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The Green Red Green: Made Almost Entirely from Recycled Material
by Red GreenRed Green was recycling material long before the green revolution got underway. Look at the autmobiles he's driven over the years. Many of those were assembled using the same basic method employed for The Green Red Green: by welding together the surviving bits of some old wrecks. In this case, we're talking about the three Red Geen books published long ago by other, inferior publishers: Duct Tape Is Not Enough, a collection of newspaper columns by Red Green's alter-ego Steve Smith on surviving middle age; Red Green Talks Cars; and Red's literary debut The Red Green Book, a souvenir of the TV show.The selection for his best-of pretty much made itself. Out went the Steve Smith columns with once-topical references; out went the material from The Red Green Book that was in the voices of the other characters (he's been carrying those bums for too long) and out went very little from the perenially hilarious Cars. The resulting mass of pieces have been well-shaken into a new mix; re-edited to new levels of sharpness and hilarity, and updated so that, for example, jokes about hairstyles now feature Russell Brand and not Rod Stewart. And the perfectly competent illustrations from the previous books have been replaced by much better, incompetent ones by the author, so that the look of this book very much resembles How to Do Everything.
The Green Suit Stories
by Dwight AllenThis edition of Dwight Allen's acclaimed story collection,The Green Suit, ends with a new story, rounding out a dozen interlinked tales about a well-to-do Kentucky family called the Sackriders. The stories cover a period of forty years, from the Vietnam War to the Age of Foreclosure. Chief among the Sackriders is Peter, son of a judge and a vitamin-pill-popping mother, brother to a sister whose troubles with boys take her far from Kentucky. He is a writer perhaps more in love with women (and, intermittently, men) than he is with words, whose eagerness to be loved leads him into alarming circumstances. He is a man with a yearning for transcendence and a penchant for betrayal. The new story finds Sackrider in his mid-fifties, married for a second time, the father of a small child, and all tangled up with his next-door neighbor, an artist who likes to use the corpses of animals in his collages.
The Grerks at No. 55: Book 1 (Nelly the Monster Sitter #1)
by Kes GrayNelly isn't scared of monsters. In fact, she babysits for them. From the bestselling author of the OI FROG! and DAISY books comes this hilarious, action-packed series for fans of THE BOLDS and BARRY LOSER.'If monsters are real, how come I've never seen one?''Because they never go out.''Why don't monsters ever go out?''Because they can never get a babysitter.'Ever played catch with a six-legged Gog, or made pancakes with an oozy orange Squurm? Every time Nelly rings on a new monster family's doorbell she's up for a new challenge. Come on her monster-sitting adventures in this laugh-out-loud funny first book in the NELLY THE MONSTER SITTER series. Kes Gray is one of the Independent's top ten children's authors, and winner of the Red House Children's Book Award.This story now comes with brand-new illustrations; it was previously published in a collection entitled: Grerks, Squurms & Water Greeps.
The Grerks: Book 1 (Nelly the Monster Sitter #1)
by Kes GrayEver played fetch with a four-eyed Grerk or made pancakes with a giant orange squurm? Nelly isn't scared of monsters. In fact she babysits for them. Every night, Nelly the monster sitter looks after a new friend, but its never easy...Glug, the baby Grerk, has four eyes instead of two, two tongues instead of one and six legs instead of two...so giving him a bath is going to be six times the challenge.
The Grilled Cheese Madonna and 99 Other of the Weirdest, Wackiest, Most Famous eBay Auctions Ever
by Christopher CihlarFor sale: The state of West Virginia Britney Spears's Pregnancy Test A Spare Kidney Bob Dylan's Childhood Home The World's Longest French Fry Black Betsy The Meaning of Life There is only one place you can get all of these under one roof. In addition to being one of the world's largest retailers, eBay is also home of some of the most notorious, creative, and just plain weird items to ever hit the virtual auction block. This comic celebration of the spirit of free enterprise brings together the full stories of one hundred of the most hilarious eBay auctions ever. From the "Ghost in a Jar" auction that recorded more than a million page views, to the woman who auctioned off her virginity before eBay shut her page down, to the saintly grilled cheese sandwich said to portray the face of the Virgin Mary and contain special powers, to the man who modeled his ex-wife's wedding dress, sold it for more than three times its original purchase price, and received several marriage proposals to boot, this book chronicles the listings that have made the site such an integral--and entertaining--part of our culture. The Grilled Cheese Madonnais a salute to capitalism in its most ridiculous form.
