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Despicable Me 3: Agnes Loves Unicorns!
by UniversalThe Minions are back! Join your favorite yellow friends, along with Agnes, Edith, and Margo, on a new, hilarious adventure in this beautiful hardcover picture book that is based on the highly anticipated blockbuster movie Despicable Me 3!Agnes has two lifelong dreams: One is to be adopted into a loving family (completed!) and the other is to have a pet unicorn. Explore Agnes's love of unicorns inside this lovely picture book--and join her as she goes on her biggest adventure yet--to capture a unicorn!Despicable Me 3 is a trademark and copyright of Universal Studios. Licensed by Universal. All Rights Reserved.
I Hate Your Guts
by Jim NortonWhen New York Times bestselling author and comedian Jim Norton isn't paying for massages with happy endings, or pretending to be fooled by transsexuals he picks up, he spends his time wondering what certain people would look like on fire... What do Heather Mills, the Reverend Al Sharpton, and Dr. Phil have in common? Jim Norton hates their guts. And he probably hates yours, too, especially if you're a New York Yankee, Starbucks employee, or Steve Martin. In thirty-five hilarious essays, New York Times bestselling author and comedian Jim Norton spews bile on the people he loathes. Enjoy his blistering attacks on Derek Jeter, Hillary Clinton, fatso Al Roker, and mush-mouthed Jesse Jackson. It's utterly hilarious -- and utterly relatable if you've ever bitten a stranger's face or thrown a bottle through the TV screen while watching the news. But don't think Jim just dishes loads of shit on his self-proclaimed enemies; he is equally atrocious to himself. He savages himself for his humiliating days as a white homeboy, his balletlike spins in the outfield during a little league game, and his embarrassingly botched attempt at a celebrity shout-out while taping his new HBO stand-up series. Uncomfortably honest, I Hate Your Guts is probably the best example of emotional vomiting you'll ever read. But there is hope; at the end of each essay, Jim generously offers helpful suggestions as to how the offender can make things right again: Eliot Spitzer: If you run for re-election, instead of shaking hands with voters, let them smell your fingers. Reverend Al Sharpton: The next time you feel the need to protest, do so dressed as an elk in Ted Nugent's backyard. Hillary Clinton: When you absolutely must make a point of laughing publicly, don't fake it. Just think of something that genuinely makes you laugh, like lowering taxes or any random male having his penis cut off. For the legions of devoted fans who know Jim Norton for his raw, sometimes brutal comedy, I Hate Your Guts is what you've been waiting for. But even more important -- it's a great book to read while taking a shit.
Never Sit Down in a Hoopskirt and Other Things I Learned in Southern Belle Hell
by Crickett RumleyExpelled from thirteen boarding schools in the past five years, seventeen-year-old Jane Fontaine Ventouras is returning to her Southern roots, and the small town of Bienville, Alabama, where ladies always wear pearls, nothing says hospitality like sweet teaand pimento cheese sandwiches, and competing in the annual Magnolia Maid Pageant is every girl's dream. But Jane is what you might call an anti-belle--more fishnets and tattoos than sugar and spice. The last thing on her mind is joining the Magnolia Maid brigade and parading around town ina dress so big she can't even fi t through doors. So when she finds herself up to her ears in ruffl es and etiquette lessons, she's got one mission: Escape.What's a hipster to do? Will Jane survive Bienville boot camp intact or will they--gasp!--make a Southern belle out of her yet?
I'm the One That I Want
by Margaret ChoComedian. Icon. TV star. Hollywood casualty. Role model. Trash talker. Fag hag. Gypsy. Tramp. Thief. Margaret Cho is the only living human being to be all these things without having multiple personality disorder and she displays them all in this funny, fierce, and honest memoir. At age sixteen Margaret dropped out of school and began touring as a standup comedian. By twenty-three she was the star of her own sitcom, "All-American Girl", the groundbreaking show featuring television’s first Asian American family. But the road to fame wasn’t smooth, and when the sitcom crashed and burned, so did Margaret. Without ever losing her trademark humor, Margaret tells her astonishing tale of dieting her way into the hospital, drinking her way into oblivion, then rising from the ashes in her smash-hit one-woman show and record-breaking concert film. As one of the country’s most visible Asian Americans, she has a unique perspective on identity and acceptance. As one of the country’s funniest and most quoted personalities, she takes no prisoners. And as a warm and wise woman who has seen the highs and lows of life, she has words of encouragement for anyone who has ever felt like an outsider. I’m the One That I Wantis filled with dead-on insights about the experience of being a woman with attitude. In her own wicked style, Margaret Cho has written a book every bit as funny, shocking, and irreverent as she is.
