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X Marks the Spot: (Treasure Island) (Cracked Classics #5)
by Tony AbbottTwo sixth graders are magically swept away to Treasure Island, where they must match wits with legendary pirate Long John Silver. When best friends Devin and Frankie—short for Francine—get a tough assignment in their English class, they know there&’s only one way to handle it. Read the book? Nah, that&’s for suckers. Devin and Frankie just take the novel to the library and toss it through the magic metal detector, which sucks them into the world of the book, allowing them to experience the novel firsthand. Most of the time, this works great. This time, they get marooned on Treasure Island. The moment they step into Robert Louis Stevenson&’s classic pirate novel, Devin and Frankie find themselves neck deep in a hunt for buried treasure along with Long John Silver and his gang of cutthroats. These two wisecracking slackers will need to avoid rocking the boat—or they may have to walk the plank. School Library Journal has called the Devin and Frankie novels &“reminiscent of Mary Pope Osborne&’s &‘Magic Tree House&’ series, but for an older audience.&” X Marks the Spot is another lively introduction to the classics for reluctant readers.
Goofballs #4: The Mysterious Talent Show Mystery
by Tony Abbott Colleen MaddenThe Badger Point School is holding a talent show, and the Goofballs - sleuths Jeff Bunter, Mara Lubin, Kelly Smitts, and Brian Rooney - are set to be its stars. That is if the show even happens, with problems and mysteries at every turn. A giant pink tuba goes missing, the costumes are all the wrong size, and the talent show's director disappears before the cast's eyes. Good thing that the Goofballs are expert detectives. Funny, punny, and full of fun, this latest case in the Goofballs series will be eagerly devoured by old and new fans, alike.
Goofballs #5: The Ha-Ha-Haunting of Hyde House
by Tony Abbott Colleen MaddenFans of Dav Pilkey's The Adventure of Ook and Gluke and Paricia Reilly Giff's ZigZag Kids series will flock to this chapterbook series full of slapstick humor and silly situations by the wildly popular Tony Abbott, author of The Secrets of Droon Series.When the Goofballs--Jeff, Brian, Mara, and Kelly--hear about a house that might be haunted, where someone disappeared years before, it sounds like the perfect case for them to solve on Halloween. But they'll need their best sleuthing skills and, of course, the help of the Goofdog, because this may be their silliest--and scariest--mystery yet!
Banana
by Zoey AbbottA quirky and hilarious picture book parable about parental distraction and a daughter's clever solution.My dad is the best. We love hanging out together. Recently, he got this banana. At first, we had a great time with the banana — it does cool stuff and it&’s really fun. But lately he&’s spending too much time with the banana. He&’s distracted, and he&’s not enjoying the things he used to enjoy, like hanging out with me. I don&’t think this banana is good for him. It&’s time to take action. Zoey Abbott tackles parental distraction in a quirky and hilarious way in this parable about too much of a good thing. With her trademark wit and engaging illustrations, she introduces a very wise kid and a not-so-wise parent who eventually see eye to eye in a story that will delight readers of all ages.
Son of Elsewhere: A Memoir in Pieces
by Elamin AbdelmahmoudFrom one of the most beloved media personalities of his generation comes a one-of-a-kind reflection on Blackness, faith, language, pop culture, and the challenges and rewards of finding your way in the world.Professional wrestling super fandom, Ontario's endlessly unfurling 401 highway, late nights at the convenience store listening to heavy metal—for writer and podcast host Elamin Abdelmahmoud, these are the building blocks of a life. Son of Elsewhere charts that life in wise, funny, and moving reflections on the many threads that weave together into an identity. Arriving in Canada at age 12 from Sudan, Elamin's teenage years were spent trying on new ways of being in the world, new ways of relating to his almost universally white peers. His is a story of yearning to belong in a time and place where expectation and assumptions around race, faith, language, and origin make such belonging extremely difficult, but it's also a story of the surprising and unexpected ways in which connection and acceptance can be found. In this extraordinary debut collection, the process of growing—of trying, failing, and trying again to fit in—is cast against the backdrop of the memory of life in a different time, and different place—a Khartoum being bombed by the United States, a nation seeking to define and understand itself against global powers of infinite reach. Taken together, these essays explore how we pick and choose from our experience and environment to help us in the ongoing project of defining who we are—how, for instance, the example of Mo Salah, the profound grief practices of Islam, the nerdy charm of The O.C.'s Seth Cohen, and the long shadow of colonialism can cohere into a new and powerful whole. With the perfect balance of relatable humor and intellectual ferocity, Son of Elsewhere confronts what we know about ourselves, and most important, what we&’re still learning.
