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The Bear Went Over the Mountain
by William KotzwinkleThe bestselling author of "The Fan Man" and "E. T. : The Extraterrestrial" does it again--with the story of Hal Jam, a big black bear who finds a manuscript under a tree in the Maine woods, dons a suit and tie, and heads off to the big city to seek his fame and fortune. "The Bear Went Over the Mountain" captures the zeitgeist of the 1990s dead on in a delicious bedtime story for grownups.
The Bear in the Attic
by Patrick F. McManusThe beloved humorist and bestselling author returns with his most riotous collection of essays to date.Overflowing with his trademark outdoorsman's wit, Patrick F. McManus's newest collection ponders the strange allure of the RV, the existential implications of being lost, the baffling tendency of animals to outsmart those who wish to hunt them, and the singular pleasure of doubling the size of every fish one doesn't actually catch.Combining the curmudgeonly voice of Dave Barry and the sly humor of Garrison Keillor, McManus brilliantly captures the everyday absurdities that comprise our existence. Alongside his humor, McManus's inimitable vision consistently evokes a childlike wonder at the natural world. Even if we are running low on food, the compass is broken, and we are fairly certain we have just spotted a family of Sasquatches frolicking in the treetops, The Bear in the Attic makes the outdoors seem irresistible.
The Bears on Hemlock Mountain
by Alice Dalgliesh Helen Sewell"There are no bears on Hemlock Mountain, No bears, no bears at all..." <P><P> Or so young Jonathan is told by the grown-ups as he sets out alone over Hemlock Mountain. But as Jonathan discovers on that cold winter night, grown-ups don't always know... <P> And there are bears on Hemlock Mountain<P> Newbery Medal Honor Book
The Beast In Him: The Beast In Him; The Mane Event; Big Bad Beast; Bear Meets Girl (The Pride Series #2)
by Shelly LaurenstonAnimal magnetism has a whole new meaning. . .Some things are so worth waiting for. Like the moment when Jessica Ward "accidentally" bumps into heartthrob Bobby Ray Smith and shows him just how far she's come since high school. Back then, Jess turned to jelly any time Smitty got near her. Some things haven't changed. Except now Jess is a success on her own terms. And she can enjoy a romp--or twenty--with a big, bad wolf and walk away. Easy. The sexy, polished CEO who hires Smitty's security firm might be a million miles from the lovable geek he knew, but her kiss, her touch, is every bit as hot as he imagined. Jess was never the kind to ask for help, and she doesn't want it now--but someone is targeting her Pack. And Smitty's not going to turn tail and run. Not before proving that their sheet-scorching animal lust is only the start of something even wilder. . .
The Beast and Not a Single Beauty
by Olga Kryuchkova Elena KryuchkovaArina Solovyova is apparated to the wizardly world and meets fairy Miranda there. Miranda is trying to remove spells from her godson Henry (his face is disfigured by evil charms). Only the kiss of true love can remove the spell from the prince. Miranda and Arina organize together the marriage agency “Weddings and Roses” and advertise it via magic mirrors. Not only princesses of various origin rush to the agency, but swindlers, too. Work in the marriage agency is in full swing. At this point, Miranda’s magical license, allowing her to exercise magic, expires. The fairy tries to get money and decides to commit an unforgivable undertaking, as a result of which the royal ruby comes into the hands of zwergs (mountain dwarves-jewellers). Zwergs use it to ornate the necklace of the Goddess Freyja. King Richard, the father of Prince Henry, is extremely dissatisfied with the actions of Miranda. However, he helps her to renew the license. And he also asks the fairy to find him a decent wife. Fairy Chloe arrives in the castle as a contender for the king's heart. Soon, it turns out that it was she who cast a spell on Prince Henry in a fit of anger sixteen years ago…
The Beast and the Bethany (The Beast and the Bethany #1)
by Jack Meggitt-PhillipsLemony Snicket meets Roald Dahl in this &“wickedly funny&” (James Ponti, New York Times bestselling author), deliciously macabre, and highly illustrated tale of a hungry beast, a vain immortal man, and a not-so-charming little girl who doesn&’t know she&’s about to be eaten.Beauty comes at a price. And no one knows that better than Ebenezer Tweezer, who has stayed beautiful for 511 years. How, you may wonder? Ebenezer simply has to feed the beast in the attic of his mansion. In return for meals of performing monkeys, statues of Winston Churchill, and the occasional cactus, Ebenezer gets potions that keep him young and beautiful, as well as other presents. But the beast grows ever greedier with each meal, and one day he announces that he&’d like to eat a nice, juicy child next. Ebenezer has never done anything quite this terrible to hold onto his wonderful life. Still, he finds the absolutely snottiest, naughtiest, and most frankly unpleasant child he can and prepares to feed her to the beast. The child, Bethany, may just be more than Ebenezer bargained for. She&’s certainly a really rather rude houseguest, but Ebenezer still finds himself wishing she didn&’t have to be gobbled up after all. Could it be Bethany is less meal-worthy and more…friend-worthy?
