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Helmut Saves the World
by Matt SheehanMy name is Helmut Haase and I'm one half of the Fog City Detective Agency-specifically, the half that pays all the bills. My partner, Shamus O'Sheehan, mostly drinks beer and naps. I keep him around because he's my friend, but also because he's a Druid. I'm just a detective, and there are plenty of those in Wudong, the Confederacy of Hesperia. There's not another Druid for miles.We had it pretty good until the day we met Alek Pallas. He hired us to track down a thieving employee, and even though something was off, his big fat check was too much to pass up. But the man we found wasn't what we were led to believe, and neither was Alek.I'm talking shape-shifters, fallen angels and a conspiracy involving the vicious Cretan Empire. At least we didn't die. Hope that doesn't ruin the story.Why am I telling you all this? Someday I'd like some credit for saving the world. Maybe not the entire world, and maybe not alone, but I still deserve a medal. And perhaps a cash prize.31,000 words
Help Wanted Human: No Experience Necessary
by Stephen WytrysowskiTHE ALIENS ARE HERE! Now How Do We Get Rid of Them! You've seen them on TV! You've read about them in the Global Inquisitor! Now, read the tell-all autobiography by Stephen Wytrysowski, of the US Interpreter Team and the subject of much of the controversy surrounding U.S./Alien relations. Why are they here? Are they're intentions as benign as they would have us believe? Can we make money of them? What atrocious humiliations are our citizens being subjected to at their super secret base? And what is their obsession with anal probing anyway? Steve reveals the answers in this book that our government does not want you to read! Get The Book That Is Banned on the Chricktou Home World! Act Now!
Help Wanted Human: Paid holiday
by Stephen WytrysowskiSteve's back with more exciting alien interpreter expose's. This time, the interpreters go on strike to protest Smash messing with the space-time continuum, The ambassadors give the interpreters an opportunity to test their skills when the embassy invites all their Washington contacts to a Christmas party at which Steve confronts his Chricktou nemesis, Awktrick. The interpreters go home for Christmas, Steve tries to get laid, and learns that you can go home again, but home just might want you to leave. Plus! More of Smash's illusionary life lessons. Happy Holidays!
Help! I Smell a Monster
by Justin DaviesThis book STINKS . . . of monsters! A hilariously funny debut, perfect for fans of Pamela Butchart and David Solomons.When Alice is sent to stay with her Uncle Magnus, she soon realises that his job agency isn't quite ... normal. It helps monsters find work that makes the most of their unique talons - er, talents. Alice is shocked to discover that monsters are EVERYWHERE. There's even a Cyclops working in the castle as a pastry chef! But when he suddenly disappears, Alice smells something fishy. Can she and her uncle sniff out the missing monster before it's too late?
Help! I'm Trapped In My Camp Counselor's Body
by Todd StrasserJosh, Andy, and Jake mix up the names of the camp they're going to and end up at Camp Grimpley. But Camp Grimpley is a special kind of camp, it's a survival camp... where you have to survive without any food and sleep on the ground, but the worst is yet to come...
Help! I'm Trapped in My Sister's Body
by Todd Strasser<p>Jake is in a real jam this time. His online pen pal, Sumi, is coming for a visit and Jake has kind of led her to believe that he's a star athlete... total exaggeration of the truth. Sumi is expecting to see Jake Sherman, football hero. Not Jake Sherman, regular guy. <p>The situation seems hopeless until Jake gets the brilliant idea to switch bodies with someone who is great at sports. Unfortunately the only star athlete he knows is his sister, Jessica! But can a guy who bites his nails ever get used to polishing them? <p> <p><b>Lexile Level: 540L</b></p>
Help! I'm Trapped in Santa's Body!
by Todd StrasserSanta is testing a cloud runner to see if it will save him any time on Christmas Eve. When it crashes into Jake's backyard, strange things begin to happen! <p> <p><b>Lexile Level: 540L</b></p>
Help! I'm Trapped in an Alien's Body
by Todd StrasserWhen the Dirksen Intelligence Transfer System malfunctions again, Jake Sherman switches bodies with an alien from a planet of big-eyed TV watchers! <p> <p><b>Lexile Level: 610L</b></p>
Help! My Mum's a Witch
by Lounette LoubserGrowing up in a pagan household can be tough, Because Mom’s always up to all sorts of weird stuff! She doesn’t fly her broom around, Or wear a pointy hat, But I know she has a wand, And she’ll use it to go Zap! Well maybe that’s not entirely true, But the other moms, they flinch! Whatever shall I do? Help! My mom’s a witch!
