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Your Dad Stole My Rake: And Other Family Dilemmas
by Tom Papa“I have been a close friend of Tom Papa for 17 years. His lack of ability to perceive even the most basic principles of human functioning have made him an invaluable asset to me as a friend and colleague. Because he sees nothing, knows nothing and understands nothing, I always seek his advice for the most complex matters. Furthermore, I would definitely recommend whatever the name of this book is, because I know it comes from a place of pure nonsense without any knowledge of anything. He is really one of my favorite people.” —Jerry Seinfeld, author of SeinLanguage“Finally a funny book about parenting. Great observations. Great writing. Actually funny. I’ve always known Tom was hysterical, now I know he is a great writer and a fantastic storyteller. Can Tom Papa write all books?” —Jim Gaffigan, author of Dad is FatIt’s hard being a person, especially in a family, and no one knows that better than stand-up comedian, family man, and Live From Here head writer and performer, Tom Papa.How do you deal with a life filled with a whole host of characters and their bizarre, inescapable behavior? Especially when you’re related to them? Tom Papa is here to help you make sense of it all. Your Dad Stole My Rake is a hilarious and warm book that saws deep into every branch of the family tree and uncovers the most bizarre and surprisingly meaningful aspects of our lives. He exposes everyone, from crazy aunts with mustaches, grandparents who communicate by yelling, and uncles who use marijuana as a condiment. Among the topics covered: - Tiger Mom v. Ice-Cream Mom - Stop Trying to be Cool - In Defense of Family Vacations - No Fighting Before Coffee - Least Popular Baby Names - Wife Lie Detector - Your Cat Thinks You’re Too Needy Anyone who has a family, grew up in a family, or has spent time with another human being will love this book.
Your Driver Is Waiting: A Novel
by Priya GunsA BEST BOOK OF THE YEAR: Autostraddle, Shondaland, Booklist • In this electrifyingly fierce and funny social satire—inspired by the iconic 1970s film Taxi Driver—a ride share driver is barely holding it together on the hunt for love, dignity, and financial security...until she decides she's done waiting.&“What you are about to read is a call to arms. Best to prepare for a confrontation." —New York Times Book Review"A perfect gut punch of a novel…Full of love and real friendship and frustrations boiled over and the urge to burn everything down…This is a hard-hitting masterpiece.—Kristen Arnett, author of With Teeth and Mostly Dead ThingsDamani is tired. Her father just died on the job at a fast-food joint, and now she lives paycheck to paycheck in a basement, caring for her mom and driving for an app that is constantly cutting her take. The city is roiling in protests--everybody's in solidarity with somebody--but while she keeps hearing that they&’re fighting for change on behalf of people like her, she literally can&’t afford to pay attention. Then she gives a ride to Jolene (five stars, obviously). Jolene seems like she could be the perfect girlfriend--attentive, attractive, an ally--and their chemistry is off the charts. Jolene&’s done the reading, she goes to every protest, and she says all the right things. So maybe Damani can look past the one thing that's holding her back: she&’s never dated anyone with money before, not to mention a white girl with money. But just as their romance intensifies and Damani finally lets her guard down, Jolene does something unforgivable, setting off an explosive chain of events.A wild, one-sitting read brimming with dark comedy, and piercing social commentary and announcing Priya Guns's feverishly original voice, Your Driver Is Waiting is a crackling send-up of our culture of modern alienation.
