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World's Worst Jokes
by Tony HusbandMost joke books at least attempt to make you laugh. A chuckle, a giggle, even an outright guffaw. Something you can repeat to your friends and be guaranteed to raise a smile. That's what a joke book is for. Right? Well, not this one.This is a collection of the world's most cringe-worthy jokes told by Tony Husband, proud contender for the title of world's worst joke-teller. Jokes so awful they will make you wince, groan and bang your head in disbelief. And should you tell them to your friends, they won't be your friends much longer. Dip in, and prepare not to be amused.
Xenophon's Cyrus the Great: The Arts of Leadership and War
by XenophonCyrus, a great Persian leader, was so widely and memorably respected that a hundred years later, Xenophon of Athens wrote this admiring book about the greatest leader of his era. Larry Hedrick's Introduction describes Cyrus and his times.Among his many achievements, this great leader of wisdom and virtue founded and extended the Persian Empire; conquered Babylon; freed 40,000 Jews from captivity; wrote mankind's first human rights charter; and ruled over those he had conquered with respect and benevolence.According to historian Will Durant, Cyrus the Great's military enemies knew that he was lenient, and they did not fight him with that desperate courage which men show when their only choice is "to kill or die." As a result the Iranians regarded him as "The Father," the Babylonians as "The Liberator," the Greeks as the "Law-Giver," and the Jews as the "Anointed of the Lord."By freshening the voice, style and diction of Cyrus, Larry Hedrick has created a more contemporary Cyrus. A new generation of readers, including business executives and managers, military officers, and government officials, can now learn about and benefit from Cyrus the Great's extraordinary achievements, which exceeded all other leaders' throughout antiquity.
The Yacoubian Building: A Novel
by Alaa Al AswanyAugust Book Sense PickA fading aristocrat and self-proclaimed ‘scientist of women.’ A purring, voluptuous siren. A young shop-girl enduring the clammy touch of her boss and hating herself for accepting the modest banknotes he tucks into her pocket afterward. An earnest, devout young doorman, feeling the irresistible pull toward fundamentalism. A cynical, secretly gay newspaper editor, helplessly in love with a peasant security guard. A roof-squatting tailor, scheming to own property. A corrupt and corpulent politician, twisting the Koran to justify taking a mistress.All live in the Yacoubian Building, a once-elegant temple of Art Deco splendor slowly decaying in the smog and hubbub of downtown Cairo, Egypt. In the course of this unforgettable novel, these disparate lives converge, careening inexorably toward an explosive conclusion. Tragicomic, passionate, shockingly frank in its sexuality, and brimming with an extraordinary, embracing human compassion, The Yacoubian Building is a literary achievement of the first order.
The Unfortunate Traveller and Other Works
by Thomas NasheWritten in the late sixteenth century, at the pinnacle of the English Renaissance, the rich and ingenious works of Thomas Nashe uniquely reveal the ambivant nature of the Elizabethan era. Mingling the devout and the bawdy, scholarship and slang, they express throughout an irrepressible, inexhaustible wit and an astonishing command of language. This collection of Nashe's finest works includes The Unfortunate Traveller, the sharp and grotesque tale of Jack Wilton, an Englishman travelling through Europe; Pierce Penniless, a biting satire on the society of his age; Terrors of the Night; Lenten Stuff; the sensual poem The Choice of Valentines; and extracts from Christ's Tears over Jerusalem and other works. Wide-ranging in subject, all capture the unique voice and fantastic ingenuity of one of the most entertaining Elizabethan writers - a man regarded by his contemporaries as the 'English Juvenal'.
The Stornoway Way
by Kevin MacNeil‘Fuck everyone from Holden Caulfield to Bridget Jones, fuck all the American and English phoney fictions that claim to speak for us; they don’t know the likes of us exist and they never did. We are who we are because we grew up the Stornoway way. We do not live in the back of beyond, we live in the very heart of beyond …’Meet R Stornoway, drink-addled misfit, inhabitant of the Hebridean Isle of Lewis, and meandering man fighting to break free of an island he just can’t seem to let go of…
Selected Writings
by Gerard de NervalPoet, visionary, short-story writer and autobiographer, Gérard de Nerval (1808-1855) explored the uncertain borderlines between dream and reality, irony and madness, autobiography and fiction with his groundbreaking writings. This comprehensive selection of his works includes 'Aurélia', the memoir of his madness; the haunting novella of love and memory 'Sylvie' (considered to be a masterpiece by Proust); the hermetic sonnets of 'The Chimeras'; as well as Nerval's experimental fictions and selections from his correspondence, which demonstrate his lucid awareness of how nineteenth-century psychiatry consigned his fertile imagination to the status of mental illness. Together these pieces confirm Nerval's place as a pioneering modernist, a precursor of the French Symbolists and a vital model for such writers as Marcel Proust, André Breton, Antonin Artaud and Michel Leiris.
