- Table View
- List View
The José Mourinho Quote Book
by Ebury Press‘Please don’t call me arrogant, but I’m European champion and I think I’m a special one.’ Widely known for his strong personality, sharp dress sense, and eccentric comments at press conferences, there is only one José Mourinho. Regarded as many by the world’s best manager and one of the greatest of all time, he achieved huge success whilst at Benfica, Uniao de Leiria, Porto, Chelsea, Internazionale and Real Madrid. Never one to doubt his own abilities, the charismatic and controversial manager has dominated headlines with his many clashes with the press and run-ins with the football authorities. Silver-tongued and passionate, this compendium of quotes from the ‘special one’ includes the very best of Mourinho on football: his erudite comments, bizarre philosophies, confident expressions of unwavering self-belief and his love of the beautiful game. ‘Look, I'm a coach, I'm not Harry Potter. He is magical, but in reality there is no magic. Magic is fiction and football is real.’ A warning to Real Madrid fans, 2010 ‘Look at my haircut. I am ready for the war.’ At the launch of a new shirt deal between Chelsea and Adidas. The event also became a chance to unveil his new, short-trimmed haircut. ‘I think they should get George Clooney to play me. He's a fantastic actor and my wife thinks he would be ideal.’ Contemplating a film of his life
The Journal of Mortifying Moments
by Robyn HardingKerry Spence is unfulfilled by her soulless career in advertising, disappointed by her dysfunctional relationship, and horrified by the ever-increasing size of her ass. Ever since her gorgeous, self-absorbed boyfriend Sam demoted her to late night hook-up status, she has fortified herself with prime-time TV and blissful binges on cream cheese frosting, awaiting an epiphany that will reveal her next move. Of course, everybody in her life is full of advice. Her free-spirited divorcee mother-when not necking furiously with her much younger boyfriend- sagely counsels her daughter to do whatever it takes to snag Sam back, since, quite frankly, he is the best she can do. Her friends ply her with fruity cocktails and dispense bits of 'Cosmo' wisdom like "Divide your age in half and add seven-that's the youngest man you are allowed to date" and "Scotch tape can eliminate forehead wrinkles. " And then there is Kerry's shrink, the calm, unflappable therapist who suggests she start "a diary of past encounters with men that may be contributing to her negative and dysfunctional quasi-relationship. " Or, as Kerry sees it, a journal of mortifying moments. Beginning with a kissing game gone bad in grade school, the journal jump-starts Kerry's stroll down memory lane of man troubles. But just as Kerry decides her poorly dressed therapist is as crazy as everybody else in her orbit, she begins to realize the journal may actually make some sense-as she plumbs the depths of her most embarrassing experiences on a quest for personal awareness that will give her the strength to turn her life around-and just maybe find love again. The Journal of Mortifying Moments is a hysterically funny glimpse into the quirky, slightly obsessive, and completely lovable mind of Kerry Spence. But somewhere amidst the laugh-out-loud hilarity of Kerry's exploits emerges the story of a woman who learns to stop trying to be someone she's not, and start loving the wonderful, quirky person she is, once and for all.
The Journey Home (Step into Reading)
by Bill ScollonIn theaters November 25, 2015, Disney/Pixar The Good Dinosaur is a humorous and exciting original story about Arlo, a lively Apatosaurus with a big heart. After a traumatic event unsettles Arlo's family, he sets out on a remarkable journey, gaining an unlikely companion along the way--a human boy. This Step 2 Step into Reading leveled reader based on the film is perfect for boys and girls ages 4 to 6.Step 2 Readers use basic vocabulary and short sentences to tell simple stories. For children who recognize familiar words and can sound out new words with help.