The Devil's Advisor
by Brad AbdulA pacy, twisting, supernatural comedy of the everyday and the devilish, in the tradition of Gaiman and Pratchett's Good Omens.Lucy, the Devil, wants to retire. Brian, the Business Advisor, hates his job. When Brian&’s jealous co-workers put him in Lucy&’s crosshairs, she makes him an offer he can&’t refuse: work for her and increase the productivity in Hell by 50% or suffer the cruel fate planned by his peers. To sweeten the deal, Lucy offers Brian the chance to be her successor if he pulls it off. Brian reluctantly agrees and dives in with both feet to the bureaucratic nightmare of Hell. To make it out alive, Brian faces Death, God, and Lucy&’s own twin children.
The Charmed List
by Julie Abe"The best friends to enemies-to-lovers story I needed in my life! The Charmed List utterly enchants with its delightful characters and heartfelt themes of family, friendship, and first love. I adored this fun-filled and swoony road trip romance with a magical twist!" —Axie Oh, author of XOXO and The Girl Who Fell Beneath the SeaSometimes you need a little magic to fall in love. Ellie Kobata has spent most of high school on the sidelines, keeping her art Instagram private and shying away from the world. She can’t even tell her only friend, Lia, who she really is: Ellie is part of a secret magical community, and no one outside of it can know it exists. The only person Ellie could fully relate to was Jack Yasuda – her childhood friend who mysteriously started to snub her a few years ago.But before senior year, Ellie is ready to take some risks and have a life-changing summer, starting with her Anti-Wallflower List – thirteen items she’s going to check off one by one. With this list, she hopes to finally come out of her shell; even though she can’t share her full self with the world. But when number four on Ellie’s list goes horribly wrong—revenge on Jack Yasuda—she’s certain her summer is cursed. Instead of spending her summer with Lia, Ellie finds herself stuck in a car with Jack driving to a magical convention. But as Ellie and Jack travel down the coast of California, number thirteen on her list—fall in love—may be happening without her realizing it.In The Charmed List, Julie Abe sweeps readers away to a secret magical world, complete with cupcakes and tea with added sparks of joy, and an enchanted cottage where you can dance under the stars.
Avocado Asks: What Am I?
by Momoko AbeAvocado is feeling just fine in the fruit and veg aisle at the supermarket - until a young customer asks a difficult question: "Is an avocado a fruit or a vegetable?" Avocado doesn't know the answer either - and the question won't seem to go away!A brilliantly funny book about identity and being confident in your own skin - featuring the world's most popular superfood!
Avocado Asks
by Momoko AbeA deliciously funny book about identity and being confident in your own skin—featuring the world's most popular superfood, the avocado!Avocado is feeling just fine in the produce section at the supermarket until a young customer asks a difficult question: "Is an avocado a fruit or a vegetable?" Avocado doesn't know the answer either, and the question won't seem to go away! Soon, avocado is in the midst of a full-on identity crisis.Children will laugh along as Avocado hunts for answers in each aisle of the grocery store, chatting with fish, cans of beans, sausages, and finally a tomato, who confides to Avocado that he doesn't know what HE is either, adding "And. I. Don't. Care." With cool, vivid artwork and a funny twist on every page, here is a story that celebrates individuality and fluidity, letting children know they are perfect just as they are and however they choose to express themselves.
Spy Force
by Deborah AbelaMeet Max Remy, Superspy! When a top-secret e-mail invites Max to Spy Force Headquarters, she thinks someone is playing a joke on her. But it's no joke! Max and her friend Linden are flown by invisible jet to Spy Force Headquarters to meet the world's top spies, and soon they are working as Spy Force undercover agents at a candy factory in a life-threatening struggle against the evil mastermind Mr. Blue. Could this be the end of Max Remy, Superspy?
