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The Complete A**hole's Guide to Handling Chicks
by Dan Indante Karl MarksCongratulations, man! By picking up The Complete A**hole's Guide to Handling Chicks, you are just pages away from finally understanding:- How a five-dollar date can get you laid- How to stop being friends with girls and start getting them in the sack- Where you'll have the best odds of finding a one-night stand, and how to get rid of the chick the next morning - How to trick a woman into thinking you're classy, even if you have holes in your underwear- Why fat chicks always try to keep you from banging their hot friends, and how to finally stop these evil creatures- How to stop your wife from nagging you into an early grave- Why it's possible to watch six hours of football, put the moves on your neighbor's hot daughter, and leave the toilet seat up in the same day- And much moreThe Complete A**hole's Guide isn't like all the other candy-ass relationship books on the market; it doesn't cover issues like romance, love, and finding Miss Right. So, if that's what you're looking for, there are plenty of other books you can hide under your skirt as you skip out of the store. This book is about controlling the women in your life, and never having to say you're sorry . . . EVER AGAIN!We'll take you from the day you're born to the day you die and show you how women can be manipulated, frustrated, and ultimately dominated throughout the course of a man's life. By illustrating the insanity of the female mind, we'll show you why the flawed chick psyche causes them to continuously fall for the a**hole, no matter how many times they get burned. If you're not interested, that's fine. We're sure there are ballet classes you need to attend before your wine and cheese party. However, if you are ready, then grab a six-pack, order a pizza, and get your hand out of your pants because you're about to read the most perverse, sadistic, and hysterical relationship book ever written. Enjoy!
The Complete Adventures of Curious George
by Margret Rey"This is George. He lived in Africa. He was a good little monkey, and always very curious. ” With these words, H. A. and Margret Rey introduced the world to Curious George in 1941, and the world has loved him ever since. The tales of this cheerful and resilient little hero have kept generations of readers enthralled and entertained. Now, in recognition of the sixtieth anniversary of his debut, Houghton Mifflin proudly presents a special edition of George’s best-loved adventures. With an introduction by critic Leonard Marcus, a retrospective note by publisher Anita Silvey, and a cataloged history of the Reys by curator Dee Jones, this collection offers a fun and fascinating portrait of a classic character and his unique creators.
The Complete Book of Cat Names (That Your Cat Won't Answer to, Anyway)
by Bob EcksteinNaming a cat is the most important step in your kitten’s life—New Yorker cartoonist Bob Eckstein can help. Reader, beware! A cat’s name will set the tone for the rest of their personal and professional life. Recent studies from dubious cat blogs have shown that 80 percent of cat owners regret the name they gave their feline friends. The number one reason: it became too popular. Fear not. Whether the goal is a name to carry on family tradition or to find something new and different, The Complete Book of Cat Names is packed with options, along with all-new, cat-themed cartoons by Eckstein, making this crucial step in owning a pet a pleasure. Here, you will find the most popular cat names (to avoid), bookstore cat names (Homer or Pip), cat names for foodies (S’more or Capers), James Bond villain cats (Golden Paws or Jinx), and many more. In addition, Eckstein provides handy charts for identifying a cat’s type (inside or outside, sassy or sweet). It’s the perfect gift for any cat owner.
The Complete Book of Farts
by Alec BromcieFrom the publisher of the bestselling "Gross" series comes our grossest book yet! flat*u*lence (flach-u-lens) n. Female: an embarrassing by-product of digestion Male: an endless source of entertainment, self-expression, and male bonding Since the dawn of time, farting has been with us in all its rich and varied guises. Every nation in the world has developed its own ripe and extensive vocabulary to express the function of farting. Qui a pété? (Who's farted?) the French would ask, while the Chinese have to Fon Pei Ha, the Germans furzen, and the Swedes to fisa. Farting is a universal fascination, and every generation of boys and young men seem to revel in all things farting. For everyone fascinated with farts (and you know who you are!) comes The Complete Book of Farts. Filled with hilarious, real-life experiences and stories (and a lot of nitrogen, oxygen, carbon dioxide, hydrogen, and methane), this is the perfect companion for all those who fart, and those who don't (or won't admit it). Now, in a single volume, readers will discover: history's greatest farters; recipes for fantastic farts; farting etiquette; farting vocabulary for world travelers; funniest farting jokes, limericks, and quips; true farting confessions; and much more! No other book on farting gives us as much information and hilarity as this year's best gift for every boy (of all ages!) in your life. While there might be other farting-book imitators, only The Complete Book of Farts is the ultimate guide to all things gaseous!