The Journey of Joenes
by Robert SheckleyThe Journey of Joenes, also published as Journey Beyond Tomorrow, tells the tale of a picaresque journey through an imagined future taken by a naive and innocent man unprepared for the wonders and oddities he encounters. Sheckley examines the present through the distorting lens of a future wonderfully skewed from, and yet darkly, hilariously similar to, our own world. From the very beginning of his career, Robert Sheckley was recognized by fans, reviewers, and fellow authors as a master storyteller and the wittiest satirist working in the science fiction field. Open Road is proud to republish his acclaimed body of work, with nearly thirty volumes of full-length fiction and short story collections. Rediscover, or discover for the first time, a master of science fiction who, according to the New York Times, was &“a precursor to Douglas Adams.&” &“I have always loved Robert Sheckley. . . . I don&’t know of anyone else in SF who has written quite so many classic stories . . . wittier than Pohl . . . blacker than Lenny Bruce, subtler and more bent that the Firesigns and Monty Python put together . . . The key words with Sheckley are clever, deadly cool and crazy as a bedbug.&” —Spider Robinson
The Joy of Being Online All the F*cking Time (Literally): The Art Of Losing Your Mind (literally)
by Jennifer McCartneyFrom the author of The Joy of Leaving Your Sh*t All Over the Place, comes a defense of screen time. We’re inundated with advice on how to cut back on our screen time, and urged instead to embrace nature, human relationships, and being present in the moment. But has anyone actually considered those realities? They sound like a lot of work. In her new book, Jennifer McCartney gives thanks for phones, iPads, laptops, the menu tablets at Chili’s, and all screens everywhere. We can now follow a baby alpaca on a webcam, watch a viral video on TikTok, find an ex on Facebook, measure our pupillary distances, answer any question without engaging our brains—there’s so much to learn, with little to no effort. The Internet practically runs itself! We use it for work, for family, for research. We’re really, really good at being online! And that’s something to celebrate. With her usual balance of pithy wisdom, aptitude tests, and hilarious commentary, McCartney embraces our new reality. After all, as Descartes might have said, “I scroll, therefore I am.”
The Joy of Doing Just Enough: The Secret Art Of Being Lazy And Getting Away With It
by Jennifer McCartneySit around, leave sh*t all over the place, drink, forget about deadlines . . . being lazy is pretty easy. The real art in being chill is when someone without any real ambition can fly under the radar, and live unscathed by the never-ending reams of self-help and inspiration rained upon anyone who just wants to watch Netflix. The magical place where doing what comes naturally keeps the do-ers at arm’s length. Rather than doing less, do just enough. So screw TED Talks, Instagram images of a beach that say "Fail Better" in gold cursive, marathon training, tips for keeping plants alive, and all self-aggrandizing social media. Ninety-nine percent of people on this planet are just pretty average. We're doing our thing. Trying to get out of bed in the morning. Hey, are you awake right now? Reading a sentence? You know what? That's success in my book. Being a person is hard enough without all the pressure to be good at it.
The Joy of Doing Nothing: A Real-Life Guide to Stepping Back, Slowing Down, and Creating a Simpler, Joy-Filled Life
by Rachel JonatFight back against busyness and celebrate the pleasure of doing nothing in this new guide that helps relieve stress and increase happiness in your life.In The Joy of Doing Nothing you’ll discover how to step away from everything you think you have to do and learn to live a minimalist life. Rachel Jonat shares simple strategies to help you stop overscheduling, find time for yourself, and create moments of calm every day. You’ll learn how to focus more on the important aspects of life, such as family and friends, and scale back your schedule to create more time in the day to care for yourself.