All Creatures: Life Lessons Learned From Some of God's Lesser Creatures
by Elizabeth SimmonsIf you have ever known the unconditional love of an animal, you will undoubtedly relate to the experiences recounted in All Creatures. Within these pages you will find a variety of stories that are sure to bring tears of sorrow or joy to your eyes. Sharing life with a pet of any kind can have such a profound effect on your worldview, both globally and personally. Because there is so much to learn during our brief stint on this earth, we are best served when we allow ourselves to be schooled by even the unlikeliest of professors. Is it possible to learn valuable lessons about faith, family, and friendship through daily interactions with animals? “What if our relationship with God was such that we experienced an ache inside, a true yearning to be with him? What if we couldn’t wait for the next time we would get to share a moment with him? I don’t know about you, but I want my desire for communion with my Father to become an unquenchable thirst. I want to long for it with breathlessly intense eagerness, just as the dogs pant for bowls of cool water after a long day in the heat of a summer sun. I want to be refreshed, not by what the world has to offer, but by what God alone can give.” —All Creatures Join Simmons as she shares the many jewels of wisdom she has gained during everyday encounters with her own pets over the years. Her unique way of seeing beyond the obvious to the heart of the matter will lead you to wonder if you could learn a thing or two from a beloved pet.
The Horrors
by Charles DemersComedian-author Charlie Demers, whose brain-bending brand of black humour will be familiar to followers of CBC Radio's The Debaters, offers his madcap perspective in a new collection of essays highlighting a wide range of topics under the heading of Bad Things. The Horrors is presented abecedarian-style, despoiling a beloved children's book tradition in order to explore personal hangups that range from the slightly awkward to the down-right terrible.Beginning with 'A' for 'Adolescence,' Demers recalls his sexless teenage years spent in a Trotskyist sect, and 'B' for 'Bombing' offers a first-person account of the agonies of stand-up comedy gone wrong. 'E' for 'End of the World' explores the wacky world of Preppers (YouTube how-to-prepare-for-the-apocalypse experts), while 'F' for 'Fat' explains what life is like for those with both testicles and breasts. Other essays creep toward the pain side of the hilarity/agony line: 'D' for 'Depression' and 'M' for 'Motherlessness' traverse topics that more balanced minds might hesitate to make light of.Fortunately, Demers does not let tact or sensibility deter him from pushing humour to its hysterical limit in order to examine our deepest fears. With artful insight, he never minimizes the very real pain inherent in some topics and uses comedy as a catharsis rather than a numbing agent. Dark, smart and funny, in the sunny world of The Book of Awesome and The Happiness Project, The Horrors will be a shadow... or at least a shadow puppet.
What Would Jurgen Klopp Do?: Life Lessons from a Champion
by Tom VictorTHE PERFECT GIFT FOR FOOTBALL FANSThere's no one quite like Klopp. Players love him, Liverpool fans love him - even those who should hate him, want a hug from him. He's charismatic, charming, a master tactician and his unrivalled passion for his team and the game has made him one of football's most beloved personalities.So, let's face it, in these uncertain times, we all could do with being a bit more like Klopp. The perfect gift for any football fan in your life; from how to make the perfect dinner-party klopptails to cultivating your Top of the Klopps playlist - this is a celebration of football's greatest manager and a guide to winning in your own life.'All of us have to do whatever we can to protect one another. This should be the case all the time in life, but in this moment I think it matters more than ever.' - Jurgen Klopp
Dragon Wizard (Dragon Princess #3)
by S. Andrew SwannIt has been a year since former thief Frank Blackthorne became Princess of Lendowyn and married a dragon. He's coming to terms with his new life, but during the royal anniversary banquet, an elven prince reads a scroll of evil magic and Frank's world is turned upside-down. Again. The scroll's spell causes a murderous rampage in a palace full of noble dignitaries, so it's no surprise Frank's visitors are angry. The Elf-King Timoras threatens war but Frank can't do anything about it: because of the same bit of scroll magic, the ex-Dragon Lucille has taken over the princess's body, unaware that Frank is still there, locked in her skull. And worst of all, the fate of everyone may soon rest on the shoulders of the man responsible for the whole mess, someone who should be safely dead...
