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The Wrong End of the Table: A Mostly Comic Memoir of a Muslim Arab American Woman Just Trying to Fit in
by Ayser SalmanAn Immigrant Love-Hate Story of What it Means to Be American You know that feeling of being at the wrong end of the table? Like you’re at a party but all the good stuff is happening out of earshot (#FOMO)? That’s life—especially for an immigrant. What happens when a shy, awkward Arab girl with a weird name and an unfortunate propensity toward facial hair is uprooted from her comfortable (albeit fascist-regimed) homeland of Iraq and thrust into the cold, alien town of Columbus, Ohio—with its Egg McMuffins, Barbie dolls, and kids playing doctor everywhere you turned? This is Ayser Salman’s story. First comes Emigration, then Naturalization, and finally Assimilation—trying to fit in among her blonde-haired, blue-eyed counterparts, and always feeling left out. On her journey to Americanhood, Ayser sees more naked butts at pre-kindergarten daycare that she would like, breaks one of her parents’ rules (“Thou shalt not participate as an actor in the school musical where a male cast member rests his head in thy lap”), and other things good Muslim Arab girls are not supposed to do. And, after the 9/11 attacks, she experiences the isolation of being a Muslim in her own country. It takes hours of therapy, fifty-five rounds of electrolysis, and some ill-advised romantic dalliances for Ayser to grow into a modern Arab American woman who embraces her cultural differences. Part memoir and part how-not-to guide, The Wrong End of the Table is everything you wanted to know about Arabs but were afraid to ask, with chapters such as “Tattoos and Other National Security Risks,” “You Can’t Blame Everything on Your Period; Sometimes You’re Going to Be a Crazy Bitch: and Other Advice from Mom,” and even an open letter to Trump. This is the story of every American outsider on a path to find themselves in a country of beautiful diversity.
The Wrong Heaven
by Amy BonnaffonsIncluding the story "Horse," as heard on This American Life. For fans of George Saunders and Karen Russell, an "amazing, wildly inventive" collection of stories that straddles the line between the real and the fantastical. (Kevin Wilson) <P><P>In The Wrong Heaven, anything is possible: bodies can transform, inanimate objects come to life, angels appear and disappear. <P><P>Bonnaffons draws us into a delightfully strange universe, in which her conflicted characters seek to solve their sexual and spiritual dilemmas in all the wrong places. The title story's heroine reckons with grief while arguing with loquacious Jesus and Mary lawn ornaments that come to life when she plugs them in. In "Horse," we enter a world in which women transform themselves into animals through a series of medical injections. In "Alternate," a young woman convinces herself that all she needs to revive a stagnant relationship is the perfect poster of the Dalai Lama. <P><P>While some of the worlds to which Bonnaffons transports us are more recognizable than others, all of them uncover the mysteries beneath the mundane surfaces of our lives. Enormously funny, boldly inventive, and as provocative as they are deeply affecting, these stories lay bare the heart of our deepest longings.
The Wrong Marquess (The Mating Habits of Scoundrels #3)
by Vivienne LorretUSA Today bestselling author Vivienne Lorret continues the Mating Habits of Scoundrels series with a debutante who believes she is destined to marry the lord next door until a fateful encounter with a rogue makes her wonder… if she might be falling for the wrong marquess!The wrong place…Elodie Parrish can feel spinsterhood breathing down her neck. That’s the trouble with waiting for the marquess next door her entire life. But Ellie knows if she gives him one last Season, he’ll finally propose. The only problem is, her path keeps crossing with the arrogant Lord Hullworth, who is convinced she has designs on him. The wrong time…Brandon, Marquess of Hullworth, never wanted to be “London’s Most Elusive Bachelor,” or have a horde of hopeful debutantes and their scheming mamas follow him around. His past has left him too jaded to consider marrying any of them. At least, that’s what he thinks... until he meets Ellie. She’s quirky, opinionated, blushes easily, and drives him absolutely wild. The only problem is, she believes she’s in love with someone else. Ellie never imagined that one sultry summer could change everything. But the more time she spends with Brandon researching her book on the mating habits of scoundrels, the more she starts to fall for… The Wrong Marquess
The Wrong Mr. Darcy
by Evelyn Lozada Holly LorinczIn Evelyn Lozada and Holly Lorincz's lightly inspired Pride and Prejudice romantic comedy, two unlikely people discover the error of judging by first impressions and the beauty of family, friendship and love. This book will entice you through the last page.Hara Isari has big ambitions and they won’t be sidetracked by her mother’s insisting that she settle down soon. She dreams of leaving her small-town newspaper behind, as well as her felon father, and building a career as a sports writer, so when she is chosen to exclusively interview a basketball superstar, she jumps at the chance. It’s time to show the bigwigs what she’s truly made of. At the same time, she meets a rookie on the rise, Derek Darcy. Darcy is incredibly handsome, obnoxiously proud, and has a major chip on his shoulder. Hara can’t think of a man more arrogant and infuriating. However, fate keeps bringing them together—from locker rooms to elegant parties, to the storm of the century—and what begins as a clash might just be more complicated than Hara anticipated. When she begins to see Darcy in a new light, Hara is not quite sure if she should drop the ball or play the love game.
