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The Time of New Weather: A Novel
by Sean MurphyTHE TIME OF NEW WEATHER IS AT HAND-AND IT'S NOT A PRETTY SIGHT.In this exhilarating adventure of absurdist wit, rollicking revolution and romance, the future isn't what it used to be and the past won't leave us alone. Bringing to mind1984 and Brave New World-but with his own twist of gleeful humor-award-winning author Sean Murphy presents a vision of an America gone off the rails: an America where it literally rains cats and dogs, where a hubcap ranch is now a National Preservation Site, where a horde of circus folk and Elvis fans are on the rampage-and where some rather suspicious things are going on with time and gravity.Into this world is born Buddy Le Blanc, a young boy with a special gift: the ability to perform tiny miracles. Nothing big, like raising the dead or curing the sick-more like an uncanny knack for finding spare change. He longs to find a way to make a difference; but in a world where time and gravity storms can spring up at a moment's notice (sending your belongings hurtling through the roof, or off to the Renaissance) and big business has gobbled up the U. S. government (now renamed The America Corporation), it's hard to get your foot in the door.But when Buddy joins up with a cast of fellow seekers-renegade circus freaks, ragtag revolutionaries, a woman in search of her hat, and a particularly gorgeous journalist-in the hope of waking America up from its dream, the fate of the country may just end up in his not-so-capable hands....
The Time of Our Lives: 'Funny, sexy and moving - a hilarious holiday romp with a heart. I loved it' SOPHIE KINSELLA
by Jane CostelloImogen is going on an expenses-paid holiday with her best friends. What could possibly go wrong? Imogen isn&’t used to five-star hotels. She&’s used to juggling the pressures of her job with raising a four-year-old single-handedly and trying to keep smiling throughout. So, when her friend wins a VIP trip to Barcelona&’s most fashionable new hotel, it&’s her chance to finally relax. But Imogen knows better than most that life doesn&’t always go according to plan and things start to go awry before they&’ve even set foot on the plane. The big question is: what is really motivating the mysterious, handsome man who&’s always in the right place at the wrong time?'Funny, sexy and moving - a hilarious holiday romp with a heart. I loved it' SOPHIE KINSELLA
The Times Machine!: Learn Multiplication and Division. . . Like, Yesterday!
by Danica McKellarLearn at home with help from The Wonder Years/Hallmark actress, math whiz, and New York Times bestselling author Danica McKellar using her acclaimed McKellar Math books! A revolutionary and FUN way for 2nd to 5th graders to memorize multiplication facts outside of the classroom is finally here!Join Mr. Mouse and Ms. Squirrel and experience an entirely new way of memorizing multiplication facts. Using colorful stories, silly rhymes, and more, Danica McKellar helps to break down the rules of multiplication and to translate many of the (often confusing!) multiplication and division methods taught in today's classrooms. This lively "times" travel adventure is a lifesaver for frustrated kids and parents everywhere and a great way to "zero out" worries about homework and tests. If Mr. Mouse can learn to have fun with math, anyone can!
The Tin Angel
by Ron GoulartStart with some medical transplants, add a dash of cybernetic engineering, and a talking dog can be a commonplace. But, Bowser was no commonplace--he was the top rated star of 1999's television--comedian, commentator, actor and temperamental headache of his media masters. But, he was still a dog--man's best friend to the vast gaping audience of watchers, and a cur, mutt and a son of a five letter word to Bert Schenley, his agent and guardian. So, when Bert got two assignments at once, both taking him and Bowser to the battle front in Lower California, where the various guerillas and rebels were making news, history and hysterics, it was the climax. Bowser was determined to keep on grabbing the headlines. Bert was determined to keep a grip on his own life, and the rest were equally set on blotting both out. But don't worry, it is all in good fun (at least the satirical good fun style of Ron Goulart) and has the required Hollywood ending.
The Tinkerbell Hilton Diaries: My Life Tailing Paris Hilton
by Tinkerbell Hilton D. ResinParis Hilton's dog, Tinkerbell, gives the inside scoop about her owner--and gets downright catty--in this outrageous and hilarious parody.