Your Favorite . . . Crab Cakes!: A Crankshaft Collection (Crankshaft Collections)
by Chuck Ayers Tom BatiukHe blusters and grumbles. He rants and raves. He tries to outgun the school kids chasing after the bus on his route. But in his heart, Ed Crankshaft has a decent streak a mile wide. Patiently explaining death to his grandson Max. Comforting his friend Ralph as Ralph's wife descends into Alzheimer's. Thrusting flowers and candy at his son-in-law on a nearly forgotten wedding anniversary. The star of the hit comic strip Crankshaft is a gentle soul stuck in a cantankerous mood.With a supporting cast that includes Ed's two daughters, Chris and Pam; Pam's husband, Jeff; and their kids, Max and Mindy, Crankshaft appeals to families everywhere who steadfastly deal with intergenerational cares and conflicts. As one critic said: "Crankshaft is a witty, thoughtful commentary on the trials and tribulations of today's senior citizens." But, of course, Crankshaft is so much more. The strip's approach to Alzheimer's generated countless letters and e-mails, as did Crankshaft's near-death illness. Hilarious and clever, honest and moving, Crankshaft both keeps readers laughing at the curmudgeon's pranks and pondering life's real meaning in this collection, Your Favorite...Crab Cakes! It's a balancing act that's rarely attempted in the comics—and with Crankshaft, it works admirably.
Your Guide to Not Getting Murdered in a Quaint English Village
by Maureen Johnson Jay CooperConsidering a trip to a quaint English village? You&’ll think twice after learning about the countless murderous possibilities lurking behind the bucolic façades, thanks to this illustrated guide from #1 bestselling author Maureen Johnson and illustrator Jay Cooper—perfect for fans of cozy mysteries.A weekend roaming narrow old lanes, touring the faded glories of a country manor, and quaffing pints in the pub. How charming. That is, unless you have the misfortune of finding yourself in an English Murder Village, where danger lurks around each picturesque cobblestone corner and every sip of tea may be your last. If you insist on your travels, do yourself a favor and bring a copy of this little book. It may just keep you alive. Brought to life with dozens of Gorey-esque drawings by illustrator Jay Cooper and peppered with allusions to classic crime series and unmistakably British murder lore, Your Guide to Not Getting Murdered in a Quaint English Village gives you the tools you need to avoid the same fate, should you find yourself in a suspiciously cozy English village (or simply dream of going). Good luck! And whatever you do, avoid the vicar.
Your Inner Hedgehog: A Professor Dr von Igelfeld Entertainment (5) (Professor Dr von Igelfeld Series #5)
by Alexander McCall SmithIn the latest entertaining and hilarious Professor Dr. Dr. Moritz-Maria Von Igelfeld novel, our hopelessly out-of-touch hero is forced to confront uppity librarians, the rector of the university, and a possible hostile takeover, all while trying to remain studiously above it all.Professor Dr. Dr. Moritz-Maria von Igelfeld and his colleagues at the University of Regensburg's Institute of Romance Philology pride themselves on their unwavering commitment to intellectual excellence. They know it is their job to protect a certain civilized approach to the scholarly arts. So when a new deputy librarian, Dr. Hilda Schreiber-Ziegler, threatens to drag them all down a path of progressive inclusivity, they are determined to stop her in the name of scholarship--even if that requires von Igelfeld to make the noble sacrifice of running for Director of the Institute. Alas, politics is never easy, and in order to put his best foot forward, von Igelfeld will be required to take up a visiting fellowship at Oxford and cultivate the attentions of a rather effusive young American scholar. Still, von Igelfeld has always heeded the clarion call of duty--especially when it comes with a larger office.
Your Inner Hedgehog (Professor Dr von Igelfeld Series #5)
by Alexander McCall SmithIn the latest entertaining and hilarious Professor Dr. Dr. Moritz-Maria Von Igelfeld novel, our hopelessly out-of-touch hero is forced to confront uppity librarians, the rector of the university, and a possible hostile takeover, all while trying to remain studiously above it all. An Anchor Original.Professor Dr. Dr. Moritz-Maria von Igelfeld and his colleagues at the University of Regensburg's Institute of Romance Philology pride themselves on their unwavering commitment to intellectual excellence. They know it is their job to protect a certain civilized approach to the scholarly arts. So when a new deputy librarian, Dr. Hilda Schreiber-Ziegler, threatens to drag them all down a path of progressive inclusivity, they are determined to stop her in the name of scholarship--even if that requires von Igelfeld to make the noble sacrifice of running for director of the Institute. Alas, politics is never easy, and in order to put his best foot forward, von Igelfeld will be required to take up a visiting fellowship at Oxford and cultivate the attentions of a rather effusive young American scholar. Still, von Igelfeld has always heeded the clarion call of duty, especially when it comes with a larger office.