The Grim Grotto: The Grim Grotto Listening Center (A Series of Unfortunate Events #11)
by Lemony Snicket Brett Helquist Michael Kupperman<P>Warning: Your day will become very dark - and possibly damp - if you read this book. <P> Plan to spend this spring in hiding. Lemony Snicket is back with the eleventh book in his New York Times bestselling A Series of Unfortunate Events. <P> Lemony Snicket's saga about the charming, intelligent and grossly unlucky Baudelaire orphans continues to provoke suspicion and despair in readers the world over. <P>In the eleventh and most alarming volume yet in the bestselling phenomenon A Series of Unfortunate Events, the intrepid siblings delve further into the dark mystery surrounding the death of their parents and the baffling VFD organisation.
The Grim Pig
by Charles GordonModern management has come toThe World Beacon. This means that a new editor, Fred Morgan, has been sent to inspire everyone to get out and write newspaper stories that will matter to their readers, stories about their lives, their children, their careers – and cloth. Cloth? Clearly, the new editor is making some unusual plans and Parker MacVeigh, our hero, senses an opportunity. Parker – divorced, 40-ish – is ready for serious career advancement. When his stories about cloth get him into Fred’s good graces, and a local professor reveals that there are Saturnians among us, wreaking havoc, Fred puts him in charge of the top-secret Saturnian task-force. How Parker befriends the professor and turns his staff of Tony Fruscilla (hard-nosed young reporter) and Juanita Eldridge (soft-nosed Ivy League graduate) onto a real story is the stuff of – well, of newspaper satire. For Uncle Bob, the legendary American evangelist and fishing trophy winner is coming to town, and the Chamber of Commerce expects millions of dollars to flow in as a result. The newspaper cast in this novel ranges from a man with a genius for creating the dullest headlines in the world to a freelancer who writes the stamp column under “M. U. Cilage. ” Then there’s Shirley Davis, Business Editor in her University of Manitoba sweater, Orville and Smokey, the old guys from type-setting, and, of course, the Russian immigrant cartoonist who keeps trying to slip in his cartoon of the Grim Pig, a confused combination of a pig and the grim reaper. This is delightful satire in the tradition of William Weintraub’sWhy Rock the Boat'and Evelyn Waugh’sScoop, and any similarity between this novel and a newspaper in a box near you is purely coincidental. From the Hardcover edition.
The Grimm Legacy
by Polly ShulmanElizabeth has just started working as a page at the New York Circulating Material Repository - a lending library of objects, contemporary and historical, common and obscure. And secret, too - for in the repository's basement lies the Grimm Collection, a room of magical items straight from the Grimm Brother's fairy tales. But the magic mirrors and seven-league boots and other items are starting to disappear. And before she knows it, she and her fellow pages - handsome Marc, perfect Anjali, and brooding Aaron - are suddenly caught up in an exciting, and dangerous, magical adventure.
