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The Grass is Always Greener Over the Septic Tank
by Erma BombeckIn The Grass is Always Greener over the Septic Tank, she has written the expose of all exposes -the truth about the suburbs: where they planted trees and crabgrass came up, they planted schools and taxes came up, where they died of old age trying to merge onto the freeway, and where they finally got sex out of the schools and back into the gutter. This is their story-lonely wives having lunch with their wigs, picking fights with the pet hamster, husbands fighting for custody of the lawn and against the dread disease, car-pool crouch. Here you will meet guys and dolls like Barbie and Ken, as well as Wanda the school-bus driver, Ralph the Little League coach who played to lose, and the Ten Most Unwanted Women in the Shopping Center Parking Lot. You will read the confessions of an Officer in the Girl Scout Cookie Corps and learn what it's like to be a dieter in search of a lettuce that tastes like lasagne. In these pages it is revealed that the Suburban Orgy is a Myth, that no one will buy your child at a garage sale, that the washer repairman never comes, that desperate is sending your kids to school wearing broiler-foil, and that a septic tank does not last forever.
The Grasshopper Trap
by Patrick F. McManus“Funniest guy in the Outdoor Life and Field and Stream gang, McManus here offers another bag of whimsey in the Great Outdoors” —Kirkus ReviewsIn this collection of thirty zany stories, spoofing camping, fishing, and other outdoor recreational activities, McManus shares his hilarious wilderness misadventures. From facing an angry bear with an unloaded gun and the folly of running a boat while it’s still on the trailer to not questioning the ingredients found in camp cookout cuisine and the best methods of catching grasshoppers, no one knows how to express Mother Nature’s sense of humor like Patrick F. McManus.Praise for Patrick F. McManus“Patrick McManus is a treasure.” —The Atlantic“Everybody should read Patrick McManus.” —The New York Times Book Review“A style that brings to mind Mark Twain, Art Buchwald, and Garrison Keillor.” —People“Describing Patrick F. McManus as an outdoor humorist is like saying Mark Twain wrote books about small boys . . . the funniest writer around today—indoors or outdoors.” —The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
The Graves Family Goes Camping
by Patricia PolaccoWhen the Graves family goes on their annual camping trip to Lake Bleakmire, they make a frightening discovery in the forest.
The Great Abraham Lincoln Pocket Watch Conspiracy: A Novel
by Jacopo della Quercia“Science fiction, action . . . comedy, and suspense combine in this delightful steampunk romp” as an adventuresome President Taft solves a global conspiracy (Booklist).In this dizzyingly inventive steampunk world, President William Howard Taft is a secret underground boxing champion who routinely evades his official duties by spiriting away on the dirigible Airship One. But now Taft and his good friend Robert Todd Lincoln must race to solve a mystery stretching back to the Civil War and the Lincoln assassination. Soon they are swept into a vast conspiracy spanning four continents and three oceans.In the course of remarkable events, fascinating technologies will be harnessed, dark secrets revealed, true villains exposed, and some of the most famous figures in history will take the stage. With surprises lurking around every corner, and a vast cast of characters to root for, Jacopo della Quercia’s The Great Abraham Lincoln Pocket Watch Conspiracy is a heart-pounding adventure that only a historian of ingenious imagination could have written.
The Great American Novel (Vintage International)
by Philip RothGil Gamesh, the only pitcher who ever literally tried to kill the umpire. The ex-con first baseman, John Baal, "The Babe Ruth of the Big House," who never hit a home run sober. If you've never heard of them—or of the Ruppert Mundys, the only homeless big-league ball team in American history—it's because of the Communist plot, and the capitalist scandal, that expunged the entire Patriot League from baseball memory.In this ribald, richly imagined, and wickedly satiric novel, Roth turns baseball's status as national pastime and myth into an occasion for unfettered picaresque farce, replete with heroism and perfidy, ebullient wordplay and a cast of characters that includes the House Un-American Activities Committee.
The Great American Novel: Kora In Hell / Spring And All / The Descent Of Winter / The Great American Novel / A Novelette And Other Prose (Mint Editions--literary Criticism And Writing Technique Ser.)
by William Carlos WilliamsThis 1923 novel by the Pulitzer Prize–winning poet and author of Paterson satirizes American colonization, creative ambition, and the novel form itself. One of the greatest American writers of the twentieth century, William Carlos Williams was an avid experimentalist in prose as well as poetry. Concerned about the state of the American novel, a form he felt was stunted by traditional tropes and genres, he set out to both parody and reject the prevailing clichés of fiction. The result of this audacious project was The Great American Novel, which tells the story of a Ford car in love with a Mack truck. A hilarious satire of Americanism and a brilliant example of literary invention, Williams&’s short novel set a precedent for American postmodern literature and metafiction.