Wrong Place, (Really) Wrong Time
by Nicholas O. TimeLuis takes The Book of Memories home and things get crazy in this third zany novel, part of the all-new In Due Time series.When librarian Valerie Tremt gives student Luis Ramirez a chance to go back in time, he knows just what he wants to do. He plans to go back to 1696 and see exactly where Captain William Kidd left buried treasure, and then return to the spot and retrieve it. He'll be rich and famous! But when he returns from his time traveling adventure without any treasure, he is inconsolable. To make matters worse, his older brother Rafael doesn't believe he time traveled at all. Luis decides there's only one way to convince him. He brings The Book of Memories home to show Rafael, despite Ms. Tremt's warning that the book is never to leave the library without her permission. Luis ignores her warning--after all, it's just a book. What could possibly go wrong? Turns out--a lot. When Luis wakes up to find a Viking, Charlie Chaplin, and King Tut wandering around his house, he realizes Ms. Tremt's warning was no joke. The good news is now Rafael believes him. The bad news is that it's not going to be easy to get these historical figures back to their proper time periods, especially because none of them want to go home! Can Luis find a way to put everything--and everyone--in the right place before time runs out?
The Wrong Pong (The Wrong Pong)
by Steven ButlerThe Wrong Pong by Steven Butler is a laugh-out-loud, stinky story for 5+ girls and boys.One night, Neville Brisket wakes up from a strange dream - a dream that there is a horrible, stumpy finger stuck up his nose. Then he finds his room in a mess, and his dog in the laundry basket.Neville's investigations end sposhily, when he is whooshed down the toilet to the land of Under! In a case of mistaken troll-dentity, he finds himself part of a disgusting new family. Will anybody help Neville get back to Over, or will he be stuck eating rat patties and left sock stew forever?This hilariously delivered tale will delight and disgust parents and children alike. Perfect for fans of Roald Dahl and Horrid Henry.'Horrid Henry's favourite book!' - Francesca Simon, author of Horrid Henry 'A triumphant debut which will have children clutching the loo-seat in apprehension and laughter' - Amanda Craig, The TimesSteven Butler is an actor, dancer and trained circus performer as well as a keen observer of trolls and their disgusting habits. He has starred in Peter Pan, Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, and as Henry in Horrid Henry Live and Horrid! His primary school headmaster was fantastically funny author Jeremy Strong.
The Wrong Pong: Holiday Hullabaloo (The Wrong Pong)
by Steven ButlerHullo, My Brandyburp!Neville's Grandma Joan is the grumpiest, most horrible old woman there's ever been. He'd rather eat left-sock stew than see her, and now she's coming to stay for a WHOLE weekend. Oh dungle droppings! Even worse, a whole family of stinky, swampy trolls will be visiting Neville at the SAME TIME!Can Neville hide his friends from nosy Grandma Joan or will she get the FRIGHT of her life?
The Wrong Pong: Singin' in the Drain (The Wrong Pong)
by Steven ButlerAnother hilarious ebook from Steven Butler, author of The Wrong Pong, The Wrong Pong: Holiday Hullabaloo and The Wrong Pong: Troll's Treasure.Rubella, grotsome and moodsie troll big sister, wants to be on the stage. Can Neville help his disgustingly rambunkin troll family get Rubella squeezed into a ballet tutu and tights and into the starring role?The fourth book in Steven Butler's troll-tastic series, brilliantly illustrated by Chris Fisher, will delight and disgust parents and children alike, especially fans of Roald Dahl or Andy Stanton's Mr Gum.As well as being a successful children's author, Steven Butler is a talented actor and dancer who has appeared alongside Ralph Fiennes in a recent production of The Tempest as well as in Horrid Henry and The Wizard of Oz on the West End stage. His books are loved and praised by comic talents such as Jeremy Strong, author of The Hundred Mile an Hour Dog, and by Francesca Simon, author of Horrid Henry.
