with Marc Simont's enchanting, full-color illustrations from the first edition.For more than seventy years, Penguin has been the leading publisher of classic literature in the English-speaking world. With more than 1,700 titles, Penguin Classics represents a global bookshelf of the best works throughout history and across genres and disciplines. Readers trust the series to provide authoritative texts enhanced by introductions and notes by distinguished scholars and contemporary authors, as well as up-to-date translations by award-winning translators.
The 130-Story Treehouse: Laser Eyes and Annoying Flies (The Treehouse Books #10)
by Andy GriffithsNew York Times-bestselling team Andy Griffiths and Terry Denton invite readers to come hang out with them in their 130-Story Treehouse—the tenth book in the illustrated chapter book series filled with Andy and Terry's signature slapstick humor!Andy and Terry live in a 130-story treehouse. (It used to be a 117-story treehouse, but they added another 13 stories.) It has a soap bubble blaster, a time-wasting level, a 13-story igloo, the GRABINATOR (it can grab anything from anywhere at any time), a toilet paper factory, and an extraterrestrial observation centre for observing aliens. As it turns out, though, it’s Andy, Terry and Jill who are being observed—and then abducted—by a giant flying eyeball from outer space! At first they're excited to be going on an intergalactic space adventure, but when they arrive on Planet Eyeballia, they discover it's not at all a friendly place. Will the gang be able to escape and get back to Earth and write their book before time runs out?Praise for Andy Griffiths and the Treehouse series:"Anarchic absurdity at its best. . . . Denton's manic cartooning captures every twist and turn in hilarious detail." —Publishers Weekly, starred review, on The 13-Story Treehouse"Will appeal to fans of Jeff Kinney and Dav Pilkey. . . . The wonderfully random slapstick humor is tailor-made for reluctant readers. . . . A treat for all." —Booklist on The 13-Story TreehouseRead the whole series!The 13-Story TreehouseThe 26-Story TreehouseThe 39-Story TreehouseThe 52-Story TreehouseThe 65-Story TreehouseThe 78-Story TreehouseThe 91-Story TreehouseThe 104-Story TreehouseThe 117-Story TreehouseThe 130-Story Treehouse
The 143-Story Treehouse: Camping Trip Chaos! (The Treehouse Books #11)
by Andy GriffithsNew York Times-bestselling team Andy Griffiths and Terry Denton invite readers to come hang out with them in their 143-Story Treehouse—the eleventh book in the illustrated chapter book series filled with Andy and Terry's signature slapstick humor!Andy and Terry live in a 143-story treehouse. (It used to be a 130-story treehouse, but they built another 13 stories.) It has a baked bean geyser that erupts on the hour every hour, a wrecking ball, a fish milkshake shack, a word-o-matic (it knows every word in the whole world!), a toffee apple orchard guarded by a kind-hearted scarecrow, and a camping ground.Andy's been a bit stressed out lately, so Terry decides the perfect way to relax would be to head up to their new camping ground level for a much-needed vacation. But it turns out to be not quite as relaxing as planned. Terry forgets to pack the tent and the food, their attempt at fishing ends in disaster, the spooky campfire stories are a little too spooky and then, to make matters worse, all of Andy’s fellow campers start mysteriously disappearing. Can Andy brave the dark, dark woods and rescue them in time to finish writing their next book?A Publishers Weekly BestsellerRead the whole series!The 13-Story TreehouseThe 26-Story TreehouseThe 39-Story TreehouseThe 52-Story TreehouseThe 65-Story TreehouseThe 78-Story TreehouseThe 91-Story TreehouseThe 104-Story TreehouseThe 117-Story TreehouseThe 130-Story TreehouseThe 143-Story Treehouse
The 156-Story Treehouse: Holiday Havoc! (The Treehouse Books #12)