The Complete Brigadier Gerard: Stories (Canongate Classics)
by Arthur Conan DoyleThese charming adventures of the 19th century French brigadier by the creator of Sherlock Holms are &“unjustly forgotten tales by a great master&” (Michael Chabon). Though Sir Arthur Conan Doyle is best known for his immortal character Sherlock Holmes, his tales of comic adventure featuring Brigadier Etienne Gerard, a French cavalry officer in the tine of the Napoleonic Wars, were equally beloved in their day. An old man who has retired in Paris, Gerard now recounts his escapades of younger days. In Napoleon&’s service, he fights battles, breaks hearts, and confounds the English all across Europe. This volume collects all of Doyle&’s Brigadier Gerard stories, originally published in The Strand Magazine between 1894 and 1903. In The Complete Brigadier Gerard Stories &“you will find adventure, action, romance, love and self-sacrifice, hair's-breadth escape and reckless courage, gallantry, panache and a droll, backhand humor that rivals that of P.G. Wodehouse. You will also find yourself, even more than with the celebrated stories of Holmes and Watson, in the hands of an indisputable artist. For more than any other adventure stories I know, these stories have a power to move the reader… unjustly forgotten tales by a great master" (Michael Chabon for NPR's You Must Read This). "The Brigadier Gerard stories display all the narrative gusto of Doyle's more famous Sherlock Holmes, together with an irresistible warmth and humor."—Philip Pullman
The Complete Dangerous Davies
by Leslie ThomasAs plain-clothes men go, Dangerous Davies looks like a non-starter. The small fry of petty larceny and minor disturbances in the backwaters of north-west London are his daily round. His philosophising Welsh drinking companion Mod, his outsized and unruly dog Kitty, his quarrels with his landlady Mrs Fulljames - none of these bodes well for the efficient solving of crimes and outwitting of villainy. But Davies is encouraged by his beautiful friend Jemma, and every so often he stumbles upon something really big.Gathered together for the first time in one volume, here are Leslie Thomas's three books about the most endearing comic hero he has ever created.
The Complete How to Speak Southern
by Steve Mitchell Sam C. RawlsThe laugh sensation that swept the nation, How to Speak Southern and More How to Speak Southern, is now collected in one complete-and completely hilarious-volume. Embraced by Southerners everywhere and dedicated to all Yankees in the hope that it will teach them to talk right, this uproarious book decodes "Suthun" wit and wisdom for "Nawthun" upstarts everywhere. From "aig" (a breakfast food that may be fried, scrambled, boiled, or poached) to "zackly" (as in "precisely"), here's just a sampling of what you'll find inside: ATTAIR: Contraction used to indicate the specific item desired. "Pass me attair gravy, please."EVERWHICHAWAYS: To be scattered in all directions. "You should have been there when the train hit that chicken truck. Them chickens flew ever which aways."YONTNY: Do you want any. "Yontny more corn bread?" Funny as well as informative, this laugh-out-loud dictionary will keep you laughing and learning-no matter where you fall on the Mason-Dixon Line! From the Hardcover edition.
The Complete Idiot's Guide to Comedy Writing
by James MendrinosComedy is serious business—and serious money. In this guide, comedian, writer, and teacher James Mendrinos explains the principles of comedy and how to apply them to forms from stand-up to sitcoms- including fiction, film, speeches, articles, essays, and more. He also includes exercises designed to hone the craft, break through writer&’s block, and tailor a piece to its intended audience. In this Complete Idiot&’s Guide®, you get: • Foolproof advice for writing scripts, feature films, plays, cartoons, stand-up jokes—even working humor into your presentation at work. • Terrific techniques for brainstorming, free associating, and drafting lists to make your writing better—and funnier. • Stand-up tips on identifying with and writing for your audience and genre. • Navigation tools for the inroads to marketing and selling your comedy.