The Stoned Family Robinson
by J. D. Wyss J. P. LinderFor many days we had been tempest-tossed--and our stash was soaked. Six times had the darkness closed over a gnarly scene, and returning light as often brought a renewed jones while the storm raged on and after seven days all hope was lost of finding that magical island to grow our free-range weed unnoticed by narcs. Forget the classic you knew as a child; you've never seen the Robinsons have so much fun being shipwrecked--until now. In this "highlarious" update of the beloved family adventure, you can smoke up with the whole Robinson family while they are shipwrecked on an uncharted tropical island. From constructing a home made entirely of weed and sampling the millions of strains of pot they find on the island to trying to make a bong out of a coconut, this book will leave you jonesing for more!
The Mummy!: A Victorian Tale of the 22nd Century
by Jane Webb LoudonWithin a decade of the 1818 publication of Mary Shelley's Frankenstein, another Englishwoman invented a foundational work of science fiction. Seventeen-year-old Jane Webb Loudon took up the theme of reanimation, moved it three hundred years into the future, and applied it to Cheops, an ancient Egyptian mummy. Unlike Shelley's horrifying, death-dealing monster, this revivified creature bears the wisdom of the ages and is eager to share his insights with humanity. Cheops boards a hot-air balloon and travels to 22nd-century England, where he sets about remedying the ills of a corrupt government.In recounting Cheops' attempts to put the futuristic society to rights, the young author offers a fascinating portrait of the preoccupations of her own era as well as some remarkably prescient predictions of technological advances. The Mummy! envisions a world in which automatons perform surgery, undersea tunnels connect England and Ireland, weather-control devices provide crop irrigation, and messages are transmitted with the speed of cannonball fire. The first novel to feature the concept of a living mummy, this pioneering tale offers an engaging mix of comedy, politics, and science fiction.
How the Two Ivans Quarrelled (The Art of the Novella)
by Nikolai Gogol John Cournos"How dared you, in disregard of all decency, call me a goose?"This lesser-known work is perhaps the perfect distillation of Nikolai Gogol's genius: a tale simultaneously animated by a joyful, nearly slapstick sense of humor alongside a resigned cynicism about the human condition. In a sharp-edged translation from John Cournos, an under-appreciated early translator of Russian literature into English, How The Two Ivans Quarreled is the story of two long-time friends who have a falling out when one of them calls the other a "goose." From there, the argument intensifies and the escalation becomes more and more ludicrous. Never losing its generous antic spirit, the story nonetheless transitions from whither a friendship, to whither humanity, as it progresses relentlessly to its moving conclusion. The Art of The Novella Series Too short to be a novel, too long to be a short story, the novella is generally unrecognized by academics and publishers. Nonetheless, it is a form beloved and practiced by literature's greatest writers. In the Art Of The Novella series, Melville House celebrates this renegade art form and its practitioners with titles that are, in many instances, presented in book form for the first time.