10 Minutes, 10 Years: Your Definitive Guide to a Beautiful and Youthful Appearance
by Frederic BrandtIf you find yourself lost and alone in the skin-care aisle; if you're thinking of going under the knife, but hoping you won't have to; if you need specific, detailed information about how to get rid of the bags under your eyes or those ever-deepening furrows in your brow; if you've gone to your girlfriends, women's magazines, cosmetics counters, facialists, and plastic surgeons and gotten lots of conflicting answers; then Dr. Fredric Brandt's simple, streamlined system is for you. With 10 Minutes/10 Years, one of the world's most famous cosmetic dermatologists offers a breakthrough skin-care program that will take you only ten minutes a day -- and will reverse your skin's aging process by ten years. There is a skin-care revolution taking place; the days of washing your face with soap and water and slapping on some cream are long gone. But this means that skin care isn't simple anymore. As new products appear, seemingly overnight, it becomes harder to know what's right for your skin. With warmth and humor, Dr. Brandt cuts through the information overload to provide concrete information and advice for women of all ages and of every skin type. He helps you determine who to go to and who not to go to as well as what to ask. 10 Minutes/10 Years is a uniquely formatted, problem/solution-driven guidebook that reveals many unknown threats to the skin which age it before its time, such as sugar and diet (Chapter 3). Need to know about the brown spots on your cheeks? Turn to Chapter 6. Sick of your drooping chin? Read Chapter 14. Driven to despair by your thinning hair? Look at Chapter 19. But before you decide what system you need, consult Chapter 4 for a comprehensive list of the best products, treatments, and procedures available. Dr. Brandt explains what they are and how they work -- from the least invasive, over-the-counter creams to the most cutting-edge injectibles. Once you understand the basics, you can move on to your specific area of concern in the book's final section, which offers precise information for every skin type. There is no one-shot solution -- we are constantly aging, and we have to keep maintaining ourselves. 10 Minutes/10 Years is Dr. Brandt's targeted approach to this maintenance. His system has already helped thousands of people look younger, and now readers will have their own one-way ticket back to a youthful appearance.
Accessible Education for Blind Learners: Kindergarten Through Post-secondary (Critical Concerns in Blindness)
by Shelley Kinash Ania Paszuk Author ContributorThe goal of this manual is to enhance the capacity of all members of the educational context, whether student, parent, teacher, administrator, or consultant, to activate the benefits of infused technologies for all learners, including those who are blind or have low vision. To accomplish this purpose this manual provides background and practical information with respect to inquiry-based education, infused technologies, and blindness and visual impairment. You will discover vignettes of real-life blind learners, tips from a blind educator, key components of accessible technology-infused education including information on adaptive technologies for applications that have not yet been designed for all learners, and practical suggestions to make online courses and Web sites accessible. For those who wish to explore further, there are numerous recommendations for further reading, organized to guide the reader to specific content.
Accessory to Murder (Josie Marcus, Mystery Shopper #3)
by Elaine VietsA secret shopper turns amateur sleuth when her best friend’s husband is accused of murder in this mystery by the Anthony and Agatha Award–winning author.Josie Marcus has an eye for the finer things in life. Unfortunately, her wallet can’t keep up—as a single mom and mystery shopper, she won’t be moving out of St. Louis’s suburbs anytime soon. Good thing her best friend, Alyce Bohannon, doesn’t mind sharing a taste of the high life in her posh gated community, Wood Winds. But the refined neighborhood turns ugly with gossip when Alyce’s neighbor, the well-heeled scarf designer Halley Hardwicke, is murdered.Talk is cheap . . . until the detectives begin questioning Alyce’s husband, Jake, about the crime. So Josie decides to do a little sleuthing of her own, going undercover to unravel the secrets of the cliquey Wood Winds wives. Hopefully she can clear Jake’s name and uncover the truth before the killer snags another victim.
