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The Household Tips of the Great Writers
by Mark CrickWhat would literary lions tell us about cooking, cleaning, and gardening? A three-book collection of parody and practical advice by a &“brilliant&” humorist (The Financial Times). The Household Tips of Great Writers covers all your household needs, indoors and outdoors, from pruning a rose bush with Pablo Neruda to mending a dripping tap with Jean-Paul Sartre. Throwing a tea party? Irvine Welsh has the recipe for the perfect chocolate cake, though that's not all he's cooking. Brilliant, hilarious, and always pitch-perfect, this omnibus edition of Mark Crick's wonderful books of literary pastiche will inform and entertain the most erudite of householders. Includes: Sartre&’s Sink &“This brilliantly inventive DIY manual both parodies and celebrates great authors ... Crick is a brilliant literary ventriloquist.&”—The Financial Times Kafka&’s Soup &“These literary and visual pastiches of writers and their relationships with food provide a laugh a line as they skewer their literary originals with effortless accuracy...a masterpiece.&”—The Guardian Machiavelli&’s Lawn &“Erudite and enjoyable prose, no less rewarding for its horticultural accuracy.&”—Times Literary Supplement
The Housekeeper's Awakening: A Spicy Billionaire Boss Romance (At His Service #3266)
by Sharon KendrickAt her boss's beck and call... Recovering from a terrible car accident, world renowned playboy Luis Martinez is bored, grumpy and frustrated. He's sick of nurses fussing over him, so he fires the lot and demands his sweet, innocent housekeeper massage him back to health! Carly Conner has spent her life trying not to be noticed. But now with her boss looking at her differently, every day the tantalizing tension between them grows. When Luis whisks her away to his villa in the south of France, how long will she be able to deny the temptation he poses...especially when he makes a second shocking proposition?
The Housewife Assassin’s Killer 3-Book Set: A Funny Romantic Mystery
by Josie Brown3 Full-Length Novels, by Josie Brown Murder. Suspense. Sex. And some handy household tips.THE HOUSEWIFE ASSASSIN'S HANDBOOK (Book 1)Every desperate housewife wants an alias. Donna Stone has one...and it happens to be government-sanctioned. She earned it the hard way: her husband was killed the day she delivered her third child. To avenge his death, she leads a secret life - as an assassin. But espionage makes for strange bedfellows - and brings new meaning to that old adage, "Honey, I'm home..." THE HOUSEWIFE ASSASSIN'S GUIDE TO GRACIOUS KILLING (Book 2)Donna and Jack are in the kind of hot mess that can cause an international incident. A nuclear arms summit, hosted by a politically-connected American billionaire industrialist, provides the perfect opportunity for a rogue operative to assassinate of the newly-elected Russian president on US soil. Acme operative Donna Stone's mission: seek and exterminate the shooter, before all hell--and World War III--break loose. Also on Donna's to-do list: file for divorce. Throw in a couple of play dates and a few naughty neighbors, you've got a whole lot of fun.THE HOUSEWIFE ASSASSIN'S DEADLY DOSSIER (Full-Length Prequel)Acme Industries black-ops agent Jack Craig is tasked with investigating the mysterious death of his organization's most prolific hit man, Carl Stone, only to fall in love with the dead man's wife, Donna--a woman he must never contact, but who may hold the key to her husband's disappearance. When Acme approaches Donna to join their organization as an assassin, Jack's undercover mission will change both their lives forever.
The Hoxton Street Monster Supplies Cookbook: Everyday recipes for the living, dead and undead
by Hoxton Street Monster Supplies LimitedFor hundreds of years, the Hoxton Street Monster Supplies shop has been supplying quality goods for the monster community from its premises in east London - and this, its classic recipe book, has been in use for just as long.Now, for the first time, it has been adapted for use by humans as well as monsters. So whether you're entertaining trolls, hosting a vampire soirée or expecting zombies round for tea, you can make delicious treats to suit every occasion.- Fallen out with a friend? Bake them some 1000-year Curse Cookies!- Want to woo a zombie? Try our After-Gorging Breath Mints!- Unexpected ogre guests? Make our Fresh Maggot Brownies or Spiced Earwax Pie!With recipes and handy hints for monster housekeeping, this classic tome is an essential addition to every home, lair, cave, swamp or fiery pit.