Dead Famous: An Unexpected History of Celebrity from Bronze Age to Silver Screen
by Greg Jenner'Fizzes with clever vignettes and juicy tidbits... [a] joyous romp of a book.' Guardian'A magical mystery tour through the history of celebrity - eye opening, provocative, triumphant.' Kate Williams, bestselling author and historian'A fascinating, rollicking book in search of why, where and how fame strikes. Sit back and enjoy the ride.' Peter FrankopanCelebrity, with its neon glow and selfie pout, strikes us as hypermodern. But the famous and infamous have been thrilling, titillating, and outraging us for much longer than we might realise. Whether it was the scandalous Lord Byron, whose poetry sent female fans into an erotic frenzy; or the cheetah-owning, coffin-sleeping, one-legged French actress Sarah Bernhardt, who launched a violent feud with her former best friend; or Edmund Kean, the dazzling Shakespearean actor whose monstrous ego and terrible alcoholism saw him nearly murdered by his own audience - the list of stars whose careers burned bright before the Age of Television is extensive and thrillingly varied. Celebrities could be heroes or villains; warriors or murderers; brilliant talents, or fraudsters with a flair for fibbing; trendsetters, wilful provocateurs, or tragic victims marketed as freaks of nature. Some craved fame while others had it forced upon them. A few found fame as small children, some had to wait decades to get their break. But uniting them all is the shared origin point: since the early 1700s, celebrity has been one of the most emphatic driving forces in popular culture; it is a lurid cousin to Ancient Greek ideas of glorious and notorious reputation, and its emergence helped to shape public attitudes to ethics, national identity, religious faith, wealth, sexuality, and gender roles. In this ambitious history, that spans the Bronze Age to the coming of Hollywood's Golden Age, Greg Jenner assembles a vibrant cast of over 125 actors, singers, dancers, sportspeople, freaks, demigods, ruffians, and more, in search of celebrity's historical roots. He reveals why celebrity burst into life in the early eighteenth century, how it differs to ancient ideas of fame, the techniques through which it was acquired, how it was maintained, the effect it had on public tastes, and the psychological burden stardom could place on those in the glaring limelight. DEAD FAMOUS is a surprising, funny, and fascinating exploration of both a bygone age and how we came to inhabit our modern, fame obsessed society.
The Palliser Novels Volume One: Can You Forgive Her?, Phineas Finn, and The Eustace Diamonds (The Palliser Novels)
by Anthony TrollopeThree novels of propriety and politics in Victorian England—the basis for the BBC adaptation.Also known as the Parliamentary Novels, the first three books in Anthony Trollope&’s renowned series follow the lives of an aristocrat, his wife, and the political and social circles in which they move.Can You Forgive Her?: This revealing romp through proper society follows three different women who dare to defy Victorian standards.Phineas Finn: An adventurous Irishman sets out to find his fortune among proper English society—and winds up entering the world of Parliament.The Eustace Diamonds: An ambitious, keenly intelligent woman finds that lying is the easiest way to get through life.
Queen Lucia & Miss Mapp
by E. F. BensonE. F. Benson's beloved Mapp and Lucia novels are sparkling, classic comedies of manners set against the petty snobberies and competitive maneuverings of English village society in the 1920s and 1930s.Benson's series revolves around two unforgettable characters, both forceful and irrepressible women who dominate their respective villages in southern England and who will eventually end up hilariously at war with each other. Lucia is the more deadly of the two, with her pretentious tastes, treacherous charm, and lust for power. Miss Elizabeth Mapp, on the other hand, is younger and more forceful and able to terrify her opponents into submission. Benson introduces these splendid comic creations in the first two novels of the series, Queen Lucia (1920) and Miss Mapp (1922).
Law of the Land
by Greg TaylorHow was it that the Torrens system, a mid-nineteenth-century reform of land titles registration from distant South Australia, gradually replaced the inherited Anglo-Canadian common law system of land registration? In The Law of the Land, Greg Taylor traces the spread of the Torrens system, from its arrival in the far-flung outpost of 1860s Victoria, British Columbia, right up to twenty-first century Ontario.Examining the peculiarity of how this system of land reform swept through some provinces like wildfire, and yet still remains completely unknown in three provinces, Taylor shows how the different histories of various regions in Canada continue to shape the law in the present day. Presenting a concise and illuminating history of land reform, he also demonstrates the power of lobbying, by examining the influence of both moneylenders and lawyers who were the first to introduce the Torrens system to Canada east of the Rockies.An exact and fluent legal history of regional law reforms, The Law of the Land is a fascinating examination of commonwealth influence, and ongoing regional differences in Canada.