by Andy GriffithsNew York Times-bestselling team Andy Griffiths and Terry Denton invite readers to come hang out with them in their 156-Story Treehouse—the twelfth book in the illustrated chapter book series filled with Andy and Terry's signature slapstick humor!Andy and Terry live in a 156-story treehouse. (It used to be a 143-story treehouse, but they added 13 more levels.) It has a wishing well, a super-stinky stuff level, a bouldering alley (it’s just like bowling, except you use boulders instead of balls), an enigma engine, a TV quiz show level hosted by Quizzy the quizzical robot, and the amazing mind-reading sandwich-making machine that knows exactly what sort of sandwich you want and makes it for you.It’s the night before Christmas but Andy and Terry aren’t ready yet! They haven’t written their letters to Santa, they haven’t sung any carols or hung their stockings, and now Mr. Big Nose wants their next book done by tomorrow. When Santa Claus’s sleigh crash-lands in the treehouse, the reindeer become tangled in the branches and Santa falls into the cloning machine. With dozens of Santas running around and no way to tell which one’s the real one, who’s going to deliver all the presents? It’s up to Andy, Terry, and Jill to work together to save Christmas—and maybe even finish their book on time! Praise for Andy Griffiths and the Treehouse series:"Anarchic absurdity at its best. . . . Denton's manic cartooning captures every twist and turn in hilarious detail." —Publishers Weekly, starred review, on The 13-Story Treehouse"Will appeal to fans of Jeff Kinney and Dav Pilkey. . . . The wonderfully random slapstick humor is tailor-made for reluctant readers. . . . A treat for all." —Booklist on The 13-Story TreehouseRead the whole series!The 13-Story TreehouseThe 26-Story TreehouseThe 39-Story TreehouseThe 52-Story TreehouseThe 65-Story TreehouseThe 78-Story TreehouseThe 91-Story TreehouseThe 104-Story TreehouseThe 117-Story TreehouseThe 130-Story TreehouseThe 143-Story TreehouseThe 156-Story Treehouse
The 169-Story Treehouse: Doppelganger Doom! (The Treehouse Books #13)
by Andy GriffithsAndy and Terry live in a 169-story treehouse. (It used to be a 156-story treehouse, but they've added 13 more stories.) It now has a kangaroo-riding range, a WHATEVER-WEATHER-YOU-WANT dome and a hall of funhouse mirrors—the perfect place to hide from the truancy officer who is trying to catch them and make them go to school!Unfortunately, the hall of funhouse mirrors is also the place where their evil trouble-making twins, Anti-Andy, Terrible Terry and Junkyard Jill live in a doppelgänger mirror, and they take advantage of the confusion to escape and wreak havoc in the treehouse.Can Andy, Terry, and Jill escape school, save the treehouse from the doppelgänger mirror gang AND get their book written on time? Read the whole series!The 13-Story TreehouseThe 26-Story TreehouseThe 39-Story TreehouseThe 52-Story TreehouseThe 65-Story TreehouseThe 78-Story TreehouseThe 91-Story TreehouseThe 104-Story TreehouseThe 117-Story TreehouseThe 130-Story TreehouseThe 143-Story TreehouseThe 156-Story TreehouseThe 169-Story Treehouse
The 176 Stupidest Things Ever Done
by Ross Petras Kathryn Petras*Too lazy to drive to his girlfriend's house, a man ties helium balloons to a lawn chair--and ends up at 15,000 feet, closing the L. A. airport.*A Chinese contraception program causes the birth rate to rise when men are discovered taking birth control pills and unrolling condoms over their fingers--exactly as shown in the training film.*A gang of Norwegian thieves carefully uses explosives to open a safe--only to find the safe is filled with dynamite. . .In the national bestseller The 776 Stupidest Things Ever Said--over 200,000 copies in print--Ross and Kathryn Petras immortalized idiotic utterances by public figures and average citizens alike. But what about the doers out there, the people who didn't stop at speaking, but went right out and did something stupid instead?It's time to give credit where credit is due.The 176 Stupidest Things Ever Done is a hilarious collection of inane incidents, senseless stunts, farcical feats, and utterly asinine activities from throughout history, and around the globe. From Sam Goldwyn to Walter Mondale, Albert Einstein to Fabio, the board of General Motors to British Parliament, this comic compendium chronicles the stupidest acts, ideas, decisions, inventions, songs, and ad campaigns that the mind of modern man has been able to devise. The 176 Stupidest Things Ever Done is a non-stop barrage of belly laughs, conclusive proof that actions speak louder--and funnier--than words.From the Trade Paperback edition.