The Complete Idiot's Guide to Ventriloquism
by Taylor MasonThe art of "bellyspeaking" isn't for dummiesThe Complete Idiot's Guide® to Ventriloquism teaches everyone to speak from their bellies, create and substitute sounds, use all the registers of their voice, and create diversions to attract the listener's ear—whether they invest in a fancy puppet or create their own figure out of a sweat sock. • Includes tips for making, manipulating, and talking with their dummy and for it—both at the same time • Advice for getting an act together and taking it on the road-getting gigs, getting paid, and how to improve performances • How to write dialogue and jokes and rehearsal techniques
The Complete Jessica Darling Series
by Megan MccaffertyGrowing Up Can Be Perfect in Its Imperfection The Jessica Darling series chronicles one young woman's coming-of-age in the first decade of the 21st century. Over five books and ten years, Jessica Darling fumbles her way into adulthood. She evolves from a sixteen-year-old cynic, snarking in her diary about catty cliques, unrequited crushes, and other high school indignities, into a jet-setting twenty-six-year-old urbanite searching for more meaning in her life. Through all her misadventures in high school, college, and beyond, Jessica gets long-distance support from her best friend, Hope. But it's her on-again/off-again love of her life, Marcus Flutie, who can always be counted on to complicate her life in ways that are infuriating, intoxicating, and ultimately irresistible. SLOPPY FIRSTS: Meet Jessica Darling--and fall for Marcus Flutie--in this high school comedy of many, many errors. A fresh, funny, utterly compelling fiction debut, Sloppy Firsts is an insightful true-to-life look at sixteen-year-old Jessica's predicament as she embarks on another year of teenage torment--from the dark days after her best friend, Hope, moves away through her months as a type-A personality turned insomniac to her completely mixed up feelings about Marcus Flutie, the intelligent and mysterious "Dreg" who works his way into her heart. SECOND HELPINGS: Can Jessica survive senior year without losing her mind . . . or her heart?This time, Jess is going through the social and emotional ordeal of her last year at Pineville High. Not only does the mysterious Marcus Flutie continue to distract her, but Hope still lives in another state, and she can't seem to escape the clutches of the Clueless Crew, her annoying so-called friends. To top it off, Jessica's parents won't get off her butt about choosing a college. Will Jess crack under the pressure of senioritis? CHARMED THIRDS: Jessica is in college . . . and smart girls have more fun!Jessica has finally left her hometown/hellhole for Columbia University; she's into Marcus more than ever (so what if he's at a Buddhist college in California), and she's making new friends. But Jess soon realizes that her bliss might not last. As she and Marcus hit the rocks, will she fall for her GOPunk, neoconservative RA . . . or for the hot grad student she's assisting on a summer project . . . or for the oh-so-sensitive emo boy down the hall? Will she even make it now that her parents have cut her off financially? And what do the cryptic one-word postcards from Marcus really mean? FOURTH COMINGS: Is the real world ready for Jessica Darling?At first it seems like she's living the New York City dream. She's subletting an apartment with her best friend, working for a magazine that actually cares about her psychology degree, and is still deeply in love with Marcus. But when Marcus proposes--giving her only one week to answer--Jessica must decide if she's ready to give up a world of late-night literary soirees, art openings, and downtown drunken karaoke to move back to New Jersey and be with the one man who's gripped her heart for years. PERFECT FIFTHS: Does Jessica and Marcus's journey end here? Or is it just the beginning? . . . Now a young professional in her mid-twenties, Jess is off to a Caribbean wedding. As she rushes to her gate at the airport, she literally runs into her former boyfriend, Marcus Flutie. It's the first time she's seen him since she reluctantly turned down his marriage proposal three years earlier--and emotions run high. They have both changed dramatically, yet their connection feels as familiar as ever. Is their reunion just a fluke, or has fate orchestrated this collision of their lives once again?