The Hoxton Street Monster Supplies Cookbook: The Monster's Cookbook
by Hoxton Street Monster Supplies LimitedFor hundreds of years, the Hoxton Street Monster Supplies shop has been supplying quality goods for the monster community from its premises in east London - and this, its classic recipe book, has been in use for just as long.Now, for the first time, it has been adapted for use by humans as well as monsters. So whether you're entertaining trolls, hosting a vampire soirée or expecting zombies round for tea, you can make delicious treats to suit every occasion.- Fallen out with a friend? Bake them some 1000-year Curse Cookies!- Want to woo a zombie? Try our After-Gorging Breath Mints!- Unexpected ogre guests? Make our Fresh Maggot Brownies or Spiced Earwax Pie!With recipes and handy hints for monster housekeeping, this classic tome is an essential addition to every home, lair, cave, swamp or fiery pit.
The Huckleberry Murders
by Patrick F. McmanusSheriff Bo Tully is the brand of western lawman who uses as much cunning and guile on the ladies as he does solving his cases. He's a man with a sense of humor and a hunch for the truth, which comes in handy when trying to capture killers and establish order in Blight County. As the novel opens, Sheriff Tully is following up on one of his famous hunches: he suspects the murder of local retiree Orville Poulson by his ranch caretaker, Ray Crockett, a sociopath with a criminal record. The only problem is, Tully has no evidence or body to prove that a crime has been committed--supposedly Orville is alive and well and cashing his Social Security checks from Spokane. Meanwhile, a far more alarming case emerges. Three young men have been shot, each in the back of the head, execution style, in a huckleberry patch on Scotchman Mountain, leaving behind no identification. With the help of confident and beautiful FBI agent Angela Phelps, Tully tries to connect the dots between Poulson's disappearance, the sudden spate of murders occurring in Blight County, and a big white pickup truck with dual tires causing havoc and crime. As the few potential leads are either killed off or prove nearly impossible to track down, Tully must follow his instincts to piece together the puzzle of who is doing the killing, and why. His suspicions lead him straight into a haunted swamp, along with Agent Phelps, his womanizing ex-sheriff father, Pap, expert tracker and good friend Dave, and mountain man Poke. A twisty case packed with murder and mystery, The Huckleberry Murders is the most entertaining tale yet in this beloved series.
The Huckleberry Murders: A Sheriff Bo Tully Mystery
by Patrick F. McmanusSheriff Bo Tully is the brand of western lawman who uses as much cunning and guile on the ladies as he does solving his cases. He's a man with a sense of humor and a hunch for the truth, which comes in handy when trying to capture killers and establish order in Blight County. As the novel opens, Sheriff Tully is following up on one of his famous hunches: he suspects the murder of local retiree Orville Poulson by his ranch caretaker, Ray Crockett, a sociopath with a criminal record. The only problem is, Tully has no evidence or body to prove that a crime has been committed--supposedly Orville is alive and well and cashing his Social Security checks from Spokane. Meanwhile, a far more alarming case emerges. Three young men have been shot, each in the back of the head, execution style, in a huckleberry patch on Scotchman Mountain, leaving behind no identification. With the help of confident and beautiful FBI agent Angela Phelps, Tully tries to connect the dots between Poulson's disappearance, the sudden spate of murders occurring in Blight County, and a big white pickup truck with dual tires causing havoc and crime. As the few potential leads are either killed off or prove nearly impossible to track down, Tully must follow his instincts to piece together the puzzle of who is doing the killing, and why. His suspicions lead him straight into a haunted swamp, along with Agent Phelps, his womanizing ex-sheriff father, Pap, expert tracker and good friend Dave, and mountain man Poke. A twisty case packed with murder and mystery, The Huckleberry Murders is the most entertaining tale yet in this beloved series.