Triumff: Her Majesty's Hero
by Dan AbnettIT IS THE YEAR 2010. NO, REALLY.Her Divine Majesty Queen Elizabeth XXX sits upon the throne. Great Britain's vast Empire is run by Alchemy and Superstition. Sir Rupert Triumff. Adventurer. Fighter. Drinker. Saviour? Pratchett goes swashbuckling in the hotly anticipated original fiction debut of the multi-million selling Warhammer star. Triumff is a ribald historical fantasy set in a warped clockwork-powered version of our present day ! a new Elizabethan age, not of Elizabeth II but in the style of the original Virgin Queen. Throughout its rollicking pages, Sir Rupert Triumff drinks, dines and duels his way into a new Brass Age of Exploration and Adventure.File Under: Fantasy [Alternate History | Wild Magic | Swashbuckling | Unforgivable Puns! ]E-book ISBN: 978-0-85766-023-7From the Paperback edition.
Underrated: The Yankee Post Roast Book of Awesome Underappreciated Stuff
by Abraham Josh Jezarian Nick Wolinetz GeoffContrary to popular legend, every dog does not have his day. Some dogs--i. e. , musicians, actors, foodstuffs, sitcoms, beverages, albums, and movies--are perennially overlooked. This book will change all that. Using a highly scientific, unabashedly subjective, yet uncannily accurate formula, the brilliant comedic minds behind Yankee Pot Roast can help you determine with absolute confidence whether something or someone is underrated (George Harrison) or not (Paul McCartney). For example: UnderratedGood TimesBubble YumSnappleNot UnderratedDiff'rent StrokesBig League ChewDr. Pepper The UR (Underrated Rating) takes into account cultural, commercial, and critical appeal, as well as more nebulous but equally crucial factors like coolness and staying power. Admit it--you've suspected for years that NewsRadio is a criminally ignored masterpiece. Now you can prove it. Geoff Wolinetz, Nick Jezarian, and Josh Abraham are the founders and editors of Yankee Pot Roast. Their work has appeared in Maxim and Cracked and on the web at McSweeney's, The Black Table, DrinkatWork and more. They live in New York City.
This is Improbable Too: Synchronized Cows, Speedy Brain Extractors and More WTF Research
by Marc AbrahamsMarc Abrahams collects the odd, the imaginative, and the brilliantly improbable from around the world. Here he investigates research on the ins and outs of the very improbable evolutionary innovation that is the human body (brain included). This Is Improbable Too explores the odd questions that researchers are asking, such as: What's the best way to get a monkey to floss regularly? How much dandruff do soldiers in Pakistan's army have? If you add an extra henchman to your bank-robbing gang, how much more money will you earn? Why is it so impossible to estimate the number of stupid people in circulation? How many dimples will be found on the cheeks of 28,282 Greek children? Who is the Einstein of pork carcasses? This Is Improbable Too also investigates unlikely medical cases, including a boy with an "Eiffel head injury" (involving a toy tower), and even more unlikely inventions, such as a patented system for attacking your enemy with a bio-waste bomb.
How to Fall In Love with a Man Who Lives in a Bush: A Novel
by Emmy Abrahamson“This quirky Swedish love story is the antidote to all of those Hallmark movies you’ve been bingeing.” — Elle CanadaFor readers of quirky Scandinavian fiction comes this charming and witty debut novel by Emmy Abrahamson—perfect for fans of Jonas Jonasson.Love stinks. Or maybe it just needs a shower . . . Vienna: famous for Mozart, waltzes, and pastry; less famous for Julia, a Swedish transplant who spends her days teaching English to unemployed Austrians and her evenings watching Netflix with her cat or club hopping with a frenemy. An aspiring novelist, Julia’s full of ideas for future bestsellers: A writer moves his family to a deserted hotel in the dead of winter and spirals into madness! A homely governess loves a brooding man whose crazy wife is locked up in the attic! Fine, so they’ve been done. Doesn’t mean Julia won’t find something original.Then something original finds Julia—sits down next to her on a bench, as a matter of fact. Ben is handsome (under all that beard) and adventurous (leaps from small bridges in a single bound). He’s sexy as hell and planning to shuffle off to Berlin before things can get too serious. Oh, and Ben lives in a public park.Thus begins a truth stranger than any fiction Julia might have imagined: a whirlwind relationship with a guy who shares her warped sense of humor and shakes up the just-okay existence she’s been too lazy to change. Ben challenges her to break out; she challenges him to settle down. As weeks turn to months, Julia keeps telling herself that this is a chapter in her life, not the whole book. If she writes the ending, she can’t get hurt.But what if the ending isn’t hers to write?