The Complete McAuslan: Stories From The Author Of The Beloved Flashman Series
by George Macdonald FraserGeorge MacDonald Fraser's hilarious stories of the most disastrous soldier in the British Army are collected together for the first time in one volume. Private McAuslan, J., the Dirtiest Soldier in the World (alias the Tartan Caliban, or the Highland Division's answer to the Pekin Man) first demonstrated his unfitness for service in The General Danced at Dawn. He continued his disorderly advance, losing, soiling or destroying his equipment, through the pages of McAuslan in the Rough. The final volume, The Sheikh and the Dustbin, pursues the career of the great incompetent as he shambles across North African and Scotland, swinging his right arm in time with his right leg and tripping over his untied laces. His admirers know him as court-martial defendant, ghost-catcher, star-crossed lover and golf caddie extraordinary. Whether map-reading his erratic way through the Sahara by night or confronting Arab rioters, McAuslan's talent for catastrophe is guaranteed. Now, the inimitable McAuslan stories are collected together in one glorious volume.
The Complete Nonsense of Edward Lear
by Edward LearHere is every line of every nonsense book written by Edward Lear. In a single volume you get "A Book of Nonsense," "Nonsense Songs," "More Nonsense Songs," "Laughable Lyrics," and "Nonsense Songs and Stories. No other low-price edition offers this complete collection.You will meet such old favorites as "The Dong With a Luminous Nose," "The Jumblies," "The Owl and the Pussycat," "The Nutcrackers and the Sugar Tongs," and "The History of the Seven Young Owls." Two hundred and fourteen limericks are in here as well, each illustrated with the drawing Lear composed specially for it. In addition, you'll find three different sets of Nonsense Botany, five Nonsense Alphabets, and dozens of other selections in both prose and verse.All 546 of Lear's original illustrations are in this volume. With masterful simplicity and apparent naiveté they tell of the dreamlike never-never land of childhood. Many Lear enthusiasts maintain that in these drawings the Laureate of Nonsense gave rise to an entire new style. Their influence has certainly been widespread, with echoes of Lear to be seen in the work of Thurber, Steinberg, Phil May, Bateman, and other artists and illustrators.It has been a hundred years since Edward Lear, the advocate of illogic, first became known to a wide public. Children who begged to have his verses read to them have grown up to read Lear to their own children — and to discover that his whimsy, imagination, and originality have their attraction for the adult mind as well.
The Complete Peanuts Family Album: The Ultimate Guide to Charles M. Schulz's Classic Characters
by Andrew Farago&“A one-volume encyclopedia of more than 70 &‘Peanuts&’ characters, ranging from the iconic to the obscure . . . [a] wonderful collection.&” —The Washington Post People around the world recognize Charlie Brown, Lucy, and Snoopy. And Peanuts enthusiasts know Peggy Jean, Roy, and Spike. But what about Shermy? Truffles? And who exactly is Floyd?The Complete Peanuts Family Album is the first detailed exploration of the entire Peanuts universe, from its most iconic personalities to its most obscure characters, as well as classic paraphernalia and events. With more than seven hundred charming and historic images, The Complete Peanuts Family Album will remind readers of all ages why happiness is a warm puppy. This character encyclopedia includes: All 70+ of Charles M. Schulz&’s beloved characters in strips across the decadesFirst-appearance strips for each characterFeatures on beloved Peanuts holidays, including Valentine&’s Day, Halloween, and ChristmasRare and never-before-seen artOfficial character sketches and model sheetsVintage memorabilia and collectibles&“A deep dive, covering all of the characters in Peanuts, anyone who had a name and a few who didn&’t.&” —The Aaugh Blog
The Complete Polly and the Wolf
by Jill Bennett Marjorie Ann Watts Catherine StorrWhen Catherine Storr's daughter was very small, she was afraid of the wolf under her bed, so every night her mother would tell her a story in which Polly outwitted the wolf. These bedtime stories eventually became the collection Clever Polly and the Stupid Wolf, a wonderfully thrilling and reassuring series of adventures in which the clever, independent, and unstoppable Polly fools the persistent, hungry young wolf time and again. In a match much like Bugs Bunny and the Road Runner but more polite and quick-witted, Polly and the wolf develop ever-more complicated ways of turning the tables on each other as they grow older and, in Polly's case at least, wiser. Three more collections of stories followed the original Clever Polly, all hilariously inventive variations on a much loved theme, and all of the stories are collected here for the first time.
