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The Grass Is Always Greener Over the Septic Tank: If Life Is A Bowl Of Cherries, What Am I Doing In The Pits?, Motherhood, And The Grass Is Always Greener Over The Septic Tank
by Erma BombeckThe &“marvelously funny&” and much-loved humorist explores the perils of suburban living in this New York Times bestseller (Vogue). For years, the Bombecks have heard rumors of a magical land called Suburbia where the air is clean, the grass is trimmed, and children don&’t risk getting mugged on their walk to school. After watching their friends flee the city for subdivided utopias like Bonaparte&’s Retreat and Mortgage Mañana, Erma and her family load up their belongings and cry, &“Station wagons . . . ho!&” But life on the suburban frontier is not as perfect as they had hoped. The trees are stunted, the house is cramped, and there&’s no grass at all. But the Bombecks will make do, for they are suburbanites now—the last true pioneers! This ebook features an illustrated biography of Erma Bombeck including rare images and never-before-seen documents from the author&’s estate.
The Grass is Always Greener Over the Septic Tank
by Erma BombeckIn The Grass is Always Greener over the Septic Tank, she has written the expose of all exposes -the truth about the suburbs: where they planted trees and crabgrass came up, they planted schools and taxes came up, where they died of old age trying to merge onto the freeway, and where they finally got sex out of the schools and back into the gutter. This is their story-lonely wives having lunch with their wigs, picking fights with the pet hamster, husbands fighting for custody of the lawn and against the dread disease, car-pool crouch. Here you will meet guys and dolls like Barbie and Ken, as well as Wanda the school-bus driver, Ralph the Little League coach who played to lose, and the Ten Most Unwanted Women in the Shopping Center Parking Lot. You will read the confessions of an Officer in the Girl Scout Cookie Corps and learn what it's like to be a dieter in search of a lettuce that tastes like lasagne. In these pages it is revealed that the Suburban Orgy is a Myth, that no one will buy your child at a garage sale, that the washer repairman never comes, that desperate is sending your kids to school wearing broiler-foil, and that a septic tank does not last forever.
The Grave
by James HeneghanThirteen-year-old Tom, an unhappy foster child in Liverpool, falls into a massive open grave and is transported to Ireland in 1847, where he finds himself in the midst of the deadly potato famine.
The Grave Keepers
by Elizabeth ByrneLately, sixteen-year-old Athena Windham has been spending all her spare time in her grave.Her parents—owners of a cemetery in Upstate New York—are proud of her devoutness, but her thirteen-year-old sister, Laurel, can’t understand it. Laurel hates her own grave. It’s so boring and chilly down there. She’d rather spend her time exploring the acres and acres of state forest that surround the Windhams’ property.The Windham girls lead pretty secluded lives—their older sister died in a tragic accident the year before Laurel was born, and their parents’ protectiveness has made the family semi-infamous in their small town.As the new school year begins, the outside world comes creeping in. Athena—a professional high school loner—grapples with a newfound enemy and, even more surprising, her first best friend. And homeschooled Laurel, sheltered and shy, finds herself face-to-face with a runaway boy who’s hiding out in an abandoned grave.All the while, a ghost hangs around the Windham house and cemetery—the only grave keeper never to cross over, as far as she knows—messing with people’s graves, turning the Windhams’ lights off and on, spying on the sisters, and plotting how to keep the girls close to home and close to her . . . forever.The Grave Keepers is a unique coming-of-age story from talented debut author Elizabeth Byrne.
The Grave Robber's Apprentice
by Allan StrattonHans doesn't know who he is or where he came from. When he was a baby, he washed ashore in a wooden box and was adopted by the conniving grave robber, Knobbe the Bent. Now fate has thrown him together with Angela von Schwanenberg, a young countess fleeing for her life from the evil Archduke Arnulf and his dreaded Necromancer. Together, these friends are on a daring quest to discover Hans' true identity and to save Angela's parents from the archduke.Join Hans and Angela on their grand adventure as they ride through the depths of the great forest, sled down a mountain in a coffin, and sneak along the secret passageways of the archduke's palace. The Grave Robber's Apprentice is a world of highwaymen, hermits, and dancing bears; and of a boy separated from his family by the sea.In this world anything is possible with luck and imagination—even for a grave robber's apprentice.