After Fidel: The Inside Story of Castro's Regime and Cuba's Next Leader
by Brian LatellThis is a compelling behind-the-scenes account of the extraordinary Castro brothers and the dynastic succession of Fidel's younger brother Raul. Brian Latell, the CIA analyst who has followed Castro since the sixties, gives an unprecedented view into Fidel and Raul's remarkable relationship, revealing how they have collaborated in policy making, divided responsibilities, and resolved disagreements for more than forty years--a challenge to the notion that Fidel always acts alone. Latell has had more access to the brothers than anyone else in this country, and his briefs to the CIA informed much of U.S. policy. Based on his knowledge of Raul Castro, Latell makes projections on what kind of leader Raul will be and how the shift in power might influence U.S.-Cuban relations.
American Connections: The Founding Fathers. Networked.
by James BurkeUsing the unique approach that he has employed in his previous books, author, columnist, and television commentator James Burke shows us our connections to the fifty-six men who signed the Declaration of Independence. Over the two hundred-plus years that separate us, these connections are often surprising and always fascinating. Burke turns the signers from historical icons into flesh-and-blood people: Some were shady financial manipulators, most were masterful political operators, a few were good human beings, and some were great men. The network that links them to us is also peopled by all sorts, from spies and assassins to lovers and adulterers, inventors and artists. The ties may be more direct for some of us than others, but we are all linked in some way to these founders of our nation. If you enjoyed Martin Sheen as the president on television's The West Wing, then you're connected to founder Josiah Bartlett. The connection from signer Bartlett to Sheen includes John Paul Jones; Judge William Cooper, father of James Fenimore; Sir Thomas Brisbane, governor of New South Wales; an incestuous astronomer; an itinerant math teacher; early inventors of television; and pioneering TV personality Bishop Fulton J. Sheen, the inspiration for Ramon Estevez's screen name, Martin Sheen.
American Legacy: The Story of John & Caroline Kennedy
by C. David HeymannFrom the moment of their births, John and Caroline Kennedy occupied a central position in what is generally regarded as the most famous family in the United States, if not the world. Even as young children growing up in the White House, their most subtle gestures and actions made headlines.... Yet until now they have not been the subject of a dual biography. In that sense, this volume represents a first. In American Legacy, #1 New York Times bestselling author C. David Heymann draws upon a voluminous archive of personal interviews to present a telling portrait of John and Caroline Kennedy. A longtime biographer of various members of the Kennedy clan, including Jackie and Robert Kennedy, Heymann covers John's and Caroline's childhood in the White House, the dark aftermath of their father's assassination, their uneasy adolescence, and the many challenges they faced as adults, all under the glaring eye of the media. He reveals John's and Caroline's loving but at times trying relationship with their larger-than-life mother, as well as Jackie's own emotional struggles, romantic relationships, and financial concerns following JFK's death. Other revelations brought to light for the first time in American Legacy include the assassination attempt made on Jackie just before she gave birth to John; JFK Jr.'s romantic escapades prior to marrying Carolyn Bessette and accounts of the predominantly happy marriage they shared despite criticisms from questionable sources; the shocking report of the autopsy performed on John following the tragic plane crash that killed him, Carolyn, and her sister Lauren; Caroline's rise to become one of the wealthiest women in America and her life now as the sole keeper of her family's magnificently complex legacy. Utterly compelling and full of new and fascinating details, American Legacy overturns much of what we thought we knew about two of the most talked-about members of the Kennedy family.
The Archaeological Survey Manual
by Gregory G White Thomas F KingGovernmental guidelines have forced a dramatic change in the practice of archaeological surveying in recent decades. In response to public and private development, surveying is needed to accurately inventory the cultural resources of a region and provide guidance for their preservation and management. Greg White and Tom King provide a handy introduction to students, field novices, and land managers on the strategies, methods, and logic of contemporary survey work. In addition to providing the legal and historical context for this endeavor the book provides a heavily illustrated, practical guide to conducting a survey to help beginners understand how it works in practice. This volume is perfect for an archaeological methods class, field school, or reference collection.