The Grimoire Grammar School Parent Teacher Association
by Caitlin RozakisFrom the NYT-bestselling author of Dreadful, Big Little Lies goes to magic school, cozy fantasy perfect for fans of T. Kingfisher, Olivia Atwater and Heather Fawcett. Featuring orange sprayed and stencilled edges, with magic symbols, unicorns and baked goods from the book. Two parents and their recently-bitten-werewolf daughter try to fit into a privileged New England society of magic aristocracy. But deadly terrors await them – ancient prophecies, remorseless magical trials, hidden conspiracies and the PTA bake sale.When Vivian&’s kindergartner, Aria, gets bitten by a werewolf, she is rapidly inducted into the hidden community of magical schools. Reeling from their sudden move, Vivian finds herself having to pick the right sacrificial dagger for Aria, keep stocked up on chew toys, and play PTA politics with sirens and chthonic nymphs and people who literally can set her hair on fire. As Vivian careens from hellhounds in the school corridors to demons at the talent show, she races to keep up with all the arcane secrets of her new society—shops only accessible by magic portal, the brutal Trials to enter high school, and the eternal inferno that is the parents&’ WhatsApp group. And looming over everything is a prophecy of doom that sounds suspiciously like it&’s about Aria. Vivian might be facing the end of days, just as soon as she can get her daughter dressed and out of the door…
The Grinny Granny Donkey (Wonky Donkey And Friends Ser.)
by Craig SmithFrom the internationally bestselling creators of The Wonky Donkey comes a third member of the family!There was a sweet donkey who lived on the heath.She was so funny with her false teeth...Hee Haw!Another sequel to the laugh-out-loud viral sensation, The Wonky Donkey, is here! This time, readers will meet Dinky Donkey's grandma: a grinny granky plunky-plinky swanky clinky-clanky zonky dunky-drinky clunky donkey!Brought to life by Craig Smith's signature playful verses and Katz Cowley's charming illustrations, The Grinny Granny Donkey is just as much fun as her offspring.
The Gripes Of Wrath: This book is guaranteed to make your blood boil
by Simon CarrTHE GRIPES OF WRATH is guaranteed to make you laugh - and also make your blood boil! This mind-blowing collection of absurd and yet completely true stories, rules, claims, and crazy legislation portrays the Britain that we have become, almost without realizing it. Political columnist Simon Carr has scoured national and local newspapers, Hansard parliamentary reports, the minutes of parliamentary committee meetings, statements from quangos and local councils to compile hundreds of true stories, anecdotes and events that will prompt the scandalized response of: 'I don't believe it!'. From political sleaze to massaged waiting lists, from barmy health and safety concerns to bizarre compensation claims, everyone who believes in justice, decency, fair play and common sense will find something in this attractively produced book to infuriate them.
The Groo Kingdom
by Mark Evanier Sergio AragonesGroo the Barbarian has witnessed countless horrors, but can even he face the abomination that is ? his grandmother?! That's right! In this, the latest collection of stories from Groo's past, you will meet the matriarch of the Groo household. And if that weren't enough, then brace yourself for the wedding of Groo. It's sure to be the social event of the season! All the silliness you can stand brought to you by the Eisner Award-winning duo of Sergio Aragonés and Mark Evanier.
The Groom Wanted Seconds
by Shirley JumpWhat would you do to get back the love of your life?Nothing like a little breakup to remind a man why he loves a woman and what an idiot he's been. After a clunky marriage proposal, Rebecca Wilson breaks up with Jeremy Hamilton, an engineer lacking a romance chromosome. She goes away for the summer and thinks she has found true love. When she returns with a broken heart, Jeremy seizes the opportunity to convince her to give him a second chance. But it isn't until he brings out his wild and fun side that Jeremy sees a dim flicker of hope for a future with Rebecca. His determination drives Rebecca to break into her secret cookie stash, hoping Thin Mints can make her forget Mr. Wrong. She's already been burned twice before--is she ready to take a second chance on love? *Special bonus material: Recipes written by the characters inside!*
