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The Funniest Baseball Book Ever: The National Pastime's Greatest Quips, Quotations, Characters, Nicknames, and Pranks
by Peter HandrinosA treasury of witty quotes and wild stories covering decades of baseball history.Baseball is a funny game. No other sport can compare to the national pastime’s vast catalog of silly quotations, unforgettable characters, memorable nicknames, and inventive pranks.Alphabetized by topic, The Funniest Baseball Book Ever captures the game in all its humorous glory. It’s simply the most complete, contemporary resource for over a century of the sport’s history. Also included are short profiles of such colorful characters as Casey Stengel, Bill Veeck, Jim Bouton, and Bill Lee. With over ninty percent of its material never before collected in a single volume, The Funniest Baseball Book Ever will entertain and surprise everyone from casual fans to diehards, from newcomers to veterans.
The Funniest Joke Book Ever!: Over 500 Jokes to Crack Up Your Friends!
by Bathroom Readers' InstituteGiggles, groans, and belly laughs, packed on every page.Kids can’t resist sharing jokes (even you try to stop them), so they always need a fresh supply. We’ve stuffed the pages of this little joke book with the funniest jokes we could find. Old favorites, new favorites, and a few festering stinkers—all guaranteed to make kids laugh out loud. You'll find Q&A jokes, knock-knock jokes, riddles, and one-liners. And, of course, we’ve included entire chapters of those all-time kid-pleasers: elephant jokes, pirate jokes, and space jokes. Here’s a sampling: What's black and white, black and white, black and white? A penguin rolling down a hill. Why don’t zombies eat clowns?They taste funny. Why did the hen scold her chicks?They were using fowl language. What kind of books do skunks read?Best-smellers! How does Darth Vader like his toast?On the dark side.
The Funniest Kids' Joke Book Ever
by Alan KatzTry not to laugh! Jokes for kids so funny they'll have you on the ground in no time!I crossed a fish with an elephant.What did you get?Swim trunks!Who’s a golfer’s favorite wizard?Harry Putter!Careful, the jokes in this book are so funny you might just laugh your socks off! From knock knocks to puns a plenty, The Funniest Joke Book Ever For Kids is positively overflowing with funny! It even has activities and fill-in-the-blanks for making your very own jokes. Can you read the whole thing without laughing? Bet you can't! It's all brought to you by author and funny man Alan Katz.
The Funniest Knock Knock Jokes Ever!
by Editors of Portable PressGiggles, groans, and belly laughs, packed on every page.Kids can't resist sharing jokes (even when you try to stop them), so they always need a fresh supply. We've stuffed the pages of this little book with the funniest knock-knock jokes we could find. Old favorites, new favorites, and a few festering stinkers—all guaranteed to make kids laugh out loud.Here's a sampling:Knock, knock. Who's there? Cowsgo. Cowsgo who? No, they don't. Cowsgo MOO!Knock, knock. Who's there? Nobel. Nobel who? No bell, that's why I knocked!Knock, knock. Who's there? Interrupting pirate! Interrup— ARRRRRRRRRR!
The Funniest Man in Baseball: The True Story of Max Patkin
by Audrey Vernick Jennifer BowerA hilarious picture book biography about Max Patkin, a professional ballplayer turned legendary baseball clown, from the author of the acclaimed Brothers at Bat and other baseball nonfiction. Max Patkin was pitching in the minor leagues when he was injured and had to leave his dreams behind. He joined the Navy and eventually was able to play again while in the military . . . and this time he got to pitch against superstar Joe DiMaggio. When Joe hit one of Max’s throws out of the park, Max threw down his glove, left the mound, and chased Joe around the bases, making faces and imitating his every move. The crowd loved it! And a baseball clown was born. This inspiring and comical biography carries an important message: Life doesn’t always turn out exactly as you hope . . . but moving in a new direction can sometimes bring happy surprises.
The Funny Book (Bobo and Pup-Pup #3)
by Vikram MadanA hilarious graphic chapter book series about best friends Bobo and Pup-Pup--a monkey and a dog with very different personalities. Perfect for fans of Elephant & Piggie who are ready to graduate to two new buddies!A super funny book has Pup-Pup literally laughing out loud!! Bobo wants to read it so he can laugh too, but he must wait till Pup-Pup is finished. But the more Pup-Pup laughs, the harder it is to wait! All kids know that waiting is not easy!! What happens when Bobo's patience runs out and he takes matters into his own hands? This hilarious and relatable graphic chapter book will have kids ages 5-8 laughing out loud themselves while gaining confidence in reading. Readers will eagerly devour the companion books in the series, We Love Bubbles! and Let's Make Cake! Graphic chapter books serve as a great bridge to graphic novels and longer chapter books.