The 188th Crybaby Brigade: A Memoir
by Joel ChasnoffLook at me. Do you see me? Do you see me in my olive-green uniform, beret, and shiny black boots? Do you see the assault rifle slung across my chest? Finally! I am the badass Israeli soldier at the side of the road, in sunglasses, forearms like bricks. And honestly -- have you ever seen anything quite like me?Joel Chasnoff is twenty-four years old, an American, and the graduate of an Ivy League university. But when his career as a stand-up comic fails to get off the ground, Chasnoff decides it's time for a serious change of pace. Leaving behind his amenity-laden Brooklyn apartment for a plane ticket to Israel, Joel trades in the comforts of being a stereotypical American Jewish male for an Uzi, dog tags (with his name misspelled), and serious mental and physical abuse at the hands of the Israeli Army. The 188th Crybaby Brigade is a hilarious and poignant account of Chasnoff's year in the Israel Defense Forces -- a year that he volunteered for, and that he'll never get back. As a member of the 188th Armored Brigade, a unit trained on the Merkava tanks that make up the backbone of Israeli ground forces, Chasnoff finds himself caught in a twilight zone-like world of mandatory snack breaks, battalion sing-alongs, and eighteen-year-old Israeli mama's boys who feign injuries to get out of guard duty and claim diarrhea to avoid kitchen work. More time is spent arguing over how to roll a sleeve cuff than studying the mechanics of the Merkava tanks. The platoon sergeants are barely older than the soldiers and are younger than Chasnoff himself. By the time he's sent to Lebanon for a tour of duty against Hezbollah, Chasnoff knows everything about why snot dries out in the desert, yet has never been trained in firing the MAG. And all this while his relationship with his tough-as-nails Israeli girlfriend (herself a former drill sergeant) crumbles before his very eyes. The lone American in a platoon of eighteen-year-old Israelis, Chasnoff takes readers into the barracks; over, under, and through political fences; and face-to-face with the absurd reality of life in the Israeli Army. It is a brash and gritty depiction of combat, rife with ego clashes, breakdowns in morale, training mishaps that almost cost lives, and the barely containable sexual urges of a group of teenagers. What's more, it's an on-the-ground account of life in one of the most embattled armies on earth -- an occupying force in a hostile land, surrounded by enemy governments and terrorists, reviled by much of the world. With equal parts irreverence and vulnerability, irony and intimacy, Chasnoff narrates a new kind of coming-of-age story -- one that teaches us, moves us, and makes us laugh.
The 18th Emergency
by Betsy ByarsBenjie and his friend Ezzie have escape plans for every emergency, including lion attacks and quicksand, but no clue what to do about the class bullySo what if Benjie &“Mouse&” Fawley likes practical jokes? He&’s a good kid who never meant to harm anyone. The same cannot be said for Marv Hammerman, a boy in Benjie&’s middle school who is as big as a high-schooler but has the temper of a two-year-old. When Benjie (in a fit of insanity) writes a joke about Marv for all to see, he soon realizes he&’s stumbled into the biggest emergency he&’s ever faced. Now Benjie must decide whether to stay at school and face a clobbering, or run off and live the rest of his life hiding in the woods. The 18th Emergency is a hilarious account of the trials of surviving the school bully. This ebook features an illustrated biography of Betsy Byars including rare images from the author&’s personal collection.
The 1990s Coloring Book: All That and a Box of Crayons (Psych! Crayons Not Included.)
by James GrangeA HILARIOUS COLORING-BOOK CELEBRATION OF EVERYTHING 90S, INCLUDING MOVIES, MUSIC, TELEVISION, FASHION, AND TECHNOLOGY Who said coloring books are just for children? With The 1990s Coloring Book, fans of that epic era can grab their neon crayons and start shading in their favorite moments. A colorful decade full of intriguing characters, memorable slang, and regrettable fashion, the 1990s loom large in today's pop-culture consciousness. With a variety of illustrations from gigantic Zack Morris cell phones, flamboyant Bill Cosby sweaters, and mesmerizing Lisa Frank folders to Ross and Rachel kissing at Central Perk, the Spice Girls donning super-tall platform shoes, and Biggie and Tupac rapping East Coast/West Coast, the pages of The 1990s Coloring Book are a Rollerblade down memory lane. This pop-culture collage provides endless fun for anyone who is artistically inclined or just nostalgic for the days of Doc Martens and Daria. It truly is all that and a bag of chips.
The 2,320 Funniest Quotes: The Most Hilarious Quips and One-Liners from allgreatquotes.com
by Tom CorrPresenting the best of the best from AllGreatQuotes.com, this uproarious volume features gems on every topic, from sex and money to spouses and politics.From the witty quips of Mark Twain to the unintentionally hilarious gaffs of today’s celebrities, this collection of snappy quotes puts readers in hysterics. This uproarious volume has clever gems on every topic imaginable. It ranges from Oscar Wilde’s devious perspective on people (“Always forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them so much.”) to Socrates’ ironic advice on marriage (“By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you’ll be happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.”) to Julia Roberts’ view on keeping it real (“Your face tells a story—and it shouldn’t be a story about your drive to the doctor’s office.”). The 2,320 FunniestQuotes is perfect for readers who want a cocktail party wisecrack, Facebook wall post, or witty retort, or who are just looking for a reason to smile. Laugh until you cry with such words of wisdom as . . . God gave man a penis and a brain, but not enough blood to use both at the same time. —Robin WilliamsMoney can’t buy you happiness, but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery. —Spike MilliganSome cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go. —Oscar WildeThe answers to life’s problems aren’t at the bottom of a bottle, they’re on TV! —Homer SimpsonWhen I eventually met Mr. Right, I had no idea that his first name was “Always.” —Rita RudnerHappiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. —George Burns
The 2,548 Best Things Anybody Ever Said
by Robert ByrneDrawing from diverse personages from Goethe to Churchill to Woody Allen, The 2,548 Best Things Anybody Ever Said is a witty wise quotation collection that deserves a special place on every humor lover's bookshelf. These unique, funny, and outrageous quotations, previously published in four separate volumes, are now gathered together in a seemingly limitless trove of pithy and often irreverent one-liners, retorts, put-downs, jokes, and last words that cover every conceivable subject and will appeal to every taste. Highlights include: —W. C. Fields: "Start every day with a smile and get it over with." —George Burns:&” "Happiness is having a large loving family in another city." And many more.