The Groom Who (Almost) Got Away: A 2-in-1 Collection
by Carla NeggersUNCOMPROMISING COWBOYMax Slade has no time for regrets. Until the biggest regret of his life shows up in Wyoming. Four years ago, Max left Calley Hastings without a word of explanation. He’d tried to write, but how do you tell a thoroughly urban woman that you’re moving to a ranch to take care of three orphaned little boys? No, Calley didn’t belong on the ranch or in his life—then or now.Calley thought she was coming to Wyoming to visit a pen pal, but it turns out she’s been writing to Max’s matchmaking brothers! Well, there was no way she and Max would ever reconcile. She doesn’t know how to ride a horse, and more important, how could she love someone who’d found it so easy to walk away from her? And yet, how can she crush the hope of the boys who just want to see Max happy again?BONUS BOOK INCLUDED IN THIS VOLUME!The Texas Rancher’s Marriage by Cathy Gillen ThackerFew people in Laramie, Texas, know that Merri Duncan is actually the biological mother of her late sister’s twins. Even fewer know that Chase Armstrong is their biological father. It’s even news to Chase…
The Grossest Joke Book Ever Written... Only Grosser!: 1,000 Jokes that Are Sooooo Gross
by Brian BooneYou'll laugh so hard you'll puke!Step right up and enjoy a hilarious compendium of giggles and guffaws! The Grossest Joke Book Ever Written . . . Only Grosser! is a fresh pile of hilarity that will delight any jokester and disgust all your friends and unlucky strangers. With hundreds of yucky knock-knocks and fart jokes galore, this book will be sure to ruin any polite setting, such as teatime, quiet time, or time-out. Complete with eye-popping illustrations that are gross (but not too gross), this heap of rude-ish humor and goofy gags will delight readers everywhere!- LOL about boogers, wedgies, poop, and air biscuits - Become the best comedian around with hilarious one-liners, riddles, and quips- Enjoy silly family-friendly illustrations for endless laughs
The Grossest Joke Book Ever!
by Bathroom Readers' InstituteJokes and riddles guaranteed to make you gag!Soon to be banned everywhere from Boston to the dinner table, this little book has a double helping of EEW-inducing fun. With more than 500 knock-knock jokes, one-liners, riddles, and puns to choose from, kids can always find the wrong joke…for the right occasion. How do you make a tissue dance?Put a little boogie in it. What’s brown and sticky?A stick. What was Beethoven doing in his grave?Decomposing. Do zombies eat candy with their fingers?No, they eat the fingers separately.
The Grossest, Craziest Would You Rather Questions: 160 Seriously Silly Questions for Kids
by Hannah DeurlooWOULD YOU RATHER....Have ants in your pants OR slugs in your shoes? Use a toilet seat made of pinecones OR toilet paper made of bologna?Get gross, crazy, and silly with this hilarious book of would-you-rather questions that will have the whole family laughing, groaning, and stretching their imaginations. And bring the fun to any sleepover, road trip, or game night as you consider impossible questions about stinky foods and creepy crawlies and decide which is worse!Tons of fun—Find 160 outrageous questions that are just the right level of gross and funny to delight kids ages 6 to 9.Write your own—Take a crack at crafting your own wacky questions with fill-in-the-blank options at the back of the book.On the go—This compact (and screen-free!) book is easy to pull out and pass around at a backyard BBQ, a beach vacation, or anywhere you are!Get The Grossest, Craziest Would You Rather Questions and find out once and for all if you'd rather take a bath in a tub full of tadpoles OR shower with an octopus. Your answer might surprise you. HANNAH DEURLOO is a writer who loves adventure and would rather dig up worms than do the dishes. In fact, you can often find her in nature when she's not working. To learn more, visit her blog at questtype.com.
The Grouchy Neighbor (Fountas & Pinnell LLI Red #Level J)
by Jim LoganIn Trouble Again! Rufus has been in trouble before. But this time it's really bad! And here comes the grouchy neighbor.