The Funny Boy Adventures: Four Hilarious Books in One Volume (Funny Boy)
by Dan GutmanA special four-in-one edition of Dan Gutman&’s hilarious and delightful Funny Boy seriesIn Funny Boy Meets the Airsick Alien from Andromeda, Funny Boy—a smart-aleck from the planet Crouton with the galaxy&’s best sense of humor—shoots his brother with a spitball, and his parents strap him into a spaceship and blast him to Earth. Things get strange right away. A planet-gobbling alien is about to attack his new home, and Funny Boy doesn&’t have any weapons besides a talking dog and a razor-sharp wit.In Funny Boy Versus the Bubble-Brained Barbers from the Big Bang, Funny Boy, just like Superman, has mastered the powers he gained when he landed on Earth. He&’s not super strong or super fast, but his super sense of humor lets him crack jokes faster than a speeding bullet. Now he must face the least hilarious thing in the universe: the first day of school. As he tries to fit in among his human peers, Funny Boy learns that three intergalactic barbers have come to steal every strand of hair on Earth. He&’ll have to dust off his freshest material to stop them, because everybody knows there&’s nothing funny about a bad haircut.In Funny Boy Takes on the Chit-Chatting Cheeses from Chattanooga, the nation&’s cattle have gotten too smart for their own good. Tired of letting humans steal their milk, American cows have gone on strike. This is trouble for anybody who likes cheese. Funny Boy is mourning the cheese shortage when five giant cheeses fall on Wisconsin, and then begin to talk. The cheeses are aliens from the faraway planet Chattanooga, and they have come to stop the shortage. The country&’s woe is ended, but something about the aliens&’ story stinks worse than month-old Muenster. It will take Funny Boy and his galactic sense of humor to curdle these curds before America starts to spoil.And in Funny Boy Meets the Dumbbell Dentist from Deimos (with Dangerous Dental Decay), Funny Boy&’s super-powered sense of humor has won him the love of his life: Tupper Camembert. But this riddle-flinging superhero&’s work is far from over. When the president of the United States is summoned for a cleaning with Dr. Denny the dentist, he knows something is wrong—he doesn&’t even have an appointment! This is a job for Funny Boy, who must once again use every joke in his arsenal to destroy the evil dentist villain and his hygienist henchmen.
The Funny Bunny Fly
by Bethany StrakerSomething doesn't smell right at Mr. Abel Throppe's bakery. Eighteen customers are sick, and they're blaming it on his pie! What could have caused this awful epidemic? It seems a funny bunny fly has taken up residence in the bakery. You see, Funny Bunny Fly doesn't like to be clean. Prior to entering the bakery, he rolled in some dog doo-doo and is spreading germs all over town! Mr. Throppe better keep his bakery clean, or he's going to lose his customers and gain a permanent new tenant.The Funny Bunny Fly is a cautionary tale about hygiene that's playful and fun. Bethany Straker's silly rhymes are complemented by her colorful and wacky illustrations. The Funny Bunny Fly is sure to keep the laughter bubbling-and, hopefully, the soap too!
The Funny Business
by Kevin J. AndersonSometimes you just want to be silly. #1 Bestselling author Kevin J. Anderson is known for his grand science fiction sagas, his epic fantasies, his fast-paced adventures, or his steampunk Clockwork chronicles. But Kevin J. Anderson also has a lighter side. You’ll laugh so hard, brains will come out your nose. What happens when— A wimpy, henpecked man finds an enchanted loincloth that turns him into a real jungle Ape Man? A stranded alien uses his advanced technology to fool audiences as a stage magician? A frustrated monster-movie actor uses a gypsy witch’s special makeup to turn into a real werewolf when the cameras start to roll? A group of heavy-metal fans finds a spell on the internet to raise their favorite dead rock star from the grave for a final encore? A vampire, just minding his own business, wakes from his coffin to find he’s being stalked through his own castle by an over-enthusiastic vampire hunter? A futuristic law firm uses time travel as a legal loophole to win their client’s case? Dan Shamble, Zombie P.I. takes on the Boogeyman for a client, or is hired out to save a sacrificial Aztec Christmas turkey? These twenty stories cover a range of slapstick, subtle, short-short, and groaner humor. The Funny Business also includes for the very first time the scripts of the hilarious comic miniseries Grumpy Old Monsters, never before published. Beware—silliness ahead. Open the book, and prepare to snicker!