The Beast from the East (Goosebumps #43)
by R. L. StineGinger Wald and her identical twin brothers, Nat and Pat, are lost in the woods. No problem. After all, Ginger did go to that stupid nature camp.Still, there's something odd about this part of the woods. The grass is yellow. The bushes are purple. And the trees are like skyscrapers.Then Ginger and her brothers meet the beasts. They're big blue furry creatures. And they want to play a game. But in this game, the winners get to live. The losers get eaten...
The Beast of Buckingham Palace
by David WalliamsThe UK's #1 bestselling children's author, David Walliams, is back with a fantastical tale of myth and legend, good and evil, and one small boy on a quest to save the world—chock-full of Walliams’s unmistakable humor and perfect for fans of Jeff Kinney and Roald Dahl.The kingdom has fallen into darkness.Prince Alfred has never left the safety of Buckingham Palace. But there are strange goings on inside the palace walls—and Alfred’s life is about to change forever.In the dead of night something terrible stalks the corridors. When Alfred’s beloved mother the queen is dragged off to the Tower of London, the boy must summon all his courage to embark on an epic quest to save her… and the entire world.
The Beatles Couldn't Read Music? (Wait! What? #0)
by Dan GutmanFrom the best-selling author of My Weird School: a new entry in the cheerful and engaging biography series centered on high-interest historic figures. Did you know that John Lennon’s mom called him “Stinker” because he farted so much? Or that Paul McCartney liked playing guitar in the bathroom? Bet you didn’t know that George Harrison once had his friend’s parent sign his report card, or that Ringo Starr’s grandma thought he was possessed by witches! Paige and Turner have collected some of the most unusual and surprising facts about the rock stars, from their childhoods and early days as musicians to the formation of the Beatles and their rise to become the greatest band of all time. Narrated by the two spirited siblings and animated by Allison Steinfeld’s upbeat illustrations, Wait! What? The Beatles Couldn’t Read Music? is an authoritative, accessible, and one-of-a-kind biography infused with Dan Gutman’s signature zany sense of humor.
The Beatrice Letters
by Lemony SnicketTop Secret-only for readers deeply interested in the Baudelaire case. How I pity those readers. With all due respect, Lemony Snicket
The Beaufort Diaries
by T CooperA polar bear tries to go green--in Hollywood, with Leonardo DiCaprio--in an outrageous tale that includes equally outrageous full-color illustrations. JUST A SMALL TIME BEAR, LIVING A LONELY WORLD: What happens when an arctic refugee finds himself adrift in LA-LA Land? Behold Beaufort's rocket rise to stardom, his inevitable crash and burn, his enduring friendship with Leonardo DiCaprio, and his painful journey to redemption and bear-awareness. Turns out when you're a dying breed in Hollywood, it's tough to go with the floe.
The Beautiful People and Other Aggravations
by Rose Madeline Mula&“Laugh your cares away with Rose Madeline Mula, one of the Saturday Evening Post&’s favorite humor writers.&” —Ted Kreiter, editor, Saturday Evening Post &“Read this book sitting on the beach, relaxing in a bubble bath, commuting to work on the train, or vegging out on a Sunday afternoon.&” —Mary McHugh, author, How Not to Become a Crotchety Old Man &“If laughter is the best medicine, you can throw away your prescriptions! This book will replace them all.&” —Joan Fontaine, actress, Jane Eyre (1944) &“[Rose&’s] bubbling wit and humor will tickle your nose and your funny bone like the best vintage wine.&” —Russ Gorman, WOON talk show host In her signature self-deprecating and hilarious style, humor essayist Rose Madeline Mula gripes about growing old. Her inability to stick with New Year&’s resolutions, the mystery of her clothes shrinking to a smaller size with each passing season, and her susceptibility to infomercials are just a few of the problems pestering Mula. In this collection of comical compositions, readers can skip around from one laugh-out-loud essay to the next while enjoying the author&’s endless wit and charm. The animated author recalls the days before cars came equipped with electric windows, when pin boys frequented bowling alleys, and songs were composed with lovely lyrics that the listener could understand. While written with a mature audience in mind, women of all ages will enjoy this relatable book.