The Hueys in It Wasn't Me (The Hueys #2)
by Oliver JeffersWhat's all the arguing about? There are plenty of Hueys to go around in this hilarious story from the #1 bestselling illustrator of The Day the Crayons Quit!The Hueys are back! Oliver Jeffers' jelly bean-shaped creatures may look the same, think the same, and even do the same things, but that doesn’t mean they always agree. The only problem is, they can’t seem to agree on what they disagreed on in the first place! Which ultimately leads to an even bigger disagreement! Confused? Well, so are the Hueys. Which only adds to the fun and hilarity.Anyone who has ever had to referee an argument among siblings or friends will appreciate the absurdity Oliver Jeffers reveals in the every-day trials of getting along.Oliver Jeffers is the New York Times bestselling author/illustrator of Stuck, The Incredible Book-Eating Boy, This Moose Belongs to Me, Lost and Found, How to Catch a Star, The Heart in the Bottle (which is also a highly-acclaimed iPad app narrated by Helena Bonham Carter) and many more. He is also the ilustrator of the mega-selling The Day the Crayons Quit, written by Drew Daywalt. His books have won numerous awards, including the Nestlé Children’s Book Prize Gold Award, the Blue Peter Book of the Year, and the Irish Book Awards Children’s Book of the Year.
The Hueys in None The Number (The Hueys #3)
by Oliver JeffersLearn to count with the #1 New York Times bestselling artist of The Day the Crayons Quit and his hilarious cast of Hueys! "Is none a number?" you might ask. I'm glad you did. The answer is Yes! For example, how many lumps of cheese do you see next to you? The answer, depending on where you are, is likely "none." Counting with the reader all the way up to ten, the Hueys explain numbers as only they can. Such as: The number 4 is the number of tantrums thrown by Dave every day. 7 is the number of oranges balanced on things. And 9 is the number of seagulls who attacked Frank's French fries. Together they make quite a spectacle. But when you take away all of these fun illustrations in the book? You're left with none!This funny and accessible counting book from #1 New York Times bestseller Oliver Jeffers (The Day the Crayons Quit; This Moose Belongs to Me) gives the Hueys one more reason to be every young child's best friends.Praise for NONE THE NUMBER"Delightfully droll and enlightening . . . . The illustrations, 'made with pencils and a bit of color' on large white pages, are deceptively simple and ridiculously funny."--School Library Journal
The Hueys in The New Sweater (The Hueys #1)
by Oliver JeffersThe New York Times Best Illustrated Picture Book, now in an oversized trim for added value and fun!The Hueys are small and mischievous, unique compared to the world's other creatures--but hardly unique to one another. You see, each Huey looks the same, thinks the same, and does the same exact things. So you can imagine the chaos when one of them has the idea of knitting a sweater! It seems like a good idea at the time--he is quite proud of it, in fact--but it does make him different from the others. So the rest of the Hueys, in turn, decide that they want to be different too! How? By knitting the exact same sweater, of course!The first in a series of child-friendly concept books by the #1 bestselling artist of The Day the Crayons Quit, How to Catch a Star, Stuck, and This Moose Belongs to Me, The New Sweater proves that standing apart can be accomplished even when standing together.
The Hueys in What's The Opposite? (The Hueys #4)
by Oliver JeffersExplore the humorous world of opposites with the #1 bestselling illustrator of The Day the Crayons Quit and his band of Hueys!"What's the opposite of the beginning?" A sensible question to ask when opening a book that teaches the reader about opposites. But maybe we should start with something a little easier? For example, it's quite unlucky when a Huey finds himself stranded on a hot, deserted island—but how lucky it is when a fan arrives to provide some cool air! Oh, wait . . . nowhere to plug it in? Unlucky, once again. Now for a harder one: What&’s the difference between half full and half empty?Stumped? Don&’t worry, that one will make a Huey&’s head hurt too.In this funny concept book from the illustrator of the #1 New York Times bestselling The Day the Crayons Quit, Oliver Jeffers takes us on a delightful ride through the world of contraries. Praise for The Hueys in What's the Opposite?* "Even readers who know the basics of opposites will get their minds blown here, as a glass is considered half full on one page but also half empty on the next. It&’s not easy to be so very simple and so very clever, but Jeffers manages in this laugh-aloud offering that will get groups giggling."—Booklist, starred review* "An amusing twist on the traditional concept book by a beloved master of shape and line."—School Library Journal, starred review"A clever concept book from beginning to end."—Kirkus Reviews
The Huffaluks: Book 7 (Nelly the Monster Sitter #7)
by Kes GrayNelly is as busy as ever monster-sitting strange and unusual monster babies. With inviting Huffaluks to her birthday barbeque, struggling to frighten Muggots to sleep and stopping Thermitts from melting, Nelly's monster-sitting adventures continue to be full of surprises!It's Nelly's twelfth birthday, and she's invited the huffaluks round for a party. But Nelly's sisters Asti is not happy, and is determined to cause trouble.