The Joy of Hate: How to Triumph over Whiners in the Age of Phony Outrage
by Greg GutfeldFrom the irreverent star of Fox News's Red Eye and The Five, hilarious observations on the manufactured outrage of an oversensitive, wussified culture.Greg Gutfeld hates artificial tolerance. At the root of every single major political conflict is the annoying coddling Americans must endure of these harebrained liberal hypocrisies. In fact, most of the time liberals uses the mantle of tolerance as a guise for their pathetic intolerance. And what we really need is smart intolerance, or as Gutfeld reminds us, what we used to call common sense.The Joy of Hate tackles this conundrum head on--replacing the idiocy of open-mindness with a shrewd judgmentalism that rejects stupid ideas, notions, and people. With countless examples grabbed from the headlines, Gutfeld provides readers with the enormous tally of what pisses us all off. For example:- The double standard: You can make fun of Christians, but God forbid Muslims. It's okay to call a woman any name imaginable, as long as she's a Republican. And no problem if you're a bigot, as long as you're politically correct about it. - The demonizing of the Tea Party and romanticizing of the Occupy Wall Streeters. - The media who are always offended (see MSNBC lineup)- How critics of Obamacare or illegal immigration are somehow immediately labeled racists. - The endless debate over the Ground Zero Mosque (which Gutfeld planned to open a Muslim gay bar next to). - As well as pretentious music criticism, slow-moving ceiling fans, and snotty restaurant hostesses. Funny and sarcastic to the point of being mean (but in a nice way), The Joy of Hate points out the true jerks in this society and tells them all off.
The Joy of Leaving Your Sh*t All Over the Place: The Art of Being Messy
by Jennifer MccartneyLearn to be messy and everything else in your life will fall into place. The anti-clutter movement is having a moment. You may have heard about a book--an entire book--written on the topic of tidiness and how "magical" and "life-changing" it is to neaten up and THROW AWAY YOUR BELONGINGS. Yes, you read that correctly. It's time to fight that ridiculousness and start buying even more stuff and leaving it any place you want. Guess what, neatniks? Science shows that messy people are more creative.* Being a slob is an art, and there's a fine line between being a consumer and being a hoarder. Don't cross that line. This book shows you how to clutter mindfully and with great joy. The results are mind-blowing. Your plants will stop dying. Your whiskey bottle will never run dry. Your drugstore points will finally add up to a free jar of salsa and some nice shampoo. You'll go shopping and discover you've lost weight... It's time to take back your life from the anti-clutter movement. *As well as smarter and more attractive.
The Joy of Photoshop: When You Ask The Wrong Guy For Help
by James FridmanThe Joy of Photoshop is the long-awaited book from the social media sensation James Fridman.Have you ever taken a seemingly perfect picture only to have it ruined by one tiny detail? Photoshop master James Fridman is only too happy to help, even if he sometimes takes requests a little too literally.The Joy of Photoshop contains James's best-loved and funniest image alterations. From the woman who wished to look like a mermaid, to super-fans who want to be edited into their favourite movies, his followers never get quite what they asked for. Including plenty of never-before-seen pictures, this meme-tastic book will have you in stitches!
The Joy of Photoshop: When You Ask The Wrong Guy For Help
by James FridmanThe Joy of Photoshop is the long-awaited book from the social media sensation James Fridman.Have you ever taken a seemingly perfect picture only to have it ruined by one tiny detail? Photoshop master James Fridman is only too happy to help, even if he sometimes takes requests a little too literally.The Joy of Photoshop contains James's best-loved and funniest image alterations. From the woman who wished to look like a mermaid, to super-fans who want to be edited into their favourite movies, his followers never get quite what they asked for. Including plenty of never-before-seen pictures, this meme-tastic book will have you in stitches!
The Joy of Socks: A Parody
by Emlyn Rees Josie LloydEveryone has socks. In fact, most people love socks. That said, it's not a subject we discuss openly other than with our friends; we just take it for granted that everyone has lots of socks and has their own socksual preferences.Most of us would admit to having enjoyed a wide variety of socks. We have our favourite socks, of course, but also socks for all sorts of occasions: novelty socks, casual socks, outdoor socks, socks that are a bit racy, socks we admit to and socks that are just downright dirty.Some people are fastidious when it comes to socks, never entertaining the thought of odd socks, while others are definitely on the fifty shades of socks spectrum.Whatever kind of socks you're in to, we hope you find that this guide stimulates your imagination and reassures you that it's OK to love all socks.