The Groves of Academe: A Novel (Transaction Large Print Ser. #290)
by Mary McCarthyA college instructor embarks on a fanatical quest to save his job—and enact righteous revenge—in this brilliantly acerbic satire of university politics during the early Cold War yearsHenry Mulcahy&’s future is in question. An instructor of literature at Jocelyn College, an institute of higher learning renowned for its progressive approach to education, he has just received word that he will not be teaching next semester. He strongly suspects that his dismissal has been engineered by his nemesis, the college president, who Henry believes resents his superior skills as an educator. Or perhaps he is being targeted by the government in this Cold War era, now that Senator Joseph McCarthy&’s communist witch hunt is in full swing, especially since Henry&’s dedication to independent thinking is, he believes, renowned. Whatever the case, Henry Mulcahy wants justice—and vengeance—and he will not go quietly without a fight. But the battle might expose too much of Henry&’s true nature . . .Witty and biting, Mary McCarthy&’s The Groves of Academe is a deliciously pointed satire of the world of higher education and its petty despots, tiny wars, and internal politics.This ebook features an illustrated biography of Mary McCarthy including rare images from the author&’s estate.
The Growing Pains of Adrian Mole (The Adrian Mole Series #2)
by Sue Townsend&“Townsend&’s wit is razor sharp&” as her self-proclaimed intellectual adolescent hero continues his hilarious angst-filled secret diary (TheMirror). I can&’t wait until I am fully mature and can make urban conversation with intellectuals. Growing up among inferiors in Great Britain isn&’t easy for a sensitive fifteen-year-old &“poet of the Midlands&” like Adrian Mole, considering everything in the world is conspiring to scar him for life: His hormones are in a maelstrom; his mother is pregnant (at her age!); his girlfriend, Pandora, is in shutdown; radio stardom isn&’t panning out; he&’s become allergic to non-precious metals; and passing his exams is as dire a crisis as the Falkland Islands. From weathering a profound but shaky romance with the love of his life to negotiating his parents&’ reconciliation to writing his poetry on restroom walls (why on earth did he sign his name?), &“Adrian Mole is as engaging as ever&” (Time Out). The sequel to the beloved TheSecret Diary of Adrian Mole Aged 13¾ continues Adrian&’s chronicle of angst, which has sold more than twenty million copies worldwide, and been adapted for television and staged as a musical. Adrian Mole is truly &“a phenomenon&” (The Washington Post).
The Grrl Genius Guide to Sex (with Other People): A Self-Help Novel
by Cathryn MichonWho better to advise you on sex and relationships than a woman who has consistently failed at both? In this laugh out loud funny "self-help novel", self proclaimed genius and author Cathryn Michon provides a how not to guide for anyone tackling the daunting task of finding romance in today's world (or at the local fire station.)Chock full of instructive relationship tips-such as the Pros and "Cons" of dating a man in prison-The Grrl Genius Guide to Sex (With Other People) is hilarious and right on the money both as an instructional guide and an endearingly romantic story about a woman and her four best friends who form The Grrl Genius Club. Armed with the information from Cathryn's Wild Sexual Animal Kingdom research and her "Love is Important but Chocolate is Essential" Chocolate Fun Facts, her posse of Grrl Geniuses struggle with singlehood, married life, sexual preferences, widowhood, and friendship. Cathryn's journey veers from a "nails-on-chalkboard-scratchingly-awful" divorce and the botched kidnapping of her own dog, to pretending to be a lesbian, seeing her old lingerie sold on her old front lawn by her ex-husband's girlfriend, losing her job, and a tragic industrial accident-level bikini wax. And through everything, Cathryn searches for the answer to the most important relationship question of all: why are all the best men gay?If you've ever been tempted to have sex with another person, this is an essential read. If you've ever felt inadequate to a task or a failure at love or in any way anything less than a genius and you've sunk so low that even a new pair of cute shoes won't help, Cathryn Michon can show you the way to relationship happiness-all you have to do is learn from her very funny mistakes. However badly you think you've done anything, Cathryn has done it even worse, and reveals lessons learned in the wryly witty and devastatingly honest style that has made her the favorite of aspiring geniuses everywhere!