The Beautiful Poetry of Football Commentary
by Charlie EccleshareRoma have risen from their ruins!Manolas, the Greek God in Rome!The unthinkable unfolds before our eyes.This was not meant to happen, this could not happen . . . this is happening!Peter DruryIf football is the beautiful game, then commentators are its poets.Whether it's the brevity of Barry Davies, the boundless enthusiasm of Clive Tyldesley or the sheer eloquence of Peter Drury's monologues, the canon of football commentary is replete with memorable lines that would have some of the great classical orators nodding in appreciation. Curated by football journalist Charlie Eccleshare, The Beautiful Poetry of Football Commentary is a glorious anthology of iconic lines, set out as poems, celebrating the best commentators that have ever graced a microphone. Each poem is accompanied by 'scholarly' analysis capturing the enduring power of language on the beautiful game.So, drink it in, and immerse yourself in classic verse from Ali Brownlee, Andy Gray, Brian Moore, David Coleman, John Motson, Jon Champion, Jonathan Pearce, Kenneth Wolstenholme, Martin Tyler, and many more.
The Beautiful Poetry of Football Commentary
by Charlie EccleshareRoma have risen from their ruins!Manolas, the Greek God in Rome!The unthinkable unfolds before our eyes.This was not meant to happen, this could not happen . . . this is happening!Peter DruryIf football is the beautiful game, then commentators are its poets.Whether it's the brevity of Barry Davies, the boundless enthusiasm of Clive Tyldesley or the sheer eloquence of Peter Drury's monologues, the canon of football commentary is replete with memorable lines that would have some of the great classical orators nodding in appreciation. Curated by football journalist Charlie Eccleshare, The Beautiful Poetry of Football Commentary is a glorious anthology of iconic lines, set out as poems, celebrating the best commentators that have ever graced a microphone. Each poem is accompanied by 'scholarly' analysis capturing the enduring power of language on the beautiful game.So, drink it in, and immerse yourself in classic verse from Ali Brownlee, Andy Gray, Brian Moore, David Coleman, John Motson, Jon Champion, Jonathan Pearce, Kenneth Wolstenholme, Martin Tyler, and many more.
The Beauty Charmed Santa
by Shirley JumpSanta's the one on the naughty list this year!When Cole Benson agrees to play Old Saint Nick at a Boston-area mall, the former actor is desperate to regain his career. What he doesn't count on is his seeing his ex, Stephanie Taylor, working as one of the elves. The fire that once simmered between them is lit all over again, and Cole begins to wonder if maybe he can bring about a second chance this Christmas. He doesn't realize that Stephanie is hiding a big secret, one that will put this Santa in a compromising position, and make him wonder whether he did the right thing leaving town all those years ago. Stephanie takes a chance on falling for the playboy again, even if it means waking up alone on Christmas morning. Is Santa here to stay this time? Will he become the family man Stephanie needs? Or will he hop in his sleigh as soon as the holiday is over? *Special bonus material: Recipes written by the characters inside!*
The Beauty, the Beast and the Baby (Man of the Month #985)
by Dixie BrowningMAN OF THE MONTHTALL, DARK AND HANDSOMEMR. MARCHThe Beast: Gus Wydowski, a brooding bachelor with a weakness for beautiful women-but not for bouncing babies!The Beauty: Mariah Brady didn't need a man who knew nothing about babies-especially when she was juggling a newborn!The Baby: Was cute little Jessie going to hook Mariah a husband?Gus couldn’t diaper an infant to save his life, but he also couldn't stay away from Mariah Brady. And Mariah and baby Jessie were a package deal, so before he knew it, he was knee-deep in bottles and diaper pins. And now the beauty was trying to turn the beast-bachelor into a family man!Man of the Month: Can the beauty transform the already-handsome beast into a husband?
The Beaver and the Elephant
by Keith LemonHaving penned his memoir, bestselling author and TV favourite Keith Lemon has turned his attention to children's books... Yes, you read that correctly. May we introduce Beaver and Elephant - an unlikely pairing but the best of friends! This first book, containing three short stories, brings Keith's distinctive style to the page and follows the adventures of the bossy Beaver and the bumbling but loveable Elephant - whether they are shopping for shoes, splashing around in the sea on holiday or getting into the Christmas spirit. You might even spot a strawberry blonde northern businessman in there too. Endearing and entertaining, Keith's wonderful illustrations are superimposed onto real life photography to create a children's book like no other. Perfect bedtime reading to keep you and your child entertained!