Helpfully Yours
by Evelyn E. Smith&“Come down to Earth—and stay there!&” is a humiliating order for somebody with wings! When in Rome do as the romans do . . . well unless you fly. Evelyn E. Smith is best known as the author of the Miss Melville mysteries. From 1952 to 1969 she wrote dozens of science fiction and fantasy short stories that appeared in magazines such as The Magazine of Fantasy and Science Fiction, Galaxy, Super Science Fiction, and Fantastic Universe. Her stories were witty, well written, often humorous, and always unforgettable.
Hemiferio: EL ANTECEDENTE DEL EMPLEADO JEFE (Hemisferio #1)
by A. V. OstenEl año es 2217. La vida en el hemisferio este de la tierra ha sido eliminada por una tormenta cósmica. James es empleado soporte en ElCompany, ubicada en el hemisferio oeste, donde la vida continúa. Él se ocupa del bienestar del empleado fefe, un collie llamado Mulder. A una cuantos metros, la Dra. Eizenheim, una genetista, trabaja en un proyecto para bloquear los cuatro tipos de creatividades, que ella cree, amenazan la paz en el hemisferio oeste. El jefe empleado en ElCompany actúa de manera poco profesional ese día y James sospecha que sucede algo. ¿Qué puede ir mal? Tan pronto se entera, él debe elegir entre informar sobre el comportamiento del empleado jefe, a cuestas de firmar su sentencia de muerte o protegerlo a costa de su propia vida.
Hemisfério: O precedente do Funcionário-Chefe (Hemisfério #1)
by Av OstenO ano é 2217. A vida no hemisfério oriental da Terra foi varrida por uma tempestade cósmica. James é um Funcionário de Apoio da ElCompany, localizada no hemisfério ocidental, onde a vida continua. Ele cuida do bem-estar do Funcionário-Chefe, um collie chamado Mulder. A alguns quilômetros de distância, a Dra. Eizenheim, geneticista, trabalha em um projeto para bloquear quatro tipos de criatividade, que ela acredita ameaçarem a paz política no Hemisfério Ocidental. O Funcionário-Chefe da EICompany age pouco profissionalmente naquele dia e James suspeita que algo está acontecendo. O que poderia ter dado errado? Assim que descobrir, ele deve escolher entre reportar o Funcionário-Chefe, assinando, assim, sua sentença de morte; ou guardá-lo ao possível custo de sua própria vida.
Hemlock Grove
by Brian McgreevyAn exhilarating reinvention of the gothic novel, inspired by the iconic characters of our greatest myths and nightmares. The body of a young girl is found mangled and murdered in the woods of Hemlock Grove, Pennsylvania, in the shadow of the abandoned Godfrey Steel mill. A manhunt ensues--though the authorities aren't sure if it's a man they should be looking for. Some suspect an escapee from the White Tower, a foreboding biotech facility owned by the Godfrey family--their personal fortune and the local economy having moved on from Pittsburgh steel--where, if rumors are true, biological experiments of the most unethical kind take place. Others turn to Peter Rumancek, a Gypsy trailer-trash kid who has told impressionable high school classmates that he's a werewolf. Or perhaps it's Roman, the son of the late JR Godfrey, who rules the adolescent social scene with the casual arrogance of a cold-blooded aristocrat, his superior status unquestioned despite his decidedly freakish sister, Shelley, whose monstrous medical conditions belie a sweet intelligence, and his otherworldly control freak of a mother, Olivia. At once a riveting mystery and a fascinating revelation of the grotesque and the darkness in us all, Hemlock Grove has the architecture and energy to become a classic in its own right--and Brian McGreevy the talent and ambition to enthrall us for years to come.
Hemlock Grove: A Novel
by Brian McGreevyAn exhilarating reinvention of the gothic novel, inspired by the iconic characters of our greatest myths and nightmares. Hemlock Grove is now a hit television series on Netflix.The body of a young girl is found mangled and murdered in the woods of Hemlock Grove, Pennsylvania, in the shadow of the abandoned Godfrey Steel mill. A manhunt ensues—though the authorities aren't sure if it's a man they should be looking for. Some suspect an escapee from the White Tower, a foreboding biotech facility owned by the Godfrey family—their personal fortune and the local economy having moved on from Pittsburgh steel—where, if rumors are true, biological experiments of the most unethical kind take place. Others turn to Peter Rumancek, a Gypsy trailer-trash kid who has told impressionable high school classmates that he's a werewolf. Or perhaps it's Roman, the son of the late JR Godfrey, who rules the adolescent social scene with the casual arrogance of a cold-blooded aristocrat, his superior status unquestioned despite his decidedly freakish sister, Shelley, whose monstrous medical conditions belie a sweet intelligence, and his otherworldly control freak of a mother, Olivia. At once a riveting mystery and a fascinating revelation of the grotesque and the darkness in us all, Hemlock Grove has the architecture and energy to become a classic in its own right—and Brian McGreevy the talent and ambition to enthrall us for years to come.