The Annotated Archy and Mehitabel
by Don MarquisGenerations of readers have delighted in the work of the great American humorist Don Marquis, who was frequently compared to Mark Twain. These free-verse poems, which first appeared in Marquis's New York newspaper columns, revolve around the escapades of Archy, the philosophical cockroach who was once a poet, and Mehitabel, a streetwise alley cat who was once Cleopatra. Reincarnated as the lowest creatures on the social scale, they prowl the rowdy streets of New York City in between the world wars. The antics of these two immortal characters are now made available for the first time in their original order of publication in this unique, comprehensive collection, which features many poems never before reprinted. First time in Penguin Classics Archy and Mehitabel is considered the inspiration for E. B. White's Charlotte's Web Features many new poems never reprinted since they were first published early in the twentieth century Introduction places Marquis in the context of American humor and the history of satire .
Flatland: A Romance of Many Dimensions
by Edwin AbbottThe beloved science fiction classic In Flatland, the more sides a man has, the more powerful he is. Triangles are laborers and soldiers. Squares and pentagons are middle-class doctors and lawyers. Hexagons are nobility. Women, however, are straight lines, incapable of advancement in a two-dimensional world. Everything in Flatland is clear-cut and orderly, until the day an average citizen—a Square—dreams of a land of three dimensions. If three dimensions are possible, why not four? Or one? Soon, the Square&’s provocative imagination and corresponding adventures threaten to turn the whole of Flatland against him. First published in 1884, two decades before Einstein&’s theory of relativity defined time as the fourth dimension, Edwin Abbott&’s Flatland is both a prescient exploration of the unseen and a delightful skewering of Victorian social strictures. This ebook has been professionally proofread to ensure accuracy and readability on all devices.
A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court
by Mark TwainA nineteenth-century American travels back in time to sixth-century England in this darkly comic social satire.
The Man that Corrupted Hadleyburg: And Other Stories And Essays (The Art of the Novella)
by Mark Twain"Why, you simple creatures, the weakest of all weak things is a virtue which has not been tested in the fire."Written on hotel stationary while in Europe on the run from American creditors, soon after the death of a daughter, The Man That Corrupted Handleyburg is often cited as a work of bitter cynicism--a statement on America, to some, on the Dreyfus Case, to others--created by a weary author at the end of his career. Another appreciation, however, is that it is, simply, Mark Twain at his best. The story of a mysterious stranger who orchestrates a fraud embarrassing the hypocritical citizens of "incorruptible" Hadleyburg. The novella is an exceptionally crafted work intertwining a devious and suspenseful plot with some of the wittiest dialogue Twain ever wrote. And like the most masterful literature, it subverts any notion of easy conclusion: is Hadleyburg ruined, or liberated? Is the mysterious stranger Satan, or a hero? Is this a book of revenge, or redemption? One thing is clear: This brilliant novella is a complex and compassionate consideration of the human character by a master at the height of his form. The Art of The Novella Series Too short to be a novel, too long to be a short story, the novella is generally unrecognized by academics and publishers. Nonetheless, it is a form beloved and practiced by literature's greatest writers. In the Art Of The Novella series, Melville House celebrates this renegade art form and its practitioners with titles that are, in many instances, presented in book form for the first time.
Christian Science (Classics To Go)
by Mark TwainChristian Science is a 1907 book by the American writer Mark Twain (1835–1910). The book is a collection of essays Twain wrote about Christian Science, beginning with an article that was published in Cosmopolitan in 1899. Although Twain was interested in mental healing and the ideas behind Christian Science, he was hostile towards its founder, Mary Baker Eddy (1821–1910). Twain's first article about Christian Science was published in Cosmopolitan in 1899. A humorous work of fiction, it describes how he fell over a cliff while walking in Austria, breaking several bones. A Christian Science practitioner who lived nearby was sent for, but could not attend immediately and so undertook to provide an "absent healing."