The Gravedigger's Cottage
by Chris LynchFunny how much stuff you can lose when you move. The only thing you can't lose is yourself. No matter how hard you try. No matter where you go. Lost: 1 absentminded dog names Loose Lucy. 2 inseparable duet-singing finches. 1 seemingly indestructible tortoise. 1 huggable hamster (FRAGILE -- Please don't squeeze.) 1 lopsided, lop-eared rabbit. *1 sneaky little chameleon (*Not really lost. We just can't see him). 2 loving mothers. We miss them all very much. -- Walter & Sylvia P.S. Address all inquiries to W. & S. McLuckie at "The Gravedigger's Cottage".
The Gravedigger's Cottage
by Chris LynchThe move to a lovely seaside cottage unravels the McLuckie family's tight spool of emotions The McLuckie family has not been so lucky. After losing two wives, Mr. McLuckie has been left with one child from each love: ten-year-old Walter and fourteen-year-old Sylvia. He decides to move the family to a new home, a ramshackle seaside cottage called the Gravedigger's Cottage, where they can start anew. But soon Mr. McLuckie starts acting strangely, taking a leave of absence from work and becoming obsessed with fixing leaks, stockpiling canned foods, and chasing a mysterious rat. Then, Sylvia and Walter hear the rumor of the Gravedigger's Cottage: the house "chooses" its occupants. How will the McLuckies get the fresh start they so desperately need?
The Gravedigger: A Novel
by Peter GrandboisA Spanish gravedigger with the power to hear the dead struggles to keep his family together in this debut novel.In a small, whitewashed village, indistinguishable from any other in Andalusia, Juan Rodrigo is a gravedigger. The job was handed down to him by his father, as was the ability to hear the voices of the dead and to tell their stories to the living. Though the details and revelations of these accounts aren’t always well received, Juan is a respected member of the community who encourages people to understand and to forgive. But his own tolerance is tested when his young daughter, just on the brink of adulthood, falls in love with a Romani boy Juan doesn’t approve of. Incorporating aspects of magic realism, Peter Grandbois’ distinctive voice and style lures readers to an enchanting place where spirits and people coexist harmoniously.“Readers who revel in magic realism will embrace this poignant debut about a poor but honest Spaniard with a gift for communicating with the dead. . . . Reminiscent of the work of Luis Alberto Urrea and Gabriel Garcia Marquez, this luminous first offering brims with earthy humor and heart.” —Booklist, starred review“A thoroughly engaging novel, full of beauty and charm.” —Rocky Mountain News
The Great Bear: The Misewa Saga, Book Two (The Misewa Saga #2)
by David A. RobertsonIn this second book in the Narnia-inspired Indigenous middle-grade fantasy series, Eli and Morgan journey once more to Misewa, travelling back in time.Back at home after their first adventure in the Barren Grounds, Eli and Morgan each struggle with personal issues: Eli is being bullied at school, and tries to hide it from Morgan, while Morgan has to make an important decision about her birth mother. They turn to the place where they know they can learn the most, and make the journey to Misewa to visit their animal friends. This time they travel back in time and meet a young fisher that might just be their lost friend. But they discover that the village is once again in peril, and they must dig deep within themselves to find the strength to protect their beloved friends. Can they carry this strength back home to face their own challenges?