The Tiny Chef: and da mishing weshipee blook
by Adam Reid Rachel Larsen Ozlem AkturkThe Tiny Chef, a small herbivore with an enormous heart, goes on a quest to find his missing recipe book in this irresistible debut picture book from the creators of @TheTinyChefShow.Our debut picture book adventure finds the Tiny Chef at home in his kitchen on a beautiful day, but not all is well inside the Chef's stump. He's misplaced his favorite recipe book--the one he uses to cook all of his best dishes, like his famous stew, which he always makes on the first day of fall, and that day is here! What is the Chef to do! He practically tears apart his house looking for it. He gets so frustrated he throws a tantrum. But then he does what we all have to do sometimes when we're upset. He counts to ten. He goes for a nice long walk. And that's when inspiration strikes! A little rosemary, some mushrooms, and the Chef might have a brand-new recipe after all. And that's when his recipe book finally appears. Right where he left it--now isn't that weird?
The Tiny Chef: and da nighttime bladventure
by Adam Reid Rachel Larsen Ozlem AkturkThe Tiny Chef, a small herbivore with an enormous heart, goes on a quest to find his missing recipe book in this irresistible debut picture book from the creators of @TheTinyChefShow.Our debut picture book adventure finds the Tiny Chef at home in his kitchen on a beautiful day, but not all is well inside the Chef's stump. He's misplaced his favorite recipe book--the one he uses to cook all of his best dishes, like his famous stew, which he always makes on the first day of fall, and that day is here! What is the Chef to do! He practically tears apart his house looking for it. He gets so frustrated he throws a tantrum. But then he does what we all have to do sometimes when we're upset. He counts to ten. He goes for a nice long walk. And that's when inspiration strikes! A little rosemary, some mushrooms, and the Chef might have a brand-new recipe after all. And that's when his recipe book finally appears. Right where he left it--now isn't that weird?
The Tiny Hero of Ferny Creek Library
by Linda Bailey Victoria JamiesonEddie, a passionate reader and a shiny green bug, saves the school library in this funny, heartwarming tale that fans of Flora & Ulysses and Charlotte’s Web will love. Includes black-and-white illustrations throughout from Newbery Honor Medalist and New York Times-bestselling author-artist Victoria Jamieson.Eddie is a tiny green bug who loves to read and who lives behind the chalkboard in the fourth-grade classroom with his parents, his 53 brothers and sisters, and his aunt Min. But when Aunt Min goes to the school library to read a book and never returns, Eddie leaves the comfort of his home for the first time and makes the dangerous trek through Ferny Creek Elementary School to find her. After dodging running sneakers, falling books, and terrifying spiders, Eddie reaches the library, where he discovers Aunt Min stuck in a perilous situation! To top it all off, there’s a substitute librarian who aims to close the library for good and get rid of all the books!Encouraged by the brave deeds done by small creatures such as Stuart Little and Charlotte from Charlotte’s Web, Eddie comes up with a plan to save the library—a plan that requires all the courage one little bug can muster.A great read-aloud and read-alone, this action-packed short novel includes references to classic children’s literature throughout and is perfect for fans of Chris Grabenstein’s Escape from Mr. Lemoncello’s Library and Lynne Rae Perkins’s Nuts to You. Featuring extensive black-and-white art from Newbery Honor Medalist and New York Times-bestselling author-artist Victoria Jamieson.
The Titanic Awards
by Doug LanskyRead Doug Lansky's posts on the Penguin Blog. "In a nutshell, the Titanic Awards are the Darwin Awards for travel- only nobody dies. " -Los Angeles Times Everyone who's ever checked (and lost) their luggage or discovered that their hotel misplaced their reservation knows there are few perfect vacations. The Titanic Awards takes a different approach to these often spectacular travel underachievements: celebrating them. From worst airport layout to most confusing subway system to the most overrated tourist attraction, Lansky looks at these flawed travel destinations with a gimlet eye and a sense of the absurd. .
The Tithonian Factor
by Richard CowperThe Tithonian Factor takes us into the 22nd century and introduces the sempiterns, people who a hundred years or more earlier have taken a drug which confers a kind of immortality, but at an unexpected price.
The To-Do List
by Mike GayleWould a proper adult ignore the spilt milk under the fridge for weeks?Would a proper adult take three years to post a solitary Christmas card?Would a proper adult have decades-old underwear in active service?Mike Gayle is nowhere near being a proper adult - even though his tenth wedding anniversary is looming; his second child is due any moment; and in less than twenty-four hours he is going to be officially closer to forty than he is to thirty. Appalled by this lack of maturity, Mike draws up a To-Do list containing every single item he's been meaning to do but just keeps putting off... He's got a lot of stuff that needs doing. But unlike previous To-Do lists, he promises himself that this one will actually get DONE. And along the way, Mike will learn stuff about life (323), love (999), friends (1004) and family (9) and finally work out what it means to be a grown up (846).