Thank You, Goodnight: A Novel
by Andy AbramowitzIn Thank You, Goodnight, hailed by Billboard as &“High Fidelity and About a Boy with a dose of Music & Lyrics thrown in,&” the lead singer of a one-hit wonder 90s band tries for one more swing at the fence.Teddy Tremble is nearing forty and has settled into a comfortable groove, working at a stuffy law firm and living in a downtown apartment with a woman he thinks he might love. Sure, his days aren’t as exciting as the time he spent as the lead singer of Tremble, the rock band known for its mega-hit “It Feels Like a Lie,” but that life has long since passed its sell-by date.But when Teddy gets a cryptic call from an old friend, he’s catapulted into contemplating the unthinkable: reuniting Tremble for one last shot at rewriting history. Never mind that the band members haven’t spoken in ten years, that they left the music scene in a blazing cloud of indifference, and that the only fans who seem to miss them reside in an obscure little town in Switzerland.If Teddy manages to snooker his band mates out of their adult lives, can a once immature, self-involved fallen idol find his way back to the top—and possibly back to the one who got away? Thank You, Goodnight is debut novelist Andy Abramowitz’s hilarious, honest, and “unfailingly heartfelt” (The Washington Post) story about love, lyrics, and finding one’s legacy in the unlikeliest of places.
Brave Deeds: A Novel
by David AbramsFrom the author of Fobbit: “A stirring, sardonic war story . . . Mordantly funny and harrowing . . . Reminiscent of such classic war novels as Catch-22” (Tampa Bay Times). A Military Times Best Book of 2017, Brave Deeds is a compelling novel of war, brotherhood, and America. Spanning eight hours, the novel follows a squad of six AWOL soldiers as they attempt to cross war-torn Baghdad on foot to attend the funeral of their leader, Staff Sergeant Rafe Morgan. As the men make their way to the funeral, they recall the most ancient of warriors yet are a microcosm of twenty-first-century America, and subject to the same human flaws as all of us. Drew is reliable in the field but unfaithful at home; Cheever, overweight and whining, is a friend to no one—least of all himself; and platoon commander Dmitri “Arrow” Arogapoulos is stalwart, yet troubled with questions about his own identity and sexuality. Emotionally resonant, true-to-life, and thoughtfully written, Brave Deeds is a gripping story of combat and of perseverance, and an important addition to the oeuvre of contemporary war fiction. “Earnest and affecting . . . The soldiers are foulmouthed, sex-obsessed and fiercely loyal for reasons they can’t quite articulate—in other words, packed with young American male authenticity. Abrams’s prose is relaxed and conversational, with a few scattered literary nuggets that add heft, like chunks of beef in a vegetable soup. . . . The mash-up works, and Abrams’s voice is clear and strong.” —Brian Castner, The Washington Post “Outstanding . . . With a little bit of humor and bumbling grace, these six soldiers magnify what is both beautiful and despairing about the American military.” —Missoulian
Azar on Fire
by Olivia AbtahiFinding her voice takes on a whole new meaning when fourteen-year-old Azar Rossi sets out to win her local Battle of the Bands contest in this heartfelt and hilarious contemporary YA.Fourteen-year-old Azar Rossi&’s first year of high school has mostly been silent, and intentionally so. After a bad case of colic as a baby, Azar&’s vocal folds are shredded—full of nodules that give her a rasp the envy of a chain-smoking bullfrog. Her classmates might just think she&’s quiet, but Azar is saving her voice for when it really counts and talking to her classmates is not medically advisable or even high on her list.When she hears about a local Battle of the Bands contest, it&’s something she can&’t resist. Azar loves music, loves songwriting, but with her vocal folds the way they are, there's no way she can sing her songs on stage. Then she hears lacrosse hottie, Ebenezer Lloyd Hollins the Fifth, aka Eben, singing from the locker room. She&’s transfixed. He's just the person she needs. His voice + her lyrics = Battle of the Bands magic. But getting a band together means Azar has a lot of talking to do and new friends to make. For the chance to stand on stage with Eben it might all just be worth it.