Your Life Is a Life of Hope!: Thoughts on Things That Make Life Worth Living
by Lord BirthdayIn Your Life Is a Life of Hope!, the Internet&’s favorite mustachioed king presents a series of short, illustrated essays in which he argues for hope by way of absurdity and transcendence by way of the mundane. In his signature childlike, dryly humorous style, Lord Birthday explores the things that make life so great, including jackets and bags and &“booping someone on the nose.&” Both strange and strangely moving, this collection will delight fans and newcomers alike.
Your Mind Makes Thoughts Like Your Butt Makes Farts
by Todd Strauss-SchulsonMost mindfulness books for kids are calm and soothing; this one is funny and gross—just what kids like! Sometimes we have nightmares, or we&’re filled with anxiety and fear. And when you&’re a kid, you don&’t always understand why or what to do about it. Your Mind Makes Thoughts Like Your Butt Makes Farts is funny and gross, but more importantly, it gives kids the big tools they need to cultivate a relationship with their mind, to become its friend and understand that they don&’t have to listen to everything it says—to realize that thoughts (like gas) will pass.
Your New Job Title Is "Accomplice": A Dilbert Book (Dilbert #40)
by Scott AdamsAs fresh a look at the inanity of office life as it brought to the comics pages when it first appeared in 1989, this 40th AMP Dilbert collection comically confirms to the working public that we all really know what's going on. Our devices might be more sophisticated, our software and apps might be more plentiful, but when it gets down to interactions between the worker bees and the clueless in-controls, discontent and sarcasm rule, as only Dilbert can proclaim.
Your Next-Door Neighbor Is a Dragon: A Guided Tour Of The Internets Strange Subcultures And Weird Realities
by Zack ParsonsFinally, a book about the Internet that takes place outside the Internet!Your Next-Door Neighbor is a Dragon leaves the bleeps and bloops behind for a series of surreal interviews and adventures with the people behind the computer screen. Something Awful's Zack Parsons risks life and sanity by meeting with people who believe they are real dragons and elves, attending a furry convention in costume, paying a visit to a white power group in Texas, talking shop with people who want to be swallowed whole, and witnessing the launching of the Ron Paul Blimp. More than a year in the making, this epic adventure is full to bursting with the jokes about wieners and poopy that made Something Awful a true Internet sensation. Have you added the book to your cart yet or do you just hate yourself that much?
Your Own Worst Enemy
by Gordon JackFor fans of Andrew Smith and Frank Portman and the movies Election and Ferris Bueller’s Day Off comes a hilarious and satirical novel about the highs and (very low) lows of the electoral process, proving that the popular vote is the one that matters most. Stacey Wynn was the clear front-runner for Lincoln High student council president. But then French-Canadian transfer student Julia Romero entered the race…and put the moves on Stacey’s best friend/campaign adviser, Brian.Stacey also didn’t count on Tony Guo, resident stoner, whose sole focus is on removing the school’s ban of his favorite chocolate milk, becoming the voice of the little guy, thanks to a freshman political “mastermind” with a blue Mohawk.Three candidates, three platforms, and a whirlwind of social media, gaffes, high school drama, and protests make for a ridiculously hilarious political circus that just may hold some poignant truth somewhere in the mix.
Your Pal Archie Vol. 1
by Dan ParentClassic-style Archie makes his return in this ALL-NEW, ALL-AGES collection from Ty Templeton and Dan Parent!Join Archie, Betty, Veronica, Jughead and all your favorite characters from Riverdale as they embark on fun-filled adventures and highschool hijinks! Fans of all ages can enjoy this new take on a classic style that's fresh and vibrant.