A Double Barrelled Detective Story
by Mark TwainAmerica’s greatest satirist sets his sights on England’s most celebrated detective in this boisterous tale of revenge, murder, and the limits of logic Tortured, humiliated, and abandoned by her fiancé, a woman gives birth to a boy with an unusual gift. Blessed with a bloodhound’s sense of smell, Archy Stillman can track a man clear across the country. His mother, who has spent sixteen years dreaming of vengeance, finally has the means to achieve it. She sets her teenage son on his father’s trail with instructions to ruin the man as thoroughly as he ruined her. Years later, Archy has been swept up in the California Gold Rush when a deadly explosion rocks his mining camp. The accused, an English immigrant, begs the help of his visiting uncle: the legendary sleuth Sherlock Holmes. But the incomparable investigator will find that in the Wild West, his brilliant powers of deduction are no match for Archy’s superhuman nose. A delightful send-up of the mystery genre, A Double Barrelled Detective Story is thrilling fun from first page to last. This ebook has been professionally proofread to ensure accuracy and readability on all devices.
The Adventures Of Elizabeth In Rugen: A Virago Modern Classic (Virago Modern Classics #397)
by Elizabeth von ArnimIn 1901 the 'real' Elizabeth holidayed on the Baltic island of Rügen with just her maid, a coachman, a carriage piled with luggage, and a woman friend. From such unpromising beginnings Elizabeth weaves a captivating farrago around her encounters. There's the snobbish bishop's wife and her personable, handsome son, a dressmaker and, astonishingly, a long-lost cousin -- Charlotte -- who is trying to evade the pursuit of her husband, the maddeningly genial old professor. Here, with delightfully astringent humour, Elizabeth recounts the misadventures that befall her. And, as she immortalised her Pomeranian wilderness in the famous ELIZABETH AND HER GERMAN GARDEN, she now writes enticingly of this remote and attractive island.
Friars Club Encyclopedia of Jokes: Revised and Updated! Over 2,000 One-Liners, Straight Lines, Stories, Gags, Roasts, Ribs, and Put-Downs
by Alan King Barry Dougherty H. Aaron Cohl Friars Club Drew CareyFinally in paperback?with lots of brand-new jokes from today's top comedians. What could be funnier than a great joke? How about 2,000 great jokes? In this side?splitting compendium, revised and updated and featuring a new introduction by Drew Carey, members of the world-renowned Friars Club and other comedians provide zingers for every occasion, situation, and taste. Organized alphabetically and by topic, this book is made for browsing, but it's also perfect for finding icebreakers for social occasions, adding a touch of humor to business speeches, and spicing up toasts. Hundreds of the best-known comedians are represented, including Sarah Silverman, Ellen Degeneres, Lewis Black, Ray Romano, Milton Berle, Carol Burnett, George Burns, George Carlin, Johnny Carson, Billy Crystal, Phyllis Diller, Bob Hope, Alan King, Richard Lewis, Bob Newhart, Rita Rudner, Jerry Seinfeld, Robin Williams, and tons more.
Kipps: With an introduction by D.J. Taylor
by H.G. Wells'FIRST ELECTRICITY. AND THEN TELEPHONES. I FEEL AS IF I WERE LIVING IN AN H G WELLS NOVEL' DOWAGER COUNTESS OF GRANTHAM'You can enjoy the novel as a jolly yarn about faux pas - there's a bit of Kipps in most of us - but you also sense that Wells found its theme a little close to the bone . . . As social inequality threatens to rise, it's hard not to wonder - despite the happy ending - if Kipps belongs to britain's future as well as its past' GuardianOrphaned at an early age, raised by his aunt and uncle, and apprenticed for seven years to a draper, Artie Kipps is stunned to discover upon reading a newspaper advertisement that he is the grandson of a wealthy gentleman and the inheritor of his fortune. Thrown dramatically into the upper classes, he struggles desperately to learn the etiquette and rules of polite society. But as he soon discovers, becoming a `true gentleman' is neither as easy nor as desirable as it at first appears...