The Funny Christmas Stocking Filler Book
by Jonathan SwanSay stuffing balls to Christmas and survive the festive season with The Funny Christmas Stocking Filler BookGuaranteed to entertain and amuse, this book contains everything you need to get you from the turkey to the Queen’s speech! It’s the perfect distraction from rubbish Christmas telly and tipsy relatives, and could even help you dodge the washing up. The Funny Christmas Stocking Filler Book is packed full of hilarious games, dubious jokes and fun Christmas facts. Involve your sleeping relatives in a game of human buckaroo, play sprout golf or the Christmas movie charade game, or entertain the family with amazing Christmas trivia. For best results, consume with alcohol!
The Funny Man: A Novel (A\novel Ser.)
by John WarnerThe funny man is a middling comic in an unnamed city. By day he takes care of his infant son, by night he performs in small clubs, sandwiched between other aspiring comics. His wife waits tables to support the family. It doesn't sound like much, but they're happy, more or less. Until the day he comes up with it. His thing. His gimmick. And everything changes. He's a headliner, and the venues get bigger fast. Pretty soon it's Hollywood and a starring role in a blockbuster, all thanks to the gimmick. Which is: He performs with his fist in his mouth to the wrist. Jokes, impressions, commercials--all with his fist in his mouth to the wrist. The people want him--are crazy for him--but only with his fist in his mouth. And the funny man, he is tired of having his fist in his mouth. Thus, as the novel begins, his career's in tatters, his family's left him, and he's on trial for shooting an unarmed man six times. But for the second time in his life, against all odds, he's found love. This time with another celebrity, who may or may not be sending him coded messages, and may or may not be equally in love--or even know he exists. A coruscating satire of our culture of celebrity, this debut novel documents one individual's slide from everyman to monster, even as it reveals the potential for grace--and mercy--in his life.
The Funny Side of Faith: A Lighthearted Look at Life in the Church
by Murray WattsOops! There's pie on our face More fun than a potluck supper, these delightful anecdotes, tongue-in-cheek wisecracks, and verbal miscues will leave you laughing in the aisles. Need a quip to lift your spirits? A one-liner for your next sermon? THE FUNNY SIDE OF FAITH serves up the inside scoop on God's family with delectible wit and humor. A delight to all who enjoy the gift of laughter. Best of all, the jokes are on us!
The Funny Thing About Norman Foreman: A Novel
by Julietta Henderson"Charming, warm and uplifting...there is so much to love about this book."—Laurie Frankel, New York Times bestselling author of This is How It Always IsA triumphant and touching debut about the unlikeliest superstar you&’ll ever meet.Twelve-year-old Norman Foreman and his best friend, Jax, are a legendary comedic duo in waiting, with a plan to take their act all the way to the Edinburgh Fringe. But when Jax dies, Norman decides the only fitting tribute is to perform at the festival himself. The problem is, Norman&’s not the funny one. Jax was.There&’s also another, far more colossal objective on Norman&’s new plan that his single mom, Sadie, wasn&’t ready for: he wants to find the father he&’s never known. Determined to put a smile back on her boy&’s face, Sadie resolves to face up to her own messy past, get Norman to the Fringe and help track down a man whose identity is a mystery, even to her.Julietta Henderson&’s delightfully funny and tender debut takes us on a road trip with a mother and son who will live in the reader&’s heart for a long time to come, and teaches us that—no matter the odds—we must always reach for the stars.
The Funny Thing Is...
by Ellen DeGeneresAn indispensable reference for anyone who knows how to read—or wants to fool people into thinking they do—The Funny Thing Is... is sure to make you laugh.Ellen DeGeneres published her first book of comic essays, the #1 bestselling My Point...And I Do Have One, way back in 1996. Not one to rest on her laurels, the witty star of stage and screen has since dedicated her life to writing a hilarious new book. That book is this book. After years of painstaking, round-the-clock research, surviving on a mere twenty minutes of sleep a night, and collaborating with lexicographers, plumbers, and mathematicians, DeGeneres has crafted a work that is both easy to use and very funny. Along with her trademark ramblings, The Funny Thing Is... contains hundreds of succinct insights into her psyche and offers innovative features including: -More than 50,000 simple, short words arranged in sentences that form paragraphs. -Thousands of observations on everyday life—from terrible fashion trends to how to handle seating arrangements for a Sunday brunch with Paula Abdul, Diane Sawyer, and Eminem. -All twenty-six letters of the alphabet.
The Furball Files
by Jan AdkinsMax has a new pet rat, Furball! When Furball begins to act a little strangely, Max reaches out to Dr. Pett, a veterinarian. As they exchange emails, Max shares odd symptoms that seem unbelievable!