The Beaver and the Elephant
by Keith LemonHaving penned his memoir, bestselling author and TV favourite Keith Lemon has turned his attention to children's books... Yes, you read that correctly. May we introduce Beaver and Elephant - an unlikely pairing but the best of friends! This first book, containing three short stories, brings Keith's distinctive style to the page and follows the adventures of the bossy Beaver and the bumbling but loveable Elephant - whether they are shopping for shoes, splashing around in the sea on holiday or getting into the Christmas spirit. You might even spot a strawberry blonde northern businessman in there too. Endearing and entertaining, Keith's narration creates a children's book like no other.Perfect bedtime reading to keep you and your child entertained!Read by Keith Lemon(p) 2014 Orion Publishing Group
The Beavers That Struck It Rich
by Linda ZajacWhat good is money to a beaver? In this amazing yet true story, wild beavers build their dam using stolen money that was discard into a creek. While the authorities scoured the area for the cash, the beavers incorporated the bills into their dam.
The Beaverton Presents Glorious and/or Free: The True History of Canada
by Luke Gordon Field Alex HuntleyA hilarious tour through Canada's history, from the nation's most trusted news source: The Beaverton.There is a new media empire in Canada--and unlike others, it is honest about being "fake news." Its satirical headlines have been misinforming Canadians across the country and the world, using parody to shine a light on the nation. What started as an immensely popular online newspaper led to a hit TV show delivering biting commentary on Canadian culture, politics, and the biggest news stories. Now, in its first book, The Beaverton looks back over Canada's past to show how we became the ridiculous nation we are today. Through the lens of the venerable Beaverton, one of Canada's oldest and proudest newspaper, the editors share the headlines and articles that defined the times. From the challenging days of colonization ("Angry New France mother calls son by using all of his 329 middle and family names") to the earliest days of nationhood ("Paternity test confirms John A. actual father of Confederation"), from war heritage ("Vimy Ridge: Canada becomes a nation after killing Germans for Britain on French soil") right up to the twenty-first century ("Harper government offers apology to victims of first long-form census")--this is Canada like you've never seen it. Part mock-history, part fake scrapbook, and fully illustrated with original art and historical images,* The Beaverton Presents Glorious and/or Free is a hilarious and ruthless stab at our national myths and legends. And, like all great satire, it's funny because it's true. *Some "images" adjusted to increase historical "accuracy"
The Bedroom Business
by Sandra MartonJake McBride is a self-made millionaire, brilliant at business, talented in bed--and cynical about women. Emily Taylor is his personal assistant, terrific in the office...and an innocent when it comes to the opposite sex!But when Jake teaches Emily how to transform herself from shy secretary into sexy siren, he loses his grip on his legendary cool. If she's going to lose her virginity, it has to be to him!
The Bedroom Surrender
by Emma DarcyThe secret virgin…Rosalie James appears to have it all: looks, wealth and a successful modeling career. But no one knows the secrets of her past.And the passionate playboy…Adam Cazell lives life in the fast lane, too. And he's infuriated by Rosalie. Why is she so private and wary? Adam decides to invite Rosalie to stay with him at his exclusive Caribbean villa, where the sensual days and steamy nights will surely lead her to surrender…
The Bedwetter: Stories of Courage, Redemption, and Pee
by Sarah SilvermanFrom the outrageously filthy and oddly innocent comedienne comes a memoir that is at once shockingly personal, surprisingly poignant, and still laugh-out-loud funny. With her signature taboo-breaking humor, Silverman writes on everything from her epic struggle with hairy arms (there's not enough wax in the world) to the death of her infant brother.
The Bedwetter: Stories of Courage, Redemption, and Pee
by Sarah SilvermanFrom the outrageously filthy and oddly innocent comedienne and star of the powerful 2015 film I Smile Back Sarah Silverman comes a memoir—her first book—that is at once shockingly personal, surprisingly poignant, and still pee-in-your-pants funny. In this collection of humorous essays, Sarah Silverman tells tales of growing up Jewish in New Hampshire, losing her virginity, learning to curse at 3 years old, and being a bedwetter until she was old enough to drive, and in a surprisingly poignant piece, she recounts the accidental death of her infant brother. Of course, in her loopy, taboo-breaking way, she always manages somehow to leave you laughing. But then you’d expect nothing less from a woman who sang to her boyfriend on national television that she was “F***ing Matt Damon.”If you like Sarah’s television show The Sarah Silverman Program, or memoirs such as Chelsea Handler’s Are You There Vodka? It’s Me Chelsea and Artie Lange’s Too Fat to Fish, you’ll love The Bedwetter.
The Bee's Knees
by Roger McGoughA brilliant collection of brand-new poems from 'the patron saint of poetry'. Longer, narrative poems sit comfortably with Roger McGough's sharper observations and insightful words in this collection, perfectly illustrated in black-and-white line by Helen Stephens.