The Great Believers
by Rebecca MakkaiWINNER OF THE CARNEGIE MEDALFINALIST FOR THE PULITZER PRIZEFINALIST FOR THE NATIONAL BOOK AWARDSWINNER OF THE STONEWALL BOOK AWARD - BARBARA GITTINGS LITERATURE AWARDFINALIST FOR THE LA TIMES FICTION AWARD'Stirring, spellbinding and full of life' Téa Obreht, New York Times bestselling author of The Tiger's WifeIn 1985, Yale Tishman, the development director for an art gallery in Chicago, is about to pull off an amazing coup: bringing an extraordinary collection of 1920s paintings as a gift to the gallery. Yet as his career begins to flourish, the carnage of the AIDs epidemic grows around him. One by one, his friends are dying and after his friend Nico's funeral, he finds his partner is infected, and that he might even have the virus himself. The only person he has left is Fiona, Nico's little sister.Thirty years later, Fiona is in Paris tracking down her estranged daughter who disappeared into a cult. While staying with an old friend, a famous photographer who documented the Chicago epidemic, she finds herself finally grappling with the devastating ways the AIDS crisis affected her life and her relationship with her daughter. Yale and Fiona's stories unfold in incredibly moving and sometimes surprising ways, as both struggle to find goodness in the face of disaster.
The Great Believers
by Rebecca MakkaiPULITZER PRIZE FINALISTNATIONAL BOOK AWARD FINALISTA NEW YORK TIMES TOP 10 BOOK OF 2018LOS ANGELES TIMES BOOK PRIZE WINNERALA CARNEGIE MEDAL WINNERTHE STONEWALL BOOK AWARD WINNER Soon to Be a Major Television Event, optioned by Amy Poehler • One of the New York Times&’s 100 Best Books of the 21st Century&“A page turner . . . An absorbing and emotionally riveting story about what it&’s like to live during times of crisis.&” —The New York Times Book Review A dazzling novel of friendship and redemption in the face of tragedy and loss set in 1980s Chicago and contemporary ParisIn 1985, Yale Tishman, the development director for an art gallery in Chicago, is about to pull off an amazing coup, bringing in an extraordinary collection of 1920s paintings as a gift to the gallery. Yet as his career begins to flourish, the carnage of the AIDS epidemic grows around him. One by one, his friends are dying and after his friend Nico&’s funeral, the virus circles closer and closer to Yale himself. Soon the only person he has left is Fiona, Nico&’s little sister.Thirty years later, Fiona is in Paris tracking down her estranged daughter who disappeared into a cult. While staying with an old friend, a famous photographer who documented the Chicago crisis, she finds herself finally grappling with the devastating ways AIDS affected her life and her relationship with her daughter. The two intertwining stories take us through the heartbreak of the eighties and the chaos of the modern world, as both Yale and Fiona struggle to find goodness in the midst of disaster.Named a Best Book of 2018 by The New York Times Book Review, The Washington Post, NPR, San Francisco Chronicle, The Boston Globe, Entertainment Weekly, Buzzfeed, The Seattle Times, Bustle, Newsday, AM New York, BookPage, St. Louis Post-Dispatch, Lit Hub, Publishers Weekly, Kirkus Reviews, New York Public Library and Chicago Public Library
The Great Big One
by J. C. GeigerWith natural disasters and nuclear war threatening their small town, two twin brothers find themselves enraptured by mysterious music that could change the course of their lives.Everyone in Clade City knows their days are numbered. The Great Cascadia Earthquake will destroy their hometown and reshape the entire West Coast—if they survive long enough to see it. Nuclear war is increasingly likely. Wildfires. Or another pandemic. To Griff, the daily forecast feels partly cloudy with a chance of apocalyptic horsemen.Griff&’s brother, Leo, and the Lost Coast Preppers claim to be ready. They&’ve got a radio station. Luminous underwater monitors. A sweet bunker, and an unsettling plan for &“disaster-ready rodents.&” But Griff&’s more concerned about what he can do before the end times. He&’d like to play in a band, for one. Hopefully with Charity Simms. Her singing could make the whole world stop.When Griff, Leo, and Charity stumble upon a mysterious late-night broadcast, one song changes everything. It&’s the best band they&’ve ever heard—on a radio signal even the Preppers can&’t trace. They vow to find the music, but aren&’t prepared for where their search will take them. Or for what they&’ll risk, when survival means finding the one thing you cannot live without.