The Joy of Socks: A Parody
by Emlyn Rees Josie LloydEveryone has socks. In fact, most people love socks. That said, it's not a subject we discuss openly other than with our friends; we just take it for granted that everyone has lots of socks and has their own socksual preferences.Most of us would admit to having enjoyed a wide variety of socks. We have our favourite socks, of course, but also socks for all sorts of occasions: novelty socks, casual socks, outdoor socks, socks that are a bit racy, socks we admit to and socks that are just downright dirty.Some people are fastidious when it comes to socks, never entertaining the thought of odd socks, while others are definitely on the fifty shades of socks spectrum.Whatever kind of socks you're in to, we hope you find that this guide stimulates your imagination and reassures you that it's OK to love all socks.
The Joy of Y'at Catholicism
by Earl J. HigginsJust as all Y'at Orleanians know dat a true miracle is a Catlick family wid less than five kids, and da priest�s benediction is da starting block for da mad dash to da parking lot, now dey�ll know dat if dere�s ever an archbishop of Y�ats, it�ll be Earl Higgins--excuse me, Oil Higgins.-- Angus Lind, New Orleans Times-PicayuneNew Orleans culture is a fusion of secular and holy. From the earliest days of the community founded on the banks of the Mississippi River, the Catholic faith has been an influence on, and inspiration for, daily life. To be sure, religious rites such as weddings, funerals, and feast day festivals transpire elsewhere in the country. In New Orleans, however, they are celebrated with a zeal and verve that speaks to the uniqueness of the community.Earl Higgins amuses us with those quirky, sometimes paradoxical, customs that define modern New Orleans life. He humorously explains why the answer to the question 'Where did you go to high school?' is a better identifying characteristic of a New Orleanian than a thumbprint. What's in a name? Many New Orleans streets and one local bayou bear the names of Catholic saints. Louisiana's civil districts are parishes, not counties, bearing testimony to the strong congregational life of the region's founding fathers.Holidays take a twist as New Orleanians observe Christmas, but just as importantly, Twelfth Night, which ushers in the Carnival season and ultimately Fat Tuesday and Ash Wednesday. Meatless Fridays and the Creole culinary tradition of Holy Thursday's gumbo z�herbes hail from religious observances connected with Lent.The term y'at is an affectionate nickname proudly worn by some New Orleanians. Higgins, a proud Jesuit High School blue jay and y'at, explains how all these Catholic customs and traditions have blended throughout history to create a unique lifestyle and shorthand language found only in New Orleans.
The Judge Hunter: A Novel
by Christopher BuckleyThe latest comic novel from Christopher Buckley, in which a hapless Englishman embarks on a dangerous mission to the New World in pursuit of two judges who helped murder a king.London, 1664. Twenty years after the English revolution, the monarchy has been restored and Charles II sits on the throne. The men who conspired to kill his father are either dead or disappeared. Baltasar &“Balty&” St. Michel is twenty-four and has no skills and no employment. He gets by on handouts from his brother-in-law Samuel Pepys, an officer in the king&’s navy. Fed up with his needy relative, Pepys offers Balty a job in the New World. He is to track down two missing judges who were responsible for the execution of the last king, Charles I. When Balty&’s ship arrives in Boston, he finds a strange country filled with fundamentalist Puritans, saintly Quakers, warring tribes of Indians, and rogues of every stripe. Helped by a man named Huncks, an agent of the Crown with a mysterious past, Balty travels colonial America in search of the missing judges. Meanwhile, on the other side of the Atlantic, Samuel Pepys prepares for a war with the Dutch that fears England has no chance of winning. Christopher Buckley&’s enchanting new novel spins adventure, comedy, political intrigue, and romance against a historical backdrop with real-life characters like Charles II, John Winthrop, and Peter Stuyvesant. Buckley&’s wit is as sharp as ever as he takes readers to seventeenth-century London and New England. We visit the bawdy court of Charles II, Boston under the strict Puritan rule, and New Amsterdam back when Manhattan was a half-wild outpost on the edge of an unmapped continent. The Judge Hunter is a smart and swiftly plotted novel that transports readers to a new world.