The Complete Pratt: (Henry Pratt) (Henry Pratt #3)
by David NobbsTHE COMPLETE PRATT compiles the first three volumes of the misadventures of Henry Pratt, beginning with a brilliantly funny evocation of a Yorkshire boyhood in SECOND FROM LAST IN THE SACK RACE; Henry's first job is as a cub reporter on the Thurmarsh Evening Argus, told in PRATT OF THE ARGUS, hailed by Sue Townsend as 'very funny'. Finally, in THE CUCUMBER MAN, Henry decides to take on a new role and a new challenge - working for the Cucumber Marketing Board in Leeds. Stumbling through the fifties, sixties, seventies and eighties, Henry accumulates marriages and children along the way and THE COMPLETE PRATT is a touching and hilarious ride through a divided Britain...
The Complete Ramona Collection: Beezus and Ramona, Ramona the Pest, Ramona the Brave, Ramona and Her Father, Ramona and Her Mother, Ramona Quimby, Age 8, Ramona Forever, Ramona's World (Ramona Quimby #1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
by Beverly Cleary Jacqueline Rogers<P>The appeal of Beverly Cleary's stories about the wonderful, blunderful Ramona Quimby has never faded. Each new generation feels connected to Ramona's unique way of looking at the world as she tries to adjust to new teachers, feels jealous about Susan's curls, and is secretly pleased by Yard Ape's teasing. <P>The scrapes she gets herself into--like wearing pajamas to school or accidentally making egg yolk shampoo--are funny and heartwarming, and sometimes embarrassing. No matter what, Ramona's lively, curious spirit shines through. <P> Now, with lively art by Jacqueline Rogers, all eight of Beverly Cleary's Ramona titles are available as ebooks in one collection! <P><b>Fountas and Pinnell Level: O <br>Lexile: 691L - 770L <br>Reading Recovery: 34 <br>DRA: 34 <br>PM Readers: 24 Silver <br>Grade: 3 <br>Ages: 8 - 9 <br>Learning A to Z Level: S <br>Accelerated Reader (ATOS): 3.9 - 5.1</b>
The Complete Roderick
by John SladekTwo novels about the education of a young machine: “In a properly run universe Sladek’s Roderick would be considered a major American novel. Which it is.” —Michael Dirda, The Washington PostRoderick is a robot who learns. He begins life looking like a toy tank, thinking like a child, and knowing nothing about human ways. But as he will discover, growing up and becoming fully human is no easy task in a world where many people seem to have little trouble giving up their humanity. The Complete Roderick—consisting of the Philip K. Dick Award nominee Roderick and Roderick at Random—is widely considered to be the most ambitious and genius work of a novelist described by The Encyclopedia of Science Fiction as “the most formally inventive, the funniest, and very nearly the most melancholy of modern US science fiction writers.”“A major comic talent . . . hilarious and serious.” —Sunday Times“Superb . . . comparable with early Kurt Vonnegut.” —Time Out “To the small band of science-fiction humorists who can actually make you laugh—my own list features, in alphabetical order, Douglas Adams and Robert Sheckley—please add the name of John Sladek.” —The New York Times Book Review
The Complete Sabrina the Teenage Witch: 1962-1971 (Sabrina's Spellbook #1)
by Archie SuperstarsIt's back to the beginning with Sabrina in this first of a new series compiling the entire history of everyone's favorite Teenage Witch! This black and white graphic novel chronologically collects all the stories starring Sabrina the Teenage Witch from 1962 to 1965.
The Complete Smoke Trilogy
by Tanya HuffNow in an omnibus edition, the Lambda Award-nominated supernatural Smoke series presents contemporary fantasy with a gothic twist.When Tony Foster relocated to Vancouver with his vampire Henry Fitzroy, he knew it was his chance to get his act together. In an example of art echoing life, Tony landed a job as production assistant for the syndicated TV show, Darkest Night, a series about a vampire detective. And except for his unrequited crush on the show's handsome co-star, Lee Nicholas, Tony was pretty content.Until everything started to fall apart on the set.It began with shadows--shadows where they didn't belong, that almost had an existence of their own. Tony tried to ignore it--until he found Nikki Waugh's body, and felt the shadow's touch, and a stunt crash went wrong for no discernible reason--and Tony knew that he had to find out what was threatening everyone on the set.