The To-Do List
by Mike GayleWould a proper adult ignore the spilt milk under the fridge for weeks?Would a proper adult take three years to post a solitary Christmas card?Would a proper adult have decades-old underwear in active service?Mike Gayle is nowhere near being a proper adult - even though his tenth wedding anniversary is looming; his second child is due any moment; and in less than twenty-four hours he is going to be officially closer to forty than he is to thirty. Appalled by this lack of maturity, Mike draws up a To-Do list containing every single item he's been meaning to do but just keeps putting off... He's got a lot of stuff that needs doing. But unlike previous To-Do lists, he promises himself that this one will actually get DONE. And along the way, Mike will learn stuff about life (323), love (999), friends (1004) and family (9) and finally work out what it means to be a grown up (846).
The Toad: The Disgusting Critters Series (Disgusting Critters)
by Elise GravelShe's good for the environment... and she's disgusting!Distinctive trait: WartsFood preference: Bugs and wormsSpecial talent: Eating her own skinDisgusting? Yes, but fun, too!The Toad is the next installment of the Disgusting Critter series. Hilarious illustrated non-fiction about toads perfect for beginning readers. Although silly and off-the-wall, The Toad contains factual information that will both amuse and teach at the same time.
The Todd Glass Situation: A Bunch of Lies about My Personal Life and a Bunch of True Stories about My 30-Year Career in Stand-Up Comedy
by Jonathan Grotenstein Todd GlassA hilarious, poignant memoir from comedian Todd Glass about his decision at age forty-eight to finally live openly as a gay man—and the reactions and support from his comedy pals, from Louis CK to Sarah Silverman.<P> Growing up in a Philadelphia suburb in the 1970s was an easy life. Well, easy as long as you didn’t have dyslexia or ADD, or were a Jew. And once you added gay into the mix, life became more difficult. So Todd Glass decided to hide the gay part, no matter how comic, tragic, or comically tragic the results.<P> It might have been a lot easier had he chosen a profession other than stand-up comedy. By age eighteen, Todd was opening for big musical acts like George Jones and Patti LaBelle. His career carried him through the Los Angeles comedy heyday in the 1980s, its decline in the 1990s, and its rebirth via the alternative comedy scene and the explosion in podcasting. But the harder he worked at his craft, the more difficult it became to manage his “situation.” There were the years of abstinence and half-hearted attempts to “cure” himself. The fake girlfriends so that he could tell relationship jokes onstage. The staged sexual encounters to burnish his reputation offstage. It took a brush with death to cause him to rethink the way he was living his life; a rash of suicides among gay teens to convince him that it was finally time to come out to the world.<P> Now, Todd has written an open, honest, and hilarious memoir in an effort to help everyone—young and old, gay and straight—breathe a little more freely. Peppered with anecdotes from his life among comedy’s greatest headliners and tales of the occasionally insane lengths Todd went through to keep a secret that—let’s face it—he probably didn’t have to keep for as long as he did, The Todd Glass Situation is a front-row seat to the last thirty plus years of comedy history and a deeply personal story about one man’s search for acceptance.
The Toddler Owner's Manual: Operating Instructions, Troubleshooting Tips, and Advice on System Maintenance (Owner's and Instruction Manual)
by Joe Borgenicht Paul Kepple Jude Buffum Brett KuhnAt Last! A Beginner's Guide to Toddler Technology Just when you've mastered your infant's maintenance routine, he begins to malfunction, refusing fuel, crying inexplicably, and resisting your attempts to clothe him. Your infant has upgraded to a toddler! But how can you master your toddler's changing technology? Through step-by-step instructions and helpful schematic diagrams, The Toddler Owner's Manual explores hundreds of frequently asked questions: How should I react when my toddler throws a tantrum? How do I train my toddler for self-waste disposal? Whatever your concerns, you'll find the answers here--courtesy of pediatric psychologist Dr. Brett R. Kuhn and co-author Joe Borgenicht. Together, they provide plenty of useful advice for anyone who wants to learn the basics of toddler care.