Your Pal Fred (Your Pal Fred #1)
by Michael RexFrom the author/illustrator of Fangbone! and Goodnight Goon comes a zany and hilarious graphic novel that shines a light on the humanity inside all of us---even if you're a robot.He's a super-nice kid in an ultra-mean world.He believes even the worst people are good inside.He'll always be there for you... even if you boot him out of your castle, pit him against a mechanical giant, put him on top of a pole in a lightning storm, and trap him in a booming dance party that lasts all night long.He's Your Pal Fred. In a brutal world far in the future where only the savage survive, a life-size toy suddenly activates. Fred was built to be a best buddy, and his relentless kindness never fades, even when everyone else is rude. Determined to make the world a better place, he has the bright idea to talk the two most powerful and battle-hungry warlords, Lord Bonkers and Papa Mayhem, into being friends. It's a mission doomed to fail, unless Fred can find a way to inspire everyone to play nice!
Your Pet Crocodile: A Book of Dos and Don'ts (Fountas & Pinnell Classroom, Guided Reading)
by Annie Howe David CatrowNIMAC-sourced textbook. Impossible Pets. People have all kinds of pets— from birds to snakes, hedgehogs, monkeys, wallabies, and even big cats. It's legal in most places, with the right license. But wild animals can't be trained, the way you can train a puppy. And it's really not fair to force them to live in a house or an apartment. So laugh at this silly story about a pet crocodile, but stick to pets who adjust well to living with humans. Many cats and dogs are looking for a good home.
Your Presidential Fantasy Dream Team
by Winston Rowntree Daniel O'BrienFans of How They Croaked: The Awful Ends of the Awfully Famous and Kid Presidents can draft their own presidential fantasy team, based on these hilarious-but-true profiles of our past leaders. What if a zombie apocalypse or a robot uprising threatened the nation and you had the power to recruit some of the nation's finest presidents to help save the day? By studying the most successful squads in history, Daniel O'Brien has identified the perfect ingredients for a victorious team. Which president would you choose for: the Brain, the Brawn, the Moral Compass, the Loose Cannon, and the Roosevelt? Choose wisely--the fate of the world is in your hands!
Your Royal Hostage: A Jemima Shore Mystery
by Antonia Fraser'We don't want to hurt her. We must remember that. All of us. She is after all innocent ... Well, isn't she?'As preparations for the royal wedding advance, a secret organisation is formulating plans that will have dangerous consequences. They need a gesture that will call attention to the rights and wrongs of those who have no voice of their own. And what better way than to target the royal bride?Meanwhile, Jemima Shore is grappling with the royal wedding in her own way - as a commentator. So she happens to be on hand when things go badly wrong...
Your Royal Hostage: A Jemima Shore Mystery (Jemima Shore)
by Lady Antonia Fraser'We don't want to hurt her. We must remember that. All of us. She is after all innocent ... Well, isn't she?'As preparations for the royal wedding advance, a secret organisation is formulating plans that will have dangerous consequences. They need a gesture that will call attention to the rights and wrongs of those who have no voice of their own. And what better way than to target the royal bride?Meanwhile, Jemima Shore is grappling with the royal wedding in her own way - as a commentator. So she happens to be on hand when things go badly wrong...
Your School Is the Best! (The Curious Cockroach)
by Maggie HutchingsThis picture book follows the story of an eager cockroach and his family who hitch a ride to school — with hilarious results. For fans of I Don't Want to Be a Frog.Everyone&’s favorite cockroach from Your Birthday Was the Best! is back, and this time he&’s going to school . . . and bringing his whole family along for the ride!From show-and-tell to arts and crafts, this little stowaway can&’t wait to try it all . . . and maybe become the new teachers' pet!Charming, hilarious and just a tiny bit disgusting, this is a school tale with a twist.