The Juggling Pug
by Sean Bryan Tom MurphyA town becomes instantly famous when one special pug begins to juggle. But the pug is also mischievous, messy, and quite naughty. He digs holes in the yard, drinks all the soda in the fridge, and even poops on the rug! This continues until, finally, a little girl has had enough. It’s only when the town calls a meeting to deal with this new nuisance that the pug must learn to control his behavior, or else!From the award-winning author and illustrator of A Girl and Her Gator comes a story that will teach kids how to juggle good behavior and the limelight. Now in a new edition (with updated jacket and smaller trim size), Bryan’s wacky rhyming and Murphy’s witty illustrations are sure to entertain young readers and parents alike. A good read-aloud for children ages 3 to 6, this book is a good reminder to children to be respectful of others' things. Sean Bryan creates a humorous story that parents won't mind reading over and over again and younger children just learning to read will be able to master the simple text.Sky Pony Press, with our Good Books, Racehorse and Arcade imprints, is proud to publish a broad range of books for young readers-picture books for small children, chapter books, books for middle grade readers, and novels for young adults. Our list includes bestsellers for children who love to play Minecraft; stories told with LEGO bricks; books that teach lessons about tolerance, patience, and the environment, and much more. While not every title we publish becomes a New York Times bestseller or a national bestseller, we are committed to books on subjects that are sometimes overlooked and to authors whose work might not otherwise find a home.
The Juju Rules: Or, How to Win Ballgames from Your Couch: A Memoir of a Fan Obsessed
by Hart Seely Susan CanavanFrom an award-winning humorist, a touching memoir and manifesto that reveals the deep secrets of fan jinxes, hexes, and charms Did you know there is a secret to winning ballgames? It’s not the players, managers, money, or luck. It’s juju, and no one knows it better than Hart Seely. Seely has spent a lifetime practicing the art of juju from his living room. And winning ballgames for the New York Yankees. He paces floors. He yells at defenseless TVs. He rallies the team like Churchill addressing the collective British soul. But what he is really doing is harnessing juju energy to influence the outcome of games. And it works. In this uproarious, unforgettable fan confessional, Seely shares the basics of juju for the beginner—“Setting the Table,” asking for a called strike instead of a walk-off homer—to advanced juju—“Bringing the Neg,” predicting bad events to keep them from actually happening—to the deepest, darkest formulas of this age-old art. Along the way readers come to know Hart and his hilarious band of fellow juju practitioners, a secret club of friends whose fandom bonds them across decades, not to mention won/loss columns. Nostalgic, heartwarming, and laugh-out-loud funny, The Juju Rules is a memoir of a life well-lived in service to one’s team that shows how love can be a powerful passion in the best way.
The Juliet Club
by Suzanne HarperKate Sanderson has been burned by love. From now on, she thinks, I will control my own destiny, and I will be reasoned and rational. But life has other things in store for Kate. Namely, a summer abroad studying Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet in the very town where the star-crossed lovers met, Verona, Italy. Kate is thrown together with two other American teens and three Italians for a special seminar-and for volunteer duty at the Juliet Club, where they answer letters from the lovelorn around the world. Can Kate's cool logic withstand the most romantic summer ever? Especially when faced with the ever-so-charming Giacomo and his entrancing eyes . . . ?
The Jumbalees in Hidden Treasure: A Hidden Treasure Hunt story for Kids ages 4 - 8 illustrated with cartoons (The Jumbalees #2)
by Chris EvansIn this story the Jumbalees go on a hidden treasure hunt. They split up into two groups, three of them search the beach and the other four look in the jungle. Several interesting items are found but a golden coloured object buried in the sand at the beach causes the most excitement. Is it valuable treasure, how did it get there and who does it belong to?This series of illustrated stories for kids are about the Jumbalees, a group of colourful young creatures that live and play together on an exotic island close to the ocean. They behave like human children, working together even when they disagree as they make their way through exciting and sometimes scary adventures. Their social interactions help prepare them for dealing with others and the world around them and their loyalty and humour allow them to overcome the obstacles they face. The colourful cartoon illustrations in these storybooks make reading more fun for kids.