The Art of the Band T-shirt
by Amber Easby Henry OliverONCE, T-shirts were just unadorned undergarments. But with the evolution of screen printing and the birth of band merchandising, T-shirts became so much cooler. Now every band with an ounce of savvy knows the importance of T-shirts not only as a lucrative sideline but also as a means of self- promotion and a way for fans to show their allegiance. The Art of the Band T-shirt is a visual history of that perennial fashion statement, complete with nearly two hundred images of the most important, influential, iconic, and ironic T-shirts. It includes shirt images from artists as diverse as Led Zeppelin, the Ramones, Madonna, Morrissey, Public Enemy, and the Flaming Lips, each with a caption that includes historical background, little-known facts, or an artist's comments about the design. A fascinating, beautifully illustrated archive for hipsters, fashionistas, serious collectors, and all music fans, The Art of the Band T-shirt is as indispensable and classically cool as the perfect T-shirt.
AskMen.com Presents The Style Bible: The 11 Rules for Building a Complete and Timeless Wardrobe (Askmen.com Series #2)
by James BassilThe Style Bible is an indispensable handbook filled with fundamentals that every man can use to improve his dress sense and lifestyle. Divided into 11 rules, The Style Bible helps you build a versatile wardrobe; coordinate different colors, patterns, and accessories; learn which clothes flatter your body type; and navigate the worlds of shoes, jeans, and watches. You'll also learn how to dress appropriately for any occasion or environment, from meetings at the office to first dates and nights on the town. With instructive illustrations and loads of tips, The Style Bible is essential reading for every man who wants to dress to impress.
Bachelor Party Confidential: A Real-Life Peek Behind the Closed-Door Tradition
by David BoyerFirst comes love; then comes marriage. . . . But in between there's the bachelor party.Lesbian strippers, dwarf tossing, boozy confessions, missing grooms -- modern bachelor party lore is enough to terrify any jittery bride. But what's real and what's testosterone-fueled legend? For the first time, Bachelor Party Confidential offers an uncensored and comprehensive look at what men do when women aren't invited. You may think you've heard the stories . . . but you have no idea. Filled with unforgettable firsthand accounts culled from totally anonymous interviews with more than a hundred men from around the globe, Bachelor Party Confidential journeys to the heart of one of man's last and most closely guarded secrets. To get the whole story, David Boyer talks to everyone from Vegas revelers mid-party, religious grooms, horny best men, and unconventional bachelors to reluctant wives, pricey strippers, bachelor party planners, and other behind-the-scenes players. The result is alternately hilarious, sexy, poignant, and truly eye-opening.
Batista Unleashed (Wwe Ser.)
by Dave Batista Jeremy RobertsPeople around the world know Dave Batista as World Wrestling Entertainment's "the Animal," the rope-shaking, spine-busting World Heavyweight Champion, one of the most popular Superstars in recent years.The crowd turned Batista from heel to babyface after they were electrified by his awesome physique and physical wrestling style. Few fans, however, know that Batista didn't join the profession until he was thirty years old -- an age at which many wrestlers are thinking about hanging up their boots. Nor do most fans know the tremendous toll the climb to the top has taken on Batista's personal life. While successfully staying away from hard drugs and -- usually -- liquor, he found sex too tempting to resist. "Women were my drug of choice," the Animal confesses. That addiction cost him his marriage, destroying a relationship that had helped him climb from poverty to the pinnacle of sports entertainment in less than two years. Now, in Batista Unleashed, the WWE Superstar comes clean about the choices he made and the devastating effects they had on his family. He talks about the injury that stripped him of his title -- an injury he blames on Mark Henry's carelessness. While being sidelined cost Batista untold hundreds of thousands of dollars in lost income, it also set the stage for a tremendous comeback that cemented the Animal's reputation as a true champion. Batista talks about growing up in the worst part of Washington, D.C., where three murders occurred in his front yard before he was nine. He speaks lovingly about his mother -- a lesbian -- and how hard she worked to keep the family not just together but alive. He talks candidly about his own criminal past: a conviction on a drug charge and another, since overturned, on assault. He speaks of his days as a bouncer and a lifeguard, and tells how bodybuilding may have saved his life. Once he made it to the WWE, Batista realized he wasn't really ready for the big time. His career seemed headed for a fall until Fit Finlay took him under his wing. But his real education came when he joined Evolution and rode with Triple H and Ric Flair, two of sports entertainment's all-time greats. Batista talks about what they taught him, and details some of their wild times on the road. But the champ also reveals a kinder, gentler side. While his soft-spoken manner in the locker room has sometimes been misinterpreted as arrogance, in truth Batista's always been somewhat shy and quiet. Emotional by nature, he reveals for the first time that the tears fans saw at WrestleMania 21, when he won the World Heavyweight Championship for the first time, were very real. And he speaks movingly about his problems with his ex-wives and teenage daughters, and how it felt to become a grandfather. While his straight-shooting mouth has occasionally gotten him into trouble -- most notably in a backstage confrontation with Undertaker after some remarks about SmackDown! -- Batista is his own harshest critic. He explains his early limitations as a wrestler and the work he has done to overcome them. Interspersing his memoir with accounts from life on the road, Batista lightens the narrative with a surprising sense of humor. An Animal in the ring, he reveals himself as an honest and even humble man in everyday life.