Your Sh*tty Family: Real Texts. Crazy Relatives.
by Uninspirational“A hysterical new collection of text exchanges from moms, dads, grandparents, and siblings that prove, well, relatives are shitty to one another.” —BroBibleYour Sh*tty Family contains all the hilarity, confusion, and frustration of a visit home without the expensive plane tickets, the tiny twin bed, or any of the misery of actually having to spend time with your family. This book, based on the popular Instagram account of the same name, features actual text-message conversations between various family members. Your Sh*tty Family presents screenshots of these conversations that are relatable to anyone who has ever taught their parents to text. Topics range from hilarious misunderstandings of slang, to children who over-share, to siblings who mercilessly make fun of each other, all organized into outrageous categories such as Momster, Dadvice, Group Chats, and more!
Your Story Matters: A Surprisingly Practical Guide to Writing
by Richard ScrimgerA hilarious how-to on creative writing that makes the writing process fun for aspiring middle-school authors. For fans of Writing Radar by Jack Gantos.Interested in writing but don't know how to get started?Love reading and want to know more about how stories are created?Like ridiculous tales about troublesome sisters, peanut butter and steamrollers?Look no further!Esteemed writer Richard Scrimger is here to answer all your burning questions about writing: whether about plot, character, structure, story hooks or commas. (Actually, don't ask him about commas, it's not that kind of book.)Using clever (so he thinks) analogies, (sort of) brilliant examples and funny (well . . .) anecdotes, he will give you (truly) useful tools to start you on your way as a writer. And if that's not enough, comic illustrations by D. McFadzean are the pepperoni on the writing pizza! (That will make sense once you read the book.)So come, read this book and start your writing journey!
Your Wildest Dreams, Within Reason
by Mike SacksYour Wildest Dreams, Within Reason collects Mike Sacks's unique humor pieces--craigslist ads, lesser-known tantric positions, letters to famous authors, lists, jokes, and the occasional illustration--into one handsome volume. Ever accidentally sent a mass e-mail to your office describing your Not Safe-For-Work fantasy kingdom? Or been confused about the ground rules at a cuddle party? Looking to rent an overpriced room in the Hamptons from a co-dependent sociopath with a checkered past (and a hot tub)? Good. Your Wildest Dreams, Within Reason collects Mike Sacks's unique humor pieces--Craigslist ads, lesser-known tantric positions, letters to famous authors, Shaft living in the suburbs, a classic-rock DJ suffering a nervous breakdown, the occasional list--into one handsome, convenient volume. Originally published in The New Yorker, Vanity Fair, Esquire, and McSweeney's, among other venerable publications, Sacks's writing is original and sharp, yet broadly funny. Whether it's a groom tweeting his wedding and honeymoon in real time, or a publisher offering editorial suggestions for The Diary of Anne Frank, Sacks's work tangles contemporary social satire with his absurdist sensibilities.
Your Wildest Dreams, Within Reason
by Mike SacksYour Wildest Dreams, Within Reason collects Mike Sacks's unique humor pieces--craigslist ads, lesser-known tantric positions, letters to famous authors, lists, jokes, and the occasional illustration--into one handsome volume. Ever accidentally sent a mass e-mail to your office describing your Not Safe-For-Work fantasy kingdom? Or been confused about the ground rules at a cuddle party? Looking to rent an overpriced room in the Hamptons from a co-dependent sociopath with a checkered past (and a hot tub)? Good. Your Wildest Dreams, Within Reason collects Mike Sacks's unique humor pieces--Craigslist ads, lesser-known tantric positions, letters to famous authors, Shaft living in the suburbs, a classic-rock DJ suffering a nervous breakdown, the occasional list--into one handsome, convenient volume. Originally published in The New Yorker, Vanity Fair, Esquire, and McSweeney's, among other venerable publications, Sacks's writing is original and sharp, yet broadly funny. Whether it's a groom tweeting his wedding and honeymoon in real time, or a publisher offering editorial suggestions for The Diary of Anne Frank, Sacks's work tangles contemporary social satire with his absurdist sensibilities.