The Huge, Hysterical, Never Terrible Book of Jokes for Kids (Silly Jokes)
by Carole P. Roman Corinne SchmittGet silly as you practice problem-solving with 2,000 riddles and jokes for kids of all ages!Are you ready for hours of entertainment, guaranteed to make you laugh and tease your brain? Then you've come to the right place, because this book of jokes is a giant combination of THREE popular joke books for kids. Inside, you'll discover tons of silly fun that will engage your imagination, cultivate your creative thinking skills, and have you howling with hysterics!This huge 3-in-1 collection includes:The Big Book of Silly Jokes for Kids: This beloved bestseller is packed with knee-slapping knock-knocks, side-splitting puns, and more!The Big Book of Silly Jokes for Kids 2: Keep the fun going with even more clean and corny jokes for the whole family.Tricky Riddles for Kids: Put your brain to the test with a collection of silly riddles that get more challenging as you go. How many can you solve? Sharpen your skills and have a blast with The Huge, Hysterical, Never Terrible Book of Jokes for Kids!
The Hugely-Wugely Spider
by Ethan T. BerlinWe've all heard of the Itsy-Bitsy Spider right? But have you heard of the the Hugely-Wugely Spider? He's just like Itsy-Bitsy except he's a little—no—a lot bigger. The Hugely-Wugely Spider went up the water spout, well not really, because he wasn't invited by the other spiders. And maybe because his size was bit of an issue . . . But that didn't stop him from trying. The Itsy-Bitsy Spider and his friends get into a bind when down comes the rain and threatens to wash them out, and only the Hugely-Wugely Spider can save them. With his quick thinking and huge thorax, Hugely-Wugely clogs the drain and saves the day.
The Hula Hoop
by Janice WinklerWhen a high-spirited grandmother misplaces her beloved hula hoop, hijinks and hilarity ensue in this charming misadventure. Our whimsical heroine embarks on a quest to recover her lost hoop, getting delightfully sidetracked with adventures galore along the way.Will she find it?
The Human Kaboom: 6 Explosively Different Stories with the Same Exact Name!
by Adam RubinThe author of the #1 New York Times bestsellers Dragons Love Tacos and The Ice Cream Machine returns with another hilarious, irresistible collection of six totally different stories with the same exact name.Adam Rubin is back with this companion to The Ice Cream Machine, inviting you into six thrilling new worlds filled with daring and danger, mystery and mayhem—not to mention explosions! In a swanky New York City hotel, a reclusive guest appears to have spontaneously combusted. On a school field trip to a human anatomy museum in space, two kids try to pull off the greatest prank in history. Somewhere on a deserted island, three siblings try to make a life for themselves after the rest of the planet has been decimated by gigantic rock monsters. And then there's the small, quaint fishing town where a boy visiting his sister stumbles across an ancient curse; the traveling circus where a young girl becomes the assistant to a death-defying human cannonball; and the rugged wilderness where one kid with superpowers just can't seem to find some peace.Each story is illustrated by a different artist, including Marta Altés, Daniel Gray-Barnett, Rodolfo Montalvo, Daniel Salmieri, Adam de Souza, and Gracey Zhang, with black-and-white artwork that practically explodes off the page. So put on a helmet and hang on tight, because this unpredictable book will blow you away!