The Jumbalees in Hide and Squeak: A Funny Hide and Seek story for Kids ages 3 – 5 (The Jumbalees #1)
by Chris EvansThe Jumbalees decide to play a game of hide and seek. They hide in all kinds of places but one of them proves to be too clever for their own good! See if you can help find the hiding Jumbalees in the pictures. This is the first book in the series and is for younger readers ages 3 – 5.This series of illustrated stories for kids are about the Jumbalees, a group of colourful young creatures that live and play together on an exotic island close to the ocean. They behave like human children, working together even when they disagree as they make their way through exciting and sometimes scary adventures. Their social interactions help prepare them for dealing with others and the world around them and their loyalty and humour allow them to overcome the obstacles they face. The colourful cartoon illustrations in these storybooks make reading more fun for kids.
The Jumbo Duct Tape Book: The Gigantic, Exhaustive, Really Thick, Ultra Informative, Mother-of-em-all Book By Jim And Tim, The Duct Tape Guys
by Jim Berg Tim NybergDid you know that duct tape can turn any item of clothing into rainwear? That duct tape over a computer screen will keep your kids from surfing naughty sites on the Web? That a perfect solution for those easy-to-lose TV remotes is to duct tape them to your arm? (Not only won't you lose it, you'll never have to relinquish control over it, either!) But can you also believe that Jim and Tim's creative ideas for duct tape spawned not just one bestselling book, but three, plus a calendar? And now the ultimate collection? With two-thirds of the material drawn from their previous books and calendars and one-third all-new, The Jumbo Duct Tape Book is pure nuttiness to the nth degree. The premise is right there, on page one: "One rule can get you through life. It if ain't stuck and it's supposed to be, duct tape it." But of course it's the interpretation that counts-like duct taping the gas pedal for cruise control, or duct taping marbles to your pressure points for instant reflexology. And then there's bending the rule-transforming sneakers into golf shoes by punching nails through duct tape and taping it to the soles, saving energy by taping all switches in the off position. Plus cosmetic dentistry (use white tape for the "The Mask" look, silver for the metal-mouth bad guy look), cell phone safety (tape phone to side of head while driving so hands stay on wheel), home decorating (use duct tape for easy drapery tie-backs). You can even convert the book to a "hard cover" by taping a piece of 1/4 inch sheet of plate steel to the front and back covers. It'll last for years!
The Juniper Tree
by Barbara Comyns Sadie SteinBella Winter has hit a low. Homeless and jobless, she is the mother of a toddler by a man whose name she didn’t quite catch, and her once pretty face is disfigured by the scar she acquired in a car accident. Friendless and without family, she’s recently disentangled herself from a selfish and indifferent boyfriend and a cruel and indifferent mother. But she shares a quality common to Barbara Comyns’s other heroines: a bracingly unsentimental ability to carry on. Before too long, Bella has found not only a job but a vocation; not only a place to live but a home and a makeshift family. As Comyns’s novel progresses, the story echoes and inverts the Brothers Grimm’s macabre tale The Juniper Tree. Will Bella’s hard-won restoration to life and love come at the cost of the happiness of others?
The Junk-Drawer Corner-Store Front-Porch Blues
by John PowersDonald is a comedy writer, but his one-room life isn't very funny. His son wants his own room. His girlfriend is tired of living in just one. Then there are the shadows just found on his lung.
The Junkyard Bot
by Goro Fujita C. J. RichardsWorker robots keep the high-tech town of Terabyte Heights humming, but ten-year-old George Gearing is the only one who has a robot for a best friend. When his scrappy but beloved pal Jackbot is hit by a car, the whiz kid re-engineers him with fancy parts from state-of-the-art TinkerTech Laboratories. Jackbot's astounding new skills far exceed anything George--or even TinkerTech's head of robotics--could ever have imagined. Will the villainous Dr. Micron destroy the whole town to see his tech-driven dream realized? Not if George can help it . . .
The Jupiter Plague
by Harry HarrisonUnexpectedly, long thought lost, the first manned Jupiter probe has returned - but only a madman would have tried to land it at Kennedy International! The result is the biggest air disaster in history. And that's only the beginning . . .