The Furry and the Furious
by Tracey West Style GuideEnjoy two stories of two kung fu foes--one furry, one furious--in this illustrated chapter book based on popular episodes of Kung Fu Panda: Legends of Awesomeness.This chapter book contains two stories with black-and-white illustrations throughout, one starring Shifu and the other starring Viper, and both based on episodes of the popular and Emmy Award-winning television show Kung Fu Panda: Legends of Awesomeness.In the first story, a lizard named Master Chao appears to be trying to oust the elderly Master Shifu. Then Shifu's enemy, a furry emperor tamarin named Pai Mei, arrives and threatens to destroy him. Will Shifu prove that with age comes wisdom, and can he outsmart Pai Mei once and for all?In the second story, a furious cobra named Fu-xi attacks the Valley of Peace, causing the villagers to express their hatred for snakes. Viper is stuck in the middle. Will she help his fellow snake, Fu-xi? Or will she stay loyal to his friends?Kung Fu Panda Legends of Awesomeness © 2014 Viacom International Inc. NICKELODEON and all related logos are trademarks of Viacom International Inc. Based on the feature film "Kung Fu Panda" © 2008 DreamWorks Animation L.L.C. All Rights Reserved.
The Further Adventures of Hank the Cowdog (Hank the Cowdog Series, #2)
by John R. EricksonHank the Cowdog is striken with a terrible case of "Eye-Crosserosis" and only the mysterious Madame Moonshine can help him.
The Further Adventures of Miss Petitfour (The Adventures of Miss Petitfour)
by Anne MichaelsFor fans of Mary Poppins, heroine Miss Petitfour and her feline friends return for more flights of fancy in this cozy, charming collection of illustrated stories. Miss Petitfour enjoys having adventures that are "just the right size" for a "single, magical day." With her sixteen cats and the aid of a tablecloth as a makeshift balloon, Miss Petitfour soars — which is to say, she rises high in the air and flies — over her charmingly eccentric village, encountering adventures along the way. One never knows where the wind will take her in this delightfully seasonal collection of magical outings: perhaps to the aid of dearly loved friends and neighbors, including a hapless handyman and an onion-loving baby, or to a coconut-confetti parade, or in search of keys, lucky charms or even simply the perfect tablecloth for her next flight. A witty, whimsical, beautifully illustrated collection of tales that celebrate language, storytelling and all the pleasures of life, large and small!
The Further Adventures of an Idiot Abroad
by Karl PilkingtonA new book on the travails of travel by “the funniest man on the planet” (Spectator).Why on earth would anybody want to run with the bulls in Pamplona? Go “storm chasing” through Tornado Alley? Jump out of a plane? Have lunch with the queen or touch hands with the pope? The Further Adventures of An Idiot Abroad is a fresh take on the bucket-list mentality from television star Karl Pilkington, renowned for his comedic collaborations with Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant.While he’s done some dumb things like putting sausages in a toaster, Karl has never been one for danger. But Ricky and Stephen managed to convince him to take on at least a few challenges, and in this hilarious and strangely inspiring book, Karl recounts brilliant stories of his adventures in Alaska, in Siberia, on a South Sea island, inside a gigantic rubber ball trying not to throw up, and more; states his opinions about what other people aspire to do with their lives; and shares his hard-won certainty that coming back home is the best thing about going away in the first place.
The Futility Experts
by Margaret BroucekFeeling trapped in a stagnant marriage, working a dead-end job, and desperately coveting the last good parking spot, Tim Turner decides to do what any middle-aged man not in his right mind would do; reinvent himself as a 21 year-old Marine sniper named Rusty. What could possibly go wrong? At the same time, Davis Beardsley—a professor of zoology with an unhealthy obsession for imaginary creatures—helplessly watches his chances for tenure circle the drain when a new department head takes a less-than-favorable view of his teaching methods. Throw in a decrepit Sasquatch, a Romanian adoptee hell-bent on destruction, and a trio of incontinent lapdogs, and you have the makings of a laugh-out-loud hit. Delivered with deadpan wit and keen insight, The Futility Experts is sure to appeal to fans of Jami Attenberg, Emma Straub, and Joshua Ferris.
The Future Future: A Novel
by Adam ThirlwellShort-listed for the Goldsmiths PrizeFinalist for the Orwell Prize for Political FictionA wild story of female friendship, language, and power, from France to colonial America to the moon, from 1775 to this very moment: a historical novel like no other.It’s the eighteenth century, and Celine is in trouble. Her husband is mostly absent. Her parents are elsewhere. And meanwhile men are inventing stories about her—about her affairs, her sexuality, her orgies and addictions. All these stories are lies, but the public loves them and spreads them like a virus. Celine can only watch as her name becomes a symbol for everything rotten in society. This is a world of decadence and saturation, of lavish parties and private salons, of tulle and satin and sex and violence. It’s also one ruled by men—high on colonial genocide, natural destruction, crimes against women, and, above all, language. To survive, Celine and her friends must band together in search of justice, truth, and beauty. Fantastical, funny, and blindingly bright, Adam Thirlwell’s The Future Future follows one woman on an urgently contemporary quest to clear her name and change the world.