Hench: A Novel
by Natalie Zina Walschots“This book is fast, furious, compelling, and angry as hell." -- Seanan McGuire, New York Times bestselling author The Boys meets My Year of Rest and Relaxation in this smart, imaginative, and evocative novel of love, betrayal, revenge, and redemption, told with razor-sharp wit and affection, in which a young woman discovers the greatest superpower—for good or ill—is a properly executed spreadsheet. Anna does boring things for terrible people because even criminals need office help and she needs a job. Working for a monster lurking beneath the surface of the world isn’t glamorous. But is it really worse than working for an oil conglomerate or an insurance company? In this economy? As a temp, she’s just a cog in the machine. But when she finally gets a promising assignment, everything goes very wrong, and an encounter with the so-called “hero” leaves her badly injured. And, to her horror, compared to the other bodies strewn about, she’s the lucky one.So, of course, then she gets laid off.With no money and no mobility, with only her anger and internet research acumen, she discovers her suffering at the hands of a hero is far from unique. When people start listening to the story that her data tells, she realizes she might not be as powerless as she thinks.Because the key to everything is data: knowing how to collate it, how to manipulate it, and how to weaponize it. By tallying up the human cost these caped forces of nature wreak upon the world, she discovers that the line between good and evil is mostly marketing. And with social media and viral videos, she can control that appearance.It’s not too long before she’s employed once more, this time by one of the worst villains on earth. As she becomes an increasingly valuable lieutenant, she might just save the world.A sharp, witty, modern debut, Hench explores the individual cost of justice through a fascinating mix of Millennial office politics, heroism measured through data science, body horror, and a profound misunderstanding of quantum mechanics.
Henchgirl (Expanded Edition)
by Kristen GudsnukMary Posa hates her job. She works long hours for little pay, no insurance, and worst of all, no respect. Her co-workers are jerks and her boss doesn't appreciate her. He's also a supervillain.And her parents... well, they're the most famous superhero couple in Crepe City, along with her sister. Cursed with a conscience, Mary would give anything to be something other than a Henchgirl, but no matter what she does her plans always seem to go awry.This Second Edition printing offers the humor and henching you love, along with an extra, new Henchgirl story!
Henri's Little One (Werewolves of Manhattan #8)
by A. C. KattAfter much hardship, Vitas Kosloff finds his Mate, Alpha Henri Giraud, Director of Security for the North American Council and Garou Industries. But Vitas is held captive by Fydor Chernof, the Russian First, who claims Vitas belongs to him. He escapes Chernof's torture with the aid of Chernof's two Betas, Anatoly and Maxim.Vitas is a full loup garou who carries a huge mating gift -- he can tell the truth from lies and dream the future. Because of this, Chernof will stop at nothing to recapture him, even after Henri mates and marries Vitas. With the aid of the other Mates, the North American Council, and Frank Ferone, Vitas and Henri attempt to outwit Chernof and take care of the Russian problem for good.
Henrika
by Phony McfakenameHenrika is just your normal zombie teen, living in a secluded West Virginia town where the water is green and the food is human and willing to be eaten. But then Henrika discovers there’s a whole human world beyond her zombie town, and a new human boy in town might be the key to getting her out there. But things go very wrong. Not only does her zombie mother disapprove, but her town also burns to the ground. The zombie citizens’ darkest secrets come to the surface, threatening to spill over and infect the rest of humanity. And the human food supply decides it’s fed up with being fed on and threatens to go on a feeding strike. Henrika escapes amid the chaos and uses her human boy as a tour guide in our nation’s capital. But her mother isn’t about to let her daughter go. One false zombie move in the human world might bring about catastrophe for everyone, both zombie and human.
Henry & Eva and the Castle on the Cliff
by Andrea PortesThe Graveyard Book meets The Goonies in this smart, spunky middle grade mystery from acclaimed author Andrea Portes!Prominent Environmentalist and Oceanographer Die in Boating AccidentThis is the headline that changes Henry and Eva’s lives. Their parents, environmentalist William Billings and his oceanographer wife Margo, disappear mysteriously at sea. But for Henry and Eva, things are about to go from bad to worse. Their jerk-face uncle (nicknamed Claude the Clod) and his awful girlfriend (Terri the Terrible) have moved into their big house on the cliff to “take care of them,” but Eva has her doubts about their intentions.And when some spooky visitors appear with a message, they realize that their parents’ deaths might not have been as cut and dry as everyone thinks.It’s up to Henry and Eva to discover the truth—but can they do it before the Clod catches them?Perfect for fans of Lemony Snicket, readers of this arch, spooky, timeless tale will find themselves enraptured with this fresh new middle grade series.