Perfectly Parvin
by Olivia AbtahiFourteen-year-old Iranian-American Parvin Mohammadi sets out to win the ultimate date to homecoming in this heartfelt and outright hilarious debut. <p><p> Parvin Mohammadi has just been dumped--only days after receiving official girlfriend status. Not only is she heartbroken, she's humiliated. Enter high school heartthrob Matty Fumero, who just might be the smoking-hot cure to all her boy problems. If Parvin can get Matty to ask her to Homecoming, she's positive it will prove to herself and her ex that she's girlfriend material after all. <p><p>There's just one problem: Matty is definitely too cool for bassoon-playing, frizzy-haired, Cheeto-eating Parvin. Since being herself hasn't worked for her in the past (see aforementioned dumping), she decides to start acting like the women in her favorite rom-coms. Those women aren't loud, they certainly don't cackle when they laugh, and they smile much more than they talk.But Parvin discovers that being a rom-com dream girl is much harder than it looks. Also hard? The parent-mandated Farsi lessons. A confusing friendship with a boy who's definitely not supposed to like her. And hardest of all, the ramifications of the Muslim ban on her family in Iran. Suddenly, being herself has never been more important. <p><p> Olivia Abtahi's debut is as hilarious as it is heartfelt—a delightful tale where, amid the turmoil of high school friendships and crushes, being yourself is always the perfect way to be.
Confusion Is Nothing New (Scholastic Press Novels)
by Paul AcamporaEllie Magari just learned that her mother is dead. Perhaps that would be sad if Ellie had ever met the woman. Exactly who was Ellie's mom? Does it even matter that she's gone? Perhaps a dead mom can still help Ellie figure out what it means to be a girl in the world today. Either way, Ellie wouldn't mind a role model beyond her master chef Dad.Fueled by the bighearted sounds of '80s rock and roll, plus large doses of Cyndi Lauper's girl-power joy, Confusion Is Nothing New is about friendship, family mysteries, and the perfect pizza. It's also about fathers and daughters and girls who understand that it's good to make things, but breaking things is okay too. In fact, sometimes breaking things is required.
Danny Constantino's First (and Maybe Last?) Date
by Paul AcamporaBetween going out with his celebrity crush and his mom's campaign to be the next town mayor, Danny's got a lot to learn about life in the spotlight.When Danny Constantino asks his old-friend-turned-Hollywood-movie-star, Natalie Flores Griffin, to his local school dance and homecoming parade, she surprises him . . . by saying yes! Unfortunately, now everyone in Cuper Cove has something to say about Danny's love life--especially since Natalie is the hometown hero. Throw in herds of TV reporters and NFG groupies, his mom using Natalie's arrival for free publicity, and a pep rally gone horribly, horribly awry, and Danny's left absolutely clueless in this new world of crushes and becoming (kind of) famous.
In Honor of Broken Things
by Paul AcamporaThree unlikely friends become partners in heartbreak and hope during a middle school pottery class in this powerful, poignant novel--perfect for fans of Gordon Korman and Lynda Mullaly Hunt. <p><p> At West Beacon Middle School, eighth graders Oscar Villanueva, Ellie Baptiste, and Noah Wright become unlikely friends during Introduction to Clay class. Oscar, a football star, just lost his little sister to cancer. Ellie's been dragged away from Philadelphia by her single mom to a new life in West Beacon, a tiny Pennsylvania coal town that's smaller than Ellie's old school. Noah's spent his whole life as a homeschooler and just started West Beacon Middle School as a result of his parents' train wreck of a divorce. Through art, football, failure, faith, and trust, the friends help one another to piece things back together again. In true friendship, they also discover that some injuries may never heal, some things can never be unbroken--and that's okay too.