The Great British Bake Off: Get Baking For Friends And Family
by The The Bake Off TeamTHE SERIES 9 TIE-IN BOOKMore than 100 beautiful and mouth-watering sweet and savoury bakes, from Paul Hollywood, Prue Leith and all the series 8 and 9 bakers.As well as helpful hints, tips and tricks, and easy step-by-step instructions and photographs throughout. On your marks, get set, BAKE!The Great British Bake Off: Get Baking for Friends & Family will encourage and empower amateur bakers of all abilities to have a go at home, taking inspiration from The Great British Bake Off's most ambitious bakes but with simplified recipes and straightforward instructions that will enable even complete beginners to impress their nearest and dearest.From children's birthdays and charity bake sales to celebrating with a loved one or simply enjoying sweet treat over a cup of tea and a catch-up with a dear friend, Get Baking for Friends & Family is a celebration of all those shared moments: both in the joy of making and in the simple pleasure of indulging in something really delicious.What readers are saying:'Gorgeous! This is the most lovely GBBO book I've got. Photos are beautiful and I am so pleased that the instructions are shorter than previous books.''Beautiful photography and has motivated me to dust off the oven gloves immediately as well as providing a perfect companion to this year's Bake Off.''So many excellent recipes, both classic and more innovative too. I can't wait to give this as a gift this Christmas.''Heartily recommend the book to aspiring and improving bakers.''Very well written, easy to follow, and also looks great on my coffee table which is a bonus. Most importantly I want to eat all the things in the book, which is what I look for in a cookbook!''The recipes are all 5 star for me so far.'
The Great British Bake Off: Love to Bake
by The The Bake Off TeamLove to Bake is The Great British Bake Off's best collection yet - recipes to remind us that baking is the ultimate expression of thanks, togetherness, celebration and love.Pop round to a friend's with tea and sympathy in the form of Chai Crackle Cookies; have fun making Paul's Rainbow-coloured Bagels with your family; snuggle up and take comfort in Sticky Pear & Cinnamon Buns or a Pandowdy Swamp Pie; or liven up a charity cake sale with Mini Lemon & Pistachio Battenbergs or Prue's stunning Raspberry & Salted Caramel Eclairs. Impressive occasion cakes and stunning bakes for gatherings are not forgotten - from a novelty frog birthday cake for a children's party, through a towering croquembouche to wow your guests at the end of dinner, to a gorgeous, but easy-to-make wedding cake that's worthy of any once-in-a-lifetime celebration.Throughout the book, judges' recipes from Paul and Prue will hone your skills, while lifelong favourites from the 2020 bakers offer insight into the journeys that brought the contestants to the Bake Off tent and the reasons why they - like you - love to bake.
The Great British Baking Show: Love to Bake
by The The Bake Off TeamLove to Bake is The Great British Baking Show's best collection yet - recipes to remind us that baking is the ultimate expression of thanks, togetherness, celebration and love.Pop round to a friend's with tea and sympathy in the form of Chai Crackle Cookies; have fun making Paul's Rainbow-coloured Bagels with your family; snuggle up and take comfort in Sticky Pear & Cinnamon Buns or a Pandowdy Swamp Pie; or liven up a charity cake sale with Mini Lemon & Pistachio Battenbergs or Prue's stunning Raspberry & Salted Caramel Eclairs. Impressive occasion cakes and stunning bakes for gatherings are not forgotten - from a novelty frog birthday cake for a children's party, through a towering croquembouche to wow your guests at the end of dinner, to a gorgeous, but easy-to-make wedding cake that's worthy of any once-in-a-lifetime celebration.Throughout the book, judges' recipes from Paul and Prue will hone your skills, while lifelong favourites from the 2020 bakers offer insight into the journeys that brought the contestants to the tent and the reasons why they - like you - love to bake.