The Toddler Survival Guide: Complete Protection from the Whiny Unfed
by Mike Spohr Heather SpohrGet the baby gates, lock the cupboards, and load up Elmo's Song, toddlers are on the loose. The Toddler Survival Guide is here to get you to the other side. Toddlers and zombies both communicate mainly through groans, clumsily trail after you everywhere you go (especially into the bathroom in the toddler's case), and--upon entering your life--leave you frazzled, on edge, and deeply sleep deprived.The Toddler Survival Guide is a hilarious parody of Max Brooks's The Zombie Survival Guide (and survival guides in general) that will leave parents laughing out loud even as it provides practical advice on how they can make it to the other side of toddlerhood intact. Written by parents who have studied toddlers up-close in their natural habitat, the book will cover survival skills including how you can outfit your home to outlast a toddler occupation (baby gate, cabinet locks, wine), how you can subdue an angry toddler ("Elmo's Song," mac and cheese, smartphone) and even how you can safely venture out in public together without your toddler--or you--bursting into tears.Chapters include: Preparing the Home for a Toddler Invasion, Communicating with Your Toddler, Feeding a Toddler, Socializing Your Toddler, Grooming Your Toddler, Venturing into Public with a Toddler, Documenting Your Life with a Toddler, Vacationing with a Toddler, Toddler Entertainment and Birthdays, Surviving Bedtime and Potty Training, Technology and the Toddler, and Parental Self-Preservation.
The Toilet Of Doom
by Michael Lawrence'Feel that your life has gone down the pan? Well here's your chance to swap it for a better one!' When these tempting words appear on the computer screen, Jiggy McCue just can't resist. He hits 'F for Flush' and...Oh dear. He really shouldn't have done that. Because the life he gets in place of his own is a very embarrassing one - for a boy.
The Toilet Of Doom (Jiggy McCue #3)
by Michael Lawrence'Feel that your life has gone down the pan? Well here's your chance to swap it for a better one!' When these tempting words appear on the computer screen, Jiggy McCue just can't resist. He hits 'F for Flush' and...Oh dear. He really shouldn't have done that. Because the life he gets in place of his own is a very embarrassing one - for a boy.
The Toilet Of Doom (Jiggy McCue #3)
by Michael Lawrence"Feel that your life has gone down the pan? Well here's your chance to swap it for a better one!" When these tempting words appear on the computer screen, Jiggy McCue just can't resist. He hits 'F for Flush' and...Oh dear. He really shouldn't have done that. Because the life he gets in place of his own is a very embarrassing one - for a boy. Another loo-ny adventure with The Three Musketeers! "Fast paced action and irrverent humour...Michael Lawrence has a very quirky talent, given full rein here.." Publishing News Starred Choice (The Poltergoose and The Killer Underpants)(P) Orchard Books 2010
The Tom Birdseye Collection Volume Two: Tucker, Tarantula Shoes, Just Call Me Stupid, and Attack of the Mutant Underwear
by Tom BirdseyeCharacters you won’t forget in four middle-grade novels from a writer who “has captivated young readers for a quarter of a century” (CorvallisGazette-Times). From pesky little sisters to pet tarantulas, supportive friends to Tweety Bird underwear, these four middle-grade novels from Tom Birdseye have something for everyone. Tucker: Eleven-year-old Tucker Renfro likes his life with his divorced father, and enjoys fantasizing about being a Native American and hunting deer—until the nine-year-old sister he has not seen in years comes to visit and claims their mother wants them to become one family again. “Natural and honest . . . Readers will identify with the problems and the positive ending.” —Booklist Tarantula Shoes: Desperate to have the right basketball sneakers for his first day of sixth grade in a new middle school in Kentucky, Ryan O’Keefe has set his sights on the $125 Slam Dunk Sky Jumpers. All the coolest seventh graders are wearing them. His parents have given him forty dollars—but how can he put together the rest of the money before school starts? Could the answer actually have something to do with his pet tarantula, Fang? “Told in the first person, this well-written, often humorous story addresses the themes of conformity, peer pressure, and responsibility in a light, but authentic voice.” —School Library Journal Just Call Me Stupid: Traumatized by an alcoholic father who used to call him “stupid” and lock him in a closet for punishment, fifth-grader Patrick Lowe is unable to learn to read, even after his mother got a divorce and they moved to