Wrong Pong: Troll's Treasure (The Wrong Pong)
by Steven ButlerNeville's adventures continue when he is faced with a band of troll pirates! As if that isn't rotsome enough, the evil troll Jaundice is back...oh dungle droppings!The third book in Steven Butler's troll-tastic series will delight and disgust parents and children alike.
The Wrong Side of Magic
by Janette Rallison"Whimsical, exciting, funny, adventurous--all the things I loved about books growing up."--James Dashner, New York Times-bestselling author of the Maze Runner seriesHudson Brown stopped believing in magic long ago. That is, until the day he is whisked away to the magical land of Logos by a curious compass given to him by his off-beat neighbor, Charlotte.Hudson discovers that Logos is a land ruled by words, thoughts, and memories. A fairy might ferry you across the river for the price of one memory. But be sure to look out for snarky unicorns, as they will see through those who are not pure of heart. Not understanding the many rules of Logos, Hudson is quickly saddled with a troll curse. Charlotte, who, along with her father, was banished from Logos, can help get rid of the curse--but only if he agrees to find the lost Princess of Logos in return.
Wry Martinis
by Christopher Buckleyn the most inebriating humor book of the year, the author of Steaming to Bamboola and The White House Mess goes straight for the funny bone with essays and mischief that includes such gems of gullibility as the pope's appearance on Oprah, O.J. Simpson's search for a new apartment, the true story behind Whitewater, and so much more. Illustrations.From the Hardcover edition.
WTF?: How to Survive 101 of Life's Worst F*#!-ing Situations
by Gregory BergmanYou order a large coffee with milk and two sugars at the drive thru, and wind up with a large black-decaf. You go to save the presentation that's taken you all week to complete-only to discover it's corrupt. Your bank slaps you with a $25 charge for overdrafting 25 cents... And all you can think is...WTF?Luckily for you, this book fills in the blanks and gives you humorous ideas for what to do when life makes them say, "what the f*#!?" Step by step, the authors take readers through inventively therapeutic, sometimes illegal, always hilarious solutions to life's many problematic situations.Whether it happens at the office or at home, out on the town or in the bedroom, life's most f*#!'ed-up situations are covered in this entertaining guide. Rather than turn lemons into lemonade, this book spits lemon juice into life's eye and gives it a good kick to the junk.
WTF?
by Gregory Bergman Anthony W. HaddadAs if your HR Department didn't have enough to worry about, WTF? is holding its own office orientation. From dealing with workplace politics and romancing coworkers to climbing the success ladder or getting canned, WTF? Work shows you how to handle the daily lows of holding down a j-o-b. Whether you're sitting in the cubes or in the corner office, working the counter or bussing the tables, WTF? provides an employee handbook that's actually worth reading. It leaves the PC stuff to the professionals and instead delivers some not-safe-for-work advice for when your job has you saying, "WTF?" For even more f*#!-ing fun, visit www. WTFComedyStop. com
WTF?
by Anthony W. Haddad Gregory BergmanYou order a large coffee with milk and two sugars at the drive thru, and wind up with a large black-decaf. You go to save the presentation that's taken you all week to complete-only to discover it's corrupt. Your bank slaps you with a $25 charge for overdrafting 25 cents... And all you can think is...WTF? Luckily for you, this book fills in the blanks and gives you humorous ideas for what to do when life makes them say, "what the f*#!?" Step by step, the authors take readers through inventively therapeutic, sometimes illegal, always hilarious solutions to life's many problematic situations. Whether it happens at the office or at home, out on the town or in the bedroom, life's most f*#!'ed-up situations are covered in this entertaining guide. Rather than turn lemons into lemonade, this book spits lemon juice into life's eye and gives it a good kick to the junk.
WTF?!: What the French
by Olivier MagnyWith Stuff Parisians Like, Olivier Magny shared his hilarious insights into the fervently held opinions of his fellow Parisians. Now he moves beyond the City of Light to skewer the many idiosyncrasies that make modern France so very unique.In France, the simple act of eating bread is an exercise in creative problem solving and attempting to spell requires a degree of masochism. But that's just how the French like it--and in WTF, Olivier Magny reveals the France only the French know. From the latest trends in baby names, to the religiously observed division of church and state, prepare yourself for an insider's look at French culture that is surprising, insightful, and chock full of bons mots. INCLUDES PHOTOGRAPHS. From the Trade Paperback edition.