The Complete Stories
by Evelyn WaughEvelyn Waugh's short fiction reveals in miniaturized perfection the elements that made him the greatest satirist of the twentieth century. The stories collected here range from delightfully barbed portraits of the British upper classes to an alternative ending to Waugh's novel A Handful of Dust; from a "missing chapter" in the life of Charles Ryder, the nostalgic hero of Brideshead Revisited, to a plot-packed morality tale that Waugh composed at a very tender age; from an epistolary lark in the voice of "a young lady of leisure" to a darkly comic tale of scandal in a remote (and imaginary) African outpost.The Complete Stories is a dazzling distillation of Waugh's genius-abundant evidence that one of the twentieth century's most admired and enjoyed English novelists was also a master of the short form.
The Complete Trailer Park Boys: How to Enjoy the Trailer Park Boys When the Cable is Out
by Don Wininger Matthew SibigaThe first of its kind - a heavily illustrated, all-you-need-to-know book about the cult hit TV show, for both rabid fans and anyone who enjoys a hot toasted chicken finger.To the storied and pastoral locales of great Canadian fiction - Leacock's Mariposa, Lawrence's Manawaka, Montgomery's Avonlea - readers can now add the many splendours of Sunnyvale Trailer Park. With this lovingly designed volume, to grace even the finest toilet-side magazine basket, Ricky, Bubbles, Julian and the whole TPB crew stumble, bewildered and slightly aggravated, from the screen to the page - without spilling a drop of rum and Coke.Working in concert with the show's creators Matthew Sibiga and Don Wininger have developed a wide range of interpretive devices, helpful lists, historical mementoes, legal advice, wrestling, kitty-care and grooming tips, and more, to aid in any fan's appreciation of the show - or substitute for it when the cable is out. Added to these features is a two-page synopsis of every episode, including stats, air dates and best lines. Numerous photos and sidebars scattered throughout include quotes, philosophical gleanings and tidbits from the series. Just in time for the next season of one of the most popular television shows ever created in Canada, The Complete Trailer Park Boys truly will be a resource no fan can do without.Some sample chapter topics:Ricky:-A list of Rickyisms -Map of areas in the park where he has passed out-A detailed pictorial of his car/homeBubbles:-Bubbles's shopping cart chop shop-behind the scenes-Go-cart performance specs-Bubbles eye chartJulian:-Julian's fashion tips (how to match black with black)-Best money-making schemes-T-shirt wearing and the art of seduction-Julian's bartending mix bookOther characters:-J-Roc rap lyrics-Ray's tips on beating the government on disability-Corey and Trevor's gas siphoning tips
The Complete Uxbridge English Dictionary: I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue
by Graeme Garden and Jon Naismith
The Complete Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Dating & Sex (Worst-case Scenario Ser.)
by Joshua Piven David Borgenicht Ben H. WintersBlind dates, bad kissers, breakup texts, nightmare hook ups--it's a jungle out there! Luckily, the authors of the bestselling Worst-Case Scenario series have created the most comprehensive handbook for surviving the wilds d'amour through every phase of a relationship, from courting and getting hitched to breaking up and moving on. Collecting hundreds of the best of the worst dating and sex scenarios from across the 27-book series--and featuring dozens of new entries--this bedside bible of illustrated, expert advice on romantic and not-so-romantic disasters will keep readers amused and safe in equal measure. Also including an appendix of pickup lines to avoid (or use), handy excuses, guide to body language, an "It's Not You, It's Me" letter template, and more.
The Complete and Utter History of the World: According to Samuel Stewart Aged 9
by Sarah BurtonWhen his teacher sets the class a History project, Sam cannot choose which bit of History he prefers, so decides to do ALL OF IT. A very funny, ironic child"s-eye view on the history of the world, complete with his own illustrations
The Computer Teacher From The Black Lagoon
by Mike Thaler Jared LeeA boy contemplates all the horrible stories he has heard about the computer teacher, Miss Pluggins, and the ordeals she forces her students to endure.