Tucson. An impatient teacher and a class bully don’t help. But a new neighbor, Celina, encourages him to try to overcome his fears. As she reads him The Sword in the Stone, she inspires Patrick to tell his own story out loud, one he might be able to read himself someday. “Lively and well plotted, with funny—as well as touching—scenes and a satisfying upbeat ending.” —Kirkus Reviews Attack of the Mutant Underwear: When his parents move to Benton, Oregon, for his fifth grade year, Cody Lee Carson is determined reinvent himself as a cool kid—especially since no one in his new school knows about the incident in fourth grade when his pants fell down during a school play and everyone saw his Tweety Bird underwear. Here is Cody’s journal of how to leave your past—and your old underwear—behind. “Lively and believable . . . A well-paced, positive, and pleasant read.” —School Library Journal
The Tome Tunnel
by Andrew HarmanKings have been known to get a bit shirty. Beheading jugglers for spilling gravy on the royal sleeve, murdering firstborn sons throughout the kingdom and so forth. Standard operational procedure. But Firkin's friend, young King Klayth? Surely not. Things Cannot Be What They Seem.Returning from their previous adventure, Firkin, Hogshead and Dawn find themselves dumped unceremoniously in the smoking wreckage of a village. Their village. Now they have to unpick the twisted stitches of Time which they caused in the first place. Unless they act quickly, the entire fabric of the Space-Tome Continuum could be at risk. Oh yes, they also have to find their friend Courgette. And their only tools are magic, blind stupidity and a sword called Exbenedict!
The Tome Tunnel (Firkin #3)
by Andrew HarmanKings have been known to get a bit shirty. Beheading jugglers for spilling gravy on the royal sleeve, murdering firstborn sons throughout the kingdom and so forth. Standard operational procedure. But Firkin's friend, young King Klayth? Surely not. Things Cannot Be What They Seem.Returning from their previous adventure, Firkin, Hogshead and Dawn find themselves dumped unceremoniously in the smoking wreckage of a village. Their village. Now they have to unpick the twisted stitches of Time which they caused in the first place. Unless they act quickly, the entire fabric of the Space-Tome Continuum could be at risk. Oh yes, they also have to find their friend Courgette. And their only tools are magic, blind stupidity and a sword called Exbenedict!
The Toot Fairy
by Mark Huffman“Sorry, Walter the Farting Dog. I think it’s fair to say that this is probably the best picture book about toots I’ve ever read.” —A Fuse #8 Production, School Library JournalWhen it’s time for Jessa the fairy to proclaim what kind of fairy she wants to be, she accidentally says “toot” instead of “tooth!” Now she’ll be in charge of finding all the toots from all the bottoms in the world. This is not exactly what she had in mind . . .Read by the author! Play on any Kindle device with color and audio support, including Kindle Fire, Kindle for PC or the Kindle app for iOS.“A good giggle. In this day and age, it’s fun to read something so . . . ‘refreshing!’” —Craig Smith, award-winning, international bestselling author of The Wonky Donkey“Wish I had thought of it first!” —Adam Rex, author/illustrator of On Account of the Gum
The Tooth Fairy vs. the Easter Bunny
by Jamie L.B. DeenihanThe Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny go head-to-head in this silly picture book perfect for anyone who's ever lost a tooth or found an Easter egg!After going head-to-head with Santa on Christmas Eve, Blue completed his mission to collect a child's lost tooth, earning him his Tooth Fairy Badge. Now that he's officially a Tooth Fairy, he's on his way to that child's house once again. But when he gets there this time, he runs into the Easter Bunny--who makes it clear that he works alone. Can Blue convince the rude rabbit to let him stay, or will he be forced to hop out in a hurry?
The Tooth Fairy's Royal Visit (Tooth Fairy #2)
by Peter BentlyThe Tooth Fairy meets the Royal Family in this hilarious rhyming sequel to The Tooth Fairy's Christmas from Roald Dahl Funny Prize winner Peter Bently and Garry Parsons, bestselling illustrator of The Dinosaur That Pooped Christmas.The prince has lost his first tooth! He's asleep in his bedroom in the palace ... but the palace is enormous! Will the Tooth Fairy ever find him? And meanwhile can she help find another set of important royal teeth that have gone missing?!Praise for The Tooth Fairy's Christmas:'Garry Parsons does the both characters proud with his swirling, atmospheric illustrations.' - Independent'Lots of fun for young children' - Angels and Urchins