WTF? America: How to Survive 101 of the Worst F*#!-ing Situations in the United States
by Gregory BergmanYou made 40 grand last year--and got to keep almost half after taxes . . . A poorly timed joke at the airport has you on the Do Not Fly list . . . It just cost you 60 bucks to fill up your 1998 Kia . . .Welcome to WTF? America: The land of the free . . . and the home of the totally f*#!ed.Whether you made the mistake of messing with (a drunk guy in a bar from) Texas or a Red Sox fan spit on your car just for having New York plates, the mighty U.S. of A. is sure to screw over everyone at some point or another. But hey, these colors don't run--and that's where Gregory Berman and Jodi Miller come in.Join the authors of the bestselling WTF? series on a state-by-state road trip through our greatly infuriating nation. Whether you're trying to figure out how to stay in shape in America's fattest state (Mississippi) or just want to dodge your town's local "smog tax," this survival guide is certain to entertain.From sea to polluted sea, it's exactly what you need when America has you screaming, "What the f*#!?"
WTF? America
by Gregory Bergman Jodi MillerYou made 40 grand last year--and got to keep almost half after taxes . . . A poorly timed joke at the airport has you on the Do Not Fly list . . . It just cost you 60 bucks to fill up your 1998 Kia . . . Welcome to WTF? America: The land of the free . . . and the home of the totally f*#!ed. Whether you made the mistake of messing with (a drunk guy in a bar from) Texas or a Red Sox fan spit on your car just for having New York plates, the mighty U.S. of A. is sure to screw over everyone at some point or another. But hey, these colors don't run--and that's where Gregory Berman and Jodi Miller come in. Join the authors of the bestselling WTF? series on a state-by-state road trip through our greatly infuriating nation. Whether you're trying to figure out how to stay in shape in America's fattest state (Mississippi) or just want to dodge your town's local "smog tax," this survival guide is certain to entertain. From sea to polluted sea, it's exactly what you need when America has you screaming, "What the f*#!?"
WTF? America
by Gregory Bergman Jodi MillerAmerica: The land of the free . . . and the home of the totally f*#!ed. Whether you made the mistake of messing with (a drunk guy in a bar from) Texas or a Red Sox fan spit on your car just for having New York plates, the mighty U. S. of A. is sure to screw over everyone at some point or another. But hey, these colors don't run--and that's where Gregory Berman and Jodi Miller come in. Join the authors of the bestselling WTF? series on a state-by-state road trip through our greatly infuriating nation. Whether you're trying to figure out how to stay in shape in America's fattest state (Mississippi) or just want to dodge your town's local "smog tax," this survival guide is certain to entertain. From sea to polluted sea, it's exactly what you need when America has you screaming, "What the f*#!?"
WTF? College: How to Survive 101 of Campus's Worst F*#!-ing Situations
by Gregory BergmanYour roommate keeps piling crap on your side of the room. It’s the day before Christmas break and your ride home ditches you. Your knee gives out and you lose your baseball scholarship. Halfway through your final semester, you realize you’re a credit short of graduating. And all you can think is . . . WTF?Like Rodney Dangerfield in Back to School, we’re heading to campus to lend a helping hand to all those college kids who can’t quite make the grade. Inside they’ll find hilarious solutions to all the obstacles that lie between them and that elusive diploma. From indecisions about major selection to problems picking up that hot classmate to cramming for finals, this book covers all the awful, awkward, and annoying instances that would have college students IMing, posting, or texting: “WTF?” Be it in the dorm room or classroom, during finals week or spring break, campus’s most f*#!-ed-up situations are handled in this entertaining step-by-step guide.