Be Still: 31 Days to a Deeper Meditative Prayer Life
by Max Lucado Philip Yancey Richard Foster Henry CloudStop Breathe Listen Be Still In a world that moves too fast and places little value on quiet times, the practice of contemplative prayer offers rest to your soul and invites God's presence into your life. This thoughtful book, inspired by the best-selling DVD of the same name, invites you into the joy and peace that can be found in the age-old practice of contemplative prayer and features writings from some of today's most highly respected authors and speakers, including: Max Lucado Dr. Henry Cloud Philip Yancey Michelle McKinney Hammond Richard Foster Dallas Willard Dr. Calvin Miller Ken Gire In these pages you will be introduced to the practice of lectio divina, which simply means "sacred reading." Using Scripture and silence, you will learn to invite God's presence and direction into your life through the thirty-one meditations in this beautifully illustrated book. You don't have to be a scholar or a saint to experience contemplative prayer or enjoy God's divine companionship. As you walk through these thirty-one days, you will grow daily into a deeper, more satisfying prayer life with God. Open the book. Be still. Find rest for your soul. Compiled by Amy and Judge Reinhold.
The Beck Diet Solution Weight Loss Workbook: The 6-Week Plan to Train Your Brain to Think Like a Thin Person (Ebook Original Ser.)
by Judith S. BeckThe Beck Diet Solution Weight Loss Workbook has descriptive copy which is not yet available from the Publisher.
Beyond Temptation: The Templar Knights
by Mary Reed McCallFrom the wonderfully evocative and talented Mary Reed McCall comes the first novel of an exciting new trilogy based on the mysterious and fascinating Knights of Templar.Sir Richard de Cantor, a highly-skilled warrior, is hampered by guilt over the ambitious, materialistic way he'd lived before he joined the Templar Brotherhood -- a lifestyle he believes led to the death of his young daughter. Lady Margaret Newcomb is a disgraced daughter of a powerful English earl and has led a quiet life of penance and atonement. Though of different backgrounds, in truth they are both lonely, battered by the world, and in desperate need of each other's love and acceptance. Their fragile relationship is soon threatened when the French Inquisition makes its way to England, and Richard is faced with charges for his position as a Templar Knight, only to have their love further tested when someone from Meg's past reappears with the power to tear the two apart.
Bigger Deal: A Year Inside the Poker Boom
by Anthony HoldenIn the years since Anthony Holden wrote his classic memoir Big Deal, the poker world has changed beyond recognition. When Holden played in the 1988 World Series of Poker there were 167 starters competing for a prize of $270,000. Since then, poker has become the world's largest single-competitor sport -- at the 2006 World Series there were almost 9,000 players and a first prize of $12 million, the richest in any sport. What happened in the years between Big Deal and Bigger Deal could never have been predicted: the Internet and television sparked a worldwide explosion in the popularity of poker, one that shows no sign of abating. Poker even has a respectable image these days, much to the disgust of die-hard players. Gone are the seedy rooms of the Horseshoe -- you can't even smoke at the table! -- and you're more likely to find yourself head to head with a film star than an ex-con in Las Vegas. With the future of online poker now legally endangered in the United States, Holden's vision of the poker boom comes at a critical moment in the game's history. In Bigger Deal, Holden is your guide to the world of the "new" poker -- to the players who dominate the modern game and the personalities behind the multibillion-dollar business it has become -- as he tries once again to win the world title. After all, as Telly Savalas once reminded Holden, a million dollars is never irrelevant. Not to mention twelve...