The Human Part
by Kari Hotakainen Owen F. WitesmanA burnt-out author, who can no longer mine material from his own life for his novels, "buys" the life of an elderly woman he meets at a book fair. In exchange for his last few thousand euros, the woman, Salme Malmikunnas, a retired yarn and button saleswoman, relates her life story over the course of two interviews held in a secluded highway café. The author is instantly reinvigorated, but the two soon come into conflict over the degree to which he may embellish Salme's reminiscences. His imagination begins to run wild with the lives of her three children, and as they all lurch from crisis to crisis, Salme founders in the shifting sands of the little white lies they have told her, and the fabrications of her new friend.The Human Part is at once an absurdist meditation on the relationship between truth and falsehood in fiction and a panoramic state-of-the-nation novel. Racism, communism, the global financial crisis and the literary legacies of Finland's finest writers are all dissected. There are shades of George Pennac's masterpiece, Life: A User's Manual, in the subtly oblique angle of Hotakainen's approach.
The Human Part
by Kari HotakainenAn elderly woman agrees to sell her life to a blocked writer she meets at a book fair. She needs to talk - her husband has not spoken since a family tragedy some months ago. She claims that her grown-up children are doing well, but the writer imagines less salubrious lives for them, as the downturn of Finland's economic boom begins to bite. Perhaps he's on to something. The Human Part is pure laugh-out-loud satire, laying bare the absurdities of modern society in the most vicious and precise manner imaginable.
The Human Part
by Kari HotakainenAn elderly woman agrees to sell her life to a blocked writer she meets at a book fair. She needs to talk - her husband has not spoken since a family tragedy some months ago. She claims that her grown-up children are doing well, but the writer imagines less salubrious lives for them, as the downturn of Finland's economic boom begins to bite. Perhaps he's on to something. The Human Part is pure laugh-out-loud satire, laying bare the absurdities of modern society in the most vicious and precise manner imaginable.
The Humans: A Novel
by Matt HaigThe critically acclaimed author of The Radleys shares a clever, heartwarming, and darkly insightful novel about an alien who comes to Earth to save humans from themselves.When an extraterrestrial visitor arrives on Earth, his first impressions of the human species are less than positive. Taking the form of Professor Andrew Martin, a leading mathematician at Cambridge University, the visitor wants to complete his task and go back home, to the planet he comes from, and a utopian society of immortality and infinite knowledge. He is disgusted by the way humans look, what they eat, the wars they witness on the news, and totally baffled by such concepts of love and family. But as time goes on, he starts to realize there may be more to this weird species than he has been led to believe. He drinks wine, reads Emily Dickinson, listens to Talking Heads, and begins to bond with the family he lives with, in disguise. In picking up the pieces of the professor's shattered personal life, the narrator sees hope and redemption in the humans' imperfections and begins to question the very mission that brought him there. A mission that involves not only thwarting human progress...but murder. Praised by The New York Times as "a novelist of great seriousness and talent," author Matt Haig delivers an unlikely story about human nature and the joy found in the very messiness of life on Earth. The Humans is a funny, compulsively readable tale that playfully and movingly explores the ultimate subject--ourselves.
The Humor Code: A Global Search for What Makes Things Funny
by Joel Warner Peter McGrawPart road-trip comedy and part social science experiment, a scientist and a journalist “shed fascinating light on what makes us laugh and why” (New York Post).Two guys. Nineteen experiments. Five continents. 91,000 miles. The Humor Code follows the madcap adventures and oddball experiments of Professor Peter McGraw and writer Joel Warner as they discover the secret behind what makes things funny. In their search, they interview countless comics, from Doug Stanhope to Louis CK and travel across the globe from Norway to New York, from Palestine to the Amazon. It’s an epic quest, both brainy and harebrained, that culminates at the world’s largest comedy festival where the pair put their hard-earned knowledge to the test. For the first time, they have established a comprehensive theory that answers the question “what makes things funny?” Based on original research from the Humor Research Lab (HuRL) at the University of Colorado, Boulder, and the pair’s experiences across the globe, The Humor Code explains the secret behind winning the New Yorker cartoon caption contest, why some dead baby jokes are funnier than others, and whether laughter really is the best medicine. Hilarious, surprising, and sometimes even touching, The Humor Code “lays out a convincing theory about how humor works, and why it’s an essential survival mechanism” (Mother Jones).