The Great British Baking Show: Love to Bake
by The The Bake Off TeamLove to Bake is The Great British Baking Show's best collection yet - recipes to remind us that baking is the ultimate expression of thanks, togetherness, celebration and love.Pop round to a friend's with tea and sympathy in the form of Chai Crackle Cookies; have fun making Paul's Rainbow-coloured Bagels with your family; snuggle up and take comfort in Sticky Pear & Cinnamon Buns or a Pandowdy Swamp Pie; or liven up a charity cake sale with Mini Lemon & Pistachio Battenbergs or Prue's stunning Raspberry & Salted Caramel Eclairs. Impressive occasion cakes and stunning bakes for gatherings are not forgotten - from a novelty frog birthday cake for a children's party, through a towering croquembouche to wow your guests at the end of dinner, to a gorgeous, but easy-to-make wedding cake that's worthy of any once-in-a-lifetime celebration.Throughout the book, judges' recipes from Paul and Prue will hone your skills, while lifelong favourites from the 2020 bakers offer insight into the journeys that brought the contestants to the tent and the reasons why they - like you - love to bake.
The Great Bunk Bed Battle: An Acorn Book (Fox Tails #1)
by Tina KüglerSiblings Fritz and Franny have all sorts of bedtime adventures in this early reader from Geisel Honor winner Tina Kugler!Pick a Book. Grow a Reader!This series is part of Scholastic's early reader line, Acorn, aimed at children who are learning to read. With easy-to-read text, a short-story format, plenty of humor, and full-color artwork on every page, these books will boost reading confidence and fluency. Acorn books plant a love of reading and help readers grow!It's time for bed! Fox siblings Fritz and Franny -- and their adorable dog, Fred -- get up to different bedtime shenanigans across three short stories in this full-color early reader. An imaginative bedtime routine leads the trio through a castle, a volcano, and even the center of the Earth as they debate whose bunk is best. But at the end of it all, these foxes find a way to meet in the middle.
The Great Bunk Bed War
by Lisa HarkraderBrothers Howard and Bruiser both want to sleep on the top bunk of their bunk bed, and their disagreement means war!
The Great Chicken Debacle
by Phyllis Reynolds NaylorIf they had only known what trouble lay ahead, maybe, just maybe the Morgan children and their friend Deeter wouldn't have agreed to mind No-Name, the world's ugliest chicken. But then again, maybe the whole madhouse caper was inevitable!
The Great Death
by John SmelcerSet in 1917 Alaska, this novel chronicles the story of two sisters who survive a terrible plague that takes over their village. Struggling to overcome the obstacles nature throws their way, the girls discover that their true strength lies in their love for each other.
The Great Escape from Woodlands Nursing Home: A totally laugh out loud and uplifting novel of friendship, love and aging disgracefully
by Joanna Nell'I loved the characters with all their quirkiness and hilarious situations they find themselves as they face living in a nursing home... Many laugh out loud moments... Wonderful' Reader review ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐At nearly ninety, retired nature writer Hattie Bloom prefers the company of birds to people, but when a fall lands her in a nursing home she struggles to cope with the loss of independence and privacy. From the confines of her 'room with a view' - of the car park! - she dreams of escape. Fellow 'inmate', the gregarious, would-be comedian Walter Clements also plans on returning home as soon as he is fit and able to take charge of his mobility scooter. When Hattie and Walter officially meet at The Night Owls, a clandestine club run by Sister Bronwyn and her dog, Queenie, they seem at odds. But when Sister Bronwyn is dismissed over her unconventional approach to aged care, they must join forces - and very slowly, an unlikely, unexpected friendship begins to grow. Full of wisdom and warmth, this is a gorgeously poignant, hilarious story showing that it is never too late to laugh or to love. Perfect for fans of Judy Leigh, Jill Mansell and Sally Page. Readers love The Great Escape from Woodlands Nursing Home:'Hilarious. Who doesn't love old people getting up to mischief?!' Reader review ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ 'A book that will leave you with a smile on your face. There are antics, laughter, and tears, but also a good read to be had. Highly recommended' Reader review ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐'What a wonderful book this is! It's warm, empathetic, at times laugh-out-loud funny and at times it made me cry but overall it filled me with a sense of hope' Reader review ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐'The characters in this story are just delightful and I was so absorbed with their stories that I read it in one sitting and really wished it would go on longer... Loved it' Reader review ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ Praise for Joanna Nell: 'Hugely entertaining . . . funny and heart-warming' Woman & Home 'Warm-hearted book that had me rooting for all the characters and laughing out loud' Libby Page, author of The Lido'Poignant and warm-hearted . . . a tonic for our times' Holly Miller, author of The Sight of You 'A warm and touching story with a cast of characters who became my friends' Katie Marsh, author of How Not to Murder Your Ex 'A funny and poignant exploration of growing old disgracefully' Culturefly
The Great Garage Sale (Orca Echoes)
by Marilyn HelmerWith the help of his wild imagination and enthusiasm, DJ, the hero of Adventures at Camp Lots-o-Fun, deals with one disaster after another. DJ has a lot on the go—Super Stackers, "weeding" his mom's garden, facing Tiger the Terrible and a misspelled sign. But when DJ mistakenly sells the wrong box of jewelry to his new friend Sam at his grandma's garage sale, those disasters seem minor. Riding his beloved skateboard, Speedwell, DJ sets out to search for Sam, which is a challenge in itself. When he finally finds Sam, DJ is not prepared for the enormous sacrifice he will have to make to get the jewelry box back.