The Future and Why We Should Avoid It
by Scott FeschukThe future holds many unknowns: advances in medical technology, increased airport security and critical new inventions like sentient, polygraph-enabled, wireless toasters. Luckily, Maclean's columnist Scott Feschuk has written a survival guide-part how-to manual, part product guide, part apocalypse analysis and part sardonic observation-to help us navigate these troubled times. Or at least make us laugh while we try. The Future and Why We Should Avoid It envisions the daunting, depressing era we have to look forward to with the best of Feschuk's musings on aging, death, technology, inventions, health and leisure. Combining quizzes, voiceovers and speeches, and employing snark, innuendo, toilet humor and shameless mockery-because how else do you cope with the fact that one day you will die?-Feschuk contemplates the fate of humanity and the planet in the upcoming years, poking fun, provoking thought and dredging up silver linings in even the darkest forecasts.
The Future of Tennis: A Photographic Celebration of the Men's Tour
by Philip Slayton Peter FiguraAt the heart of the men’s tennis game for some years have been the Big Four: Novak Djokovic, Roger Federer, Andy Murray, and Rafael Nadal. Since 2006, only three other players have won a Grand Slam Tournament, and no one else has been ranked world No. 1. But since 2013, the dominance of the Big Four has come under sustained and increasing pressure. New players are challenging Djokovic, Federer, Murray, and Nadal. The rivalry between the old guard and (mostly) young contenders makes this the golden age of tennis. Nick Kyrgios beat Nadal in the fourth round of 2014 Wimbledon. In 2017, David Goffin beat Djokovic in Monte Carlo; Dominic Thiem beat Murray in Barcelona; Sascha Zverev beat Federer in Montreal; and Denis Shapovalov beat Nadal, also in Montreal. In The Future of Tennis Philip Slayton and Peter Figura examine a selection of the players outside of the Big Four and introduce the reader to the great depth of field in the men’s game and the personalities that enliven the sport. Complete with stunning photography by Figura, this book will answer questions about who some of the other players on the tour are, what drives them, their foibles and eccentricities, and more. The perfect gift for tennis aficionados!
The Futurological Congress: From the Memoirs of Ijon Tichy (Forsyte chronicles)
by Stanislaw LemThe Franz Kafka Prize-winning author invites you to a doped-up dystopia. &“Nobody can really know the future. But few could imagine it better than Lem.&” —The Paris Review Bringing his twin gifts of scientific speculation and scathing satire to bear on that hapless planet, Earth, Polish author Stanislaw Lem sends his unlucky cosmonaut, Ijon Tichy, to the Eighth Futurological Congress in Costa Rica to discuss the overpopulation problem. Caught up in local revolution, Tichy is shot and so critically wounded that he is flashfrozen to await a cure. But when he awakens in 2039, he is faced with a future unlike any that the Congress could have ever imagined. Translated by Michael Kandel. &“A vision of Earth&’s future where the authorities dose the population with &‘psychemicals&’ to make life in a desperately over-populated world worth living.&” —The Boston Globe &“Lem&’s view of the overcrowded future is original and disturbing. A pessimistic, mordantly funny book.&” —Kirkus Reviews &“Lem writes with a humor underlined by his commentary on the way the world is.&” —SF Site
The Fuzzy Bunch: A Get Fuzzy Collection (Get Fuzzy #20)
by Darby ConleyHouse cats are known to be aloof, but &“cat-titude&” reaches new heights in Get Fuzzy, the bitingly hilarious comic strip from cartoonist Darby Conley. Get Fuzzy is a wry portrait of single life, with pets. At the center of this warm and fuzzy romp is Rob Wilco, a single, mild-mannered ad executive and guardian of anthropomorphic scamps Bucky and Satchel. Bucky is a temperamental cat who clearly wears the pants in this eccentric household. Satchel is a gentle pooch who tries to remain neutral, but frequently ends up on the receiving end of Bucky's mischief. Together, this unlikely trio endures all the trials and tribulations of a typical family...more or less.The National Cartoonists Society honored Get Fuzzy with a Reuben division award, naming it the Best Newspaper Comic Strip of 2002.