Your Wildest Dreams, Within Reason
by Mike SacksYour Wildest Dreams, Within Reason collects Mike Sacks's unique humor pieces--craigslist ads, lesser-known tantric positions, letters to famous authors, lists, jokes, and the occasional illustration--into one handsome volume. Ever accidentally sent a mass e-mail to your office describing your Not Safe-For-Work fantasy kingdom? Or been confused about the ground rules at a cuddle party? Looking to rent an overpriced room in the Hamptons from a co-dependent sociopath with a checkered past (and a hot tub)? Good. Your Wildest Dreams, Within Reason collects Mike Sacks's unique humor pieces--Craigslist ads, lesser-known tantric positions, letters to famous authors, Shaft living in the suburbs, a classic-rock DJ suffering a nervous breakdown, the occasional list--into one handsome, convenient volume. Originally published in The New Yorker, Vanity Fair, Esquire, and McSweeney's, among other venerable publications, Sacks's writing is original and sharp, yet broadly funny. Whether it's a groom tweeting his wedding and honeymoon in real time, or a publisher offering editorial suggestions for The Diary of Anne Frank, Sacks's work tangles contemporary social satire with his absurdist sensibilities.
Your Wildest Dreams, Within Reason
by Mike SacksEver accidentally sent a mass email to your office describing your not-safe-for-work fantasy kingdom? Or been confused about the ground rules at a cuddle party? Looking to rent an overpriced room in the Hamptons from a codependent sociopath with a checkered past (and a hot tub)? No? Well . . . huh. Your Wildest Dreams, Within Reason collects Mike Sacks's unique humor pieces -- Craigslist ads, lesser-known tantric positions, letters to famous authors, lists, jokes, and the occasional illustration -- into one handsome volume. Originally published in The New Yorker, Vanity Fair, Esquire, and McSweeney's, among other venerable publications, Sacks' writing is original and sharp, yet broadly funny. Whether it's a groom tweeting his wedding in real time, or a publisher offering editorial suggestions for The Diary of Anne Frank, Sacks' work tangles contemporary social satire with his absurdist sensibilities.
You're a Good Friend, Capybara
by Chronicle BooksAn ode to friendship delivered by the capybara and their many animal friends!Whether they're sharing their favorite snacks, laughing along with your best jokes, or cheering you on through thick and thin, capybaras know what it means to be a good friend!This lighthearted ode to friendship is delivered by capybaras, gentle giants who are known for their calm demeanor and social friendships with other animals, from dogs and monkeys to turtles and birds. This gift book features charming photography of these cuddly creatures and their assorted animal companions, paired with sweet advice and odes to friendship, straight from nature's experts. This celebration of the capybara's community, love, and kindness towards everyone—regardless of whether they have hooves, claws, or shells—is a must-have gift for friends of all sizes.ANIMAL FRIENDSHIPS: Whether it's playing with puppies, basking with caimans, getting into mischief with monkeys, sharing a bite to eat with bunnies, or giving a ride to a butterfly, You're A Good Friend, Capybara is full of unexpectedly delightful real life photos of animals being friends.FRIENDS AROUND THE WORLD: Although they are native to South America, these lovable giant rodents have gained huge followings around the world for their photogenic friendships and chill demeanor, and can be found at many zoos and refuges globally.A GIFT FOR FRIENDS: This book is the perfect feel good present for any friend. Whether it's someone you see every day or your far away bestie, this little book is full of sweet, funny, and heartfelt reminders of what makes a good friend. Perfect for birthdays, Galentine's Day, wedding party gifts, and any occasion to say, "You're a good friend!"