The 2,548 Wittiest Things Anybody Ever Said
by Robert ByrneA fresh selection of sharp, witty zingers gathered from both famous and utterly unknown (but very quotable) sources, by the editor of the popular The 2,548 Best Things Anybody Ever Said Robert Byrne's quote books are widely praised as authoritative and accessible sources of sayings for any and all occasions. Byrne's own wit, diligent research, and creativity combine to form a fresh go-to reference that serves readers better than Google--no Wi-Fi required. The 2,548 Wittiest Things Anybody Ever Said is an all-new collection of clever quips and laugh-out-loud punch lines from Gracie Allen to Frank Zappa, on such topics as sex, divorce, religion, fashion, animals, and money: STEVE MARTIN: "I'd do anything for a good body except exercise and eat right." JON STEWART: "War is God's way of teaching Americans geography." NORA EPHRON: "Successful parents have adult children who can pay for their own psychoanalysis." This compilation, to be enjoyed by generations young and old, deserves a place of honor on every language lover's bookshelf.
The 2000s Made Me Gay: Essays on Pop Culture
by Grace PerryFrom The Onion and Reductress contributor, this collection of essays is a hilarious nostalgic trip through beloved 2000s media, interweaving cultural criticism and personal narrative to examine how a very straight decade forged a very queer woman"Honest, funny, smart, and illuminating.” —Anna Drezen, co-head writer of SNL"If you came of age at the intersection of Mean Girls and The L Word: Read this book.” —Sarah Pappalardo, editor in chief and co-founder of Reductress Today’s gay youth have dozens of queer peer heroes, both fictional and real, but former gay teenager Grace Perry did not have that luxury. Instead, she had to search for queerness in the (largely straight) teen cultural phenomena the aughts had to offer: in Lindsay Lohan’s fall from grace, Gossip Girl, Katy Perry’s “I Kissed A Girl,” country-era Taylor Swift, and Seth Cohen jumping on a coffee cart. And, for better or worse, these touch points shaped her adult identity. She came out on the other side like many millennials did: in her words, gay as hell.Throw on your Von Dutch hats and join Grace on a journey back through the pop culture moments of the aughts, before the cataclysmic shift in LGBTQ representation and acceptance—a time not so long ago, which many seem to forget.
The 2020 Commission Report on the North Korean Nuclear Attacks Against the United States: A Speculative Novel
by Jeffrey LewisThis &“brilliantly conceived&” novel imagines a devastating nuclear attack on America and the official government report of the calamity (Eric Schlosser, author of Fast Food Nation and Command and Control). &“The skies over the Korean Peninsula on March 21, 2020, were clear and blue.&” So begins this sobering report by the Commission on the Nuclear Attacks against the United States, established by Congress and President Donald J. Trump to investigate the horrific events of the following three days. An independent, bipartisan panel led by nuclear expert Jeffrey Lewis, the commission was charged with finding and reporting the relevant facts, investigating how the nuclear war began, and determining whether our government was adequately prepared. Did President Trump and his advisers understand North Korean views about nuclear weapons? Did the tragic milestones of that fateful month—North Korea's accidental shoot-down of Air Busan flight 411, the retaliatory strike by South Korea, and the tweet that triggered vastly more carnage—inevitably lead to war? Or did America&’s leaders have the opportunity to avert the greatest calamity in the history of our nation? Answering these questions will not bring back the lives lost in March, 2020. It will not rebuild New York, Washington, or the other cities reduced to rubble. But at the very least, it might prevent a tragedy of this magnitude from occurring again. It is this hope that inspired The 2020 Commission Report. &“I couldn&’t put the book down, reading most of it in the course of one increasingly intense evening. If fear of nuclear war is going to keep you up at night, at least it can be a page-turner.&”—New Scientist