The Great Big Poop Party
by Samantha BergerThe Great Big Poop Party is writer Samantha Berger and illustrator Manny Galán's hilarious picture book about a little boy who wants a special theme for his birthday party—and the poop-centric silliness that ensues.Julian's birthday is fast approaching. For his party, his parents promise he can have any theme he wants. Maybe superheroes or skateboards? Dinosaurs or dogs? But Julian has another idea.He wants a poop party.With his family's help, Julian throws the biggest, brownest, most creative poop party ever!
The Great Book of Mobile Talk: You Like Mashed Potato, Don’t you?
by Andrew BarrowOverheard mobile pronouncements are a modern phenomenon. In the street, in the park, in supermarkets, buses, waiting rooms and even, heaven help us, in libraries, it’s quite impossible to get away from these tasty or repellent fragments of other people’s private lives. Wherever you lurk, their outbursts of despair or irritation ring out: mega-tantrums, in-jokes, celebrity spottings, instant post-mortems, office politics, whoops of joy and anger, weather reports, devilishly dull domestic details, parental problems, health issues, holiday plans, money matters, dinner menus, ultimatums, gossip, sporting news, amorous overtures, business deals – and any number of time-wasting pleasantries.From the stunningly mundane to the shockingly direct, the sublime to the ridiculous, here is a brilliantly curated collection of overheard mobile conversational gems.
The Great Brain
by John D. FitzgeraldTom is going away from home for the first time to the academy in Salt Lake city. But Tom has a "great brain" and this book details his adventures as he schemes and cons his way through school.
The Great Brain
by John D. FitzgeraldThis first book in the series is a great combination of The Adventures of Tom Sawyer and The Terrible Two series, and is perfect for fans of Roald Dahl.The best con man in the Midwest is only ten years old. Tom, a.k.a., the Great Brain, is a silver-tongued genius with a knack for turning a profit. When the Jenkins boys get lost in Skeleton Cave, the Great Brain saves the day. Whether it's saving the kids at school, or helping out Peg-leg Andy, or Basil, the new kid at school, the Great Brain always manages to come out on top-and line his pockets in the process.From the Trade Paperback edition.
The Great Brain Is Back
by John D. FitzgeraldThis classic trickster is back again, and he's up to no good in his eighth and final book of the series. Great mix of The Adventures of Tom Sawyer and The Terrible Two series, and is perfect for fans of Roald Dahl.Tom D. Fitzgerald--better known as The Great Brain--has turned thirteen, and pretty Polly Reagan has put a spell on him. But when it comes to swindling his younger brother J. D., and all the other kids in Adenville, Tom hasn't changed a bit. The Great Brain is back one more time, and he's at the top of his form with his money-making schemes and getting into big trouble. As always, life is more exciting when this brain's around!
The Great British Bump-Off
by John AllisonAn Agatha Christie-style murder mystery set in the world of English competitive baking from Giant Days&’ John Allison and Max Sarin.When she enters her country&’s most beloved baking competition, Shauna Wickle&’s goal is to delight the judges, charm the nation, and make a few friends along the way. But when a fellow contestant is poisoned, it falls to her to apprehend the culprit while avoiding premature elimination from the UK Bakery Tent…and being the poisoner&’s next victim!Collects issues #1–#4 of Dark Horse Comics series The Great British Bump-Off.
The Great Bunny Escape (Daisy Dreamer #9)
by Genevieve Santos Holly AnnaWhen a friend’s pet bunny escapes into the World of Make-Believe, Daisy and Posey have to track him down in this ninth Daisy Dreamer chapter book!Have you ever heard the phrase “quick like a bunny?” People say it all the time about me. It means that I am fast. But I just met something that’s even faster than me. And guess what? It’s a cute and fluffy bunny! I am bunny-sitting for my friend, Lily. Bunny-sitting means I am caring for her bunny—not sitting on it. Obviously. Watching a bunny is easy, unless you have an imaginary friend named Posey who draws doors to the World of Make-Believe and leaves them open. Because Lily’s pet is quick like a bunny, and it loves to run through open doors. With easy-to-read language and illustrations on almost every page, the Daisy Dreamer chapter books are perfect for emerging readers.