The Great Gatsby (Harper Muse Classics: Painted Editions)
by F. Scott FitzgeraldOne of literature's most decadent stories is now available in an exclusive collector's edition, featuring beautiful cover art from artist Laci Fowler and decorative interior pages, making it ideal for fiction lovers and book collectors alike.Beloved by fans across the globe, Fitzgerald's third novel The Great Gatsby exposes the dark side of the American Dream. This time-honored classic is now available as an exclusive collector's edition.Whether you're buying it as a gift or for yourself, this remarkable edition features:A beautiful, high-end hardcover featuring Laci Fowler&’s distinctive hand-painted artDecorative interior pages featuring pull quotes throughoutMatching ribbon marker and gold page edges Part of a 4-volume collection including The Wonderful Wizard of Oz, Frankenstein, and The Return of Sherlock HolmesThe Great Gatsby has been casting its hypnotic spell on readers since 1925, unveiling every decadence and overindulgence the "Roaring Twenties" label implies. Nick Carraway, Daisy and Tom Buchanan, Jordan Baker, and of course, Jay Gatsby himself weave a sordid tale of love and betrayal.Exploring the themes of social division, wealth and materialism, and excess, this unique collector&’s edition presents Fitzgerald&’s classic tale in a giftable new way.
The Great Ghost Rescue
by Eva Ibbotson'Nobody knew what had gone wrong with Humphrey. Perhaps it was his ectoplasm . . . ' Humphrey the Horrible sounds scary, but he's actually a very friendly skeleton, with twinkling eye sockets and jangling finger bones. Humphrey dreams of being ghastly, like his brother - a screaming skull - or terrifying, like his bloodsucking vampire-bat cousins. But when Humphrey discovers an evil plot to exorcise his family he finally realizes you don't have to be spine-chillingly fearsome to be a hero. 'Eva Ibbotson weaves a magic like no other. Once enchanted, always enchanted' Michael Morpurgo
The Great Gilly Hopkins (M-bks.)
by Katherine PatersonAt eleven, Gilly is nobody's real kid. If only she could find her beautiful mother, Courtney, and live with her instead of in the ugly foster home where she has just been placed! How could she, the great Gilly Hopkins, known throughout the county for her brilliance and unmanageability, be expected to tolerate Maime Trotter, the fat, nearly illiterate widow who is now her guardian? Or for that matter, the freaky seven-year-old boy and the shrunken blind black man who are also considered part of the bizarre "family"? Even cool Miss Harris, her teacher, is a shock to her.<P><P> Gutsy Gilly is both poignant and comic as, behind her best barracuda smile, she schemes against them and everyone else who tries to be friendly. The reader will cheer for her as she copes with the longings and terrors of always being a foster child.<P> Katherine Paterson, winner of the 1978 Newbery Medal for Bridge to Terabithia and of the 1977 National Book Award for The Master Puppeteer, again reaches across boundaries with her wit, compassion, and love, and here creates an immensely engaging story about a child's desperate search for a place to call home.<P> Newbery Honor book<P> Winner of the National Book Award<P> Jane Addams Children’s Book Award Honor Book