WTF? College
by Gregory Bergman Jodi MillerYour roommate keeps piling crap on your side of the room. It's the day before Christmas break and your ride home ditches you. Your knee gives out and you lose your baseball scholarship. Halfway through your final semester, you realize you're a credit short of graduating. And all you can think is . . . WTF? Like Rodney Dangerfield in Back to School, we're heading to campus to lend a helping hand to all those college kids who can't quite make the grade. Inside they'll find hilarious solutions to all the obstacles that lie between them and that elusive diploma. From indecisions about major selection to problems picking up that hot classmate to cramming for finals, this book covers all the awful, awkward, and annoying instances that would have college students IMing, posting, or texting: WTF?" Be it in the dorm room or classroom, during finals week or spring break, campus's most f*#!-ed-up situations are handled in this entertaining step-by-step guide. "
WTF? College
by Jodi Miller Gregory BergmanYour roommate keeps piling crap on your side of the room. It's the day before Christmas break and your ride home ditches you. Your knee gives out and you lose your baseball scholarship. Halfway through your final semester, you realize you're a credit short of graduating. And all you can think is . . . WTF?Like Rodney Dangerfield in Back to School, we're heading to campus to lend a helping hand to all those college kids who can't quite make the grade. Inside they'll find hilarious solutions to all the obstacles that lie between them and that elusive diploma. From indecisions about major selection to problems picking up that hot classmate to cramming for finals, this book covers all the awful, awkward, and annoying instances that would have college students IMing, posting, or texting: "WTF?" Be it in the dorm room or classroom, during finals week or spring break, campus's most f*#!-ed-up situations are handled in this entertaining step-by-step guide.
WTF, Evolution?!: A Theory of Unintelligible Design
by Mara GrunbaumWe all have our off days. Why should Evolution be any different? Maybe Evolution got carried away with an idea that was just a little too crazy—like having the Regal Horned Lizard defend itself by shooting three-foot streams of blood from its eyes. Or maybe Evolution ran out of steam (Memo to Evolution: The Irrawaddy Dolphin looks like a prototype that should have been left on the drawing board). Or maybe Evolution was feeling cheeky—a fish with hands? Joke’s on you, Red Handfish! Or maybe Evolution simply goofed up: How else to explain the overgrown teeth of the babirusas that curl backward over their face? Oops. Mara Grunbaum is a very smart, very funny science writer who celebrates the best—or, really, the worst—of Evolution’s blunders. Here are more than 100 outlandish mammals, reptiles, insects, fish, birds, and other creatures whose very existence leaves us shaking our heads and muttering WTF?! Ms. Grunbaum’s especially brilliant stroke is to personify Evolution as a well-meaning but somewhat oblivious experimenter whose conversations with a skeptical narrator are hilarious. For almost 4 billion years, Evolution has produced a nonstop parade of inflatable noses, bizarre genitalia, and seriously awkward necks. What a comedian!
WTF? Women
by Gregory BergmanYour wingman refuses to jump on a grenade.During sex, your girlfriend calls out her ex's name.Your wife went from having a sweet ass to a fat ass.And all you can think is . . . WTF?It's the one topic that pisses men off yet keeps them coming back for more--women. From hookups to breakups, this book handles the most f*#!-ed-up scenarios men face with the fairer (and far more confusing) sex. It's the perfect relationship manual for men, as it ditches the Dr. Phil advice and gives actual (if not always appropriate) assistance during the shittiest of dilemmas.Whether you're striking out or getting down, married, engaged, or can't even get past the first date--this book provides a much-deserved laugh whenever the woman in your life has you saying, "what the f*#!?"
WTF? Women: How to Survive 101 of the Worst F*#!-ing Situations with the Ladies
by Gregory BergmanYour wingman refuses to jump on a grenade.During sex, your girlfriend calls out her ex's name.Your wife went from having a sweet ass to a fat ass.And all you can think is . . . WTF?It's the one topic that pisses men off yet keeps them coming back for more--women. From hookups to breakups, this book handles the most f*#!-ed-up scenarios men face with the fairer (and far more confusing) sex. It's the perfect relationship manual for men, as it ditches the Dr. Phil advice and gives actual (if not always appropriate) assistance during the shittiest of dilemmas.Whether you're striking out or getting down, married, engaged, or can't even get past the first date--this book provides a much-deserved laugh whenever the woman in your life has you saying, "what the f*#!?"
WTF? Women: How to Survive 101 of the Worst F*#!-ing Situations with the Ladies
by Gregory Bergman Jodi MillerYour wingman refuses to jump on a grenade.During sex, your girlfriend calls out her ex's name.Your wife went from having a sweet ass to a fat ass.And all you can think is . . . WTF?It's the one topic that pisses men off yet keeps them coming back for more--women. From hookups to breakups, this book handles the most f*#!-ed-up scenarios men face with the fairer (and far more confusing) sex. It's the perfect relationship manual for men, as it ditches the Dr. Phil advice and gives actual (if not always appropriate) assistance during the shittiest of dilemmas.Whether you're striking out or getting down, married, engaged, or can't even get past the first date--this book provides a much-deserved laugh whenever the woman in your life has you saying, "what the f*#!?"