The Great Canadian Cottage Book
by Collins CanadaThe Great Canadian Cottage Book is the guide every cottage-goer needs for a weekend or a week, rain or shineFilled with ideas of what to do, drink and eat, along with great did-you-know facts and loads of stories to tell by the campfire, readers will find themselves turning to The Great Canadian Cottage Book again and again. Did you know there’s one constellation that connects human cultures from around the world and tells the story of human history? Or that caribou and reindeer are actually the same animal, but elk are different here than across the pond? Have you ever tried your hand at homemade sangria or even a pitcher of margaritas? What about making your own BBQ sauce or cooking pizza on the BBQ?The Great Canadian Cottage Book has spooky ghost stories, awesome adventure stories and incredible nature stories. Feature sections include drinks that can be made by the pitcher; beer cocktails; the best food to cook over the fire or on the BBQ; indoor and outdoor games; and lots of fun facts and trivia. And after your cottage stay, don’t forget to leave your mark in the guestbook.
The Great Cat Conspiracy
by Katie Davies Hannah ShawA cat goes conspicuously missing in this hilarious pet mystery from the team that brought you The Great Hamster Massacre and The Great Rabbit Rescue.This is a story about Tom, and the Cat Lady, and all the things that happened after the New Cat got kidnapped.... The New Cat keeps bringing dead things into the house as gifts for Tom. When he brings in the head of the Vicar's most expensive Koi carp and the Vicar asks Mum for a ton of money for a replacement, Anna's Dad is so cross he locks the New Cat out of the house. Tom argues for the cat to be let back in, but by the time Dad finally concedes, the New Cat has disappeared altogether. Anna, Suzanne and Tom are convinced he's been kidnapped--but can they find out who is behind the Great Cat Conspiracy?
The Great Cat Conspiracy
by Katie Davies Hannah ShawA cat goes conspicuously missing in this hilarious pet mystery from the team that brought you The Great Hamster Massacre and The Great Rabbit Rescue.This is a story about Tom, and the Cat Lady, and all the things that happened after the New Cat got kidnapped.... The New Cat keeps bringing dead things into the house as gifts for Tom. When he brings in the head of the Vicar's most expensive Koi carp and the Vicar asks Mum for a ton of money for a replacement, Anna's Dad is so cross he locks the New Cat out of the house. Tom argues for the cat to be let back in, but by the time Dad finally concedes, the New Cat has disappeared altogether. Anna, Suzanne and Tom are convinced he's been kidnapped--but can they find out who is behind the Great Cat Conspiracy?
The Great Catnapping (The Great Pet Heist)
by Emily EctonIn this hilarious, high-stakes companion to The Great Pet Heist, The Great Ghost Hoax, and The Great Vandal Scandal, the pet friends take matters into their own paws—and tentacles—to rescue Walt and the white cat when they get catnapped.The white cat, famous for being a spokes-cat for Beautiful Buffet Cat Food, is making a TV appearance at a supermarket opening, with Madison playing cat wrangler to the stars! The TV people want Walt, too, and everyone is excited for her to reach celebrity status—except Walt. Unfortunately for the felines&’ television debut, two cats loose in a supermarket is a recipe for disaster. Chaos erupts at the grand opening, and when the dust settles, the white cat and Walt are nowhere to be seen. They&’ve been catnapped! The police are on the case, but their investigation isn&’t moving fast enough to satisfy the cats&’ worried friends. Desperate to get the snatched celebrities home safe and sound, Butterbean and the gang undertake a rescue mission of their own.
The Great Catsby: Beautifully illustrated classics, as told by the finest breeds! (Classic Tails)
by Eliza GarrettCLASSIC TAILS - the greatest works of literature, as told by the finest breedsWe all have our favourite classic tales; books that have been beloved to us since childhood, whose wonderful stories and rich tapestry of characters are unsurpassed in modern literature. How, you may ask, could these marvellous works ever be improved upon?Reader, ask no more...for we present The Great CatsbyMillionaire Jay Catsby is a mystery. All alone in his moggy mansion, he throws extravagant parties attended by all the great and the good of the feline world. What nobody knows is that this is a kitty haunted by love - the love of a beautiful pussycat called Daisy, whom he lost to another long ago - and Catsby's great wish is that one day she, too, might be drawn to join the festivities.When Daisy's cousin Nick moves in next door, it seems like Catsby is a whisker away from winning back his beloved. But Daisy's husband Tomcat has other ideas...What readers are saying about The Great Catsby:'Hilarious twist on a classic, filled with many much appreciated cat puns''A lovely feline version of the classic tale. Beautiful and cute images and a lot of funny cat references!''Fun book - cleverly written. 5 stars'
The Great Cheese Conspiracy
by Jean Van LeeuwenTired of gangster movies and a steady diet of candy wrappers, three theater mice decide to rob a cheese shop.