Bind, Torture, Kill: The Inside Story of BTK, the Serial Killer Next Door
by Roy Wenzl Tim Potter L. Kelly Hurst LavianaFor thirty-one years, a monster terrorized the residents of Wichita, Kansas. A bloodthirsty serial killer, self-named "BTK"—for "bind them, torture them, kill them"—he slaughtered men, women, and children alike, eluding the police for decades while bragging of his grisly exploits to the media. The nation was shocked when the fiend who was finally apprehended turned out to be Dennis Rader—a friendly neighbor . . . a devoted husband . . . a helpful Boy Scout dad . . . the respected president of his church.Written by four award-winning crime reporters who covered the story for more than twenty years, Bind, Torture, Kill is the most intimate and complete account of the BTK nightmare told by the people who were there from the beginning. With newly released documents, evidence, and information—and with the full cooperation, for the very first time, of the Wichita Police Department’s BTK Task Force—the authors have put all the pieces of the grisly puzzle into place, thanks to their unparalleled access to the families of the killer and his victims.
Bitter Sweets: A Novel
by Roopa FarookiWith this spellbinding first novel about the destructive lies three immigrant generations of a Pakistani/Bangladeshi family tell each other, Roopa Farooki adds a fresh new voice to the company of Zadie Smith, Jhumpa Lahiri and Arudhati Roy.Henna Rub is a precocious teenager whose wheeler-dealer father never misses a business opportunity and whose sumptuous Calcutta marriage to wealthy romantic Ricky-Rashid Karim is achieved by an audacious network of lies. Ricky will learn the truth about his seductive bride, but the way is already paved for a future of double lives and deception--family traits that will filter naturally through the generations, forming an instinctive and unspoken tradition. Even as a child, their daughter Shona, herself conceived on a lie and born in a liar's house, finds telling fibs as easy as ABC. But years later, living above a sweatshop in South London's Tooting Bec, it is Shona who is forced to discover unspeakable truths about her loved ones and come to terms with what superficially holds her family together--and also keeps them apart--across geographical, emotional and cultural distance. Roopa Farooki has crafted an intelligent, engrossing and emotionally powerful Indian family saga that will stay with you long after you've read the last page.
Blair Unbound
by Anthony Seldon Peter Snowdon Daniel CollingsThe first volume of Anthony Seldon's riveting and definitive life of Tony Blair was published to great acclaim in 2004. Now, as the Labour Party and the country get used to the idea of a new leader and a new Prime Minister,Seldon delivers the most complete, authoritative and compelling account yet ofthe Blair premiership. Picking up the story in dramatic fashion on 11 September 2001, Seldon recaps very briefly Blair's trajectory to what may now be regarded as the high-point of his leadership, and then brings us right up to date as Blair hands over the reins to hisarch-rival, Gordon Brown. Based on hundreds of original interviews with key insiders, many of whose views have hitherto been kept private, BLAIR UNBOUND serves both as a fascinating 'volume two' of this masterclass in political biography and a highly revealing and compelling book in its own right.
The Blind Need Not Apply: A History of Overcoming Prejudice in the Orientation and Mobility Profession
by Ronald J. FergusonThis book has been a work in progress. In the spring of 2000 I started this project and began to collect data and conduct interviews. I copied every article I could find in the Journal of Visual Impairment and Blindness and its predecessors Outlook for the Blind and New Outlook for the Blind. I was fortunate to locate Blindness the annual publication of the American Association of Workers for the Blind. One of the greatest finds was the library at the American Foundation for the Blind. The library contains dozens of volumes related to orientation and mobility. Within two years I had amassed a considerable collection of resources. I began working through the materials and along the way prepared some papers for various conferences. A dramatic increase in administrative responsibilities, as well as the tyranny of meeting grant deadlines, diverted me from giving concentrated effort to this book. All that changed as I reduced my workload to devote almost all my efforts over the past nine months to this project.