The Grub-and-Stakers House a Haunt (The Grub-and-Stakers #5)
by Charlotte MacLeodA widowed gardener meets a ghost from frontier times who&’s out for revenge: &“The screwball mystery is Charlotte MacLeod&’s cup of tea&” (Chicago Tribune). Zilla Trott is pouring her cat some chamomile tea when the drifter appears in her kitchen. He is grubby and crude—not at all the kind of person you&’d usually find in the pleasant town of Lobelia Falls—but something about him intrigues the aging widow. Perhaps it&’s his rugged good looks, or the way he seems to come from another time and place. Or perhaps it&’s the fact that he&’s been dead for nearly a century. When Lobelia Falls was in its rough-and-tumble frontier infancy, Hiram Jellyby was the best mule driver the town had ever seen, until an argument over a hidden cache of gold left him bleeding to death in a back alley. He returns in spectral form to secure a proper burial, and finds that in modern-day Lobelia Falls, no one knows more about turning the soil than Zilla Trott&’s gardening buddies—all members of Dittany Monk&’s fearless Grub-and-Stake Gardening and Roving Club.
The Grub-and-Stakers Move a Mountain (The Grub-and-Stakers #1)
by Charlotte MacLeodA small town gardening—and archery—club must solve a murder case and save their town from developers in the first cozy mystery featuring Dittany Henbit. Anyone growing up in Lobelia Falls is taught to learn the elegant, ancient, and occasionally deadly art of shooting with a bow and arrow. Practicing the craft, freelance secretary Dittany Henbit is strolling through the woods with her bow at her side when she meets a surveyor making surveys where he shouldn&’t. Dittany is giving him what-for when an arrow goes whizzing above her head. It is sharp enough to kill, and was not fired by accident, but Dittany wasn&’t the target. She and the surveyor find Mr. Architrave, the head of the water department, not far away—lying dead beneath the trees that he loved so much. Progress is coming to Lobelia Falls, and one resident will do anything to stop it. But in a town where every child can shoot, how can Dittany discover who drew the killer bow?
The Grub-and-Stakers Pinch a Poke (The Grub-and-Stakers #3)
by Charlotte MacLeodThe curtains almost close on an actor in this cozy gardening club mystery featuring amateur sleuth Dittany Henbit and her husband, Osbert Monk. When Jenson Thorbisher-Freep announces an amateur theatrical contest, the women in the Grub-and-Stake gardening club race to join in. They enlist Osbert Monk as their playwright—not only is he married to their club leader Dittany Monk, but he&’s famous the world over as Lex Laramie, bestselling novelist of Westerns. Taking the legend of Dangerous Dan McGrew as his inspiration, Osbert delivers a rough draft faster than the Pony Express. Now all the Grub-and-Stakers have to do is cast it. To play McGrew, Dittany picks town cad Andrew McNaster, who has recently improved his manners in an attempt to woo Osbert&’s aunt, Arethusa. The gunslinger&’s performance gets a bit too real on opening night, though, when his prop bullets are replaced with real ones, and claim the toe of a fellow thespian. Is McNaster as nice as he pretends to be? Or has he taken his part too close to heart, and decided to become very dangerous indeed?
The Grub-and-Stakers Quilt a Bee (The Grub-and-Stakers #2)
by Charlotte MacLeodWhen the seeds of a mystery are planted, gardening club member Dittany Henbit digs up clues in the cozy series from the international bestselling author. The Grub-and-Stakers gardening club has traditionally limited its activities to serving tea and gossiping about wildflowers, but when water department supervisor John Architrave is found murdered in the woods, club member Dittany Henbit turns to solving mysteries. After Architrave&’s will reveals that he bequeathed his ramshackle old house to the Grub-and-Stakers, with instructions for it to be turned into a museum, Dittany resigns herself to weeks of cleaning out the mansion and sorting through donated town &“artifacts.&” The task turns interesting, however, the minute bodies start falling from the sky. The new curator is airing out the house&’s attic when he takes his tumble off the roof. So unlikely is it that he would fall out the tiny attic window, that Dittany has no choice but to attempt to add one captured killer to the young museum&’s permanent collection.