The Great Cheese Robbery: Book 1 (Pocket Pirates #1)
by Chris MouldIn the junk shop at the end of the street is a dusty old ship in a bottle. And when the world isn't watching, a tiny pirate crew come out of the ship to explore. They aren't much bigger than a matchstick, but they have a HUGE appetite for adventure...When the skirting-board mice kidnap Jones, the ship's cat, and ransom him for cheese, the Pocket Pirates spring into action. But to get the cheese, they must venture to the freezing cold place where it's always winter ... The place called Fridge. Can the Pocket Pirates survive their perilous journey and get their ship's cat back ...?The first in an unmissable series about tiny pirates who have BIG adventures, with gorgeous illustrations throughout, from the illustrator of A Boy Called Christmas.
The Great Cheese Robbery: The Great Cheese Robbery (Pocket Pirates #1)
by Chris MouldA band of tiny squash-bucklers go on adventures of epic proportions in this start to a brand-new chapter book series about pocket-sized pirates!In the junk shop at the end of the street is a dusty old ship in a bottle. And when the world isn’t watching, a tiny pirate crew comes out of the ship to explore. They aren’t much bigger than a matchstick, but they have a HUGE appetite for adventure! When a band of mice kidnaps Jones, the ship’s cat, and ransoms him for cheese, the Pocket Pirates spring into action. But to get the cheese, they must venture to the freezing cold place where it’s always winter…the place called Fridge. Can the Pocket Pirates survive their perilous journey and get their ship’s cat back?
The Great Christmas Kidnaping Caper
by Jean Van LeeuwenMarvin and his gang settle in for a nice, quiet winter... or so they think. Marvin the Magnificent and his gang, Fats and Raymond, have never had it so good. Spending the winter in Macy's Department Store couldn't be more cozy--especially when they make friends with the store's Santa Claus. But one morning Santa disappears, and Marvin suspects foul play. The gang gets right on the job... but could the mission prove too difficult, even for magnificent mice?
The Great Dinosaur Robbery
by David ForrestFive frightfully British children's nannies find themselves tasked with pulling off the most extraordinary theft of all time - they must steal the gigantic, 200-million-year-old skeleton of a brontosaurus from the American Museum of Natural History in New York. Why?Hidden somewhere in the skeleton is a microdot containing Chinese military secrets that could be vital to the survival of the British Empire. And they aren't the only ones looking for the stolen secrets. Chinese spies and American counter-espionage agents both have a bone to pick with Nannie Hettie and her cohorts.The Great Dinosaur Robbery is a British comedy classic that inpired the Disney film One of Our Dinosaurs is Missing starring Peter Ustinov.
The Great Dinosaur Robbery
by David ForrestFive frightfully British children's nannies find themselves tasked with pulling off the most extraordinary theft of all time - they must steal the gigantic, 200-million-year-old skeleton of a brontosaurus from the American Museum of Natural History in New York. Why? Hidden somewhere in the skeleton is a microdot containing Chinese military secrets that could be vital to the survival of the British Empire. And they aren't the only ones looking for the stolen secrets. Chinese spies and American counter-espionage agents both have a bone to pick with Nannie Hettie and her cohorts. The Great Dinosaur Robbery is a British comedy classic that inpired the Disney film One of Our Dinosaurs is Missing starring Peter Ustinov.
The Great Dinosaur Sleepover
by Linda BaileyA young boy's disappointing birthday party gets turned upside down with a blast from the prehistoric past in this hilarious, dino-mite picture book adventure.Jake loves dinosaurs, so with his birthday coming up, he knows just what kind of party he wants — a dinosaur sleepover! Dino games, dino balloons, dino cake. Dino everything! But when the big day arrives, his friends all come down with the flu, and the party seems to be on the edge of extinction.Then, in the middle of the night, Jake hears a strange noise and goes to investigate. To his surprise, he finds some prehistoric party guests right there in his living room! They've invited themselves in to make sure Jake has a birthday he'll never forget —just don't tell the T-Rex!An unforgettable birthday tale with huge laughs and heart, this newest picture book from acclaimed author Linda Bailey celebrates friendship, inclusion and fun – and is brought to life with magnificent, cinematic artwork from award-winning animation director and illustrator Joe Bluhm.