Henry & Eva and the Famous People Ghosts
by Andrea PortesGhostly detective duo Henry and Eva are back in this silly and spooky follow-up to Henry & Eva and the Castle on the Cliff, perfect for fans of Lemony Snicket and The Graveyard Book!There are three things that Henry and Eva know for sure:1. Ghosts are real. As real as you or me.2. They’re pretty friendly (also a bit pesky and totally dramatic).3. Whenever they come around, mysteries are sure to follow.Henry and Eva thought that their supernatural sleuthing was over when they solved the mystery of their parents’ murders, but they were absolutely wrong.Word has gotten around the Hereafter about the kids who can help right a wrong done to the deceased, and now their great-great-great-great-grandrelations have returned from their graves with a new problem: A mysterious stranger is stealing precious historical artifacts out from under the very noses of some preoccupied partygoers.As the only living party attendees who know about the burglary, it’s up to Henry and Eva to halt this heinous heist. But they won’t have to do it alone: Their long-dead family members have brought along a few friends they’ve made in the afterlife to help.New and returning readers alike will fall in love with the smart, spunky, and spooky adventures of Henry and Eva, from acclaimed author Andrea Portes!
Henry Cicada's Extraordinary Elktonium Escapade
by David TeagueFrom David Teague, the coauthor of Saving Lucas Biggs, comes a boisterous and funny novel about friendship and self-discovery that will send readers on the wackiest adventure of their lives!It's no surprise when the doghouse in Henry Cicada's backyard starts glowing. After all, it's made out of Elktonium, a luminescent green metal his mom invented. But Henry is surprised when the doghouse transports him into the imagination of a twelve-year-old girl named Lulu. So surprised, in fact, he forgets his whole plan to be just ordinary.But as Henry gets to know Lulu, he realizes she's a real girl who is in real trouble. Henry knows he has to help Lulu, but doing something so heroic, so courageous, so audacious . . . well, it would mean abandoning his quest to be ordinary once and for all.This wacky, heartfelt adventure emphasizes the importance of just being yourself . . . no matter how unordinary that may be.
Henry Heckelbeck Breaks a Leg (Henry Heckelbeck #13)
by Wanda CovenIn this thirteenth Henry Heckelbeck adventure, a leg sprain may cause Henry to lose his role in the school play!Henry has landed the lead role in the school play. Even better, the play is written by one of his best friends, Max. Oh, and even Dudley has a role! But a small leg injury threatens to lose Henry his part. Will &“breaking a leg&” ruin everything his acting debut? With easy-to-read language and illustrations on almost every page, the Henry Heckelbeck chapter books are perfect for beginning readers.
Henry Heckelbeck Builds a Robot (Henry Heckelbeck #8)
by Wanda CovenIn this eighth Henry Heckelbeck adventure, Henry builds a robot that goes haywire!Henry Heckelbeck has to build something for class: a robot! But when Henry uses magic to put the gears together, his robot is a little more than he can handle. With easy-to-read language and illustrations on almost every page, the Henry Heckelbeck chapter books are perfect for beginning readers.
Henry Heckelbeck Camping Expert (Henry Heckelbeck #16)
by Wanda CovenIn this sixteenth Henry Heckelbeck adventure, Henry goes camping with his friends!Henry Heckelbeck is going camping for the very first time! Henry and his friends decide to play a wildlife-spotting game and compete for an extra s&’more. But while his friends spot lizards and mushrooms, Henry can&’t seem to find any animals! Will a little bit of magic help him score one more s&’more? With easy-to-read language and illustrations on almost every page, the Henry Heckelbeck chapter books are perfect for beginning readers.
Henry Heckelbeck Chills Out (Henry Heckelbeck #10)
by Wanda CovenIn this tenth Henry Heckelbeck adventure, Henry enters a wintry contest!It&’s winter in Brewster and Henry Heckelbeck is ready for fun! Snowball fights, building snow friends, and drinking lots of hot chocolate—what&’s not to love? But when Max sets up a winter wonderland contest, Henry finds that fun in the snow can be no fun. Can he put the win in winter with the help of a little magic? With easy-to-read language and illustrations on almost every page, the Henry Heckelbeck chapter books are perfect for beginning readers.