James Acaster's Classic Scrapes - The Hilarious Sunday Times Bestseller
by James Acaster**THE SUNDAY TIMES BESTSELLER**'I don't think I've ever read a book that has made me cry with laughter as much as this one. It was very difficult reading it in public as I looked like a madman' - Richard Herring James Acaster has been nominated for the Edinburgh Comedy Award five times and has appeared on prime-time TV shows like TASKMASTER,MOCK THE WEEK, LIVE AT THE APOLLO and WOULD I LIE TO YOU?But behind the fame and critical acclaim is a man perpetually getting into trouble. Whether it's disappointing a skydiving instructor mid-flight, hiding from thugs in a bush wearing a bright red dress, or annoying the Kettering Board Games club, a didgeridoo-playing conspiracy theorist and some bemused Christians, James is always finding new ways to embarrass himself.Appearing on Josh Widdicombe's radio show to recount these stories, the feature was christened 'James Acaster's classic scrapes'. Here, in his first book, James recounts these tales (including never-before-heard stories) along with self-penned drawings, in all their glorious stupidity.
James Acaster's Classic Scrapes - The Hilarious Sunday Times Bestseller
by James Acaster**THE SUNDAY TIMES BESTSELLER**'I don't think I've ever read a book that has made me cry with laughter as much as this one. It was very difficult reading it in public as I looked like a madman' - Richard Herring James Acaster has been nominated for the Edinburgh Comedy Award five times and has appeared on prime-time TV shows like TASKMASTER, MOCK THE WEEK, LIVE AT THE APOLLO and WOULD I LIE TO YOU?But behind the fame and critical acclaim is a man perpetually getting into trouble. Whether it's disappointing a skydiving instructor mid-flight, hiding from thugs in a bush wearing a bright red dress, or annoying the Kettering Board Games club, a didgeridoo-playing conspiracy theorist and some bemused Christians, James is always finding new ways to embarrass himself.Appearing on Josh Widdicombe's radio show to recount these stories, the feature was christened 'James Acaster's classic scrapes'. Here, in his first book, James recounts these tales (including never-before-heard stories) along with self-penned drawings, in all their glorious stupidity.
James Acaster's Classic Scrapes - The Hilarious Sunday Times Bestseller
by James Acaster**THE SUNDAY TIMES BESTSELLER** 'I don't think I've ever read a book that has made me cry with laughter as much as this one. It was very difficult reading it in public as I looked like a madman' - Richard Herring 'James Acaster has a brilliant comic mind, crackling with energy every bit as much as his corduroy slacks' - Milton JonesJames Acaster has been nominated for the Edinburgh Comedy Award five times and has appeared on prime-time TV shows like MOCK THE WEEK, LIVE AT THE APOLLO and RUSSELL HOWARD'S STAND UP CENTRAL.But behind the fame and critical acclaim is a man perpetually getting into trouble. Whether it's disappointing a skydiving instructor mid-flight, hiding from thugs in a bush wearing a bright red dress, or annoying the Kettering Board Games club, a didgeridoo-playing conspiracy theorist and some bemused Christians, James is always finding new ways to embarrass himself.Appearing on Josh Widdicombe's radio show to recount these stories, the feature was christened 'James Acaster's classic scrapes'. Here, in his first book, James recounts these tales (including never-before-heard stories) along with self-penned drawings, in all their glorious stupidity.(P)2017 Headline Publishing Group Ltd
James Acaster's Guide to Quitting Social Media
by James AcasterThis is a self help book like no other. Because you are not helping yourself, James Acaster is helping you.When James quit all forms of social media in 2019 he felt like he'd been born anew, but he was worried he'd suffer withdrawal and get lured back online to compete in a never ending popularity contest with only one possible winner (f*cking Zuckerberg). He knew that in order to stay clean he'd have to replace everything social media used to give him with three-dimensional, real-life activities. And so it was that James found ways to anonymously bully strangers, see photos of everyone's dogs, get invited to as many parties as possible, immediately know about all celebrity deaths, get public figures fired, argue with everybody about everything, and so much more without even owning a phone (he painted over the screen of his old one to stop himself looking at Instagram). His life is amazing and yours could be too if you buy JAMES ACASTER'S GUIDE TO QUITTING SOCIAL MEDIA, BEING THE BEST YOU YOU CAN BE AND SAVING YOURSELF FROM LONELINESS VOL. 1. You will also need to do everything the audiobook tells you to. Including helping us promote the audiobook by tweeting about it.(P) 2022 Headline Publishing Group Ltd