The Humorous Verse of Lewis Carroll
by Lewis Carroll"The editors have performed a task for addicts will be grateful. There is nothing for the faithful to do but to sit down and fall to the banquet." -- TheNew York TimesThis is the largest collection of Lewis Carroll's verse ever compiled. It contains almost every poem that Carroll ever wrote. It includes every prose appearing in his books published during his life, privately printed poems, ephemera, poems from manuscripts found among his papers, and from "The Rectory Magazine," Collingwood's "Lewis Carroll Picture Book," "Life and Letters of Lewis Carroll," and rare 19th century periodicals. This is the only place of publication for much of this verse.This volume contains 150 different poems, offering perhaps the finest whimsy ever written. There are parodies, burlesques, riddles, whimsies, ballads, songs (one with Carroll's own music), extravaganzas, acrostics, and other types, including several of his serious poems. Many poems are annotated to explain contemporary allusions, and this edition retains 130 original illustrations by Tenniel, Frost, Holiday, Furniss, and Carroll himself.
The Hundred-Year-Old Man Who Climbed Out of the Window and Disappeared: A Novel
by Jonas JonassonTHE GLOBAL BESTSELLER Sitting quietly in his room in an old people's home, Allan Karlsson is waiting for a party he doesn't want to begin. His one-hundredth birthday party to be precise. The Mayor will be there. The press will be there. But, as it turns out, Allan will not . . .Escaping (in his slippers) through his bedroom window, into the flowerbed, Allan makes his getaway. And so begins his picaresque and unlikely journey involving criminals, several murders, a suitcase full of cash, and incompetent police. As his escapades unfold, Allan's earlier life is revealed. A life in which - remarkably - he played a key role behind the scenes in some of the momentous events of the twentieth century.Translated by Roy Bradbury.
The Hunger Pains
by The Harvard LampoonWINNING MEANS WEALTH, FAME, AND A LIFE OF THERAPY LOSING MEANS DEATH, BUT ALSO FAME! THIS IS THE HUNGER PAINS When Kantkiss Neverclean replaces her sister as a contestant on the Hunger Games--the second-highest-rated reality TV show in Peaceland, behind Extreme Home Makeover--she has no idea what to expect. Having lived her entire life in the telemarketing district's worst neighborhood, the Crack, Kantkiss feels unprepared to fight to the death while simultaneously winking and looking adorable for the cameras. But when her survival rests on choosing between the dreamy hunk from home, Carol Handsomestein, or the doughy klutz, Pita Malarkey, Kantkiss discovers that the toughest conflicts may not be found on the battlefield but in her own heart . . . which is unfortunately on a battlefield.
The Hunger but Mainly Death Games: A Parody
by Bratniss EvercleanWelcome to "The Hunger But Mainly Death Games", the hilarious Hunger Games parody, and the only book brave enough to suggest that Suzanne Collins's epic trilogy was way more about death than food. Or at least this is what Bratniss Everclean discovers, when she leaves the comforts of Slum 12, Pandumb's garbage dump, to shortsightedly volunteer for a teenage death tournament. But she soon realizes there are fates worse than death ... like weirdly having to date her fellow competitor, and lifelong stalker, Pita Malarkey. Okay, okay, it's not worse than DEATH, but it's still pretty annoying. Still, with help from her agent Oofie Triptrip and her mentor, Hagridmitch, who's pretty sure he can guide Bratniss to victory in the Tri-Wizard Cup, maybe Bratniss will somehow survive this book that she's the narrator of. "The Hunger But Mainly Death Games" is the perfect book for anyone who's going through Hunger Games withdrawal and ready for a wonderfully twisted take on their favorite story and characters. This book is also for the unfortunate teens who are trapped in a Hunger Games at this very moment and could really benefit from some levity. We're here for you, assuming you brought your books into the arena.